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VOL. XXIX. NO. 33.
TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, DEC. 2, 1896. S1.00 PER ANNUM.
R
Mr. Glndatouo haa boon giving I
lfT" In tl.o V.,Ui. fnlVa TT - I
tbnt they ft.ro tbo most musical people
in tbo world.
Tbe number of cities with more
than 100,000 inhabitants ia exactly the j
name twenty-aoven inUoruiony ana
tbo UniteJ States.
Tbe statistician of tbo Horseshotrs'
Protective Association shows that,
deipite the bicyole craze, there are
more horses in tbe country than ever.
Agriculture furnished sixty-three
per oeut, of total Unitod States ox
ports in eight months ended August
31, a slightly smaller proportion than
a year before.
Tbo anniversary of the coronation
of the Sultan of Turkey was cele
brated the other dny. From signs in
the air it may be tbe last, predicts tho
New Orleans Picavnne. v
Tbo total number of failures for the
first nine months of 1890 was tbo
largest on record and exceeded the
number of tbe worst nine months of
tho ponie year, 1893.
Tbo statistics tbow that the British
Empire not only purchases more of
our goods than any other country, bnt
also soils us a larger proportion of tbe
goods we buy than any other.
Ths Legislature of Vermont ia com
posed of 120 farmers, forty storekeep
ers, fourteen lawyers and the rest
"scattering" notablo preponder
ance of farmers und eoaroity of law
yers. A great many studenta live in Now
Haven, Conn., and take tbo full ool
lego coimo at Yale on three hundred
dollars per annum, whioh inolodea
board aad room for forty weeki and
free tuition.
Is thcie a conspiracy against the
pupils of the Indian sohools? aska the
Chicago Reoord. The Government
baa just ordered for them 68,000
pounds of dried poachea, 75,009
pounds of dried applea and 82,000
pounds of prunes!
llenccforth horseshoeing tnust bo
ranked among tho professions, an
nounces tho New York Tribune, At
any rate no one is to be permitted to
engage in this vooation without bar
ing submitted to an examination be
fore a board of experts representing
the State. The shoeing of a horse ia a
nice job, and many a tine animal has
been ruined by a bungler. The ap
pointment of Statejexeminere stnaoks
of paternal government, but the en
actment of tho now law seems to be
Tiewed with considerable favor by
owners of horsos.
Commenting on the recent launch of
heavily-armed United States "rev
enue cutter" for use on the great
lakes, the Montreal Gazette says
that in this matter tbo English and
tbe American Governments "are in
about the same position. They have
both gone as far as tho limitations of
the treaty will allow, and it is evident
that in the case of Gresham the United
StatesGoverument is Bailing very olose
to the wind. It is, of oourse, perfeotly
fair and right that each Government
should tnako adequate arrangements
for the protection of the fisheries and
kindred purposes; but whoever goeaa
step further ia no friend either of the
Dominion of Canada or of the United
States."
In the Postmaster General's report
or tho last fitcul year a number of in
teresting figures are giveD, showing
tbe cost of our enormous mail system.
The total expenditures for the y?ar
aggregated (90,020,269, against re.
oeipts amounting to only $82,499,208
These figures reveal a deficit ol $8,
127,088, which, however, is less than
the shortage for the year preceding by
$1,679,950. The report further show
that 4,18-1,327 special delivery letters
passed through the mails during the
year. The average time required for
the delivery of these letters was only
seventeen minutes. Tbe net profit of
the system for the year was aume
where in tbe neighborhood of $100,
000, Tbe number of postage stamps,
stamped envelopes and postal cards
issued during the year reached the
enormous sum of 4,195,605,523, show
ing an increase of seven per cent, over
the preceding year. The value of this
entire supply is fixed at $79,178,101,
or $740,000 less than actual sales. Tbe
iucreuKo of second class mail matter
vm nearly twelve per cent, during the
year. Tbo total weight of all tbe
bundles was 349,000,000 pounds. The
total number of registered packages
teut through the mails was 15,106,330.
Some idea of the vast proportions of
cur postal systemmay be derived from
the foregoing figures.
mwm
At tie gateway of the wlutor now comes
Thanksgiving lido,
Ia the glory ot its atmosphere, Its pie anil
turkey pride.
And It Is most becoming that its choersbould
far and wide abound,
E'en going to the humblest home where'er It
may be found.
In olden time Thanksgiving was for harvos
poor or good,
Tbe corn, the pumpkin, wheat, and all thnt
gave a livelihood.
For poor returns the Pilgrims hold up their
hearts in praise,
Far greater should our thanks bo that live
In these glorious days.
Then welcome bo Thanksgiving with Its
manifold feasts and Joys;
Under many a homestead roof now gather
the girls and boys;
And though some of ub fail somnwbnt in
harvests whoro we strive,
We should be thankful for our hopes, and
that we are alive.
Then poss around the turkey, tho mlnco and
npplo pies;
Don't slight (he poor and ncody if In wisdom
you'd be wise.
To relieve distress our people have only to
be told,
For Lord be thanked tbe human heart is yot
as Rood as gold!
Edward 8. Cream1.
A Thanksgiving Rescue.
CY OEOKOK L. HrLMER.
N the height of a
terrible blizzard
of snow and elect
lrto on Thanks
giving Eve, 1889,
tbe propeller Calu
met, from Buffalo
for Mil wauket
with eighteen
son la on board,
came to grief on
(tor my Michigan.
Some dsva before.
whilo steaming :jp Detroit River from
Lake Erio to St. Clair, she had burst
her seams by running npon a sunken
anchor in tho shallows. The leak
proved eo threatening that Skipper
Green put in at Detroit, patched up
the injury and took aboard a wreck
ing pump in tbe hope of keeping his
vessel auoat until she wonld reach her
destination. All wont well until the
Calumet left the straits of Muckinoo
and entered Lake Miohigan. Then
the storm broko in all its fury and the
tnermomoter dropped suddenly to
twenty degrees below the freezing
point. A tremendous sea was Btirred
up by tbo gale and the steamer, labor
lug in a cross sea, pitohed and rolled
u viuiuiiwy mat ner timbers were
strained and the wounied seams opened
afresh. With all the pumps working
ni meir mil oapaoity the ship con
tinutd to fill and soon got beyond
control of her master. However, she
matie the vicinity of Milwaukee not
long niter darkness oame on Thanks
giving Eve, going Quite easilv before
the gale as slio lhaped her course for
the harbor. Rut the weather was ao
tblok that, cvou olose up, the keen
eyed wntohman oould not make out
tbe harbor lights. In the omergeuoy
Captain Green dooidod to head for
Chicago. Tbo ship a course was,
therefore, changod again, bringing
her onoo more iuto a violent croEs Bea.
To add to tbo cv Is of tho situation the
wrcckiug pump, noon whioh all do
pendod, gave out at the very moment
when it was most needed. The water
gained rapidly on the ordinary ship's
pump, so Hint H became ouiy a quea
tiou of time, and a very short time at
that, when the Oalumat would go down
in tho docp waters of the lake. There
vas au alternative, frightful to think
of, bnt yet preforablo to foundering
beyond all reach of aid. That was to
take obauces and beach tbe helpless
(hip. l'mting on steam tho oaptain
headed for land and tho vessel grounded
easily U'OO yards from tho bluffs oppo
site Tort Sheridan, Illinois. It was then
half-past 10 o'clock at night. One
danger still threatened, that was that
the lilting and pounding of the terri
ble Boas would break the vessel to
pieces, bit by bit, before daylight and
tucoor should come. Although heavy
with the water in tho hold and her
full cargo, still she moved. In order
to steady her tho captain opened all
the valves in tho bottom so that she
Bile 1 completely and rested like a huge
rook in the sand. What a prospect
those cighteoen helpless men had be
fore them for that long and terrible
nigbt. Xbe waves beat upon every
part of the sbip, tbe thermometer was
still falling and the decks and rails
and ci.biu roofs were covered with ioe
from the freezing sprny. There were
boats on board, those frail skiffs car
ried opou lake steamers, but to have
risked lives in tbeui iu tbnt terrible
.pea wonld have been madnes.".
The life-saving station nearest the
soene of the wreck is at Evanstou, 111.,
twelve miles from Fort Sheridan. It
is a station of the United States coast
lifeguard, under a regular keeper ex
perienced iu the perilous duty, but
tho crew consists of volunteers from
among the students of the Northwest
ern AcAdemy.
At the time of the wreck Keeper
Lawrence O. Lawson was in charge of
tbestatinn and tbe following six volun
teer surfuieu were subject to his call :
George Crosby, William E. Ewiug,
Jacob Loiuiu;.', W." L. Wilson, F. M.
Koudig and Thomas M. Webb. Soon
after midnight Keeper Lawson re
ceived u telegram from Highluud l'urk,
1
Baying: "Thore is a large steamer
ashore off Fort Sheridan. Come I"
Lawson hurried to the railway station
and nuked what time the next train
would go north. "Not boforo 7.30
a. m.," was the reply. There was one
chance loft, a very faint one consider
ing the terror of tho night. Thinking
that there might be an extra freight
train on tbe road Lawson wired the
dispatcher at Chicago and learned
that an extra, or "wildcat train,"
would pass Evanston about 2 o'clock.
Stating the urgency of tho case, ho
obtained an ordor to flag it and place
his life-saving apparatus and crew on
board. Tbe train proved to be made
up of loaded box cars and there were
no empty ones at hand to carry the
lifeboat. Tbe next resource was livery
teams to haul tho boat twelve miles by
sleigh. Fortunately a liveryman was
found who was loss considerate for
horscflosh tbau for human lives, lie
provided stout teams for the boat and
Lawson with the six surfraen who were
to bear tbe hardships of the enter
prise boarded the train. A hot journal
caused a delay of an hour and it was
4 o'clock when the party reaohed tbe
fort. A guide who had hrst sighted
the steamer by her lights conducted
the life-savers toward tbo bluff op
posite the wreck. Confused by the
darkness and blinding fitorm, the
THE
guide lost his way and an hour was
passed beatiug up and down the bluff
for a pathway to tbe water's edge.
The bluff at that point is seventy
feet high, very precipitous and
cut up by ravines, tilled nith
trees and nuderbrusb. Several
ravines were exploded before one
was found stiitablo for operation?.
This was prepared by tbe aid of sev
eral soldiers from tho fort who had
been aroused by tho steamor's whistles
of distress. Some fifty men set to
work with axes, hewing away tho
trees to make a slide for the boat. The
stiff, hard clay was alto pared down
to give the frail boat a safe passage
way, for the craft so stanch and ser
viceable on tho water are iu danger of
being stove by coming iu contact with
rough obstacles when under motion.
A hugo tire wus kindled to lighten up
the scone ; it also served as a beaoou
to the imperiled Bailors who knew by
that that their case was known.
Everything was ready when the boat
'HUH
THE LIPEUOAT AUBIVES.
arrived, drawn by stcamiug, foaming
horses, at 7 o'clock. It was then light
enough to make out the plight of the
meu on the ill-fated Calumet. They
were seen huddled iu aud about the
pilot house, the only place of refugo,
for the steamer was submerged to the
main deck. Moreover, she wn liter
ally a ship of ice, having been deluged
for ten hours with water that lett layer
upon layer wherever it struck. The
poor follows on bourd were motionless,
apparently frozen to their tracks and
too far gone to give any sign of joy at
the promised delivery. Indeed, with
the best of luck it seemed a hopeless
ease.
Snow was still falling and the dis
tance to tbe wreck seemed less than it
roally proved to be, for when a tiOJ
yard line was seut wbirliug toward it
from the lino-tbrowiug gnu it fell far
short. Daylicibt had shown tho life
savers a terrible surf lushing tte foot
of the bluff, and with line and buoy
to depend upon no one thought ot
venturing the boat in tbul dangerous
sea. Rut true bravery fa-es dunger
when it must for some noble cause.
To the astouibhmtut of the spectator
4i
and of the eoldiora, who tried to dis
suade them, the gallant student orew,
after a tow aeoonds' conference with
tho keoner, moved silently toward the
boat, which lay on its carriage at the
head of the slide. They would take
the awful risk. With the help of the
soldiers the boat was eased down the
slide without acoident, but on reach
ing the boach it was found necessary
to drag it along a narrow shelf to a
point directly abreast ol the wreck for
launching. This oould only be done
by watching tho breakers and avoiding
their foroo. As it was, the surfmon
were often waiut deep in tbe water,
and several narrowly escaped being
oarriod away by the powetful eurf.
Three times tho boat filled and had to
be cleared of water. Again tbe boat
would bo snatched Irom the control ot
the men and hurled against the cUff,
and waB only saved from disaster by
finding a buffer iu tho bodios of the
surfmen ranged along the inshore
gunwale. These sustained several
bruises, and, like their mates on the
opposite side of tbe boat, were
drenohed with the icy water. Finally
the boat was brought to a suitable
point for launching a depression in
tbo beach where the surf was lightest.
The crew sprang to their seats and
fixed their oars, while the soldiers held
the boat steady for a favorable sea.
RESCUE.
Gallantly the lifeboat rode tbe break
ers until she came to a sand bar over
which tho waves broke with tremen
dous power. An immense breaker lift
ed tho boat upon her stern and almost
threw Keeper Lawson, who was at the
steering car, overboard. Refore he
could reoover and head the boat to sea
a second wave Btruck ber broadside
and filled her to tbe thwarts. The
stroke oarsman dropped bis pad
die for the bailing bucket and
his five mates, by pulling for
tboir lives, straggled through tho
breakers. During these interruptions
the powerful current had swept the
boat far out to the leeward, compell
ing the gallant aurfmen to row in tbe
teeth of the gale. It was then that tbe
anxious watchers on the bluff lost all
hope and wished that their warning
had not been in vain. It seemed an
impossibility for the life boat either to
reach the wreek or return to shore.
Every wave left a coating ot ioe wher
ever it struck upon the gunwales, the
oars and the clothing of the men. Tbe
rowlocks gradually filled with ioe and
tho oais were constantly slipping from
them, dissipating half tboir foroe.
Rut the difficulties of their task only
served to nerve the men to greater ef
fort. True enthusiasm is intensified
by opposition. It wants its way and
will risk all to get it. Tbo life savers
were there to do or die. Heroes of
the battlefield may take off their hats
to the storm warriors of the lake and
sea coasts and bail them aa comrades.
Tbo faithful annals of the life-saving
service, from whioh these facts ere
taken, have on record a thousand in
stances of forlorn hope rescues, or at
tempts at rescue, carried through to
the bitter end, for every one case of
shirking peril. Not a murmur or a
regret passed the lips of these boy
heroes, although every one who
watched their struggles with tbe ele
ments bclievod that a frightful double
disaster was imminent ; that the life
boat would go down with its noble
orew and the wrecked sailors freeze to
death before other aid could reach
them. The men on the wreck, with
every incentive to hope against hope,
gave themselves up for lost when they
saw what a plaything the waves made
of the gallant life boat.
Ry almost superhuman efforts tho
oarsmen recovered the ground lost in
the breakers and drew up under the
stern of the Calumet. That portion
of the vessel was wholly under water
so that tbe sailors could not go aft
and take a line from the boat. The
seas broke iu awful turmoil around
the bow of tho steamer but after many
efforts Keeper Lawson tossed a line
iuto tho hauds of the cuptuin. Then
came tho difficulty, attended with ex
treme peril for all, of getting the half
frozen fellows into tho life boat. At
lust six of them were on board and
supplied with life preservers. Then a
start was made for shore. With its
heuvy freight the boat wus allowed to
go with tho current, which lauded it
without acoident a quarter of a mile
from the point of starting. Alter
beatiug the icy armor from their
clothing the orew warmad themselves
with hot cotlee and again started for
the boat, which the soldiers had
dragged along the beach to the wind
wurd of the wreck.
It is needless to recount the details
of tbe second and tbird trips to and
from the steamer. Tbe same fearful
difficulties were met and overcome;
again and again the life craft eoemed
to be doomed as eho stood almost up
right when mounting the huge crest
of a breaker or Bank out of eight in
the hollows botweon the angry waves.
With the accumulations of ice on her
sides she looked like a monster canoe
hewn from an ioeberg. Rut the pluck
of the brave boys novor relaxed until
the last of the eighteen shipwrecked
men was safe ashore. On tho third
and final trip, however, when the boat
struck tho beach, tho danger being
over and tho stimulus to action re
moved, their young and slender frames
gave way. Dropping their oars they
fell helpless aoross the seats. When
aroused by the soldiers and lifted from
the boat their limbs were so weak and
benumbed that they could not stand
without support. Hot coffee and tbe
warmth of the beach fire soon restored
animation but they roached the fort
in worse condition by far than those
whose lives they had saved. A few
hours later, the excitoment on shore
having died out, eyes were turned to
ward the abandoned wrock. It had
disappeared, all exoepting the etem
and stern posts, having been complete
ly broken up by the pounding of the
son. Rut for the heroic students
every man on board must have per
ished. And their gallantry did not go
unnoticed. Tbe gold medal of tbe
service, the highest award of tho Gov
ernment and one given with great
discrimination, was granted each of
the Burtmon and to their captain, 'this
was the second case in the history of
tbe service where an entire crew of
volunteer life savers received the gold
medal. Up to that date only two or
three regular crews bad boon so high
ly honored.
When the tables were spread in the
warm barracks kitchen of Fort Sheri
dan that afternoon there were eight
een grateful strangers reclining upon
their hospital cots around the Thanks
giving board eighteen unexpected
but for all that thrice welcomed
Thanksgiving guests.
A IHAJiKSUIYIXG GAME.
An Interesting; Diversion to Pass a
Few Hours Pleasantly.
Usually in the Thanksgiving gather
ing together of families there are a
host of young folk who need to enter
tain themselves. One gamo requires
children who are "up" in geography J
still, if need be, it is a lesson iu tho
disguise of pleasure. The game pro
ceeds after this fashion : A map is
held by the judge, usually a grown
person or an older child ; then, too,
children are chosen and placed in sep
arate corners. Says the judge :
"Now, Carrie, you represent New
York in this corner, and Richard, you
are in Moscdw imprisoned ; you want
to get away and reach home by 1 hanks'
giving Day. You have gotton from
behind the walls but what is your
most direct route home I
Then Richard has to toll each eea,
country and ocean he crosses to got
homo for the turkey and cranberry
sauce. If he can't do it successfully
be must remain right on the spot on
tbe floor where he stopped until ho
thinkB out his escape. Other members
of the game are placed in prisons at
various parts of the oountry.
Soon the room becomes filled with
prisoners, all trying to get home;
half of them are "stalled" iu tbe cen
tre trying to think of the boundary
line whioh brings freedom, others are
just leaving the prison wallp.
When the game has been played
frequently those who join in got very
familiar with the junction of oountries
and learn many straight lines and
clever jumps that had not appeared
feasible before. For those who are not
quite conversant with' geography easy
tasks are given ; for lustauoe, to be
placed in a Paris prison an 1 find their
way homo to Roston. New York
Press,
TCKKEV TALK.
The eagle has tho luu'h on the
turkey at Thanksgiving time.
Only tho sultan believes that uo one
oould ever have too much turkey.
"Sometimes," said Uuelo Eben, "de
houses dat has do bigges' iuui'lios an'
do littles' tuhkey seems tor hab de
mos' Thanksgibbiu' in 'em."
All summer long the barnyard hoar I
Tbe turkey's brag and boatt,
And now they're giurt that bumptubus bird
Uu all sides gots a roat:
The Goose "What's the difference
between the Easter girl aud the
Thanksgiving turkey?" Tho Turkey
"I dunno. The Uooso "Why, one
is dressed to kill aud the other is
killed to dress."
"My dcur," said the female turkey
to her noble spouae, "what ia your
opinion of the Thanksgiving procla
mation?" "Stuff!" "Then what would
you have said?" "Gobble, gobble,
gobblel" aud the sad but pompous
fowl strutted across tbe street.
The turkev Is not a Drlillaut bird,
Whou all U doQH and euid,
For ou all groat oeoaslons
llo's surd to Icae lii bt3 td.
A Dream of TlMukglviii(r.
' " V 'r 'ft 1 1
nun 10- ...
At midnight In his guarded cop
The Turk lay dryitimti of the hour.
Itevcuiro Is Street.
...
Small Roy "I won't do a thing to
you Thanksgiving; oh, no!" Truth.
THASKSGIYISU Tl'RKEY.
A Kentucky Turkey Pen Ships Thirty
Thousand Birds to Market.
Few of us who visit around tbo
Thanksgiving board panso to think of
the vast number of turkeys that are
necoBsary to supply tbo demand on
this National holiday.
The origin of tbe turkey iJ lost in
tho traditions of the red man, who
hunted the wild bird long before tho
pale faoe had domesticated it or made
the famous proposition, after a clay u
hunt, in whioh a buzzard and a wild
turkey constituted tho amount of
game killed.
"Now you take the buzzard and I'll
take the turkey, or I'll take tho turkey
and you take the buzzard."
And thereupon the maxim arose ;
"Ho nevcir said turkoy to me once."
This favorite bird, which is an
American production, when properly
combined with tbe necessary auxili
aries ot oysters, roasted chostnnts,
cranberry eauce and the Bucoulent
celery, cjnkes a savory dish, in tho
full praise ot which all words ignomia
iously fail.
The following figures from au inland
Kentucky town, one of many whioh
holp to supply the oity markets with
Thanksgiving turkeys, will give some
little idea of tho extent ot this branch
of industry, and ot the methods em
ployed to prepare tho turkey for the
markot and the cook.
The youug brood of turkeys is to
the farmer's wife her chief source of
revenuo for the autumn and winter,
therefore she guards them through the
dangers attondant on turkeyhood with
zeaiotis cure, aud usually drives a
shrewd bargain later with tho buyer,
who begins his riding through the
country as Thanksgiving approaches.
Turkovs ore generally bought on
foot, and tho prices range from four
to five cents a pound. The flocks are
driven to the turkey pens from the
different farms. If tho distanoe is a
long ono, and nigbt comes on beforo
tho pens are reached, the turkeys go
to rooat at suudown, wherever it may
happen to bo, and despite all efforts of
the driver to urgo it on.
Turkeys are kept iu enclosed pens
until they ore ready to be killed, bat
geese are pastured out on meadows,
and are watched by small boys, who,
with long stioks, keep them from
straying out of bounds.
Ducks, geese and chickens are gon
erally shipped alive to the citios, but
turkeys are usually killed and dressed
for the market, Tbey aro not fed for
some twelve hours before killing, and
after being picked and cleaned are put
on cooling boards for another twelve
hours beforo tboy are packed in cases
for shipment. Two thousand turKeys
or more constitute a carload.
In the turkey houso aro a row of
boxes with both ends open and nar
rowing toward tho lower end. These
are fiiHteuod along the side of the wall,
and into them tho turkeys are thrust,
head downward, until their heads und
necks protrude through tho lower
opening. Thou the "sticker," with a
sharp knife, goes along tho hue and
cuts tbe throats of each bird, leaving
it to bleed to death, while a trough
underneath it carries off the blood.
The turkey's wings are confined by
tbe si, lea of tho box so that it cannot
flutter or struggle, and death does not
seem to bo painful to it.
When tbe turkey is dead, the winge
and tail feathers are cut oil and the
body is seut to the picking room where
a number of men, women and children
are employed. The turkey i suspend
ed from a twine cord, aud tbe picker
nimbly uses both hands, literally mak
iu? "the feathers ily."
From two to four thousand turkeys
nre picked a day, aud a skillful hand
can averago fifty or sixty each. Three
cents a; ieca is paid for picking a tur
key. Not much of the fowl is thrown
away. The wings aro saved and are
sold' for fans and other things, the
tail feathers are sent to factories
where feather dusters are made, ths
quills are ground into pulp aud then
pressed iuto artificial whalebone, and
the loose feathers are used for various
purposes.
When the dressed turkey reacho
tbe market the prices fluctuate any
where from two aud a half to fifteen
ceuts a pound, so that the business it
ot attvuys a paying one.
Ftom tweuty "to thirty thousand tur
ki'-vs ate killed each season aud sent
from ibis one turkey pen, and th
reader may judge from these figures
how great a number is required to
supply the Thr.uksgiving board
throughout tLo ojuutry with its great
Nutional dish.
Ai ISciu by Hi in.
Tbe old gobbler looked dreuuily
nwuv ovir tho buok-yurd fouoe.
"Yen."
A shudder mq through his frame.
"they aro bringing out all our family
slteletous these days."
A glrtuee at the de'oiU from the din
ner t ibia showed that this was only
too true.
BABY'S DUE MS.
What dreams, where memory has no share,
A freo from fear as void of care,
Fill thoso young sleeping eyes?
What dream?, whero dreams can have te
words,
Llko flights of lovely unknown birds
In silence sluk or rise
The baby's dreams ars soorota s.if.i
llowe'er wo watch tho dro imland wait,
Or question whon sh) wakos.
She only knows (returned once more)
Tho wave that brings her to our shoro
In kisses soltly breaks.
Hl'MOIt OK THE J).IY.
"What made yon laugh so iramodor
atelyat Slowgo's poor joke?" "Why,
this is tho third time he has got it off
oa me." Chicago Record.
Robby "Your Bigu says, 'sod'
wator; all the flavors, five ceDt.'
Druggist "Yes; which do you wish'
Robby"! wont 'em all." Puck.
Teddy "1 tell you it's so. Nellio
"I say it is not." Teddy-"Well,
mamma says it's bo ; and if mamma
says it's so, it's so even if it isn't so."
Harper's Round Table.
"Higby is going to lecture on Tbo
Finance of Other Countries.'"
"What's that for?" "Because tho
finances of this country are too much
for him." Chicago Record.
"Gentlemen, "said tho orator, "thi
crisis will soon be nt an end."
"Thank goodness," murmured an au
ditor; "bo's going to eto; talking."
Philadelphia North American.
Mr. Hojaok "Miss Teuspot must
bo surpassingly beautiful." Mr.
Tomdik "Indeed 1 What makes yoii
think bo?" "She looks well even iu
an amateur photograph." Life.
Teacher ".nything is called trans
parent that can be seen through.
What scholar cau give au example?"
Robby "Do bole iu de fenoe rouud de
baseball park." Norristown Herald.
Farmer's Wife" "I bopejyou are not
afraid of work?" Tramp vuneasily)
"I ain't exactly afraid, mum, but (
always feels fidgety when there's any
thing 1 ko that about." Roston Trav
eler. Magistrate "If you were innocent,
why did you ruu away the moment the
policemau appeared?" Pat "Becaze,
yer houor, tbim oops do be always
aristiu' the wrong man." Horper'd
Razar. .
The Fiauoee "I'm surprised at
youl I Baw you flirting with her!"
The Fiance "I swear, Priscillu, you
are mistaken ! Beauty has no charms.
never had any charms for me!"
Puck.
Cashier (at bauk) "You will have to
bring some one to identify you beforo
we can cash this check. Got any
friends in the towu?" Stranger
"No; I'm the dog liceusu mau."
Comic Cuts.
"I am sorry I bought one of those
door mats with 'Welcome' on it."
"Why so?" " jomo stupid fellow mis
took the meaning of the word and
helped himself to it the first night."
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Wasted Sarcasm ; Brutal Father
"My dear, can't you do anything to
stop that child's crying?" Indignant
Wife (sarcastically) "1 might cut its
throat," Rrutal Fathor "That's a
good idea. Now, I never would havo
thought of that. Do so by all means."
Harlem Life.
Food fur Your Pet Bird.
"For a'ohango, foreuuarios and other
birds," said an experienced raiser of
birds, "nothing is better food than
the various kinds of grasses whioh are
now going to seed. Around any grass
plots rau bo found grass which has
gono to seed. This is a natural food
for birds at this season of the year,
and it should be freely given them.
The birds will relish the change very
much, and it will improve them in
plumage and song. They are tired of
the ordinary seeds, wbieh are good
enough when there are no others, but
now seed of every kind is in profusion,
and needs only to be picked up.
"The pepper grass is now in full
seed, and it is a great bracer for the
feathered pets, and especially for
canaries. Birds like green stuff at all
times, but are specially fond of grass
seeds of any kind. My experience is
that no mistake cuu bo made, and that
a bird never cuts uny te d that it does
not like aud that is not good for it."
Tbe Feather.
Tlio Surgeon an I football.
Even somo of the physicians seem to
bo jealous guardians of the harmless
ness of football. The half back of the
Williams College team has for some
timo been suffering, even to delirium,
with oougobtion of the brain, though
he is now much better and in rt ported
out of danger. Uis doctor, however,
says bis sickness was not due to his in
juries received ou tho football field,
but to tho complete relaxation which
followed his rctire'ueut to Nortlt
Adams to recover irom a sprained
ankle. Tbo mora! of this seems to be,
not that football ia dangerous, but to
beware ot relaxation. At tbe Irish
man said wheu picked up with a few
brokeu bones: wasn't tho fall
that hurted me, but stoppiu' so sud
den." Boston Trun script.
A Suuke I'p a Tree.
Jeremiah Coyle, of llomosvillo, had
an encounter w ith u large blacksuake
ou tbo mountain ubovu Frog Hollow
jestorduy. Ho was out for chestnuts,
and started to climb a tree laden with
tempting looking burrs. Halt way up
be was startled by seeing tbe suuke not
Ibree feet away, uwiugiug to aud fro
from a slender brunch, aud evidently
repuriug to spring. C'oyle braced
himself iu a notch of the tree, aud
burled the hatchet he carried at the
.winging reptile with deadly accuracy,
severing tho htad from tbe writbiug
body. Shuuiokiu (I'euu.) Dispatch.