Tiie Forest Repuuuuu . w . .-I Ou. Square, one Inch, oue insertion.. I 100 One hquaro, on. inch, one nonta. I (M On Square, ooe inch, three months, . B W One Square, one inch, one J ear..... 1609 Two Square, one year.... Quarter Column, one year...., S'G Half Column, one year WW One Column, one year W0 W Legal advertisements ten oenU per line each insertion. Marriage, and deith notices gratis. All bills for yearly ad vertiaerasntt collected quarterly Temporary advertisements muss be paid in advance. Job work cash on deliver. Iapabllshed every WedaosJay, by J. E. WENK. OSr la Smewbangh & Co.' Building ILM BTBEKT, TIONESTA, PA. Jb oil KEF U JB JULCAN. Terms, - l.oo Per Vear. No subscriptions received for a bortar period than three months. Correspondence solicited from all parts of the country. Mo notloe will be taken of anonymous oouiinunloaliont. VOL. XXXI. NO. 49. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, MARCH 22, 1899. SI. 00 PER ANNUM. JEST Spain has declared a general pardon for deserters from the navy. Under the circumstances they could hardly be blamed. The Mexican Herald, commenting upon our occupation of Cuba, says; It is a good beginning that the Amer ican army met. in Cuba are making. Thry are demonstrating that revenues can be honestly collected, and are showing how well they can be ex pended. Official statistics from seventeen loading American cities show a slight decrease in building operation values firing the past year. The total for tho seventeen cities was $202,000,000 in 1897 and $181,000,000 in 1898, a ilecreaso of $21,000,000, or 10.4 per ;cnt. TUe largest cities showed a de cline, but tho small municipalities in (licate increased activity in this line. With Adolpho d'Enuery passes away tho last of the great French melo dramatists who were coeval with the elder Dumas. It is not too much to lay that he did more to make the drama of emotion by situation and machinery widespread than any other playwright. He was content if his ventures paid largely,- and let art take Sare of itself. His "Two Orphans" showed him at his best. His heroes ind heroines were apt to bo very much of a kind, but oh! what villains he constructed! He lived eighty-cigbt years, and died - worth $3,000,000. Virtue in his plays wai never more eonspio&onsly rewarded. In connection with the discussion regarding the competition in trade be tween Great Britain and the United States, tho English and American Gazette says: "There is hardly a branch of trade in which America does not now compete with' Great Britain. 3he has developed her native talent, which now finds abundant outlets at home and abroad. In every single, manufactured article that 1 the States produce England could, if she liked, oompete. Tbat she does not is solely and wholly owing to her not attempt ing to do so. Her sons, badly eda sated, a.e fonder of play than of work; her technical schools are In their in fancy, whereas in th States and in Germany thoy are flourishing and of t 'i 1! i uug eiuuuiug, nuu pruperir oiaie subsidised. Until England adapts herself to the times, uutil trade strikes cease, or until other nations . are in volved in war, so long will British . goods be replaced in other markets by more of her competitors." TUe news from Philadelphia of the discovery of tubing in the walls and floor of Kcely's work-shop is, on the whole, rather mortifying. The Phila delphia Tress vouches for the story. . It avers thut the Keely work-shop has been ripped up; that nnder the floor was a steol reservoir capable of hold ing comprossud air at a high pres sure, and that the tnliinrr fnnrwl -a small but very strong, aud also capa ble of standing a severe strain. The sad inference is that Keely was a pooi old fraud, and used compressed air to produce the remarkable mechanical effect with which he regaled his visi tors. The. investigators-ueem to have fcfen somewhat zealous to prove that he was a deceiver, and it may be that the believers in Keely, if there are any left, will doubt their findings; but the story as it is told seems fairly con clusive, and the hidden tubes, if the can be shown in position as found, will require a deal of explanation, ob serves Harper's Weekly. f . It may be that a new fashion ir matrimony has been created in th mountain fastnesses of Virginia. Not long ago a comely young woman o.' that region was wooed by two suitors, one of whom she preferred; Ar engagement and a marriage ceremony followed in ' due time, despite th adage about the conrse of true love not running smoothly. As an act of grace an invitation was extended tc . me rejected swain to aucnu me mar riage proceedings. He displayed his lortitnae ny accepting, ana, accom panied by a number of friends, he nt . tended. On one sleeve he wore a broad band of crepe, symbolic of his dead hopes, and throughout the cere mony he and his friends expressed their dolorous sentiments by a con tinuous, snbdued moaning. This dis play of appreciation for the bride's at tractiveness evidently aroused none but .the pleasantest sentiments in the breast of the happy man whose name she was taking, for there is no record of it disturbance, and it is to be assumed that none occurred. It would be interesting to see this custom transplanted to other spheres of so ciety. The suggestion affords many possibilities of variation, tending to add materially to the interest in these usualleladsomo -occasions. WHEN LICirTS The rooms are bushed, the lights are low, t (It and listen to the wind That comes from out the distant hill. . It comes and eroons in anuudertone Of alien regions vast an loue, Of pleasures lost In a land unknown; Then steals away, and all Is still. TIs good to lihten to the wind When rooms are bushed and lights are low. POSTMISTRESS AT DOWNING VILLE. By HAYDEN WHEN you come to think of it, Down ingville was a vil lage of magnificent rliatonAAa with al. most a half-mile from the tannery to the sawmill, and with only scatter ing -houses be tween. The school house and the two churches had each failed to establish a oeutre. Even the postoffice stood alone, at at least a hundred yards from the nearest house, with a corner of Squire Poraeroy'a wood-lot ooming up almost to its back door, as if refusing to rec ognize auou a straggling place ai a town at all. Mr. Blodgett was the postmaster, but he rau the villago grist-mill which was far from everything else, of coarse and seldom visited the office for a stay of any great length. So it happened that practically the entire work of the office fell upon his assis taut. - She was Mabel Loomis, who lived with her mother a quarter oi a mile np the road on the uncertain edge of the village. The work of the office, although not perhaps hard in one sense, was certainly wearing and exacting, and the hours were long from six in the morning to seven in the evening, nsu ally. Vacations and "days off" were few, and the salary was meagre enough; but Mabel never complained, anilsbe did the work to the test of her ability. It was a beautiful September worn ing; she had just finished putting up the six twenty-four mail, and the boy who earned it to the station had de parted. Only two or three persons had as yet been in, so Mabel was sur prised to see Mrs. Allison appear at the general delivery. "Why, good morning, Mabel!" she said. "You weren't looking for me so early, were yea, now. Well, I m going to ttke the train for Proctor's going up to see Libbie and I thought I'd drop in. Didn't know but I might bave a postal or something from her, telling me to wait till next week." "No, there inn't anything for you," returned Mabel. "Well, I don't know, yon know. You cau't tell. But I suppose this doesn't seem early for you." "No. I've been np an hour and a half." "You don't tell me! Well, I think yon have to get up too early, that's what I think. Seems as if Blodgett might stir out and open the place him self, 'specially as you have to stay so late at night. "He comes in at noon, you know, and stays quite a while. Then, the work isn t hard." "Well, it mav not be hard, but I should say that its wearing, if I'm a judge. ' Sorting over letters and pounding them with that thing, aud filling out money-orders and toaring them off bias and just so, and fixing the registered letters and selling stamps, aud jumping up to this win dow for this body and that body and the other body that want their letters, and forty other things I declare 'twould just pester the life out of me in no time at all." "Oh, I don't mind it," returned Mabel, cheerfully. "Well, I must be getting along," continued Mrs. Allison. "Are you going on the excursion next week?" "I'm afraid I can't get away," answered the girl. Mrs. Allison was rummaging in her hand-bag, and her attention seemed distracted. b,"Seems as ifj Blodgett ought to pay you more," she said. "Blodgett is no poor man, and his mill pays him right along. What I'd like, is to see you appointed postmaster yourself. You're twenty-one now." "Oh, thank you," answered Mabel, with a rather sad smile, as Mrs. Alli son went out. Then she sat down in her chair by the detk, but the smile was all gone. "I'm afraid there aren't many ex cursions for me this summjr." she mused, somewhat ruefully. "I pre sume Mr. BJodgett would stay here that day if I asked him, but I know I couldn't afford to go. Besides, I haven't any dress to wear that's suita ble. I wish I could earn more." But there was no time for gloomy thoughts, for the boy was back with a mail-bag, and people were beginning to drop in more and more frequently. She plunged earnestly into the work before tier, which, as work will always do drove away the gloomy thoughts. But she was not to be allowed to forget the excursion, as several of her girl friends who came to the office asked her if she was going. She an swered thim as she had answered Mrs. Allison, and it made her a little angry to feel that her face flushed each time; for although none of them said what ber first caller had said, she felt sure that they all thought it. She was ashamed of the feeling, but she could not help being disturbed. Other reasons made her feel her laok of money much more than this excursion. Mabel's father had died five years before, leaving his family in Door circumstance, . Her mother' ARE LOW. When those we love have come and gone, Tis weary to be left behind To miss sweet eyes where late they shone, To look for what we may not find. Long-cherished forms tbat haunt the mind, Hoft voices tbat were once too kind; To live and miss them one by one I weary work. Who'd stay behind When those we love bave come and gone? " New York Times. CARRUTH. health was not good, aud there two younger sisters and a little brother who were still at school. It was a little after three o'clock on the afternoon of the same day that a stranger entered the Downingville postoffiue. Mabel was alone. She noticed, as the man stepped up to the general delivery, that he was well dressed, and perhaps between twenty-five and thirty years of age. His face was not a pleasant one, although it did not suggest a lack of intelli gence. He came close to the window and said: "Is there a registered letter for M. P. Morganstone here?" Such a letter had come on the latest mail, and Mabel bad placed it in the safe which stood in the corner. She answered him in the affirmative, when he continued: - "That is my name M. P. Morgan stono. Please let me have it." "The rules require identification in the case of registered letters, yon know," answered Mabel. "Oh yes, I had forgotten. Well, I am a stranger here, but I can show you who I am all right." He searched his pockets, taking out a number of papers and old letters. Two of the latter he pushed through the window. "There you see, miss 'M. P. Mor ganstone, Watertown. Just give me the letter it's very important for me to catch the up-train." "But I can't give out a registered letter on such identification. Mr. Blodgett, the postmaster, has instruct me not ta do so." Mabel's suspicions were beginning to be slightly aroused by one thing about the man. Twice since ooming np to the window he had glanced over his shoulder at the door. She knew, of course, that it was her duty to de liver the letter if he could fully con vince her that it belonged to him; but she determined to insist on identifica tion of the strictest kind, as a matter of protection to herself and her em ployer. "Why, see here, I've got lots of registered letters on less identifica tion than this, and at larger offices," tho man said. "You're going beyond the rules." "No, I don't think I am. A post master is responsible for registered letters. If he delivers one to the wrong person the rightful owner can bold him accountable. Mr. Blodgett is very particular. He has told me to deliver no such letters to strangers except on identification snch as would be satisfactory ut a bank . You must know that there you would have to be vouched for by some one known per sonally to the bank people. "I can describe the letter," went on the man, ignoring what she had said. "Large, oblong envelope. From J. H. Smith, Riverside. Mailed this moruing. Isn't that right?" "Yes, but I can't let you have it without proper identification." Mabol was becoming more suspicious of the man every moment. His disappoint ment and worry over the situation seemed to be bringing his true char aoter to the surface, and his face and manner were rapidly growing less gentlemanly. "Why, I never saw anything like this. Do you know I cau make trou ble for you with the department for holding back my letter? You know I am telling you the truth about who I am, and you have no right to delay my mail. Mabel made no reply at all, but held her ground at the window. "Now see here, miss, no foolish ness. I'm a bushiest; man and my time is worth money. I m a contrac tor, and that letter contains papers valuable to me, but of no value to any one else. Plans and specifications of a new factory I'm bidding for over at Watertown. Give it to me and, let me catch my train. It's a matter of dollars and cents to me." "I cannot do it," was all that Mabel said. The man by this time was growing very red in the face, and was glanc ing more nervously than ever over his shoulder. He hesitated a moment. and then, with a little forced laugh, went on in a qnieter tone: "Of course maybe you're right ao- oording to the strict rule. I don't want you to get into any trouble on my account. 1 U show you in an other way that I'm telling the truth. I'm going to be in town again in about a week. I'll just deposit ten dollars with you you can give me a receipt and the letter, and if yon find its all right, as you will by that time, you can give me back the money." "No, there is no rule authorizing any snch thing." "1 11 leave you fifty dollars. Don't you see I wouldn't do that if I didn't know it wonld be all right, and I'd get my money back?" "Perhaps not, but it would be an altogether irregular thing for me to' do." "Why, you're unreasonable," cried the man, again beginning to lose his self-control. He pulled a roll of bills' from his pecket, and laid it down in the window. "I'll make it a hundred dollars, yes, two hundred," and he pushed in four fifty-dollar bills. "I'll miss a big contract if I don't get that letter instantly.. Give it to roe! Never mind about writing a receipt for the money I'll trust you, even if you don't want to trust me." "I can't do it." "Here, take a ten for yourself and give me the letter." "No." "Take a fifty, then. Keep it do what you please with it. I'll lose thousands of dollars if I miss that con tract." Mabel only shook her head. "Take the whole two hundred dol lars! You can nse it. Nobody will ever know. I'll never come back to bother you. Give me the letter!" and he pushed the money in so that it al most fell to the floor. Mabel pushed it back, saying, "It will do you no good to make me any such offers. You cannot have the let ter till you are properly identified." "I will have it," he fairly shouted, snatlhing back the money and hurry ing Around to the side toward the dooi thrf ugh which access was Lad to the intf rior, and which had been left ajar by the boy who had taken the mail sack. But Mabel was too quick foi him, and pushed it shut in his face. The npring lock clicked, and she caught her breath with a feeling of re lief; bnt he threw himself against the door heavily, shattering tho catch and sending the door back on its hinges with a crash, The edge just struck her forehead, and everything began to turn black before her eyes; but there stood the safe door open. She sprang toward it, knowing as she did so that she just missed the man's grasp. The heavy door went shut with a dull bump. With one hand she turned the handle which threw the bolts, and with the other spun round the com bination knob. Then the darkness became complete, and she remembered no more. The next thing she heard was a con fused murmur of voices. Then she opened her eyes and saw that she was still in the postoffice, lying ou the dis tributing table. Doctor Roberts, the village physician, was bending over her, and assuring ber mother, who stood pale and frightened, that the patient was not in danger. Mr. Blod gott and two or three neighbors were also there. The voices came from a crowd of people in the outer room. "There," said tho doctor, "you're going to be all right now. You can go home in my carriage. I'llgoaloug." "Did did he getthe letter?" asked Mabel, feebly. "No," answered Mr. Blodgett. "Never mind about the letter," said the doctor. "We'll tell you about thot to-morrow. We'll just take you home now." They carried her outside to the easy carriage which was waiting. As she drove away she heard half tho popula tion of the village, gathered at the office in full force, set up a cry of "Three cheers for Mabel!" aud they were given with a will. Tha next afternoon she was able to sit up at home. , Mr. Blodgett came and congratulated heron what she had done. He told her that after she had become unconscious the man had es caped by running across the field to the near-by woods, and that it now appeared he had good reason for run ning away, siuce ho was the accom plice of some burglars at Riverside who had sent him a large sum ol money, stolen the night befero, in the letter, fearing immediate arrest them themselves. This had been estab lished by Riverside officers who had arrested all the men, including the one who had come to the office, that morning, and by a postoffice inspector who had taker, possession of the letter. A week later Mabel was back in the office. Mr. Blodgett said to her the first morning: "The folks here have been talking the matter over, and have decided on giving you a slight reward in the shape of a purse of money in recog nition of what you did tho other day. Some of them are coming in after a while, and I thought I'd toll you so you wouldn't be too much snrprised." "They're very kind," said Mabel, instantly, "but I couldn't takfl any thing. You please tell them so, and stop their coming. I didn't do any thing more that day than my duty, and I couldn't take any reward for that; but you can thank them for me, please." Mr. Blodgett went out, and she took up the old work. She heard no more about the reward. But three weeks later a big official envelope came, addressed to her own name. It was a letter, aud the com mission from the Postoffice Depart ment, appointing Mabel Loomis Post mistress at Downingville, vice J. P. Blodgett, resigued. Youth's Com panion. Undoubtedly. A well-known and genial but illit erate Irishman, who once represent ed one of the Melbourne divisions in the Victoriau parliament, invariably read out speeches tbat were prepared for him. On one occasion, in view of the anticipated opposition, a speoial paragraph was insertext in the speech which the candidate read out as fol lows: "I am quite aware that many of ye are agin' me an' me politics. But surely we are all working for the good of the colony. It is only a detail that me opponents are marching one way and meself another, but we must re member that we are all sthrivin' to reach the same gaol!" London Chronicle. Valuable Engravings. The most valuablo engravings in the world are the four impressions of Rembrandt's portrait of a man leaning on a saber. The fourth was recently scld for $10,000. The original plate made by Rembrandt was cnt down first to an octagonal, oval and the pic tures from it sold for $130. Thon it was sliced off still more and the prints sold for $12, but of the original platt nnlvfnur nrints mentioned exist. PUZZLE DEPARTMENT. V 5!OtG(Gt0tetG)OK The solutions to these puzzles Wi'l ap pear in a succeeding issue. 17 OS An Aerostlc. Nine three-letter words, the initials of which spell the name of a French man, whom all Americans esteem. 1. A boy. 2. A conjunction. 3. A fancy. 4. Part of the verb to be. 5. A personal prououu. C. A Bible name. 7. A light blow. 8. A spin ner. 9. A sound-receiver. 60. A Transposition. The meaning of the first is -but "to mourn;" The second is "a cloak" by women worn; Third is "a shelf" for ornaments, 1 ween, While "of the mind" for fourth, is plainly seen. 07. A Corrugaled Column, 1. A serpent. 2. Succor. 3. A kind of bird. 4. A boy's abbreviated name. 5. A girl's name. 6. A unit. 7. One of the senses. Centrals Down A noted English author. 08. A Square. 1. A noted European city. 2. An iridescent stone. 3. To knock about. 4. A girl's name. ANSWKItS TO PREVIOUS QUESTIONS. 61. Nine Insertions Cain-cabin; hers-hears; save-salve; alar-altar; pan paint; toes-tomes; ales-aloes; cats carts; cram-cream. Inserted Letters Baltimore. C2. A Diamond APE TRAPS WINING T .All I SPAN EP I S N D I T I I SHF T HET I F TE E S LA I C D GELID SAC G C3. Five Broken Words Spear mint; bar-row; green-house; block head; foot-ball. C4. A Square HEART ERROR ARISE ROSE S TRESS WHITE HOUSE CLOCKS. Some of Tliein Are Famona and Have Histories. "The clocks in the White House," remarked an offioial clock-winder to a reporter, "are by no means the most uninteresting things about the house, though but little has ever appeared about them in the newspapers. Strange as it may appear, but one of the old clocks is of American manu facture, though all that have been pur chased of late years are. The ono clock referred to was made in New York, and was purchased when James Monroe was President. It is one of the permanent fixtures in the Green Room, and has beon there ever since it was purchased. As a timepiece it joiupares favorably with any of the foreign-made clocks, though it was. made at a time when America was aot as famous for its timepieces as it Is now. The most interesting clock there, of course, from its history, is the clock in the Blue Parlor, which eras once the property of Bonaparte, who presented it to General Lafay ette, and the latter presented it to General Washington. The frame of it is made of alabaster and French gilt bronze. It has to be wound but once a mouth. It keeps time to day is accurately as when first made. "What is known as the Lincoln Mock, purchased when President Lincoln was iu the White House, is an object of interest iu the Red Room, and is of ebony and gold. It strikes the quarters, halves and hours. In Mrs. McKinley's rooms is a clock which has been running without the slightest intermission for nearly thirty years. The clock at the foot of the stairs leading up to the Presi dent's office is the one that the public generally sees. It is rather modern in construction, of the 'regulator' pat tern and is very reliable. "The clock in Private Secretary Porter's room is admired for its ca thedral gong rather than anything else, but it is a good clock, and has so proven itself for the ten or fifteen years it has been there." Washing ton Star. I' poet the Lawyer. A case was being tried in court, and the particular question at issue war the number of persons present when a certain event occurred. An honest bnt simple minded German was in the witness box. He had never taken an oath before ind was not a little disconcerted. The lanryer who conducted the cross-examination saw his opportunity and bed gered him with questions, after the manner of his kind. "How many did you say there wer present?" the shouted, bringing hit fist down upou the table as though the fate of empires trembled in the bal ance. "Veil," meekly answered the wit ness, "off course I gould not chust say, but I dinks dere vas between si; and sefeu." ""Tell the jury what you mean by that!" roared the lawyer. "Hon could there be between six aud seven? Were there six or were there seven?' "Veil," answered the witness, "may be I vas wrong. There vas more a? six, but dere vas not so much as sefen. One vas a fery leetle boy." Greeu Baa. SUBMARINE flOATS RIDICULED. farrow, England's Great I'xptrt. Fays They Arc Not EflectlTe. The recent manoeuvres cf tho French submarine torpedo boat Gus lave Zede have aroused much interest in English naval circles, aud the many experiments of American! in the Fame fine make her tests of equal importance to the United States Navy. . A. F. Yarrow, England's famous builder of torpedo boats aud queer .raft of all kinds, is undoubtedly the best expert on such types, and he does aot share in the mild alarm of British naval men. "From the sensatiou which is being made about it iu France," said Mr. Yarrow, "oue would think it was a new idea. It is not. For moro than thirty years trials have been made of submarine torpedo boats. And the thirty years have been marked by lit tle progress and considerable loss of life. And in this latest attempt by the French the essential objections to the idea still remain. "First of all, these boats are so laugerons that I doubt if competent men will be found willing in time of peace to risk their lives in the neces sary practice. Many competent con structors could be found ready aud willing to build "one of these boats, but I am quite sure not many would venture in it when it was built. "These dangers arise to some ex tent from the fact that the specific gravity of the boat must be either ex actly or nearly the same as the specific gravity of water. The result is that if an indentation was caused iu the skin of the vessel, its specific gravity would, of course, become actually greater than that of water, and it would sink to the bottom. Another langer, which arises chiefly in shal low water, is that the vessel is apt, through the slightest disorder of the steering gear, t.) get out of the hori zontal lice. Aud in that case iu less than no time it might stick its head iu the mud. This actually occurred a few years ago at Tilbury, when Lord Charles Beresford was nearly drowned. "A third danger is that of collision with rocks, fish or pieces of wreckage. If a large fish in some foreigu sea came into contact with one of these boats it might easily take chargo of the steering gear, "In my belief they would be of value only against stationary vessels. In the case of a vessel in motion, suf ficiently accurate guiding would be impossible. As far as stationary ves sels are concerned submariue torpedo boats which can be guided by elec tric wire from the shore would prove quite effective. "With our present knowledge, boats of the French type are both dangerous aud ineffective, aud, I may add, the more money the French spend upou them the better for the rest." . nirls Growing Faster Thau Hoys. Is the athletic girl to pay the pen alty of her fondness for outdoor sports by growing so fast aud so much as to end in the long run by overtopping her brothers and sweethearts by head? The oisparity iu height lias been noticed particularly at some recent weddings, aud a wail comes to us from the youug girls still attendiug dancing schools that they as a rule are ill tall, while the boys are all short, and tho consequent awkwarduass re sulting has been very unpleasant. It was certainly with no thought of tddiug to ber stature that in spite of opposition the girl took the wheel and to other forms of outdoor activity. The fun of the thing tempted her, and iu addition "to what she sought she now finds herself taller and larger, o'ertopping not only her mother and her anuts, bnt her sometime competi tor, sometime colleague man as well. Accordiug to a social philoso pher the remedy lies with man, who is bidden to regard tho toweriug girl as a warning to him. An African King. King Lewauika's costumo was rather remarkable. On his head he wore a black, brad-brimmed felt hal over a scarlet night cap. A long, bright-blue dressing gown, much em broidered with scarlet braid iu Man chester style; a flannel shirt, tweed waistcoat, trousers and aggressivelj new yellow boots completed his cos tumo. This was evidently his holiday attire, for ou other days his scarlet night cap was replaced by a blue Tarn-o'-Shauter and the dressing gown by r shoddy ulster. We seated ourselves opposite the door looking out on the river, while the rest of my party were grouped iu a circle round us. It was not etiquette for auy bnt the King and bis inter preter to enter tho hut, so Letia and the councilors remained outside while we carried ou desultory conversation on the subject of our lespet-tive jour neys, hunting, etc., enlivened by the gentle tinkling of the piano ami the subdued singing of the King's choristers.- -Blackwood's Magaziue. Calling m Dog bv Telephone, The Daily Telegraph narrates th( following incident: "A lady passen ger who arrived at Redbill by trait reported iu great grief to the station muster that her little pet dog had been left by accident on the platform ut Reigntc, aud would likely be eitliei crushed by a locomotive or lost. The courteous official telephoned through respecting the poodle, aud the auswei came immediately, that a dog of thai description had just been brought iu to the police station. The receivei was put to the dog's ear, aud the lady was asked to speak to it. She did so The effect was electrical. The dog barked a cordial recognition of the voice, and by its autiel expressed a great desire to jump into the upparatuf and traverse the wire iu order to get to its mistress all tho sooner." Household Words JIM BOWKER. Jim Bowker, he said et he'd bad a fail show. An' a big enough town for his talents tc grow, and the least bit of assistance in boeln bis row, Jim Bowker, lie said,' He'd fill the world full of the sound of his name, An' climb the top round iu the ladder ol fame. It may have been so; I dunuo; Jest so It might been; Then ag'n But he had had tarnal luck; everythtn went ng'n blm, The arrears of fortune they alius 'ud pin blm: So he didu't gHt a chance to show whal was in him; Jim Bowker, he said, Ef he'd had a fair show you couldn't tell where he'd eome. La' Ihe feats he'd 'a' done, an' the height! bo'd 'a' clum'r. It may bnve beea so; I dunuo; Jest so it might been; Then ag'n Out we're all like Jim Bowker, think; I, more or less. Charge fate for our bad luck, ourselves for success, In' give fortune the blame for alt our dis tress. A9 Jim Bowker. he snid, 1 It hadn't been for luck au' misfortune au' sick. We might 'a' been famous an' might 'a' been rivh. It might bo jest so; I dunno; Jest so It might been; Then ag'n 9. V. Foss, In Cleveland Leader. HUMOR OF THE DAY. She "How do you like her voice?" Ee "Still." Yankee Statesman. Dewey opened up the bnl!, Dewey caused Munila's fall, Dowey shows us by what's past That the llrsl skull be the lust! Peuuer "He once seemed to be a promising young poet. What stopped his career?" Skribes. "Baldness." Judge. Miss Pasaee "They'say marriages tre made in heaven." Miss Pert "A'. then, yon have oue more chance. '" Syracuse Herald. "Quito polite, isn't he?" "I should lay. He is so polished that he can't tell the plaiu unvarnished truth." Cincinnati Enquirer. Louie "Fred must be on auc tioneer." Nelly "Why?" Louie "Last night he said he was going three times before he went." "A man is as old as he feels," said the gentleman of the old school, "and a woman as old as she says she is.'' Indiauapolis Journal. "Why is the villain iu the ploy al ways a dark man?" "I guess it's be cause villains are naturally opposed to the light." Chicago News. Kibbler "Does your wife help you in your work?" Scribbler "Yes, in deed! She always goes calling while lam writiing." Brooklyn Life. The girt who keeps her birthday, Whuu a merry little elf, Keeps It still whuu she grows up, But keeps It to herself. Chicago News. Horrified Mother "I should like 16 know how yon. happened to let young Simpkius kiss you?" Daugh ter "I I thought no one was look ing." "Won't your wife sing for us?" sked one of the callers. "I guess she will; I just asked her not to," re plied the knowing husband. Yonkorp Statesman. Hingso "He's a queer follow.? Jingo "You bet! He told me yester day that he didn't like the solitude unless he bad a girl with him." Syra suse Herald. "How did you find buoiuess abroad?'' "Well, I noticed that everything was looking up at Naples." "Indeed?" "Yes; at Mount Vesuvius." Cleve land Plain Dealer. He "If your head aches, my dear, I wouldn't go to the tea meeting this evening." She "Then the other woman will be Bure to talk about me." Boston Traveler. Mrs. Criinsonbeak "Mylife, John, is au open book." Mr. Crimsonbeak "That's the trouble; I wish to good ness I could shut you up some time!" Yonkers Statesman. "That woman tried to beat me down on the price of quinine. She said I ought to make it ten cents cheaper because she had to pay her little boy to take it." Chicago Record. Little Rodney (who has au inquir ing mind) "Pupa, what is the propel age for a man to get married?" Mr. Hennypeck "Not till he is old enongb to know better, my son." Puck. Duzby "Jabbius, do you remem ber that joke I sprung at the club din ner last week?" Dooby "Yes; and I'll nover forget it. I've remembered it for over ten years." Roxbury Gaz ette. Pollywog "What's the trouble be tween Vau Clove and his wife? I thought she was the light of his life.'' Jollydog "So she was, but she went out too much." Philadelphia North Ainericau. Ky to noes. "He called last night, and he'i charming," bIio was saying to her best girl frieud, between acts at "Cyrauc de Bergerac." "He is simply fasci natiug in conversation and perfect in his manners. He has traveled a great deal, you know, is a great observe! and really gives yon a better idea ol what he has seen than can be obtained from books. Oue thing he told mc was simply enchanting, aud I never heard it before from any one." "Pshaw!" exclaimed the other, into whose eyes had crept a deep greeu shadow. "1 know what that was. You made it easy wheu you said you'd never heard it before." "What was it?" "A proposal." Then they got as near back to back as the seats would permit aud did not speak during the rest of the long performance
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers