HARVEY SICKLES, Publisher
VOL VIII.
iUuoming Ornuurat.
\ Democratic weekly
pl; r ieluted to Poll /• ;
"" f." j| pft'ti- J?
lt l Piio
AKVEV SICKIER
IVrus 1 i-opy 1 year, in advance) -52,00; if |
. ; j within six months, &2.5 D will lie i hur.eil i
v , paper will be DISCONTINUED, until all ar j
paid; unless at the option of I uMi
HATES OF ADVERTISING
TKX USES COSSTITCTK A SVll ARE.
une - juiiri- ••u - w ttiree iiiseriioiw •$> 50
tu ri -ul'sequ ut inseriinn less than 8 50
l.iiu. Estai r., PERSONAL PruPKKTV, and GurEltvl. j
A,-i r Rrisixo. a- mat he agreed upon,
•'AIEIT MMIICISES and other advertisenicnts oy !
the column :
t'ue column, 1 v--ar, S6O
111 If column, I year >•>
Third column, I year,
lourth column, I year, 0
Ipisiinss (arils ot one square or les-*, per year
, h I a per, 48.
f y Kiiitori AL or Local ITEM adveitisinjt—with
' A.lvt itiseti et t— 15 et>. |r line. Liberal terms j
I. with petmiinent ndveitirers.
KXLCU TORS. ADMIXISIRAtnhS ami AUDI- i
• iPS NOTICES, of the usual length, $2.51'
it ITI* VltlES.--x eeding ten lin each ; KET.I ;
il'S in I LITER AIS Y NOTICES, not of general
-rest, one half trie regular rates.
pj*" A I*ertiements aunt be handed in bv Tt'Ei- ■
Noon, to insure insertion the same week.
JOB WORK
-inls neatly executed and at prices tosuit
It' "cs. i
| t TR ANSIENT ADVERTISEMENTS and JOL! j
;G a ust he paid tor, when ordered
litis in ess \otices.
j, K.esW BLIirTLU ATTORNEYS AT
it i, Uf Uifiee on Tioga Street Tunkhaniioi-K Pa
IJ S. TIMtPEI. PHYSIOiAA * St'KUEON |
LI • Newton Centre. Luzerne County Pa
1,, I'AKKISII, ATTORNEY" AT LAW
'• I th-e at the Court House, in Tunkhaiiock
li ming Co Pa
h K. H, I* IA 1 I ATTORN E i "Al LAW of- j
H t-e lii Mark's Uric k Mock
" * !
P J 111 ASK. ATTORNEY AND COUNSEL |
1 UK AT LAW, Nicholson, H'jiitbing Co*, P-
L r euu' attention given to settlement of deve
estates
> ; t'k. Dee. 5 __ j
I J. W II.MN, AT TO NFY AT LAW, Col
1. ectmganl Real Estate Agent. lowa Lands
t ;.'ie. Scran on, Pa.
W. It lIOADS. PHYSICIAN A SI KUKoN,
. .li attend piom ; tly to all calls in bis pro-
May he louod at his Oflico at the Drug
- -at uts residence ou Pultuau SAiet, formerly
,-tJ by A. lv. Peckham E.-q.
'ORTBAJT, LANDSCAPE,
AS D
OBK A MEN TAB i
PAIMTIIVG,
liv ItUGBJt, Artist.
. * .icr tht Wyoming National bank,in Stark's .
block, 1
iUNKfI YNNOCK, PA.
<• .'•■ Portraits painted from Ainhroty|ats or .
1 gr.ipl.a Painted in OilCtlurs— j
rdcrs for paintings executed according to or-j
■ ucharge made.
It" Instructions given in Drawing, Sketching,
i t m I Landscape Painting, in Oil or water
i • .n I in all branches of the art,
- r July 3! 'g? •rgnSU-tf.
HIFFUKtJ UOUSK.
iSKHANNOCK. WYOMING CO., PA.
i:-TABLIsIIMEXT HAS RECENTLY j
'•;F:al :inl luruished in the !*te-i tyle. j
.".turn will he given in the con fort aod
. ... E ot t hose who patronise the House.
11. IH'FFoHD I'roptiftor.
. uii> .k. I'i., June 17, 1363 —v7n44.
BOLTON HOUSE.
u \UUISIU' h(i, I'KWa.
i'..- jn l-reigned having lately pur based the
iII.LK ItOl SE " pmperty, ha* already roin
ii.!lteration* an.l improvements a* will
I an I (>• >|>ul.■ r House rjnal, if r.ot au|w
. ilnttl in the City of II irrUhurg.
m-e of the public patronage is refpeet
iteil.
GEO. J. BOLTON
WALL'S HOTEL,
Mrs AMERICAN HOUSE,
Mi! t\ NOCK, WYOMING CO.. Pt
ddiahuient has recently been refitte.l an
• r n-h*.i n tne latest style Erervattenti.il
' ■ v*n t. th* i-.iinf.irt an.l convenience ot those
•i't -nir* -be 11..ue
T I!. W ALL. Owner an.l Proprietor.
■ nn*k.September 11. IS6I
MEANS' HOTEL.
TOWANTDA, PA
18. BAHTi.KT,
18 U "m-AIVAKO llot'MK, KI.MIHA. N Y
PHOPMIETOK.
' IIUTEL, i one ot toe LARGEST |
J AKK.tXG Ei> Houses in the country—lt
1 "k '.n the uiost modern and unproved style
ire spared to make it a pleasantutia
' ' ! l'O.g piace for all,
• * 'ot Boots or Shoes and the full value for
oto Ristniso'*- lie has every fa- \
lUioui-luring an I i-h ilh-nge* coin pet ili'-n
I L i ur. li i.e a j.air of K istiu m's wator
'' I- - ts. certain to keep any man's teel
*e.ir them, tor a twelve month.
1 "* necessity for complaints of wet feet i
man s w.i tor-proof Boots are warranted a
, perfect remedy, and this wariar.t |
* ritt, B gnaratite. , if ri quired.
h "'ina.o's AY iter-proof Bonis are iua>l
* ,la ' sr '! oe iin the obl-fashi >ne.l way —in
r ' .nst jueutly will turn water and wdi
■ I l.np.ir:et Ercn h Calf Boots, uiau
!"y K istni in f.rslO, are superior to
I'—.t. M 111. I, . ost 114
< j ' F" 1 ' "ion French Calf lire** Boots,
ill v" ar ' are a neat, e.yiisb ..si durable
nu th. w i B mwrkel.
TUNKIIANNOCK, WYOMING CO.. PA.-WKDNESDAY, OCT. 28. 1868.
Latest JVews,
Late arrival of New Goods.
1 Great Bargains at the New Store of
C, Detrick,
in S. Stark's Cri.k Blink,
| AT TUIHAIOCK, PEI'A.
j Having just returned fro in the City, I sin new
1 openiug an entire New Stock of
FALL GOODS,
and one of the longest and rictest assortment* tver
oftcroJ in thi* community Coifeistiug of
1 RICH ANI) FANCY COL'KD DRESS
SILKS,
FRKNCII AND ENGLISH MERINOS,
EMPRESS AND PRINCESS CLOTH;,
POi'LI Ns, PA REM ETTOS,
11LACK AND COLORED
AI.PACC 4 S WOOL. AK.MI'KE PEKIN
AND Mot SELIEU DELAINS, INPORLED 1
AND DO MESTIC GIN OHAMS; PRINTS.
I of Rest Mat ufactures ufid Latest Slyks.
Ladies Cloths and Irfacqueings, Cloths, |
Caasiiuere.". Yestings ]
Satcnetts, Tweeds, j
deat.s, Cottonades.
Drills, Denims,
. Ticks. Checks,
Stripes,
Sheetings
Shirtings, Pleached
A Brown. Shawls,
Sontags, Hoods. j
Furs. L .dics Reticules, Shopping bags and Batkets
i TRUNKS. VALISES, ami 1 RAVELING I
RAGS,
Latest Styles,
Kid, Silk, Lisle Threat!, Cotton
Gloves, Hosiery, Notions,
Toilet and Fancy
GOODS,
FARCY SOAI'S, PERFUMER Y, j
ir<= , 4 c., 4-.,
Black i iid Colored Velvets,
Ribbons,
RfjJles,
Frills,
Fringes,
R raids,
Beads, Ball and Bugle Trimmings i
A Large quantity of BEST STYLE HOOP SKIRT* j
and COKSETTS. seleect from il .nufacturers, at j
greatly reiu e I prices,
FLANy ELS all Color ind
READY MADE
Cloth.ing,
AND GEN TS'
Furnishing Goods, j.
HATS AND CAS j '
of Latest trie*. '
| ,
: :
CALF, KIP, and SEAVY, BOOTS A SHOE*.
Lad'es', Misses', an l Children's Kid Prunelle Mo j
roeeo an I Calf (Suiters, Shoes, and Siipp-ers,
Well nad Window Pape Window I t
Curtains A Cuitain Fix
tures, Carpets A
0i I -
Cloths, t him, t
GIMSS, and Slone Ware, j ,
Tinware, —m.ide expre.-sly for this
Trade, aid warranted to give satisfaction, 5
20 per ctct. Cheaper than the u?ual rates in Eti i
keetiun. I .
section,
| Aails,
Spikes,
Iron
Steel.
Jloree Shoes,
Ilurso Shoe Nails,
Nail Rods
r(tints,
Pu nt Oils,
Pain 11 rt
' Mule rial. Pal ty. IT iWttr Glass Aetostne Ci
; //all, Parlor, Stand, and //and
Lamps,
j Lanterns, Lamp Chhnnies, Shades,
and '/darners.
COAL,
ASIITON, TURK ISLAND, \ DHL SA L'J
! FLOUR,
FEED,
MEAL,
BITTER,
CHEESE.
LARD.
PORK.
HAMS,
1 end FISH.
SUGAR,
TEA.
COFFEE
SPICES.
SYRUP, A
MOLASSES,
WOOD A WILLOW WAKE,
_____
ROPC*.
COM IMGE,
BASKETS,
UKOOMB,
I'AII.B,
11118,
WAII HOARDS,
CARPET
e A EEPEKB,
lIKIkHEk, of all kinds.
i PA'IENT MEDICINES. DRUGS, and DYES
FLAVORING EXTRACTS Ac., Ac,
|
These goods have been selected
with gieat care to suit the wants ot
this community, and will he sold as
i heretofore, at the lowest living rates
lor cash or exchanged lor country
produce at market prices. Thankful
for the past liberal patronage, I shall
endeavor by strict attention to my
business, to merit a continuance ot
the same, and will try to uiake the
future still more attractive and ben
eficial to customers.
C. DKTKIL'K.
The Bond Question.
Tiinraas Kwing, Sr., of Oiiio, has issued
an address to the unpledged voters of fhe
United States, in which, after a careful
review of the political situation, he said :
Until recently I had intended to sup-
Dort General Gran' for the Presidency,
and would do it still, in the hope that the
Democracy will obtain a majority in the
I House of Representatives, and thus hold a
restraining power, but facts which I have
shown above render it impossible. l>d
men, with more intellect and m<>re force of
j character than himself, have possession of
him ; and if |ie he elected President will
probably continue to ride hint, and the
. country with liira ; and some oi the worst
existing abuses cannot be collected against
Lx'CUtive opposition.
In looking over the whole ground most
carefully - , and vv.-igliitig consequences |
1 well, I have come to tne conclusion that il
. were better that the Democracy prevail in
; the coming election ; UM| thus di idc lor
j the present the Legislative, while vvc re- .
store the Executive ami Judicial power 4". ;
|No evtl can ensue. \Y e shall have a sea
j stm of repose and lime for reflection b' - -
! fore called m again to act. There is pro- j
tiiuiul philo-ophy in the ol J Scotch prov
! .-rh :
j "The showers fall short when the wind is still." |
I have aheadt shown it will give us a
i season for i> qniry antl reflection, and the i
1 -aoic consul vattve power which can now
give success (it either party can st the end
; <! two years do the same thing, and place
the Government in the h nids of those who
may he then loiiud most worthy to control ,
it.
My mind ha* long been made up as to j
the principle which should govern us iri
, ihe adjustment of the public debt. It is
! ibis : So far as our coat I arts are distinct
! and explicit, we rnut abide by them, no !
matter how unequal or onerous. As for |
exautpl •, whete we have promised to pav ;
I lie interest or the debt, or both, in gold, i
national faith requires and we mu-t so !
i pay it; hut wnere the contract is not ex- j
poeit, but requires construction, we must
deal with creditors and the people pre- j
cis> lv as au enlightened court of equity |
would deal, with debtor and crediior tin- ;
der like conditions. For example : The j
creditor borrows lorty Vents, or deprecia
ted bank paper worth lorty cents, which i,
ilie public calls a dollar, and promises to
pay interest, six pr cent, on i s nominal ,
<>r fifteen per cent, on its actual value in
gold. The promises to pay the gold in | ,
Icrest being explicit, the nation who owes ,
tlie debt should pay it, for there is no |
usury law op.Mating on contracts with
sovereigns; but where a distinction i> tak- i ,
en in the contract between the debt and j,
the interest the inteiest onlv made pav- | ,
aide iti gob' equity would require that i (
the debt should be paid in that which i* j ,
equal in value to the fund received. | (
Sovereigns have not always meted out ,
tliis even-hand.-d justice. 'l'lie coin of j (
nations has tieeii sometimes debased after ! (
a loan made, so that one pound of stiver
and one pound of copper would be made (
to pay what was two pounds of silver ; .
when the loan was made. This was a I
gross wrong. If is equally wrong, on the j,
other side to take the name for the thing, (
I Htiu pay an ounce ot siiv r l>> the lender t
j hit four tenths of an ounce borrowed, be I
! cause each in its turn was called a dollar, i
; hquitA, if called into action, would sutf r ;
| neither one or'the other, hut require the j
j payment fiom soviT. ion or subj.el of the
I aiiiotinl borrowed. icgardlcss of name.
litis should be the rule of payment, if
i-uirei.cy were borrowed which was worth
torty cents on the d -liar. currein-y or
bonds of. qui vah-nt value should he paid.
Such are my views of the duties of
those who represent bondholders and peo
ple, an.) who arealike the agents of both,
l ire committees •>! Countess who Lave
charge ot I In- subject should examine each
class of cas-'H careluliy and do justice to
each. It matters not by wlmm the lumds
all- he d. whether large capitalist! or wid
ows and orphans ; each at d all art- entitled
jto equity ; no more, no less. If you
give them lesk, you wrung them; if you
| give them more, you wrong the people,
| who are the debtors.
THAT'S ME. — Vv R C heard a g.-od st.>ry
ot a •') rt" youngster, whose < X'Stence on
tin* portion of the moral vineyard w..uhl
ox end over the period of five long, long
j years. His.mother expecting to receive
! company, had fixed him up so sweetly,
ariai'ging his hair and attire only as a
j moth' r can. As a ort of a finishing
i touch, she sprinkled on his clothing and
i handkerchief a h-w drops of Jickey Club,
J greatly to the youngster's t|. light lie
went around puffing and snulfing like a
wild deer, when the hunter approaches
him. lie went through ' 'lie regular
amount of kissing ami petting like a hern,
j but to hi* astonishment, no one seemed no
one seemed to notice the Jockey Club.
| though he waved his handkerchief that
their nose* nught catch the ftagrance.—
llumap nature, five years old, couldn't
j stand that, you know-, so lie broke out
with : "Folk's, if any of you folks smells
a smell, that's inc.''
tIT The fo lowing was copied literally
from an obi 'omhsfwne in Sc-dland :
Here lies the body of Alexander Maepherson.
Who was a very extraordinary person ;
He was two yards hi(?h in his stocking feet ;
And kept his accoutrements dean and neat.
He was slew
At the battle of Waterloo,
Plump through
j The gullet, It went at bis throat
I And cam* out at ths bach ot hii coat-
" To Speak his Thoughts is Every Freeman's Riaht.
THE NATIONAL FINANCES
The Fearful Augmentation of the Public
Debt.
A Letter of Hon. Robert J. Walker.
[From the National Intelligencer.]
On account of the great authority of Mr,
W alki rin what respects Goveinm-n fi
| nances, we take great plea-uie i i laying
: before the public an extract of a letter
friini him addressed to a citzen of Phila
delphia. It is as follows:
', (Extract from a letter dated Washington,
Oct. 6, IS6B, from Robert J Walker,
late Secretary of the Treasury to a Iriend
in Philadelp'-ia.^
In reply to your inquiry, I would sav
that the table <>f pub'ic <h'bt of .lie United
j Stat<-s, at various periods, referred to in
the y*tinnnf ln'rlUg iiCrr of yesterday
( morning, is accur te in a!! respects, having
been taken from lite hooks of the United
States Treasury. You ask me if it is a
faet that the iiuiiu-il xpendittires of the
Government have been increased, as there
in stated, over forty six millions of dollars,
! (SIG.OoG.o'JO) by an augmentation to that
extent, ot the yearly int. r.-st irl curr ncv,
jof the public debt since April .10th. ISGo.
I answer, that it is ,m iudi-pntabl ■ fact and,
1 will add, that from a careful considera
tion ..f the condition of the I'reHsuiv, it is
clear that litis animal interest will goon
increasing. |( j* possihle that there might
he asm til reduction of the public .ebt
: last month, but this reduction, if m ide,
I will be in debts bearing ma.nly no interest,
or in wir c aims within Id. wln'st the debt
bearing coin interest will be HUgnion'ed
That tli re is an iiW> as d ycarlv exp. n
j ditnre, exceeding forty-six million of d >l
- lais since April 10. I BGS. to meet the aiig
i merited infeust (as currency) of tlie public
, d bt, is cert tin. Plus is ttie true test .>l'
| our financial Condition, and. to ine, it
sei-nis certain, that nothing hut u total
| change of policy will mce u> from u nation
ol bankruptcy This change of policy must
1 b ba -ed upon a vast decrease of our an- ;
nual exp' ii liturcs as tc.mmuieui.h d in my
financial I. Iter of November last. We
must abolish the Freed nan's bureau; we
must recall the army from the South, and
reduce it to a liiodeiate peaee establish- j
in -nt. We must terminate th re the joint '
rule of the negio an I the bayonet, (and; '
slavery and secession having been forever j
abandoned,) permit the S >uthern States, j
in obedience to the Federal t'onsiituiion.
to govern then s. lv. sa> before the rebel- I
lion Tli • fact of this vast increase of the
annual inteiesl of the public debt is na a
disputed question. It rests on transcripts
from the Secretary, and cannot he denied. ;
I'his item of expenditures f>r the increased ;
annual interest of thepunlie debt 1- uea rlv ;
equal to double the entire yearly exp-ldi-
Cures of Mr Folk's administration b fore
the Mexican war. and nearly equal to its j
subsequent atiriiifil expendi'itres, iuclud ng
the war, and heavy payment for the p<in
e, pal and interest of the public debt. Fut
evn if we take the 30th of November last,
ttie date of the last annual report of the
•Secretary of the Treasury, we find the jn
creased inn j.a interest, as etiricncv, of the
public debt, *'26,574,121) from the 30th of J
Novem' ei !a-1 (1867) to the 3 Ist of Au
gust 1808, augmenting at the rale of.
ihree millton of d d!a sa month, or thirty
six millions of dollars ;i yesr. At this
' nee of annual expenditure for interest 01.- ,
j ly on (he 30tli of November 1809, h Hub- 1
j over h year, this single In m of yearly ills j
! buisments would reach seventy-two mil—
I ons of dollar*. It is char then, that the j
Uadieal policy leads rapidly and certainly
; to a national lunkr.iptev, and that nothing j
; can save us hut a change of men and j
j 111 easu le.
The New 15 Anv. - - e have hid sol
many kind ft lends a-.k about that baity, that ;
jwe have thought it necessaiv t>i hiogiflph
i the chap brief!v. ami somewhat alter ttie :
| current style of the day. It's a hoy. lie's j
| a busier. A eighs nine pounds ami a >
! quarter; and old women tells 11s Tie will 1
grow heavier as his weight inerea-es. tie's j
; tlie first boy of winch we've ever seen pro- j
prietor, and of course it the only hnbv in
town. Ti.e old woman before mentioned 1
| declared him the very image of his pa; " M j
; little oopi of his faithful sire in face and
j gesture." Cut in justice to the youth. we |
| must say we think him an improvement 011 j
the original —a world of progress, v.Ol
know ! This young American is as old as !
' | could lie expeeti d considering the ti i.e he ;
was hoi 11, and will ilouhless he too old for |
| hi* father in a f.-w years, if lie has good
I luck. He is quite reticent in politics, and j
j only wants to be left alone. We think he j
1 favors Mrs Winslow's policy. We have j
not named him yet ; we want to giv.- him a 1
j distinguished cognomen, but the fame of,
i our groat men is at present so precarious
■ | that we don't like to risk. It is perhaps un
• j rieeessary to say, as all biographei* do of!
: distliiguished personages, thai the subject
jof this sketch was bom at a very early ;
age, of poor hut respectable parents.'
Writertt Poster.
tJP A Nevada widow erecteil a tnmb
| stone and planted rosebuds upon the
! supposed grave of her husband, only to
I haVe the ungratef d man turn up alive j
: from the other side of the mountain just
; in time to sp .il a pardeulaily advantageous
marriage for which she had eng.g-d her
self. Perhaps the grave was dug so deep
j that ho fell through.
of the Grant Electors in Ala
i bams is an ex-confederate captain who
| took the oath never to take a ptisouer
| alive. j
THE DANDY.
c After natur had fini-hed the fust man
and the fust woman, she had a little mate
tial left at the bottom of her cups, and not
willing to waste anything, she mixt the
two remnants together, more for a frolic
than erinylhing else, just to see what the
compound would produce.
Throwing the mixture onto the dieing
coals, in a tew minutes a half baked, comi
kal creatures lav smirking and mincing
before lier.
This iz the way that the fust dandy wuz
' made, and with a bouquet in one hand and
j a looking glass m ihe other. Dame Nature
' turned him loose into the world to toot.
The' consttukshttn of this creature of
! remnants iz p. culiar
i A dissection of a dandy, in fhe thirteenth
' centurv, revealed the fakt that his h*art
resembled a pin eii-hion having no cells,
j the interior of it b. ing tilled with cotton
bate.ng and sawdust, and stuek awd over
1 the < u side with rosetts. and dead butter
'] fli s. wiih pins through them.
Hiz head vvas divided into innumerable
li t e stalls, in aaeli ov wdiieh wuz deposited, j
in sohili m, a verv small quanity of brains,
which ack ted independent of each other
>ne stall wuz devoted to kid gloves as
a science, another to tight boots, and a
third to cologne water.
All his thoughts and affeckshuns are di- !
vided between the lit of hiz clothes and
adinirasiiiin ov them.
His ideas never grasp ennvthing strong |
: er than I'halon's last sensashnn in perfiim ;
i ery; Ins whole emotional natur finds its ;
| nouri-hment and counterpart in a plate <d ;
the last Pari- fashion, bung up at a tailor's j
window.
I Ttie genuine dandy—one who know-]
hiz business—never tall in love with ermy- ]
tiling but a looking glass; hiz strongest I
pashnn iz adincrrsltun, ha kaut teach th !
dignity of love.
To love required both brains and a soul; j
and a dandy in love would b- az whimsi- I
kal a -ight as a butterfly kneeling at the ,
l feet ova tulip
Your real dandy iz a long lived bird:
biz pashions are we-k, Intt regular, and, |
hke a watch, the works and case wear out
; together,
lie grows old like a boquet, arm is bii-k
I am I in Iminor to the last,
j I'andys have no cour .ge, their pashans
i are a mixture ov weak and de skate thing-;
1 thev kant insult, nor he insulted; they are
rabbits among men, an I among ' women.
: not bold enutf tew he feared, not uscli-Ss
enutf lew be tii-piz. d.
Tl iere iz not one .sit gle trait in their
characters, that 1 kan think ot now, high!*
j eoinitieiidible; the are -elfish (and have a
I right to be) bekause thev haint got ennv
j thing to spare; their amhi-hun haz no more
j glory in it than a scent bag.
I C< ver. r.ce implys faith, and a dandy
j Itsz no faiih, but in tin* case otitis hai
dresser, or tayloi; m ekne-s implys hopi.
in them iz nothing but emasculated impu
dence.
Hut while theze useless creatures lack
the villi ws ov life, they are si-ldom, m
! never gilty ov ern.y first class vices, the*
go through life heedless ov awl that iz
veiy good, or very bad, and when the*
i git redd*' to die, it iz ov az little impnr
| twice tew the world as the loss of a cos
i in ItP Itd'Htfil r.r I'loitni' fit iwt in a if till*.i i
!in tic receipt, or a clever twist m a yallei
| neck tic.
Yo .r genuine dandy seldom unites; he
! Courts as tl c humming bird duz among ti.e
! fiowi-rs, for honey, not a wife, and thinks
I that his attacks are awl conquests, but no
j sensible woman wou d man v him enny
i quicker than she would knowingly take
! coiinteifeit money in cl/ange,
The world will never be rid ov the d u
--! dy, there is so many pincushions hear is,
•j and heads not made lor brains, there is so
I much vanity that il is amply pleased with
j a dog's head on a bamboo cane, there iz so
! it 1 in• 11 kindness in looking-glasses, there iz
;so much fiagrance in being a pin feather
j king, for an evening among silly heails.
> that young dandys will keep being horn,
| .old old damiys will frisk in spile of their
| _ out, or eiiiiybody's phdosopliy.— Josh
; Billings,
I.OJtGSTREKr. — f.ongstreel's pilgrimage
( to the Jacobin patty must have been a
! good deal like a man in western IVnnsyl
v uiia , wiio inqniied afa hiy wlietln rhe
; knew where Jake Kleinfelter lived. The
| boy said lie did. Says lie, ''Can vou tell
Ime ?" "Yes, sir," said the boy. "Do you
j see our ham down there?" "Yes, ays he '
[ "Goto that. Almut three hundred \arl>
! heyand the barn you will find a lane
: Take that lane and follow along for about
a mile ami a half. Then you will come
jto a branch. Go up the branch about a
quarter of mile, and then you w ill come to
| a slippery elm log. Y>u he mighty keer
i ful, stranger, about going on that log; you
may gel into the branch; and then you go
'on up unt I you get to the biow of a hill,
and there the loads prevaricate, and vou
' lake the left hand road and keep that un
til vou get ir to a hig plum thicket and
when you get there, why then—then—j
then'" "A hat titer. ?" "Then, stranger, I'll
' be darned if you ain't lost.
Idt e Pf.opi.ic. — Boss Browne does not
give a very glowing account of the people
of Sicily. The whole communi'y live by
begging. The children beg for a pastime,
while the adults beg in order to set an ex
ample, In the whole country lie doubts if
i there aie one hundred men who have ev n :
a desire to get above broken breeches and
cheese parings. Ho was in the vicinity of
Mount Etna for a week; and vt i • a I that
time he only saw one man in a hurry, and
I be fell off a roof.
SEVERAL JORES.
( •'Gentile .lutlne** alwaj s loves a joke."—POPE.
Wliy was last year iike tl fifth year
t before !a.st ? Because oue was 1860 and
, the other was lß6u TWO.
1 Why is a percussion cape iike death .'
' Because it is a DEBT O' NATUR (dctoua
r, '••)
In what circumstance* is a woman that
w. ars stays ? STRAITENED circumstan
> ces.
If spectacles were christened, what clas
[, sice! name would they receive ? You SEE
HV us (Eusebius).
What sort of birds make cool summer
• pantaloons ? Russia ducks
Why are radicals and negroes like the
cholera and the small-pox ? Because there
is no telling which is worst.
What is the only thing that a mean
man does not keep ? His word.
When is a young lady Bweetcst? When
she is CANDI(E)D.
If I argue with a man who is in a house
on the other side of the street, why can t
we ever agree ? Because we argue from
• different PIIEMISKS,
Why d ocs a clock always look bashful ?
Be"cause it .keeps its hands hefoie its
i face.
Why is a poor singer like a counter- ,
feiter ? Bucause he is an utierer of bad )
I
notes.
Why arc policemen iike t lie days of man? i
; Because they arc NIMBEKED.
Why is the common chord in music.
; like a portion of the Mediterranean ? 1
Because it is the E, G A. and C —(.Egim '
i Sea. •
When is a defunct mother like a dog ?'
! When he is a M\ STIFF.
I Why are some of our generals like a
I dancing master's toes ? Because the) !
! MUST he turned out.
What Engli-h word expressed the Latin
j for cold ? "Jedy' docs (GKUDTS).
When I observe a certain part ot a pret '
i iy girl getting into an omnibus, why i* it '
like a liberal bequest ? B.cause it is a i
Handsome LEG I SEE ( legacy.
Wliv is wit like a Chinese lady's foot ? I
Because brevity is the SOLE of it.
Why is a blacksmith like a safe steed .'
Because "one is a borse-shocr, an.! the oth
er is a SI RE HORSE.
Whv are auctioneers ugly men ? Be
cause tiny are always Foil BIDDING.
What sort of desire does the modern
upid excite ? Cui'lDlTV.
What is the difference between a law
suit and a lawyer ? Some times the one
WON T LIE but tlie other always WILL. 1
\\ hat is flatter than a ilal ? A flatter
er
Why is an eclipse like a man whippin.
ids hoy > It's a hiding of the sun.
When are books like mummies 1 \\ htm
ihev are bound m cloth.
Why is an oblivious man like a broker i
He is always FOR GUTTING.
Why is a gracious man like a benevo
lent ONE ? He is alwaia FOR GIVING. (
The following i 9 a list of the real "B< ys in I
UIIIAA " trhn snnnnrt Rpvtminr fur ,
Blue, woo support Seymour tor rresi j
dent:
G*U Geo. B. McClcl'ao Gen J. J. Peck
(Jen W. S. H*nr.ick Gen J. IF. Blanchard
Gen Gordon granger Gen 11. F. McMahou
Gen Driu* tf. Couch Gen Theo. Ranyon
Gen Clias. P. Stone j(itn j. B. Sweetzer
Gen IF. (Baldi )Smitl Gen j. S. Fulbrton
Gen Gers o.m Mott Gn JS. Craig
Gen Geo. IF. Morgan Gen j.C. McGoxvan
Gen A Sanders Piatt Gen 11. S. Coiningef
Gen Wen. Gen Hugh Cameron
Gen Geo. A Cuatar G n Henry M. Nagle
G-nL. II Roii-aeau .Gen Root. Patterson
Gen Geo. V C ok Gen E. B. Brown
Gen J hn E. Wool aien j. G. Psrkliurst
G>-n W. F. Rogers 1 Jen Ilenri A.Morrow
G n John Love Gen Thus Curley
Gen A. A Jveanra iG- o O. C Maxwell
Gen M -rgan L Smitl Gen 11. E. Duvies,jr
Geo Geo. N. Rober is Gen j L. Cr> Xtnn
Gen R. N. Bowcrnia' Ger jaiues Shields
Gen Thomas Ewing,J Gen jame R. Slack
Gen IFin. B Franklin 'Gen II 11. Heath
Gen J A MeC email Uien C D ./Vnnebaker
Gen 11. IF. Slocuin Gen Hugh E*n.g
Gen Jolin IF. Horn [Gen Tims H. Benton i
Gen Tbo*. IF. Kgan j Gen IFilhs Gorman i
Gen IF. J. Sewell ' jen T. Kirby South j
Gen Chaa. E Pnelps iG*n Geo, 0. Roger*
(ten J. B Sieadinan pien 0 B IFilcuX
Gen IF ID. 11. Davis Jen j 0. Davis
Gen W. IF Averill ! Gen N M. Cnrtia
Gen A'ex. D MeCuoFGen J J Ban (etc
Gen Peter L> le !Gen IF. T, Hard
Gen AS. Daggett jGen C (.. Looinis
Gen A C, Guietn ;Gen B. Piridge
G> n M K. Patrick Gen 11. C. Ilobart
Gen jos. F Kn'pe |Gen II C Donlap .
Gen Gen P Esty 'Gen C .a* Fairchild
Gen je*se j Phillips 'Gen IF. C. IFt-.iitaker ■
Gen j. IF. Denver 'Gen W. S. Rnsecrsns '
Gen Thoa. A. Davies iGen D C Buel!
Get E S. Br'itg :Gen F. 11. Warren
Gen Durbin Hard Gen R. A. Vaughn
Gen S. M Zul'ck Gen A. A. Sievens
I Gen jamts McQuade Gen IFin ilirti>horn
i Gen T. L. Cniteuden Gen J. ll.Hob't Ward j
j Gen E. H. Hobson Gen jhn Clark
j Gen Wm. P. Benton Gen Gen. Spaulding
Gen A. S. IFilliams Gen J. F Baliier
Geu E. L. Dana Gen Wellington Ent |
Gen Richard Coulter.
'
A GOOD JUDGE OF A SI RSIOS.— Dr. j
Barnes, who i* now about ninety-five yr's
of age, beinjj sometimes—as even younger
men might be—inclined to sleep a little
| during the sermon, a friend who was with
j him in his pew one Sunday,joked him on j
' hi* having nodded now and then, Barnes j
| insisted he had been aw ;ke all the time.
'I ''Well, then/' said his friend, "can you j
tell me what the sermon was about? "
"Yes I can," lie answered ; "it was about
I an hour too loug!" 1
TERMS, $2.00 Per. ANNUM, in Advance
iUisf anfj OHmtoisf.
i It n man is given to liquor, let rot liquor
be given to him.
A glass young man ought to break
' j the beer gia-s.
Some ladies use pain*, as fiddlers do
rosin—to aid them in drawing a beau.
If one extreme doesn't prevail another
is sure to The waterfall lia* .simply gme
down to the Grecian Bend. The ladies
1 are bound to stick out on something.
A liesh atrivul from England went the
other day to a livery stable in Not wich.Ot.
On being asked if he would have a buffalo
he said, " Yd lather 'ave a 'oss.'*
A "vet ran s'udent of human nature"
i ays: '"lt one wants a flirt,take a brunette:
if one wants a cook, take a blonde. It
one wants a wife, take neither."
! The ladies who wish to assume the po
sition given the form by the * Grecian
Bend" are informed that the wiping ot a
: few grecti apples, an ear ..from and a eu
( euuiur, will have the-desiied effect.
Fiedi-colored gaiter-, with tlie toes
i stiel e.l I li black, lo look as if tim foot
; was bai . a:e reported 0 be the nek, t
I mo le. i ncy are said to iiavu a shocking -
i . lutturu! effect.
T- 'V iiia,* exclaimed a little minx oi
tbiiteeb, '(lo you know what the pyrolcch
nies! !■ ns ly is for a crv ing infant
"Giaeiou- goutiness, we, no; I never
: hear ! a ibii.g ; '
' "i\ ell, me, it's rocket."
sf{'" "M< dear," said a lad\ to her hus
d, " esc friends w ill riot, believe roe
when I say I'm only forty wars oht.—
| on know that 1 speak the truth don't
you?" 4 *l certainly shall not deny it,
uy love, since you have stuck to that
J point for the last doz.m years, to uiv cer
tain knowledge,"
Two girls driving a buggy on a plank
road n Indiana were stopped and asked
'Or toll. "II >w much i- is?" "For a
man an lln r-," r> pi ed the gat. keeper,
• the charge is fifty cents." "Wed then
get out ot the way. for we are two girls
nil! ani tre, tin ut>, J -uny ! " anil away
ifiev went, leaving die man tu mute as
toi inhmeut.
I lie editor oi oiic o| our c> chtinges
threat, lis to ivu Kl x ins delinquent sub
scriber*. Hear iiiin : Some of our sub
scriber* f'tgot to pav up mis sjiring ! The
secr**t serpent hs h's*ed ! I'avu*!
Bloody b lis ! Yaller coffin aiins ! J'HV
rmr subscriptions prompt'y ! The friz
zled eat mews J|) iili to traitor-! Two
dollars a war ! Your doom i- sealed !
K K. K.
A continued old bachelor used the f<>!
lowing argument agiiust matrimonv :
"MusJiu is a great promot -r of laziness.
If ya unu men wish to accomplish anything
if moment; eolvr with head or hand, ti.ex
iiin.-t ki ej'clear of the iriifitn io-. \ pair
oi sweet lips, n small waist,a swelling chest,
i jire-sure of two d.in-ate bands. will do as
much t> uniting a man ;s Inree levers,
the nu'a-l -. a large sized iioopi tg cough,'
pair of lockjaws, several lixdrophobias.aiul
the doctor's bill. That fellow nee N re
const i ucting, badly.
"\\ 'u.t i. use is llmt.- *a I Mr*. I*hrt -
mgtoii t - I •, as ihat !101 1 |',| w.is |o ,ki; g
tlno,,_!i a 1,,,. i"i 'l a crowd collectid
•me ••x.-nii.g in froi! of his tn-.luer's hum
hie w ilin-*, "Tie y arc tpvcii to I've
c'i ■'s the nexviy itiairied folks a -io-s
die io ," was lite • MOM'f. "Oulv three
he. i .' -. d the xni ; ov, as hertnind duii
dh i hio the iin-iiiiiir of h i- own mar—
V■ -M ; botiiy three cheers ! it seems to
u • lilt-x Stake a great lass about tu.li a
itt! ■ .i- g. W by, *ake.s alive. 1 had it i.t
i ' / - .v ii 1 xx is married to your father
f- . IF bought six in .'re at auction
ivljc i xx. v.-s-iW to lions ■ k'. eeping, {.| ::
see :.wli oy cti g-t along with only
hi'ee , hut ,i is always wt'li to beg'n in a
sit!-/' XX.. j." fke gave a mot nntilial
stii t i\ but she was too deeplv absorb
td in the ni"morv .f other days to heed the
uugra. ' .ps act of her sen.
A laujhahle occurrence t'o!c place
some time since at a sewing circle in Sit;-
cle irville, Chautauqua county. N. Y.
"Little Charley," a four xear old, was
lamenting his inability to attend a circus,
then in town, and said to a maiden ladv
present (of very dignified bearing) that he
wanted to sec the monkey. The lailv tried
to console It'iß.
"Never mind," she said p king \, "look
at me. T look some like one,"
"Yes,' sad (.'hat lev, "hut you linv. no
hair on your hack."
-Well, but I have on my head," replied
sh<*.
"Well, but you have no paws."
"No matter, Charley, my hands a e
about as Mack tc day."
"Well, anyhow, you have no tail
This was a poser, and put the question
at rest.
The KreJoma Advertittr is responsible
for the Above,
XO. 13.