The Waynesboro' village record. (Waynesboro', Pa.) 1871-1900, January 11, 1872, Image 1

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• • By',W.. BLAIR"
TERMS—Two Dollars per Annuin if paid•
within the year; Two Dollars and
• Fifty cents after the expiration
of the year. '
lines) three insertions, $1,50 ; for
each subsequent insertion, Thir ,
Jive Cents per Square. A liberal
discount made to yearly adver
ALS.-13u.s; - is Ten Cents per
.Practices in the several Courts of Franklin
..tad adjacent Counties.
N. B.—Real Estate leased and sold, and
',Fire Insurance effected on reasonable terms.
December 10, 1371.
Experienced in Dentistry, will insert you
-sets of Teeth at prices to suit the times.
Feb. 16, 1871.
BIFI., k., Hi., STRICALEIity
OFFERS his Professional services to the
citizens of Waynesboro' and vicinity.
Da. STRICKLER has relinquished an exten
sive practice at Mercersburg, Ints
been prominently engaged for I. e. • a
years in the practice of his profession.
He has opened an Otlice in Waynesboro',
at the residence of lieorge Besore, Esq., iis
Father-in-law, where he can be found at 1
times when not professionally engaged.
July '2O, 1871.-tf. •
Can be found at all times at his office where
ho is prepared to insert teeth on the best
basis in use and at prices to suit the times.
eeth extracted, without pain by the use of
uloroforin, eather, nitrous oxid egas or the
/reezing process, in a manner surpassed by
We the undersigned being acquainted with
A. K. l3ranisliolts for the past year, can rec
ommend him to the public generally fo be
a Dentin well qualified to perform all ope
rations belonging to Dentistry in the most
skillful manner.
Sept 29tf]
C_ A_ S_ W 0 I_l F',
:AWatches Repaired and Warranted. - S2
ra - Jewelry Made and Repaired:9sa
July 13, 1871.-tf.
THE subscriber informs the public that he
continues the Barbering business in the
room next door to Mr. Reid's Grocery Store,
and is at all times prepared to do hair cut
ting, shaving,s hampooning etc. in the best
style. The patronage of the public is respect
fully solicited-
Aug 23 1871.
WICKEY'S eelebrated Cholera Med
i" -ieine prepared by Davin M. HOOVER of
Itinggold, .51d., can be had during the sea
son at F. FOURTIMAN'S Drug Store, and of
dealers generally. Pavelling Agent,
2.7, '7l-61n IkIYERS.
HAD AND HERRING.—Mess. Shad and
2otniaae Herrin in bbls. for sale by
. . .
*citti otirg.
That is not honie, where day by day,
I wear the busy hours away. • •
That is not home, where lonely night
Prepare me for the toils of light.
'Tis hope, and joy' and memory, give,
A home in which the heart can live.
These walls no lingering hopes endear;
No fond remembranceclaims rile here.
I heave the lonely Sigh ,
Itell thee why?
thou art is home to me,
without thee cannot be.
who strangely love to roam,
n wildest hauntstheir home.
in halls of lordly state,
ire homeless, desolate.
or's home is tented plain ; •
• on the stormy main ;
m's in her bower of rest,
..'s, on his mother's breast.
T thou art is home to me,
vithout thee cannot be.
no home in halls of pride :
too high, and cold and wide
is by the wanderer found :
in place—it hath no bound,
!ling atmosphere,
all the heart holds dear ; ,
the feelings in their course
ience undefined,
ing the conscious mind,
and Duty sweetly blend,
ate the name of Friend.
'iou art is home to me. '
orgive the anxious sigh—
mome )y,
that life is fleeting fast,
h with us will soon be pasi,
will Time, consenting, give
in which my heart can live?
_ the past and future meet.
And o'er our couch, in union sweet,
Extend their cherub wings, and show'r
Bright influence on the present hour.
Oh, when shall Israel's mystic guide,
The pillar'd cloud, our steps decide,
Then testing, spread its guardian shade
To bless the home which Love has made?
Daily, my love, shall thence arise
Our united sacrifice ;
And home indeed a home will be,
Thus consecrate and shared with thee
alliacellancous caking.
A contributor tells an exchange how
he was permanently cured of fits. He
was riding in the mining district of Neva
da—one of those mushroom kind of
growths common in the territories—when
night came upon him. Tired and hun
gry, he drew up at a greisy, dirty shanty
which was called a tavern, and sought
accommodations. He thus details his
night's experience :
The landlord could only give me a
room with a bed-fellow.
"Very well, I don't object," said I, as
he led the way by the light of a misera
ble tallbw dip, which he left with me to
light me to bed.
I s.irveyed the room, and particularly
my bed-fellow. lie was a mild looking
'man. I thought—perhaps a class-lead
er in some primitive log church near by.
llis repose was so quiet and child-like
that I thought we would sleep peacefully
together for the night ; but before I had
blown the candle out he opened a snore
that seemed like a cross between filing
a saw and sawing a board, and my feel
ings at once became malicious toward
I blew out the light and turned in, and
still the snore continued. The moon had
risen making every object in the room
I hunched lay friend, and as he opened
h:s eyes with a snap, he said :
"By jingo ! how you scared the, Mis
ter ! You going to sleep here to-night ?"
"Well, I'm mighty glad of it. I al
ways like company. It's kinder lone
some to sleep alone."
"Yes, it is so. Pardon me for waking
you, but I thought it my duty to tell you
that I sometimes take fits.'
"What, fits? Yon don't say so, Mis
ter !"
"Yes I do. lam not particularly dan
gerous, but I bite sometimes ; so be care
ful that I don't get my teeth into you."
"Well, I'll be doggoned 1 I hope you
won't have any fits."
"So do I."
hope, Mister, you won't bite me if
you do have any fits ?"
"0, I hope not."
He drew a long breath, then said :
"Well, I'm afraid I won't . sleep any
to, flight."
"0, don't lose any sleep."
"But how am I to know when you are
going to have fits?"
"0, I groan, and breathe hard, and
foam at the mouth ; and, when you hear
me snap my teeth like a dog, then you
had better look out."
"Well, I'm blamed if I ain't sorry,
Mister, you come in here. I'm afraid
you'll he more company than I want."
' "0, don't be uneasy ; I sometimes don't
have any for months. Let's go to sleep ;"
and I pretended to drop off inqo peaceful
My companion rolled and tumbled un
easy for some time, then dropped off in
to a restless sleep, and soon commenced
that old snore just where he left off' when
I woke him up. That decided me upon
having a fit, and with' a fearful, and a
horrible groaning, I set My nails into his
arms, and my teeth into . his' shoulder, just
hard enough to nip nicely, but it Yr as
just enough. fox the purpose. With a
terrible ; yell he sprang from the bed, and
went flying down stairs .exclaiming :
"Oh, dear, he's got fit's, he's got' ts !
He's bit a piece out of shoulder !"
The landlord, with a crowd from the
bar-room, came hurrying up, and found
me just recovering from the effects of a
fit; and giving me a hot toddy from his
own private bottle, he left me. Ile carri
ed with him the clothing of my bed-fel
low, who had turned in on ablanket down
stairs, resolved to be bitten no more by
men having fits.
It was delicious to have the whole bed
to myself, and I luxuriated in it by
stretching myself entirely across it. I
had soon dropped into a slumber, peace
ful and innocent as my childhood, when
I was aroused by some one roughly shak
ing my shoulder and saying :
'Wake up, stranger, and move over.--
Half thi be _' - "
I opened my eyes on a six-foot team
ster, 'oho was pulling off his rough boots.
A rough looking specimen he was ; but
he annoyed me most by taking up 'two
thirds of the bed, and crowding me to
the wall. I concluded to try another fit,
and said :
"My friend!"
'Oh ! shut up your trap, I'm sleepy."
" t_l_thought-1 2 4-411—yoa—that=1-
have fits."
"Well, fit away, so you don't wake me."
"But I bite when I have them."
"Weil, bite the bed-post, then."
Now, this ought to have• convinced me
that he was the wrong customer, but, it
. • ' •
• I (r -ttial-i-Ele—WaS---Kalii
asleep, like a fool, 1. buckled in,
,and set
my teeth and nails into him in splendid
style, while I. began to groan feariully.—
It was the best fit I' ever had, a per
fect success on my part ; but the way
that chap jumped out of bed and mauled
me around the room was the most per
fect success in pugilistic treat me n t
ever experienced. He brought me out
of that tit, though. He cured me eom
pletely of it. I don't think I'll ever have
another ; but I didn't like his medicine.
My eyes all blacked up, my nose blood,
ied, lip split open, oneear flattened to my
head. my shirt front all torn off, and to
make the matter worse, the fellow was a
sleep in live . minutes after, as though
nothing had happened.
The next morning I went down late to
breakfast, and allcrowded around to see
the man who had fits, - and to tell rue that
my horse was stolen. The mild-looking
man, my first bed-fellow, had gone off
with him.
At a railroad station, not long ago, one
of the beautiful lessons which all should
learn was taught in such a natural, simple
way, that none could forget it. It was a
bleak, snowy day ; the train was late, the
ladies' room dark and smoky, and the do
zed women, old and young, who sat wait
ing impatiently, looking cross, and low
spirited, or stupid.
Just then a forlorn old woman, shak
ing with the palsy, came iu with a basket
of little wares for sale, and went about
mutely offering-them to the sitters. No,
body bought anything, and the poor old
soul stood blinking at the door a minute,
as if relucting to go out in the storm a
gain. She turned presently, and poked
about the room as if trying to find some
thing, and then a pale lady in black, who
lay as if asleep on a sofa, opened her eyes
saw' the old woman, and instantly asked
in a kind tone, "Have you lost anything,
ma'am l"
"No, dear. I'm looking for the heat
in' place, to have a warm 'fore Igo out
to'n My eyes are poor, and I don't seem
to find the furnace nowhere."
"Here it is ;" and the lady led her to
the steam radiator, placed a chair, and
showed her how to warm her feet.
"Well, now, ain't that nice ?" said the
old woman, spreading her ragged mittens
to dry. ."Thankee, dear ; this is proper
comfortable, ain't it? I'm most froze to
death to-day, beingame and aching, and
not selling much made me sort of down
The lady smiled, went to the counter,
bought a cup of tea and some sort of food,
carried it to the old woman, and said, as
respectfully and kind as if the poor soul
had been drssed in silk and fur, "Won't
you have a cup of hot tea ? It's very com
forting such a day as this."
"Sakes alive ! Do they give tea at this
depot ?" cried the oldi lady in a tone of
innocent surprise, that made a smile go
round the room, touching the glummest
face like a streak of sunshine. "Well, now,
this is just lovely," added the old lady,
sipping away with a relish. "That does
warm my heart."
While she refreshed herself, telling her
story - meanwhile, the lady looked over
the poor little wares in the basket,bought
soap, pins shoe-strings, and cheered the
old soul by paying for them.
As I watched her doing this I thought
what.a sweet face she ha, thought I'd
considered her rather plain before. I felt
dreadfully ashamed of myself that I had
grimly shaken my head when the basket
was offered to me, and, as I saw a look
of interest, sympathy and kindness come
into the faces around me, I did wish that
I had been the magician to call it out.—
It was only a kind word and a friendly
act; but somehow it brightened that dingy
room wonderfully. It changed the faces
of a dozen women ; and I think it touch
ed a dozen hearts, for I saw my eyes fol
low the plain, pale lady with sudden res
pect; and when the old woman, with many
thanks got up , to go, several persons beck
oned to her and' bought something, as if
they wanted to repair their negligence.
A Little Sermon.
There were no gentleman present to be
impressed by the lady's kind act, so it
was not done for effect, and no possible
reward could be received for it,except the
thanks of a poor old woman. But the
simple little charity was as good as a ser
mon, and I think each traveler went on
her way better for that half hour in the
dreary station.—S. S. Worknuzn.
A Persevering Chap.
Some years since there resided in Wash
ington, a very lovely girl, who Wished to
marry a young man named Robert —,
„an engagement having been' recently en
tered into between them, of that effect.
Her father, however, objected to this
match with one of his clerks, and when
the lady received a tempting , proposal
frOm a wealthy suitor, the paternal influ
ence soon effected a marriage despite the
previous engagement. In less than three
months her husband was killed• by a kick
from a horse. . Robert was a second time
a suitor, but delayed the important ques
tion until fifteen months had elapsed,when,
to his horror, she 1 •• • ••• • • • •
was engaged. In three month thereafter
she was married. Two years elapsed, when
the marrid couple removed to Syracuse,
N. Y., where, among the victims of the
cholera, when the pestilence swept that
city, was the second taken. Robert again
sought her hand, and when a year had e
lapsed, was on the eve of a declaration,.
when lo ! he received an invitation to her
was found in such a state that to avoid
immense losses, she removed with her
third husband to Detroit, Michigan. A
few years elapsed, when herself and hus
near Buffalo. The husband perished, and
ped solely-through-the-ex_m_•,.-
tion of a friend who was on board. His
gallantry inspired such sentiments in her
breast, that she married her brave pre
server a few months after her third wid
owhood. The happy pair removed to Pitts
burg, where her husband was engaged in
the mercantile business. Thither Robert,
still cherishing his first love, fbllowed
them. One day as he was passing the
door of the husband's store, he saw a ter
rible commotion, Rushing in, he beheld
a mangled corpse of that gentleman on
the floor. A tierce of rice being hoisted to
the upper story had falling through the
traps, killing him instantly. • Anxious
Robert inquired if any one had been sent
to inform his wife, and was told that the
hook-keeper had just gone. Robert star
ted for Allegheny city, when the deceas
ed resided, at the top of his speed. The
book-keeper was just ahead of him, and
from past experiences knowing the virtue
of prompt action and apprehending that
the clerk had designs on the widow, he
ran for dear life, side by side. The race
continued until they reachedlland street
bridge, when the clerk was obliged to stop
to pay the toll, while Robert, a commu
ter, passed over without stopping. Reich-
the house of the widow first, Robert
told the heartrending news, and almost in
the same breath made a. proposition of,
marriage. He was accepted. True to her
promise, after a year of mourning she be
came his wife. As all her husbands had
died wealthy, Robert was comfortably
fixed, after all. This case is a remarkable
example of what 'pluck and perseverance.;
will do for a man, while-at the same time
it teaches a lesson on the danger of delay.
Story of a Hotel Bill.
We find this amusing story in the New
York correspondence of the Boston Her
ald :
We are all familiar with the frequent
extortions practiced by hotel keepers in
this country, upon those of their patrons
who, it is supposed, will endure anything.
Not long ago, a young lady who had come
here from New England with her mother,
with the view of taking lessons in music,
went to one of the uptown houses to stay
for a week or two, until she could board
in a private family. The morning she
was to leave she Went for the bill for her
self and mother, a lady of nearly sixty,
who occupied a room, No. 45, adjoining
that of her daughter. Miss —was amaz
ed to find that her bill amounted to $175,
because she knew itought not to be more
than $6O or $7O at the outside. As no
times were given, she returned the account
to the office with the request that the i
tems should be inserted. The bill went
back with two or three specifications, and
"sundries" set down at $7O. Once more
she returned the bill, demanding to know
what the "sundries" might he. The clerk
explained through the servant that "sun
dries" was the polite term for "drinks,"
which so enraged the young lady that she
demanded to see the extraordinary ac
countant unperson. He made himself vis
ible in due season, and the delicate spirit
ual looking girl confronted him by ask
ing if he supposed she had drank in eight
or nine days $7O worth of liquor. As may
be imagined, he was somewhat abashed,
and said with confusion : "I beg pardon,
Miss ;itis a mere clerical error. This is
44 ; the drinks should have been charged
to 45—the next door, you see—a room
occupied by an old fellow who drinks like
a fish." "Permit me to introduce to you
the old fellow," replied. Miss —, push
ing open the door standing ajar, and re
vealing to his confounded gaze one of the
gentlest and saintliest-looking old ladies
he had ever beheld. The clerk said noth
ing, but dashed down the stairs, and in a
minute a receipted bill was once more 1:e
-turned, with the ,'sundries" omitted.
While there is much misery and sin
in the world, a man has no right to lull
himself to sleep in a paradise of self im
provement and self-enjoyment, in which
there is but one supreme Adam; one per
fect specimen of humanity—namely, him
self He ought to go o'ut and work—
fight, fight if it most be, whatever duty
calls him.
A Good Action, Repaid,
Nearly half a century ago, long before
railroads were invented, a stage-coach us
ed to run every day betwecaGlesgow and
Greenoch, in Scotland. One day a lady
who was traviling in this coach, "noticed
a boy traveling barefooted, and looking
very tired as he struggled to get along.—
She asked the coachman to take him up
and give him a seat, and she would pay
for it.
When they arrived at the inn at Green
och, which was a seaport town, she asked
the boy what he came there for. He said
he wished to be a sailor, and hoped some
of the captains would engage him. She
gave him a crown, wished him sccess, and
told him to be a good boy, and try to love
and serve God.
After this, twenty years passed away.
One afternoon the coach alongwas
the same road, returning to Glasgow. A
mong the passengers was a sea captain.
When they reached about the same spot,
just above referred to, the captain observ
ed an old lady on the road, walking_very
-nd-looking-vcry tired-anthweary,
He asked the driver to put her in the
coach as there was an empty seat, and he
would pay for her. Shortly after, as they
were changing horses, all the passengers
got_ out except the captain .and old lady.
As they were alone the lady thanked
the captain for his kindness, in giving her
a seat, as she was unable to pay for one.
He said he always felt a pity for poor,
4", re twenty years—ago
when he was a boy, traveling on foot near
this place, some kind-hearted woman or
dered the coachman to take me up, and
aid for his seat.
"I remember that very well, said she,
for I am that ]ady ; but my ,condition is
very rouec
well off, but noiv I am reduced to pover
ty by the bad conduct of a prodigal son.
Then the captain shook hands with her,
and said how glad he was to see her. I
have been very successful, said he, and
am now going home to live on my for
tune ;—and now my good friend I will set,
25 pounds that is 025—upon you every
year as long as you live. God paid her
back again more than a hundred fold,
what she gave it pity to that poor boy :
—Dr. _Newton's "Best Loan."
Would You ?
Would you keep your rosy complexion,
wear thick-soled shoes.
Would you enjoy quiet content, do a
way with airs and pretense.
Would you have others respect your
opinions, respect and never disown them
Would you marry and be happy, to an
ounce of love add at least a grain of good
sense and judgment, in choosing a com
Would you have good health, go out
in the sunshine. Sickness is worse than
Would you respect yourself, keep your
heart and body clean. •
Would you retain the love of a friend,
do:not be selfishly exacting.
Would you gain the confidence of bus
iness men, do not try to support the style
of your employer, on a small salary. •
Would you never dread to look any one
in the face, pay your debts.
IVould you never be told a lie,do not ask
personal questions.
'Would you sleep well and have a good
tippetite, attend to your own business.
Would you command the respect of men,
never permit yourself to indulge in vulgar
jokes or.conversation. -
Would you save yourself annoyance,
do not stir up a dirty lot of scandal.
Would you deserve the name of lady,
never, either to men or women, descend
to obsenity or low illusions. To your face
they may laugh at your wit, but to others
they will speak disrespectfully of you.—
Elm Orlou.
An Astonished Conductor.
"Get aboard, old limpy," said a pert
conductor to an aged, plainly-dressed
man, standing on the platform, waiting
for the 'signal to depart ; "get a-board,
old limpy or you'll get left."
At the signal, the old gentleman qui
etly stepped aboard and took a seat by
himself. When the conductor, in taking
up the tickets, came to him and demand
ed, his fare, he replied :
"I do not pay fare on this' road." •
"Then I will• put you off at the next
station." The conductor passed on, and
a passenger, who had seen the transaction
said to him :
"Did you know that old gentleman ?"
"No, I did not."
"Well, it, is Mr.--, the President
of this road."
The_ conductor changed color, and bit
his lips, but went on and Blushed taking
up the tickets. As soon as he had done
he returned to "old limpy," and - said:
"Sir, I resign my station as conduc
"Sit down here, young man. Ido not
wish to harm you; but we run this road
for profit and to accommodate the pub
lie, and we make it an invariable rule to
treat every person with perfect civility,
whatever garb he wears, or whatever in
firmity he suffered. This rule is imperi
ous upon every one of our eniployees.—
I shall not remove you for what you
have done, but it must not be repeated a
ny more."
That conductor afterward never saw
among his passengers another ."old
A negro boy of eight, has a picture prim
mer to teach him his letters. One of the
pictures is that of a bull chasing a boy,
which the little darkey watches from day
to day, gleefully exclaiming :* :'He hasn't
cotched him yet?'
.11.1sronrc P.EraAsEs.Samuel Adamss
known for many things, seldom had hi
name associated with the phrase first ap
plied by him to England—" Nation of .
Franklin has said many things that
have' passed into maxims, but nothing
that is better known and remembered
than "he hati paid too dear for his whis
Washington made but few, epigram
matic speeches. Here is one: "To be pre
pared for war is the most effectual means
of preserving peace."
. Old John Dicksnson wrote of ameri
cans in 1778: "By uniting we stand, by
dividing we fall."
Patrick Henry, as every school-boy
knows, gave us: Give me liberty or give
me death," and "If this be treason, make
the most of it
Thomas Pane had many quotable epi
grammatic sentences: "Rose like a rock
et, fell like a stick;" "Times that try
men's souls;" "One step from the sub-
lime to the ridiculous," etc.
. -
however we shall be called on to make
our exit, we will die freeman."
Henry Lee gave Washington his im
mortal title; "First in war, first in peace,
and first in the hearts of his country-
Charles Cotesworth Pinckney declared
in favor of "Millions for defense, but
not one cent for tribute."
"PeacAlrifive-ean T firreibly-i-f-we-nals ,"
is from Josiah Quincy, 1811.
Andrew Jackson gave us, "The Unibn
—it-must be preserved."
sb al t - haw — n o — oth or — wife — but — me; — nor
4 I Al I
Thou shalt not take unto thy house
any beautiful, sly, brazen linage of a
servant girl to make love to when my
back is turned, for I am a jealous wife.
Honor thy wife's father and mother—
wear a smile when they meet thee.
Thou shalt not be behind thy neigh
bor, but outshine, him in dressing thy
wife and babies.
Thou shalt let thy wife have the last
word in every row.
Thou shalt not get drnak, nor go to
bed with thy boots on..
Thou shalt not say nice words to oth
er ladies in my presence, nor praise them
in our privacy—remember I .a,m a jealous
Thou shalt not stay out, after nine o'-
clock at night; nor snore at my side, nor
kick in my sleep.
- Remember, oh thou Benedict, these
commandments and keep them holy, for
they are the law and gospel.
GREAT MEN.—There are no "mute
Milton's." If a man has something to say
he will evitably say it. It is one of the
pleasantest self-delusions to imagine that•
we might have been this or that had. cir
cumstances been kinder. The truth' is
that the man with the right stuff in him
makes his own circumstances. He does
not sit down at'the feet of Destiny ; he
gets up and elbows her out of his way.—
Very few of the world's great men have
been born with, so to say, a gold spoon in
their mouths. They have come up from
toil, from penury, and become kings and
princes among . men by the sheer force of
soul that was in 'them. If there be a bu
nion soul ofany true and great power it will
find expression. If we are weak and in
firm of _purpose and unsuccessful, we may
be sure that it was not in use to do' any
thing else.
"What will you take to , drink ?" asked
a waiter of a young lad, who for the first
time accompanied his father 'to a public
dinner. Uncertain what to say—feeling
sure he could not be wrong if he followed
his fathers example, he replied, "I'll take
what father takes."
The answer reached the father's ear,
and instantly the full responsibility of his
position flashed upon him. And the fa
ther shuddered at the history of several
young men, once-,as promising as his own
bright lad, and ruined by drink, : started
up is solemn warning before him.
Rapidly these thoughts 'went through
his mind. "If the boy falls, he will have
me to blame ;" and. then in tones . tremu
lous with emotion, • and to the astonish
ment of those who knew him, he said :
"Waiter I'll take water;" and from
that day to this, strong drink has beet
banished 'from that man's house.
Profanity never did any may the least
good. No man is richer, or happier, or
wiser for it. It commends no one to so
ciety ; it is disgusting to the refined, and
abominable to the good.
6 ne watch set right will do to try many
by ; but on the other hand, one that goes
wrong may be the means of misleading a
whole neighborhood. And the same ,my
be said of example.
Never stand aside for trifles. Let them
do that to honor you
We should give as we receive—l-checr
fully, quickly, and without hesitation, for
there is no grace in a benefit tiiat sticks to
the fingers.
True religion shows its influence in ev
ery part of our conduct, it is like the sap
of a living tree, which penetrates the dis
tant boughs.
A Party of Forte Wayne young 'gen-,
tleman dined sumptously at a restaurant;
and each one insisted on paying the - bill
to decide the matter it was proposed to
blindfold the waiter, and the first one he
caught should pay the. bill. He hasn't
ca ught any yet,.
52,00 PER YEAR
~IUi~ I: X4'4l
tf i o;ft'
(twt ,a . na
The book to which reference is 'most
frequently made— the pocket-booki
Why isthe road of transg,ressois so kgd?
—Because it is so much traveled. -
Why should young ladies set good ea•
amples. Because young men are apt to
follow them.
Should you feel inclined 'to censure
Faults you may in others view,
Ask your own life, ere you venture
If that has not failings too.
To converse with the spirits—Lay a
sixpence on the table at a grog-shop, and
they'll show themselves quicker than you
can say beaus.
A brick fell from &scaffold, on the head
of a passing negro. "Fring dem dare pea
nut ' , hell another way, won't yet." was
the darkey's advice, as he scratched his
Mr. Garver, doing the honors of the ta
ble, said to one of the guests, a fashiona
ble dressed girl of the period, "I see the t
you have plenty of breast, Miss, but do
have a littlo more dressing 1"
FOND MOTBER.—"Come here, my son,
and hand me that strap. It hurts me
ver , much to whit ou." Young hope
ful—"No, it don't • urt you la so runc
as it does me ; if it dill you wouldn't do
it so often, too; now."
in. societ at Covina-
dous question, which is_ the more useful,
paper or gun-power
was for a long time in great doubt as to
which side had produced the strongest ar •
gament, when one of the powder. 'side a
rose and very aravely said: "Mr. Presi
dent: 'spose dar was a bar oat at the door,
and you was to go dar and shake - the pa
per at him, you'd see what de bar would
do. But jes shoot a cannon at him and
mark de result. I calls for de : question. 7
The President forthwith decided the favor
of powder.
Rev. Cllr. had traveled far to
preach to a congregation After
the sermon he waited very patiently; evi
dently expecting some of his brethren to
invite him to dinner. In thin he was dis
appointed, One after another departed
until the church was almost as empty, as
the minister's stomach. 'Summoning res
solution, however, he walked up to aUtl
derly geutleman! and gravely said:.
you go home to dinner : with me to-day
brother ?" "here, do you live ?" "A
bout twenty milelliom this, sir." "No,"
said the man, coloring, "btu you must go
with me." "Thank you- 7 I will cheer
fully." After that-time the minister was
no more troubled about kis dinner.
In 1873 a fat man rushed into the of
fice of a well-known New Hampshire law
yer, and told him he was'drafted. '
"The duce you arel" said the lawyer,
41 must be a strong man that could
'draft a man of your size.?'
"Well. .I an drafted, and want you to
get,rue ofr, I will pay you well for it.
"Very well;" and they proceeded to the
office of the provost marshall.
"Here, said the lawyer, I've got a sub
"He won't do," said the' marshall.—
"He's to fat and wheezy; hecan't - march."
"Cannot you take him just for Me ?"
said the lawyer." •
"No," said the. marshall, "it's no „use
I don't want him." This was just what
the Lawyer wanted.. .
"He won't do eh?"
`No he won't said the marshall.
"Well, then, scratch his name off the
list, for he is drafted, and. came here with
me to he exempted." •
The marshal saw they lad proved too
much for him, and Without another vord
ordered the man's exemption papers.,
What was His other Name.
I r,,A.s:Artemus Ward was once taveling
in the cars, dreading to be bored, and
feeling miserable, a man approached him,
sat down and said: ,
• "Did you hear that last thing on Hor 7
ace Greely ?"
“Greely ? ,Greely?" Said Artemui,
"Horace Greely ? Who is,he ?"'
The man was quiet aliciuf five minutes.
Pretty soon he Said:
"George Francis Train is kicking up a
good deal of a . row over in Englapd, do
you think sir, that they will put him in a
• • • ••• •
bas tile ?" • _
"Train Train, George Fi'aneili Train,"
said Artemus, solemnly; "Lnever heard
of him." •
This ignorance kept the man quiet for
fifPen minutes then he said:
"What do you think About Gen. ,Grant's
chances for the-presidency. , Do you think
they will run him ?
"Grant, Grant hang it, ruan," s.aid
temus; "Yon ;appear to•' knoWmore stran
gers• than any man I-ever saw." •
The man was furious.; he walked up
and down the car, but at last came back
and said:
"You confounded igriora.mus; - did: you
ever hear oftAdtim ?"‘
Artemus looked up stud said:,
"What was his other name?"
Janeiro has a compulsory educa
T . he . report that Governor
. Se7ard is
ilAri g aciuAy ill is untrue.
Subgerilielby:the"Rtcoittk i ! Zt • 1
, -",,.1 ~... , •
U 7 nsein ". tltlir of raised; -fifteen
pint:mai , ' Dttli*iehonli. •
ho stu