'The Forest Republican li published ovory WodncsJay, by J. E. WENK. Offlo la Smearbaagh & Co.'i Building- ELM 8THEET, TtONESTA, TA. Tcfmi, Wl.oo Por Year, tto snlwctlptloni roeolvod for a shorter period than tnroo month. Correspondence solicited from nil pnrts of tho country. No notloe will bo tnkeu of anonymous communications. rati8 or ADVEirTitmoi r On Bqnmr, on. Ineh, ens limrtfoa. .9 I On. Hquar, on. inch, era month. . . On. Kquirs, on. Inch, tor, month. . .PUBLICAN. 00 M 00 00 Two Hqn.r on. yar 1JJ Suarter Column, on. ywr.s.H lf Column, on. year. ... JO On. Column, on. year.-r.- MO VtfA kdrnrtiMtiiMiBl tea cot. pw M tech inMrtton. Lf I JHV mHm VMM.. a ii kin. f ! l lmaiiM a quarterly. T.mponurj advertlm VOL. XXVIII. NO. 10. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 28, 1895. 1.00 PER ANNUM. p. pain in uniim . Job work omah oa dellvwy. KB In bankruptcy he'll nover sink Who puts bin trust In printers' Ink Nntivowhttcs born of nntivo pnrcuts forirt fifty-two per cent. Of ouf Na tional voting strength. TLo city of Chicago is erecting nn cleolrio light jilnnt of its own, ami proposes to light itself. Florida bus a smaller valuation than most of tho Sonlberu States, being es timated nt ouly 830,938,309. Up to tho end of Wt year rhiladol lliiu new city ball had cost $15,090, IKU.G7, nud it in not quite finished Tot. Tbo trolley rcigus in l'liilatlelphia, but with not euch murderous sway, apparently, a iu Brooklyn. Tho last borne enr iu Philadelphia ban been re tired. In tho Chicago parks no ono is obliged to keep off tho grass until tho Brass is worn off tho ground. Then peoplo nre kept off till it grows back Again. Tho Now York Muil and Express ex claims: "Having bnrucssod Niagara, Vankeo ingenuity may nomo day uso the Rocky Mouutnins to fill in tbo Yo emito Valley, prejiaratory to cutting it np into building lots." A writer in tbo Popular Boienco Monthly thinks that souio children lio habitually bncauso they aro suffer ing from disorders of mind ok body, or both, "which radically iutorfero with tho transmission of conceptions and perceptions." An unusual nnirbor of agents from Webtcrn ond Southern States aro sta tioned in New York City this year for tho purports of inducing immigrants to settle in tho States which they rep resent. Even Wisconsin and Califor nia are desirous of attracting new comers. (J rent Britain shows nu annual do orcase in crime, aud prisons are being closed accordingly, but in Franco crimes of all kinds havo increased during tho last fifty years at a ratio of 130 per cent. The number of criminals from sixteen to tweuty-ono years of ago has increased by 217 per cent Singttlarly enough, muses tho Chi cago Times-Herald, tho editor of tho men's department of tho women's edition of tho St. 1'itul (Minn.) Dis patch beads her column "Tho Lords of Creation, " and there is nothing iu ber text to show a trace of irony. Tho name of this, droll new woman is Smith Mrr. F. T. S.nith. Out of ninety-five candidates, who bod secured appointments to West Foint Military Academy for the com ing your, but forty-nine succeeded in passing the mental examination, scarcely more than half; and yet, marvels the New Orleans ricayuue, thry are talking of raising tho stand ard of tho examinations for admis sion. Tho present examinations aro only in tho rudiments of education, tint require a very perfect mastery of these. The last session of tho Illinois Leg islature so amended the net concerning dependent children that every train ing school for boys is to get 10 a month from the county for every boy committed to its chnrgo, whether tho County Hoard has ayreod to it or not. As there is a profit for tho schools of $5 on every boy, tho training schools have agents out gathering in depend ent bys, and as the definition iu the net as to what constitutes a "depend ent boy" is very vague, they aro gain ing in a good crop. Tho county au thorities havo resolved to take tho' matter to the courts. Tho Supreme Couit of Louisiana Las decided that a child of tender years cannot be guilty of contributory negligence so as to bo in pnrt respon sible for any acoident or injury that it might suffer. A three-year-old child bad been injured by a street car, and a verdict bad been given against tho railway compnny iu tho lower court. Tho company oppjaled and pressod tho point, raised iu tho lowci court, that tho child was iu the way of tho car by its own negligence and there fore responsible for its own injury. Tho Supremo Court ruled that such n child could not be negligent nud thu railway company oould not bo excused for any lack of euro or watch fulnes:! ou the part of its employes on that (round. Such employes aro bouud to use extraordinary care nud watchful uesu whenever there ure incapable persons iu the vicinity of tho railway, iud if they do not tho company must suffer. This decision is good seuso as Veil M good law, THE SMOKE. Dove-winged against a tender, turquoise sky Tho while smoke flits) or through tin) lam bent air Quivers to fading vlol"t spirals fair; t)r shifts to grny( curled upward heavily. It rises In strong, twisted columns high lirom grimy fiinui'ls, flecked with iltful flare; Or through the planks of crenking bridges bare It sifts a slnuout wny to trail and die. Thestill.vast sklos aro background for its strife; Tls llko man's yonrning, mounting from rann's pain, Reeking tho t ran. nil noavens, wavoringly; Earth's ceaseless clash and clangor glvo It life; 'TIs like man's prnyors, that rise from toll and strain, Trnll, and nro lost, In God's Immensity. Hnnuah Parker Kimball, In Bcribuor. THOSE CHARMING FRIENDS. UT of a confused medley of voices 1 beard in a half-stifled whisper : "Mother, look who 'is sitting be hind you; it'sReg gio Clivo, I'm posi tive." My curiosity outran wy manners. I turned. "MiBS Ended!" I exclajmod. "It's not thrco hours since I arrived in Nice, and my circle of acquaintances being very small, to meet a friend is a pleas ant surprise. Miss Endcot blushed, prettily, if forcedly. "Now, Mr. Clive, your chaffing me. Why, mother aud 1 hnve not been hero a week, yet we have made most charming friends upon the strength of your mutual acquaintance. "Indeed I" I replied, "Aro they still at Nice?" "Oh, yes, but not nt this hotel." "Their nnmes?" "The ComteBse d'Angiero and her friend Madame Fleuvre." "The Comtesso d'Angiero !" I ro peatod. "Of oourse I met her once or twice in London soon after her ninr ringo to tho Comto. A slim woman, with fair hair, aquiline noso and laughing blue eyes. Oh, yos, I remem ber her well." Miss Endcot laughed merrily. "Fashions change, Mr. Clivo," she said, holding up one linger playfully, "and tho color of women's hair and even tho shape of women's noses are apt to change with them, aren't they, mother? Hut let mo warn you, Mr. Clivo, not to inquire after the Comto d'Angiero. He is dead. The Conitesso makes p. most charming'widow, don't she, mother?" Something in the last sentence exas perated mo. The Hriton iu me resent ed the allusion to the charms of tho widow so directly upon the announce ment of the poor Comic's dca'n, and, moreover, it contained an insinuation that within the meshes of those charms I might easily become entangled. Now, it was less than a year since Miss Iris Mnypcl ond her pseudo auntie bad so nearly ensnared mo into their marriage trap, and women of uncer tain social Btatus no longer attracted mo. I felt that Mrs. and Miss End cot, with all tho former's American isms and all tho hitter's smartness and banter were more agreeable and emi nently safer companions than Iris May pel & Co. So impressed was I with that truth that I gallantly stuck to tho Eudcots all that eveuiug for fenr of meeting tho Comtesso and being carried off by her. Tho next morning found mo in tho came mood, though how much the long tcte-a-teto I had enjoyed with Bertha Endcot overnight contributed to it I know not. Anyway, I proposed a ramble, and was not dissatisfied to hear that Mrs, Endcot contemplated sitting in the veranda with a novel. Bertha and I thereupon started for a scramble to the heights at tho back of the town. As wo left the hotel a telegram was put into my band. Now, telegrams at homo are too common even to destroy your lethar gy, but telegrams received in a Conti nental town within twenty-four hours of your arrival, of which you have ap prised nobody, aro apt to startle you. Bertha saw my surprise and began to chuff mo. I opeued tho telegram and read : "I. and A. nre at Nice. Bowaro!" I nover knew how long it took mo to recover myself and laugh st the warning I had received, but I know that Bertha Eudout and I wero well out from the town and at loast three hundred feet abovo the sea level. I apologized profusely for my ab sence of mind. "Oh, don't apologize," roplioj Bertha. "If she cannot bo with you, she should at least be entitled to oc cupy your thoughts for au hour or so." "You're wrong, Miss Bertha," I re turned. "And here's the proof." I hnudo.i her the telegram. "You're as puzzled as I was nt first," I added, noting the contraction ot her eyobrows. "Aud as it is no secret, but only a story against myself, I will oxpluiu it." I thought I board a sigh of relief us bhe returned tho telegram. "This must come from my old friend Bob Valiant,"! continued, "since no body but ho ut least, nobody iu Lou den knows my probable w hereabouts. I have been wandering now for six months nud all ou uocouut of the 1. uud A. ho mentions." Bertha nodded, but did not inter rupt. "The I. stands for Iris Miss Iris Maypel uud A. for Auutio. It hap pened a year ago. Bob l'nlluut nud I were both iu lovo with Iris, who was iu London ostensibly for the benefit of the soasou aud n charge ol lier aunt, Wull, she gave the preference to Bob, who, after actually proposing to her applied to a private detective agency, asking as to nor character and tho social position of her peoplo. He got tho character, as rosy a one as could be painted) and it wad settled that ho shotild ftsk her td marry him. It happened that I Colled by invita tion nt tho flat occupied by Iris and her chapcrone, and was shown into tho conservatory by the servont. Then camo tho denouement. Iris, in ignor ance of my presence, camo into the conservatory with her chapcrone and in n loud voice let me into their secrets, which may bo summed up in a few words. Iris was an adventuress in search of s husband. The chnpor ono was no relation, but employed paid by Iris to introduce her to so ciety and a likely husband. The de tective to whom Bob hod applied for the character was Iris's cousin, Nor ton ScrubbB ; hence the roeiness of the character." "And theso two women are in this town 1" exclaimed Bertha. "Bob Pallant's information is usu ally correct, and I'm not disposed to doubt it. You see, he was bo savage at having been done by those people that he vowed vengeance, and as he couldn't attack the woman he swore ho would be the undoing of that de tective agent Norton Scrubbs. And Bob Pallantis generally equal to his word." "Suppose you meet those people here?" "I shall cut them, of course." "But, but you admitted that that you lovod Iris once I" My heart gave a great leap of de light. Bertha's words, the suppressed eagerness of her tone, the faltering in hex sentence, all pointed to one end. Ono long teto-n-tete of the previous evening, though it had been chiefly concerned about bygone incidents the sort which grow dearer as they grow older had loft its mark, I glanced quickly in her direction, but her face was averted, and only a very flushod neck and a very red little ear wero visible. They wore enough. "Miss Bertha," I repliod, impres sively, "some people grow both old nud wise all of a leap. I'm one of them. Tho love of a foolish boy is how far below the loved of that of a sensible man? What relation does tho love-sickness of youth bear to the heart-ache of manhood? And even assuming that I had never been duped to tho extent that Iris Maypel duped me, even assuming " I don't know how long I should have talked or Bertha would have listened had the not interrnpted mo. "Look I" sho said. "Here come the Comtesse d'Angiero and Madame Fleuvre. How jolly ! won't thoy be surprised to see you 1 oh, it is fun. I'm bo glad we camo this way." I looked in tho direction indicated and sow I could scarcely beliovel saw aright then, but now, when I recall the scene tho long, wooded avenue with its pinky-blossomed rose hedges, the waving pnluis, tho bushy eucalyptus, tho clumps of odorous orange trees with their pretty white blooms inter sprinkled with golden fruit it is dif ficult to realize now that tho prim lit tle flsnre in widowod garb of l'arisian daintiness quickly approaching us was Iris Maypel, and the elderly com panion was "Auntie" of London fame. But they were. I had no time to plan an action, jno sooner was I assured that my eyes wero st ill iu normal condition than wo met and Bertha was saying in au ecstatic tone "Mr dear Comtoss, seo who 1 have brought you!" Tho Comtesse extended uor nnnil, while the most dubious smile 1 ever beheld grow on her face. I obeyod my impulse. "This is not nn unexpected pleas ure," I said, politely, "eituce Miss Jieriua lias lutnuuieu jruurpiceuuuu iu Nice, Madame la Comtesse. " I pur posely emphasized the titla. "Never theless, it is a pleasure to' renew an acquaintance hero so pleasantly ma tured in London. JM. lo l-ointe, l trust, is well and" , It was said with intent.; Having started with a lie I meant Mact it out. I broke off suddenly, for two reasons. Bertha tugged vigorously at my coat sleeve, aud Iris alias the Comtesse, burst into a most realistio fit of 'weep- iug. I expeot the excitement of the moment aided her. I apologized in tones so contrite that I startled myself with my , ap parent sincerity, and Iris and her chapcrone bade us adieu. As wo returned-1 listeuod for Ber tha's merited rebake for having for gotten her warningiuent the Cointe's death, but I listened in vain. In fnct, so engrossed was sho) in thought that it was only when I bud thrico asked a question that sho reptoed. "To what stage of intimacy have you and tho Comtesso reached?" I asked for tho third time. "Why do you ask?" Bertha re pliod evasively. "Because 1 am more than anxious to know." "Mother and I mother at Mouaoo." "Yes?" I roplied eucotiragingly. "I ought not to tull you anything more." "OU, then there is something more '-to!l? Did you-visit the Casino ut Monte Carlo?" "Once." "You resisted tho temptation of a second visit?" "We obeyed instructions. Seo here, Mr. Clive, this is iu ouuiidouoo. Father, as you kuow, was uuable to aecoiupuuy us this trip, but ho gave us carto blanche to go whither we liked and to stay where we ! ' "1--witli one proviso. He declared n we went fooliug around th 3 gaming tables at Monto Carlo ho would never loso sight of us a;;aiu. Sj it was on con ditiou that wo paid but ono visit to tho Casino that wo were allowed this European t-i," "It was a fortunate provision per' hops, for yonr mother appears td have imbibod tho infatuation for 'mothods' and 'systems.' " "Yes, that is tho Comtesso d'An glere's doing." "The Comtesso gambles?" "With thd most consistent good luck. Sho taken mother's money and ploys with it. There, 1 oughtn't to hnvo lot on about thotj bnt 1 know you'll not give me away, Mr. Clivc You see, the Comtesse bogged mother to trust her with a pound just to try her luck for the Comtesse goes to tho tables every day and she won. Then mother trnstod her with two pounds, then five, ten and twenty, al ways winning. Now " "Please go on," I said, as Bertha paused. "There can bo no harm in telling yon the rest, Mr. Ciive, Mother has raised every possible penny pawned her jewels even and to-morrow tho Comtesse is going to play with the lot. There, don't look as if I were toblamo. I've argued and protested, but wbere's the use? The Comtesso wins every time." She had; but would she win this time? The stake was high. Would she play with it? That was tho ques tion. Was the whole thing a scheme a common confldenoe trick to get hold of the American dollars and bolt with them? It goes against the grain to expose a woman, however deserving she may be. I concluded to give Iris a chance, and wroto a short letter stating that I would keep her identity a secret if she would return Mrs. Endcot her money and leave Nice early the next morning. Omitting either condition, I declared I would hold her up to rid icule and scorn. I left tho note with the porter at the hotel where Iris was staying, and then walked away to ponder alone upon fate, coincidences and tho like. I found a solitary Beat upon a stone boulder, with ouly tho'drcarincss of some attempted excavations, which had ended in a fniluro, to greet my eyes or impinge upon my thoughts. 1 sut there and smoked, and mental ly surveyed my entire world, from London to Nice, from Bob Pallant to Norton Scrubbs, lroin Iris to Bertha. Suddenly, without warning, a figure stood beside me and said, inquiringly ; "Reggie Clive!" The silence of his approach and the aggressiveness of his bearing Btartled me. However, I admitted my name. "Y'ou wrote a letter to-day to a friend of mine, the Comtesse d'An giere," continued the man. "You are mistaken," 1 replied. "Mere cavilling !" he said, with a sneer. "You wrote, then, to Miss Iris Maypel." "If that is more truly her name, yes." "You threatened her." I stood up. The man's blunt nesa of speech and scowling brow looked ominous. "Call it that, if you will," I repliod. "I tried to do her a good turn, and to save her from herself." "Bah! Mere quibbling 1 You threatened to expose her if she failed to return certain money to that bumptious old American woman or to leave Nice in tho morniuj. Isn't that a threat?" "Call it so if you like," I returned. "Coward!" ho yelled. "Thank you," I said. "If yon will give me your card I shall kuow better to whom I am indented to that pseu donym." "Hound!" he said. "If you want to know, my name's Norton Scrubbs, whieb, until your villainous friend, PalhiLt whom I'll be on level terms with yet ruined it, was a nourishing name in London. Ah I you shrink, do you? Here's somethiug that'll make you shrink into a still narrower com pass." Ho pulled a revolver from his poo ket, and cocked it. I showed as bold a face as I could mnster. "Don't forget that you'll havo to answer for this," I said. His hoarse laugh echoed all around, and intensified the utter desolation of tho place. "Answer!" ho Boi.1. "To whom shall I answer?" To theso stones? To the night? Towhom.lrepoot? There's not a soul within ear shot, and not likely to bo this sido of morning." I realized tho truth of his bluster. Tho day had died suddenly, aud tho mists wero growing uncomfortably I dense. "Couio!" continued Scrubbs, "we'll strike a bargain, you aud I. Swear and mind you 6tick to it thut you will leave Nice to-night and not return or communicato with auy ono in this town for threo months from this moment! The alternative is " He explaiued the unfinished sen tence with an emphasized movement of the pistol. I am not a brave man, yet I am not au abject coward. I had u decided objection ut that moment to be hurled into eternity aud leave Bertha behind. In the few available seconds allowed mo fur consideration twenty methods of attack and defeuso presented them selvos and were rejected. Then, ull at once, my miuclcs acted involuntarily. I sprang ut my opponent und gripped him somewhere iu tho region of tho throat. The uttuek was sheer folly. He was twice my weight, possessed twice my strength, und learned iu every nrt uud trick connected with tho free-light aud tho knock-down blow. I thought ou my foolishness us 1 lay prone upon tho dirt uud blinked up timorously ut Scrubbs's) revolver, which looked right down my throutos I gasped for breath. "Now, you hound I" ho said, "will you come to terms now or will you take a doso of lead?" The reply startled me quite us much as did Scrubbd. It was the pop of a pistol, tho whirr of u thol a ip I ihy try ot n wotm It I mon M Bcrnbbs fell forward right across my legs', I disengaged mysolf aud sprang to my feet just as Bertho Endcot sprang from behind rt pile of loose stones and stood before me. "I winged him, didn't I ?" she asked, breathlessly. "The coward ! Perhaps tho next time he dubs my mother a bumptious old woman he'll remomber that an American girl can shoot." Bertha had put a bullet into his leg, and the shot cost her mother a few thousand pounds, for Iris and her chaperone had left Nice with Mrs. Endcot's money before wa managed to get the wounded man back to his hotel. Soon after Bertha consented to bo mine. Illustrated Bits. SCIENTIFIC A5I) INDUSTRIAL. In Budapest, Hungary, they have put the trolley wires underground. It is proposed to do away with tho smoke nuisance iu Pittsburg, Penn.. by erecting a mammoth electrio plant outside the oity. California diamonds nro found in all the colors, from a brilliant white to a clear black, together with rose, pink, yellow, blue aud green. A chemist advises that canned fruit be opened an hour or two before it is used. It becomes richer after the ox ygen of the air has been retored to it. A fire was recently started- in a Bos ton store by allowing an incandescent lamp to remain for a few minntes on a pile of cotton cloth in the packing room. Beautiful specimens of the anchor ite, or tourmaline, have been found iu Maine and elsewhere in New England. This gem is said also to have been found in North Carolina. A uso for compressed air in tho foundry in addition to cranes and hoists, which are being introduced everywhere, is in providing a sand blast for the cleaning of costings. A railroad train was recently stopped near Rheiras, Frauce, by tho number of caterpillars that fell on tho railway. The rails grow too pasty and slippery for the wheels to adhere until cinders were thrown on them. TheGerinan Government has offered a prize of 8750 for n system by which "the indications of the compass-cord of a ship's compass shall be automatic ally transmitted to another location in the ship in such a manner that the ship may be steered." Tho recent alarming mortality among the French soldiers in tho gar rison at Vitro, which was first ascribed to the use of damaged canned fruit from the United States, turned out to be tetanus or oerebro-spiual fever re sulting from overcrowding. Professor Max Mnller asks for money to photograph the inscriptions of the Kutho Daw, iu Bnruiah, a col lection of over seven hundred temples, each containing a white marble slab on which part of tho Tripitaka, tho great Buddhist Bible, is engraved. A nautical bicyle has been invented by a Spaniard. The machine is com posed of two cases of steel, which servo as flouts and nre connected by cross bars. Iu the ppaeu between tho two, and near the stern, is a padJlo-wheel operated by ped ill something like a bicycle. The speed is about six miles un hour. An "Easy Thins"' for TIi's. Solomon. The Police Department mav be a little shy wheu it comes to trailing lost goats, but when pigeons nre in volved there is a member of the forco who possesses all the Bhrowd attributes of Solomon of oi l. It is like this! On Friday AdolpU Greuboldt, No. 1417 California avenue, owned jsiuj worth of "homer" pigeons, nud tho nrxt morning they were not. OlUcerj, Wieueka aud lleanev. of the Attrill street stntiou, were placed ou tho trail. It lead yester lay tirst to a Chi nese laundry, aud then to the resi dence of Stephen Spitza, where tho birds were found. Mr. Spitza was positive the birds wore his. So was Ureuboldt. "This is tho easiest thiug I havo struck for a long time," said Officer Heauey. Then he opened the coop, turned tho pigeons loose, watched them cir cle ouco in thu air, aud then start oil'. "Now," said this later-day Solomon, turning to Sir. Greuboldt, "if those birds aro yours, they will be home be fore you are." Aud they wer. One of tho stolen birds has tho 750-mile record from a point iu Mississippi to Chicago, win ning the first prize last year. In all fourteen of the stolon birds have been recovered. Chicago Tribuuo. A Survivor ot Waterloo. Buillot, the oldost of tho three French mrvivors of tho battle of Waterloo, lives nt Curisey, iu tho De partment of the Youne, where he was born in 17'J3. Excepting his deaf ness, ho is still in as good health us ever, aud is full of auecdotos of the campaigning days iu Germnuy. He was struck with tho sabre of an Eng lish dragoon nt Waterloo, but it failed to cut through his th iko, which was bluffed with brushes, piuies of bread uud lauuy other articles. New York Sun. II (iot the Jury. Justice Yuughau Williams telU muuy a good story, but thu following is one of bis best irom thu bench. A couusel for thu defense ouly put one question to all the witnesses called for the other side, uud it was: "Have you uu umbrella?'' iuvuriably the auswei was "Yes." Even tho policeman bad uu umbrella. The couusel then said: "This is very suspicious ; every wit ness has uu umbrella;" uud tho jury acquitted thu prisoner without look iu'i round, Household Words, THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE. STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BT THE FUHKT MEN OF THE PRESS. Just the Thing What They U-t De tected a Derisive Tone II Wouldn't Promise, lite. Etc. When I proposed she did not blush, And not ono word she sold; Tho mnidvn did not tnll mo yes Bhe simply shook her Load. Bho simply shook her head, and yot No man in all the town Could be more pleased than I was, for Bhe shook It up and down. 4 -Llfo. DETECTED A DERISIVE TONE. Friend (reading) "So this is ono of your jokes, is it? Ha, ha, ha!" Humorist (testily) "Well, what are yon laughing at? Ain't it a good one?" Truth. HEB FIRST THOUGHT. Doctor "Madam, I much regret to say that your husband has appen dicitis." Wife "Now I know where all my raisins have gone." Truth. WHAT THEY GET. Teacher "If sixty men work sixty days at sixty cents a day, what do'they got?" ., Boy "Get mad 'nough to strike, I guess." Now York Weekly. he wovtldn't promise. ghe "Can you keep a secret?" Ho "Well, it dopends a 'good deal on how rough tho weather's going to bo. It's hard to tell what a fellow can keep on board ship." Truth. GETTING TIIERE. "Yon think Colonel Wigloy is likely to succeed as a politician?" "3ucceed? Why, mau, he's already got to the point where they're burn ing him in effigy." Rockland Tri bune. ON THE 8AFB SIDE. Tudate "You ought to get your new building insured, right away." Mudanbrioks "It is fireproof.' Tudate "Yes, I know ; the company I represent insures it against falling down." Truth. A REMEDY. Mistress "I don't know what I'll do. Tho cat is always jumping on the sofa and I can't keep ber off." liridgot "Smear painton it, ma ani. All cats does hate the shmell av paint." Philadelphia Record. WORTH IT. Bingo (sternly) "Bobbie, Mrs. Slimson next door says you tied a can non cracker to her dog's tail this morn ing and he hasn't been seen emoe. Now, sir, I'd like to know what you gain by such conduct?" Bobbie "I gained a dollar bill from her husband." Life. XRUE TO HIS WORD. Jack Ford "When I let Frank Fer ris have that five dollars, he said ho couldn't pay me for a week or ten days." Tom De Witt "And how long ago was that ?" , Jack rord "About three months. Tom De Witt "Well, Frank may be hard up, but ot all events he's no liar." Puck. IN CASE OF EMERGENCY. 'There, thank goodness, my Btoomer dress is finished," said Mrs. Cassa wary. "What, that thing? Those sleeves will be frightfully unoomfortable. They are as big as those on a ball "I know ; and if the" steamer sinks they'll keep me afloat. "Harper's Bazar. JCSr TAKING A FLYER. The lost word had been said, con gratulations spoken, and the Chioago wedding guests were flown. Down in the refreshment room the bridegroom Count was drinking healths to him self. " Well,"jSid the father of.the Count, "tho thina appears to be handsomely consummated." "Oh, toler'blo," assented the father of the heiress bride. The father of tho Count flushod haughtily. "You do not appear to be impressed with the dignity of the occasion," he caid, "the grandeur of the Old World family with whioh your daughter has effected this alliance." Mr. Hugmlet shook his head. "You see," ho said, knocking his cigar ashes on the carpet, "I've been iu those eomcthing-for-nothing duals bofore." llookland Tribune. A ritECIOL'3 RECOLLECTION. A stranger who was walking through Jackson Park tho other day and not ing the changos that time and tho South Park Commissioners are gradu ally making in that historio locality was observed to stop under one of the trees, glanoo at the jWooded Island, squint nt the statue of tho Ropubho in the distanco, and carefully examine tho tree itself. Then he slowly nodded his head sev eral times, emitted a sigh, and softly uuid to a byttander : "I shall always look upon this spot whore I am tttundiug now us the dear est spot on earth." "It was hore, perhaps," ventured the other, "that you met the young lady to whom to whom you were af torward or ", "It was hore," said tho stranger, dreamily, "thut I paid $4.73 for a bowl of cold soup, a piece of asbestos beefsteak, a blab of baker's bread aud four swallows of potl'oo. "Chicago j TriLmno, .AdfcS AFTER SUNSET. Pink clouds ou palest green Are drifted more nnd more, " J.ike rose leaves from tow garden On n clear emerald flooi. O! is It that through the gnto Kluug open for nn hour I see the living rose gnnleu. Its trellis nil iu flowery Or is it that these are folk. Good heavenly folk thut gf In green shoon nnd rosy elualt And hair of gold o-blow' O. dancing feet of rose ! ' O, robe blown back n space! L'enr angel, ore the good time goes, tfhow me your face ! Katlmrinu Tyuiuu HUMOR OF THE BAY. Don't ndvertiso in the sumincr of you might get overheated waiting on customers. Printer's Ink. "There arc Imcilll in n kiss! ' Exclaims the sage, suspiclrrus; 13ut microbes in a case like this Are really delicious. --Detroit Free Press. "When you go out to carve out your fortune, my son," said the fond father, "don't chisel it from othor people." He "Why is it women talk more than they thiuk?" She "I presumo it is because men don't care what wo men think." Detroit Frco Tress. Chorlio "What makes tho old oat howl so?" Walter "I guoss you'd' make a noise if you was full of fiddle strings inside." New York Herald. The poets crown of sorrows Is remembering happier things: And his solace, when hi' borrows Hiuall amounts on what he sings. Detroit Free Press. It is a Chicago newspaper that sug gests that Cuba ought totako a census while the thousands of Spanish troops are quartered ou her. Providence News. Philadelphia may bo slow and poky, bnt it has retired its last horse cor from the publio streets, nud that is moro than Chicago has done. Kansas City Journal. Wickwire "Doesn't vour wife be long to the W. C. T. U. ?" N. Peek "If yon mean the Women's Continu ous Talking Association, Bhe surely is one of 'em." Detroit Free Press. He's twenty-one, and holds lu scorn This vile terrestrial ball: But in two short deendes Iroui now IIl-'II want to own it all. IudianoK)lis JouruuL However we may laud the wise. And thiuk that their flonditiuU s l"."3t, - Wo must admit, If we are wise. The tguoraut are the happiest. Detroit i'ree Pre.-. "Do you get paid for the jokes you write, Groauer?" "Of course I You don't suppose I write them for fun, do you?" "Well, no. I nover saw any thing in them that would make mo think so." Mother (arranging for tho summer) "I want the girls to go to soino place where the nicest men are, of oourse." Father "Then, my dear, yon hod hotter let them Btoy in town." Detroit Free Press. Mrs. Chophash (who keeps summer bourders) "Mr. Galldip, you seem to know everything. Can you tell us what makes tho Tower of Pisa lean?" Gulldip "Been living in a country boarding house, I shouldn't wonder." It was in an ubseut-miudod sort of wuy that sho read tho sign "loo cream." "Oh, nh ; ice creum," said he. "Did you ever read that there wero deadly ptomaines in ico cream?" "Yes," she said, a little spitefully. "Did you ever read of tho microbes iu kissing?" On reflection ho concluded to compromise ou a basis of present cream and future kii-.es. --Iudiuuupolia Journal. Xew Devi CO lor I'uteliliij F.'s'i. Among tho triumphs of iuveutivo genus is a new lish-trup that prom ises to simplify tho operation of fish ing aud permit the augler to capture his prey by a clever artifice. A small mirror is suspended by a swivel nud chain, aud before it haugi a squirm ing, wriggling bait. Tho fish gets his cyo ou this, uud with u greed charac teristic of other creatures besides fishes, thinks ho will catch the bait be fore the other fish that he sees iu tho tho mirror coiuiug directly toward it can get theru, therefore he makes a snap for the bait and swallows it, hook aud ull, ut tho sumo time bump iug himself bhorply against the sur fuco of tho miiror, till of which oper ation is supposed to fecililatu the se cure hooking of the deluded fish. A similar trap is used iu lu.lia for catch ing tigers. Thu savage be-ist sees an other tiger, us ho supposes, mukiii.c for tho bait, and immediately hurries to secure it, forgetting iu his histc his usual caution nud desire to inves tigate. New York Ledger. Have the ( ions KcIoimiciI J Several farmer of Bergeu ('utility. New Jersey, report that ulthough tho crows last your wero very persistent in corn ptilliug ull through the spring, tveu attacking early sweet corn its soon us tho eurs were l ire enough for tho table, they have scarcely vis ited a corn field this season, and theru havo been no complaints of their dep redutious, ulthough seen Hying about and frequenting their ancient rooker ies iu tho wood. What could liuvo caused this sudden change iu tho moral conduct of tbccruu is piizzliujj tho farmers, uud their ouly fear is thut thu uppureut reform may not bo uny more lasting thau that among cer tain wingless bipeds, who sometimes luuko a special effort to be exceeding ly good iu order to uute the effect ou their accusers. If the crows iu other parts of New Jersey or elsewhere have shown an iuuliuutiou to reform we hopo it v. ill bo duly reported and re corded, New York Sun,
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers