• „. . . , 7 , • • • S' • 7 .45, 4 ,3 . „.. •• .1 . • „ • • „ 1 1 1 I. I • •' • • • • 7 • •.. . ..•. BY - W. BLAIR. VOLUME 24. THE WAYNESBORO' VILLAGE — RECORD PUBLISHED EVERY THURSDAY, Dlowince • • By',W.. BLAIR" TERMS—Two Dollars per Annuin if paid• within the year; Two Dollars and • Fifty cents after the expiration of the year. ' VERTISEMENTS—One Square (10 lines) three insertions, $1,50 ; for each subsequent insertion, Thir , Jive Cents per Square. A liberal discount made to yearly adver tisers. ALS.-13u.s; - is Ten Cents per Building J'OSM?I-1' ATTORNEY AT LAW. MrAYNESI3OI{O', PA. .Practices in the several Courts of Franklin ..tad adjacent Counties. N. B.—Real Estate leased and sold, and ',Fire Insurance effected on reasonable terms. December 10, 1371. M.. A. STOTJFP.MR, DENTIST. Experienced in Dentistry, will insert you -sets of Teeth at prices to suit the times. Feb. 16, 1871. BIFI., k., Hi., STRICALEIity (FORMERLY OF MEIICERSRURG, PA.,) OFFERS his Professional services to the citizens of Waynesboro' and vicinity. Da. STRICKLER has relinquished an exten sive practice at Mercersburg, Ints been prominently engaged for I. e. • a years in the practice of his profession. He has opened an Otlice in Waynesboro', at the residence of lieorge Besore, Esq., iis Father-in-law, where he can be found at 1 times when not professionally engaged. July '2O, 1871.-tf. • A. K. BRANISHOL 5, RESIDENT DENTIS ~~~: WAYNESBORO', PA., Can be found at all times at his office where ho is prepared to insert teeth on the best basis in use and at prices to suit the times. eeth extracted, without pain by the use of uloroforin, eather, nitrous oxid egas or the /reezing process, in a manner surpassed by none. We the undersigned being acquainted with A. K. l3ranisliolts for the past year, can rec ommend him to the public generally fo be a Dentin well qualified to perform all ope rations belonging to Dentistry in the most skillful manner. Drs. J. B. AMBERSON, I. N. SNIVELY, E. A. lIEHRINcir, J: M. RIPPLE, J. J. OELLIG, A. S. BONBRAKE, T. D. FRENCH. Sept 29tf] C_ A_ S_ W 0 I_l F', DEALER IN VAT 011 E S4tED JZWE LET, 883 Wrsr BALTIMORE STREET, BALTIMORE, MD. :AWatches Repaired and Warranted. - S2 ra - Jewelry Made and Repaired:9sa July 13, 1871.-tf. BARBERING! THE subscriber informs the public that he continues the Barbering business in the room next door to Mr. Reid's Grocery Store, and is at all times prepared to do hair cut ting, shaving,s hampooning etc. in the best style. The patronage of the public is respect fully solicited- Aug 23 1871. (CUOLERA. MLDICII E'. WICKEY'S eelebrated Cholera Med i" -ieine prepared by Davin M. HOOVER of Itinggold, .51d., can be had during the sea son at F. FOURTIMAN'S Drug Store, and of dealers generally. Pavelling Agent, 2.7, '7l-61n IkIYERS. HAD AND HERRING.—Mess. Shad and 2otniaae Herrin in bbls. for sale by W. A. REID. . . . GREENCASTLE, PI W. A. PRICE *citti otirg. HOME. That is not honie, where day by day, I wear the busy hours away. • • That is not home, where lonely night Prepare me for the toils of light. 'Tis hope, and joy' and memory, give, A home in which the heart can live. These walls no lingering hopes endear; No fond remembranceclaims rile here. I heave the lonely Sigh , Itell thee why? thou art is home to me, without thee cannot be. who strangely love to roam, n wildest hauntstheir home. in halls of lordly state, ire homeless, desolate. or's home is tented plain ; • • on the stormy main ; m's in her bower of rest, ..'s, on his mother's breast. T thou art is home to me, vithout thee cannot be. no home in halls of pride : too high, and cold and wide is by the wanderer found : in place—it hath no bound, !ling atmosphere, all the heart holds dear ; , trange_attractive_force, the feelings in their course ience undefined, ing the conscious mind, and Duty sweetly blend, ate the name of Friend. 'iou art is home to me. ' thee-earmot-lA--- orgive the anxious sigh— mome )y, that life is fleeting fast, h with us will soon be pasi, will Time, consenting, give in which my heart can live? _ the past and future meet. And o'er our couch, in union sweet, Extend their cherub wings, and show'r Bright influence on the present hour. Oh, when shall Israel's mystic guide, The pillar'd cloud, our steps decide, Then testing, spread its guardian shade To bless the home which Love has made? Daily, my love, shall thence arise Our united sacrifice ; And home indeed a home will be, Thus consecrate and shared with thee alliacellancous caking. A PERFECT CURE. A contributor tells an exchange how he was permanently cured of fits. He was riding in the mining district of Neva da—one of those mushroom kind of growths common in the territories—when night came upon him. Tired and hun gry, he drew up at a greisy, dirty shanty which was called a tavern, and sought accommodations. He thus details his night's experience : The landlord could only give me a room with a bed-fellow. "Very well, I don't object," said I, as he led the way by the light of a misera ble tallbw dip, which he left with me to light me to bed. I s.irveyed the room, and particularly my bed-fellow. lie was a mild looking 'man. I thought—perhaps a class-lead er in some primitive log church near by. llis repose was so quiet and child-like that I thought we would sleep peacefully together for the night ; but before I had blown the candle out he opened a snore that seemed like a cross between filing a saw and sawing a board, and my feel ings at once became malicious toward him. I blew out the light and turned in, and still the snore continued. The moon had risen making every object in the room visible I hunched lay friend, and as he opened h:s eyes with a snap, he said : "By jingo ! how you scared the, Mis ter ! You going to sleep here to-night ?" "Yes." "Well, I'm mighty glad of it. I al ways like company. It's kinder lone some to sleep alone." "Yes, it is so. Pardon me for waking you, but I thought it my duty to tell you that I sometimes take fits.' "What, fits? Yon don't say so, Mis ter !" "Yes I do. lam not particularly dan gerous, but I bite sometimes ; so be care ful that I don't get my teeth into you." "Well, I'll be doggoned 1 I hope you won't have any fits." "So do I." hope, Mister, you won't bite me if you do have any fits ?" "0, I hope not." He drew a long breath, then said : "Well, I'm afraid I won't . sleep any to, flight." "0, don't lose any sleep." "But how am I to know when you are going to have fits?" "0, I groan, and breathe hard, and foam at the mouth ; and, when you hear me snap my teeth like a dog, then you had better look out." "Well, I'm blamed if I ain't sorry, Mister, you come in here. I'm afraid you'll he more company than I want." ' "0, don't be uneasy ; I sometimes don't have any for months. Let's go to sleep ;" and I pretended to drop off inqo peaceful slumber. My companion rolled and tumbled un easy for some time, then dropped off in to a restless sleep, and soon commenced that old snore just where he left off' when I woke him up. That decided me upon A FAMILY NEWSPAPER-DEVOTED TO LITERATURE, LOCAL AND GENERAL NEWS. ETC. WAYNESBORO', FRANKLIN COUNTY, PA., THURSDAY, JANU.ARY 11, 1872. having a fit, and with' a fearful, and a horrible groaning, I set My nails into his arms, and my teeth into . his' shoulder, just hard enough to nip nicely, but it Yr as just enough. fox the purpose. With a terrible ; yell he sprang from the bed, and went flying down stairs .exclaiming : "Oh, dear, he's got fit's, he's got' ts ! He's bit a piece out of shoulder !" The landlord, with a crowd from the bar-room, came hurrying up, and found me just recovering from the effects of a fit; and giving me a hot toddy from his own private bottle, he left me. Ile carri ed with him the clothing of my bed-fel low, who had turned in on ablanket down stairs, resolved to be bitten no more by men having fits. It was delicious to have the whole bed to myself, and I luxuriated in it by stretching myself entirely across it. I had soon dropped into a slumber, peace ful and innocent as my childhood, when I was aroused by some one roughly shak ing my shoulder and saying : 'Wake up, stranger, and move over.-- Half thi be _' - " I opened my eyes on a six-foot team ster, 'oho was pulling off his rough boots. A rough looking specimen he was ; but he annoyed me most by taking up 'two thirds of the bed, and crowding me to the wall. I concluded to try another fit, and said : • "My friend!" 'Oh ! shut up your trap, I'm sleepy." " t_l_thought-1 2 4-411—yoa—that=1- have fits." "Well, fit away, so you don't wake me." "But I bite when I have them." "Weil, bite the bed-post, then." Now, this ought to have• convinced me that he was the wrong customer, but, it . • ' • • I (r -ttial-i-Ele—WaS---Kalii asleep, like a fool, 1. buckled in, ,and set my teeth and nails into him in splendid style, while I. began to groan feariully.— It was the best fit I' ever had, a per fect success on my part ; but the way that chap jumped out of bed and mauled me around the room was the most per fect success in pugilistic treat me n t ever experienced. He brought me out of that tit, though. He cured me eom pletely of it. I don't think I'll ever have another ; but I didn't like his medicine. My eyes all blacked up, my nose blood, ied, lip split open, oneear flattened to my head. my shirt front all torn off, and to make the matter worse, the fellow was a sleep in live . minutes after, as though nothing had happened. The next morning I went down late to breakfast, and allcrowded around to see the man who had fits, - and to tell rue that my horse was stolen. The mild-looking man, my first bed-fellow, had gone off with him. At a railroad station, not long ago, one of the beautiful lessons which all should learn was taught in such a natural, simple way, that none could forget it. It was a bleak, snowy day ; the train was late, the ladies' room dark and smoky, and the do zed women, old and young, who sat wait ing impatiently, looking cross, and low spirited, or stupid. Just then a forlorn old woman, shak ing with the palsy, came iu with a basket of little wares for sale, and went about mutely offering-them to the sitters. No, body bought anything, and the poor old soul stood blinking at the door a minute, as if relucting to go out in the storm a gain. She turned presently, and poked about the room as if trying to find some thing, and then a pale lady in black, who lay as if asleep on a sofa, opened her eyes saw' the old woman, and instantly asked in a kind tone, "Have you lost anything, ma'am l" "No, dear. I'm looking for the heat in' place, to have a warm 'fore Igo out • to'n My eyes are poor, and I don't seem 4, to find the furnace nowhere." "Here it is ;" and the lady led her to the steam radiator, placed a chair, and showed her how to warm her feet. "Well, now, ain't that nice ?" said the old woman, spreading her ragged mittens to dry. ."Thankee, dear ; this is proper comfortable, ain't it? I'm most froze to death to-day, beingame and aching, and not selling much made me sort of down hearted." The lady smiled, went to the counter, bought a cup of tea and some sort of food, carried it to the old woman, and said, as respectfully and kind as if the poor soul had been drssed in silk and fur, "Won't you have a cup of hot tea ? It's very com forting such a day as this." "Sakes alive ! Do they give tea at this depot ?" cried the oldi lady in a tone of innocent surprise, that made a smile go round the room, touching the glummest face like a streak of sunshine. "Well, now, this is just lovely," added the old lady, sipping away with a relish. "That does warm my heart." While she refreshed herself, telling her story - meanwhile, the lady looked over the poor little wares in the basket,bought soap, pins shoe-strings, and cheered the old soul by paying for them. As I watched her doing this I thought what.a sweet face she ha, thought I'd considered her rather plain before. I felt dreadfully ashamed of myself that I had grimly shaken my head when the basket was offered to me, and, as I saw a look of interest, sympathy and kindness come into the faces around me, I did wish that I had been the magician to call it out.— It was only a kind word and a friendly act; but somehow it brightened that dingy room wonderfully. It changed the faces of a dozen women ; and I think it touch ed a dozen hearts, for I saw my eyes fol low the plain, pale lady with sudden res pect; and when the old woman, with many thanks got up , to go, several persons beck oned to her and' bought something, as if they wanted to repair their negligence. A Little Sermon. There were no gentleman present to be impressed by the lady's kind act, so it was not done for effect, and no possible reward could be received for it,except the thanks of a poor old woman. But the simple little charity was as good as a ser mon, and I think each traveler went on her way better for that half hour in the dreary station.—S. S. Worknuzn. A Persevering Chap. Some years since there resided in Wash ington, a very lovely girl, who Wished to marry a young man named Robert —, „an engagement having been' recently en tered into between them, of that effect. Her father, however, objected to this match with one of his clerks, and when the lady received a tempting , proposal frOm a wealthy suitor, the paternal influ ence soon effected a marriage despite the previous engagement. In less than three months her husband was killed• by a kick from a horse. . Robert was a second time a suitor, but delayed the important ques tion until fifteen months had elapsed,when, to his horror, she 1 •• • ••• • • • • was engaged. In three month thereafter she was married. Two years elapsed, when the marrid couple removed to Syracuse, N. Y., where, among the victims of the cholera, when the pestilence swept that city, was the second taken. Robert again sought her hand, and when a year had e lapsed, was on the eve of a declaration,. when lo ! he received an invitation to her vedding-I—Heate-h-us.band2s-busittess was found in such a state that to avoid immense losses, she removed with her third husband to Detroit, Michigan. A few years elapsed, when herself and hus band-were-on-a-steamer-that-was-recked- near Buffalo. The husband perished, and ped solely-through-the-ex_m_•,.- tion of a friend who was on board. His gallantry inspired such sentiments in her breast, that she married her brave pre server a few months after her third wid owhood. The happy pair removed to Pitts burg, where her husband was engaged in the mercantile business. Thither Robert, still cherishing his first love, fbllowed them. One day as he was passing the door of the husband's store, he saw a ter rible commotion, Rushing in, he beheld a mangled corpse of that gentleman on the floor. A tierce of rice being hoisted to the upper story had falling through the traps, killing him instantly. • Anxious Robert inquired if any one had been sent to inform his wife, and was told that the hook-keeper had just gone. Robert star ted for Allegheny city, when the deceas ed resided, at the top of his speed. The book-keeper was just ahead of him, and from past experiences knowing the virtue of prompt action and apprehending that the clerk had designs on the widow, he ran for dear life, side by side. The race continued until they reachedlland street bridge, when the clerk was obliged to stop to pay the toll, while Robert, a commu ter, passed over without stopping. Reich- the house of the widow first, Robert told the heartrending news, and almost in the same breath made a. proposition of, marriage. He was accepted. True to her promise, after a year of mourning she be came his wife. As all her husbands had died wealthy, Robert was comfortably fixed, after all. This case is a remarkable example of what 'pluck and perseverance.; will do for a man, while-at the same time it teaches a lesson on the danger of delay. Story of a Hotel Bill. We find this amusing story in the New York correspondence of the Boston Her ald : We are all familiar with the frequent extortions practiced by hotel keepers in this country, upon those of their patrons who, it is supposed, will endure anything. Not long ago, a young lady who had come here from New England with her mother, with the view of taking lessons in music, went to one of the uptown houses to stay for a week or two, until she could board in a private family. The morning she was to leave she Went for the bill for her self and mother, a lady of nearly sixty, who occupied a room, No. 45, adjoining that of her daughter. Miss —was amaz ed to find that her bill amounted to $175, because she knew itought not to be more than $6O or $7O at the outside. As no times were given, she returned the account to the office with the request that the i tems should be inserted. The bill went back with two or three specifications, and "sundries" set down at $7O. Once more she returned the bill, demanding to know what the "sundries" might he. The clerk explained through the servant that "sun dries" was the polite term for "drinks," which so enraged the young lady that she demanded to see the extraordinary ac countant unperson. He made himself vis ible in due season, and the delicate spirit ual looking girl confronted him by ask ing if he supposed she had drank in eight or nine days $7O worth of liquor. As may be imagined, he was somewhat abashed, and said with confusion : "I beg pardon, Miss ;itis a mere clerical error. This is 44 ; the drinks should have been charged to 45—the next door, you see—a room occupied by an old fellow who drinks like a fish." "Permit me to introduce to you the old fellow," replied. Miss —, push ing open the door standing ajar, and re vealing to his confounded gaze one of the gentlest and saintliest-looking old ladies he had ever beheld. The clerk said noth ing, but dashed down the stairs, and in a minute a receipted bill was once more 1:e -turned, with the ,'sundries" omitted. While there is much misery and sin in the world, a man has no right to lull himself to sleep in a paradise of self im provement and self-enjoyment, in which there is but one supreme Adam; one per fect specimen of humanity—namely, him self He ought to go o'ut and work— fight, fight if it most be, whatever duty calls him. A Good Action, Repaid, Nearly half a century ago, long before railroads were invented, a stage-coach us ed to run every day betwecaGlesgow and Greenoch, in Scotland. One day a lady who was traviling in this coach, "noticed a boy traveling barefooted, and looking very tired as he struggled to get along.— She asked the coachman to take him up and give him a seat, and she would pay for it. When they arrived at the inn at Green och, which was a seaport town, she asked the boy what he came there for. He said he wished to be a sailor, and hoped some of the captains would engage him. She gave him a crown, wished him sccess, and told him to be a good boy, and try to love and serve God. After this, twenty years passed away. One afternoon the coach alongwas _going the same road, returning to Glasgow. A mong the passengers was a sea captain. When they reached about the same spot, just above referred to, the captain observ ed an old lady on the road, walking_very -nd-looking-vcry tired-anthweary, He asked the driver to put her in the coach as there was an empty seat, and he would pay for her. Shortly after, as they were changing horses, all the passengers got_ out except the captain .and old lady. As they were alone the lady thanked the captain for his kindness, in giving her a seat, as she was unable to pay for one. He said he always felt a pity for poor, 4", re twenty years—ago when he was a boy, traveling on foot near this place, some kind-hearted woman or dered the coachman to take me up, and aid for his seat. "I remember that very well, said she, for I am that ]ady ; but my ,condition is very rouec well off, but noiv I am reduced to pover ty by the bad conduct of a prodigal son. Then the captain shook hands with her, and said how glad he was to see her. I have been very successful, said he, and am now going home to live on my for tune ;—and now my good friend I will set, 25 pounds that is 025—upon you every year as long as you live. God paid her back again more than a hundred fold, what she gave it pity to that poor boy : —Dr. _Newton's "Best Loan." Would You ? Would you keep your rosy complexion, wear thick-soled shoes. Would you enjoy quiet content, do a way with airs and pretense. Would you have others respect your opinions, respect and never disown them yourself. Would you marry and be happy, to an ounce of love add at least a grain of good sense and judgment, in choosing a com panion. Would you have good health, go out in the sunshine. Sickness is worse than freckles. Would you respect yourself, keep your heart and body clean. • Would you retain the love of a friend, do:not be selfishly exacting. Would you gain the confidence of bus iness men, do not try to support the style of your employer, on a small salary. • Would you never dread to look any one in the face, pay your debts. IVould you never be told a lie,do not ask personal questions. 'Would you sleep well and have a good tippetite, attend to your own business. Would you command the respect of men, never permit yourself to indulge in vulgar jokes or.conversation. - Would you save yourself annoyance, do not stir up a dirty lot of scandal. Would you deserve the name of lady, never, either to men or women, descend to obsenity or low illusions. To your face they may laugh at your wit, but to others they will speak disrespectfully of you.— Elm Orlou. An Astonished Conductor. "Get aboard, old limpy," said a pert conductor to an aged, plainly-dressed man, standing on the platform, waiting for the 'signal to depart ; "get a-board, old limpy or you'll get left." At the signal, the old gentleman qui etly stepped aboard and took a seat by himself. When the conductor, in taking up the tickets, came to him and demand ed, his fare, he replied : "I do not pay fare on this' road." • "Then I will• put you off at the next station." The conductor passed on, and a passenger, who had seen the transaction said to him : "Did you know that old gentleman ?" "No, I did not." "Well, it, is Mr.--, the President of this road." The_ conductor changed color, and bit his lips, but went on and Blushed taking up the tickets. As soon as he had done he returned to "old limpy," and - said: "Sir, I resign my station as conduc tor." "Sit down here, young man. Ido not wish to harm you; but we run this road for profit and to accommodate the pub lie, and we make it an invariable rule to treat every person with perfect civility, whatever garb he wears, or whatever in firmity he suffered. This rule is imperi ous upon every one of our eniployees.— I shall not remove you for what you have done, but it must not be repeated a ny more." That conductor afterward never saw among his passengers another ."old A negro boy of eight, has a picture prim mer to teach him his letters. One of the pictures is that of a bull chasing a boy, which the little darkey watches from day to day, gleefully exclaiming :* :'He hasn't cotched him yet?' .11.1sronrc P.EraAsEs.Samuel Adamss known for many things, seldom had hi name associated with the phrase first ap plied by him to England—" Nation of . shopkeepers." Franklin has said many things that have' passed into maxims, but nothing that is better known and remembered than "he hati paid too dear for his whis tle." Washington made but few, epigram matic speeches. Here is one: "To be pre pared for war is the most effectual means of preserving peace." . Old John Dicksnson wrote of ameri cans in 1778: "By uniting we stand, by dividing we fall." Patrick Henry, as every school-boy knows, gave us: Give me liberty or give me death," and "If this be treason, make the most of it Thomas Pane had many quotable epi grammatic sentences: "Rose like a rock et, fell like a stick;" "Times that try men's souls;" "One step from the sub- lime to the ridiculous," etc. . - however we shall be called on to make our exit, we will die freeman." Henry Lee gave Washington his im mortal title; "First in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his country- Charles Cotesworth Pinckney declared in favor of "Millions for defense, but not one cent for tribute." "PeacAlrifive-ean T firreibly-i-f-we-nals ," is from Josiah Quincy, 1811. Andrew Jackson gave us, "The Unibn —it-must be preserved." —A—WiFE's—Comat-mi-ENTs;---Tito sb al t - haw — n o — oth or — wife — but — me; — nor 4 I Al I M1N•104241 women Thou shalt not take unto thy house any beautiful, sly, brazen linage of a servant girl to make love to when my back is turned, for I am a jealous wife. Honor thy wife's father and mother— wear a smile when they meet thee. Thou shalt not be behind thy neigh bor, but outshine, him in dressing thy wife and babies. Thou shalt let thy wife have the last word in every row. Thou shalt not get drnak, nor go to bed with thy boots on.. Thou shalt not say nice words to oth er ladies in my presence, nor praise them in our privacy—remember I .a,m a jealous wife. Thou shalt not stay out, after nine o'- clock at night; nor snore at my side, nor kick in my sleep. - Remember, oh thou Benedict, these commandments and keep them holy, for they are the law and gospel. GREAT MEN.—There are no "mute Milton's." If a man has something to say he will evitably say it. It is one of the pleasantest self-delusions to imagine that• we might have been this or that had. cir cumstances been kinder. The truth' is that the man with the right stuff in him makes his own circumstances. He does not sit down at'the feet of Destiny ; he gets up and elbows her out of his way.— Very few of the world's great men have been born with, so to say, a gold spoon in their mouths. They have come up from toil, from penury, and become kings and princes among . men by the sheer force of soul that was in 'them. If there be a bu nion soul ofany true and great power it will find expression. If we are weak and in firm of _purpose and unsuccessful, we may be sure that it was not in use to do' any thing else. FATHERS, A THOUGHT FOR. You.— "What will you take to , drink ?" asked a waiter of a young lad, who for the first time accompanied his father 'to a public dinner. Uncertain what to say—feeling sure he could not be wrong if he followed his fathers example, he replied, "I'll take what father takes." The answer reached the father's ear, and instantly the full responsibility of his position flashed upon him. And the fa ther shuddered at the history of several young men, once-,as promising as his own bright lad, and ruined by drink, : started up is solemn warning before him. Rapidly these thoughts 'went through his mind. "If the boy falls, he will have me to blame ;" and. then in tones . tremu lous with emotion, • and to the astonish ment of those who knew him, he said : "Waiter I'll take water;" and from that day to this, strong drink has beet banished 'from that man's house. Profanity never did any may the least good. No man is richer, or happier, or wiser for it. It commends no one to so ciety ; it is disgusting to the refined, and abominable to the good. 6 ne watch set right will do to try many by ; but on the other hand, one that goes wrong may be the means of misleading a whole neighborhood. And the same ,my be said of example. Never stand aside for trifles. Let them do that to honor you We should give as we receive—l-checr fully, quickly, and without hesitation, for there is no grace in a benefit tiiat sticks to the fingers. True religion shows its influence in ev ery part of our conduct, it is like the sap of a living tree, which penetrates the dis tant boughs. A Party of Forte Wayne young 'gen-, tleman dined sumptously at a restaurant; and each one insisted on paying the - bill to decide the matter it was proposed to blindfold the waiter, and the first one he caught should pay the. bill. He hasn't ca ught any yet,. 52,00 PER YEAR ~IUi~ I: X4'4l tf i o;ft' (twt ,a . na The book to which reference is 'most frequently made— the pocket-booki Why isthe road of transg,ressois so kgd? —Because it is so much traveled. - Why should young ladies set good ea• amples. Because young men are apt to follow them. Should you feel inclined 'to censure Faults you may in others view, Ask your own life, ere you venture If that has not failings too. To converse with the spirits—Lay a sixpence on the table at a grog-shop, and they'll show themselves quicker than you can say beaus. A brick fell from &scaffold, on the head of a passing negro. "Fring dem dare pea nut ' , hell another way, won't yet." was the darkey's advice, as he scratched his Mr. Garver, doing the honors of the ta ble, said to one of the guests, a fashiona ble dressed girl of the period, "I see the t you have plenty of breast, Miss, but do have a littlo more dressing 1" FOND MOTBER.—"Come here, my son, and hand me that strap. It hurts me ver , much to whit ou." Young hope ful—"No, it don't • urt you la so runc as it does me ; if it dill you wouldn't do it so often, too; now." in. societ at Covina- ton,_Ga.,_lately_considere dous question, which is_ the more useful, paper or gun-power was for a long time in great doubt as to which side had produced the strongest ar • gament, when one of the powder. 'side a rose and very aravely said: "Mr. Presi dent: 'spose dar was a bar oat at the door, and you was to go dar and shake - the pa per at him, you'd see what de bar would do. But jes shoot a cannon at him and mark de result. I calls for de : question. 7 The President forthwith decided the favor of powder. Rev. Cllr. had traveled far to preach to a congregation After the sermon he waited very patiently; evi dently expecting some of his brethren to invite him to dinner. In thin he was dis appointed, One after another departed until the church was almost as empty, as the minister's stomach. 'Summoning res solution, however, he walked up to aUtl derly geutleman! and gravely said:. you go home to dinner : with me to-day W brother ?" "here, do you live ?" "A bout twenty milelliom this, sir." "No," said the man, coloring, "btu you must go with me." "Thank you- 7 I will cheer fully." After that-time the minister was no more troubled about kis dinner. In 1873 a fat man rushed into the of fice of a well-known New Hampshire law yer, and told him he was'drafted. ' "The duce you arel" said the lawyer, 41 must be a strong man that could 'draft a man of your size.?' "Well. .I an drafted, and want you to get,rue ofr, I will pay you well for it. "Very well;" and they proceeded to the office of the provost marshall. "Here, said the lawyer, I've got a sub stitute," "He won't do," said the' marshall.— "He's to fat and wheezy; hecan't - march." "Cannot you take him just for Me ?" said the lawyer." • "No," said the. marshall, "it's no „use I don't want him." This was just what the Lawyer wanted.. . "He won't do eh?" `No he won't said the marshall. "Well, then, scratch his name off the list, for he is drafted, and. came here with me to he exempted." • The marshal saw they lad proved too much for him, and Without another vord ordered the man's exemption papers., What was His other Name. I r,,A.s:Artemus Ward was once taveling in the cars, dreading to be bored, and feeling miserable, a man approached him, sat down and said: , • "Did you hear that last thing on Hor 7 ace Greely ?" “Greely ? ,Greely?" Said Artemui, "Horace Greely ? Who is,he ?"' The man was quiet aliciuf five minutes. Pretty soon he Said: "George Francis Train is kicking up a good deal of a . row over in Englapd, do you think sir, that they will put him in a • • • ••• • bas tile ?" • _ "Train Train, George Fi'aneili Train," said Artemus, solemnly; "Lnever heard of him." • • This ignorance kept the man quiet for fifPen minutes then he said: "What do you think About Gen. ,Grant's chances for the-presidency. , Do you think they will run him ? "Grant, Grant hang it, ruan," s.aid temus; "Yon ;appear to•' knoWmore stran gers• than any man I-ever saw." • The man was furious.; he walked up and down the car, but at last came back and said: "You confounded igriora.mus; - did: you ever hear oftAdtim ?"‘ Artemus looked up stud said:, "What was his other name?" Janeiro has a compulsory educa tion T . he . report that Governor . Se7ard is ilAri g aciuAy ill is untrue. . Subgerilielby:the"Rtcoittk i ! Zt • 1 , -",,.1 ~... , • U 7 nsein ". tltlir of raised; -fifteen pint:mai , ' Dttli*iehonli. • ho stu
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers