fire Tioga flouuTy ~&gllkfsrr^
By M. H. COBB. . I
Published every Wednesday morning and m« il( a to
nhscriberr at ON® DOLLAB AND FIFTY .OBUXS
!“r year, always ™ ADVANCE.' J ' ' -;** •
f Ito piper i» sent postage free to coanty itibSeri-*
bors, though they may receive their mail atposiofficai
jjoj’tei in counties Immediately adjoining, folloave-
Agitato a is tUo Official paper of TitnaCo.,
an d circulate' in'every neighborhood' therein; flub—
scnptions being on the advance pay system, it circu
ities among a close most to the interest of advertisers
, 0 reach. Terms tu advertisers as Liberal as these nf
[erl d by any paper of equal circulation in Stfnpifu
Pennsylvania. ' ft
j - a cross on the margin of a paper, sent let
thsttbe subscriptionis about To expire.
Papers will be stopped when the sabed rint ,on
time expires, unless the ngcnf orders their ccnffiu--
snce.. ..I j 1-
JA S. tOWBEI dc S. F. WILSOIL
i TtOBNETS h COUNSELLORS att LAW,
Jj. trill attend the. Courts of Tioga, Potter and
McKean iSblhrties.— - -[Wellshoto.ijah, 1., JBCS.]
JOBH I. MITCIIEtL. ;■
Attorney I'nd ‘ couNsstior ar-£aw.,
Tioga Village, Tioga County, Penn’a.; ?
Prompt' attention to-Collections. • i ; p £
March 1. ISfifl.-ly.
ft WIIiES,: :
ATTORNEY & COUNSELLOR AT~L‘ji K '
Wellsbprh, Tioga Fa-, , f
Having been speciallylicensed by-the United!" tales
for the Prosecution of Claims for Pensions,^j*Sack
attdation 4 Gaff
tallness.' ' J- B. NIJ
Weilsboro, Feb. '
pfiNNSYLTAIfIA HOUSE,
: cO B!fSR-oK she AVAi-pE,
Wellsboro, Pa. * " ’ •<* , r
j AV. BIGONY, Proprietor.
THIS popular Hofei, Having been;refitted
and re-furnished throughout, is now,open to the
pttMic'ova fii'et-ehjs hopse. . ; [Jn.n.,l,~l^S.]
D. HART’S HOTEL.
WELLSBORO, TIOOn-CO. RENi-hb. ■,
THE subscriber't'a'kee.lbia method to infirm
bit old friends and customers that be bits re
amed the condaat -of -the -eldCrystal Fountain
EFotei,'” end will hereafter give it his entire attention.
Thankful fer post favor*, he solicits a renewawf the
swoe . DAVID HAjftT.
Wellsboro, Nov. 4, 1863.-ly. - ~ '
IZAAK WALTON HOUSE,; t
Gaines, Tioga County, Pa. / I -
H. C. VE RMI LYE A,i........... [Proprietor.
THIS 1b a new hotel looatad-within easy ac
cess of the he'll Belling and hunting grounds -In
Northern Pennsylvania.’' No pains willjonspatfd for
the accommodation of pleasure seekers and*th» Jrav
ellingpublio. • [Jan. 1, Id ii.] ;
■ l‘. FOIBI, __
Watches, Clocks, Jewelrv, &c„ tc.,
REPAIRED rAT OLD PRICES. ~
POST OFFICE BDItOIISG,
' NO: 5, UNfON _BLf>CK r ./
Wellsboro, May 20, 1863. ' '/ '
H. W.'WU.MAi'*; ' ' ’ ■■»». HL bMiTn.
WILLIAMS Sc, SMITH,
ATTORNEYS'AND "COVASELOJIS AT-L’a W,
BOUNTY &.PK9HOH AGENCY.
' Main Straet. Well»boro, Pa. , *
JanuarylB6s-ly, ;
S. F. SBAIBLIS,
BARBER & HAIR-DRESSER f
Shop £s*s Cj Stobb-.V ■
Wellsboro, Deo V, 1861., ' ■
WESTERN JEXCBAHOF
k*g&YILLE. PA v . ,
THE undersigned having leased the above Hotel
for a term'of years would .respectfully ; inform
the traveling public that be bus pdf’ tbe Hotel.in first
class order for tbe reception of guests and no .pains
will be scared in the'accommodation ef travelers and
as far as the' situation will-allod.-he -will kemixH first
class Hotel, in all things, except piices, will
be modetate. Please try ns and judge for yon Selves.
Knoirille. oet.l9,nB#4i--l£i - J. H. MAH [IN- i
HEVEKCE STA3I PS. 7 -
JOHN M. PHELPS, Deputy Collector ft)f« Mans
field, has just received a large lot of , E avenue
Slams, of all denominations, frpm one cent u>to ffi.
Act person wishing Stanps cap get them at, oape
in Mansfield, or of M. B DLLABD, Assistanti «d*sor,
at Wellshoro, Pa.;, . , -- _ . ,J- M..PHIPPS.
/ Mansfield, 'May 2,186 f - ‘ J f \
P. I»EWfiIiL,J!E!«TIST j.-. . j
MANSFIELD, TIOGA CUUIFPT^A.',
IS prepared- ,all t\a in
the yarioua jiepartmettta of filling, extracting, m
genicg artificial clentureV Ac. *
Mansfield, August 10, 18M-ly,
weli^boro7 c^Bs9P!|^ j
(Corner and the Aeenie.7 ,
*■' *■ "WAttBBOBO, /Pi/. A/ ’
B. B, HOLlDAylPropriafprf
One sf the most popqlar, Hooats m,tW coanty-.
This Hotel is the principal Stage-house in W IHsboro.
Stages leave'daily aa followsi ;' _. - -■ , '
For Tioga, at 9a. m.; For Troy, at' B i. 11-J :For
Jersey Shore every Tuesday and P- m..
For Condersport, every Monday and at 2
Stages Arrive—From Tioga, at 12 J-2 .o ctoA
p. m. ; From Trby.at’6 -o'clock p. m.: Frotg_der;ey
Shore,-Tuesday and Friday Jl,a. m. :;FrtutCouders
porh Monday and Thursday Xl.a-m- '
T.-R.—Jimmy -Cowd'an, vha - well-khp«n hostler,
trill is found;on hand,
Wellsboro, Oct. 5, 1864-Iff. jfe.
HUGH YQIIK^
BOOKSELLER & STATItSEB,
i)(.B DBA IB* ,IN*
American Clicks, American, English, £td Bwies
.Watches, Jewelry, Silrer Plated Ware, Shades,
Picture Frames, Photographic Albums;;S£e scopes,
Microscopes, Perfumery, Yankee Notions * r.isbing
■T-eek-U and.Elies,,and Fancy and Toilet AUues*
BODIES of every Irtpd * in the
County, constantly on hand and sentry fhi u orp.tn
ertrige,-to orders ' 'V.
NO. 6, ONION BLOCK, WELLSBOfQ PA.,
FOE.SALEI— HOUSE i. LOT on ML fa Street,
adjoining'“Wright * Baiiey’s'Store. •,# acres ul
laud in Delmor, between-John -Gray and fl* jrncK..
House and Lot on Corincrton Street, c ■*':
For terms, apply to HENRY SHERWOOD, Esq.
W’ellebnro, May_3l, 186^—tf.
Flour and feßd/buck: wheai; flour.
Meal/Pork and SaU,Tea, Coffee, St jrtcf, Soap,
Candles, Saleratofi, Tpbacoo-and KwfcenoXH. c ;
Aieo, Mackerel. White Pish, and Trot f, by the
package or 0
Wclltboio, Jnne SB, 1866. ' -
PROTECTIVE WAR -CLAIM AND REHSION
AGENCY OF THE U. 8. SANITARY COM
MISSION.—AII the papers and correspondence re
quired to procure Tensions, Bounty, sod Back. Pay,
and Prize. Money for discharged SOLDIERS and
SAILORS, and for the -RELATIVES of BoldiorS,ai)d
Sailors doing Sn the service of the United States,
prepared and forwarded, and the proceeds of all
ci«ims, when collected, remitted to the parties FREE
OF CHARGE.
Office XSO7 Chestnut Street. Philadelphia.
Or fur farther information or aasistance.-apply to
Locr Mouiie Hotchkiss, WcUsboro,'.
S. E. llorblS, MansfieM' ■'
Associate Managers for Tioga Comity.
PURE OINGBR at
■ • . ROyS- OXOG STORE.
THE AGITATOR.
Yoii.ni.
RICHMOND HAS FALLEN 1
I DRT GOODS
LEE SDRBENDERED, AND WE
HAVE. SURRENDERED THE EXT- |
" TEME HIGH PRICES OF ; ;
... GOODS.
THE PEOPLE’S STORE,;
is now receiving Additions to their stock of
GOODS, BOUGHT DURING THE /L&TE
, DEPRESSION IN ‘ PRICES,; •
■- * : «r
and they will t>e!solff at v “
We have made arrange menta ta-get :Gooda every
"week, and as wfe keep posted‘ic regard-to
the Veto Tort" jfaffat, we shall at;
* * - -all time* make tbe stock on
hand conform to ~ ; . , :
. "new prices, - * < .
‘ * i,:: u i-i -
and we wish- it distinctly understood, that however
‘*.Nk • ‘much'Othersmay blow, .
WE HO NOT INTEND‘ TO "BE UNDERSOLD
quality of goods considered.' .It shall, he onr.ainrfo
keep constantly ’onhand'agood-Stockzof.
.such goods asHhe community c •
require, and, .
SUCH ARTICLES AS WILL -GIVE SATIBFAC-
onder which our business bos constantly increased
for the last ten years will be adhered to, < "
as'also the ’ *
,< ■- I.
more recently adopted. Don't buy until. -•
TOU HAVE EXAMINED OUR: STOCK AND.
- j.IT ■ ' ‘ ;
STORE DIRECTLY OPPOSITE. THE DICKIN^
rfhd hrst.door east of Hutogerford’s Bank. =
-SMITH & WAITE,
Corning, N. Yv May 17, 18G5,
THE BIG FIGHT , having been closed up
Messrs. Grant, Sherman Co.,. „ .
>' i; i iCE.tj.y i>S= ;- J
have volunteered -for a war-nf extermination against ■
high Prices, and will be found entrenched
bagETpile of r, ~ ivr. 'iV,k :;Tii v .
--NEWtAND CHE>.E*.(3OODS. - i
» us;-, j_
at the old OSGOOD STAND, where thclroornmnnW.
tiona'witb'NbvrvTork bantiot'be Inlwhipipd. j
■They bare just received a good stock of ( |
mfmmm s m&M ODS '
such at Ptln» t BelainM ( Baregee, Hosiery,
Notions, Boots and Shoes, etc.7in'fact erisryfhfng in
the Dry Qs°dBHne.may>io found ap.our counters/
and inttcfiised ■*» .pftceA to ihe lifte,
HEAVY-FALL IN GOODS.- ‘: ;
;i ci i. . j* ~ a . ':t ■ ~ , '
We also invite purchasers to examine our See
stockofi-- . ir •
» GROCERIES
Can't be beat this side of New if of k.
■Remember the place. " Osgood's Corner.” , 0 e ”
.... V. .. .KELDtA PDRyig.
Wellsboro, Apr, 22, 1865-ly. !
: i\ ,■
WATOHBS-CLO
PEATEDf-WARE.—
«Call at No.'S;-Untoitv,Block, if jou.-waot a good ,
WATCH* where sod wiluSnd a goodjjisortment of,-,
- - ’ ■' (, v - ‘
■— -Jr Z
*•>.' 3C keep on tsucUE, movement in
heavy Silver Caeca, which* no equal. I
respectfully refePifo'vM; 3< Cobh*d»t n r Agita
* tor, and Wni. Bache*/ National
"Bank of Wollsboro. :
Also, the W. EUery, Bartlett, Appleton,-Tracy &
Co., all are good Watches. - .
-Dinner dad Breakfast Castors, Dike ’Blskets, Spoon
Holders, Napkin Rings, Forks, Table and Tea-Spoons,
Ac., Ac., Ac. *
India Rubber Chains; Bings, and Gold, rMounted
Pencils. * - - '• ' - t*
, . _ -s-.o s
A good - assortment of "CLOCKS constantly, pn
hand. ’ • * c * t,>
All of which .will be sold as low as they can he bought
anywhere.
REPAIRING PONE ON SHORT NOTICE. , ,
yard—milkmaids on stools-r-geese on thexam
pige—calves nn the hill-side—son at your
WALTER k: WOOD’S PRIZE MOWER.—The back —none too cool—none too warm—a breeze
Wood Mower has been In general nee for the takes the cheek—a color takes the phiz—a light
past five years. It embraces aU the qualities neoes- takes tllß . e , HO Bließps eyes ) t h u horses take
sary to make a perfect Mower. It recommends itself • . J , K r J . 7 r s\, •
to every farmer for the simplicity of- its construction. ! the bit, and vre take our cigura, (On no, the
It is proved to be the lightest draft. It takes the | ladies dun*t-object,* they rather* like tobacco
preference for durability,easy management, and good j smoke) four miles an hour—pleasant velocity-^-*
l"rs—iwce s*lls ddlvered"n°thl^cars n st Corning° a 'i f od colloquial opportunities-easy springs on-
EDGAR HILL, Agent, Corning, N.-Y. , i der us, which take the • stomach ache’ out ol
May _ the rough -places—narrow Beats and no crino-
WeUeboro. Apg. SO, 1865-tf.
EEKOSINK LAMPS *t - liae-.‘eveTJ_aH n gi*lovely and'-^erene-fara.
90^8pR0G SXOEB.: WW7 °*
SetjoteQ to tfyt of tljr area of jFr«som atiD tfcc SjjreaH of Reform
WHILE THEBE SHALL EE A WRONG UNSIGHTED, AND UNTIL ‘‘MAN'S INHUMANITY TO MAN” SHALL CEASE, AGITATION MUST CONTINUE.
4' Anifio bfts ti;e price of
Bayard Taylor baa written' his travels, and
Port Crayon and Bamom have written theirs ;
so why shouldn't wo write ours ? whj> kpows,
but we;- tup, may' become famous tj But . the'
first-thing to know, of. course, is the names of
the travelers ; they, ate welt known,—
please cal) them ; Smith, Brown, and Muggins-;
Smith, -Browth-and Muggins took a notion.—,
They said they • would , spend an; indefinite
period a tub, as mooli moneys—regardless of ex
pense—and-'travel; fish,.hunt, boat and play
boy promiscuously. And they did ; but mind
yon/not alone, —'twouldil’t have been congen.-
itif if they bad, ’no how/ .A certain amount
Of-marketablecalico is always .essential to the
success of the' best 4aid .schemes of. mice and
men, and'then, they gang a glee— ; , ,
n "If yoirwill not attribute it- all to’.a foggy ref
metobrance, I will state for- the uninformed;
tßjit /Wellsboro is the- county seat of Tioga
"County/and' erroneously supposed to.• be the
seat of a great deal of attraction; and perhaps
_if is, but it (the attraction) is-trahaferable and
changes its base ; and in- this nota
ble insfa nee, it migrated towards Putter Coun-
Ty Pine Creek’is bom in'Putter .County;
thkes its rise and cuts off a respectable western
'slide, of Tioga County, and buries - itself de
cently "Inf the Snsquebanoay-a cannon , shi t
'ubb've~<ferBky Shore.- So ntueh -for outline ge
ography. It may be well enough to state here
that this excursion was undertaken as much
'for " fun, (idventure, incident,- good-obeer.rgood
morals, tnusio and missionary ‘labor,-aas'.it
‘was.ftJ.purpiitee of national history, oouven-
M'mal etiquette, gaatronomioal starvation . and
The chances of sudden deuth hy accident,—per
haps more,'but my memory is ‘not reliable on
that point.' 1 know' this however; anew sen
sation 5T some sort was heeded; the'restraint
of business sat like a'straitjacket;. ear ca
daverous corporatiop would hardly cast a shad
ow, and "green and-yellow'melancholy' .was
becoming 'apoplectic -on my damsskt- cheek ;
and if I’d had a white horse and spunk enoogh
to ride him, Milton's ‘death on the pale horse,’
would have been slicing reality.;-i so the re
solve to throw off this- opiumi'e lassitude was
(allowed sH-kit, by a pair of living nags and a
three-seated democrat (no allusion-to politics),
and the bird’thnt cStcbe.vfho early worm; saw
us making tracks' for —-any plo££;whcrc we
could unbosom" ouf~vests*and take our suspend
;Vrk.off. ’ " J ' 1 ’ 1 y ..I; I : ,I;, -
*, y/bw'jsiftnC.peopJo ihay turn up their.etherial'
nose's; and say'’fishing is ‘So very’ improper,’
ungeßna. - --- „ t ,j| ;
etc., &c.,‘ Well now my good people, let me
say, you are entirely '* aUCked in,’ to .use a
JiuetiouT 'expression:" Nothing can be-more'
pVopor or discreet,—and I will prove it. = If,
j-t.ii are religously inclined, you will remem
ber what Peter was doing when 'out Bold • call
"etThimi ‘ Four of the twelve apostles wer&meri
! o( very ‘ taking ways,’—conning with tbe iine
| and, honk. King.ilavid says too; “ They that
.ftccupy, themselves in'deep'watefe,' see the won
derful ivh’rks of' God.”'- HCmust have seen a,
'good many mefmaidti; TTupptaee -, but not as
/many us his wise son Solomon did,- wha giv«a
us .his experience in such metaphors’as hfs'
former affections 'and-practices ’had- inclined
him' tot 1 And by divine'appointment he wrote
‘ that spiritual'dialogue; or- holy emdrousdoVe
song, the “ Canticlesin which'-ha says,;
“bis beloved hucT eyetflike the fishpools of
ries'hboh.”' Ahd if thut staodS to Teasbn, and
T .fieiieve it does, then- vie mhy : probably ■ con
clude'that the meek Moses and the bumble pro
phet Amos, were buth iit times-occupied •Mike
some' sedObtary frog ’' because ■ fish hooks are
only, twn:e ! mehtioried in the “ Old Testament
and everybody, knows that Muses took:a'fiah-.
ing excursion the first'firing after he was born,
with PburoaVa daughter, down o'fi the Nila.—
Jonuti was some in this line too; hut he didn’t
■pay much attentiemTo 1 small fry be ’went
in,lemons,’ even at the'risk of coming out
squeezed it took him three days' tb 'Bring one
whale ‘ tohis stomach,'—the toughest Customer'
bf,' hut he brcmghfhim up.—
Good for • Mark "Antony and,’ Oleopa
tru, and that in~the midst ufe theit-wonderful
glory/ uaell lo'fish sotne. ;Bg't she generally,
jiad the best luck. William" Stihkespear or
bays, shgionoe caught
a salt fish id freeh water. Anglingfsan appro
niulftftjjd gious reoreatiup for clergyman. “It
is an* employmcut fnr idle- time, a vest'- to the
mind, a cbcejrer of ,the spirits, a diverter.- of
sadness, a calmer of'unquiet thoughts, a mod-
j papeiops.'.'a-'propurer-yrf contented-’
nessl Begetting habits of great' patience and
peace of mind.” And let me tell you that in
the Scripture, fishing is always’ taken- in :tl»e
beat.sense ; s which Ido rather believe. It is
fitf6r the obntcmplttfion4J the ipgst prudent,]
and pious,, and peaceable of men—and the soft ■
sos'tW/Jdodkir the at Cur nob, balm of Gilead 1
for .the gizzard, and altogether lovely laf 'H ,
sweet disposition therefore dbn’the-ashamed
to oultiviuo 'h ■fiatural teete Tor piscatorial: ex-"
ercise, even thongh-y«n -should --.sometimes he
r- J ,■ . “yourself takoniu.’ '' ■.
JC ? a -Fiom : Wfllsboro, west Ward; hob over This"
" "hllia nnu tliraugit the valleys, lies the-road, to
lire life Creek'' trout -fiaheriCe.-' "IXSit know
anything abnptJtJ. You ought to knowi Aliof
life is unknown to you till you do"; but descrip
! ti jb fails me—language fails entirely to come
to time; My advice to all is; go and do like
wise.. The early morning air—dew ’on the
grass-7-birds ,in the trees —cows in the barn-
SHE LOWEST MARKET RATES.- , -
HEGAEDEESg OF COST,
BY L
lION.TO THE CONSUMER,
THE ONE PRICE, SYSTEM
' READY PAY SYSTEM
PLATED WARE. -
JEWELRY OF AEL kINDS,
W^LLSBQRO f TI(|GA .COUNTY. P A.. WEDNESDAY MORNING* SEPTEMBER 20, 1865.
A , } . M t
- <•-*- * .1
IV AKf r\
~ -A* FOLfirY* .
tommuiticatiott.
[Written for The Agitafof.j
rtoogins ON FISH.
FIRST. PAPER.
gan sympathises—and—and—-but whyi follow
up this ..strain? Can unwritten music end
poetry in the bud, reach the. senses through a
newspaper article ? Scarcely. Not much. It
wants ‘blue and gold.’ Shall therefore let
you fiU out a blank requisition on your imagir
nation for the rejt, reserving one blank for my
self.l
.Ten milep are up—so is the sun—except those
that have wilted—mercury still in ascension—
horses nodding to every oat field—■
Muggins: “ Sp'oze we 'stop.” ■
Bf’wn “Stop'what? haint done-anything
I'm ashamed of;" ■:, ;, . ~ , •
Smith : 11 Whoa—whoa—steady whoa—
up !" •
Hoggins:. “ Hello there !"
Stranger:-. “ Hello yourself I" ' J
Smith : : “ , ‘Wadt to Stop With you awhile.—
Feed our horses ; get - jTomothThg to eat, and a
room for'six, —ean we (do it?"
- “ Stranger: • “ Reckon how as if yet mongfat,
providinyotl’uus have bronght.a)ong your own
grulfjand things; ■Wo’uns.aint much on sioh
like—we’nns baint. ,My old woman kin tote
tbo.projui'e out of the and give y6t
right smart chance to range' ■yerfcßlves, I rfeck
bn ”
So that is Settled : weshell oat; the cage go
bottom of tb'eir-ont b&xos with a relish
that Speaks, well for their digestive powers-;
■while we looked about for au adventure, fo>
Junes bad told”us they grew on trees about
there. ’"A boat ride! a boat tide !’•’■-is the
unanimous chords; while the" wingless angels
olap'their. hande'in ecstatic; delight, and the
inale cattle, grunted, their approval. Haifa
mile below was the deep.hole.- so was the boat
—bjjf between us and there, were' riffles, arid
the water, like our financial pile, was low. For
tunately ‘ -however, Smith- knows how jo
double-quick (and so do Brown and Muggins,
-as. to that, .hut their-dispasitions are more quiet)
and he breaks away, down, the. bonk, at a tear
ing trot, while we follow sedately and decorous
ly on at a meek and solemn pace. ’ A splash
and a shout; and Smith appears on the riffled—
a Id mule on - the 1 canal ankles exposed.
Perseverance and muscle bring him into deeper
water,,and,the shout: ship ahoy ! brings him
to shore.. <•
..Brown; “Why yes, ladies, step right in;
never mind a few inches' Of water—l'll vouch
for its purity—tho’ I can’t Teoommend .it as a
a beverage—it-will do for navigation, however,
jump in, jump ip
..i.. Now a boat istt good thing to have in the
country, especially if there is any water about.
.But sieves are exclusively for Btraihingpnhkin
sauce', and r our party representing the'cabbage
and squash fraternity,-we had noifoedbr-seiyes,
and at boat wjtb ,a briatol board ,bottom isn’t
I apt to sjvim much.better than a nutmeg grater—
! filKtf if Uak JKof JiL iKix" VkfiUnannhc
of ooate. ' SSj when Smith canaled oor ola
-craft out into the stream, and the water began
to bobble through the, wormholes, and signs of
mesmerism began to appear, in the boat, and
things began to look hysterioy, hypochondri
oal, if not lugubrious—and'the crazy old thing
sunk' like a stone to the bottom on a riffle, amid
the-beart-rendihg and ear-splitting screams of
mortal fright and distress from the ladies —
God bless, them I .You ought to have seen the
.death agony and other contortions of Muggins
who sat high and dry on shore—on shore be
cause, being spooney bn water," lie had declined '
taking's SSdt intwo raobee of it; all on account
of his good clothes, frail and delicate ,constitu
tion, and nervous-sensibility,-Muggins's agony.
-J 1 ware orfull' He essayed^to fly out .to the
shipwrecked party—but hia wings wouldn’t
work j . and hie Ma. bad often told him he
I mustn’t go in the water barefooted, 01! other--
I wise, and must'always keep his feetout of sight,
in company—and Mbggins - always minds his
'mother, when she knows, he’s ont;. and tho’
the flesh was. weak, the spirit, was willing to
do the fair thing—but parental authority tri
umphed, pnd Muggins sat 'still."' What 'else
could be do? be yfas completely gumarabiced
to a big atone, by his fright, eo that wasa ‘ sure
thingbhhlm '/’ and he hadino big brother or
other near relative^any-,other man. to send
in, for he wouldn’t objected to that—so,bo was
quiteiheljpleea. But something must be done ;
one end of the boat remains out of water, and
oh it the ladies huddled like a - flock of-fright
ened sheep—i. e. lamba. .-Smith, in- stentorian
tones is singing. the “.Duxology,” whije Ilrown,
in n,. BU Ppj‘ant attitude, with a look of heavenly'
concern, (like unto a dying lobster) and eyes in
a fine frenzy rolling, (like unto two'onions in a
pot) bands clasped reverently oil his flat but
sensitive bosom,'-(like unto a saw burse) was
doing his-best in a sulemnoolic. endeavorto re
peat-the Lord’aPrayer ;'' lJ
-... .. “-Now I lay me dywn. to aleep;
I pray tlm Lordnly snultokecp; -
’TP labonM die before I waka r ” • , .
, ~ ; j 0 Lori remember me! ’ - -
But the case is desperate-critical—alarm
ing—the old.scow declines to float—one’end la
under—sink, swim or‘wade are 1 the only alter
natives. Smith offers himself hs pack-saddle
and yullantly proposes to tote the party,ashore.
Bfowu ’ holds'his breath, and-Muggins resur
rects, -otily. To collapse -again.unijer tho contin
ued excitement on his nervous system—the
ladies decline the pack-saddle—hold a council
of war on their own responsibility—adopt the
undress uniform, and decide' to wade, Because
necessity is' then mother of .-invention. , Smith
goes to shore with the ‘foot-gear—Brown ban
dages .hi 3.,eyes, not blind, but inquisitive to.see
—commonly called windows of the'soul—Mug
gins spreads' bis handkerchief over his bead,
being 'harefnl to .put the holes-where he can’t
see-through. I might draw , the curtain here
-oyer the whole scene, but although we were on
the retfeat, I shan’t raise the white flag if oth
ers do ; and besides, my solemn oath as histo
rian, compels me to tell ' the truth, the whole
troth and) nothing but the truth.’
| Several minutes of torturing suspense follow.
You feel affectionate, but you can’t tell why—
because you can’t see. Then you feel miserable
ali-tbe way through—as if an.ounce of quick
silver had started from your big toe and was
looking after your organ of veneration. You
still think yourself alive however, and if so,
wish to remain. You’ piotnre to yourself that
paradise. liei jusTciii the other side of your
handkerchief. Tantalizing, provoking, aggra
vating 1 know, hot you must be oblivious for a
season, lou will, of -course, remember Keats’
description of Magdeline, and ten to one, re
peat it aloud:
• *•' By degrees
Her rich attire creepsrnatling to her knees;
Half-hidden, like a mermaid in sea-weed.
Pensive, awhile she”— wades I .
Imagination will-paint some suob.pictnre—of
course you ahoul£ not: but the probability is
TOu-will.-. Yes, von will think of mermaids,
and wish yourself almost any kind of a sea ttfoff
ster—even an imperceptible sucker, in trans
parent waters You would like to know how
cold you are, and would ask for a.themometer
to find out: and when you find the weather a
good deal ojlder than you suppose it was, you
will feel-surprised—yon will not understand it;
there is something mysterious in it. Yon would
like to be invisible—you would like to be im
macnlate,.so you wouldn’t have to be band
aged—you would like to realize the imaginary
picture on your retina—you would like to
see. Smith’s trowserloone, at this.point, started
on i visit to his ooat-oollar, butdidn’t get there
on account of the human, forked-radish prin
ciple. I felt as if pedal extremities were grow
ing out of me, on. the principle of a hub in a
wagon wheel: while -Brown, with tears in his
voice, said he couldn’t see it;” and he couldn’t
be expected to. ,But'a scream and a splash is
beard. - -Brown and Muggins take off their band
ages. They never did a more injudicious.thing;
I—they
-were astonished, petrified. thanderstruok, wild
with mortifioationj-rtwhat-had happened? why
SoHtbpupfchaiiing-tbsfear—of a-bandaga before
bis eyes—rash and inconsiderate youth 1 had
.rescued ene-of the mermaids from the boat, and
in a hereto attempf'to carry the amphibious
biped to the shore his visible means of support
gave way and down came Smith, mermaid and
all—in ten inches of_water, not ten feet from
shored—all purely accidental design of coarse.
But I object. lam a nervous man, and the
least noise disturbs me. lam also very im
pressible—all nervous tjmn are. I did not con
sider if proper or. polite to fall-down under such
circumstances, especially . where hoops are con
cerned. I did not know what the reason was—
it made no difference,what it was—there could
tie no reason, that could, by any possible soph
estry, be made to sanction such infelicitous
conduct: yet—
-11 What monarch hnt would give his crown
. - His arms might do what"— his—haddone
And yet Smith knew:
' “ Her heart—it was anothers."
2} '•>
■ . My excessive modesty, wont permit me to
jdweUupon-tlus ineffable scene; ao Miss Hosmer
will haive to get other models for her Greek
stave." Smith's feelings found vent in the query;
-• yTow’ifieo'irTftl ’ft secret sympathy '}
Is there some loving spirit shrined in thee V*
Muggins—
-0 it’s the ankles, whiter than descending snow,
1 think, Smith, makes you feel so. '
Brown : Say, fallows, I want to go home I
Smith : If ignorance is this, J tU folly to be
Wise., 1
Brown;
. 0 that a glasee of heavenly day
Had taken that stubborn rag away!
Had a stamp speech been asked now of
Muggins, lie would ffnve-felt like delivering
himself thus ; ,
Ladies and Gentlemen: .An idea’s strnck
me. (Hurt you much f) Shall Igo on, or
subside T\ (Go on I) I say lam the recipient
of'air idea—original too. '(Who’s it-original
with?) ; In order to oome down to the level of
your comprehension,! will call the science I
am about,.to delineate—pedology. (What’s
that?) Well, gentlemen, if I am to famish
you with ideas, and brains to understand them,
and be dictionary too, perhaps you’d better
bind"me in calf, and torn over my'leaves to
suit yourselves., (You’re already bound in
calf!) Podology, ladies and gentlemen, is the
converse, or antithesis, or the other extreme of
Phrenology. It is the art of judging of char
acter by the feet, or pedal extremities, and is
closely andJihtTmately'cpnnected with Ankle
ism and Calfologjr '(O Lud, 0!) Illiterate
-persons might suppose that the term I make
nse of to designate this science, referred to the
human body because the syllable ‘ pod’ occurs
in it, and because some bodies ate nods, with
out any stem or fruit—useless. But no, air;
it refers to the human foot divine, and under
lies every other system founded on the human
system. Why, you will .find that Podology is
at the bottom of you all, and rests-upon a
foundation broad enough to last a lifetime ; and
my very solemn conviction is that it’s bound to
i kick ail other ologiea higher than a kite. (Air
ye in dead yearnest?) Ad libitum, I will now
come to the point of my theory ; sic transit!
(Sic who ? are we dogs 1 hist! we’ll hear some
thing bilious on the big toe now.) If I were
called upon, gentlemen, to say what was your
great special characteristic I should say Podol
ogy, at once ; not so much in the immensity of
size, as of extent —filling the mind with the
same order of emotion that the- ocean does,
with this difference: that yours, Smith, is the
webfooted Podology, while yours, Brown, is
t)ie gigantic pedal, rose geraneum Podology—
like in kind, but differing in color and odor
iferousneas.
' Good I good I’
■ How. dearie is I’
'/ Clear as mud 1’
/.What a figurative style 1’
‘Cots a big figure I’
‘ Fine; what a fool-killer he’d make!’
• How he accomnlates it on ’em 1' .
‘ Piles the agony 1’
‘ Hist 1 he’s, about to touch on something pro
found.'
My gentle hearers, my heantiful system of
Podology telle me that the big toe is a certain
forerunner of the whole human family; and
: like John the Baptist, points ont the way in
i which you must follow, or fall from grace into
te-ioe-tal depravity I Nextly: Show me a man
with his heel going back on him, and I will
show you a human blue Jay, or a horticultural
heliotrope. A thick foot indicates great similari
ty in the bead. A broad foot shows a substan
tial understanding, and, please Crispin, ptovid*
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and other BLANKS, constantly on band.
NO. 5.
log it don’t exhaust bis stock and ha don't have'
to go oat doors to make a pit, A bigb instep
is apt to get its back up. A foot in length,
indicates tbat the owner is long for this world,
A bony foot is strongly suggestive of anatomy:
while a foot of flesh, is sometimes bootless, bat
ought not to be if ita embonpoint ia sufficient
to suggest blabber. A woman’s foot is sup
posed to be smaller than ‘any other man's’—bat
that rests upon hypothesis, (or some other sis)
and the intermediate nnmbers, from 9 to 14:
while a man is supposed to stand on his taps,
except when he’a on his dignity. Opinions
differ as to the toe nails—some call them ‘red,
white and blue,’ while others oall them ‘black
and blue,’ and others, brown; I shall not
venture a decisive oppinion on this fastidious
and delicate point, unless I say the term 'earthy*
covers the whole ground. Dirty feet indioaM
great benevolence and much modesty and ohria*
tian resignation. To ‘foot up’ means division
of fractions invert the divisor; while the term
‘ Kick up,’ sometimes means to got yourself
knocked down. A leaky boot or shoe some
times brings a dampness over .the frail spirit of
Pedology; whereas, a hole in your stocking
is an open shame, therefore, let ventilation be
confined to the hat and elbows ; all of which is
respectfully submitted, and bears directly or
indirectly on my unsurpassed theory of Ped
ology, which is generally estimated by the foot;
but if any of you wish to patronize by the yard
just hand in your measure, to “ Sears & Co.”
O ye of Ifttle faith 1 O human ingratitude 1
Incredulous beings ! Human cattle 1 Can't I
penetrate your craniology ? Nothing in Pedolo
gy, do you say ? Why look around you as you
stand. The refutation of your foolish disbe
lief is before your eyes. Look at that beautifol
foot and, ( Ah, I like to have said ankle,)
there in the mirage ! What have yon to say to
the perfect symmetry of the ravishing picture I
its seductive sinuosities, swells and vales,'per
fection of outlines, perspective, and all that,
looming up to the eye, more luminously as yon
concentrate your gaze and think of Cinderilla;
visible only it is true, to the imagination—ideal,
and the bean ideal of all that is possible,for
Palmer. And if such a seeming foot will nat
orally arise to the eye here in the mountains—
naturally, because the result of natural causes,
what though in absolute fact there be no foot—
what if it is all illusion, hallucination—all in
your eye, as the vulgar say I It is only your
reasoning mind that tells you this. The imag
inative mind tells yon there is a foot; one part
of your intellect says there ia not, another Bays
there is,—which do you believe ? Most undoubt
edly, as far as the present picture is concerned,
the one that tella your senses that here before
you stands the foot. And here to all intents
and purposes, it does stand, apparent before ,
you in all its magnified glory, such as can onlv
Knman Ksains a nrl nf )
oJer order; compared to wnioß, oojomon to i'i
all his glory, did not amonnt to grass;—and
here I rest the vindication of Podology.
“ Don’t go in any deeper. Hoggins, or the
subject will swim yon."
" Let him pitoh in; it's good wading all
about where ho is.”
Gentlemen all this repeated oank about
Podology is not true! in fact—not even a phys
iognomical faot. But what if it were ? Yes,.
gentleman, wbatif it were ? And thisqaestion
brings me to the giat of the matter. If you
don't put on yonr shoes and stockings, I’ll
publish yon all in the next Agitator 1
“ It’s a slaughter of the innocents !"
“ It’s great spouting!" ,
“ A whale’r 1”
“ What a senator he’d make I"
“ Hain't he high-strung ?"
“ A-eharp is G-flat.”
“What a tremendous effort!” ’
11 Prodigious I"
"Ponohons!" (
He's discombobberated ’em 1”
“ Explunotified ’em 1” 1”
“ All to smashes V’
‘‘How's your epiglottis |f"
V How's your diaphragm?”
“ How are yon Podology ?”
Thus endetfalthe first chapter.
, iThe theory of the poet Gray, that undevloped
Hampdens, Miltons and Cromwells lie moulder
ing in many a village graveyard, is a very pretty
one and may be true. The ’ world, however,
can only judge of a man’s capabilities by what
he says and does, it rightly prefers the man of
small talent who makes occasion for its exer
cise, to the mental giant, whose intellect lies
dormant until occasion wakes it up. Latent
Genius that can only be called into action by a
rare combination of exciting circumstances, is
of less practical value to mankind and to its
owner, than mediocre ability with plenty of
spontaneous energy behind it.
We could put our ten gar upon man; individ
uals of very moderate intellectual calibre, who
have left greater minda hull down in t bait wake
in the race for fortune and even fame. The
success* of such men is due to their motive pow
er. The public to them as “perfect
steamboats and, practically speaking,' they
are worth all the gifted do-nothings that ever
lived or will live. Ton may call them fools if
you will, but they achieve their objects, and
not nufrequently extend a helping band to lag
gards of a higher order of talent, but of less
energy and determination than themselves. |
These facts—and we all know by onr daily
experience that they are facts—are consoling
to persons in whom ordinary capacity is com
bined with irrepressible pluck and indomitable
perseverance—men, who, as Billy Black saya in
the farce, “ never give nothing up.”
Really great men, however; those who make
their mark upon the age in which they live and
survive it in history, are a class of beings of a
different order. A strong intellect, high moral
qualities, and energy commensurate to their
lull development, are the elements of true great
ness, and whoever possesses these best gifts of
God to man, is indeed'*' only a little lower than
the angels." Alas! like Angel's visits the ad
vent of such benefactors of their race are “ few
and far between; and, when most needed, we'
too often look for them in Tain."
3 itosTng, 6 M 05133, 13 aoara*.
....$4.00 $5.76 97.60
.... 0,00 3.25 10.00
.... 8.75 10.75 13.40
--.10.00 12.00 16.78
.....18.75 25.00 31.80-
....80.00 43.00 00.00
Talent and Energy.