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T0L.IYIII. NO. 13.
TIONESTA. PA., WEDNESDAY, JULY 15, 1885.
$1,50 PER ANNUM.
FflOM AFAR. '
High on abolish a mocking-bird outpour ;
Ecstatic melodies In li'jiiid trills,
Now soft and low, now with a note that
thrill,
Bislng and falling ax a lnrlc that soars,
Yet and aa surges beating on fur shore,
Bight sndden'd by hi mimic, I send forth,
Oh, friend, my heart's lovo for you to tho
North.
Pet wwii us distance lios; but faith assure
Each thought 1 give you is return'd by
yourg,
Rich with your lovo for him who presa'd
your brow
To ease its.throbbing. Oh, what matter
now
Binco this remains, and inom'ry still adores
Our old life in the past the close-bnrr'd
gates?
Now is not the forever, and the future waits!
Chas. IV. Coleman, Jr., in Harper.
MEAN II ET.
Away tip among tho Boston mountains,
it A .1- - ... i
niniiijnuw iiuilf n tiuttiu BU lUpill
that it seonicd a torrent of hurry and worry
there stands an old stone house. Hero
and thcro, high up among sudden coves
and down below in little valleys, luxur
iant crops of grain and grasses grow.
The place is owned by old Nathan Bill
ingsly, a man whoso reputation for piety
sjiicad far beyond tho boundary lines of
tho county. "Mrs. Billingsly was pale
and pious. She worked so hard in sum
mer, cooking for tho hired men, thatsho
barely had tho strength in winter to en
ter the revival work of the circuit and do
herself justice. To this devoted old
couple only one child had been born, a
girl who hiul grown up to bo anything
lut a joy to her parents. They had been
married many years when the child was
born, and the old man, in an ecstasy of
delight, declared that the little thing was a
sunbeam that had fallen on to tho shady
!do of his life. Years failed to verify this
hopeful assertion. The gill, known all
over the neighborhood as '. lean 1 let, was,
to her parents, a constant causo of vexa
tion, and sometimes sho was tho cause of
humiliation. Sho was small and of ex
ceeding llcctncss of foot. Her face was
of that peculiar paleness which no excr
r.iso tends to redden. Her eyes were as
dark as the interior of a cave.
" lleltio," suid Sirs. Billingsly ono
evening, " whero havo you been all day?"
She took a small fish from her pocket,
threw it on the table, pointed to it acid
said:
" Worked all day for that little perch.
Lost all tny bait, and had to eaten this
young sinner with a cricket."
" You ought to bo ashamed of your
self." 'Iom. Anybody that couldn't do
better than this," again pointing at tho
fish, "ought to feel ashamed. Got any
thing to eat, handy? I am hungry as a
wolf!"
"Ah, child," sighed Mrs. Billingsly.ss
she turnod to tho ' cubbard" to take
down the dishes containing tho dinner
which had been kept for tho girl, ' I
don't know what is to become of you.
Hcttie, do you know that you are sixteen
yoars old to-day?"
"This curly mustard makes splendid
greens, don't it?"
" Did you hear what I said to you?"
"Yessum. I never would know how
old I am unless you were to tell mc.
Sixteen years old sixteen. Why, I don't
feel old, mother, and niter all 1 am not
as old as you are."
"Hcttie, don't be so foolish."
"Why, mother, is it foolish to tell the
truth? If I were to say that I am as old
as you are it would be foolish, and at the
same time it would bo untrue."
"Hush, child. Hereeomcs your father.
He Is mad."
The old man entered the room.
"Hot, where have you been?"
"Fishing."
"I'll fish you."
He walked out toward an apple tree.
The girl dropped her knife and fork.
"Mother, he's going to whip me. Don't
let him. I know I'm mean, but it hurts
so when I'm whipped. I'leaso don't let
hi in whip me,"
Tho old .Wan. stripping the loaves
from an applo treo sprout, walked in with
a deliberation which showed his strength
of purpose.
'I've foolod with you as long as I am
goin' to, you good-for-nothiu thinjr,
I'll"
"Hello!" some ono called at the gate.
The old man dropped the switch and
went out. Mrs. Billingsly and the girl,
seeing that the old man was conducting
someone toward tho house, went into
the sitting room, whero they were pre
sented to young Mr. Wilkins. the newly
appointed circuit rider. The young
man, during a course of theological
study, had grown pale, but his faco col
ored when llettie, with mischievous
frankness, extended her hand.
"I Bin under many obligations to you,"
said llettie, still holding tho hand of the
blushing preacher.
The old man glared at the girl. The
old lady violently cleared her throat.
"Obligations to me? Why, Miss Bil
lingsly, I do not understand you."
"Yes, I am. Father was just about to
larrup me with an apple tree sprout when
you came."
"Leave this room," demanded the old
man. "(Jo on, I tell you. That switch
is still hundy, and you shall feel it yet."
The girl left the room. The aston
ished Mr. Wilkins sat down, and recov
ering somewhat from his embarrassment,
said:
"Brother Billingsly, how is tho- con
dition of the church in this neighbor
hood?" "Pretty fair."
"At tho last mectin'," remarked tne
old lady, "wo hud three of as bright
conversions a I ever saw. There 1ms
been a Iittlo backslidin1 lately, caused by
bran dances an' tho like, but w ith the
right sort of work the church, can be put
in ilrst rate condition. This is your first
charge, ain't it?"
"Yes, I have Just como from college.
Although I have never been actively en-
fnged in tho vineyard, vet I belivo that
can do good work. I have "
Tho minister uttered an exclamation
and rnn out into tho yard. His horso
was galloping away. A giggling girl
drew back behind a corner of the house.
Sho had unhitched tho horse. Tho
preacher by climbing fences and crossing
rugged places, succeeded in catching tho
horse, but at least two hours were spent
in tho perplexing exercise.
"How is this.'Brother Uillingsly?"
"What, Brother Wilkins?"
"Why I tied my horse securely, but
you sec ho has tho bridla over his head.
This is certainly strange. Won't you.
ride to tho house, Brother Billingsly?"
"Oh, no, I am used to walking."
"Well, I will ride."
Ho mounted the horse. Tho animal
lunged forward, kicked up and threw
the young man.
Mr. Billingsly caught tho horso. Mr.
Wilkins said that thcro was surely some
mistake. "Why, sir, ho never acted
this way before."
Tho old man adjusted tho saddle. A
fragment of flint rock fellonthoground
Tlic old man shook his head and sighed
deeply.
"What is tho matter, Brother Bil
lingsly?" "I was thinking of the sinfulness thcro
is in this world."
"Yes, the world is full of sin; but it
is our duty to radicato it."
"Well, lot us goto tho house."
When tho preacher had gono to,bcd,
Mr. Billingsly having socured tho applo
tree sprout, called his daughter.
"Father, plcnso don't whip mo. I
won't do it any more."
"Do what?"
"Do anything. I'll bo good, I de
claro I will. 1 won't go lishing any
more unless you tell me to go."
"What made you put that rock under
tho saddlo and turn the horno loose,
hah?"
"I don't know, but if you won't whip
me, I will never do it any more."
"I heard you talk that way before.
Como hero to mo 1"
Just as ho raised tho switch, tho
preacher calling from the head of the
stairs, said:
"Oh, Brother Billingsly 1"
"Yes."
"Step here a minute, please."
The old mau went up. The preacher
said: "You must really excuse mo for
going to bod without having held pray
ers. I am very young in the causo, you
know, and really forgot it. Is it "too
late?"
"No; wo might pray a little."
The preacher put on his clothes, came
down 'stars and summoned the family.
Mean llettie joined the circle of devo
tion. When tho services were over, the
preacher, tho old man and the old lady
engaged in a long conversation. Tho
prayer had aroused them and they
talked until a late hour. In tho mean
time the girl slipped away and went to
bed.
The next day was Sunday. Mr. Wil
kins had an appointment to preach in a
Iittlo church situated a short distance
from Billingsly farm. -
"When the timo arrived, Wilkins
asked tho girl if he might accompany
bcr. Sho laughed uproariously.
You aro the first person that ever
wanted to go with mo anywhere," sho
said.
"It does not, however, give you cause
to refuse."
"Oh, I'm not going to refuse. Tho
girls and 1 hato nearly all of them
think it is awful smart to catch a new
preacher."
"I hopo that this alone does not in
fluence you to accompany me."
"No."
"You have a nobler rnotivo."
"Yes, I want to see how foolish it will
make father look."
"You ought not talk that way."
"Why, , lon't you like to hear tho
truth?" "
"Oh, yes, but no ono should entertain
such truths. They aro pernicious. A
truth can bo quite as bad as a lie."
"Well, I have another reason."
"I am glad to hear it."
"It is a better reason than the other
one."
"What is it?"
"I want to see how curious it will make
mother look." ,
"Miss Billingsly, you are provo
king." "So are vou. They are ready. Come
on."
Mr. Billingsly and his wife wero sur
prised to see the preacher walking with
their daughter, for, having listened to
neighbors who are never complimentary,
they thought' that Hattio wus tho worst
child in tho world.
Tho young preacher was a success. At
first ho was embarrassed, but receiving,
from the kindly faces around him, an in
spiration of confldcncc, he threw oil nil
restraint and thrilled tho congregation.
"How did you like my sermon?" he
asked of llettie us they were walking
along the road.
"It did first rate for a beginner."
The preacher wus disappointed. Of
all tho peoplo in tho house, he desired
m ost to impress the girl. Perceiving his
disappointment, aud suffering a slight
sting of remorse, sho added:
"It wag the best sermon I ever heard.
The heathen was touched."
lie looked earnestly at her. She
laughed so loud that Billingsly and his
wife, who were walking some distance
in advance, looked back at her.
" You do not call yourself a heathen,
do you? "
"Yes."
"You have no causo to cull yoursolf a
heathen. Are not your parents good
Christiaus?"
"Yes, but I am a heathen. Wonder
what would become of me if I were to
dio. Oh, I know. I would be buried."
"Miss Billingsly, you should not talk
so.'
"Do you know why I am so bad? "
"I do not know that you aro so bad."
"I am though."
"Then, why aro you? "
"Because, ever since I can remember,
everybody has told me how bad I am. I
must, havo been a repulsive child, for I
canniot remember that a visitor to our
houje ever took mo up and carressed
mo. Nothing could make mo bitter, so
I j'dst became bud. I have made many
atcnipts to bchavo myself, but the first
thing I know, something would come
np to turn me back. I know tht I am
almost a woman but we have talked
enough about it. I hove already talked
more freely to you than I have ever
talked to anyone else."
Wilkins boarded with Billingsly. The
preacher tried in vain to engage the girl
in another serious conversation. She did
not avoid him, but when he attempted
to draw from her a serious expression,
sho would make perplexing replies.
A great revival was organized nt tho
little church. Ilettio would not walk with
tho preacher, and, in fact, sho would
not have attended the meeting had not
ker father compelled her to do so. One
evening, just before church time, tho
old gentleman called Hcttie. He re
ceived no answer. Tho old fellow
raved. He searched tho premises, but
could not find her. The preacher was
grieved ond Mrs. Billingsly was humili
ated. Thay went to church without
tho girl. When they had gone, Hcttie
came out from her hiding place. Her
eyes wero red, and her cheeks were tear
stained. She attempted to read, but
threw down the book. Sho tried to
laugh but burst into tears. The clock struck
nine. Brushing back her hair, she stood
for a moment as though she were deeply
thinking, then, throwing a light shawl
around her shoulders, sho rushed from
tho houso.
The preacher had begun to call for
mourners; the brothers and sisters had
begun to sing an old hymn, when llettie
entered the church. Without looking up
she walked quickly to the mourners'
bench and knelt down. The people were
astonished. When the services were
closed, the preacher looked for Hettio,
but she had disappeared. He did not
see her at the breakfast table the next
morning. In apology, Mrs. Billingsly
said that her daughter was not well. She
did not come down to dinner, neither
did she make her appearance at, tho sup
per table. The old man was much
softened toward the girl, and before
going to church he went up and kissed
her. It was such a surprise, it moved
her so dooply that she sobbed aloud.
tThat night when the preacher called
for mourners, llettie suddenly appeared
She looked at no ono but with a low cry,
she sank upon the bench. People who
had never had a kind word to say of the
girl, gathered around her and whispered
consoling words in her ears. Everyone
seemed to be glad that Mean Het was
unable to longer tight against tho spirit.
The girl was so earnest that tho meet
ing was prolonged. Just as an old ex
horter aroso to say that the services
would be brought to a close, llettie
sprang to her feet, uttered a cry of joy
and seized her mother. It was now
useless to attempt a dismissal of the
meeting. The little church had never
known a season of such shouting. Old
man Billingsly lifted his lusty voice and
his wife in a transport of happiness,
siuging in a voice of tremulous joy, time
and again declared that the Lord had is
sued a special decree in her favor.
Tho preacher was happy. He had
been the means of accomplishing a work
which every one had thought to be im
possible. Ho was ardently sincere; he
believed that a soul had been saved.
llettie no longer avoided him. Her
face had undergone an entire change.
Her smilo was radiant. ' One evening,
shortly nftcr her conversion, sho and tho
preacher sat on a large rock.
"llettie, you do not know how bright
your face has grown."
"And you, Mr. Wilkins, do not know
how light my heart has grown. I look
with pity upon my former self. I can
now realizo the truth of what you have
told me."
"llettie, you have been more to me
than I have to you, yes, much more. I
taught you duty: you taught me love.
Oh, girl, I love you, I love you."
She did not reply, but she put her arms
around his neck.
This occurred several years ago. Mrs.
Ilettio Welkins, wife of tho presiding
elder, is one of tho most modest and
pious women in Arkausaw. She often
tells her husband that lie more than once
saved her that his "hello" was almost
as saving as his earnest voice of admoni
tion. Arhun&aio Traveler.
Mortality hi War Times.
From official records of tho war de
partment based on the losses given and
the total number of nieu furnished by
the States and Territories during tho wai
it appears that:
Out of every sixty-five men one man
was killod in action.
Out of every fifty-six men one man
died of wounds received in action.
Out of every thirteen men oue man
died of disease.
Out of every nine men one man died
while in service.
Out of every fifteen men one man was
captured or reported missing.
Out of every ten men one man was
wounded in action.
Out of every seven men captured one
died while in captivity.
A Uritish officer sava that such a tkinw
as a good looking Arab woman does not
exist.
LEAPING INTO THENIAGARA
AIT IWCIDEJTT RECALLED ET
LTJMS FATAL EXPLOIT.
OD.
A Swede's Wonderful Jnrap from a
Illlfh Niiatnalon Hridsre Into the
t urlona flood Ilia l.urky I scape.
Tho fatal recent leap of Robert 12. Od
ium from tho Last River bridge, recalls
a similar foolhardy exhibition, which,
however, dy not terminate fatally. It
occurred, says a Lcwiston (N. Y.) corre
spondent of tho New York 1'ime.i, about
thirty-five years ago, but had been nearly
forgotten in the lapse of timo. In 1850
51 there was constructed across tho Ni
agara river, just above Lcwiston, where
the river issues from the deep gorge ex
tending to this point from Niagara falls,
a suspension bridge for vehicles and pe
destrians. The roadway was destroyed
by tho force of tho blast sweeping down
this gorge in February, 1804, and noth
ing remains of it but shattered frag
ments hanging to the wire cables. This
bridge was 84U feet long, with a floor
twenty feet wide, and sixty
feet above the water. In the
summer of 1851, soon after tho
completion of tho bridge, a poor Swede
with an unpronounceable name, who an
swered to the name "Dave," was loafing
about the village doing odd jobs. Ho
stated one day in the presence of several
persons that in Sweden he had several
times made greater jumps than the dis
tance from this bridge to the water, and
that he would not be afraid to try it.
Upon being offered $10 to make the at
tempt, he immediately acceptod the oiler.
The following Sunday at 2 p. m., was ap
pointed for the trial. The distance to
be jumped was tho least factor of danger
in tho proposed attempt. Not only did
the wind from the gorge make it proba
ble that the jumper could not maintain a
perpendicular position, but tho rivor be
neath tho bridgo was a furious, swirling
flood, in which few swimmers would caro
to venture. These obstacles were pointed
ut to the Swede, and efforts wero made
to dissuade him from the foolhardy at
tempt. But us many persons had ex
pressed doubts as to his courage ho de
clared that ho would jump, regardless of
the consequences. News of the proposed
undertaking had circulated about town,
and at the appointed time--a fine July
afternoon a large crowd was assembled
on tho bridgo and upon both banks, and
many carriages from Niagara Farls were
there.
The Swede was promptly on hand. Ho
went to the middle of the bridge, clam
bered over the railing to one of the
stringers, and after waving his arm up
and down, and shouting in broken Eng
lish to the crowd to look at him, ho
sprang off. For about twenty-five feet
his body kept a vertical position, then
the wind struck him, and whirled him
about so that he struck the water on his
back and shoulders, with a splash that
was plainly heard on the banks. He dis
appeared beneath the surface, coming up
again far below, and feebly paddled
with one hand as he was whirled and
tossed about by the impetuous current.
A boat had put out from tho shore, and
to evervbody's surprise ho succeeded in
keeping afloat until it reached him many
rods below the bridge. Tho most re
markable part of the wholo affair was
that the fellow entirely recovered from
the effects of his crazy leap. Although
he was bruised from head to heels by
tho concussion and confined to his bed
for some days no internal organs were
injured, and ho was soon about again
bragging of tho feats he would under
take in jumping. But ho was wiso
enough never to Tcpcat this one. "Dave"
was a familiar figure in that vicinity
many years ago, but as telegraphs and
daily papers were in their leading strings
in those days it is likely that his renown
is now first published, thirty-four years
after tho fact, when Odlum'g fatal leap
naturally recalls it.
The World Without Sugar.
Has any housewife ever realized the
alarming condition of cookery in tho
benighted generations before the inven
tion of sugars? It is really almost too ap
palling to think about. So many things
we now look upou as all but necessaries
cakes, puddings, made dishes, confec
tionery, preserves, sweet biscuits, jellies,
cooked fruits, tarts, etc were then prac
tically impossible. Fancy attempting
nowadays to live a singlo day without
sugar; no tea, no coffee, no jam, no
cake, no sweets, no hot toddy before
one goes to bed; the bare idea of it is
too terrible. And yet that was really
the abject condition of all tho civilized
world up to the middle of the Middlo
Ages. Horace's punch was sugarless;
tho gentle Virgil never tasted tho con
genial cup of afternoon tea; and
Socrates went from his cradlo to
his grave without ever knowing
tho flavor of peppermint bull's eyes.
How tbo children spent their Saturday
as, or their weekly oaolus, is a profound
mystery. To be sure, people made honey;
but honey is rare, dear and Bcantv: "it
can never havo filled one-quarter the
place that sugar fills in our modern affec
tions. Try for a moment to realize
drinking honey with one's whisky aud
water, or doing the year's preserving
with a pot of Narborine, and you get at
once a common measure of the difference
between the two as practioal sweeteuers.
Nowadays we get sugar from cane and
beet root in abundance, while sugar,
maple and puhn tiecs of various sorts
afford a considerable supply to remoter
countries. But the childhood of tho
little Greeks and Romans must have
been absolutely unlighted by a single
ray of joy from choeolutu creams or Ev
erton taffy. The consequence of this
excessive production of sweets in mod
ern times is, of course, that we have
begun todistrust the indications afforded
us by the sent-e of taste in this particular
tud to the wholesomeness of various ob
jects. London CornhilU
WISE WORDS.
I daro no more fret than I dare curse
and swear.
Though wo travel the world over to
find the beautiful, wo must carry it with
us, or we find it not.
We ought not to judge of men's
merits by their qualifications, but by the
use they make of them.
A wise and good man does nothing
for appearance, but everything for tho
sake of having acted well.
Tho human mind is alwaysi ncxorable
in demanding a motive for all human
actions. It is only himself that each man
permits to act without one, and avails
himself of the privilege with astonishing
frequency.
It is tho temper of a blade that must
bo the proof of a good sword, and not
the gilding of the hilt or tho richness of
tho scabbard; so it is not his grandeur
and possessions that make a man con
siderable, but his intrinsic merit.
Ay, that's tho word punctuality! Did
you ever see a man who was punctual
who did not prosper in tho long run?
We don't caro who, or what ho was
high or low, ignorant or learned, savage
or civilized we know that if he did as
ho agreed, and was punctuul in all his
engagements, ho prospered.
There is no moment like the present;
not only so, but, moreover, there is no
moment at all, that is, no instant force
and energy, but in tho present. The
man who will not execute his resolutions
when they are fresh upon him can have
no hope for them afterward, they will bo
dissipated, lost and perish in tho hurry
skurry of the world, or sink in the slough
of indolence.
"Be suro you are right, than go
ahead!" To act from impulse or to de
cide instantly may at times bo necessary
or even imperative in an emergency; but
it is to be remembered that emergencies
do not oftenest come to thoso whoso
motto is to "make baste slowly." Man's
outward circumstances, which are famil
iarly said to be beyond his control, are
many times beyond his management be
cause he did not exercise control at the
time when his work was in his own
power.
The Richest Street la tho World.
No street in the world possesses moro
value than Fifth avenue. Yet the city
derives but one million dollars a year in
taxes upon tho property, which shows
conclusively that this city suffers from
the epidemic of undervaluation. The
total assessment upon the property along
the avenue is but $49,449,000, although
it must bo worth six or seven times that
amount. As an instance of undervalua
tion, Mr. Vanderbilt's property may bo
taken. His house cost $3,000,000, ex
clusive of the laud upon which it stands,
which is said to be worth half a million
more. Yet the whole establishment is
assessed at $1,000,000. The house of his
son, Williaui K., which is said to havo
cost 83,000,000, exclusive of the land, is
assessed at $500,000, while that of Mr.
Webb, his son-in-iaw, quite as expensive
in value, is rated nt $400,000. Mr. Van
derbilt's former residence which cannot
be worth less than $750,000, is rated at
$140,000. The Stuart marblo palace is
assessed at $500,000. James Gordon
Bennett's residence, for which $350,000
was refused, is rated at $150,000, while
Robert Bonner, whose place is not much
more valuable, pays taxes on a valuation
of $575,000, which indicates that the
owner of Dexter and other equally as
famous horses, is an honest man. Seit
York Dispatch.
Closing London Tower.
The Tower of London is locked up
every night at eleven o'clock. As the
clock strikes that hour tho yeoman
porter, clothed in a long red cloak, bear
ing a huge bunch of keys and accompa
nied by a warder carrying a lantern,
stands at tho front of tho main guard
house and calls out, "Escort keys."
The sergeant of tho guard and five or six
men then turn out and follow him to tho
outer gate, each sentry challenging as
they pass with, " AVho goes there?"' the
unswer being " Keys." The gatos being
carefully locked and barred, tho proces
sion returns, tho sentries exacting tfci
same explanation and receiving tho same
answer as before. Arriving onco more
nt the front of the main guard house, tho
sentry gives a loud stamp with his foot
and asks, " Who goes there?" "Kevs."
" Whoso keys?" " Queen Victoria's
keys." "Advance, Queen Victoria's
keys, aud all's well." The ycoinan
porter then cull out, "God bless Queen
lctona! to which the guard responds,
"Amen." The officer orders "Present
arms," and kisses the hilt of his sword.
and tho yeoman porter then marches
alone across the parade and deposits the
keys in the lieutenant's lodging.
Go and Cure Yourself.
General John A. Dix onco made a pro
fessional call upon Dr. Aberuethy, and
of courso got good advice, and being
wise enough to accept it, he lived to see
four-score years, a result of which his
dyspeptic youth scarcely gave promise.
After hearing a few words of the chrouic
invalid's lament, tho eminent but eccen
tric physician cut him short with tbo
following impromptu address:
"Sir, vou uro pretty far gone, and the
wonder is you are not gono entirely. If
yju had consulted common sense instead
of the medical faculty, you would prob
ably havo been well years ago. 1 can
say nothing to you except this: You
must take regular exercise, as much as
you can bear without fatigue, and a
modest quantity of plain food, of tho
quality you find by exerience best to
agree with you. 1 litre uro a few general
rules which any man of common sense-
may learn in a week, such as this: That l
rich food, high seasoning, etc., are in
jurious. I can say no more to you, sir;
you must go and cure yourself."
THREE LESSONS.
There ore three lessons I would write,
Three words as with a golden pen,
In tracings of eternal light
Upon the hearts of men.
Have hope! Though clouds environ round,
And gladness bides her face in scorn.
Tut thou the shadow from thybrow,
No night but hath its morn.
Have faith! Where'er thy bark is driven,
The calm's disport, the tempest's mirth,
Know this, God rules the hosts of heaven,
The inhabitants of earth!
Have lovet Not love alone for ono,
But man as man thy brother's call;
And scatter, like the circling sun,
Thy charities on all.
Thus grave these words upon my soul,
Hope, fnitli and love, and thou shalt find
Strength when life's surges maddest roll,
Light, whon thou else wert blind.
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
An e,ye-deal person The oculist.
A matter of tnstc Strong butter. ,
The best posted traveler is a letter.
A dentist is no chicken. He is always
a pull-it.
A wooden wedding Marrying a
blockhead.
Why is a horse like an onion? Becauso
it docs not know its own strength.
Making crazy quilts is the proper
work for bedlamites. Chicago Sun.
The many beauteous lays called forth
By sunset 'a golden charms
Remind us that, in turn, tho lays '
Cause hen-seta on the farms. "
Merchant-TraxeUr.
Energy and a boy digging fish-bait
both mean about the same thing. Chi
cago Ledger..
THK BOARDEtt'ft SOLILOQUY.
How swift the hours of sleep glide byl
I hear the sparrow chinning,
The mackerel peddler's screeching cry
Proclaims that day's beginning.
Once more to dr,ess I must begin,
The sun shines out in splendor,
And I bear the thud of the rolling pin
That makes the beefsteak tender.
tioiton Courier.
Who wonders at the number of funny
writers on this continent? Wasn't it
named after a merry cuss? Ut. Paul
Herald.
The earth would be a comparatively
pleasant dwelling place if it were not for
the man who is always talking about
"tho good old times." Hatchet.
"Belmont, N. II., boasts of a woman
who goes out and chops wood with her
husband." It is quito a common thing
for women to mop tho floor with their
husbands, but wo never heard of chop
ping wood with them. lngleside.
A WRECKED WRETCH.
Gnze on my braised and battered face,
Mark well this sightless eye;
Catch on to both my broken limbs,
Then heave for me a sigh.
Perhaps you think from buildings "skin"
I've had a fearful fall;
Oh, no; kind friends, please understand,
I sunply played baseball.
New York Jounxal.
Serious Results of Sundny-Flshlnp.
Sheik Kemal Edin Demeri, who died
about a. D. 1405, and was the author of
a voluminous treatise on the life of ani
mals, relates the following story as a
fact: "Tho inhabitants of a town called
Olila. on the shore of the Red Sea, were
in olden times metamorphosed into
monkeys, in punishment for their
wickedness. They had broken the Sab
bath by fishing. Somo of their pious
fellow:citizens endeavored in vain to
convey them back into the path of vir
tue; aud, finally, when all admonitions
provod useless, left tho to wd. Return
ing to their homes three days lator, they
found, instead of their neighbors, bab
oous, which met'them looking sorrow
fully, and expressing by signs and atti
tude that they recognized tho friends
whoso udvico they had scorned with so
dreadful a result. In his anger, Allah
had inllicted a terrible senteucQ on
them."
Tho prophet aud his followers admit
this metamorphosis by God's special in
tervention as a fact, and this fully ex
plains the prominent part assigned to
apes in all Aiabic fables and tales. Tho
early Egyptians believed religiously that
somo groups of monkeys were experts in
writing, aud, by that fact alone, equal if
uot superior to mankind in general. A
number of apes wero consequent ly shel
tered and fed in tho temples, worshiped
during life, nnd embalmed after death.
Thoso privileged specimens of tho four
handed tribe, when first introduced into
tho reinple, were handed a slnto and
pencil by the chief priest, and humbly
requested to show their right to admis
sion into the sacred asylum by writing.
The gamboling and grinning candidates
wrote, and nobody ever doubted that
tho figures traced by their atnle handt
fully deserved to bo classed in
tho category of hieroglyphs.
So highly wero they hold in respect and
veneration, that tho holy Sphinx was
represented with their hair-dress, and,
till to-day, mon and women in the coun
try of the Madhi give their hair the
saiuo shape. But tho Egyptiuus never
admitted that tho priests or Pharaohs
were the desceueants of monkeys, while,
on the contrary, tho Hindoos built houses
aud temples to shelter and worship
upes, aud venerated the nrinces of their
country us the direct offspring of the
holy animals. The Arabs regard the
latter as "tho descendants of the wicked,
to whom uothing is gucrud, nothing ro
bpectuble, uothing too good or too bad ;
who uever fuel friendly disposi
tions for other creatures of t lie
Lord, nnd are condemned by Allah, nnd
curry the likeness of tho evil one and cf
man coiabin 1 on taeir ill-shape 1 bod
(e." I'eftxilar ScUiice Moxth'y.