The Forest Republican If published every Wednn lay, by . J. E. WENK. Oflloe in Smearbangh & Co.'i Etiililing- ELM STREET, TIONESTA, Vk. Termi, - H 1 .00 Per Year. No subscriptions received for a shorter period than three month. Correspondence aallnlteJ from all parti of the country. No notice will be taken of nuonyuious communications. RATES Or ADVERTISING t One Square, one Inch, one insertion..! 1 00 One Kquare, one inch, one month. . 8 NO One Fquare. one Inch, three months, . II '10 One Square, one inch, one year...... 1000 T wo Squares, one year l-' "O Quarter Column, one year,.,,, fOil Half Column, one year 50 00 One Column, one year 100 00 Iyesai advertisements ton cents per line each insertion. Marriagee and death notice ((rati. All bills for yearly advertisements collected qunrterlv Temporary advertisements must be paid in advance. Job work cash on delivery. Fo: REPUBLICAN. VOL. XXIX. NO. 30. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, NOV. 11, 189G. S1.00 PER ANNUM. RES Hamburg has become the chief port of Europe, The labor unions of Great Britain furor the proposed permanent tribunal of arbitration. The lato Professor Boyosen, of Col iimbia, noted that "joonlarity" is the "leading Amoricun mental trait" of the collogo student. They phraso matrimonial advertise in ants very delici'ely iu Maine. One recently printod in Ilallowell voiced a want for a "housekeeper ina family of one." Is Scotland getting steadily madder? To judgo by tho report of the Com missioners of Luoaoy it is. Since 1853 there baa been nn increase of 112 per cont. in number of lunatics, while the population has increased only 38 per cent. A proof of tho fact that Sedan Day is dying out iu Germany, writes Wolf von Schriorbatid, is furnished by a re oeut oirsular issued by the firm of Fred Krnpp iu Essen. Tbcy announce that hereafter tho day will not be eel obratod and no leave will bo granted to their 20,000 employes. Mr. Froemautlo save in his 'Notes on the Rifle' that an ideal smokoloss powder has jet to be discovered, and that the heat dovoloped by powders containing nilroglycerino is so groat as -positively to mult the surface of the steol, nod to vaporize a minute portion of it nt every shot, which do feet, as regards small-calibre rifles, is fatal to its use by soldiers. Tho quota of enlisted men allowed tho Army and Navy of the United Slates is now nearer filled than it has been at any period in recent years, and the oltlciuls are assuming that no farther trouble, will hereafter bo en countered in securing nil tho excellent material cither sorvico requires. At preaont the total strength of the regu Inr army is between 21,000 and tho limit of 25,000, and the few men lack' ing to complete it could, the author! ties say, bo enlistod in ten days. The strength of the navy's enlistod foroe now 11,000 men, with the additional 1000 men added by the last Congress, nd of this number there are now en rolled all but 100, This number ap plies almost monthly at the various recruiting stations, and the entire quota could be maintained without diflloulty but for the discharges which follow every week or so. Ex-Frcsident Ilarrison in writing oi the "Interior Department," an 1 the distribution of publio land in tho Ladies' Home Journal eays : "In 1SG2 the polioy of giving to actnal settlers thereon a quarter seotion (100 acres of the publio land, where the lands were rated at $1.25 per acre, or eighty acres, where the lands were rated at $2.50 per acre, was adopted by Con gresa. The settler is required to make affidavit that the land is entered for bis own use as a homestead, and th patent does not issue to him nntil he Las resided upon and cultivated the land for live years. In the cass of soldiers and sailors the timo served i the army aud navy, and in the case of those discharged for wounds or diss bility the wholo term of enlistment may be deduotod from the fivo year' residenoo required, but at least on year's residenoo is required in suoh cases. It was a wiso aud beuoflcent law, and if it had come tweoty years before would probably have settled the question of tho extension of slay cry without any further help from our btutcsmeu." Bad roads cost in reality moro than good ones, according to Colonel Al bcrt A. Pope, the bicyole manufao turer. He says the census returns fcbow that there are in the United States about 15,000,000 horeee, over 2,000,000 mules, and l'J.000 asses. The annual cost of feed for theso animals is about $1,573,000,000. O Hue stone roads one horse can haul as much as three horses can haul over the average dirt road of this country, It is estimated that it would bo ueoes sary to build about 1,000,000 miles of macadamized load iu tho United Stutes, in order to have as good a eys tern of publio highways as is found in several Europeau State. At 1103 per mile, this would involve au outlay of 11,000,000,000. But if one half of tho draft animals could bo dispensed with by the building of such road there would be au unuual saving of $788,000,000 in tbo feed bill. Tho people, Colonel Popo shows, are actually paying three per cent, ou $56,000,001.1,000 iu order to keep nji the present bad roads, while it would not cost olio sixth of that annually to build the 1,000,000 miles needed iu order to put this country ou a par with France in the matter oi fcood roiiJs. SWEETEST THINOS OF EARTH What are (he sweetest things of earth? Lips that cad praise a rival's worth; A fragrant rose tbnt hides no th rn; cues of gold untouehed by sooru. happy little child asloop; Eyes that can smile though tlioy may weep; brother's chcor, a fnthor's praiso; The minstrelsy of summer days. heart where anger never burn?; gift that looks for no returns; Wrong's overthrow; pain's swift rjloase; Dark footsteps guided into ponce. Tho light of lovo iu lover's oyes; Age that Is young as well ns wise: mother's kiss; a baby's mirth Those are tho sweetest tbtugs of earth. MUiNGER'S CAT, M BERTHA LBB WALTON, AN HAWTHORNE was swinging gently to and fro in the hammock, nestled amoDg tbo pillows, and idly wondering why other people did not make their summer cottages as attractive as her mother had made this one. The sight of a vouog man coming across the tennis-court caused bcr to sit np Btid denlv. By the time ho had vaulted ovor the net, aud crossed the lawn, the auick color had faded from her cheeks, and she nodded gaily to him as he waved his hat. "Where on earth did you hai from?" she ashed, astonished, as he came within hailing distance "From the Etruria, iu New York Monday," he answered eagerly. "How aro you, and what are you doing with yourself just now? rm pretty wen. nit down on that camp stool and let me look at you, Tom Bradloy," tho said, as she shook handn. "1 supposo you are more conceited than ever after a year abroad. "Couldn't be possibly," tho yonng man replied calmly. "If this camp stool goes down with me, and I get stains on these duok trousers, I'll sua you for damnges." "xour mother must do giaa to nave yon back again, "said Nan. "X should be if I were sue. "Thanks, so kind of you," mur mured Tom. "Motlior aud father have taken the Burtlett cottage for the summer, so i came rignt out nero to join them. I thought mother d eat mo ap the day I got here."- "I suppose you've come back with a trunk full of photographs to enlight en us poor benighted heathen with," sighed Nan, who had ascribed anothor reason to his sudden appearance ou the scene; "such as Westminster Ab bey, the roots' Corner, Parliament buildings, and all tho cathedrals. I've had friends traveling in Europe, before. Did you climb the Matter horn? Or slide down Mount Blanc? Or ride iu a house boat?"' "Please be sensible, Nan," said Tom, flushing. "I won't tell you a word about Europe if you don't want me to. I thought you'd like to hear all about my trip." "Perhaps I might, Tom, if Europe hadn't been done brown by all my friends, long ago ; and each one thinks he has done such a wonderful thing that he must exhibit his knowledge and his photographs to his ignorant acquaintances. I am so tired of it I never want to go, myself." "You were very good to write to mo, if you felt that way about it, Nan," said Tom humbly; "though, to be ure, you didn't write very often." "Oh, I wrote to you bocanse you were suoh an old friend of the family, and mother enjoyed your descriptions of scenery so and all that you know. " "Why, if I had known that," Tom replied, "I would have written to her instead. Of alt sad words of tongue or pen the saddest are theso-- "Please, ma'am," piped up a shrill voice behind Tom, "trill you look a here for a minute?" Tom turned around suddenly aud spied a very tiny girl standing in the tall grass, holding a very big yellow cut in her arms. She was thin aud bony, and the oat was fat and heavy, so ber task was by no means an easy one. " 'Souse me, Miss Nan," the child said, noticing Tom for the first time, "I didn t know you was enguged "We aren't yet, but hope to be soon," observed Tom cultnty. "Who is this fair damsel, Nan?" 'SShe's a little girl in my Sunday sohool class," said Nan, frowning at him. "What is it, Milly, my doar?" "Please, MisB Nan, you was a tollin' your class on Sunday of how fond you was of pets," began tho girl, "aud ma lid for me to briug you over our cut to see if you wouldn't keep it for u while we goes to the city for a week.' 'To be sure I will," cried Nan.gath ering the cat into the hammock with her. "Isn't he a big one, though?" "He's got a collar on, too," said the girl, pointing proudly to the leatheru baud about the animal's neck. "It says 'Muuger's Cat' on it that's onrs, you know. He's got two names, him self. Jim culls him Tom, which don't think is very pretty, so I call him 'Jouuy.' " "lie's niae aud fat," said Tom so berly. "He must get lots to eat." ".Sure ho does," cried Milly enthu siattically. "tie eats like a house atire, he does." "I've heard Are called a 'devouring element' somewhore before," said Tom meditulively. "What does he eat?" "Oh, everything," said Milly proud ly, "ami lots of it. He has tits some times." "Doar me!" criod Nan, "I hope liot." ijlf I "if you'r real good to him he'll out l grow them, I guosH," vouobfofed Mil Iv. "He don't have em often. "lor all small favors let us ue uniy thankful. We'll hope he'll postpone his fit until after he's returned," said Tom. "We'll be good to him. Good by, Milly," he added as a gentlo hint. "I might as well take care oi it regularly," said Nan with a laugh, as the little girl ran off over the lawn. "Muncer's cat spends most of its time over htsro as it is, catching birds." "It's not very pretty, is it?' ssid Tom, regarding tho animal dubiously. "But there's a great iloal of nim. I think he's splendid, said INan indignintly; "und I'm going to take him in and snow hitu to mother, uon i you want to come, too? she asked, as Tom rose. No, thank you. I've got to go homo, as mother doesn t know 1 m out. so long, see you later. Nan stood looking after him lor a minute or two, and then went in at the little side door, with Mnnger's cat in her arms. She expected to see Tom acrain in the evening, but be did not oome. nnd she went to bed fooling odd ly provoked with him. lie ought to know how nice it seemed to have him back after so long an absence, even if she bad been too excited to tell him him of it. She wouldn't add to his conoeit by telling him anything of the sort, she reasoned ; he thought too muoh of himself as it was. But argue as she might, Nan could not feel satis- tied. The next day, as Nan was making cake in the kitchen, she became aware, as Bue raised her flushed face from an inspection of the oven, ol the fact that Tom was sitting in the open window, swinging his feet against the side of the houso. "How are yon?" he said affably, thought this was Thursday, and the cook s afternoon out. "That's just the reason I'm doing the baking, Tom," Baid Nan n little crossly. "What did yon oome for scrapings?" "Your mother told me to amuse myself ou the porch ; but I exhausted everything, even the cat, and came to look for you, replied Tom solemnly. "I had no idea that Tom, alias Jenny, bad such a fondness for salted peanuts." "Oh, give mo some," cried Nan, sliding the enke into tho oven. "1 just love them." "3orry, but I only have two or three left in my pocket," said Tom. laying some dilapidated nuts on the tablo. "I've fed 'most half a pound to the animal. My, but didn't he have a glorious fit afterward, though I" "He didn't?" "To bo sure," said Tom placidly. "He went up and down and around and around as if ho were wound up. I tell yon, Nan, if a man and of course it will ba a man ever invents a perpetual motion tnaohine, he'll have au able bodied cat in a fit as the foun dation of it." I think you're cruol I Where is the poor thing now?" "nesting quietly on the porch in the shade, " said Tom, in a condescend ing tone. "I resuscitated him." "How?" queried Kan, trying to continue to be severe. By Ohristiau seienoe. I just sat still and pretended that the oat wasn't having a fit, aud it you 11 believe me, Nan, he was sleeping peacefully in ten minutes." Nan stuck a long straw into the cake and said nothing. "Say, Nan. ' Tom s voice sounded a little anxious. Nan looked bard at the cake, an 1 closed the oven door with exaggerated care. "Your mother says you're going to hive a house party, ventured Join. "Too bad you didn't know 1 was go ing to be iu town, isn't it?" "Oh, 1 clou t know," said Kan, tan nins herself with her handkerchief. "I'm afraid you and Harry Morford wouldn t get on very well together. However, you onn come over here when vou want to they re going to be here over buuday. "You know I can't bear Harry Mor ford," said Tom, swinging his feet with renewed vigor. "I didn't ask him for your benefit. You'll knock all the paint off the house if you keep on kicking. "I don't see what you see in him, really, Nan," Tom went ou moodily. "He makes me tired. "I don't have to measure ray friends by your tape line," sad Nau coldly. "When I decide to do bo I'll let you know." "I'm a little hard o' hearing," said Tom, flushing, "but I think I hear some one calling me away ;" aud he dropped out of eight upou the soft cra-s below. Nau was surprised when bo vanished. He had never minded what she said to him before, and she was sorry she had not been more pleasant. Still, be had no right to dictate as to her oboioe of friends, nor to mistreat Munger s cat in that way, aud she did not care if he never came back. She caught herself listening, nevertheless, as she went on with her work, for his step on the gravel walk, aud could not help fueling disappoint ed that he did not return. When her cuke was dono she had to dress, aud then it was time to drive down to the 1.30 traiu in the old fash ioued carryall for ber guests. She was not as glad to see them as sue expected to be, but as they wero all talking at once, aud each oue of tho seven was busy admiring the ejeuery aud raving over the woods uud river, her luolt oi enthusiasm was not noticed. She was tired, aud Hurry Morford was Uuu suully wearisome in his efforts to en turtain her, telling jokes that Nan hud reud in theaoiuio papers weeks before. mingled with bits of small talk au gossip in which she was not inter ested. As tbey paesod a turn in the road Nan saw Tom ou horseback, waiting at oue aide for tho noisy load to go by ; and she laughed at Hurry Mor ford's joking for the iirst time. "That's yonng Rrclloy, isn't it?" ho asked, removing his hat iu a lan guid bow. "I hear he s come duck from abroad to go into journalism. He has been foreign corrospon- dnnt of the News for a voar. Bald Nan, starting the old horse into a trot by flapping the rein,, "and has come baok now to take an editorship on tho fttfttl." Indeed?" said Morford, with a shadow of a sneer in his voioe. 1 should not thiuk he'd want to work when he could have a gay time and live on his income." Tom is not lazy, and has too much self rcBper.t to be idle." Nan in tended thisas a home thrust. "There, people, what do you think of our lit tle cottage?" She was glad to have ber mother come out to welcome them as they drovo up, for it seemed as if she could not hold up her end of the conversa tion anv longer, and Harry Morford was beginning to be provoked. She roused herself now, and entered into tho fun. thonsh her heart was not in it. They danced, boated, played cards and tennis, and she led them all in everything ; but she found no pleas ure in it. and in her secret heart she knew why. Her mother invited Tom to dinner on Friday, but he doclined on the snore of a previous engagomont, and JNan saw him on the hotel piazza with one of the girls, later. She did not care, and showed she didn't by bowing coolly, and chatting away with Harry iIorford as if she enjoyed it. Tom, too, was miserable, but it never entered his head to think Nan was really angry. He only knew that she had not given him as pleasant a wel come as the other girls had, and he did not want to see Harry Morford basking in her favor for all the world like Munger's oat basking iu the sun. For that animal Tom had no sympathy. It ought to know best what was good for it, after its large experience with fits; aud as for its eating capacity, he thought it might more fittingly have been named "Hunger's cat.". Meanwhile, having grown weary of seeing Nan among the gay company, after having refused, on various pleas, all invitations to join them, he became verj attentive to his mother. When she was tired or busy he took long walks by himself iu the woods. On one of these rambles, as he strolled by the river, he heard a plaintive "mew " from a thicket by the path. Pushing aside tho bushes, be discovered Plun ger's oat struggliu to release his fore paws from a bird trap in which they were caught. Tom lifted the stone, expeoting the cat to run off as soon as it was released, but it did not move. Tom picked it up then, as gently as he oould, in deference to the injured paws; aud inwardly raging, though outwardly peaceful, he made his way hrough the underbrush to the Haw thorne cottage. Some of the party were playing croquet, and others were laughing over tennis, but Tom noted a long way off that Nau and Harry Morford wore sittiug in the shade on tho poroh, talking. As Tom came up the path, holding tho great yellow cat awkwardly under his arm, Harry spoke first. Oh, here comes jouug uraciiey with your cat, Miss Nan. Hand him over to mo, Bradley ; I just dote on cats." I found Munger's oat in the woods, Nan," said Tom coolly. "He caught hi feet in a trap, and I think they'd be improved by a little witoh hazel." "Come UD. Bradley. Ho much obliged," said Morford. "Here, take my chair; I'll sit on the steps. for all the world," thought torn angrily, "as if he owned the place." "1 iu ever so muoh obliged, said Nan, somewhat icily, in her effort to be indifferent. "Come np and sit down while I go and doctor him np, "No, thank you," replied Tom, not pleased at the prospect of a tete-a-tete with Morford. "'l reoiiy can t. i promised to take mother boating this afternoon, and have taken too long a stroll, now , and he started off again. He did not walk so rapidly, however, that he failed to boar Morford a re mark to Nan as she rose to go in. "What an uppish young fellow he is, to be sure 1 It was a pity that Tom angrily quick ened his steps before Nan answered, She waited a minute to steady her voice, and then said with distinctness, "If Tom is uppish, Mr. Morford it is a pity more youug men are not like him ;" and she slammed tho screen door behind her as she went into the house. Tuesday, the last day of his vaca tion, Tom spent on the water rowing. He did a great deal of thinking, too, which left him in a very unsutistlod frame of miud. As far as he was con cerued he felt that his week's vacation had been wasted, for he certainly had not enjoyed it. He had boeu boating, hud played tennis and gone on a straw ride with the hotel girls, but he had felt all the time that they wero not like Nan. He could not bear the sight of Morford, and yet wont so far as -to imagine that Nan was engaged to mm, though it made him pull harder on the oars to think of it. It was well on in the af ternoou when Tom, much disturbed by his day's re flections, turned the bow of the bout towurds home. As ho neured the dock he wus greatly sturtled to hear a fern iuiue scream from among the over hanging willows on the bauks. Ho turned about suddenly, aud called out "liello, what's the matter up there?' Nuu'ii troubled face appeurod at ouco among tho leaves as she answered his hail. "Oh, Tom, Tom, please get Mun ger's c it out I He full iu the water aud I can't reach him." loin looked arouud and saw the yel low animal fiouuderiug in a foot f water, under an overhanging bank which it could not climb, it was in no danger of drowuiu. so Tom bo came emboldened bv eiroumf tuuees. 'Confound Muuger's cat) Why on't you call Morford?" ho coolly in uired. "He just dotes on cats." "Mr. Morford's gone baok to the city with the others," said Nan impa tiently. "Do, do fish tho poor thing out I" Why didn't he stay?" queried Tom. "You Bcemed to enjoy his so ciety." 1 didn't asit him to, anu oesniea, I don't like him," said Nan, stamping hor foot on the grass. "Willi you get that cat for me?" "The bath will do him good, said Tom, splashing tho wator with his oars. "He might have another fit if I touched him." Oh. Toml" cried Nan, lunning down on the old wharf, "I'll love you forever if you'll get the poor thing out before ho drowns." "What?" Tom stopped plashing. "I say, pleaso get him out," said Van. reddenin?, "If you meant that, Nan, say it again, said Tom solemnly. "I'll love you forever if you'll get him out," repeated Nan hastily. "There now, hurry up I I'm sure he's dead now." "Pretty lively looking corpse," said Tom, as he lifted tbo wet, struggling cat into the boat. "Do you want him there?" "No," said Nan, drawing baok. "Let him dry first, please." "Miss Nan, please, ma'am," Baid tho familiar voioe of Milly, behind her, "I've come for Jenny, please, and muoh obliged to you." "How do yon do, Milly 1" said Tom pleasantly. "We are drying the cat. He had a fit the other day from over eating, and I concluded that a warm bath would be beneficial to him. I warrant the treatment to kill or cure." "Did you have a pleasant time in theoity, Milly?" asked Nan, kindly. "3nre we did," replied the child, picking up the dripping cat, 'except the babv. He swallowed a pin, and -had to be 'eperimented on by tho doc tor. Cost five dollars and was pretty exciting." "Must havo been for the baby," said Tom thoughtfully. "We ve all enjoyed having the cat with us." said Nan, "aud we'll miss it when it s gone. if vou ever want to give it away,' Tom said, "send it to Mr. Henry Mor ford, in the city I'll give you the address. No, but really, Milly, Miss Nan beoame very particularly engaged a few minutes ogo, added iom, hold ing out his hand to bePVNan to the boat, into which she obediently tapped; "and besides, shea going for a row, so we 11 have to exouso you Good by I" We'll invite her to the wedding. he continued, fitting: the oars firmly in the looks. "I thiuk she'd make a lovely flower girl." Then, as the boat lloated rapiuiy awav in obedience to his strong pull ing. Tom took out his handkerchief and waved it to the little girl, who was still standing on tho wharf, holding the damp, ugly cat she so muoh ad. mired. 'Good by," he colled. "Good by, Munger's cat !" Munsey'd Magazine, Climatic Effects. The Civil War is said to have beou caused by a dillerence in climate, and the question is now being discussed whether a hot or a cold climate has the greatest effect on National charac ter. It has been widely believed that a severe climate produces the greater effect, because it compels eilort and self-denial, and thus promotes energy and inventiveness, It would also seem that the influence of climate upon Natisual oharaeter has been greatly exaggerated. Assyria, Babylonia, i'ypt and uartnage, situ ated iu hot latitudes, were among the most masterful Nations of antiquity. Mohammed aud his conquering legions issued from the burning wilderness of Arabia, and at a later period his suc cessors were able to beat back the re peated attacks of the combined cru sading Nations from the North. The greatness of a .nation depend! mainly upou intellectual and moral qualities, and theso havo often been conspicuously developed among the inhabitants of hot climates, it is im portant, too, to remember thot the eamo Nation, ocoupying tho samo re gion, may be great and powerful in oue age and weak and contemptible in another. The dillerence betwoen the ancient Greeks, Romans aud Saracens, on the one hand, and their modern descendants on the other, cannot have been duo to climato. Now York Jour nal. Some Industrious Spiders. A syrup bottler has improved upon tho prison lesson of Bruce, says a writer iu Science. Ho has taken the spider into partnership in the working of one of his most important depart ments. Flies, cockroaches aud other insects, attracted by his sweets aud eneouraged by the genial air of his work, get iuto his bottles, steal bin goods and "worry him to death.' Some 0000 spiders now muko theii home on the ceiling aud walls of hit bottling dej-artmeut. Suid the bottler to au interviewer : "These creatures know more than a great many peojdo. Spiders do not cure for sweet tbiug, aud never drop iato my vuts or get into my bottles. I never disturb them exoopt to feed them cccusiouully. They appear to kuow my cull and will come nut aud feed from my baud or take a ily from my fiuger. ""They shut thomselves up during inott of the winter months iu their little nests you see ttuck like daubs of mud about tho ceiling. Whcu winter comes I brush awuy tho webs. They prefer to weuve new ones every spring. "i have been running this spider farm only two years, but I fiud my little partners iudispeusuble. They will not endure iu the place a tiuylo fly or inseot that is a pluudercr of swoeU and syrups. TlIEMKttKV SIDE OK LIFE. STORIKS THAT AHT2 TOI.T) BY THE FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Mother (loose Ulcyclo Jingle Ken- son for It Searching for tho Fu ture Overdone, Kte., Ktc. Slug a song of VyjhM A pocketful of gold! Tour and twenty different klnrts, And each the best that's sold; Each one with its partisan lis eulogies to slug, Every one the daintiest That evor boro a klni;. KEASON FOll IT. "De Simbo is very polished.' "Yes; you seo be has rubbed up against the best people. Philadel phia North American. SEABCHINO THE FUTUltE. At 2 a. m. : Johnson (gloomily) I wonder what my wife will say when I got home?" Thompson (moro gloomly) 1 won der what mine will do !" Cincinnati Enquirer. OVBHDONB. Dnkano "I don't knotf-bow you came to lose money in that achemo. You told mo it was a rare investment." Gaswell "The investment may have been a rare one, but I was well dono before I got through with it." Pitts burg Chronicle. a oevttjE nr.MiSDKn. "I want you to uudeMtan 1," ro.ired Beofly, "that tho sun never eets on tho British empire." 'That's right," quietly ropliod Ynnk E. Doodle, "but Undo Sam has found it necessity to sot on hor once iu a while" Detroit Freo Pros3. GBTrlNfl EVES. "I'm putting up a prescription for your wife's milliner," said the dru'r clerk to his employer. "What shall I chargo her?" "What is tho usual prioe for what she is getting?" "Fifty oouts." "Charge her S?. 75. "Texas Sifter, nauhow. "It must bo pleasant to sit hero and watch the ever-varyinat throng," Baid tho Bympathotio visitor. "AhrBighod the living nkeloton. "Little do you realizo how narrow my existence is." When one turned to tho fat woman the truth of his assertion received new impetus. Cincinnati Enquirer. nn knew au ADorr it. "My friends," exolaiined the orator in his most impassioned tonus, "the great dilnculty with tho world, tho great troublo with mankind, is un rest." And tho thin, tired looking man on the end of the frout row arousod him self and exclaimed, 'That's a faot." Ho was the father of recent twins, and he know. Texas Siftor. SAID IT TO HIS FACE. Mother (roproviugly) "Willy, yon should nevor talk behind any ono's back. Backbiting is a m?an sin. If you over havo canso to say anything against anothor boy Buy it to his face." Mother (as Willy comes in an hour later with torn and dusty clothes, aud his face adorned with a handsome blaok eyo) "Why, what ic the world happened to you, Willy?" Willy (betweon 'sobs) "Why er er I ha 1 something ,to say against Mickey Branuigan, and I took your advise and said it beforo his fuoe." Sparc Moments. AN UNEXPECTED (JRKEriNG). Tbo gentle Elsie sat drearily iu the gloamiug in the frout room. She was very (miserable, for on tho previous night she hail had words with hor own, and now she fears her haughty Harold will not call. She hears a step, a ring, a voice she known, and'some oue speaking to tho servants in the hall. She will not wait uutil a light is brought, but gently calls, "Come in 1" The visitor enters, and, with a sigh of awful volume, the fair Elsie cast borsolf into his arms and softly mur murs : "Oh, my darling, I am so glad you have come I I have so wanted to make it np and settle." And he of tho embrace remarked : "Well, Miss, it's very nice of yon, and I'm very glad, too, that you're go ing to eottlo up at last." it was the gas collector I Spare Moments, ItBl'NITBO. It was at tho busiest timo of tho day that tho lightly clad figure of a womuu wus seen hurrying along the street. Her morniug gown trailed iu tho dust, her uncovered hair had fallen iu a coil to her waist, and her fuoe wore au ex pression of territlo I auxiet.y. It wus evident to all who saw her that a mother had lost her child. Many were the sympathotio glances that followed her, and a few, with intrusive helpfulr noHs, ventured to join her iu he seatoh. "He has tho loveliest large brown oyOB," tho woman explained, "aud his hair is a tuulo of curls all over his little head. He Uu't used to the streeta, and " Suddenly her voice failed her. Breaking away from the hands that would have held hor, she sprang into the street and thiew her bt If before u passiug eloctrio cur. Then rising with astrunge, disheveled)tluro clasped in her arms, she, womuulike, begun raining kisses upon it uud re proaching it iu the sumo brouth: "Fido, jou naughtyuaughty, naughty littlodugl How oould you ' But her symputhi.ers bud lied and the glances that ever reached were cold i and critical. Judge. THE DOORWAY OF THE ROSS, Over tho doorway of the rose I Wandered a vollow-bandud bee, If th Hps of nooa Were to hum a tune, They would hum that drowsy melody, fliat sninn low, resonant ehant, that he Sang there In the sweetest flower that blows. Fast asleep lay the blushing rose, Lulled by the notes of that monotone, Kveu tho dancing feet Of the r.ephyrs fleet Htood. stilt nt sound of that murmurous drone. That note next higher than silence, blown Along the tubes Whore the honey flows. Forth from tho doorway of the rose Flashed the wings of tbo laden bee. Yet If you will You may hear him stll'. Never from Nature's barmouy If lost ono chord thnt may well agree, She does not forget tho song she knows. Curtis May, In the Bachelor of Arts, lll'MOIt OK THE 1AY. Nations move by cycle?, eays Emer son. Boys move bicycles, too. It is no sign that a hen meditates harm to her owner because she lays for him. No wonder "lis Tho poor man frets; So grent his wants, Ho small bis gets. "Say," said the goat, "your butter bolieve I'm getting fat." "Here, too," chirped tho canary. "I'm eating by the peck." Tho Minister "I suppose, these times, a man has got to keep his eyes opon?" The Deacon "Yes, indeed; except on Sunday." "I don't quito see why yon call Mr. Biggs loatorn-juwed?'' "Why, because his faca lights up so when he talks." Brooklyn Life. "What a flatterer you are to tell her she speaks French without the least accent." "Why, of course, dear without the leait Frcuch acoont." Truth. Jack "I suppose her father wonted to know all about your income aud prospeots?" Bob "Oh, yes! He was just as inquisitive as Li Hung Chang." Puck. To cure a woman of stammering ask her what she thinks of the girl her husband cntuencar getting engaged to a couple of years beforo sho married him. Texas Sifter. . . - Mrs. Jabber (to Mr. Jabber) "Are you owore that you tain in your sleep?" Yonng Jabber (who had just been silenood) "What other chanoe does he get?" Tit-Bits. Mrs. Newed "Well, you osn't say that I didn't pour oil on the troubled waters." Mr. Newed "Ob, no I The only trouble was that you put a match to it afterwards. iruth. "Why, Jimtnie," said the graoinus hostess, "you have taken half a pie on your plate." "Yes'm. Mamma said I mus'n't have but one piece when I was visitin'." Detroit Froe Press. "Ah, good morning!" said the early bird to tho worm. "Looking for a job?" 'That's what." "Any thing I can do for you?" "Yes, you'll about fill the bill, I think." Harlem Life. An old adago says that "courtesy opens many doors." Yes, and lack of courtesy leuvos them opeu. Won't somebody invent a new adage that will tell what will shut many doors. Texas Sifter. Sympathizer (to prostrate bioyolist) "Any serious damage from the ac cident V" Fallen Bioyolist (feebly) "1 don't know yet. i have have haven't looked at my wheel." (Faints away.) Life. "How did you dare tell futhor that you have a prospect of a hundred thousand dollurs a year?" she asked, "Why," he auswered iu righteous in dignation, "I have if 1 marry you." Washington Star. The Keward ot Virtue. Tho following story is related of a gentleman who invited a numbot ot Suuday school childreu to a treat in his beautiful grounds. Not the least appreciated among the many good things worn the excellent strawberries and cream, of which there was a plen tiful supply. Seeing how tho childreu enjoyed those, the good man, wishing to im prove the occasiou, a.idres.sed them : "Well, boys," he said, "I hope yott have thoroughly enjoyed your straw berries aud cream?" "Yes, sir," was tho reply, iu lusty chorus. "But suppose," ho continued, "that instead of having boeu invited here, you had stolen over my garden wall and helped yourselves when no one was looking, you would not havo en joyed them half us much, would you?" "No, sir," replied tho chorus. "And why not?" queried the'r ben efactor. To this answer there was no imme diate response, tho boys beiug appar ently 'shy of giviu; any roasou. At length, however, a little urchin, rath er bolder than the rest, piped out: " 'Cause wo shouldn't have had do cream with them I" Pittsburg Dsputoh. Bute vf the r iit loins. It is hard to realize that prior to B. C. 700 there wero no true run, The iugots or buttons of gold aud silver were weighed at every merouutile transaction. Tho Lydiau of Asia Minor are credited with having been tho t'-itto east aud stunp with au of ficial device small oval gold ingots of dot'mitd fixed weight -au invention straugoly delayed, but of inestimable iinportauoa to iudustry aud com merce. A ooiu has been described us "u pieoo ot metal of lixed weight, stamped by authority of the Govern, mout uud employe I ua u medium oi exchange." Uood Words.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers