he Forest Republican
I published every Wednoa lay, by
J. E. WENK.
Office in Smearbangh ft Co.'i BuilClng
ELM STREET, TIONE8TA, PA.
Term. BI.OO Per Year,
No subscription received for a thorter
period than throo months.
Correspondence Bollcito 1 from all parti of
lha country. No not lot will bs taken of
RATES OF ADVERTISING!
One Fqusre, one Inch, one insertion..! 1 (X)
One Sjimr one inoh, one month. . 8
One Square, one inoh, three months. . R X
One Square, one inch, one year 10 OU
Two Squires, one yeir l-oo
Qunrter Column, one year., , S1! 01)
Half Column, one yeer
One Column, one year PXI 00
Ieeel advertisement ten cents pr line
eaoh insertion.
Marriages n 1 deith notices gratl.
All hills for yrariy advertisement collected
qunrtorly Temporary advertisements muse
be paid in advance.
Job work oAsh on delivery.
For
REPUBLICAN
VOL. XXIX. NO. 35. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, DEC. 16, 1890. S1.00 PER ANNUM.
anonymous oooiniunloailoiu.
'' ' '""
Eloctrioity is doing wonderful work.
We have tho trolley palling million,
nnd here they're commencing to draw
jetrmsi faces with the telograph.
A Japanese journal says the nee of
English is gaining over all European
languages in Jnpan, that German
comes next in popularity, and that
French is falling behind.
The per capita cost of living in New
Ron tu V a' os is the highest in the
world, being nearly 8200 per head per
nnnntn. In the United States it is
nbont 8170, in Canadn $120 and in the
United Kingdom about &1G0.
Swon Iledin, tho Swedish traveler,
laughs at the idea that China could
ever be persuaded to attack Europe or
America. Tho Chinese are convinced
that tho roldior's calling is low and
brutal, and do not care to be con
qucrors.
A medical pnper prints ttatistict
showing that in eight of our largest
Southern citios the proportion ol
deaths from consumption among the
colored race, as compared with tho
total mortality, is more than fifty per
cent, greater than that of the whito
population.
Acoording to the Naval Annual, of
the 233,000 seamen in the British
mTrchant marine only 55,000 are of
British descent, the others being
Scandinavians, Germans, Dntch, Rus
sians and Orientals. Captains say the
cause of this state of affairs is that tho
British sailor always has a grievance.
The dictum of Malthas, that "pop
ulation when unchecked goes on dould
ing iUolf every twenty-five years," bar
received soiuo support from recent in
vestigations as to the increase of the
French population in Canada, statis
tics of which go as far baok as 1705.
It has been found that the race has
- doublod itself tvery twenty-seven
years.
Potatoes teem to be low everywhere.
In a place in Brittany, Franoe, the
farmers tnude an attempt at forming a
combine, by which the price of pota
toes should bo hold at seventy cents
for a snok of 110 pounds. Some Eng
lish farmers oamo in who offered to
coll at fifty cents per sack. The
Frenchmen ret upon them and beat
them until they promised not to take
less than the fixed price.
Some English Journals once cited
the fact, in a humorous way, that
President Kruger, of tho Transvaal,
was a student of American history and
an admirer of American institutions.
Now this may be taken seriously, for
the volksraad has just passed a bill
whose draft is almost indentioal with
that of our old "alion and sedition"
laws. President Krngot may, with
the oonsont of the Exeontive Connoil,
order any suspicions stranger to leave
the territory of the republic
In the Federated Clubs of Illinois
the women are working earnestly to
improve the public sohools of the State,
With this aim, tht-y take up different
phases of school work, in the first
plaoe visiting the schools not ascritios
but as learners, so as to oo-operate
with school teachers in seenring im
provemeuts that are needed. Certain
member study the Lygienio Condi
lions of the schools, others make it
their duty to watch all school legisla
tion and to learn something of the
valne of the best new methods of edu
cation.
"Uniform gamo laws," asserts the
American Agriculturist, "are desirable
in the various States. Muoh can be
said in favor in having the close period
for shooting from January 1 to Sep
lumber 1 in all States north of the
fortieth parallel, south of that Febru
ary 1 to September 1, the close time
for game fish to be October 1 to June
I, except that the trouts may bo
caught in May and June. But the
idea of having these laws enforced by
'polioe surveillanoe' of fish and game
associations is too thin. These gentry
act as though forest and stream were
their property. They are blind to
farmers' rights.
lingo Nenmann, a Napoleon of
finance who had met hia.Waterloo, is
now in the insane asylum. He had a
genius for business such as is seldom
found in conventional Germany. He
built and owned a magnittoent house,
although he never had paid a pfennig
on it. Ho started an enormous be
cycle factory entirely on wind aud
credit. He lived like a multi-millionaire.
Hii favorite carriage was lighted
by electricity and each horse had an
incandescent lamp fubteued ir front.
Under the seat of the carriage was a
fine uiuuio box of peculiar design
which played on the owner setting in.
His creditors number more than 1000,
u Rbteie Ilia uu.
CARE'3 SLAVfc".
It was tho budding Mny-timi.
The white boughs overhead ;
"Oh, (Jive to me Rome plny-tlmo,
Good Master Care," I said.
I Jaw Ms head b"(jin to shako
"Not now, Just wait and see
I'll Klvoto you a holiday .
When planting's done," said he.
It was the (rrowioir summer;
How cool the woodland's shade?
A'Jtaln an enger comer,
"Oh, Rive to-day!" I prayed.
Old Master Care his forehead knit:
"The grnss Is rlpn to mow;
Work on till haying-time Is iftst,
And then I'll let you go,"
It wns the glnd September;
Tho maple leaves wore red;
"Oh, Master Care! Jtemembcr,
You promised me," I said.
"And you will find," ho answered me,
"I'll keep my promise truo,
And you may sport whoa harvost's done,
With nothing olso to do."
Now wlutor winds are blowing,
(How weak I feol and old!)
And, by tho hearth bright glowlup,
I shiver with the cold.
And Care si's down beside me,
And counts up, one by one,
The task that I have done amies,
Or I have left undouo;
While I, low muttering to myself,
Wish I had laughed and sung,
An 1 had my share of honest Jjy
When I was strong and young.
Mnnon Doulas, la Harper's Bazar,
THE MIDNKillT WATCH.
T was during the
time of my con
neotion with the
Blankborongb
police force that
tho incident re
lated in the fol
lowing lines oo-
currod. Although
there Is nothing startling in the do
tails, and tho uuraveling of the mys
tery with which they deal required no
great amount of sagsoity on my part,
still I am inclined to think that there
is sufficient interest about the affair
to warrant making it pnblio.
I waB encased with the superintend
ent one morning on some routine busi
ness when a note was handed in from
Mr. Bridgnorth, a well-known solicitor
praetioing in the town. The superin
tendent rend tne missive ana men
turced to mo.
"It is ease of pilfering, Sampson,
he said, "ond the thief, of course, can
not be discovered. There is nothing
requiring your sorvice this morning
aro and see what you can do in the
matter.
1 put on my hat and went as direct
ed. Mr. Bridgnorth s place was well
known to me, ond I was soon the oo
cupant of a seat in the privato room
at his office.
"I have been a good deal concerned
of lftto," said the solioitor, turning to
(ho business at once, "about the ab
straction of certain sums of money
from my cash-box in my desk, and as
1 fear that I am being robbed by some
one in the office, and omnot put my
hand on tho actual offender, I am
oompellcd to soek the aid of the po
lice." "Quite so, sir," I said, "and it will
be both the duty and the pleasure of
the foroe, and of myself, to give you
every possible assistance iu the mat
ter, llow ljng havo the pilferings
been going on?" I asked.
"About a week or ten days," was
the reply ; "and the robberies always
take plaoe l night, after the office is
Closed."
"How do you know that?"
"Because I count the cash in my
desk every evening before locking
up, when everybody has left, and
ogam the next morning, before any
one arrives," said Mr. Bridgnorth.
"What are the amounts you have
missed?"
"They have varied. One night five
nounds were taken, another seven, a
third three, ond so ou. Altogether I
have been robbed of nfty-nve sover
eigns, and I don't know where it is
going to end.
"Have you any suspicion as to whom
the thief may be?"
"None whatever unless " Mr.
Bridgnorth hesitated.
"Go on, sir," I said. "Give ex
pression to your thoughts, they may
furnish a clue."
"1 was gorug to say," continued the
solioitor, "with some apparent roluct
auce, "unless it bo Hartley: but I
oannot believe him guilty of suoh a
thing," he a ided.
"Who is Hartley?" I asked.
"My oonUdoutial clerk," replied
Mr. Bridgnorth. "He hoe been with
mo ever since ho was a boy, and bis
oharaoter has always been above sus
picion." "Then why should his name ocour
to yon in connection with thess
thefts?" I queried.
"Well, it is like this," said the so
licitor. "Hartley and I are the only
persons who sleep on the premises,
and as there are no signs of burglari
ous entry, and the thefts always take
place in the night, I am in spite of
myself driven to a certain oonclu
Biou." "The natural one, in the circum
stances," I ventured. "But toll me,
yon keep several clerks in addition t J
Hartley ?"
"Yes; four othors."
"At what time do they leave?"
"Six o'clock."
'When do you lock up?" '
"About half-pabt six or seven."
"You lock your desk aud tho office
door?"
"Yes."
"Does anyone besido yourself pos
aess keyset either?"
"Hartley does, of both."
"Aud you uy he bleeps on tho
premises V"
"Yen."
"So one eke?
"Mvf-elf."
r.nt. mn Aii not. liv here. Mr.
Bridanorth?"
Onilo so. Mv residence is on the my
outskirts of the town, but for several
nights I havo been sleeping at the of'
dee."
In order to catch the thief? I
queried.
"Indcod, that was not my moiive ai
all." said the lawyer, qnickly. "And,
as a matter of fact, the robberies nave
onlvocoured since my sojourn in the
place ; tuey never once napponeu ue
fore." Vorv likelv. But, assuming that
Hartley is tho thief, oan you suggest a
motive for las pilfenngsr l asked
"None whatever, whs the reply.
"What kind of a life does he lead?
Steady?
"Nobody more so.
"Doepn't bet or Ramble?"
"Neither, to my knowledge. IIo is
engagid to a very respectable girl, and
I know, as a faet, that he shortly con
templates houBckecpioar."
"Ah I there is a motive for pilfer
log!" I said, with a shrug of the
shoulders.
"How bo?" asked tho solioitor,
"Why, ft houso requires furniture,
and furniture oosts money, l said.
"Then you thiuk that Hartley is
helping himself to my cash in order to
nil li 1 1 1
'It looks remarkably nao it. i re-
n.,f rv sl.nl nrnbnbl v nnn.
ni -a i,a nnt nharcnil him
with the thefts?"
"No, for
of his truilt,
I canr-ot persuade mysolf
"And he hn no knowledge
of the
objeot of my vi it?"
"None, bo far as I am aware."
"Very well, let him keep in tho dark
for tho present. Meanwhile, can
you tell me your objeot for sleeping
on thoso promises for tho last few
niebts?"
"Well." said Mr. Bridgnorth,
slowlv: "it is this. For somo little
time I have found myself out of sorts
There is nothing really the matter
with me, that I know c but I have
been spending a lot of restless nights,
either getting no sleep at all, or only
sufficient to do me little good. Under
tl e impression that a change of opart
ments is sometimes a remedy for in
somnia, I decided, as I am a bachelor
and have only myself to please, that
for a night or two I would sleep here,
where there ia plenty of room and
ample accommodation.
"I see."
"Well," went on the solicitor, "the
ohange answered admirably. From
the very urst nigut 1 slept soundly,
save for some persistent dreaming,
which nightly haunts me and leaves
me somewhat unrefreahed in the
morniug. The old woman who comes
in to do for Hartley finds it little cx
tra work to prepare a dormitory for
me, bo I havo remained for the pres
ent. That is the explanation."
"Thank you, sir. Wo will now try
and run this thief to earth. What I
propose is very simple. Find me a
hiding-place here to-night a screen
or a cupboard will do, for I am used
to cramped quarters and 1 will Bee
what is to be Been. Lock your desk
and door as usual, but provide- me
with a koy of the latter for use ii
needful."
Mr. Bridgnorth agreed, and shortly
after I took my departure. As 1
uassed through tho outer room I got a
iook ot tho clerks, aud iu particular
to Hartley, which I was enabled to do
without suspicion. Judging iront ap
pearanccs, the fellow looked anything
but a thief, naving a frank:, open
countenanoe, and lacking altogether
the Bhiftiuess of vision characteristic
of olraost every roguo. Aware, how
ever, that there is nothing more do
oentive than externals, I went away,
little doubting that Hartley was my
man.
Late that evening I presented myself
at Mr. Bridgnorth s door, and was re
ceived by the gcutlemau in person
The office was olosed, the clerks had
all cone home, and Hartley was out,
presumably love making. Mr. Bridg
north found little dillloulty in seour
insr me a retreat behind a cabinet
which stood in one cornorof the office.
and here I cneoouced myself with as
much comfort as tho oironmstances
permitted.
At half -past ten the solioitor retired
looking both his desk and the oilioo
door before going upstairs, aud pro
viding me with a duplicate key of the
latter, as I had desired. Hartley
would be home, ho informod me, about
eleven o'clock, and would doubtless go
straight to his room
The lawyer's estimato proved cor
rect, for almost exaetly on tho stroke
of the hour, a key turned in tho look
of the outer door and the confidential
clerk entered. He had no oooasion to
come into the office in order to reaoh
his apartment, but ou his way past it
he paused a moment aud tried the
handle of tha door, and, finding it
fastened, went ou bU way. A minute
later I heard tho closing of his chaui
ber door and my watch began.
The time passed Mowly away
Twelve o'clock struck, then one, then
tno, and I had begun to thiuk that my
vigil would be in vain, when, in the
btillness of the night, I heard o door
softly opened (.bove, aud a cautious
looUtep slowly descended the stairs.
It paused at the foot of them, olose to
the door of the room iu which 1 lay
hid, aud I next heard the jinghug of o
bunch of keys, as if the possessor of
them was selecting the right one to tit
tho lock. A moment later the portul
opened ond the pilferer entered.
Tho plaoe was in darkness, and I
had to strain my eyes to watch his
movement. The lantern I had with
mo I did not desiro tj use until the
right moment, for it was my hope to
cupture the thief iu the very not of
his larceny. I La i not long to wait.
Wrapped iu a long gown, aud without
shoes on his feet, the pilferer glided
steadily to the desk, aud fitted a key
ito tho lock, lilted tlio lid. lie tnon
opened the cash box ond toon out
some ol too coins,
Now was my time. dipping from
niuing piace, x lurneu on iue iu
tern and confronted the culprit.
As
I did so, I gave a start ot surprise, for
tho man I encountered was Mr. Bridg
north himself, and I could tell by his
olosed eyes that ho was fast asleep,
and, of course, quite unaware what he
wai doing.
Seeing that the light from my lan
tern bothered him somewhat (for he
passed his hand several times dreamily
across his face), I replaced tho shade,
and the somnambulist at once closed
and fastened tho desk, and then walked
out of the ofTlce, lock.ing the door be
hind him. Noiselessly 1 reopened it
and followed him.
He retraced his steps up the stairs,
and, going to a cupboard on the land
ing, stooued down, rummaging a seo-
ond or two among samo old rubbish ol
the bottom, and seeming to deposit
his coinB there. He then entered n
chambered joining. Poeringcautiously
into this, I saw tho sleeper divest Him
self of his gown, and get unconsciously
into the bod ho had a few minutes Do
fore left.
"Well, Sampson," said Mr. Erid
north, when ho came down the next
morning, "what is the result ol your
...... ... i
" " "i'V"
"And 18 it IS It Harney I 1U
quired tho solicitor, anxiously.
"No. ia not .1Iar.,ey" I.6ftitl'
"Thank God for thatl" cjaoulated
the lawyer, fervently, as if the state
ment of the fact relieved him. "But
then," he asked, with some surprise,
"who is the culprit?
Beforo I toll you that," I roplied,
kindly seo how much you hove been
robbed of during the night."
He went to his desk, counted over
the coins and said : ,
"Four pounds I"
"That makes in all ?" I queried.
"Fifty-nine I"
"Come with me Mr. Bridgnorth," I
said. "I should not bo surprised if I
can put you in possession of your
money 1
With a puzzled air the lawyer fol
lowed me up tho stairs to the cupboard
I have mentioned, the door of which
I opened. A pained expression came
over the mau n face as no watcueu me.
"How strange 1" he murmured, halt
to himself, half to me. "I hove been
dreaming every night of the reoess in
connection with these pilferings, nnd
the things inside it oil seem familiar
to me, though I have never once seen
them before."
"Stoop down, sir, and feel in that
corner, I said.
He did 08 I bade, and drew ont sov
ereign after soverign.
"Count them," 1 said, when be had
got all that he oould find.
"i if ty-nine 1 be exclaimed, going
over the pieces one by ono. "lueei'
aot amount of my losses I"
"Just so, I said ; "and now, if you
will come back to the office, I will tell
you who is tho thief, before Hartley
comes down."
We returned to his room, and there
I informed h in, to his intense aston
ishment, of whr.t I had witnessed. "If
you will pardon the liberty, sir," I
said, at the oonolusion of the narra
tion, "I should advise you to see a
doctor. You are evidently Buffering
from some mental affection, which, if
neglected, may develop into a disease,
tho effect of whioh you cannot fore
see."
The lawyer acted ou my suggestion,
and called in a specialist, who ordered
htm a prolonged rest. A trying and
complicated case in whioh he bad been
recently engaged had apparently
proved too muoh for him, and brought
on this peculiar form ot brain trouble.
When lust I heard of him he had re'
turned Beemiugly quite 'restored ; and
Hartley, his confidential clerk, mar
ried to a charming wife, was abont to
be taken into partnership with him.
Human I'onl.
An English authority informs ns
that an audience of '20 JO people, lis
tening for two honrs to a concert, ore
not only cultivating ond indulging
their musical taste, but ore engaged in
tho somewhat prosaio occupation of
producing no less than one hundred
weight of ooal and seventeen gallons
of water from the impurities and mois
ture of their own breath, and that if
they wore all performing themselves,
instead of listening, this quantity
would be nearly doubled.
It is far more wholesome to drink
the undiluted water of the Thames at
Blackwnll than to breathe the air ot a
crowded and unveutilated room, and
how cleanly people can be content to
do bo is only explicable on the princi
ple that what the eye does not see the
heart does not giieve over. New York
Journal.
linrlng Deep Holes,
The Prussian Government has, for
the purpose of examining geological
ooudition of ground, drilled a number
of bore holes through the ooal fields
of upper Silesia. The deepest hole so
far drilled, which is probably also the
deepest in the world, has a total depth
of bold feet. Tho work upou this
boring was completed iu 3'J9 days,
whioh gives an average ot a little over
sixteen feet per day. ihe cost was
$19,0110, or almost $3 per running
foot. During the last fifteen years
the Prussian Government has had
about 400 borings drilled in various
localities, for which altogether more
than 8:5,000,003 was spent. The total
length ol these holos is 4'JD,UUU feet,
tho average cost being about $7 per
foot.
Greatest Potato Eaters.
Tho greatest potato eaters are the
people of Germany nnd Belgium.
Their consumption ot this vegetable
averages 100 pound per annum foi
each person.
(SCIENTIFIC AS1 IXDUSTKUl
Eleotrioity runs a Dorry (Conn.)
shoo mill.
Compressed air is to be intro.lnoed
as a motive power on the ban l ron
oisco street cars,
In
The world's population is said to
average 109 women to every 100 men,
while eight-ninths of tne suaaen
deaths are of male'.
The tuberonlin test was applied to
139 oowa the other day at dairies sup
plying the northern part of New York
City. It was found that twenty-seven
ot the animals had tuberoulosie.
Lighthing is zigzag became, as it
condenses the air in the imniodiato ad
vance of its path it flies from Rido to
Bide in order to pass where there is
the least resistance to its progress.
The longest commercial distance at
whioh tho long-distinoo tolepbono is
now operated is from Boston to St.
Louis, a distanoe 1400 miles. This
line is more than twioe as long as any
European telephone lino.
Spectroscope analysis has been ap
plied in England to the determination
of the constituent elements in alloys
and their quantities. Tests can thus
be applied to objects made of precious
metals,Jwilhout the injury whioh would
result from a chemical analysis.
The distinction among animals of
requiring least sleep belongs to the
elephant. In spite of its capaoity for
hard work tneelophant seldom, if ever,
sleeps more than four or, occasionally,
five hours. For two hours bofore mid
night, and again for two hours after
one o'clock, these mis-born mountains
sleep.
A new illuminating gas made from
petroleum has beon produoed in Ger
many, it is asserted, can bo supplied
of a quality equal to the best existing
photometrio standard at a oost of
twenty-five oents a thousand feet. The
generative plant is simple ; ono able to
keep np a nun urea ngnts can do puik
for 8150.
A member of the Zurioh Medical
Society reoently exhibited a self-
registering clinical thermometer on
whioh there were no degree marks.
Tho instrument could be left with the
patient's family to take the tempera
ture in the absenoo of the physician,
and the latter could then read it by
means of an attachable scale of glass
or metal.
It the people on the star Sirius havo
telescopes powerful enough to distin
guish objects on thin planet, and are
looking at it now, they are witnessing
the d os traction of Jerusalem, which
took plaoe over 1300 years ago. Of
oourso the reason of this is that the
light whioh the world reflects, travel
ing, as it does, at the rate 180,000
miles a second, would take eighteen
oenturies to reach the nearest fixod
star, Suoh is the immensity of spaoe.
Turkish BatlH for Horses.
The ordinary horse bath with tho
sprinkling hose or a drive into somo
convenient pond is absolutely dis
counted in tho French oapital, whero
a Turkish bith establishment for
ea nines and dogs has beon opened.
This inoludes all the luxuries of a
shampoo and other Oriental trim
mings. The bath bouse is designed on
the same linos as that where men and
women go to bathe, but the rooms are
muoli larger. Three large rooms are
oonneoted with each other by wido
doors. A horse to be operated upon
is first taken to the back room. This
is divided into fair-sized stalls. The
horse is tied up to a ring in the stall,
ond the room is filled with steam to
100 degrees Fahreuheit)through a stoain
ooil concealed in the wall of the room,
Usually a half-hour expires before the
horse is in a profuse prospiration and
ready to be taken out although sick
horses are not allowed in the bath
long as that.
The horse is then led to the middle
room, wnien is also divided into staus.
In this room a temperaturo of 10j
Fahrenheit is kept up with hot air.
The flow of perspiration beguu by tho
steam is increased, and another fifteen
minutes are consumed befora tho
horse is ready for the shower bath,
which is given through an arrange
ment in the ceiling, two attendants
standing at eaoh side of the horse.
They rub ond Bcrapo off the perspira
tion and water with smooth, uexibie
Borapers of hard wood. After the
shower, which lasts for fifteen min-
ntcs, the- animal ia given a gentle
shampoo with soft brushes. A drink
la administered, and tho horse is driod
with warm, dry clotht. ht. Louis Ue-
public
Moisture nnd Vegetation.
The influence of moisturo on vege
tation has been found by M. Edmond
Gain to vary greatly at different
ceriods in tho growth of tho plants.
As a rule water is urgently needed
when the first leaves ure nppeuriug,
then little is called for until just bo
fore blossoming, when a large supply
is demanded. The fiuit id best per
fected in comparative dryness. Very
few plants require constant moibture,
and in all experiments tried the plants
that were watt-red at the two critical
seasons of tirt growth and the begin
ning of blossoming did ai well as thoso
that were constantly watered. Mois
ture in the soil favored iuereuso iu tho
number of fr'lit, seedsand rootu, while
dryness tended to promote greater size
and perfection of.ieeds and tubers.
Hoarding Houses for 1'liiut.i.
"Boarding houses for plants ii a
continental idea whioh is declared to
be very successful. When a house
holder goes uway in tho uutumu ho
takes oil his valuable plants and do-
posits them, ut a small charge, iu tho
care oi a HorUt. lie leaves home
beouro in tho knowledge that tiny will
receive uroner attention during hit
absence, aud will bo frcah uu 1 turn
ing to welcome him buck ujUji.
Pittsburg Dispatch.
THE MERRY SIDE OE LIFE.
6TORIE3 THAT ARTS T01.D BT THE
FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS.
Costume t'ndergolng Itepalrs--So
Far n He Knew fussy lie
lleved Him, Ktc, Ktc.
When the autumn days eomo stealing,
With tomntntions to a spin,
The wholo family goes n-wheolln
If the leisure we can win.
And my boy nnd girl, their mother.
And myself to set the pace,
Love to banter one another
To the chances of a rnoe.
There has come a likeness striking
We've ben told It o'er and o'"r
When we've dressed ourselves forblkinp,
That was nevor seen before.
For the girl looks like her brother,
8o the neighbors nil agree,
And our son looks like his mother
And our daughter looks like me.
Washington Star.
CONSIPKRtNO HIS HEALTH.
Cleverton "You didn't take any
vacation this year, did you?"
Dashaway "No. I thought I needed
the rest. Life.
A NECKSRAIlY lNFFJtEXL'fe.
Mamma "Mrs. Brown says her
little boy looks very muoh like ours."
Papa "Then ours must be better
looking." Puck.
CNDKRnOTNO BEPATH8.
Lilli (at a soiree, whispering)
"What has beoomo of Aunt Lucie's
habitual smile?"
Erna "It is at tho dentist's." Tit
Bits.
80 PAR AS HE KNEW.
"Are you well?"
"I believe so, yet I can't say posi
tively ; I havon't had time to look up
the new diseases in to-day'B paper."
Judge.
FUSSY.
"That young Pilling is a fussy fel
low."
I should say he was. When ho
parts his hair in the middle he counts
Leader.
A DISCOURAGER.
Dilettante (very pressing) "I
should like bo much to write for your
newspaper. One side of the paper has
to be blank, basn t it
Editor "No; both I" i liegendo
Blaetter.
BELIEVED' HIM. .
He (indignantly) "I beg your
pardon, miss, but I always keep my
word.
She .(oomplacontly) I can easily
believe that, for no one would take it.
Washington Tines.
. .ACCEPTED.
Sho "My tongue fails mb, darling,
when I try to express; ;niy love for
yon."
He "Never mind, my own. Money
talks more eloquently than you could
hope to do. Detroit i''roe .tress.
A COMPARISON. . .
"Women have more sonso about
marriage than men. .
"You oan t prove it. . ;
"Yes. I can. A woman know when
she is old, but os long ns a .man can.
totter tie cons idf.rs hlmsejf marriage-.
able." Chicago Kocord.
BICYCLE FOLDING BED.
"You don't seem to have the sort of
folding bed I want," Baid the custom
er, after looking through the furniture
man s stook.
"What sort of a folding bed are you
looking for?" asked the clerk.
"I want one which 1 can use as a ui-
oyclo in tho daytime. ' Harpor
Bazar.
A NATURAL REFLECTION.
Ho had boon looking over the as
sortment of collars that tho olerk hud
Dut out for his inspection, and had
r . . ... ... , , 1 1.
been informed tnai iney were an me
latest styles.
"I woudor," he said ot last, "where
tho idea originated that we ore do
icendod from giraffeo or ostriches?"
Chicago 1 OHt.
WASTEFUL IMS.
"I wish," said Mr. Htormington
Barnes, "that people, however muoh
thev may be moved to indignation,
would not throw eggs.
"Yes," replied the leading man ; "it a
very bad praotioe. Evou if the eggs
are good to start with, the concussion
spoils them for culinary purposes."
Washington btar.
HIS ONLY SYMPTOM.
Esmeralda Lougoofliu (who is eu-
. . ... it, .... I .1
gaged to uus no diuiiuj .uj uum
liirdie McUinuis, what heavenly feel
ing it is to bo engaged to tho man you
love!"
Birdie "I suppose so.
Esmeralda "lias your heart never
been iullamed with the tender passion
"No, the uearu-it I over came to it
was ou inflamed Bore throat." Texas
Sifter.
TOOK IT PHILOSOPHICALLY.
(Dramatis Personie : A couplo of
young lodiis, bosom friend".)
".ly dearest .Maua, l couia noi rest
nutil I had come aud niudo uu effort to
dispel tho gloomy thoughts which, to
judge from your letter yesterday,
threatened to develop into suiuidul
mania. 'Tis true, AUred has jilted
you. The wretch! Still, try to act
like a sensible girl, and look out for
another engagement."
"Your udvico comes too late, uar
liug." "Good gracious, Maud I Y'ou surely
haven't t-tkeu poison?"
"Well, u u o. The fact is, I I
became engaged uyuiu yibterJuy."
Tit-bits.
We saw tho sunset ruddon tnthe westi
IV'e saw tho whirring sw.Ulows seok the neetf
We felt on earth descending pjaoe nnd rest j
We whispered to each other, "It is best." .
We held each other's hands ono moment's
space,
Eaoh took ono last look at the othor's faoe;
Wo snld, "May Ood be with you in Itls grace,
and from your heart our common pain ef
face."
We said good-by, and then then at the last
Wo kuew It oould not be. We turned, and,
fast
Clasped In eaoh other's arms, our doubts we
ca9t
Far from us, by ono heart-ory overpassed.
Lewis W. Smith, In Collier's Weekly.
HUMOR OF THE IUY.
On account of tho hard times coats
aro worn longer than usual. Texas
Sifter.
Time is money, we are told, yet
most mouoy is thrown away to kill
time. Fliegendo Blaetter.
"Why don't you marry that girl?
Sho isa real poorl." "Ah, yes; but I
don't like the mother of pearl."--Scottish
Nightp.
"Otto, yon havo a bad report. What
does that moan?" "Yes, papa; teaolier
must have Bomething against you I"
Fliegendo Blaetter.
Athwart those melancholy days
It casts a gleam of ohuor
To find you've half a ton of coal
Lett over from last year.
Chicago Tribune.
Stikkcr "I dreamed last night that
yon gave me ten dollars." Stryker
"Good I that makes us square. I owed
you a tenner, you know." Boston
Transcript.
"Don't I" sho exclaimed, fearfully;
"you need it worse than I." Reginald
Drooley Van Lukowarm had threat
ened to give her a pieoe of his mind.
Chioago News.
E Lowlots "How often do yon prune
your vinos?" Cityman (who hoi just
moved to the suburbs) "Never; we
buy all our prunes at the grooer's."
Boxburv Gazette.
"That hair restorer I bought of you
found vory ettlcaoions," remarked
Cawker to his barber. "So?" replied
the knight of th razor. "I must try
it myself." Judge.
Correspondent "I should like to
write for your paper. Yoa want the
manuscript sheets blank on one Bide,
dou't you?" Manoging Editor "On '
both sides, if yon please." Fliegendo
Blaotter.
Toint of View : "Bilkor, you ought
to be ashamed to wear suoh good
olothes when you owo ino so much
money." "No ; you ought to be proud
to lend money to a liian who wears
such good olothos." Chicago llooord.
Doctor "Just place this thermomo
ter under your tongue, Mrs. l'eque,
nnd keep your lips cloaod tightly."
Mr. Henry Ferine (after a few minutes
of speechless delight) "What will
yon tnko for that instrument, Doo?"
l'uok.
An elderly gentleman is seen to
tread on a piece of orougo peel ond
come heavily down on tho small of his
back. To him, polito stranger, rais
ing his hat j "Excuso me, sir ; would
would you i"ind doing that again?
My friend didn't see it." Texas
Sifter.
. "Happened to seo your wife on a
wheel yesterday. If I remembor, 1
heard you declare you would nover al
low her to ride." "Yes, I know. But
she hod a chance to trade off her pug
dog for a wheel, and I thought I would
chooso the least evil." Indianapolis
Journal.
"Hello," said tho smoking oar as
tho damaged trolley rolled into the
dopot. "What etruok you?" "Oh,"
replied tho trolley, "I thought I would
hove a littlo fuu by running down a
gang ou the street, aud hangod if they
weiou't all football players !" Phila
delphia North American.
"Did you nttoud tha big mooting at
Old City Hall lost niht?" asked one
l'ittsburgor of another. "No." "Why
not?" "Well, my name was not on
tho list of Vice -Presidents, and I knew
that if oil thobo men were there, I
would not bo able to got into the
boll." Pittsburg Chrouiole-Tole-graph.
.
l'dis'in'H Failure.
Edison has accomplished fio much in
the line of invention that it ia popu
lurly believed ho has mode uo failures
iu t Ij ut direction, but the truth is that
ho has beeu at work for years upon
several hard problems w hich seem to
bo no utarer a solution to-day than
they were when he begau. For the
last seven years Uo has been trying to
derive electricity directly from coal
without going through the usual pro
cess of heat, Htenm power oud dy
uuino. There's enough Intent electrical
enorgy in a pound of ooal to carry it
across tho Atlantic," he said the other
day, "yet we have never beeu able to
utilize more than a very small fraction
of it. 1 know how to gu' electricity
from coal direct, but I dou't kuowyet
how to get enough of it." New York
Journal.
(iold ill V.iv hv::ll.
Professor Livorsidgc, of tho Sydney
(Australia) University, ha mado
chemical experiments which, ho sovs,
bhow that there uro over lUO.UOil.OOO
tons of gold dissolved in tho ooeau
water of tho world, if the rate of oue
ruiu per ton, which ho found on tho
Aubtruliau eo isl, holds everywhere.
S-jflul (Mil Iu Persia.
In Persia, ninoiij; tUj aristocracy, a
ribitor sen. la uotieo uu hour or two
before colling, and gives a day's notice
if tho visit is ono of great importance.
He is met by servants before he roaches
tho house, uud other considerations
are shown him, uo-'Ji'diu to relativj
rank.