iThe Forest Republican Is published every Wednesday, by J. E. WENK. Offlo in 8mearbangh & Co.'t Building ELM STuEET, TIONESTA, TA. 1'rm, - Dl.ourerYonr, No subscriptions roeolved for a shorter period than throe monthn. Correspondence solloited from nil parts of tha rouuiry. No notlo. will bs tnkea of 4iaoaymous coininuni.atlons. RATIS OF ADVERTISING! Forest republican. On. Bqtiaro, on. iaota, .n. Iiuertlaa. .1 IW On. (Square on. tneh, on. month. . . I OOJ On. Kquare, od. inoh, tbrae montai. , 00 On. Square, on. Inch, on. year ... . , WW Two ttquaris, on. yanr ., 18 00 Quarter Column, on. yar. ........... 8OC Half Column, onayaar : BO 00 On. Column, on. y.ar. . ... ...... 100U Legal drertisemantt tea call par ilM each insertion. Marriages and death Bottom graMa. All bills for yearly adr.rtli.ment. coOaaMd quartarly. Temporary advertisement Beast be paid la advanoa. ; Job work cash on delivery. . ' VOL. XXVIII. NO. 33. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, DEC. 4, 1895, S1.00 PER ANNUM. Korea is becoming almost as erratic and tnrbnlent ah. a Bouth American Republic. Tho groat exodus from Canada to Ibo United States has bocoino a party issue in the Dominion. Building ground comes high in London. Lately a plot of fifty-seven square yards in Lombard street sold at 3G0OO per square yard. The Director of the Unitod States Mint estimates, and behoves bis esti mnte to be within the mark, that the world's production of gold for 1895 will amount to 8200,000,000. The great decreaso in the percent age of diphtheria mortality in New York City for 1895, as shown by the Board of Iloalth statistics, is a strong argument in favor of tho anti-toxiuo remedy. The failure of several wator-power 'clcotrio plants from dry weather sug gests to the Atlanta Constitution tho necessity of a small steam power in re serve in case of works using nearly all their available water powor in ordin ary dry seasons. Chinese rainmakers dross a dog in comio attire and corry it through the streets, in the belief that the laughter excited will oause a pleasant frame of mind among the gods and induce them to end a drought. The Chinese claim thot their rainmakers are as success ful as tho American and far less ex pensive. A Frenoh scientist has recontly dig covered a moans of increasing the illuminating power of ordinary coal gas about fifteen times. The increase is accomplished by supplying a small bnt constant current of air to the flume. A tiny elcctrio motor is fixed in the body of the gas lamp which is a diminutive ventilator. The motor Ja run by a current supplied by a couple of Fmall accumulators. The flame has a remarkable brilliancy, and limps have been constructed on this pattern with au illuminating power of 8)0-candIe power. Tho young King of Spain saw his first bull light tho other day, an nounces tho New York Tribune. His mother, who has a horror of the brutal sport, postponed the event as long as possible; but even she was unable to override the ancient court preoedent that prescribes attendance on bull fights as part of the education of a Christian monarch. The little chau viewed the sport without betroying any enthusiasm, and departed without rewarding the successful matador, in accordance with custom. And some Spaniards, therefore, fear that ho may bring discredit on his order and race by taking a stand against the National fport when he grow) to man's estate. Spain now has in Cuba an army of F0.0O0 men. This is a foroe greater by 10,000 than the whole British army in India. The entire population, white and colored, is ouly four times as great, and its proportion to the num ber of whites capable of bearing arm is about that of ouo or two. Rarely does history record an instauoe where a country so small has been invade 1 by an army bo great, cud when it is remembered that the Spaniards con trol the whole administrative and in dustrial machinery of Cuba, and that they have the more or less effective sympathy of a not iuoonsiderable local party, tbe New York Times thinks their lack of sucoess is a startling commentary both on tho military skill of Spain's Generals and soldiers and on the merits of the cause for which they are supposed to be fight ing. The New York Independent pub lishes one of tho most rcmnrkaYe V-.-coveries ever made in American his tory. It is nothing less thau the oldest document in existence of the period of the Dutch settlemeut of New York. It is a long official journal kept, in the winter of 1631-3(1, by l.n fan " , , -1 . , - 4 1, !.,. !,,. ... vviiunii vuo ui hut? luauiuy men in the colony, who niado a visit to the villages of the Iroquois con federation, consisting of the Mohawks, Oueidus, Ouondugas, Cayugas und 'Seneca Indiau tribes. This journal, which has lain lost in a garret in Hol land for two hundred and sixty year?, has been found by General James Grant Wilson, and brought to this country, and the translation shows it to be of extraordinary interest for the history of New York and the geo graphy of tbe region between Albany and Utioa, which wus then wholly held by Indians. The conclusion of tbe journal consists of a lint of Indiun words with their translations, making the earliest Iroquois vocabulary known, the publication of which is de layed till another week. IN THE FIELDS. The reapers thoy are singing In tho fields of golden grain, And a morry sour arises on tho mountain and the plain; And It's ho I for life and living, for no bless ing heaven denied, And a sons of glad thanksgiving goes In muslo to tho skies! The reapers they are singing, for tho har vest smiles to God, Where the heavenly bonedlctlon give tho color to the clod; There Is gladness In the morning there Is Kindness In the night; For the corn Is hanging heavy, and tho cot ton fields are white ! ?ho roapor.s thoy are singing, for tho sum mer dnys are past, in 1 toil Is crownod with plonty, and with sweet reward at Inst ! And It's ho! for Mound living, for no bless ing heaven denies, And sjngs of glad thanksgiving go In muslo to the sklos! Atlanta Constitution. EFFECT OF A STOKY. EUUAl'S it was partly her fault, or may be it was all his fault Any way, they had just had a quarrel, one of those unpleas ant little aftairs in which neither one nor the other will give in or acknowledge being in the wrong, but thinks it the duty of the other, equally blameless participant, of course, to first say, "I am sorry." And it was their first quarrol, too. Then he falls back on tho old re sort and says, "I am going to the club. He gets his hat and coat and is about to open the door to step out when she half repents and asks him not to go, but to stay at home with her, "at least one evening in the week. " But he is either obstinate to her ap peal or does not hear her, for he closes the door with a bang and loaves her alone, to return, perhaps at midnight. perhaps at dawn. Then she takes the usual course, throws herself on a lounge and orios. He goes directly to the club. There ho moet a few of his friends and they ait down for a smoke. Thus they sit for porhapa half an hour, when the entrance of a rather fat individual seems to create quite a commotion among the smokers. He is besiegod on the right and loft to come and join them in their smoke and Robert Lang don wonders who this rather stout in dividual who enjoys such popularity can be. "Major Hunt, one of the most capital story tellers we have had for some time," answers one of his friends, in reply to a laughing query IromLangdon. "Wait until yon hear one of his stories ; you will think so, too." "Major, this is my friend Lang don." Tho Major has hardly made hiuself comfortable before he is asked to to tell one of his stcries, and after a while yields to the entreaties of tho crowd and begins : "There is not an army post in the country, or in tbe world, which has cot joine little romance interwoven in its history. But one which I espo peoially remember is one in hioh the faithfulness of woman, as 1 will call it, played suoh an important part as to fix the story in my mind for ever. "It was about five years ago, at a Western fort, that this inoident hap pened. We had there a young private who came, I believe, from the some where. I never did find out exactly whore he came from, and I have even forgotten his name now. He seemed to be an indifferent sort of a follow, rarely joining the rest of the men iu their larks, and keeping pretty muoh to himself. Ho was a haudsomi young man, too, nearly six feet tall, it I remember correotly. It was his mysterious manners which made us wonder what he did with himself dur ing his spare moments that is, when his time was not required by Uncle Sam. We tried in vain to find out. All that we could ever learn of him was that he was always in his mean room during these intervals, and his companion privates there said, 'He reads and reads all the time,' that's all. Army life did not seem to agree with him very much and wo could not soe why he ever entered into it. Still there was no one in the fort with nerve enough to ask him the questions we were so anxious to have answered. He was the ouo mystery of the fort. Perhaps you will wonder why we ofli strs thould take any interest in a common private, but bofore I am through you will see who that was. "What was also a mystery to us was how he bad managed to become well enough acquainted with the quarter master's daughter to be soon occasion ally out walking with her. Her name, you must remember distinctly, is Genevieve Uutle. She was the belle of the fort. I do not believe to this .day that there was hardly a man in that fort at that time who would not have stood even Indiun torture if she bad so wished but don't be alarmed, gentlemen. No sunn thought would ever have entered that girl's mind. And thou she was very beautiful. Per haps this had something to do with it. Those among us who had been sick had especiul reasons for feuliug grate ful to her, for as soon as she heard of a euse of sickness she seemed to be o i pins ami needles until she received consent from her father to nurse the sick one, whether he was officer or private. In truth, her kindness and itharitableuess to all made adorers out of half the men iu the fort, and the other half were dead iu lovo with her. "Now to get down to the story. Out day there came Hie auuouucemeut thut the Indians had gone on the war path and that the men should be got in readiness to leave at almost any moment to hunt down a band of rov ing bucks, who were thought to be in our neighborhood, before they had much chance of robbing and killing the settlors. One morning the com mand came, and a troop of oavalry was detailed to go out, and, if possi ble, bring them in. The matter had now taken quite a serious turn, for the fow bucks who bad started the dep redations on a small scale bad been joined by tho others, nntil several hun dred of them had gone on the war path in dead earnest. It happened that tho myslorious private's troop was tne one detailed to go out tirst on a sort of a reoonnoitcring trip, and if on investigation it was thought ncoessary to Soud out more men they were to re turn for reinforoements. "It was a busy scene at the fort that rooming. Soon the bugle sounded, the men leaped into their saddles and moved up to the gate of the fort. It was a proud moment for the men who composed that troop, for it was their first actual expedition after tho enemy. Then came the sound of tho bugle again and the men were off, with the cheers of their comrades ringing in their ears. "We in the fort had many anxious hours that day and night, wondering haw the expedition would turn out, though we little thought that there would be any serious results. They would probably return, we thought, with, tho whole band of redskins as prisoners. We had no idea that the red imps would dare defy them or much less fire on them. "During the night a terrible snow storm sot in, however, and we" kept anxious watch to see if they would give up the chase on this account and return to the fort. But no. The night passed away and dawn still saw no trace of tbe men. Tho storm seemed to becomo more furious with the ad vent of day, and the blinding flakes made it impossible to see many feet outside the fort. Then misgivings re garding the safety of the men begun to tuke form. We had now almost for gotten the Indians, and our only thoughts were of the men and how they would manage to return to the fort in this terrible storm. About noon there was a lull in the wind and snow, and couriers were sent out to see if any traoe of the troop could be found. They might' be wandering a a few miles outside tbe fort, we thought, unable to find their way in. The searchers returned, however, after a fruitless seareb, saying that it was impossible to find any trace of them, cot knowing exactly where to look for them. The ground, of course, having been covered by the snowstorm after their departure, it was impossible to follow in their tracks." "About 3 o'clock in tho afternoon, however, we were rewarded in our watch by seeing a dark mass off to the west, and as it drew nearer a shout went up from the watchers, as we dis covered our missing troop. "When the men rode into fort again they were ,plied with questions as to what they had done during the terri ble storm. But the queries were out short by tho announcement that they had been pursued by at least threo hundred Indians, who had poured bul lets into the little troop tor a while, and that one man was missing alto gether. Then for the first time we no ticed that many of tho men were cov ered with blood. They had not boon one of the fort five hours, they said, when they were attacked by a band of redskins most unexpectedly, for they had no idea that they were so near the fort. They seemed to have been wait ing for them, for their retreat back was cut off by half the band, while the rest kept up a fire on them from am bush. They managed to get out of it without the loss of any men, however. A hot fire had been kept up on both sides while the retreat lasted, and sev eral on our side bad been wounded, und, as some of the men insisted, the Indiana had lost quite a few to tbe happy hunting grounds. They at last gave up tbe chase when the storm set in. The 'mysterious private' was missed when the troop emerged from a strip of woods about twenty miles from tho fort. He was wounded dur ing the fight, and bad evidently given up the flight from exhaustion. While the men were telling this we stood about and wondered what would be done to find the poor fellow, who had now undoubtedly passed into another world. "The storm had again commenoed with seemingly added fury, and we realized what a dangerous undertaking it would be for anyone to set out with the intention of finding the poor fel low's body. We retired to our quar ters after hoaring co end of narrow escape stories from some of the pri vates, to await orders from the com mandant as to the next move. "We had all given up the idea of going after the body by nightfall thut is, all but one. "Before my time for arising the next morning there came to my eurs the loudest cheering, mixed with shouts, thut I have ever heard in all my lifetime. I hastily dropped into my clothes and ran out to see what was up. Near the gate I saw almost the entire populutiou of the fort, so it seemod to me, most of them en gaged in cheering and shoutiug over something. Before I reached the crowd it parted and two persons rodo towurd me the 'mysterious private' uud Genevieve Hutle. As she pussed me, standing almost glued to tiu spot with surprise, sho culled out, 'Ploas autmoruiug. Major,' just as though she had come iu iroui a uior:iiug's pleasure ride. "That girl had actually ridden out of the fort at dawn to tiud that young scump, who did uot seem to be hurt ut all save for a few scratches such as the rest of the troops had received. .She had met him, fortunately, ridiu-r toward tho fort, e-r (iol Uuoas w.Uil might havo become of that brave girl in the snow. It surprised me a little perhaps, to see her so happy after such a dangerous undertaking. But that was, of course, natural then, as I did not kndw'what had passed be twen thom on that ride. "During the absence of the yonng fellow one of his comrades had chock enough to examine his effects to find out who he was and notify his rela tives of his death, so he said, but as I boliove, to see what the duce it was that kept him so busy during the evenings. But the big stories the man expected to tell of what he found are still untold, for he found 'only a lot of books, principally law books, newspaper clippings ot testimony in trials and a lot of other useless trash,' as he expressed himself. What the deuce the follow was doing with these was more than be conid imagine. Then a great light burst npon me. Im agine a private in the service of Uncle Sam giving up all the pleasures of army service very few there are for the sake of studying law. ahd you have a view of our 'mysterious pri vate,' with the mystery cleared up. "Well, as you have perhaps already guessed, they both left us a few months later. The young fellow's en listment expired, and I guess he was pretty tired of army life. He went to New York, I believe, taking the belle of tho fort with him. I have strong reasons to believe that this was settled during that ride into the fort. I heard of him once since then. One of his friends at the fort said he had quite a law practice down East here. "The Indians were rounded up af terward and subdued. They were scared, I guess, by what they had done, and--" "What's the matter, Langdon, not gcing already, are you? The story did not effect you so seriously, did it? Why, man, I actually believe there are tears in your eyes !" 'jWell, no but I really have to go now. I have an appointment at home and I've got to go cow, or I am liable to be late. Whether Robert Langdon had an appointment at home or not, does not matter muoh. Sufficient is it to soy that he did go directly home, where he found his wife on tho lounge, just where she had thrown herseif as he left to go the olub. A sob greeted him as he approached her. "Genevieve, can you forgive me? It was all my fault, and if you'll for give me, I'll never do it again." She turned up her tear-stained faoe to him and he bent over and kissed her, wondering how it ever entered into him to be so cruel. "No, it was not your fault, it was mine. I actually drove you to that horrid club, when I know you don't care to go there." "Well, we will not fight about that just cow. Do you remember Major Hunt at the fort? I heard him tell a story at the club to-night a story of how a young girl at a Western fort, a few years ago, rode out into the snow to rescue a man who had got lost from his troop, and how she brought him in safe and sound. Shall I toll it to you? I remember it, word for word." "No, you need not, and if you're not going to stop your overrating talk about that I am just going to get angry again ; now 1" He stopped. Chicago News. Transplanting Teeth. Among tho wonders of modern sur gery there is nothing more remarka ble than the transplanting of teeth. Some years ago a dentist on the Pa cilia ocast oreated a sensation by ex tracting a tooth from the jaw of one person and inserting it in the jaw of another. Since thut time the opera tion has been repeatedly tried, but with cot altogether satisfactory re sults. At least twenty-five per cent, of the cases have failed of success. Considering that the experiment is iu its iufancy, this is encouraging. The method is to select the tooth roqtiired for the purpose, pains being taken that it is of just the size and shape to fit the space of the one removed. The crown is severed from tho root, which is thon doprived of its pericementum and shaped to suit the operator. A thorough cleausing of the nerve canal is next in order, then the apex of the root is filled and hermetically sealed with a tiny platina tube carefully fitted into the nerve canal. After the most careful course of antiseptic treatment the socket is prepared to received the new root, which is se cured in place and so covered that it is safe from shocks and pressure. After about six weeks, or when the union has taken pluce, provided the opera tion is successful, a porcelain crown is attached to tho root and the putieut has a fiuo, strong and natural-looking tooth. New York Ledgor. A Babe Bji'u Fund ot Bicycling-. A lady in Reno has a baby less than a year old which bus inherited a pe culiarity. Tho child has becu very puny and appeared to be constantly craving something. One thing after another has boen given to it and every meaus known to professional nurses was used iu an endeavor to satisfy this cruviug. "The mother is an expert bicyclist und is very fond of ridiug. It was remembered that before tho birth of tho child she had an almost irresistible desire to take a spin on her wheel, and it was thought likely thut the child had boon ruurkod iu this respect. About two weeks ago a basket ar rangement was uttaehed to a bicycle, the child put iuto it and given u ride of a mile or two. A chuuge was iin modiutoly noticeable iu its couditiou, uud daily outings of this character have resulted iu a complete cure of the little one's peevishuess, and the child has rupi.ily gained etreugth and il -ii ti ii I r fii.i treatment. Reno l.NtV.) Gazette. SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL. Over seven thousand varietios of microscopio sea shells have been enu merated by naturalists. The perfume of the nutmeg flower is said by some naturalists to have an intoxicating effect on small birds. Tho ivy-leaved lettuce opens its leaves and flowers at 8 o'clock in the morning and generally closes again by 4. A Canadian experimenter preserves wood from the boring beetle by soak ing it two or three months in a satu rated solution of lime. The Southern raciflo Railroad Com pany will uso crude petroleum from tbe Los Angeles oil fields as fuel for a number of their locomotives. One legal ohm equals 1.0112 British Association units ; hence, to transform resistances expressed in British Asso ciation units to legal ohms, the nu merical values have to be reduced by about one-tenth per cent. It is reported that a vein of iron ore has boon discovered in Midland Coun ty, Michigan, lying from a few inches to a few feet under the surface, run ning for a distance of one and one-half miles before coming to the end, the vein being eighty rods in width. In the case of musk, as it comes to tbe refiner, the odor is so pungent and unpleasant that those who have to ex amine the pods in which it comes have to wear cloths over their mouth and nose, and in some cases inhalation of the odor produces bleed ing at the cose. Bearing's law says that the blood and blood serum of an individual which has been artificially rendered immune against a ccitain infectious disease may bo transferred into an other individual with the cfleot to render the latter also immune.no mat ter bow susceptible this animal is to the disease in question. Among tho latest foreign rivals to cordite is "normal powder," which is manufactured in Sweden, and which, its owners say, is more reliable than cordite. They offer to bear the ex pense of competitive trials between this and all the best known rifle pow ders in Europe They claim also tnat by "normal powder" remarkably even velocities and low pressures are ob tained. The cotton thread used for the fila ments of incandescent lamps is parch mentized before carbonization by passing it slowly through a solution of sulphurio acid two parts, water one part, and finally washing it in water until every particle of tho acid is re moved. The parchmentized thread, after drying, is reduced to a uniform diameter by drawing it through dies, after the manner of wire drawing. Acme ot Ingratitude. A well-known auctioneer, inter viewed in London recently, tells this story : We had tbe conduot of a sale of the library and effects of a gentleman well known in his day for his speculations and his varied career as their result, and the usual crowd attended the auo tion. Tho first day's sale passed with out any incident, but iu the second day's proceedings a remarkable inci dent occurred. Just before the first lot of the books wus offered a gentle man walked into the room and asked the auctioneer if he'could purchase the library in its, entirety, so that the books should not be disturbed. There could be no objection to this as the li brary had been previously valued, and its price was named by the auctioneer. The would-be purohaser drew his cheok for the amount and the library was his for a few minutes ouly, for he said, "fum unknown to the man whose book) you have just sold, and I wish you to hand thorn back to him with my cord." The gentleman who made this gen erous gift was an engineer and con tractor, and a member of a firm of world-wide celebrity. Some years afterward I met him on Brighton Pier, and romiuded hi in of tho oir aumstanco. He then told me, to my astonishment, that tko recipient of the books had in no way acknowledged tho gift, which, to say the truth, was more remarkable than the generosity of his benefuetor New York Mail ana Express. Brought Tlicm Back. A New York man bought his own despised horse buck at an auction sale not many moons ago, and now a tale to match it comes from Loudon. A man with a passion for good bargains iu second-baud furniture failed to se cure a wife who shared it. When the house got so full of relies that there was co room for more, sho selected a fow pieces which bhe thought would not bo missed and sent them to au auction room to be sold. Tho even ing of tho day of tho sale came, and with it a roturn of all those pieces uud a few more. Her husband had hap pened in ou the sale and, not reoog -uiziug bis own furniture, bought it over again at a bargain which made tho terms of the original purchaser sink out of sight. Detroit I'roo l'ress. An Euarmuu-i Mejiiucr. The Westmoath, a new freight steumer recently launched ut Walls cud, Euglund, is u wonder iu snip architecture. Suo is 40j feet long, fifty-six feet beam, 31) feet moulded beam, uud has a carrying capacity of 1(),GU0 tons dead weight of cargo, or 14,500 tons by measurement. The en gines are triple expansion, with IS ) pounds pressure. Tho bottom is double, and the construction is a sys tem of oullust tanks. It is supposed thut the vessel is j ra ticully unsiuU ttblo ; but there have been so inaiiy ac cidents uud failures in this llut thut eveu the moit sanguine believers in water-tight compartments havo grown rkeptical. Now Vork Lu-lgur. THE MEKKY SIDE OF LIFE. 8T0RIKS THAT AKK TOLD BY THE FUNST MEN OF THE PHE3S. The Fashionable Aliment One More Victim Knew Its Pangem A Sufficient Kxplanntlon, Kto., K.lc. "One views these thing,'' said BrVr Fox, "According H his light is. J do not d'uSt tho.e irr.ipen nro swe'?l, llut I fenr appendicitis." one more virnw. "Anything new on hand, Ethel?" "Yes; another engagement ring." Detroit Free Press. KNEW ITS DANdEFtS. Lady of the House "Arc you fa miliar with all kinds of work?" Weary Willy- "Yes, mum; I'm onto it. '"--Puck. TniNK OF THE BrTTBHMir.K 1 "We bad some lovely grape butter in the country." "Do you know now they made it?" "Ob, churned the juice, I suppose 1" Chicago Record. A SUFFICIENT BXPHSATIOS. ne "I don't see why you need blubber so, even if Charley hns gono away." She "Don't you see I'm quito un manned?" Ilnrper's Weekly. A MVELT MOKSINO. Teacher "What excuse have you for beiug late?" Truthful James ".Mo watch was stole by a lrghwuyman ; an' it took me half an ho'ir tcr kill him au' git it back !" Puck. OOINd HIM ONE IlKTTKlt. "I began lifo without a ccut in my pocket," said the purso proud man to an acquaintance. "I didn't eveu have a poskot,' re plied the latter, meekly. Pittsburg Chronicle-Telegraph. NO DISOflSF. Husband (admiringly) "There's no use trying to disguise tho fact, yo.i are smarter than I am, my dear."' Wife (complacently) 'Tim faa, my love, has never been in disguise among those who know us." TOO St'nESTIVB. "I don't cat any moro at Suajg's restaurant." "Whynot?" "I complained of tho steaic yester day, and he told me to bridle my appetite." Detroit Free Pres. FINE DELICACY. She "He is a man of tho finest dolicaoy of fceliui, I don't care whit you say about him." He "That's so. Ho ouly touched me for a quarter when he might havo made it a dollar. " Detroit Free Tress. OF TUB WOULD. niggins "Do you think the earth is round?" Wiggiiis--"Blesscd if I know. Judg ing from my experience with tho people who live ou it, I'm pretty sure that it isn't square."--D.'troit Frjo Pross. mi nt'Lixa r.issioi. "Bunkins i-t worth millions," re marked one of the clerks iu the tax office. "And yet I'll bet anything bo will be on the delinquent tax list as usual." "Yes," was tho reply. "I never in my life knew a mnu so crazy to get his name iu print." Washington Star. A OUEAT HENl Nf'HTION. Sally Gay "Miss Old,- A had a ter riblo battle between pride an I in clination last night." Dolly Swift--". Io- was tint, leir?" Sully Gay "Why.it wis her thirty first birthday, au-l old Jack Gid lyboy wanted to kiss her oucj for each year, but she took ouly tweuty." New York World. A (lOOIl TCBX. Drummer "I've d.uo a big day's work to-day; havo tnkou order for over $3000 worth of g.a.l." Bill Collector "Wu i uro tlie par ties?" Drummer "All to Skiuuer .v Slow pay." Bill Collector "That meaus stea ly employment for mo for ten months. Thanks; don't kuosv what 1 hnld do if it wcru't for you. " Boston Tran script. His srsi'icioN. "Mabel," said her father, after Mr. Stalute had left, just iu time to catch tbe last cur, "that young mau owns stock iu tho gas compauv, does he not?" "Yes." "And he is also heavily interested in the coal trade?" "X believe so." "Well, hereafter ho must be ro miuded that his departure is due at 10 p. m. I am convinced that his devo tion to you is not disinterested. "- Washington Star. NU 1 Al'hK 1-OK ALAKU. Her Father (uppctriuj sullenly over the wall) "Ah ! youu mau ; it's you, eh? Did my daughter promise to meet you here?" Tho Young Man (scared iuto telling tho truth) "V e-e-f, bir. She prom ised to meet mo here a quarter of an hour ago; but but 1 huvcu't seeu anythiug of her." Her Father (angrily) "Thut is jiut like a women, for all tho world ! J'uey have no respect for au engagement, whutever. You just stand here, u I I'll go back to tho house aud find Lei ,' Puck. THE BEST WOP LD STILL, It's n sad old world when the -mi don't shin", But there nin't no u.c rchinin': There's a bright, swet ?nrt, wh're tho roses- twine. An' love when the sun ain't Miiuiu'. An' the winds may blow, An' the froMs may killj'l It's the best old world la the country still ! It's aeold. cold world whenthe silver's gono, But thero ain't no use bcwailin'i Tho seas run hlRh, but tho ships sail ou Au' tho snilors sins with the sailiu'. An' tho winds may blow, An' the lightin' kill; It's tho host old world In the country still ! F. L. '.Stanton, in Atlanta Constitutou. - HUMOR OF THE BAY. A minister of war Tho army chap lain. Puck. "I will take some of this mnterial but will it wear well ?" "Oh ! it is in destructible nntenruble everlasting it will wear till you pay for it !" Sometimes when you think your neighbor is enjoying himself because he annoys you, he really annoys you because he is enjoying himself. Puck. Bellcfiold "Tho Fuycs comet is said to be very faint." Bloomlleld "You would bo faint, too, if you had traveled as far. " Pittsburg Chrouiclo Telegraph. "This is a hard world," mnrmnrod the young man. "Yes," replied she; "one doesn't renlizo how hard it is till one fulls off a bicycle ouco or twice." Washington Star. "I'm wedded to art; that, alone, in my heart Is tho passage that always survive." "It's a pltv," she sighed, "but it can't ho de nied". That some husbands are bad to their wives." Washington Star. "And so yon have started iu to es tablish a magazine?" "Yes," replied Mr. Bullions. "Do you write for it?" "You bet I do. I write about seven teen pages a week for it ; in my chock book." Customer "Waiter, just look at this spoon ; it's dirty. Somebody has been drinking chocolato with it, uud it hasn't been wushod." Waiter (with emphasis) "That, Bir, is not choco late ; it's verdigris." Pick-Me-Up. Blobbs "What nonsense it is for tho newspapers, iu their nccounts of weddings, to describe the bride being led to the altar." Slobbs "How so5" Blobbs "Well, lnost girls would find their way in tho durk. " Philadelphia Record. Mr. Slopay "This bill is outrag eous. You charge for teu visits and you attended nio ouly five times dur ing my illness." Dr. Sloeum "Yes; but you forget my livo visit.? in at tempting to collect my bill." Phila delphia Record. Brown (after visiting a sick friend) "Poor fellow ! Did you uotico that he wus slightly delirious?" Jones "No; I didn't. Ho seemed to mo to be quite rational." Brown "Oh, no! Didn't yon hear him sny ho knew just how he got the cold." Puck. The Editor's Little Boy 'Top says there was a donation party up at your house last night ; what's that?" The Minister's Little Boy "Why, that's when folks come to your honso und -bring pie and cake, uud cat it all up, and then go homo again I" ruck. She "I understand Mr. Kinks is quito literary." Ho "Not that I ever heard of." Sho "Why, soma one told mo he wrote for the macra- zincs regularly." He "Of course ho does. He's our newsdealer aud sup plies the trade." Detroit Free Press. "I'm going to give up in v place at this restaurant," suid a Broadway waiter, with a look of disgust ou his face. "Why?" "Why? Why, be cause thoy insist ou my eating mush rooms beforo tho cu-tonn rs to show them they're not toadstools." Toledo Bee. "I havo half a notiou to cud my existence," said the dejected youth. "I huvo nothing on earth to live for." "Better wait a while," said tlie Cuiu aiingsville sage. "After you get to bo fow yeurs oi ler you wou't want any thing to live for. Just liviug will bo sousiderublo satisfaction. '' Cincin nati Enquirer. "Reuben," inquired Mr. Upjohn, ihurply, "if tho gate ha i been closed all night, as yon say it was, how do you suppose that pig got into tho stable yard? It could not have climbed through tho fence." "I guess it must have crept through a cr ick, bir," an swered Kculicu, the euaehi.i.ui, with dignity. Chicago Tribune. Teacher "Polly, dour, biipposo I were to shoot at u tree with live birds on it uud killed three, how many would bo left?" Polly (acl six)--"Threo, please." Teacher "N'o; two would bo left." Polly "No, there wouldn't. The three shot would bo left, uud the other two would be lliod uwuy." Philadelphia American. "How is business, Joliu?" a-ked Uuelo Allen Sparks, us tlu Chinese lauudrymau bunded him his washing, "Not volly good," ausw red tlie I'liiuu mau. "By tho way, John," mused I'uelo Allen, feeliu;; iu his pocket for the change wherewith to pay the cel estial, "what u your uaiueV" "X.iiuo Chin Chin." "Diop luuudrying and try tho uuelioueer busiuc-s, John." Chicagi Tribune. "There's no Use in trying to get away from the soleinu fact," i u I the dreuuiy-tyeii young loan, "I'ho now woman is a most practical uud uusoul fill creature." "Whit make you think bo?" "I told M:ss ll.-lelch that slirt iia 1 inspired bomo of luv bent pot ms." "What did she s-iy to that?'' "Nothing. .She w fut j to i:n pub lishers b-r a percent i ;o o' t!ij i-.-y.d-tit." Washington filar.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers