HALWEY SICKLETt, Publisher,
VOL. VIII.
iUpming ffiuotcal
jV iinocruc weekly - _
detoted to Poll ./J , .
, , the Arte
BV° HARVEY SICICLEB i
IVriue-i copy 1 year, In advance) 00; if
Mt paid within six menths, H2.50 will be charged
NO paper will be DISCONTINUED, until all are
rearagesre paid; unleaa at the option of pnbli
RATES OF ADVERTISING
TKN usee COSSTITCT* A MJUABB.
one quare one or three Insertions- en
kvery subsequent insertion less than 8 *SO
KXAL EITATX, PEBSOSAL Proprbtv, and Gkhkbal
Adtmbtisino, ai may be agreed upon,
PATXST MEI>ICI*b and other advertisements oy
the column :
One column, 1 year, S6O
Half column, 1 year j®
Third column, 1 year,-
Fourth column, 1 year,
tiusiness Cards of one square or 1M, per year
uith paper, SS
nr EDITORIAL or LOCAL Itim advertleing—with
out A dvertieement —IB cts. per line. Liberal terms
made with permanent advertisers.
EXECUTORS, ADMINISTRATORS and AUDI
TOR'S NOTICES, of the usual length, $2,50
OBITUARIES,- exceeding ten lines, each ; RELI
GIOUS and LITERARY NOTICES, not of general
Dlerest, one half the regular rates.
Advertisements must be handed in by Tuks-
AV NOON, to insure insertion the same week.
JOB WORK
f all kinds neatly executed nnd at price? to suit
the times.
All TRANSIENT ADVERTISEMENTS and JOB
WORK must be paid for, when ordered
Bus in ess No tices.
R iT. & VV. E LITTLE ATTORNEYS AT
LAW Office on Tioga Street Tunkhannock Pa
HB.COOPBI. PHYSICIAN A 6URGJSOH
• Newton Centre. Luzerno County l*a
O i,, UAKRISH, ATTORNEY AT LAW.
• Offi-e at the Court II .use, in Tunklianock
Wyoming Co. I'a. '
U"' 11. .M IMATT,~ATTUI;N FY AT LAW Of
fice in Stark's lliic k Block Tioga St., Tunk
nt'.ma k, Pa.
J ASE. ATTORNEY AND COUNSEL
1 . LOR AT LAW, Nicholson, Wyoming Co-, Pa
Especial uttenlion given to settlement of dcre
lent's estates
Nijkihiw, Pa. Pee. 5 Isg7 -vTnlOyl
M.I. WILSON, ATTO-iNFY AT LAW, Col
• lectiug and Real Estate Agent. lowa Lands
fir sale. Scranton, Pa. Rstf.
T VV. 880 AIM. PHYSICIAN A SUBfIEON,
J . will attend promptly to all calls in his pro
ession. May be lound at bis at the Dru a
kure, or at bis residence on Putmau Sreet, formerly
Kcupied by A. K. Peckham Esq.
Office on second floor of NEW JEWELRY STORE, on
fiooa St. vB-nlB-6m.
PACIFIC HOTEL,"
170,172,17* Sl 170 Greenwich Street
■jx* DOOR ABOVE cortlandt STREET, SEW YORK.)
The unperiigned takes pleasure In announcing to
Is numerous friends and patrons that froin this
ite, the charge of the Pacific will be
$2.50 PER DAY.
Being sole Proprietor of this house, and therefore
*• from the too common exaction of an Inordinate
ret, be Is fully able to meet the downward tenden
f of prices without any falling off of service.
It will now. as heretofoie, be his aim to maintain
iimished the favorable reputation of the Pacific,
Mch It has enjoyed for many years, as one of the
t of travelers" hotels.
THE TABLE will be bountifully supplied with
•(•ry delicacy of the season.
THE ATTENDANCE will be found efficient and
A obliging. . . ,
THE LOCATION will be found convenient for
use whose business calls them in the lower part of
e city, and of ready access to all Rail Koad and
.eamboat Lines.
JOHN PATTEN.
Oct 10th 1868. n 18-681.
HUFFORI) HOUSE.
UN KHANNOCK, WYOMING CO., PA
"HIS ESTABLISHMENT HAS RECENTLY
1 i en refitted an I furnished in the latest style.
'try *"en , '...n will be given to the comfort end
ivee cnre of thoao who patronize the House.
11, HT'FFOUD. Proprietor.
Trr khacn ck, Pa., June 17, 1368 —v7n44.
BOLTON HOUSE.
IIAKHISIIL'KH, PKNNA.
The undersigned having lately purchased the
bI'EHLER HOUSE " property, has already com
n-el such alterations and improvements as will
tiitt tbiroid and pipular House equal, if not sape
'''■ to any Hotel in the City of Harrisburg.
Ac .atinuance.of the public patronage is refpect
'llj solicited.
GEO. J, BOLTON
WALLS HOTEL,
LATE AMERICAN HOUSE/
r, '\!vH AN NOCK, WYONIHG CO., PA.
p"< en-aldUhinent has recently been refitted an
t fsrnished in the latest style Every attention
l ■ ' ziven to the comfort and convenience of those
'• patrunixe the House.
T. R. WALL, Owner and Proprietor.; j
'•akhannoek, September 11, 1861.
MEANS' HOTEL.~
t OWANDA, PA.
„ lb B. BARTLET,
<- ie ol i. RRRAINARD Horse, ELMIRA, N. Y.
PKOPKIETGK.
HOTEL > i" nne of tbe LARGEST
4 5,. I ARRANGED Housee in the country— It
k: r' ID mo,t mo( lern and improved etyle
lft ' P*" l ' re spared to make it a pleesantand
j ' t ' l ' ppi " K Pl " c * for *"•
- ! N ! AS ' 'j** bis customers tbe benefit of hie
i'vlu taeilities, and saves to them (be
k-'id to Jobbers, Middlemen and
•WWe dealers.
TDNKHANNOCK, WYOMING CO., PA. -WEDNESDAY, DEC. 9, 1868.
JLatest JVewSa
Late arrival of New Goods.
Great Bargains at the New Store of
O. Detridi,'
in S.'Stark's Bri;k Block
! AT TUNKHANNOCK. PEI'A.
Having just returned from the City, I am now
opening an entire New Stock of
FALL GOODS,
and one of the lorgest and richest assortments ever
offered in this community. Consisting of
RICH AND FANCY COL'RD DRESS
SILKS,
FRENCH AND ENGLISH MERINOS,
EMPRESS AND PRINCESS CLOTnS,
POPLINS, PARKMETTOS,
BLACK AND COLORED
ALPACCAS WOOL, ARMI"RE, PEKIN
AND MOUSELIKU DELAINS, INPORTED
AND DOMESTIC GrNGUAMS, PRINTS
<J Bsst Manufactures and Latest Style's,
i Ladies Cloths and Saoqueings, Cloths,
| Cassimeres, Vesting*
Satenetts, T weeds,
Jeans, Cottonade*.
Drills, Denims,
Ticks. Checks,
Stripes,
Sheetings
Shirtings, Bleached
A Brown. Shawls,
Sontags, Hoods.
Furs, Ladies' Reticules, Shopping Bags and Baskets
TRUNKS, VALISES, and TRAVELING
BAGS,
Latest J Styles,
Kid, Silk, Lisle Thread, Cotton
Gloves, Hosiery, Notions,
Toilet and Fancy
GOODS,
, FANCY SOAPS, PERFUMERY,
SfC , (J-.,
Black end Colored Velvets,
Ribbons,
RuJJles,
Frills,
Fringes,
Braids,
Beads, Ball and Bugle Trimmings
A Larg? qu.intitv ofß EST STYLE IIOOPSKIIITS
and OOKSETTS. scleect from M mufiicturers, at
greatly reJu-e.I prices,
FLANNELS all Colors and Qualities
READY MADE
ClottLingr,
AND GENTS
Furnishing Goods.
HATS AND CAPS
of Latest Styles,
:o;
CALF, KIP, and HEAVY, BOOTS *;SHOES.
Ladies'. Misses', and Children's Kid Prunelle Mo
rocco nnd Calf Gaiters, Shoes, and Slippers,
Wall and A'indow Pap* Window
Curtains. A Curtain Fix
tures. Carpets A
Oil -
Go ths. Chins,
Glass, and Stone Ware,
Tinware, — made expressly for this
Trsde, and warranted to give satisfaction,
20 per cent. Cheaper than the usual rates in this
section,
Nails,
Spikes,
Iron,
Steel,
Horse Shoes.
Horso Shoe Nails,
Nail Rods,
Paints,
Paint Oils,
Painteri
Material, Putty, Winston Glass, Kerosene O
Hall, jParlo}', Ntand, and Hand
Lamps,
Lanterns, Lamp Chimnies, Shades,
and Humers.
COAL,
ASH TON, TURK ISLAND, \ HDL . SALT
FLOUK.
FEED,
MEAL,
BUTTER,
CHEESE,
LARD,
PORK,
HAMS,
and FISH.
SUGAR,
TEA,
COFFEE
SPICES.
SYRI'P, A
MOLASSES,
WOOD tc WILLOW WARE,
ROPES,
CORDAGE.
BASKETS,
BROOMS,
PALS*
TUBS,
HASH BOARDS,
CARPET
wWEEPERS,
BRUSHES, of all kinds. .
PATENT MEDICINES. DRUGS, and DYES
FLAVORING EXTRACTS, Ac., Ac,
——— :o:
These goods have been selected
with great care to snit the wants of
this community, and will be sold as
heretofore, at the lowest living rates
for cash or exchanged for conn try
produce at market prices. Thankful
for the past liberal patronage, I shal
endeavor by strict attention to my
business, to merit a continuance of
the same, and will try to make the
future still more attractive and ben
etioial to customers.
C. DETRICK.
HERE'S YOUR NEWS 1
by mas oossip.
Good morning to you, Mrs. Smith,
I've been to neighbor Morse's ;
Poor But Cut Is kicked to death
By Charley Cannon's horses.
I thought I'd call around, you know,
But I have no time to tarry,
For Betsy Jane has got a beau,
And's just about to marry.
A charming day to run away,
It Is so cool and shady—
-1 suppose you know that Mary Drew
Has'got a little baby.
Annie Fall and Rufus Hall,
They were so grandly matted,
Have had a falling out, they say,
And now they've separated.
Old Jimmy Sing—the drunken thing—
Who stole from Mr. Freeman's,
And Harry Mott—another sot-
Are dying with the tremens.
And by the way, last Saturday.
When I was out walking,
I heard that Deacon Potter's Sue
Had sued old Farmer Stocking.
•
I do not knuw how true It Is,
But they tell awful stories
Of that affray the other day,
That happened out at Morey's.
You've heard about the gay White Fawn,
And how sumo people praise It !
I never go to any show,
Or would I go to see it.
Hut 1 must go—l cannot stay—
I left my bread arising;
But what this world is coming to.
Is moro and more surprising.
SOLILOQUY.
I wonder if he loves met
I'd give the world to know
If what he said the other night
Is true anil really so.
He said that I was pretty,
And look'd extremely weil—
I wonder if he meant it ?
How I wish that I could tell.
1 wonder i! he meant it,
Or did it for a lark. .
When going home to dim the light
And kis? me in the dark.
I never can get angry,
He's such an awful quiz ;
And then he comes so often—
I don't know how it is !
I wonder if he meant It f
The saucy, endless tease,
To place his arms around my waist
And give me me such a squeeze.
I'm sure he thinks I love him,
Because I don't refuse
To please and entertain him
Whenever he may choose.
I really think he loves me,
For, just before he went.
He kissed me twice and once again.
And said 'twas only lent.
To-morrow night he's coming.
To tease me just the same;
So If there's any damage done
I'm not the one to blame.
To heal the wound a bee had made
Upon my Nellie's face,
It? honey to the part she laid.
And bade me kiss the place.
Pleased, I obeyed, and from the wound
Sucked both the sweet and smart;
The honey on my lips I found—
The sting went through my heart.
XSPJosh Billings writes from Loner
Branch : The Grecian Crook is prevailing
here just now among the young Indies ;
the bend seeins to be some where near the
small of their back®, the same as the an
cient Greeks had, although I think their
walk resembles too much a sore footed
goose.
Thirty-two months' girl accosted
her parental relative a day or two ago :
"Papa will you buy me some holes to put
in my ears so lean have some earring?"
Papa is now looking for the holes.
X-rTAt a Methodist meeting the singer
who led the psalm tune, finding that his
concluding word, which was Jacob, had
not syllables enough to fill up the musio ad
equately ended thus: "Ja-a J-a—-folde.
riddle ccb !"
"My dear," said an affectionate
spouse, "am 1 yotit treasure!"
' Ou. ye," was the cool replv "and I'd
willingly lay it up in heaven."—What a
wretch ?
Mr. Spinach asserts that there are no
shooting siars comparable to the two eyes
of his MI s®ianna Arabella they shoot
straight to his heart and hit every time.
Macnagan, with a wheel
barrow, ran a race with a locomotive, and
as the latter went out of sight, Mac observ
ed : "Aff wid yez, ye roarin' blaggard, or
I'll be after runnin'into yez !"
XtT"Now, George, yon must divided
that cake honorably with Charlie."
"How do you mean by honorably, moth
er r
"Why, that you must give bim the lar
gest piece."
"Then, mother, I'd rather Charlie'd di
vide it."
"Doctor," said a despairing patient
to bis physician, "I'm in a dreadful state--
I can neither lay nor sit; what shall Ido ?"
"Why, then," replied the doctor, ''You'd
hotter roost."
" To Speak his Thoughts is Every Freeman's Right. "
PHIL'S MISTAKE.
11T W. SCOTT WAV.
A wet and stormy day it was—a day
that made a warm room exceedingly com
fortable, and caused one to shiver to look
out. The rain beat again3t the windows
and ran in torrents from the porch roof;
and the cold, fierce wind shook and twist
ted the tall tree? that grew around the
Ilinsley Mansion.
Phil Hinsley looked very comfortable,
though, seated in a large easy chair before
a bright coal fire ; his feet on a stool, a
cigar between bis teeth, and a newspaper
before bis eyes.
He was deeply absorbed in the paper,
there was DO doubt of that, for the Hav
ana in his mouth was entirely neglected ;
and by and by tbe blue smoke ceased to
curl up from bis lips, and his cigar was
out. He was oblivious to everything that
i day—Uit the three column 6'ory he was
reading—when the fire left bis cigar ; and
when Phil forgot his Havana, there was a
cause, and a good cause, too.
"Well," he soliloquised, laying down
the paper when the three coluins were
j finished, "that story is like all the rest she
! writes ; grand, sublime and true to nature.
! I'd give half my fortune to know her;
| I'd go five thousand miles, and make her
, Mrs. Ilinsley to morrow, if I could find
! her, and she'd have me."
i lie lit a fresh cigar, leaned back in bis
i easy chair, and took tip the paper again.
| "Blanche Burton," be continued, "of course
i that isn't her right name, for literary ladies
i always have a tson do plume, and I can
( toll Blanche Button is a non de plume by
the sound of it—come in ! "
A knock at the door had caused Hins
l"V cut short hi soliloquy, and the next
, moment a man waked in as though he
was perfectly familiar with Hinsley's house
• as Ilinsley was himself.
"How are you, l'hil?" he exclaimed,
seating himself before the fire. "Wet day
j-out —wet enough to drown ducks, and 1
iam wet to the skin. Got so blue and so
| lonesome at home today I couldn't stand
j it any longer, so I mounted mv horse and
iode over. And I have got something
, eapital to tell yon—but before I go on I'd
. like one of those prime cigars. Now wait
till I get a light, and I'll tell von all about
it."
Frank Carles lit his cigar, puffed out
two or three volumes of curling blue
smoke, and then said :
"You know I've got an uncle down in
\\ estvilic— a capital old chap, too! and
he's got a? pretty a ward as ever lived.—
She's got the bluest eyes, and sunniest
face, and reddest lips t ever saw, and
when that worthy chap who has the hon
or of being her guardian and my uncle
departs this life, she'll get the large end
of his handsome fortune !"
"I don't see anything very capital about
that," said Phil, stroking his brown mous
tache and blowing out a wreath of smoke
from his mouth ; "come to the point, old
fellow, and let us know what the capital
part consists of."
"In due tme Phil. Everything must
have a beginning, you know: but I'll tell
you all directly. As I said before, this
little girl of seventeen summers is just as
pretty as it is possible for mortal to be,
and 1 wouldn't be afraid to bet ten dollars
she is prettier than an angel, and my wor
thy uncle wants me to come down to West
ville, bringing a friend or two with me,
and spend a month or so at least; and
Blanche seconds the motion."
"Who?" exclaimed Phil, immediately
getting interested, and throwing away his
cigar. "Who seconds the motion ? "
"Blanche, of course," replied Carles,
"and I want you to pull up stakes with
me. Y r ou'il fall in love with her of course
—every one does that. I fell in love
with her myself when I was down in
Westville last summer, but she didn't fan
cy me at all, and told me so, too. So
you see if you do give your heart into her
keeping, I won't interfere , and her near
est relation is a maiden aunt of uncertain
age, who, by the way, resides with uncle
and Blanche, vou need not be afraid of anv
tyrannical father's Hoot toe Say x'on'll
go down to Westviile with me, old boy,
and if we don't have a capital time skat
ing and sleighing with the girls of West
ville. there's no piosquitoes in Jersey."
"Phil said he'd think about it," nnd
when one savs he will think about doing
a thing, lie is very apt to do it.
It was so with Phil Hinsley. He tlio't
of tbe sleighing, tbe skating and tlie West
ville belle?, but lie thought more particu
larly of Blanche—Blanche who ? He hud
forgotten io ask.
"If it should happen to be Blanche Bur
ton," lie mused after Frank left, "If it
should happen to be her I have
loved for the past six months but know no
more about her than tbe inhabitants of the
planet Jupiter, only that she writes the
most charming stories in the world, and
signs herself Blanche Burton.
But I'll go down to Westville with
Frank, anyhow, and if the Blanche he
speaks of should turn out toTie the Blanche
I think of, whv Pshaw ? What am I
thinking about ? " and he rose, put on his
hat and went out on the long shaded
porch. "L
Two days later Phil and Frank left the
Westville depot and, with travelling bags
in their hands, walked down a poorly pav
ed street to the house of Mr. Layton.
They were welcomed cordially, and
Phil to his great surprise and delight soon
found that the name of Frank Carles' par
agon of beauty was Burton !
Frank had not overdone the thing when
he described Blanche Burton, for she was
suerly beautiful in face and figure, and
besides the witchery of her laughing blue
eyes, and poutiug lips, she had a sweet,
tinkling, silvery voice, which at once took
the masculine heart by storm.
They soon got to be great friends, I'hil
and her, and Mr jpyton looked on pleas
ed, and Aunt Burton, the maiden lady of
utfcertain age, smiled, and Frank Carles
flirted with the Westville ladies, and was
as happy as it is possible for mortal to be.
Mr. Hinsley was satisfied io bis mind
that Blanche Burton of Westville, who
rode, sleighed, skated and talked with him
every day in the week, was the same fair
being who had charmed him for several
months with her pen, but he concluded to
say nothing about it to her; not for some
time, anyhow.
Weeks flew by—weeks of heavenly bliss
to him, for surely did pot his angel, the
being of his dreams for six months, sing
and play the rosy hours of the evening
away ?
And one clear moonlight night, as the
sleigh flew over the snow covered road,
and the bells jingled clear and silvery, be
told her the old story—too old to repeat,
and she laid her hands in his and answer
ed "yes."
Lncle Lay ton, as Frank dubbed him,
was delighted when Phil asked him for
his fair warJ ; he had no objection ; and
Aunt Burton, when she heard it, was
pleased, and Frank went into ectacies.
" W ell I want credit for all this, old fel
low,"'he said to Phil. "You know if it
hadn't been for mc you'd never came to
Westville, and if you'd never came down
to Westville, you'd never have won little
Blanche."
"Indeed,l'm very much obliged to you,"
said Phil : "and if you will be my first
groomsmau. I'll be still mote in your
debt.''
"I'll do that," replied Caries ; for when
there's a wedding on hand, I always like
t Le in it, and if I can't be groom, which
I'd prefer, 1 like to be the next best thing
which is groomsman. So, my boy, count
me in."
liie night before the wedding, Mr.
Ilinsley and bis betrothed sat in Mr. Lay
lon's cosy little parlor. Their conversa
tion was of love, of course. Could they talk
< i" am thing else when their wedding was so
near ? Phil at last resolved to broach the
subject of his fair intended's storv writ-
"I loved ''on, Blanche, before I knew
or saw you."
She looked surprised, blushed, and re
plied :
"How could you do that ? How could
you love me before you had seen me ? "
"Flow about those stories in the Week
ly? "
"What in the world are you alluding
to, Phil ? " returned Blanche, very much
puzzled.
"\Y hy," continued Phil, "I read several
ef Blanche Burton's charming sketches,
and—"
He stopped, for she had begun to laugh
immoderately.
"I see it all now," said she; "they were
Aunt Burton's* sketches you read. Her
name is Blanche too, and she is quite an
authoress. Why Phil, I never could write
a sensible letter, let alone a story.
He saw it all now, too, and laughed, and
then kissed the little girl beside him, not
caring three cents if she couldn't write her
own name.
It all leaked out after the wedding, and
Frank came near laughing himself into as
well as Aunt Burton herself, over PHIL'S
MISTAKE.
POWERS OF VELOCITY*—If a tallow
candle be placed in a gun, and shot at a
door it will go through without sustaining
any injury; and if a musket ball be fired
into water, it will not only rebound,but be
flattened as if fired against a solid sub
stance, a musket ball may be fired through
a pane of glass, making the hole thej size
of the ball, without cracking the glass ;
if the glass be suspended by a thread, it
will make no difference, and the thread
will not even vibrate. Cork, if sunk two
hundred feet in the ocean, will not rise on
account of the pressure of the water.
Smythe spent two whole days and
nights in considering an answer to his con
undrum : ''Why is an egg underdone like
an egg undone ?" lie would suffer no
one to teli hiin, and at last hit upon the
solution—because both are hardly done.
JL'-fT Two rival* belles meet at a hop.
" How well you look under caudle-light ?''
exclaimed one, with a stress on the can
dles . " And how charming you are in the
•dark 1" answered the other.
/'ST " My dear doctor," said a lad v, '*l
suffer a great deal with my eyes."
"Be patient, madam," he replied, " you
would probhbly suffer a great deal more
without them."
SOT A gentleman just returning to this
country from a tour in Italy was asked how
he liked the ruins of Pompeii. "Not very
well," was the reply, " they are so much
out of repair."
Some descendant of Solomon has
wisely remarked that those who go to law
; for damages aie sure to get them.
A Connecticut " merchant" placed
the following notice over his door when
about to be absent one afternoon: '* B
back about T time."
—
JCST Cider makers are properly mem
j bers of the press.
A WARNING TO DRINKERS.
Jinks drank too much, as all his friends
knew, but like many another good fellow
who drinks, it was bard to convince Jinks
! that he ought to let up on it. lie board
ed at one of the* hotels, and night after
night he would remain until past mid
night at the saloon bar "bissing" it in, ren
dering it necessary morning after morning
to have a cocktail brought up from the sa
; loon before he could get out of bed, and
then another to brace him up for breakfast.
Finally, the bar tender, who brought
j up the the drinks, remonstrated with him,
telling him that if he continued his course
much longer, he would certainly have tbe
"Jim-Jams." "The what ? ' asked Jinks,
not exactly comprehending. "The man
with the poker— get snakes after you — j
see things—have the tremens." "Oh, i
nonsense," said Jinks, "you can't scare me.
I have drank just so for fifteen years. It
| never hurt me. A cocktail or two in the
morniDg, and I'm all right, always,"
The bar-man had more sympathy for a
man on the downward road of iutemper
ance than most bar men have, and he de
termined to give Jinks a fright. Accor
dingly, the next morning, when the well
known ring from Jinks' room was heard,
the bar tender prepared a very enticing
gin cocktail, and placing it on a waiter,
surrounded it with sundry toads, lizards, 1
small snakes, etc. This he conveyed to
Jinks' room, that individual, who had
loaded himsolf with "benzine" the night
before rather more heavily than usual, ner- !
vousiy awaiting it.
"Morning," said Jinks, stretching out a |
hand that trembled some, "glad to see you :
—devlishdry this morning—what's tbeui?'
starting back in horror, "Why, what do
you mean?'' said the man, in innocent
wonder. "Why the toads, snakes, and
things around the tumbler '' said Jinks,
shrinking to the back of the bed, and
viewing the loathsome reptiles with aver
sion and dismay. "Why, Jinks, my man.
there is nothing around the tumbler—no
thing on the waiter except the cocktail."
"I tell you there are. I see snakes, toads,
and lizards there." "Ah, Jinks (with a
sigh,) I was afraid how it would be. I
told you yesterday morning, don't you re
member You arc seeing things when
there ain't things to see. You've got "em
sure."
Jinks raised himself up in bed.
"Do you mean to tell me," said he, that
there ain't no snakes and things there?"
"Most assuredly I do." Jinks considered
a moment, and then lying down, said in a
sorrowful voice, and with a mild repellant
wave of the hand, "take away your cock
tail !"
The story got out. Jinks found he was
sold ; but he quit drinking, for every time
he put his nose into a saloon where he
used to "infest," some one would sing out,
"Take away your cocktail!"
WHEN WIVES FADE.
Women do not lose spirit upon the first
intimation of cooling fervor on the part of
those who bold their destinies. So long
as the wife believes in the good faith and
sincerity of her husband she believes in
her own power, by increased watchfulness
in love and duty, to restore in him that
aidor which her ignorance or folly has
fempted ; and so long as hope lives the
heart does not break. But it is when she
herself has lost confidence in him as truth
ful, generous, tender and noble, consider
ate of her feelings and interests —when
she no longer reverences him as her friend
and protector, but regards him merely a?
her provider—possibly her enemy, assert
ing the prerogative of husbands and place
of friend ; when she holds ever his caresses
in contempt, preferring his coolness rather
than his kisses, and likes his presence less
than his place, that his wife's lite tiegius to
fade. She may not herself be conscious
that it is not the absence of his affection,
but ber own absence of faith which crush
es her; but sounded to the depths, the
cause of nine-tenths of the white, despair
ing faces we see among wives would be
found to be in the quiet coolness and dis
trust of their own heart?. Women want
constancy and kindness, and it is strancre
how the gravest philosophers arc some
times the most unreasonable idiots in love.
Let those husbands who consider wistful
ly the blooming faces nnd vivacious hab
its of married ladies, nobler men's wives,
rueing the roses and smooth brows that
have withered in their own rude keeping,
scrutinize themselves vigilantly and ques
tion who of tjie delicate could preserve
more of themselves so fostered. And let
them secure cheerful companions and hap
py homes by virtue of making their vows
good rather than by looking to the chan
ces of a divorce, and a fresh marriage,
which must be sin and can end in nothing
but misery,— Bishop London,
"DON'T STAY LONG."
It is rarely, indeed, that we have read
anything more truthfully pathetic than the
subjoined waif, which we find floating
among onr exchanges. Would that every
husband in the land might read and profit:
"Don't stay long, husband 1" said a
young bride, tenderly in my presence one
evening, as her husband was preparing to
go out. The words themselves were in
significant, but the look of melting tender
ness with which they were accompanied,
spoke volnmes. It told the vast depths of
woman's love—of the grief when the light
of his smilp, the source of all her joy,
beamed not brightly upon her.
"Don't stay long, husband !" and I fan-
TERMS. $2.00 Per. ANN uM. in Adv&nca.
NO. 19.
cied I saw the loving, gentle wife, sitting
alone, anxiously counting tbe moments of
! her husband's abence, every few moments
' running to the door to see if he were not
; in sight, ipid finding that he was not, I
thought I could hear her exclaiming, in
disappointed tones : "Not yet 1"
"Don t stay long, husband !'' and again
I could tee the young wife rocking ner
vously in her great arm chair, weeping as
though her heart would break, as her
thoughtless "lord arid master ' prolonged
his stuy to a wearisome length ol time.
Oh, you that have wives to say—"Don't
stay long" when you go forth, think of
them kindly when you are mingling in the
busy hive of life, and try just a little to
make their homes and hearts happy, for
they are gems too seldom replaced. You
cannot find amid the pleasures of the
world, the peace and joy that a quiet
home, blest with such a woman's presence,
would atford.
"Don't stay long, husband !" and the
j young wife's look seemed to say : "for here
j in your own sweet home is a loving heart
! whose music is hushed when you are ab
; sent —here is a soft place to lay your wear
y head upon, and her pure lips, unsullied
|by sin, that will pay kisses for coming
j back so soon."
—
SCENE AT A HORSE AUCTION.
Auctioneer on the block shouts "Bring
forth tbe horse !" Enter two attendants
i lea ling, or rather supporting, a dilapida
ted equine specimen too weak and emacia
i ted to possibly walk in without assistance.
' He has a head like a base viol, his back-
I bone is even too sharp tor chickens to
I roost on. and not hairs cuough in his tail
to make a fiddle-bow. There are bunches
big as watermelons on his knees, and gut
ters down his sides to carry off the rain
water.
Auctioneer. —"Ah ! gentlemen, here we
have a fine specimen of that noble animal,
the horse. 1 sometimes think that the
horse is in away related to man.
[Bystander—"This horse is a devlisb
poor relation."]
Talk of the sagacity of tbe dog, that of
the horse far surpasses it Look at him.
See how lie pleads for sympathy.
[ Bvstander—"Pleads for oats, more
lik^
\v hat shallT hear for this noble animal ?
[Rude boy—"Hear tbe bells tolling in
a day or two,"]
A direct descendant from Bucephalus;
he was sired bv Lexington, Kentucky, and
damned by
[Bystander—"Everybody that has own
ed Inra.]
Ilis maternal ancestor. Come, gentle
men, make a bid. If you want a family
horse, ola gentle and atfectionate disposi
tion, not disposed o run away,
[Bystander—"Or walk away, cither.]
This is your animal, Any gentleman,
by leaving a deposit of five doHars for se
curity against fast driving is welcome to
take and try him.
[Bystander—"For soap grease ?']
He is warranted not to pull when hitch
ed in the stable,
[Hostler —"Or when hitched in the
wagoti.]
And can go single or double.
[Bystanders —"He would go better with
a horse on each side of him to bold bim
up.]
Gentlemen, do I hear an offer ? If you
don't want him now you could easily dis
pose of him for a cavalry horse in the
next war. He may be considered the ne
plus ultra of a horse.
[Bystander—"Yes, the knock kneeplut
n/tru."]
"What Hm I offered ?"
A voice—'Seventy-five cents."
Auctioneer—"Sold !"
The bidder cries "sold," and then all the
people raised up their voices and cry"8old"
also.—[ Ex.
JOSH BILLINGS osr MILK. —I want to
say something,
I want to say sumthing in reference to
mittv az a fertilizer.
There are various kinds of milk. There
iz sweet milk, sour milk, skim milk, but
ter milk, cow the milk of human
kindness; but the moetest best milk iz tbe
milk that, hazzent the most water in it.
Butter milk izzent the best for buttur.
Milk iz spontaneous, and has done more
to incouiage the growth of human folks
than enny other likwid.
Milk iz lacteal; it iz aquatic, while un
der the patronage of milk venders.
Milk iz mistcrious. Cokernut milk has
never been solved yet.
Milk iz also another name for human
kindness.
Sometimes if milk iz aloud to stand too
long, a scum rises tp the surface, which iz
apt to skare folks that live in cities, but it
duzzent foller that milk iz nasty. The
scum iz called kreme by folks who inhabit
the country.
Kreme iz the parent ov batter, and but
ter iz 70 cents a pound.
The most kommou milk in use, withont
doubt, is skim milk, skim milk is made by
skimming tbe milk, wich iz considered
sharp practiss.
I forgot to state, in conclusion, that cow
milk, if well watered, brings ten cents per
quart,
of food is as essential to the
health of chickens as to anything else and
if left to support themselves they will ob
taiu it. In the winter when they are de
pendent npon man for subsistence, the de
mand of their nature should be as fully
complied with as possible.