f : --: ---: V.' : W : Tie Forest Republican It publish! .very Wednos Jay, by J. E. WENK. Office la Smearbaufja & Ca'i Building ILM STREET, TIONESTA, Tk. Xermsj, . 9 1.00 Ir Year, No subscription! received tot e shorter period than three mom lis. Correspondence sollcitel from all part of lha oouuiry. No noiloe will be taken or anonymous ooaiiuuoiaallons. RATES OF ADVERTISINCl One Square, one inch, on iiuertlou..f 1 00 On. Square, one inch, one raontn. 8 00 On. Square, one inch, three months. . S 00 One Square, one inch, one year..... 10 0J Two Squares, one year 15 Ml Quarter Column, one yaar. ........... SJ OU Hall Column, one year... ..... ....... 50(10 One Column, one year 100 OU Laaal advertisement ten cenU per line each insertion. Marriages and tie ith notices gratis. All bills for yir,y advertisements collected quarterly Temporary auvertisuiuenU must be paid in advance. Job work cash on de!Iver. VOL. XXXI. NO. 31. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, NOV. 16, 1898. 81.00 PER ANNUM. Forest Republican. The people engaged in the sealing business will kindly bear that there it an era of Anglo-Saxon amiability which ought not to be dis turbed. An authority states that there are 7,000,000 harmonicas sold annually in this country. Is it any wonder that some persons look on a musical taste as a not unmixed evil? Crime costs London more than $7, 500,000 a year, over $6,000,000 of whioh goes to the Metropolitan police. This amouuls to something like $1.50 per head of London's population for their sius. There is something grotesquely curi ous in the news thr.t Sir Herbert Kitch ener begau recruiting from the captive Dervishes for his army the day after the capture of Omdurman. Of course, the curiosity lies in the nature of the Dervishes aud the fact that such a thing is possible. The fact is that many of them are mere soldiers oi for tune, who fought for the Khalifa sim ply for hope of plunder, and are as willing to fight for the Queen aud the Khedive as for anybody else. But the incident is most impressive as show ing Great Britain's policy of making every country which she controls do its own fighting. England furnishes the generals, but she enlists the Egyp tians iu Egypt, the Soudanese in the Soudan and the Sikhs and Ooorkhas in India, and adds a few regiments of British troops, just enough to drill and encourage them. ( The four monitors for whioh con tracts hare been awarded by the Navy Department will be in effect small floating batteries, designed to stick close to cur coastwise harbors. They will be too small only 225 fert long ' to carry sufficient coal for a sea Toy age, nor is it designed that they should at any time take the places of any of our warships in offensive oper ations at a distance from home ports. Vessels of the monitor class are be lieved by naval experts to be practi cally .impregnable to hostile attack, ex cept by torpedo boats, while they are capable of meeting in a sea fight any thing afloat iu the shape of a battle ship, no matter how largo or how heavily armed. As movable auxiliar ies to our elaborate but widely scat tered coaSt defences the new monitors would be of great, value should our coast lino ever bo menaced by a hos- tilequadron. Mr. Kerr, the Secretary of the Vnited Stales Golf Association, esti mates that there is $50,000,000 now invested in golf in this country, and that the expenditure this year for that sport will not be less than $10,000,000. The money is well spent, in that it makes this c'ountry pleasanter for per sons who aro bound to have some sort 'of sport, aniwho will seek it abroad if they cannot find it at home. Bi- ' cyoles, trolley cars and golf have worked miracles in the direction of mitigating the monotony of American life, especially of country or suburban life, and making it attractive to per-, sons who crave reasonable variety in their existences. They are all cheap, and not one of them is nasty. They are all still extending, and it is an adventurous prophet who would at tempt to predict the limits of their spread. With iron cheap, and grow ing constantly cheaper, Life predicts that there must be a continuous tretching out of trolley rails along the country roads. The- great waste and damage to a country's industries involved in a great strike is well shown by some lately published statistics of the losses caused by the strike of the Welsh miners, which ended recently, states Bradstreet's. This cost is placed at $30,000,000, or $1,500,000 weekly during the period the strike lasted. If the damage were confined to the mining industry itself this would be bad enongh, but the inter dependence of modern trade and com mercial life made it necessary that a wide oircle of industrial werkers and enterprises should drink from the same cup. For instance, it is esti. mated that the loss in coal freights alone was fully $7,000,000, while the losses of the railroads are placed at fully $2,000,000. That the wages of sailors, the amounts paid for dock dues and ether fairly measurable items were heavily reduced goes almost without saying. The indirect loss, some of which may never be regained, caused by the diversion of the coal trade to other countries is, of course, incalculable, but the decided boom given to American export trade in coal to British colonial ports is of too close a date to be forgotten. It has even been stated though, it is claimed, without adequate foundation that the annual autumn maneuvers Df the British Channel fleet were post poned because of the strike. :: unuraiTiinro Anfimin nniminRi n : s iiiiiiHrj i iiit iirjiiimi- i:iiiirjiKiii v nuiLiuuiiLy nuiuuu uniimunLU s Q Tlis Strange OOD use is being made by the sci entists of an ao count of the experiences of M. Louis de Rougemont among the oar ages of north western Australia, which appeared recently. His experfenoes are al leged to have covered a period of nearly thirty years. , During that time Rougemont becamo practically king of a cannibal tribe. He says he esoaped from his nomadio life and reached Melbourne in 1895. He ar rived in England a short time ago, and on Friday, September 9, told the story of his adventures and his re turn to civilization at the meeting of the British Association for the Ad vancement of Science, at Bristol. M. Rougemont's tale has aroused nnusual interest. ' It is said that his story has been investigated by famous geographers like Keltie and Mill, and found to have every evidence of truth. It was probably because of this under standing that he. received an invita tion from so staid and distinguished a body as the British Association. Her6 it the story of his wanderings as pre pared by M. Rougemont himself. In the year 18G3 I left home, a mere youth, and engaged in a pearl-fishing venture on board the Dutoh schooner Veielland. Our pearling grounds lay between the Australian coast and Dutoh New Guinea. After about ten months the vessel was wrecked on a small coral islaud, situated about thirteen degrees south and 125 de grees east, oft" the northwest coast of Australia. I was absolutely alone, save that I had the captain's dog with me. On this island, or, rather, sand spit, I lived for two years aud under went muoh suffering. At the end of that time party of blacks, who had been blown out to eea from the Aus tralian main, were cast upon the island on a native raft, such as is nsed in fishing expeditions. After a furth er period of six months' waiting for favorable winds, we set out together iu a boat built from the wreck of the schooner, and I landed with my com panions on the coast of Australia in the year 1866 the exact locality was Cambridge Gulf, on the northwest coast. Of course, I made many ex cursions in various directions, always with the hope of reaching civilization, either overland or by sea. Evidently, howover, I drifted into the centre of the continent, and only reached civil ization in 1895, oftor an exile of up ward of thirty years. When I first landed on the Austra lian main it may be necessary to bear in mind that I was absolutely destitute without clothes, tools or instru ments of any kind, except a harpoon, stiletto and a steel tomakawk. I had no book except a New Testament in the French and English language; all maps and charts had been swept away by the heavy seas that preceded the wreck. I had no writing materials whatever; it was therefore impossible for me, even if at that time I had had the wish, to make any scientitio ob servations or to record my wanderings. For a time, however, I did make notes on the blank leaves and margins of the Testament, using blood for ink and a qnill from a wild boar as a pen. This book was, unfortunately, lost after my return to civilization in the wreck of the steamer Matnra, which was lost in the Strait of Magellan in the present year of 1898. When I landed on the continent, I believe vast tracts of it were unex plored, and certainly my own knowl edge of Australian geography was very small and vague. If I had Lnowu even the exact outline of Australia, it would have saved me many terrible journeys and years of suffering. As I have already said, I landed on the east side of Cambridge Gulf, as nearly as I can now remember, that is to say, Queen's Channel, which was the home of my native companions, who found their way back with me from the little islet by steering by the stars. For some little time I remained in ,the camp of their tribe, where I was re ceived in a most friendly way in con sequence of the introduction and representations of my native wife. This woman was one of the family of blacks that had been cost npon my islet. When we landed, nearly all the members of the tribe and many indi viduals from other tribes were gathered to see the first white man they had ever beheld. They were not so much surprised, however, at my personal appearance as at the form of my foot prints, which differed very greatly from theirs, aud the few articles I pos sessed filled them with amazement, especially my boat. This boat, which I built on the island from the wreck,' and in which I reached the mainland with the party of natives, was, unfor tunately, lost in an encounter with a whale, and with it disappeared my hopes of reaching Somerset, at Cape York, a settlement of which I had often heard the pearlers speak. Thus I was obliged to make the attempt by land, and I started with my wife about October, 18G7, intending to travel due east to the Queensland coast. After six or seven months' traveling, at first over a flat coast land diversified by isolated hills, and then through an elevated and very broken country, I reached a desolate and waterless re gion covered with spinifex, where we both suffered terribly from thirst, and but for the skill of my native wife in finding water and procuring food, I Story Told by Louis do Rougemont. should probably never have come through it. We soon found that we had come considerably further south than we intended, and so we struck due north and eventually reached a flooded river flowing eastward, which presently led ns to the sea. This river was proba bly the Ropa, entering the Gulf of Carpentaria, but as J did not know of the existence of such a gulf I believed we had reached the Queensland coast, and I at onee inquired of the tribes we met for the nearest settlement of white men, Theso natives were the most savage and hostile I ever 'en countered in all my wanderings. They attacked at night, but, having been warned by my native wife, we retired from our gunyab, or shelter of boughs, and slept in the bush without a fire. In the morning we would find our shelter riddled with spears. At length, after several months of coasting, we found the land trending to the west ; and here, at Radio's Bay probably, we found a Malay proa. We landed on the northern coast of Mel ville Island, and after we had again reached the coast of the mainland through Aspley Strait, we experienced a terrible storm, which must have driven us past Fort Darwin. For whole nights my native wife and I would be immersed in the sea, cling ing on to the gunwale of our frail craft. At last, about eighteen months after we had loft my wife's home in the Cambridge Gulf region, we one day recognized certain islands aud also the coast, and soon afterward we fouud ourselves, to my great surprise, at the very spot from whioh we had started. The next attempt I made was to the southwest, starting after some months of rest, and coasting in the dugout as far as King's Sound. T landed upon and explored many of the islands dot ted along that extensive stretch of coast, and in some of them I found caves with rude drawiugs on the rooks. On what was probably Bigge's Island I fouud a cairn of stones, whioh I readily saw must have been the handiwork of a white man. We returned to the old camp overland, crossing the King Leopold ranges, whioh were finely wooded, and ap peared to be largely composed of granite. We next struck what was probably the Orde River, which we followed down to Cambridge Gulf, and re turned along the coast to our own home. On returning from this jour ney I felt little inclination to make another attempt, and for three years I lived among the natives, becoming ao customed to the life and finding it not disagreeable. The desire to reach civilization returned, and about the year 1873 I started with my wife, re solving this time to cross the conti nent to the south, as x knew in a vague kind of way that there were great towns on the coast somewhere to the south. I had only the very haziest idea, however, of their posi tion. The tribes were very numer ous, and altogether it was very thickly populated. I never traveled due south, but found it expeditious to go from tribe to tribe and from water hole to waterhole. Besides having my native wife with me, I was armed with a certain mystio message stick and, best of all, I had the power of amus ing the tribes by means of acrobatio performances, my steel weapons, and the bark of my dog, who could also go through a little performance on his own account, dancing to the tune of my reed whistle. I emphasize these things because they saved my life over and over again. When we were perhaps seven months out we came suddenly upon four white men. At this time we were with a small party of blacks, who were on a punitive expedition. The party had already been attacked by these same white men and had retaliated, and, therefore, they were by no means disposed to be friendly. Naturally, in the excitement of the moment, I forgot that I was virtually a black man myself, and rushed npon them, but they promptly fired upon ns and retreated. I now know them to have been the Giles expedition of 1874. I should point out that I was perfectly naked, like the savages, and was anointed with the same protective covering of black, greasy clay which is used by the natives to ward off cold and the attacks of insects, but apart from this, the sun had long sinoe tanned my skin out of all resemblance to a European. Repulsed in this way more than onco, I despaired of ever making my real character known. Two or three weeks after the en counter my wife came npon the tracks of a man whom she described as a white man, and as a man no longer in his senses. She deducted this latter fact from the eccentric circles which the tracks followed. Following up these tracks, we did find a white man alone and dying from thirst. He was hopelessly imbecile. He lived with me for two years, a serious incum brance, and never regained his in telligence until just before he died. He asked who I was, and where he was, and then he said his name was Gibson, aud that he had been a mem ber of the Giles expedition. The place where he was lost was, I now understand, called by the Giles ex pedition "Gibson's Desert," and it lies in the southeast of Western Aus tralia. After Gibson's death I made up my mind to end my days iu solitude, and the reason for this was partly that I seemed doomed to disappointment every time au opportunity offered it self to return to civilization, and partly, also, on the urgent solicitations of my wife and the tribes with whom I lived. They pointed out to me that I hr I everything a man could want, and that I could be King among them. It was, moreover, quite evident to them that my fellow white men did not want me. Thus for something like twenty years I made my home with them in the mountainous region near the centre of the continent, where I ultimately became King or ruler over a number of large tribes. From this mountain home I made frequent long journeys aud traversed at one time or another a great part of the in terior of the continent. Once I followed on the camel track of a white party with the tribe for the purpose of picking up empty tins and for other things useful to ns, and I came upon an Australian newspaper. I remember it was the Sydney Town and Country Journal, hearing date somewhere between 1871 and 1876. It was a surprise indeed. I read it over and over, until I had learned it by heart, and I preserved it in an opossum skin cover until it was liter ally woru to pieces. Much of the information this news paper contained puzzled me greatly, and I nearly worried myself into in sanity over a statement that "the deputies of Alsace and Lorraine had refused to vote in the German Parlia ment and had walked out." Turn it over how I might, I could not under stand how the representatives of two great departments in my own country could possibly be in the German Par liament knowing absolutely nothing, of oourso, of the war of 1870. The tribe over which I reigned was composed of beings wto were certain ly low down in the human scale, but at the same time they have elaborate laws which govern their daily life pre cisely as in the cate of civilized peo ple. They ore savages, repulsive in appearanoe, who have not even risen to such a point of civilization as to have permanent houses, abdicted to cannibalism, aud altogether of a very degraded type. While my natives did not, as a rule, paint the body on great occasions, such as corroborees, iuitation ceremonies and other festivities, they print and decorate themselves elaborately, each tribe having its own design of decora tion, and even a geometrical design for each ceremony. The pigments used in decoration are of many colors, but chiefly yellow, red, white and black. Ordinarily the only clothing known consists of a coating of greasy clay, mixed with charcoal. This serves many purposes. It keeps off the cold during the winter, and is also a pro tection against the attacks of insects. In summer a special kind of pigment is used to keep off insects, and this material is sconted with a kind of pennyroyal. Cannibalism prevails to a very great extent, but is governed by many rules. Usually it is the slain victims in battle that are eaten by the victorious side, and as the object seems to be to ac quire the valor and virtues of the per son eaten I endeavored to wean the tribes from cannibalism by assuring them that, if they made bracelets, anklets and necklaces out of the dead man's hair, they wonld achieve their end equally well. When a family grows too large, and the mother be ing the beast of burden is nnable to carry one of the children, the father orders it to be clubbed and eaten. This, however, is entirely actuated by love, as the natives have' a horror of natural decay. Maimed and deformed children are also killed and eaten. Women and people who die a natural death are never eaten. When a man has to be eaten there is always a grand corroboree. The natives are not aishamed to confessed cannibalism, nor is an individual considered unclean after joining in a feast. From this account it may appear that my natives were not a pleasant people to live among. But I found the reverse to be the case. They were al ways cheerful, obedient and defer ential in their manner, and many times did I owe my life to the care ex ercised by my faithful native wife. It was possible to devise many occupa tions, whioh were at least sufficent to pass the time. For amusement I nsed to search the beds of the watercourses for curions stones. In a great many of these watercourses I found both coarse and find gold, and in some in stances the creeks were extremely rich in alluvial gold. I found great quantities of gem stones of every shape and color, which could be distinguished by look ing through them when wet. In some cases the prevailing color of the stones wonld be various shades of red, in others blue, and in rarer cases green. This I took respectively to be ruby, sapphire and emerald. On occasion I came across a range of granite hills extending several miles, and the ad jacent creeks contained large quanti ties of pieces of broken reefs and lodes and water-worn pebbles, also immense quantities of heavy black sand, which 1 supposed to be iron, but which I now know to be tin. In another district I found large quanti ties of native copper lying about in pieces. My wild life came to an end at last. An epidemic of influenza swept over the country and carried off my wife. My surviving children were also swept awny. Thus left alone, without the old interests that has made life toler able, I determined to make a last effort to reach my own people, and leaving my mountain home I set out for the southwest. On this, however, as in all my journeys, I was never able to take a direct line, but had to go hither and thither with the tribes among whom I was sojourning. After a time I fouud a tree marked Forrest, the name of the explorer who had passed that way, and turning south I at length met party of proipectori many days north of Mount Marga, the nearest camp. Taught by bitter previous experi ence, I knew that before I could ap pear among the whites I should have to get some of my natives to procure some - clothes for me by any means known to them. When at length I presented myself before the white men I was afraid they did not at first look with favor on their guest. I an swered their questions, and when they heard I was without mates and had been journeying hither from the in terior for nine or ten months they were convinced I was a person of intellect. A question of my own, "What year is this?" convinced them altogether that they were right in their conjecture. However, in the end I obtained help aud work, aud in 1895 I reaohed Melbourne, whence by slow stages and not without difficul ties I got baok to Europe. ROOFING A FARM. Remarkable Precautions to Protect a I California Orchard From Frost. Frost is a frequent feature of orange growing in.California and many de vices for keeping it from harming the orchards have been tried from time to time with only partial success. During the day the earth and trees become warm, but as the night cools the atmosphere the process of radia tion sets in and the heat from the earth and the trees is carried off, the cold, frosty atmosphere taking its place. This warm air must not be allowed to escape. The fact was evident that the trees must be covered. A fog wonld do this effectually, but fogs cannot be manufactured to order. The idea was oonceived by a Mr. Everest of covering the orchard with canvas, which could be rolled np in the morning and let out at night. One aore was covered, in this way and it was found to be expensive and un stable, as the canvas would get wet and decay. Then Mr. Everest thought of a covering ; of leather, and it was tried, was a success aud to-day is an accomplished fact. A visit to this ranoh would remove any doubts one might have regarding the feasibility of the new plan. A dial set in the ceiling of the house at the head of the stairs indicates the direc tion of the wind at any time of the night or day. At another place cau be seen a system of electrio bells. These ring when the thermometer has fallen to a dangerous temperature. The men are then called np and a pro cess of firing up is commenced. And yet with all these precautions the frost has often been too quick. Now the trees are roofed in with canvas and laths. Although this shel ter has been used over but fifteen acres, the entire ranoh will be covered as soon as the work can be done. Last spring the fruit which was covered matured perfeotly, while that uncov ered was more or less injured. The operation is perhaps considered an expensive one, but when the value of a crop is considered it is infinitesi mal. The cost is about $100 to the acre. It has been demonstrated that the temperature is some five degrees higher under the cover than outside, with no fire at all, while with a small fire the temperature can be brought up eight degrees higher. With this cover the rancher is absolutely sure of a crop from any citrus orchard. San Franoisco Call. SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL. Flour molded into bricks by hydrau lio pressure is reduced two-thirds in bulk, and rendered proof against damp. By moans of a toughening process, recently discovered, glass may now bo moulded into lengths and used as railway sleepers. Cast iron is now being nsed for stills for concentrating sulphurio acid, and it is confidently anticipated that it will supercede both glass and platinum or that purpose. M. Victor, the French naturalist, says that a toad will live twenty-eight months completely embedded in plaster of paris poured on at a liquid, and then allowed to harden. Guttapercha from the leaves of the caoutchouo tree is now being nsed by French makers of submarine cables. It has all the advantages of the pro duct from incision into the tree, while less expensive and more durable. A new kind of carbon for aro lamps is reported to have been patented in Russia. It is made from ninety per cent, of very pure carbon and ten per cent, of carburet of silicinm, the in gredients being very finely pulverized and agglomerated with pitch. To increase the durability of lime stones nsed for buildings, a French engineer proposes to coat their sur faces with a solution of hydrate ot baryta, which is finally converted into barium carbonate or sulphate, both of which are hard and insoluble. Knew Hie Business. A baby beaver was caught and given to a gentleman as a pet. Beav ers, as you know, build dams in which they can make their honses. But here was this poor baby living in a house where there was no possibility of his having the kind of a home that he would love to have. One day when the little beaver was in the kitchen, a leaky pail was put on the floor. The moment the baby beaver saw the water running in a little stream across the floor he ran out in the yard, and appeared in a minute with a chip. The gentleman who owned the beaver was called to see him. The chip was placed in such a way as to stop the water, and the beaver hurried out and came in with another bit of wood, and then some mud. Orders were given that the beaver was not to be disturbed, but allowed to work out his plan; aud in four weeks he bad built a solid dam around the pail in which was the water, The Outlook, THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE. STORIES TOLD BY THE FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Lire Enough For Row A la Mode Hard to I'nderstand What He Could lie Her Answer Slightly Paradoxi calA Modern Idyll WeU Fitted, Etc. A little work, a little play, And that Is life, some people say; But not, aliis! for the married man. He works nil day, and when it's o'er Ho sings the while he walks the floor, And sleeps a hit whene'er he can. Enough For a How. "Pa, what ore the dogs of war?" "Well, your mother's fine poodle and that mongrel pup next door." Detroit Free Press. Hard to Understand. "The English language lacks lots of being a dead language." "Yes; and it is a wonder, too. It gets butchered so much." Detroit Free Press. A la Mode. The Saphead "How aro yon get ting along with your chain of evi dence?" The Sleuth "Oh, this is an up-to-date case! It is chainless." What Ho Could lie. "Where are yon going, my pretty maid?" "I'm going a-golfing, sir," she said. "May I go too?" "Why, yes, iu laddie. You may go 'I0U5 and be the caddie." Life. Slightly Paradoxical. "Misery loves company," thought the philosopher. Whereupon, in tho very goodness of his heart he went out into the world 'and searched until he had found mis ery. And he was happy. Her Answer. "I am much flattered by your pro posal, Count," said the girl with a wealthy pa. "And le beant'fnl Amerioaine weal not say me nay?" "Oh, no; simply nit!" Philadel phia North American. A Modern Idyll. "I'll woo thee iu the moonlight," sang the lover to his girl, who was gazing fondly on him from the caso ment. "It's much cheaper than the gas light," song her father, the old cunrl, who was taking observations Iruui tho basement. Tit-Bits. Well Fitted. Mrs. Subbnbs "I can't see why that Clarence Daffy was choseu as one of the members of our village baud. He is such a donkey!" Mr. Subbnbs "That's where he has a decided advantage over the rest of the band, my dear. You know they all play by ear." Puck. Strictly IluaineM. "Young man," said tho young wom an's father, "you havo boasted sev eral times that you possess an honored name." "Yes, sir," replied the foroign suitor, haughtily. "Well, may I inquire what bank it will be honored at and fo" ho v much?" Washington Star. Why Willie Stopped Riulllnir. The salesman was showing Willie the new styles of golf stockings, nud said: "You havo just tho legs to dis play this pattern." "Yes?" murmured Willio, with a complacent smile. "They are long and the samo size all the way np," continued the clerk, and the smile faded away. Spokesman-Review. or Itaro Originality. "I do so admire Mr. Steddygate," said the young woman. "He is so original." "Really, Miss rhilippers," said the bright young man, "you should not be so sarcastic." "I'm not. He is the only man I know who is not always trying to say something bright and new." Indian apolis Journal. The Usutl Progress. Wheeler "I wonder what has be come of Walker; I haven't seen him for a week." Ryder "I saw his wife yesterday. She said he was learning to ride & wheel." Wheeler "How's he gottinf, along?" Ryder "On crutches, I believe." Chicago News. No Complaints. Horse Dealer "Well, John, how about that horse I Bold you? Was he quiet enough?" Undertaker "Well, sir, he li give ns a little trouble at first. We put him iu one of the mourning couches, you know, and parties dou't like to bo shook np in their grief. But we've put him in the hearse now, mid we haven't heard aay complaint so far." Household Words. The Felice of His Country, Lady "So you received that wound in defense of your country? Here is a dime for you." Tramp 'T anks, lady. j;e icnce 1 got hurted in wnz a barb-wire one just below here." Judge. A LITTLE DUTCH GARDEN. I pnssed by a garden, a little Dutoh garden, Where useful and pretty things grew Heartsease and tomatoes, And pinks and potatoes, And lilies and onions and rue. I saw in that garden, that little Dutch garden, A chubby Dutch man with a spade, And a rosy Dutch frau With a shoe like a scow, And a flaxen-haired little Dutch maid. There grew In that garden, that little D utoh garden, Blue flag flowers, lovely and tall, And ourly blush roses, And little pink posies But Oretcheu was fairer than all. My heart's in that garden, that little Dutch garden; It tumbled right in as I passed, Mid 'wllderlng mazes Of spinach and daisies, And Oretohnm is holding it fast. Hattle Whitney, in Boston Budget. HUMOR OF THE DAY. TJuzwick "What is your idea of a wife?" Wiztop "A woman who is married." Roxbury Gazette. . He "A true man will marry only for love." She "Well, what do you propose to marry for?" New York World. Mrs. Slimkins, of this town, wants her boy Johnny to join a bicycle club, "so's to V"' off the street." Roxbury w-ctto. . Teller "Sapsmith knows a good thiu when he sees it." Grimshaw- -"Yes; but, uufortunately, he has very poor eyesight." Puck. "Why is ahorse the most curious feeder in the world?" "Because he eats best when he has not a bit in his moutb." Our Dumb Animals. "Maud says she is madly in love with her new wheel." ''Huh! An other case where man is displaced by machinery." Indianapolis Journal, He was a man ot wondrous power. He made a fortune in an hour, But ere he'd time to tell the joke The ticker ticked; and he whs broke. Washington Star. The professor had fallen downstairs, and, as he thoughtfully picked him self up he remarked: "I wonder what noiee that was I just heard?" Prison Mirror. Algy "You say she only partially returned your affection?" Clarence "Yes. She returned all the love et ters, but retained all the jewelry." Tit-Bits. The New York Mau "Will the dqg eat out of your hand?" The Chicago Man "Why, bless you, I've got him so he will eat off a knife, now!" Yonkers Statesman. "George pioposed yesterday, and he said he'd be hanged if he'd take no for an answer." "And what did you say?" "I said I'd be blessed if he didn't." Brooklyn Life. Ho called her Birdie before They took the marriage vow; But her dream of bliss is o' r He calls her his parrot now. Now York World. Angry Customer "This turquoise you sold me has turned green." Calm Jeweler "My good woman, you should never have worn it where other ladies wore diamonds." Jewelers' Weekly. Mr. Eorecastle "At last I came to a place where it was so steep that it would be hardly safo even for a don key to go down so I turned back." Mrs. Downshiro Tall "Why?" Punch. He "Stop! We can't sit down here this is fresh paint." She (tear fully) "I fear you don't love 1110 blindly. If you did, you would never have seen tho paint." Fliegeude Blaetter. Brown "But why do you stop so often? Can't you keep up with me?" Typewriter (who is rather shaky iu her orthography) "Oh, yes, but your language is so eloquent that I fre quently find myself spellbound." "Well, Johnnie," said the minister to a little boy, "I hear you are going to school now." "Yes, sir," was the reply. "And what part of it do you like best?" nsked tho good man. "Comin' home" was the prompt and truthful answer. Mr. Bilking (looking np from tho paper) "The eminent physician, Dr. Greathead, says there is no exercise so conduoive to heal tlx iu woman ns ordinary housework." Mrs. Bilkius "Huh! I'll bet he's married." New York Weekly. Papa "Now, Johnny, I havo whipped you only for your owu good. I believe I have only done my duty. Tell me truly, what do you think yourself?" Johnny "If I should tell yon what I think, you'd give me au other whipping." Boston Transcript. Citizen "I hear Mr. Officeholder is dead." Statesman "Yes; he died five minutes ago." Citizen "I dis like to show any unseemly haste, but I desire to put in my application for appointment as his successor." States man "Walk into the other roo.u and take your place iu the line." New fork Weekly. He Knew a Clili krn. Quaiut sayings aud doings charac terized the children wh attended the vacation schools which wereopeu dur ing July and August of this year. Particularly when the little ones were taken to the country there was aut-X cursion each week were they ;t source of delight to tlio director and teachers of the schools. Many of tlie:it had never been 011 a street car. a train or a boat, and tliu commonest, aiglits of country life wero wonders to tin-is?. Here is one of tho incidents of i'io first trip, which was to Lincoln lu i;, One of the boys, seeing 11 diicke', asked: "Teacher, wot' i!at I'iiig':" "That is a cliicUcu. It'.s Hi ''' "Wot ye:- giviu' me? J it iiiu chicken. IU got fe.ld.-rs oil. Iki ,, a chicken, 1 KUess. My iu 1 Vt !' chicken oneet fur dnine'-, '.1' i- -'i ' ' hev nut'iu' uu but - L'hicijj Record,
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers