GRIM STORY Oh MISSIUNAIIl KNEW WHEN TO QUIT. Centre Street at Elm, Rousing Values uary Clearance Sale. Two elements must enter into every sale to make it a rous- a iWrnVil D-nnds of dpnendable QUalitV and prices decisively less than regular so as your advantage to purchase. And these elements are particu larly prominent in this sale. The values are absolutely the very greatest of the present season. Do you wonder then that shrewd buyers have attended in throngs and bought liberally! The stern necessity of the "Winter stocks is the sole reason valno vshinh mips hprft nnw. Clearance must be accomplished K MV II Mv wvv - in the shortest possible time. It Will Be Worth a Special Trip To take advantage ot the tiny clearance prices now ruling throughout this store. Worth filling household and appareling needs lor months to come, when values are so extraordinary as during this period of price cutting. And the Trip Won't Cost You a. Cent. On purchases amounting to $10 or over, we'll pay your car-fare one way on purchases of $20 or more we'll 6tand for the round trip ticket. You'll Hsvve Nothing to Lose, And everything to gain, by an early visit to our store. There is no Wall Street in France, for Every body has a SAVINGS ACCOUNT. Every street is a Wall Street. Four Per Cent, on Your Savings. Oil City Trust Company Oil City, Pa. Out-Romancing Romance. The diver prowls over the ocean bed bearing a water-tight searchlight and a water gun, one shot from which will blow the liver out of an octopus. His helmet telephone (more con Tenlent and clear than yours) keeps him In constant communication with the surface and directs his boat. Science has equipped him with a kit of deep-sea tools, operated by pneumatic pressure, with which he can accomplish prodigious amounts of work. Altogether, he has a very com fortable and Interesting time of It. And to think that Jules Verne was considered a hair-brained dreamer! Unimaginative romance! How weak and short are threads of your fancy. Woman's World. What They Both Said. Horace Greeley once wrote a note to a brother editor In New York, .Whose writing was as Illegible as his Dwn. The recipient of the note, not being able to read It, sent It back by the same messenger to Mr. Greeley (or elucidation. Supposing It to be the answer to his own note, Mr. Greeley looked over It, but likewise was un able to read It, and said to the boy: "Go take It back. What does the lamned fool mean?" "Yes, sir," said Ihe boy; C'tbat is just what he says." Well Supplied. Beggar Please, mister, give me a lime for my three hungry children. Pedestrian (hurrying on) Don't seed any more, thank vou. Simple and 8cant. "She wore no Jewels save the sin gle splendid ruby set In her betrothal ring anything more would have made her seem overdressed." From "A Weaver of Dreams." ' Strange. One of the strangest things in this world is why the kind of woman who Is proud of her Intellectuality nearly always marries a man who likes to tinker with sick chickens. Galveston pews. Oil City, Ta. in This Jan to convince you that it is to immediate clearance of our for the reckless disregard lor a 8WEET OF HIM. "How old do you think I am?" she asked. "I haven't ever tried to guess," he gallantly replied, "but you don't look It by at least five years." A Word of Caution. Though spurred by an ambition That naught may atop or tire. My son, It'a not your million To aet the world on fire. Splendid Uick. "Did you have any luck when you were out hunting yesterday?" "Yes, great." "What did you kill?" "Nothing; but I shot six times with out hitting either myself or the man who was with me." The Test. "Is this proposition of yours for i chicken farm for fair?" "No, I should say It Is for fowl." For Perfect Peace. Nothing can bring peace but your self. Nothing can bring you peace but the triumph of principles. Emer son. He Is Immune. The curious thing Is why the hook worm never seems to attack the mid dleman. St. Louis Post-Dispatch. Converted Dyak, Forced by Sweet heart to Hunt Heads, Brought Those of Her Relatives. The missionary lifted a fresh ci gar. "yes." he said, "I have seen grim happenings in my time. The grin, meat, I suppose, occurred among the Dyak head hunters. "We had converted a young Dyak. and the lad had abandoned head bunting forever. Hut he met a girl, a beautiful girl, and then" The missionary shook his head and sighed. "The girl listened to his wooing, for he was a handsome lad, but smoked heads to a Dyak maid are what jewel? are t0 a ci,orug giri, Bnd with a curl of the lip she said: '"J" w, you love me, but you bring me no heads to prove It.' " 'But I am a Christian,' he replied. "'When did a Dyak wooer ever go a-wooing witholit heads?' said she. 'You are not a man; you are a girl! "The young convert ground his teeth and left her. The next morning early he staggered Into her presence with bloodshot eyes. There was a bag on hls Bh0uider. '"You asked for heads,' he said. 'Look!' , "And he emptied from the bag onto the floor the heads of her father and her two brothers!" The missionary smiled sadly. "That wasn't playing the game," he said. "It's the heads of enemies thnt the head hunter must bring In. not the heads of one's own brother tribes men. They shut the young convert In n slatted cage of bamboo to starve to death. He died under his sweet heart's eye." CALLED HER HIS ANGEL PIE Negro Cook Didn't Permit Use Such Language to Her, Espe cially Over Phone. of The telephone bell rang yesterday afternoon In a South Side apartment. The negro woman cook answered It. "Hello," she said. "Is that you, cookie?" asked a man's voice at the other end. "I'm Mr. B 's cook, but I ain't no cookie." "Don't try to fool me, cookie. I know your voice. "Look heah, what you talkln' about?" Now, angel pie, you fooled me once, dear heart, that way, but you can't do It again. You are by little sweet cookie, aren't you?" "You get away from that telephone. You ahe talkln' like a fool." With that the receiver was slammed on the hook with all the virtuous in. dignatlon of an Insulted maiden. The head of the house was stand' Ing near. Turning to him she said still fuming: "Some man wanted to know ef 1 wuz 'cookie.' An' he called me some thin' like 'angel pie.' I don' let no man call me tlieni names specially oveh the telephone," Kansas City Star. Primogeniture. The law of primogeniture sende back Its roots to the most ancient times. Away back in the patriarchal ages the first-born son had a superi ority over all his brethren, and In the absence of his father was in every Important sense the head of the house. Upon the death of the father he be came, by the unwritten law, which could not be questioned, the priest and lord of the family, and naturally to him fell the property as well as the honors of the household. Primogeni ture, wherever It is found today, Is the lingering remnant of the anciont custom a custom which common sense and Justice pronounce to be as unfair as It Is superstitious. Mere Details. A writer was describing a forth coming work of his. He spoke most enthusiastically of the progress he had made on it The Idea, he said, was clear In his mind clear as crystal. All the situa tions were sketched out, everything mat was to happen in each chapter decided upon. Why, even the titles of the chapters were written! Just ns he was riding astride thr high-water mark of his enthusiasm one of those clammy, literal friends that al! men have suddenly remarked: "I see. You have everything about that novel completed except the writ ing and the selling of it." Irreverence. You know how it is when a man grows fat and the rolls or fat at the back of his neck are sort of piled one above the other, until stopped by the base of his skull. Well, a man with the rear of his neck disposed that way was sitting at the theater one evening in a seat just In front of one who isn't reverent. The latter contemplated the exuber ant layers of flesh surmounting the fat man's collar. Then, pointing to them, he remarked, sotto voce, to the companion beside him: "Look at the plate of buckwheat cakes!" Circuitous Retribution. "Did you help elect that man be sause of his personal popularity?" "No." replied Farmer Corntosspl. I had my suspicions or him ror n 'ong time and wanted to shove him liong lo where the muckrakers could ?et i good go at him." Washington Star Humps and Mumps. A hump-backed woman was passing when a little five-year-old, with a pity ing look, said: "What's the matter with the lady, mamma? Has she got the mumos in her back?" Philadel phia Record. No Soft Winter. "It's going to be a hard winter," said Mr. Growcher. "I hope so," re plied the cheery citizen. "Let it freeze up and stay that way. I have no use for one of these musjby, thawing win ters." r A delegation of three entered ti office of the young and rising lawyer. and the spokesman laid a box of ci gars on the table and stepped back and said t "The Quill club, of whloh you are a member, desires to present Its com pllments." "But I I stammered tbt law- rer. "You made a sosecb at the olub last night?" "But, you see " "It was a speech on Washington.' "But but " "You arose and said that George Washington was a great man. "And then I broke down and could say. no more." That's why the club presents you these cigars because you anew enough to break down when you had said enough." BOARD AND LODGING. Poet I lived three weeks on that last poem of mine. Artist Then the editor took UT Poet Oh, no; but he threw ni down six flights ot stairs and I was tn the hospital three weeks. Mary's Luck. Uary went to cook school. She thoueht It limply rat: She made her pa a blicutt ones Now he haa a paper weight. They All Do. First Author Has Scribbler return ed from abroad? Second Author Yes. While) there be was Introduced to the Czar and had a three minutes' talk with him. First Author What Is ho doing since he got back? Second Author He's at work now en a three volume work on 'The Nich olas I Knew." Puck. Not Much of a Dream. Elsie I had such a beautiful dream last night. Oh, It was glorious. I dreamt that I was In heaven and that everything there was a thousand times more beautiful than any mortal had ever Imagined It to be. Evelyn Pshaw! I though- you were going to say you dreamt that you bad married a man with a title. Keep It Dark. Wife (whose husband, the local mayor, haa Just been knighted) Havs you heard from the man who offered to trace our pedigree? Husband Yes: be has found out more than enough. Wife What did you pay him? Husband Fifty pounds to hold his tongue! Can Handle Bills. Muggins Women are gradually usurping the place of men. I heard the other day of a woman bill col lector. BugEins Well, if a woman is as successful in running down a bill she is in running one up she should be a wonder. FEW MILLIONAIRES. Pete Say, Larry, how many makes a minion 7 1 rergit. Larry Very few, that I knows per sonally, has. Worked Both Ways. A fool men once lost his health While striving to get wealth; Then he straightway lost his wealth While trying to gain health. Cause for Congratulation, The Boss Mr. Stubpen, when you came In this morning I detected a trace of liquor about your person. The Bookkeeper That's fine, elf I Fine! That shows how much better your cold Is, sir, Puck. Preparing for the Future. Friend (of dying magnate) Then you think the end is near? Doctor -Yes, he has made out a list of the epigrams, good deeds and sto res 'hat lie wishes to be attributed to Mm. """K. Foster Innocent Amusement. He is an enemy to the young who makes any innocent amusement ap pear to be sinful. Natural and whole some impulses may easily be made to appear as temptations to wrong-doing. Christian Register. Gossip Well Defined. Gossip is a sort of smoke that comes from the dirty tobacco pipes of those who diffuse it; it proves nothing but the bad taste of the smoker. George kllot. 44 T.A.P. In spite free. Oil City, Pa. MAUt SUMt UKAVt bLUNUtKS Embezzling Banker. Admits He Over looked Missionary Fund and Prop; erty of Orphan Child. The embezzling banker's friends were congratulating him. 'How In the world did you keep It up so long without being uiscovereu; they asked, breathlessly. "My friends," came nn anguished voice from the other sldo of the bars. 'I am unworthy of this laudation. I have been guilty of grave tactical blunders. I failed to have myself elected Sunday school superintendent, and I did not show myself at prayer meeting more than once a month. 1 could have landed a $700 missionary fund, but heedlessly I allowed It to slip through my fingers and go to an other. "Besides, I might have become the guardian of some poor, dead million aire's child. I am 111-descrvlng ot your well-meant, but misdirected, praise. My work has been coarse and ama teurish. Indeed, or I could be free this evening to Join you In our trl-weekly poker feat. .Woe, woe Is me!" And they left hlra weeping bitterly. H. M. Silvers, in The Sunday Maga zine. WARM REBUKE FOR SARCASM Western Senator Who Made Many En emies Was Given Good Advice by a Friend. For many years there served in the United States senate, from the west, a man of brilliant mind and fine quali ties, but who was forever estranging many with wnom ne aesirea to ue friendly by reason of his Incurably sar castic manner both of speech and ac tion. Once an Intimate friend wrote the senator urging the appointment of an other friend to a minor position In the government. The senator returned a most sarcastic reply, declining to rec ommend the appointment. It Is said that he never forgot the merited re buke he received from the friend who had suggested the appointment. "My Dear Senator: I think It would be well for you to reserve your sar casm for the rapidly Increasing num ber of your enemies, Instead of offer ing it to the decreasing number of your friends, of whom I am one." Expensive Tree. We do not think much of trees In the United States, and let several mil lion acres of them burn without get ting excited, but in England small for- ests. and even individual trees, are maintained at great expense. If there is not actually an outlay of money, the trees occupy land that could other wise be profitably employed. Probably the most noteworthy tree in the world, so far as expenslveness is concerned, is a plane tree which grows in Wood street, in the city of London. This tree occupies a lot which would bring in ground-rent to the amount of $1,200 per annum, it says much for the nature-loving quali ties, and, incidentally, for the fortune, of the owner of that lot that the ancient tree flourishes safely year after year. Respect Due to Rank, Alice Wenban Is a cliff dweller and, as such, accustomed to tne wnere- abouts of the .lordly janitor by whose kind permission her people live and have their being. Right across the street they are building another apartment, an ac tivity which greatly Interests th young lady. She spends many hours in the contemplation of the Job. The excavation filled her with breathless interest. The foundation proved even more exciting. And now, that the building is in a fair state of progress, she is quite beside fferself. And she wants to know you know. "Mother," she asked when the bricklayers began on the ground floor work, "they've built the janitor's bouse first. Isn't that funny?" Cleve land Leader. In Modern Politics. "I don't see anything that man has ever done that warrants his official Importance," said the man who finds fault. "No," said Senator Sorghum, "Some of us get on not by what we have done, but by what we are willing to promise not to do." The Duke's Dream. The duke of Devonshire, who passed away some years ago, once said to a friend: "Yesterday I went to sleep, and I dreamed that I was addressing the house of lords, and when I awoke S found I was addressing the house ot lards." London Telegraph. "P) Balled Out. 99 Every Odd and Kud Suit or Overcoat for Men, or Noar Men, or Coming Men, is hereby sentenced to the humiliating punishment of a further price out. So It Is Thxt Our $40 00 Suits and Overonats this week are $20 50. Our 85 00 Suits and Overcosts this week are 24 50. Our 30 00 Suits and Overonats this week are 21 00. Our 25 00 Suits and Overcoats this week are 17.75. Our 20 00 Suits and Overooatu this week are 14 50. Our 18.00 Suits and Overcoats this week are 12 !5. Our 15 00 Suits and Overcoats this week sre 10 50. Our 12 50 Suits and Overcoats this week are 8 75. of these remarkable reductions the alterations are NOT TO BE MADE LIGHT OF. Marie Dressier Is as famous for her epigrams as she is for her generosity. An actor at the opera bouse was re calling one of her justly famous hits of repartee. Miss Dressier was inviting her friends to a birthday party. "There'll be a birthday cake, I sup pose?" someone remarked. "Yes, there'll be a cake, never fear." was the reply. "And candles, of courser went on the alleged wit "My friend," said Miss Dressier, "this is to be a birthday party, not a torchlight prooesslon." Rochester Herald. An Accurate Statement "Is you goln' duck huntin'?" asked Miss Miami Brown. 'No," replied Mr. Erastue Plnkley. "I isn't gwlne special after ducks. An' I is sufficiently acquainted wit de premises I's movln' on so dat I won't have to hunt." WHEN HE CANT BE STOPPED. Even a man who gives up after his first serious defeat is willing to try, try again when be is endeavoring to smoke a broken cigar. Fsshlonable Trousers. Right here and now We speak our mind; We will not wear The skin-tight kind) Demoralizing Example. Man with the Bulging Brow Why do you want to take a taxlcab when you can get an ordinary cab for about half the money? Man with the Bulbous Nose What do I care how much It costs? I don't expect to pay for it In either case. I'm going to pass the debt on to pos terity, just the same as a big city does. Exploring the Catacombs. Thus the inquisitive boarder: "What has become of the old fash ioned woman who used to call a wed ding reception an lnfare?" Response by the white haired boarder: "I think she married the old fash ioned man who used to crack his knuckles regularly twice a day." Heading Him Off. "Our rooms are 13 a day including meals. I should like to call your at tention to the fact that the laws of this state provide a severe penalty for attempted suicide." "But, good heavens I man, I have no desire to commit suicide." "But you may when you have been here for a while." Dear Lost Days. "You used to say," she complained, "that you counted that day lost when you did not hear the sound of my voice." "Yes, I know," he replied, "and I shall never cease to long for those dear lost days." Educational Advancement. The children at an Erlth school were taken tho other day to a trav eling menagerie and circus in order to give them a practical lesson in nat ural history. Later on, we under stand, they are to be taken to see a classical dancer in order to learn anatomy. London Punch. Cure for Sleeplessness. If one is restless and cannot sleep at night, take a common towel, double it four times, dip in cold water and pin around the waist with a dry towel i on the outside. For croup or Bore throat, put the towels around the neck and they will give almost Immediate relief. T.A.P. Oil City, Va. Church For Funerala Only. New York has one church which Is devoted entirely to funeral servicos. It is called tho Funeral church, auci its usefulness comes from tho fact that many families living in snimi) apartments In the city desire to have tho last services for their dead con-, ducted in u larger place than Is pro vided by their homo. Having no fixed, church atliliatlon, they Beck this pluco, for the services. Faithful to Duty. When tho Briny of Pompcy stormed and took Jerusalem, at tho moment the tcmplfa was taken, the priests were engaged with the dally sacrifice, and amid all the horrors which sur rounded them, they continued their solemn duties unmoved, thinking it better to suffer whatever came upon them at their very altars than to omit anything their law rcni'ired. and Manufacturing Opticians. We examine your fives and grind the glaum on the premiwis. Results -Definite. The latest methods known tn science sre employed. No Drops. Artilielal eves In stock. Louses il up lies led on short order. Ir. Morok In charge. Morrk Optical Co., OIL CITY, PA. Kirst Nxll'iiisl llink HuiMing. AVAVERLY A thin, pale oil distilled from Pennsylvania Crude Oil. Feeds freely. Will not congeal. Lubrication Without Carbon Best oil for either air-cooled or water-cooled machines. At your dealers. If not, write to us. A test will delight and convince you. Waverly Oil Works Co. Indtpmoont ntfintrs PITTSBURG. PA.' Also makers of Waverly (jttsoiines. rorU 2 Porc Book i ItLL tells all about oil. II SO The STCVCNS o. 335 Doable "Barrel llantmcr'c.s S hot sun is elrnnijut where oilier (runs arc vntkent. Tin; 1 .ir n ls ami Jup-s are drop-forced i:i one piece of lii;:h pressure Mci !, choke bored fur nitro jiowdcr with mulled rib. Tick up I'iU rici ar.'l f.'.'I tlie tnilnna-c of it examine Lie .,nr!.iiii;- paits eloscly .-mil sre I lie Icier' re ami 11 hi.- !l of detail you will iy it's a t."i;i,uT. It lists nt only 520.00 niul will ! exprc::i''i! r p::i;l ('irri t from !! ? factory in at.-c v fit a.raof y cin-r v. I It. . . - . ...".... .... ...... I'PV If . V, -lf rwwAttOt..:. V STF.VENS h?m t'iwn'M-.; 4 TOOL COKi'ANY Promptly olitiilnnt, or frw RETURNED. SO YEARS' EXPERIENCE. Our CHARGES ARE THE LOWEST. Belli mixl. l, pluilo ur nkuti'li for ftlM'rt (M'iuvIi rihI freu ivmrt uu ptili'iitnliility. INFRINGEMENT K'lltn ronilui'tt'd bt'tnre all t'ourt. I'at.'litfl nhtainofl thrmiirh n. ADVER TISED Mill SOLD, fivi'. TRADE-MARKS, PEN SIONS anil COPYRIGHTS quickly ubulQuO. Opposite U. 8. Patent Office, WASHINGTON, D. O. 1 I mm Ksggr II
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers