HARVEY SICKLER, Publisher.
VOL. VIII.
tUpming pfinotral
A DcVdoeratic weekly _ -T
f*per ile'oted to Poll .
eire Ne"', the Arts Ck j j J
ii Sciences Ac. Pub- JG It {TJT'*" J/'-L - .
li.-hed every Wfednes- *.
i'y, At Tunkhannock *"{ jj jjcl£§|^
Wyoming County, Pa ~J \ * V {SgB jj |&
IY mV Y SICKLER
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with paper, SB.
EDITORI AL or LOCAL ITEM advertising—with
out Advertisement —15 ets. per line* Liberal terms
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EXECUTORS, ADMIXISTRAtVRS ar.d AUDI
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JOB IVOItk
of all kinds neatly executed and at prices to Suit
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ill TRANSIENT ADVERTISEMENTS and JOB
WORK must be paid for, when ordered
Bus in ess No t ices.
it R.AW ELITTLE ATTORNEYS AT
li LAW Office on Tioga Street Tunkhannock Pa
IT 9. COOPER, PHYSICIAN A SURGEON
ll> Ncwfon Centre, Lu7.cnie County Pa.
A I . FAMISH, ATTORNEY AT LAW
L*n(sj . e at ibe Court House, in Tunkhanock
Ww*iiiiiig Co. Pa.
Fin/Sr i-1a Ir. Ai iuKNEv A! LAW of-
VT tioe in Stark's Brick Block Tioga St., Tunk
oiaoock, Pa.
,'TTJ Art (SL, ATTORNEY AND COUNSEL
I L"R AT LAW, Nicholson, Wyoming Co-, P.*
t=;eiial utteulion given to settlement of dece
it!.'. • l:-UtoS
\ k - a, Pa. Dec 5, 18g7 —r7n!9yl _
if J. 11 II,SOW, ATTORNEY AT LAW, Col
*l. ,,nug and ileal Estate Agent, iowa 1. mls
n sale. Scran.on, Pa. 38tf.
T" w, NROADI, PHYSII IAN I SUROEoN
Jt will attend prom; tly to all calls in his pro
-,-IOD. May be Hound at his Office at the Drug
> or at tiis residence ou Putiuaii Sreet, torincriy
i u; led by A. K. Pcckhaui Esij.
SENTISTRY.
o wye v*
_ —-
[AT:. L T. BI'RNS bas permanently located in
- * Taukha&pncfc Borough, and respectfully tenders
II jrul'esjiona! services to its citiions.
'IS * an second floor, formerly occupied by Dr.
• iaa.
Dm it itf.
PORTRAIT, LANDSCAPE,
ANL>
ORNAMENTAL
raa.TKri"ir&.
Tip Jf. 'J{CG/?l£, Artist.
!Uam over the Wyoming National bank,in Ntark's
Block,
TUNKIIANNOCK, PA.
Lif--iie Portraits painted from Ambrotypes or
ta.'graphs i'botograpbs Painted in OilCilors —
Ml orders for paintings executed according to or
hr .r no charge made.
I?' nstructions given in Drawing, Sketching,
? "iit and Landscape Painting, in Oil or water
. sr. and in all branches of the art,
Link.. July 31, *(j7 -vgnoO-tf.
HUFFORD HOUSE.
UJNKHANNOCK, WYOMING CO., PA.
UHG ESTABLISHMENT HAS RECENTLY J
' cecn reiitie lan 1 turtii-heii in the late-t style. ;
'•fry attention will be given to the comfort and
'-lenience u! those who patronize the House.
11, IIT'FFORD. Proprietor.
Tunkhannock, Pa., June 17, 1863 —v7n44.
BOLTON HOUSE.
1 lAHRISHUItG, PKNNA.
The undersigned having lately purchased the
IUEIILER HOUSE " property, has already com-
R:i. S.i such alterations and improvements as will
' ier this old and popular House equal, if not supe
r. to any Hotel in the City of llarrisburg.
A continuance of the public patronage is refpect
■ V ao.lcited.
GEO. J. BOETON
WALL'S HOTEL,
LATE AMERICAN HOUSE,
IT N K IF \\ NOCK, WYOMING CO., PA
T*III- - iishment has recently been refitted an
' fur® in the latest style Every attention
' given to the comfort and convenience ot those
,J - patronixe the Ifoue. ,
T B. WALL, Owner and Proprietor'.
Tuakharnock, September 11, 1861.
MEANS' HOTEL.
TOWANTDA. PA. .
u B. BABTLET,
i-eoli_ XBRAINARD Hoi SK, ELVIRA, N Y.
PKOPKIETOR.
Jk* MEANS HOTEL, Done of the LARGEST
UK.-T ARR ANGED Houses in the country—Ji
'ted up in the most modern and improved style
•- ~'J pains are spared to make it a pleasauluud
J ee-mip .topoing p;ace for all,
vinJlly.
i : UIV CUEAP,"
EIUTTORM
'■'OREMIAU OMPBELLS', Tunkhannock Pa.
u49 tf, 1
TUNKIIA KNOCK, WYOMING CO.. PA.-WEDNESDAY, AUG. 19, 1808.
flftridi's Column
Spring Trade for "68
Will open ON or eboel the Ist OF May,
AT TUNKHANNOCK, PENN'A.
;o;— —
C. Detrick.,
(SUCCESSOR TO BUNNELL k BANNATVNE,)
I'toposcs to establish himself permanently
in trade at this place, at the Brick
store house in Sam'l Stark's Block,
where by fair dealing and fair
prices he expects to merit and
receive the public patronage.
Attention is called to the following in
Dry Goods 2
1 SILKS,
POULINS*
ALPACAS,
LUSTRES,
DELAINES.
GINGHAM',
PRINTS*
SHAWLS.
1,41)1 ES' SATAUINGS,
DREFS TRIMMING!#,
BLEACHED AND BROWN MUSLINS,
CLOTHS AND CASSIMJSRES
GENTS' FURNISHING GOODS
TOILET ARTICLES.
NOTIONS, AC. !
— —
Groceries.
SUGAR,
I
TEA,
COFFEE, |
MOLASSES,
RICE,
SYRUP,
CANDLES,
SOAP,
STARCH,
FLOUR,
FEED,
SALT,
RORR,
BUTTER,
CILEESE,
DRIED BEEF,
HAMS,
FISH of all kindl,
BEANS,
AC., AC.,
Hardware,
A FULL ASSORTMENT.
Cutlery
OF ALL KINDS,
MEN'S AND BOYS'
Ilats and Caps.
Boots Sf Shoes,
A FULL ASSORTMENT.
This branch of business made a speciality. A lot of
SEWED ARMY SHOES,
A GREAT BARGAIN,
SOLE LEATHER.
CROCKERY.
WTOM E,
MOOO AND
TIN IV ARE,
in xreat variety-
All kinds of Produce taken in exchange tor Good*
The above articles will be kept in full assortment, J
I mean to make the experiment of goods sold in
quantites cheaper than ever before In this vtoiuhy, J
I shall be bappy to see you, and yeu can depend up
on finding bargains in every uepartmenl. Goods re-
CfltVUll SVSRY week.
Respect full v yours. j
C- WSJtJCJL.
| Jc^rg.
THE NEW SENNACHERIB.
The freedmen came boastfully down to the poll.
And hispeckets were filled with the things il* had
stole,
And the whites of his eyes shown with terrible glee
And the scents of bis presence was awful, you see-
Like tho leavings of wardrolies, al earliest day.
His cohorts appeared in shabby array:
Like the leavings of dinner thrown out on the ground)
Said cohorts at nightfall could nowhere be found.
For the ribbons o< red give themselves to the bias;.
And the freedmen grcv? frightened anl pa!e as the
passed;
Near that seductive symbol his courage was killed)
And the rage of the club-room was suddenly stilled.
Oh ! courage that faints at the chance of affray}
Oh ! daring that dwindles and wilhers away}
I Oh ! earpet-Kigs famished, and yawning for spoil—
lOh ! passionate pilgrims—the thoroughly "loil."
—Xew Orleans Paper
i • CURE FOR CONSUMPTION. — Eat all that
! the mind requires of* the most nourishing
; food, such as fresh beef, lamh, oysters* raw
egg- 1 , fruit, vegetables* and three times a
day take a glass of egg-nog. made as rich
as the patient can bear. Avoid all alcohol
ic drinks. Bathe twice a week in water
j agreeably warm, and in a warm room. Af
ter bathing tub the body and limbs With
i sweet oil. Exercise daily in the open air;
I walking is the best. Stand erect, exercise
j the arms and lungs freely; keep the mind
j cheerful; take freely of the cough medicine,
; and consumption will be a stranger to your
I household.
For making the best cough syrup, take
; one ounce of thorugh wort, one ounce
| o! flaxseed; simmer together in one quart
j of water until the strength is entirely ex
i tracted. Strain carefully; add one pint of
\ best molasses and half a pound of loaf su
gar; simmer them well together, and, when
! cold, bottle tight. It is the cheapest, best,
and the safest medicine for coughs now ev
ier used. A few doses of one tablespoonful
at a tune will alleviate the most distiessing
j cough of the lungs soothes and allays irri
tation. and if continued subdues any ten
dency tu consumption; breaks up entirely
the w hooping cough, and no better remedy
can be fund for croup, asthma, bronchitis,
and ail affections of the lungs ami throat. —
Thtviands of precious lives may be saved
every year by this cheap and simple reme
dy, as well as tiiocsands of dollars which
would otherwise be spent in the purchase
of nostrums, which are both useless and
dangerous.
JOSH BILLINGS' ANSWERS TO COB
IIESPONDNTS.
"BAKYACLB* —I kant tell ye exactly
when the ' Getty-burg Asylum Gift Lot
tery" will Jrate, but probable, like other
pickpockets, the next good chance they
get.
' Br.MMEit." —When I hear a man brag
ging about hi* ancestors* it alwas makes j
me feel bad—for the ancestors.
"HILLY,"' —I'utty iz like molassis, very j
good ointment, but sickish for stiddy
diet.
" , BENINE, m —Men who Lav a grate deal
to do with losses, seem to dcmotalize fas
ter than the bosses do.
llosses are like dice and kards, altlio
the} are virtuous enutf themselves, how
natral it is to gambol with them.
llosses love the society of man, and be- j
ing susceptible oV grate deceit, they will :
learn R mart to cheat and lie before he J
knows it.
J know lots folks who are real pins, and I
who am hon st enuff to work up into uni
ted estate assessors, and such good moral
chunks left over, but when they wonie to
tork ho-s, tha want as much lookin after
as a case of dipthery.
'•BRONX," —Club-houses are usually asy
loins for hen peeked husbands and va
grant bachelors.
I bav been told that certain musktllat
ft mails have gone into the club house biz
ness lately in New York city and that tha
hav had one scttin al Mr. DelmotiicoZ~e
hlreadily, which ended amikable. This
speaks volume- for the fitter growth and
usefulness uv the order, but the grate joke
of the thing is, that awl their proceedings
is to be kept datk.
TALMCDJC I'ROYEHH.— Even when the
gates of prayer are shut in Heaven, those
of tears open.
When the righteoUs dies, it is the earth
that loses. The lost jewel w ill always be
a jewel, but the one who has lost it—well
may he weep.
The reward of good Words Is like dates;
sweet and ripening late.
To slander is to murder.
Thx friend has a friend, and thy friend's
friend has a friend- be discreet*
The camel wanted to have horns, and
they took away his ears.
Descend a step in choosing a wife, arid
mount a stop in choosing a friend.
If there is anything bad about you, say
it yourself.
One eats; another says grace.
He who is ashamed will not easily com
mit sin. It is a good sign in man to be
capable of being ashamed.
IMPUDENT QUESTION. —To ask a mer
chant if he has ever cheated a customer.
To ask a doctor how many persons he
has killed.
To ask a lawyer if he ever told a lie.
To ask a subscriber if he has paid the
printer.
To ask an editor the name of any of his
correspondents.
To ask a young lady if she would like a
beau.
To ask a iuan to lend you his pocket
book.
" To Speak his Thoughts is Every Freeman's Right. "
JIM WOLFE AND THE TOM GATS
NY MA lift TWAIN
I knew by thfe sympathetic gtoW Upon
his bald head—l kuew by the thoughtful
look upon his face—l kneW by the emo
tional flush upon the strawberry on the
end of the old free liver's, nose, that Bi
llion Wheeler's memory wits bu*y With
the oi len time. And so I prepared to
leave, because all these were symptoms ot
a reminiscence—signs that he was going
to be delivered of another of his tiresome
personal experiences - but 1 was too slow ;
he tzt the start 'if me. As near as 1 can
rceolleCt* the infliction was couched in the
following language :
We was all boys, then, and I didn't
Care for nothing only how to shirk school,
and keep up a revivin 1 state of devilment
all the time. This yar Jim Wolfe I w-as
talking about, was the 'prentice, and he
was the best hearted feller, he was, and
the most forgivin' and onselflsh, I ever
see —well, there Couldn't be a more bulli
fier boy that what he was, take him how
\ou would ; and sorry enough 1 was when
1 see him for the last time.
"Mo and llcnry was always pestering
him and plastering boss bibs on his back
and putting bumble-bees in his bed, asid
so on, and sometimes crawl in and
bunk with him, notwithstanding his growl
ing, and then we'd let on like we was trad
and fight across him, an'stir him up like.
He was nineteen, he was, and long, and
lmk, and bashful, and we was fifteen and
sixteen* and tolerable laiy and worthless.
" So that nioht, you know* that my sis
ter Mary give the candy pullin' they start
ed us off to bed early, so as the Company
could have full swing, and we rung on
Jim to have some fun.
" Our window looked out onto the ell.
and about ten o'clock a couple of obi torn
cats got to rarin' and chargin' around on
it, and catryin' on like sin. There was
four inches of snow on the roof, and it was
froze so that there was a right smart crust
of ice on it, and the moon was shintn
bright, and we could see the cats like day
light. First, they'd stand oft' and e-yow
e-yow, just the same as if they were cus
sin' one another you know, and how up
their backs and lush up their tails* and
swell round and spit, ami then, of a sud
den, the grey cat he'd snatch a handful of
fur off the yallar cat's ham, and spin him
around like a button on a barn door.—
But the yallar cat Was game and he'd
come and clinch, and the way they'd
gouge, and bite and howl, and the way
111 v il make the fur fty war powerful.
" Well, Jim he got disgusted with the,
row, aiid 'iowed he'd climb out atid sbake
'cm off'n that roof. He hadn't reely no
notion of doin' it, likely, but we everlast
ingly dogged him and bullyragged him,
and 'lowed he always biaggod how he
wouldn't lake a dare* and so on, till bitne
by he hLted up the winder, and lo and
behold vou, be went —just as be was—
uothin' on but a shirt, and it was short. —
Yon ought to have seen bim a creeping
over that ice* and diggin' in his toe nails
and rttiger nails in for to keep him from
slippin' * and above all* you ought to a
seen that shirt a fb'ppin' in the wind, and
theia long rediklous shanks of bis'ti a
glisteniu' in the moonlight.
" Them comp'ny folks was down there
under the eaves* the hull squad of'em
under that ornery shed ot dead Washing
ton Bower vines—all scttin' round about
two dozen sassers of hot candy, which they
sot in the snow to cool. And there was
a laugbin' and talkiu' lively : but bless
you, thev didn't know notbin' about the
panarama that was goin' on over lheir
heads. Well, Jim he went a suenkin'
and a sneaking up, onbeknonst to them
turn cats —they was a swishin' their tails,
and \ow yowing and threteuin' to clinch,
you know, aud not payin' any attention*
he Went a sneakm' and a sneakm right up
to the comb of the roof, till lie was in u
foot and a half of 'em, and then a!i of a
sudden lie made a grab fur the yallar cat!
Jlut bv g 'sb, he missed lire and slipped
holt, an' his heels flew up an' he flopped
onto to his back, and off'n that roof like a
dart! went a snoashin' nnd a crashin'
down like a yarth quake in tliein two doz
en sassers of red hot candy, and let off a
howl that was hark from the tomb!
Them girls—well they left, you know.
Thev see be waru't dressed for company,
and so they left. All done in a second;
it was just one little war whoop, and a
swbh of their dresses, and blame the
wench of them was in s ght anywhere.
"Jim be was in sight ! lie was gorm
ed with the billin' hot molasses Candy
eh-an down to his heels, and had mere
busied sassers hangin' to him than it be
was n Japanese Princess —and he catne a
prancin' and every jump lie give he'd
shed cliii a, and every i-quirm he fetched
he dripped sonic candy.
" And blistered! Why, bless your
soul, that poor soul couldn't reely set dowu
comfortably fot as much as four weeks.
gs?" The art of a great writer is seen
in the perfect fitness of his expressions.
He knows how to blend vividness with
vagueness, knows where images are need
ed, and where by their vivacity they
would be obstacles to the rapid apprecia
tion of his thought.
The Pacific Ocean covers seven
ty-eight millions of miles'; the Atlantic
twenty-five millions.
Society, like a shaded silk muri
be viewed to all situations, or its colors
will deceive us.
PREPARING FOR A WAR OF RACES
The desperate ail venturers Who have
been admitted as Representatives of the
Southern States in Congress, are likely
to produce uo little trouble. They are
reckle-s to an extent that is truly alarm
ing, and have boldly taken the initiative
in Measures of a revolutionary character.
Not only do they demand the immediate
impeachment and removal of the Presi
dent, hut they have united in an effort to
arm the, negroes of the South, With the
avowed purposfe of maintaining the supre
macy of the black over the white rado bv
force of arms. On Thursday a most ex
citing debate on this subject took place in
the House, and the discussion was stleh
as to alarm even Washhurne and other
Radicals. During its continuance an out
spoken follow, Deweflae, of North Caroli
na admitted that the negro government
could not be sustained a month except by
bayonets, and the other adventurers froth
the South coincided with him in that be
lief. Only one voice from the Southern
States was raised against the infamous
proposition, of trausferribg United States
aims to the hands of negroes, and the des
perate white men who are anxious to in
augurate a war of races with all its at
tendant horrors. Mr. Boyden, of North
Carolina, a strong Union man was the
only a-Jvocate of moderation from that
section. lie said:
'• Mr. Speaker, 1 am alarmed at the con
dition of the country. It is proposed to
send arms to North Carolina, that the
people may use them against each other.
Great God ! We cannot afford to fight
each other. Keep away your arms ! Do
nothing to irritate our people, but do
everything in your power to assuage and
heal the excitement there. We want no
arms. I warn the House that if arms are
sent there we will be ruined ; we cannot
live there. If we need anything in the
way of arms, in God's name send an army
of the United States there, but do not arm
neighbor against neighbor. There never
was a more mischievous measure than this
proposition to arm one class of our peo
ple against another."
Washburne, of Illinois, was alarmed at
the temper which the Southern adventu
rers exhibited. He saw how much the
chances of Grant we re likely to be dam
aged by the recklessness of these desper
ate men, and appeared to deplore the
course which was being pursued without
having the power to cheek it. He urged
his party friends to act with moderation
and said ;
I tell f/entlemcn to beware before they
pass thin measure lest it is not an invitation
to isvil War and insurrection in those States.
The Southern revolutionists tiny not he
able to inaugurate the contemplated war of
races before the Presidential election, but
that it will inevitably come unless tho peo
ple o( the North defeat the Radicals this
fall none ean doubt. Let the people renti-m 1
her, when they go to the polls, that the
only hope of restoring peace and prosperi
ty to the country is through the triumph of
the Democratic party.
TNS GREAT RULE OP CONDUCT. —The
rule of conduct followed by Lord Erskine
—a man of sterling independence of prin
ciple and scrupulous adherents to truth
is worthy of being engraven on every
young man's heart. "Itw as a first com
mand and counsel of my earliest youth, "
he said, '• always to do what ttlv conscience
told me to he a duty, and to leave the
consequence t®God. I shall carry with
me the memory, and, I trust* the practice,
of this parental lesson, to the j grave 1
have hitherto followed it, and I have no
reason to Complain that mv obedience to
it has been a temporal sacrifice* I have
found it, on the contrary, the road to pros
perity and wealth* and I slilill point out
the same path to lily children for their
pursuit." And there can he no doubt,
after all* the only safe rule of conduct is to
follow impiicity the guidance of an en
lightened conscience.
SAY NO ! Arc you solicited to engage
in anv pursuits or to enter into any en
gagements which your conscience reject or
which you forsce will bring a cloud on
your prospects of honor and usefulness i—
" ThoU shalt say, No." Are you press
ed to grant favors or indulgences to per
sons who h£.Ye no right to ask them, or
who Can only be injured by them —favors
or indulgences, too, that you are not in a
Condition to bestow, consistently with
your other engagements ? " Thou shalt
say. No." Are you importuned to join
in any amusements, to consent to any
measures which vou believe will sully the
purity of your character or lessen ti.e
weight of vonr good influence, or in any
Way exert a mischievous effect on society ?
" Thou shalt say, No." Let tho Conse
quences, he what they may. "Thou shttlt
say, No."
A* AGREEMENT.— Major Bradfoid and
I*. 11. Hamlin, of this place, have entered
into a singular covenant, which they claim
is a bone fide arrangement. The agree
ment is this; If Grant is elected, Hamlin
is to wheel a barrel of flour from Great
Bend to Chicago, and if Grant is defeated,
the Major is lo wheel a barrel of flour
from Maine to California, he giving Ham
lin the odds of distance between Great
Bend and Maine, and Chicago and Cali
fornia. A heavy forfeit is included in the
bargain.— Northern Pennsylvanian,
£.& " Let us have peace, " says Gener
al Grant.
Furnish the niggers of the Bofltli With
arms to bring on an exterminating war
upon the whites, say his mongrel friends
IU Congress.
ANOTHER WAR.
•Ttlsl at this time the mongrel papcre are
busy In trying to induce the people to be-
LH-ve that should SKVMOIR and BLAIH be
successful; which they will that our coun
try will be cursed With Another war. Now
in nil earnestness we want to know who
will be responsible for it ? If the Democ
racy succeed they will not for they Will
have control of the reißs of government;
and if a war is inaugurated it will have to
be started by the mongrels, who are very
willing to behevte would favor such a course
if ihev thought by doing so they could re
main in place and power to cheat and rob,
nnd oppress the people.
As to these thfeatnings they simply show
the extremity to which that party is driven.
They have prayed, pleaded and coaxed of
the masses, to come tip to the support of
theilr candidates And now wl en they And
that their is no inducement they can hold
out* sufficient to secure the endorsement of
the people-—they attempt to trighten them
into measures by crying war ! war !
If mongrelUm wants another war let it
''tire ahead." Let it go on in its infamous
Course, and let its robbers and cowards
whom it has gathered into brigades under
the title of the Gtaiid At my of the Repub
lic, to steal chickens and frighten helpless
old worn in* but show a sign of war and in
less than ten days there will he fewer mon
grel voters in this country, than there are
christians in perdition. The people are in
no mood to be trifled Willi—they are not
feeling as if they are going to give up every
right to which they are entitled, because a
lot of cowards and cut throats, say wc will
tight if you don't help us to succeed. No
sirs \ Go on with your threats. Arm
your hummers and deserters and niggers,
and mxishil year hosts to battle, and you
will find that you will be blotted from ex
istence quicker tban one of your roost rob
bers can wring the neck of a spring pullet.
—Bdltfonle Wutokmnn.
CONCEIT —Hardly anything is more con
temptible tban the conceit which rests
merely upon social position —the conceit of
those who imagine that thus they are di
vorced from the clay of common men, of
those who shrink with horror from the idea
of Work, as something which degrades by
its very contact, and yet who. v*.ry likely,
owe their present position to some not re
mote ancestor* who recognizing his call to
work, lived more honestly in the world than
they do and was not ashamed ot soiled
thumtis. It is one of the meanest thing:*
for people to he ashamed of the work from
which they draw their income, and, which
glorified their ancestors more with their
soiled aprons and black gowns, than them
selves with their fine ribbons and flash jew
elry. It might be a fine thing to he like
the lillies, more gloriously clothed than
Solomon, and doing nothing, if we were only
lillies. Advantageous positions is only a
more emphatic Call to work; and while
those who hold ttie advantage may not be
compelled to manual drudgery, they should
recognize the fact that manual drudgery
may he performed in the same spirit as
that which characterizes their own work,
and therefore that it is equally honorable.
Rev. Dr. Chtyin.
Is HE RICH ?—Many a sigh is heaved*
many a heart is broken* many a life is ren
dered miserable, by the terlihle infatuation
which many parent often manifest in choos
ing a life-companion for their daughters.
How is it possible for happiness to result
from the Union of two principles diametri
cally opposed to each other in every point,
as virtue .s to vice ? And yet, how often
is wealth considered a better recommenda
tion for young men than virtue. How
often is the first which is asked respecting
the suitor of a daughter, this: "Is he rich ? '
Yes, he abounds in wealth; but does that
afford any evidence that he will make a
kind and affectionate husband ? "Is he rich?"
Yes, his clothing is purple and fine linen,
and he fares sumptuously eVery day* but ean
VOU infer from this that he is virtuous ?
"Is he rich ?" Yes, lit he has thousands
floating on every ocean; hut do not riches
sometimes "take to themselves wings and
fly away ?" And will you consent that
your daughter shall marry a man who has
nothing to recommend him but his wealth ?
Ah, beware ! The gilded bait sometimes
covers a beatded liook. Ask not, then, "is
he rich ?" but "is he virtuous ? ' Ask not
if he lias wealth, but has he honor! and do
not sacrifice your daughters peace for mon
ey*
t£' A few' nights ago. Mr. Bodkin, who
had been out taking a glass and pipe, oil
going home late, borrowed an umbrella,
ahd When his wife's tongue was loosened,
he sat up in bed and suddenly spread out
the parachute. "What are you to do with
that thing?" said she. "Why, my clear, I
expected a severe storm to-night, and came
prepared " In less than twenty minutes
Airs* Bodkin was asleep*
CfT Mrs. Oakes Smith is out In advance
of the wontan reformers. In a letter to the
Journal of JleaWt she says;
"I stand to the point* and nail my colors
to the mast in defence of it—that it is
right proper and delicate for woman to
choose her husband; and the man thus
distinguished by her choice \Vill feel hioiself
ennobled and sanctified." "Sanctified,"
that is the word.—This is leap year. Let
the woman commence the sanctilicatiou at
ODCe.
Why is a watcr-lillv like a tvhale ?
Answer.—They both couio to the sUrfaCe
to blow.
TERMS, $2.00 Per. ANNUM, in Advance
Pisf antt
Ink has been called the black Slate that
waits upon thought.
✓ •
What is the difference between a hill and
a pill 1 One's hard to get op and the Uthari
hard to get doWo.
If a burned child dreads the fire, why does
St person who has been singed by Cupid'a
t >rch so often have a lingering regard for tha
old tlame ?
PKUFE' T BLISS. —The young Chinese Irn
peror, twelve years old, rej aides in the celes
tial title of "llis High Prosperity." His im
perial father was,"Perfect Bliss.
NOT IGNORANT,—'"I atn surprised, wife, at
your ignorance," said a pompous fellow.—
"Have j'ou never seen any books at a'l V
"Oh, yes." she replied, N A M'MJJEK OR
KICKS."
NOTHING TO WEAK. — Woman who cotn>
plain that they have nothing to wear should
go into the ballet business. If their com
plaint is true, thty Will be ready to take tho
first steps.
There is something exquisite in the Yan
kee's reply to the European traveler ; whn
asked if he had just crossed the Alps, he
replied : "Wall, now you call my attention
to the fact, I guess I did pass a little rtsiu'
ground.
THE DUMKER'S BEI.T.—A country paper
claims the champion duuner's belt for a geu
tlemanjof the town in which it is published,
who dunned a man on his knees in churchy
and compelled payment before he would al
low him to resume his prayer-.
PRETTY HEAVY, CONSIDERINU. —S topping
at a village inn, there came a thunder storm
and Captain Hill, surprised that a new coun*
try should haVe reached such a perfection in
these metereologic manufactures, said to a
'• Why, you have vety heavy
thunder here."
"Well, yes, replied the man, "we do, con
sidering the number of inhabitant*."
An individual at the races was staggering
about the course with more liquor than he
could carry.
''Hallo, what a the matter now 1" said &
chip whom the inebriated man had ttin
against.
"Why—hiC— why the fact is—hic-a lot
of my friends have been betting linuor on
the face to day, and they have got mc to
hold the stakes."
A raw Irishman, Just over, went into •
restaurant, and waa asked what ha would
have. "\Yhy, aomethin' to ate, ar coorse,*'
was the reply. A plate of hash wa* set be*
fore him. "Fot's that V' demanded he.—
"That's wittles," was the reply. He eyed
the compound suspiciously for some time,and
finally exclaimed : ''Bejabers; the man that
chewed that can ate it 1"
"1 haVe just met your old* acquaintance
Daly," said an Irishman to his friend, "and
was sorry to Bee he has almost shrunk away
to nothing. You are thin, and lam thin,bdt
he is thinner than both of us put together.*'
A man complaining of being turned out of •
a concert-room, said that be was fired with
indio ua, iun. "If you were fired," added a
a bystander, "perhaps that is the reason why
they 'put you out.' "
A correspondent writes to know where
axle trees grow. ff'e have seen them gfoae
Under a Wagon.
An editor out west has been elected town
constable and now arrests the attention of
his readers.
A man who was in the habit of making
pretensiohs to a personal knowledge of the
world, was asked by a sceptical friend:
' Have you been much at sea ?
"Why, no, not exactly; but my bfdthef
married a commodore's daughter."
"Were you ever abroad 1"
"No, not exactly } but rhy brother's wife's
maiden name was French'"
The Spreading Rumor.
Says Gossip One to Gossip Twos
"While shopping in the town,
Old Mrs. Pry to me remarked—
Smith BOUGHT his goods of Brown.*' ,
Says Gossip Two to Gossip Three.
Who cast her eyelids down:
"I've heard it said to day, my friend,
Smith GOT his goods from Browu,"
Says Gossip Three to Gossip four,
With sofneihing of a frown:
•'l've heard strange new*,what do you think)
Smith TOOK his goods from Brown."
Says Gossip Four to Gossip Five,
Who blazed it round the town:
''l've beefd to day auch shocking news—
Smith BToLZ his goods from Brown.''
NO. 3.