HARVEY SICKLER, Publisher. VOL. VIII. tUpming pfinotral A DcVdoeratic weekly _ -T f*per ile'oted to Poll . eire Ne"', the Arts Ck j j J ii Sciences Ac. Pub- JG It {TJT'*" J/'-L - . li.-hed every Wfednes- *. i'y, At Tunkhannock *"{ jj jjcl£§|^ Wyoming County, Pa ~J \ * V {SgB jj |& IY mV Y SICKLER Terms —1 ropy 1 year, (inJ advance) $2,00; if u : paid within six months, #2.50 will be charged NO pajier will be DISCONTINUED, until all ar rMMgesre pail; unless at the option of publisher. RATES OF ADVERTISING. TKN uses CONSTITUTE A SQUARE. Ore square oue or three insertions 81 50 Every subseqU'nt insertion less than 8 00 KKAI. ESTATE, PERSONAL PROPERTY, and GENERAL ADVERTISING, as may be agreed upon. PATENT MEDICINES and other advertisements Dy the coltftun : )ne column, 1 year, SCO Half column, 1 year - • 85 Third column, 1 year, ..-25 Fourih column, 1 year, 20 Uusim-Ks Cards e'f owe square or loss, per year with paper, SB. EDITORI AL or LOCAL ITEM advertising—with out Advertisement —15 ets. per line* Liberal terms made with permanent advertisers . EXECUTORS, ADMIXISTRAtVRS ar.d AUDI TOR'S NOTICES, of the usual length, $2,50 OBITCARrBS,-exceeding ten tin, s, each ; RELt IOUS and LITERARY NOTICES, not of goneral Cterest, oue half too regular rates. f"if Advertisements must be ban led in by TCKS DAT NOON, to insure insertion the same week. JOB IVOItk of all kinds neatly executed and at prices to Suit tie times. ill TRANSIENT ADVERTISEMENTS and JOB WORK must be paid for, when ordered Bus in ess No t ices. it R.AW ELITTLE ATTORNEYS AT li LAW Office on Tioga Street Tunkhannock Pa IT 9. COOPER, PHYSICIAN A SURGEON ll> Ncwfon Centre, Lu7.cnie County Pa. A I . FAMISH, ATTORNEY AT LAW L*n(sj . e at ibe Court House, in Tunkhanock Ww*iiiiiig Co. Pa. Fin/Sr i-1a Ir. Ai iuKNEv A! LAW of- VT tioe in Stark's Brick Block Tioga St., Tunk oiaoock, Pa. ,'TTJ Art (SL, ATTORNEY AND COUNSEL I L"R AT LAW, Nicholson, Wyoming Co-, P.* t=;eiial utteulion given to settlement of dece it!.'. • l:-UtoS \ k - a, Pa. Dec 5, 18g7 —r7n!9yl _ if J. 11 II,SOW, ATTORNEY AT LAW, Col *l. ,,nug and ileal Estate Agent, iowa 1. mls n sale. Scran.on, Pa. 38tf. T" w, NROADI, PHYSII IAN I SUROEoN Jt will attend prom; tly to all calls in his pro -,-IOD. May be Hound at his Office at the Drug > or at tiis residence ou Putiuaii Sreet, torincriy i u; led by A. K. Pcckhaui Esij. SENTISTRY. o wye v* _ —- [AT:. L T. BI'RNS bas permanently located in - * Taukha&pncfc Borough, and respectfully tenders II jrul'esjiona! services to its citiions. 'IS * an second floor, formerly occupied by Dr. • iaa. Dm it itf. PORTRAIT, LANDSCAPE, ANL> ORNAMENTAL raa.TKri"ir&. Tip Jf. 'J{CG/?l£, Artist. !Uam over the Wyoming National bank,in Ntark's Block, TUNKIIANNOCK, PA. Lif--iie Portraits painted from Ambrotypes or ta.'graphs i'botograpbs Painted in OilCilors — Ml orders for paintings executed according to or hr .r no charge made. I?' nstructions given in Drawing, Sketching, ? "iit and Landscape Painting, in Oil or water . sr. and in all branches of the art, Link.. July 31, *(j7 -vgnoO-tf. HUFFORD HOUSE. UJNKHANNOCK, WYOMING CO., PA. UHG ESTABLISHMENT HAS RECENTLY J ' cecn reiitie lan 1 turtii-heii in the late-t style. ; '•fry attention will be given to the comfort and '-lenience u! those who patronize the House. 11, IIT'FFORD. Proprietor. Tunkhannock, Pa., June 17, 1863 —v7n44. BOLTON HOUSE. 1 lAHRISHUItG, PKNNA. The undersigned having lately purchased the IUEIILER HOUSE " property, has already com- R:i. S.i such alterations and improvements as will ' ier this old and popular House equal, if not supe r. to any Hotel in the City of llarrisburg. A continuance of the public patronage is refpect ■ V ao.lcited. GEO. J. BOETON WALL'S HOTEL, LATE AMERICAN HOUSE, IT N K IF \\ NOCK, WYOMING CO., PA T*III- - iishment has recently been refitted an ' fur® in the latest style Every attention ' given to the comfort and convenience ot those ,J - patronixe the Ifoue. , T B. WALL, Owner and Proprietor'. Tuakharnock, September 11, 1861. MEANS' HOTEL. TOWANTDA. PA. . u B. BABTLET, i-eoli_ XBRAINARD Hoi SK, ELVIRA, N Y. PKOPKIETOR. Jk* MEANS HOTEL, Done of the LARGEST UK.-T ARR ANGED Houses in the country—Ji 'ted up in the most modern and improved style •- ~'J pains are spared to make it a pleasauluud J ee-mip .topoing p;ace for all, vinJlly. i : UIV CUEAP," EIUTTORM '■'OREMIAU OMPBELLS', Tunkhannock Pa. u49 tf, 1 TUNKIIA KNOCK, WYOMING CO.. PA.-WEDNESDAY, AUG. 19, 1808. flftridi's Column Spring Trade for "68 Will open ON or eboel the Ist OF May, AT TUNKHANNOCK, PENN'A. ;o;— — C. Detrick., (SUCCESSOR TO BUNNELL k BANNATVNE,) I'toposcs to establish himself permanently in trade at this place, at the Brick store house in Sam'l Stark's Block, where by fair dealing and fair prices he expects to merit and receive the public patronage. Attention is called to the following in Dry Goods 2 1 SILKS, POULINS* ALPACAS, LUSTRES, DELAINES. GINGHAM', PRINTS* SHAWLS. 1,41)1 ES' SATAUINGS, DREFS TRIMMING!#, BLEACHED AND BROWN MUSLINS, CLOTHS AND CASSIMJSRES GENTS' FURNISHING GOODS TOILET ARTICLES. NOTIONS, AC. ! — — Groceries. SUGAR, I TEA, COFFEE, | MOLASSES, RICE, SYRUP, CANDLES, SOAP, STARCH, FLOUR, FEED, SALT, RORR, BUTTER, CILEESE, DRIED BEEF, HAMS, FISH of all kindl, BEANS, AC., AC., Hardware, A FULL ASSORTMENT. Cutlery OF ALL KINDS, MEN'S AND BOYS' Ilats and Caps. Boots Sf Shoes, A FULL ASSORTMENT. This branch of business made a speciality. A lot of SEWED ARMY SHOES, A GREAT BARGAIN, SOLE LEATHER. CROCKERY. WTOM E, MOOO AND TIN IV ARE, in xreat variety- All kinds of Produce taken in exchange tor Good* The above articles will be kept in full assortment, J I mean to make the experiment of goods sold in quantites cheaper than ever before In this vtoiuhy, J I shall be bappy to see you, and yeu can depend up on finding bargains in every uepartmenl. Goods re- CfltVUll SVSRY week. Respect full v yours. j C- WSJtJCJL. | Jc^rg. THE NEW SENNACHERIB. The freedmen came boastfully down to the poll. And hispeckets were filled with the things il* had stole, And the whites of his eyes shown with terrible glee And the scents of bis presence was awful, you see- Like tho leavings of wardrolies, al earliest day. His cohorts appeared in shabby array: Like the leavings of dinner thrown out on the ground) Said cohorts at nightfall could nowhere be found. For the ribbons o< red give themselves to the bias;. And the freedmen grcv? frightened anl pa!e as the passed; Near that seductive symbol his courage was killed) And the rage of the club-room was suddenly stilled. Oh ! courage that faints at the chance of affray} Oh ! daring that dwindles and wilhers away} I Oh ! earpet-Kigs famished, and yawning for spoil— lOh ! passionate pilgrims—the thoroughly "loil." —Xew Orleans Paper i • CURE FOR CONSUMPTION. — Eat all that ! the mind requires of* the most nourishing ; food, such as fresh beef, lamh, oysters* raw egg- 1 , fruit, vegetables* and three times a day take a glass of egg-nog. made as rich as the patient can bear. Avoid all alcohol ic drinks. Bathe twice a week in water j agreeably warm, and in a warm room. Af ter bathing tub the body and limbs With i sweet oil. Exercise daily in the open air; I walking is the best. Stand erect, exercise j the arms and lungs freely; keep the mind j cheerful; take freely of the cough medicine, ; and consumption will be a stranger to your I household. For making the best cough syrup, take ; one ounce of thorugh wort, one ounce | o! flaxseed; simmer together in one quart j of water until the strength is entirely ex i tracted. Strain carefully; add one pint of \ best molasses and half a pound of loaf su gar; simmer them well together, and, when ! cold, bottle tight. It is the cheapest, best, and the safest medicine for coughs now ev ier used. A few doses of one tablespoonful at a tune will alleviate the most distiessing j cough of the lungs soothes and allays irri tation. and if continued subdues any ten dency tu consumption; breaks up entirely the w hooping cough, and no better remedy can be fund for croup, asthma, bronchitis, and ail affections of the lungs ami throat. — Thtviands of precious lives may be saved every year by this cheap and simple reme dy, as well as tiiocsands of dollars which would otherwise be spent in the purchase of nostrums, which are both useless and dangerous. JOSH BILLINGS' ANSWERS TO COB IIESPONDNTS. "BAKYACLB* —I kant tell ye exactly when the ' Getty-burg Asylum Gift Lot tery" will Jrate, but probable, like other pickpockets, the next good chance they get. ' Br.MMEit." —When I hear a man brag ging about hi* ancestors* it alwas makes j me feel bad—for the ancestors. "HILLY,"' —I'utty iz like molassis, very j good ointment, but sickish for stiddy diet. " , BENINE, m —Men who Lav a grate deal to do with losses, seem to dcmotalize fas ter than the bosses do. llosses are like dice and kards, altlio the} are virtuous enutf themselves, how natral it is to gambol with them. llosses love the society of man, and be- j ing susceptible oV grate deceit, they will : learn R mart to cheat and lie before he J knows it. J know lots folks who are real pins, and I who am hon st enuff to work up into uni ted estate assessors, and such good moral chunks left over, but when they wonie to tork ho-s, tha want as much lookin after as a case of dipthery. '•BRONX," —Club-houses are usually asy loins for hen peeked husbands and va grant bachelors. I bav been told that certain musktllat ft mails have gone into the club house biz ness lately in New York city and that tha hav had one scttin al Mr. DelmotiicoZ~e hlreadily, which ended amikable. This speaks volume- for the fitter growth and usefulness uv the order, but the grate joke of the thing is, that awl their proceedings is to be kept datk. TALMCDJC I'ROYEHH.— Even when the gates of prayer are shut in Heaven, those of tears open. When the righteoUs dies, it is the earth that loses. The lost jewel w ill always be a jewel, but the one who has lost it—well may he weep. The reward of good Words Is like dates; sweet and ripening late. To slander is to murder. Thx friend has a friend, and thy friend's friend has a friend- be discreet* The camel wanted to have horns, and they took away his ears. Descend a step in choosing a wife, arid mount a stop in choosing a friend. If there is anything bad about you, say it yourself. One eats; another says grace. He who is ashamed will not easily com mit sin. It is a good sign in man to be capable of being ashamed. IMPUDENT QUESTION. —To ask a mer chant if he has ever cheated a customer. To ask a doctor how many persons he has killed. To ask a lawyer if he ever told a lie. To ask a subscriber if he has paid the printer. To ask an editor the name of any of his correspondents. To ask a young lady if she would like a beau. To ask a iuan to lend you his pocket book. " To Speak his Thoughts is Every Freeman's Right. " JIM WOLFE AND THE TOM GATS NY MA lift TWAIN I knew by thfe sympathetic gtoW Upon his bald head—l kuew by the thoughtful look upon his face—l kneW by the emo tional flush upon the strawberry on the end of the old free liver's, nose, that Bi llion Wheeler's memory wits bu*y With the oi len time. And so I prepared to leave, because all these were symptoms ot a reminiscence—signs that he was going to be delivered of another of his tiresome personal experiences - but 1 was too slow ; he tzt the start 'if me. As near as 1 can rceolleCt* the infliction was couched in the following language : We was all boys, then, and I didn't Care for nothing only how to shirk school, and keep up a revivin 1 state of devilment all the time. This yar Jim Wolfe I w-as talking about, was the 'prentice, and he was the best hearted feller, he was, and the most forgivin' and onselflsh, I ever see —well, there Couldn't be a more bulli fier boy that what he was, take him how \ou would ; and sorry enough 1 was when 1 see him for the last time. "Mo and llcnry was always pestering him and plastering boss bibs on his back and putting bumble-bees in his bed, asid so on, and sometimes crawl in and bunk with him, notwithstanding his growl ing, and then we'd let on like we was trad and fight across him, an'stir him up like. He was nineteen, he was, and long, and lmk, and bashful, and we was fifteen and sixteen* and tolerable laiy and worthless. " So that nioht, you know* that my sis ter Mary give the candy pullin' they start ed us off to bed early, so as the Company could have full swing, and we rung on Jim to have some fun. " Our window looked out onto the ell. and about ten o'clock a couple of obi torn cats got to rarin' and chargin' around on it, and catryin' on like sin. There was four inches of snow on the roof, and it was froze so that there was a right smart crust of ice on it, and the moon was shintn bright, and we could see the cats like day light. First, they'd stand oft' and e-yow e-yow, just the same as if they were cus sin' one another you know, and how up their backs and lush up their tails* and swell round and spit, ami then, of a sud den, the grey cat he'd snatch a handful of fur off the yallar cat's ham, and spin him around like a button on a barn door.— But the yallar cat Was game and he'd come and clinch, and the way they'd gouge, and bite and howl, and the way 111 v il make the fur fty war powerful. " Well, Jim he got disgusted with the, row, aiid 'iowed he'd climb out atid sbake 'cm off'n that roof. He hadn't reely no notion of doin' it, likely, but we everlast ingly dogged him and bullyragged him, and 'lowed he always biaggod how he wouldn't lake a dare* and so on, till bitne by he hLted up the winder, and lo and behold vou, be went —just as be was— uothin' on but a shirt, and it was short. — Yon ought to have seen bim a creeping over that ice* and diggin' in his toe nails and rttiger nails in for to keep him from slippin' * and above all* you ought to a seen that shirt a fb'ppin' in the wind, and theia long rediklous shanks of bis'ti a glisteniu' in the moonlight. " Them comp'ny folks was down there under the eaves* the hull squad of'em under that ornery shed ot dead Washing ton Bower vines—all scttin' round about two dozen sassers of hot candy, which they sot in the snow to cool. And there was a laugbin' and talkiu' lively : but bless you, thev didn't know notbin' about the panarama that was goin' on over lheir heads. Well, Jim he went a suenkin' and a sneaking up, onbeknonst to them turn cats —they was a swishin' their tails, and \ow yowing and threteuin' to clinch, you know, aud not payin' any attention* he Went a sneakm' and a sneakm right up to the comb of the roof, till lie was in u foot and a half of 'em, and then a!i of a sudden lie made a grab fur the yallar cat! Jlut bv g 'sb, he missed lire and slipped holt, an' his heels flew up an' he flopped onto to his back, and off'n that roof like a dart! went a snoashin' nnd a crashin' down like a yarth quake in tliein two doz en sassers of red hot candy, and let off a howl that was hark from the tomb! Them girls—well they left, you know. Thev see be waru't dressed for company, and so they left. All done in a second; it was just one little war whoop, and a swbh of their dresses, and blame the wench of them was in s ght anywhere. "Jim be was in sight ! lie was gorm ed with the billin' hot molasses Candy eh-an down to his heels, and had mere busied sassers hangin' to him than it be was n Japanese Princess —and he catne a prancin' and every jump lie give he'd shed cliii a, and every i-quirm he fetched he dripped sonic candy. " And blistered! Why, bless your soul, that poor soul couldn't reely set dowu comfortably fot as much as four weeks. gs?" The art of a great writer is seen in the perfect fitness of his expressions. He knows how to blend vividness with vagueness, knows where images are need ed, and where by their vivacity they would be obstacles to the rapid apprecia tion of his thought. The Pacific Ocean covers seven ty-eight millions of miles'; the Atlantic twenty-five millions. Society, like a shaded silk muri be viewed to all situations, or its colors will deceive us. PREPARING FOR A WAR OF RACES The desperate ail venturers Who have been admitted as Representatives of the Southern States in Congress, are likely to produce uo little trouble. They are reckle-s to an extent that is truly alarm ing, and have boldly taken the initiative in Measures of a revolutionary character. Not only do they demand the immediate impeachment and removal of the Presi dent, hut they have united in an effort to arm the, negroes of the South, With the avowed purposfe of maintaining the supre macy of the black over the white rado bv force of arms. On Thursday a most ex citing debate on this subject took place in the House, and the discussion was stleh as to alarm even Washhurne and other Radicals. During its continuance an out spoken follow, Deweflae, of North Caroli na admitted that the negro government could not be sustained a month except by bayonets, and the other adventurers froth the South coincided with him in that be lief. Only one voice from the Southern States was raised against the infamous proposition, of trausferribg United States aims to the hands of negroes, and the des perate white men who are anxious to in augurate a war of races with all its at tendant horrors. Mr. Boyden, of North Carolina, a strong Union man was the only a-Jvocate of moderation from that section. lie said: '• Mr. Speaker, 1 am alarmed at the con dition of the country. It is proposed to send arms to North Carolina, that the people may use them against each other. Great God ! We cannot afford to fight each other. Keep away your arms ! Do nothing to irritate our people, but do everything in your power to assuage and heal the excitement there. We want no arms. I warn the House that if arms are sent there we will be ruined ; we cannot live there. If we need anything in the way of arms, in God's name send an army of the United States there, but do not arm neighbor against neighbor. There never was a more mischievous measure than this proposition to arm one class of our peo ple against another." Washburne, of Illinois, was alarmed at the temper which the Southern adventu rers exhibited. He saw how much the chances of Grant we re likely to be dam aged by the recklessness of these desper ate men, and appeared to deplore the course which was being pursued without having the power to cheek it. He urged his party friends to act with moderation and said ; I tell f/entlemcn to beware before they pass thin measure lest it is not an invitation to isvil War and insurrection in those States. The Southern revolutionists tiny not he able to inaugurate the contemplated war of races before the Presidential election, but that it will inevitably come unless tho peo ple o( the North defeat the Radicals this fall none ean doubt. Let the people renti-m 1 her, when they go to the polls, that the only hope of restoring peace and prosperi ty to the country is through the triumph of the Democratic party. TNS GREAT RULE OP CONDUCT. —The rule of conduct followed by Lord Erskine —a man of sterling independence of prin ciple and scrupulous adherents to truth is worthy of being engraven on every young man's heart. "Itw as a first com mand and counsel of my earliest youth, " he said, '• always to do what ttlv conscience told me to he a duty, and to leave the consequence t®God. I shall carry with me the memory, and, I trust* the practice, of this parental lesson, to the j grave 1 have hitherto followed it, and I have no reason to Complain that mv obedience to it has been a temporal sacrifice* I have found it, on the contrary, the road to pros perity and wealth* and I slilill point out the same path to lily children for their pursuit." And there can he no doubt, after all* the only safe rule of conduct is to follow impiicity the guidance of an en lightened conscience. SAY NO ! Arc you solicited to engage in anv pursuits or to enter into any en gagements which your conscience reject or which you forsce will bring a cloud on your prospects of honor and usefulness i— " ThoU shalt say, No." Are you press ed to grant favors or indulgences to per sons who h£.Ye no right to ask them, or who Can only be injured by them —favors or indulgences, too, that you are not in a Condition to bestow, consistently with your other engagements ? " Thou shalt say. No." Are you importuned to join in any amusements, to consent to any measures which vou believe will sully the purity of your character or lessen ti.e weight of vonr good influence, or in any Way exert a mischievous effect on society ? " Thou shalt say, No." Let tho Conse quences, he what they may. "Thou shttlt say, No." A* AGREEMENT.— Major Bradfoid and I*. 11. Hamlin, of this place, have entered into a singular covenant, which they claim is a bone fide arrangement. The agree ment is this; If Grant is elected, Hamlin is to wheel a barrel of flour from Great Bend to Chicago, and if Grant is defeated, the Major is lo wheel a barrel of flour from Maine to California, he giving Ham lin the odds of distance between Great Bend and Maine, and Chicago and Cali fornia. A heavy forfeit is included in the bargain.— Northern Pennsylvanian, £.& " Let us have peace, " says Gener al Grant. Furnish the niggers of the Bofltli With arms to bring on an exterminating war upon the whites, say his mongrel friends IU Congress. ANOTHER WAR. •Ttlsl at this time the mongrel papcre are busy In trying to induce the people to be- LH-ve that should SKVMOIR and BLAIH be successful; which they will that our coun try will be cursed With Another war. Now in nil earnestness we want to know who will be responsible for it ? If the Democ racy succeed they will not for they Will have control of the reißs of government; and if a war is inaugurated it will have to be started by the mongrels, who are very willing to behevte would favor such a course if ihev thought by doing so they could re main in place and power to cheat and rob, nnd oppress the people. As to these thfeatnings they simply show the extremity to which that party is driven. They have prayed, pleaded and coaxed of the masses, to come tip to the support of theilr candidates And now wl en they And that their is no inducement they can hold out* sufficient to secure the endorsement of the people-—they attempt to trighten them into measures by crying war ! war ! If mongrelUm wants another war let it ''tire ahead." Let it go on in its infamous Course, and let its robbers and cowards whom it has gathered into brigades under the title of the Gtaiid At my of the Repub lic, to steal chickens and frighten helpless old worn in* but show a sign of war and in less than ten days there will he fewer mon grel voters in this country, than there are christians in perdition. The people are in no mood to be trifled Willi—they are not feeling as if they are going to give up every right to which they are entitled, because a lot of cowards and cut throats, say wc will tight if you don't help us to succeed. No sirs \ Go on with your threats. Arm your hummers and deserters and niggers, and mxishil year hosts to battle, and you will find that you will be blotted from ex istence quicker tban one of your roost rob bers can wring the neck of a spring pullet. —Bdltfonle Wutokmnn. CONCEIT —Hardly anything is more con temptible tban the conceit which rests merely upon social position —the conceit of those who imagine that thus they are di vorced from the clay of common men, of those who shrink with horror from the idea of Work, as something which degrades by its very contact, and yet who. v*.ry likely, owe their present position to some not re mote ancestor* who recognizing his call to work, lived more honestly in the world than they do and was not ashamed ot soiled thumtis. It is one of the meanest thing:* for people to he ashamed of the work from which they draw their income, and, which glorified their ancestors more with their soiled aprons and black gowns, than them selves with their fine ribbons and flash jew elry. It might be a fine thing to he like the lillies, more gloriously clothed than Solomon, and doing nothing, if we were only lillies. Advantageous positions is only a more emphatic Call to work; and while those who hold ttie advantage may not be compelled to manual drudgery, they should recognize the fact that manual drudgery may he performed in the same spirit as that which characterizes their own work, and therefore that it is equally honorable. Rev. Dr. Chtyin. Is HE RICH ?—Many a sigh is heaved* many a heart is broken* many a life is ren dered miserable, by the terlihle infatuation which many parent often manifest in choos ing a life-companion for their daughters. How is it possible for happiness to result from the Union of two principles diametri cally opposed to each other in every point, as virtue .s to vice ? And yet, how often is wealth considered a better recommenda tion for young men than virtue. How often is the first which is asked respecting the suitor of a daughter, this: "Is he rich ? ' Yes, he abounds in wealth; but does that afford any evidence that he will make a kind and affectionate husband ? "Is he rich?" Yes, his clothing is purple and fine linen, and he fares sumptuously eVery day* but ean VOU infer from this that he is virtuous ? "Is he rich ?" Yes, lit he has thousands floating on every ocean; hut do not riches sometimes "take to themselves wings and fly away ?" And will you consent that your daughter shall marry a man who has nothing to recommend him but his wealth ? Ah, beware ! The gilded bait sometimes covers a beatded liook. Ask not, then, "is he rich ?" but "is he virtuous ? ' Ask not if he lias wealth, but has he honor! and do not sacrifice your daughters peace for mon ey* t£' A few' nights ago. Mr. Bodkin, who had been out taking a glass and pipe, oil going home late, borrowed an umbrella, ahd When his wife's tongue was loosened, he sat up in bed and suddenly spread out the parachute. "What are you to do with that thing?" said she. "Why, my clear, I expected a severe storm to-night, and came prepared " In less than twenty minutes Airs* Bodkin was asleep* CfT Mrs. Oakes Smith is out In advance of the wontan reformers. In a letter to the Journal of JleaWt she says; "I stand to the point* and nail my colors to the mast in defence of it—that it is right proper and delicate for woman to choose her husband; and the man thus distinguished by her choice \Vill feel hioiself ennobled and sanctified." "Sanctified," that is the word.—This is leap year. Let the woman commence the sanctilicatiou at ODCe. Why is a watcr-lillv like a tvhale ? Answer.—They both couio to the sUrfaCe to blow. TERMS, $2.00 Per. ANNUM, in Advance Pisf antt Ink has been called the black Slate that waits upon thought. ✓ • What is the difference between a hill and a pill 1 One's hard to get op and the Uthari hard to get doWo. If a burned child dreads the fire, why does St person who has been singed by Cupid'a t >rch so often have a lingering regard for tha old tlame ? PKUFE' T BLISS. —The young Chinese Irn peror, twelve years old, rej aides in the celes tial title of "llis High Prosperity." His im perial father was,"Perfect Bliss. NOT IGNORANT,—'"I atn surprised, wife, at your ignorance," said a pompous fellow.— "Have j'ou never seen any books at a'l V "Oh, yes." she replied, N A M'MJJEK OR KICKS." NOTHING TO WEAK. — Woman who cotn> plain that they have nothing to wear should go into the ballet business. If their com plaint is true, thty Will be ready to take tho first steps. There is something exquisite in the Yan kee's reply to the European traveler ; whn asked if he had just crossed the Alps, he replied : "Wall, now you call my attention to the fact, I guess I did pass a little rtsiu' ground. THE DUMKER'S BEI.T.—A country paper claims the champion duuner's belt for a geu tlemanjof the town in which it is published, who dunned a man on his knees in churchy and compelled payment before he would al low him to resume his prayer-. PRETTY HEAVY, CONSIDERINU. —S topping at a village inn, there came a thunder storm and Captain Hill, surprised that a new coun* try should haVe reached such a perfection in these metereologic manufactures, said to a '• Why, you have vety heavy thunder here." "Well, yes, replied the man, "we do, con sidering the number of inhabitant*." An individual at the races was staggering about the course with more liquor than he could carry. ''Hallo, what a the matter now 1" said & chip whom the inebriated man had ttin against. "Why—hiC— why the fact is—hic-a lot of my friends have been betting linuor on the face to day, and they have got mc to hold the stakes." A raw Irishman, Just over, went into • restaurant, and waa asked what ha would have. "\Yhy, aomethin' to ate, ar coorse,*' was the reply. A plate of hash wa* set be* fore him. "Fot's that V' demanded he.— "That's wittles," was the reply. He eyed the compound suspiciously for some time,and finally exclaimed : ''Bejabers; the man that chewed that can ate it 1" "1 haVe just met your old* acquaintance Daly," said an Irishman to his friend, "and was sorry to Bee he has almost shrunk away to nothing. You are thin, and lam thin,bdt he is thinner than both of us put together.*' A man complaining of being turned out of • a concert-room, said that be was fired with indio ua, iun. "If you were fired," added a a bystander, "perhaps that is the reason why they 'put you out.' " A correspondent writes to know where axle trees grow. ff'e have seen them gfoae Under a Wagon. An editor out west has been elected town constable and now arrests the attention of his readers. A man who was in the habit of making pretensiohs to a personal knowledge of the world, was asked by a sceptical friend: ' Have you been much at sea ? "Why, no, not exactly; but my bfdthef married a commodore's daughter." "Were you ever abroad 1" "No, not exactly } but rhy brother's wife's maiden name was French'" The Spreading Rumor. Says Gossip One to Gossip Twos "While shopping in the town, Old Mrs. Pry to me remarked— Smith BOUGHT his goods of Brown.*' , Says Gossip Two to Gossip Three. Who cast her eyelids down: "I've heard it said to day, my friend, Smith GOT his goods from Browu," Says Gossip Three to Gossip four, With sofneihing of a frown: •'l've heard strange new*,what do you think) Smith TOOK his goods from Brown." Says Gossip Four to Gossip Five, Who blazed it round the town: ''l've beefd to day auch shocking news— Smith BToLZ his goods from Brown.'' NO. 3.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers