THE FOREST REPUBLICAN Is published avery Wednesday, (y J. Z. WENK. Ollloa in Bmearbaugh & Co.' Building ELM STREET, TIONF.STA, T. RATES OF ADVERTISING. One Sqnare, one Inch, one lmertlon. f 1 00 One 8qoare, one Inch, one month S 00 One Bqusre, one Inch, three months. 00 Ono Square, one Inch, one year 10 0 Two Squares, one year t 00 Quarter Column, one year..,,., .. 80 00 Half Column, ono year to 00 One Column, one year ...........100 00 I,cel advertisements ton cents rt Una each In rcrtion. Marriage and death notices gratia. All bills for yearly advertmemente collected qnar. terly. Temporary advertisements most be paid in advance. Job work eash on delivery. cm ft fl O Terms. tl.DO per Year. No nhsr.r!ptlona received for ft shorter period than three months. Correspondence solicited from all parts of the country. No notice will be taken of anonymous communications. T0L.IYIII. NO. 13. TIONESTA. PA., WEDNESDAY, JULY 15, 1885. $1,50 PER ANNUM. FflOM AFAR. ' High on abolish a mocking-bird outpour ; Ecstatic melodies In li'jiiid trills, Now soft and low, now with a note that thrill, Bislng and falling ax a lnrlc that soars, Yet and aa surges beating on fur shore, Bight sndden'd by hi mimic, I send forth, Oh, friend, my heart's lovo for you to tho North. Pet wwii us distance lios; but faith assure Each thought 1 give you is return'd by yourg, Rich with your lovo for him who presa'd your brow To ease its.throbbing. Oh, what matter now Binco this remains, and inom'ry still adores Our old life in the past the close-bnrr'd gates? Now is not the forever, and the future waits! Chas. IV. Coleman, Jr., in Harper. MEAN II ET. Away tip among tho Boston mountains, it A .1- - ... i niniiijnuw iiuilf n tiuttiu BU lUpill that it seonicd a torrent of hurry and worry there stands an old stone house. Hero and thcro, high up among sudden coves and down below in little valleys, luxur iant crops of grain and grasses grow. The place is owned by old Nathan Bill ingsly, a man whoso reputation for piety sjiicad far beyond tho boundary lines of tho county. "Mrs. Billingsly was pale and pious. She worked so hard in sum mer, cooking for tho hired men, thatsho barely had tho strength in winter to en ter the revival work of the circuit and do herself justice. To this devoted old couple only one child had been born, a girl who hiul grown up to bo anything lut a joy to her parents. They had been married many years when the child was born, and the old man, in an ecstasy of delight, declared that the little thing was a sunbeam that had fallen on to tho shady !do of his life. Years failed to verify this hopeful assertion. The gill, known all over the neighborhood as '. lean 1 let, was, to her parents, a constant causo of vexa tion, and sometimes sho was tho cause of humiliation. Sho was small and of ex ceeding llcctncss of foot. Her face was of that peculiar paleness which no excr r.iso tends to redden. Her eyes were as dark as the interior of a cave. " lleltio," suid Sirs. Billingsly ono evening, " whero havo you been all day?" She took a small fish from her pocket, threw it on the table, pointed to it acid said: " Worked all day for that little perch. Lost all tny bait, and had to eaten this young sinner with a cricket." " You ought to bo ashamed of your self." 'Iom. Anybody that couldn't do better than this," again pointing at tho fish, "ought to feel ashamed. Got any thing to eat, handy? I am hungry as a wolf!" "Ah, child," sighed Mrs. Billingsly.ss she turnod to tho ' cubbard" to take down the dishes containing tho dinner which had been kept for tho girl, ' I don't know what is to become of you. Hcttie, do you know that you are sixteen yoars old to-day?" "This curly mustard makes splendid greens, don't it?" " Did you hear what I said to you?" "Yessum. I never would know how old I am unless you were to tell mc. Sixteen years old sixteen. Why, I don't feel old, mother, and niter all 1 am not as old as you are." "Hcttie, don't be so foolish." "Why, mother, is it foolish to tell the truth? If I were to say that I am as old as you are it would be foolish, and at the same time it would bo untrue." "Hush, child. Hereeomcs your father. He Is mad." The old man entered the room. "Hot, where have you been?" "Fishing." "I'll fish you." He walked out toward an apple tree. The girl dropped her knife and fork. "Mother, he's going to whip me. Don't let him. I know I'm mean, but it hurts so when I'm whipped. I'leaso don't let hi in whip me," Tho old .Wan. stripping the loaves from an applo treo sprout, walked in with a deliberation which showed his strength of purpose. 'I've foolod with you as long as I am goin' to, you good-for-nothiu thinjr, I'll" "Hello!" some ono called at the gate. The old man dropped the switch and went out. Mrs. Billingsly and the girl, seeing that the old man was conducting someone toward tho house, went into the sitting room, whero they were pre sented to young Mr. Wilkins. the newly appointed circuit rider. The young man, during a course of theological study, had grown pale, but his faco col ored when llettie, with mischievous frankness, extended her hand. "I Bin under many obligations to you," said llettie, still holding tho hand of the blushing preacher. The old man glared at the girl. The old lady violently cleared her throat. "Obligations to me? Why, Miss Bil lingsly, I do not understand you." "Yes, I am. Father was just about to larrup me with an apple tree sprout when you came." "Leave this room," demanded the old man. "(Jo on, I tell you. That switch is still hundy, and you shall feel it yet." The girl left the room. The aston ished Mr. Wilkins sat down, and recov ering somewhat from his embarrassment, said: "Brother Billingsly, how is tho- con dition of the church in this neighbor hood?" "Pretty fair." "At tho last mectin'," remarked tne old lady, "wo hud three of as bright conversions a I ever saw. There 1ms been a Iittlo backslidin1 lately, caused by bran dances an' tho like, but w ith the right sort of work the church, can be put in ilrst rate condition. This is your first charge, ain't it?" "Yes, I have Just como from college. Although I have never been actively en- fnged in tho vineyard, vet I belivo that can do good work. I have " Tho minister uttered an exclamation and rnn out into tho yard. His horso was galloping away. A giggling girl drew back behind a corner of the house. Sho had unhitched tho horse. Tho preacher by climbing fences and crossing rugged places, succeeded in catching tho horse, but at least two hours were spent in tho perplexing exercise. "How is this.'Brother Uillingsly?" "What, Brother Wilkins?" "Why I tied my horse securely, but you sec ho has tho bridla over his head. This is certainly strange. Won't you. ride to tho house, Brother Billingsly?" "Oh, no, I am used to walking." "Well, I will ride." Ho mounted the horse. Tho animal lunged forward, kicked up and threw the young man. Mr. Billingsly caught tho horso. Mr. Wilkins said that thcro was surely some mistake. "Why, sir, ho never acted this way before." Tho old man adjusted tho saddle. A fragment of flint rock fellonthoground Tlic old man shook his head and sighed deeply. "What is tho matter, Brother Bil lingsly?" "I was thinking of the sinfulness thcro is in this world." "Yes, the world is full of sin; but it is our duty to radicato it." "Well, lot us goto tho house." When tho preacher had gono to,bcd, Mr. Billingsly having socured tho applo tree sprout, called his daughter. "Father, plcnso don't whip mo. I won't do it any more." "Do what?" "Do anything. I'll bo good, I de claro I will. 1 won't go lishing any more unless you tell me to go." "What made you put that rock under tho saddlo and turn the horno loose, hah?" "I don't know, but if you won't whip me, I will never do it any more." "I heard you talk that way before. Como hero to mo 1" Just as ho raised tho switch, tho preacher calling from the head of the stairs, said: "Oh, Brother Billingsly 1" "Yes." "Step here a minute, please." The old mau went up. The preacher said: "You must really excuse mo for going to bod without having held pray ers. I am very young in the causo, you know, and really forgot it. Is it "too late?" "No; wo might pray a little." The preacher put on his clothes, came down 'stars and summoned the family. Mean llettie joined the circle of devo tion. When tho services were over, the preacher, tho old man and the old lady engaged in a long conversation. Tho prayer had aroused them and they talked until a late hour. In tho mean time the girl slipped away and went to bed. The next day was Sunday. Mr. Wil kins had an appointment to preach in a Iittlo church situated a short distance from Billingsly farm. - "When the timo arrived, Wilkins asked tho girl if he might accompany bcr. Sho laughed uproariously. You aro the first person that ever wanted to go with mo anywhere," sho said. "It does not, however, give you cause to refuse." "Oh, I'm not going to refuse. Tho girls and 1 hato nearly all of them think it is awful smart to catch a new preacher." "I hopo that this alone does not in fluence you to accompany me." "No." "You have a nobler rnotivo." "Yes, I want to see how foolish it will make father look." "You ought not talk that way." "Why, , lon't you like to hear tho truth?" " "Oh, yes, but no ono should entertain such truths. They aro pernicious. A truth can bo quite as bad as a lie." "Well, I have another reason." "I am glad to hear it." "It is a better reason than the other one." "What is it?" "I want to see how curious it will make mother look." , "Miss Billingsly, you are provo king." "So are vou. They are ready. Come on." Mr. Billingsly and his wife wero sur prised to see the preacher walking with their daughter, for, having listened to neighbors who are never complimentary, they thought' that Hattio wus tho worst child in tho world. Tho young preacher was a success. At first ho was embarrassed, but receiving, from the kindly faces around him, an in spiration of confldcncc, he threw oil nil restraint and thrilled tho congregation. "How did you like my sermon?" he asked of llettie us they were walking along the road. "It did first rate for a beginner." The preacher wus disappointed. Of all tho peoplo in tho house, he desired m ost to impress the girl. Perceiving his disappointment, aud suffering a slight sting of remorse, sho added: "It wag the best sermon I ever heard. The heathen was touched." lie looked earnestly at her. She laughed so loud that Billingsly and his wife, who were walking some distance in advance, looked back at her. " You do not call yourself a heathen, do you? " "Yes." "You have no causo to cull yoursolf a heathen. Are not your parents good Christiaus?" "Yes, but I am a heathen. Wonder what would become of me if I were to dio. Oh, I know. I would be buried." "Miss Billingsly, you should not talk so.' "Do you know why I am so bad? " "I do not know that you aro so bad." "I am though." "Then, why aro you? " "Because, ever since I can remember, everybody has told me how bad I am. I must, havo been a repulsive child, for I canniot remember that a visitor to our houje ever took mo up and carressed mo. Nothing could make mo bitter, so I j'dst became bud. I have made many atcnipts to bchavo myself, but the first thing I know, something would come np to turn me back. I know tht I am almost a woman but we have talked enough about it. I hove already talked more freely to you than I have ever talked to anyone else." Wilkins boarded with Billingsly. The preacher tried in vain to engage the girl in another serious conversation. She did not avoid him, but when he attempted to draw from her a serious expression, sho would make perplexing replies. A great revival was organized nt tho little church. Ilettio would not walk with tho preacher, and, in fact, sho would not have attended the meeting had not ker father compelled her to do so. One evening, just before church time, tho old gentleman called Hcttie. He re ceived no answer. Tho old fellow raved. He searched tho premises, but could not find her. The preacher was grieved ond Mrs. Billingsly was humili ated. Thay went to church without tho girl. When they had gone, Hcttie came out from her hiding place. Her eyes wero red, and her cheeks were tear stained. She attempted to read, but threw down the book. Sho tried to laugh but burst into tears. The clock struck nine. Brushing back her hair, she stood for a moment as though she were deeply thinking, then, throwing a light shawl around her shoulders, sho rushed from tho houso. The preacher had begun to call for mourners; the brothers and sisters had begun to sing an old hymn, when llettie entered the church. Without looking up she walked quickly to the mourners' bench and knelt down. The people were astonished. When the services were closed, the preacher looked for Hettio, but she had disappeared. He did not see her at the breakfast table the next morning. In apology, Mrs. Billingsly said that her daughter was not well. She did not come down to dinner, neither did she make her appearance at, tho sup per table. The old man was much softened toward the girl, and before going to church he went up and kissed her. It was such a surprise, it moved her so dooply that she sobbed aloud. tThat night when the preacher called for mourners, llettie suddenly appeared She looked at no ono but with a low cry, she sank upon the bench. People who had never had a kind word to say of the girl, gathered around her and whispered consoling words in her ears. Everyone seemed to be glad that Mean Het was unable to longer tight against tho spirit. The girl was so earnest that tho meet ing was prolonged. Just as an old ex horter aroso to say that the services would be brought to a close, llettie sprang to her feet, uttered a cry of joy and seized her mother. It was now useless to attempt a dismissal of the meeting. The little church had never known a season of such shouting. Old man Billingsly lifted his lusty voice and his wife in a transport of happiness, siuging in a voice of tremulous joy, time and again declared that the Lord had is sued a special decree in her favor. Tho preacher was happy. He had been the means of accomplishing a work which every one had thought to be im possible. Ho was ardently sincere; he believed that a soul had been saved. llettie no longer avoided him. Her face had undergone an entire change. Her smilo was radiant. ' One evening, shortly nftcr her conversion, sho and tho preacher sat on a large rock. "llettie, you do not know how bright your face has grown." "And you, Mr. Wilkins, do not know how light my heart has grown. I look with pity upon my former self. I can now realizo the truth of what you have told me." "llettie, you have been more to me than I have to you, yes, much more. I taught you duty: you taught me love. Oh, girl, I love you, I love you." She did not reply, but she put her arms around his neck. This occurred several years ago. Mrs. Ilettio Welkins, wife of tho presiding elder, is one of tho most modest and pious women in Arkausaw. She often tells her husband that lie more than once saved her that his "hello" was almost as saving as his earnest voice of admoni tion. Arhun&aio Traveler. Mortality hi War Times. From official records of tho war de partment based on the losses given and the total number of nieu furnished by the States and Territories during tho wai it appears that: Out of every sixty-five men one man was killod in action. Out of every fifty-six men one man died of wounds received in action. Out of every thirteen men oue man died of disease. Out of every nine men one man died while in service. Out of every fifteen men one man was captured or reported missing. Out of every ten men one man was wounded in action. Out of every seven men captured one died while in captivity. A Uritish officer sava that such a tkinw as a good looking Arab woman does not exist. LEAPING INTO THENIAGARA AIT IWCIDEJTT RECALLED ET LTJMS FATAL EXPLOIT. OD. A Swede's Wonderful Jnrap from a Illlfh Niiatnalon Hridsre Into the t urlona flood Ilia l.urky I scape. Tho fatal recent leap of Robert 12. Od ium from tho Last River bridge, recalls a similar foolhardy exhibition, which, however, dy not terminate fatally. It occurred, says a Lcwiston (N. Y.) corre spondent of tho New York 1'ime.i, about thirty-five years ago, but had been nearly forgotten in the lapse of timo. In 1850 51 there was constructed across tho Ni agara river, just above Lcwiston, where the river issues from the deep gorge ex tending to this point from Niagara falls, a suspension bridge for vehicles and pe destrians. The roadway was destroyed by tho force of tho blast sweeping down this gorge in February, 1804, and noth ing remains of it but shattered frag ments hanging to the wire cables. This bridge was 84U feet long, with a floor twenty feet wide, and sixty feet above the water. In the summer of 1851, soon after tho completion of tho bridge, a poor Swede with an unpronounceable name, who an swered to the name "Dave," was loafing about the village doing odd jobs. Ho stated one day in the presence of several persons that in Sweden he had several times made greater jumps than the dis tance from this bridge to the water, and that he would not be afraid to try it. Upon being offered $10 to make the at tempt, he immediately acceptod the oiler. The following Sunday at 2 p. m., was ap pointed for the trial. The distance to be jumped was tho least factor of danger in tho proposed attempt. Not only did the wind from the gorge make it proba ble that the jumper could not maintain a perpendicular position, but tho rivor be neath tho bridgo was a furious, swirling flood, in which few swimmers would caro to venture. These obstacles were pointed ut to the Swede, and efforts wero made to dissuade him from the foolhardy at tempt. But us many persons had ex pressed doubts as to his courage ho de clared that ho would jump, regardless of the consequences. News of the proposed undertaking had circulated about town, and at the appointed time--a fine July afternoon a large crowd was assembled on tho bridgo and upon both banks, and many carriages from Niagara Farls were there. The Swede was promptly on hand. Ho went to the middle of the bridge, clam bered over the railing to one of the stringers, and after waving his arm up and down, and shouting in broken Eng lish to the crowd to look at him, ho sprang off. For about twenty-five feet his body kept a vertical position, then the wind struck him, and whirled him about so that he struck the water on his back and shoulders, with a splash that was plainly heard on the banks. He dis appeared beneath the surface, coming up again far below, and feebly paddled with one hand as he was whirled and tossed about by the impetuous current. A boat had put out from tho shore, and to evervbody's surprise ho succeeded in keeping afloat until it reached him many rods below the bridge. Tho most re markable part of the wholo affair was that the fellow entirely recovered from the effects of his crazy leap. Although he was bruised from head to heels by tho concussion and confined to his bed for some days no internal organs were injured, and ho was soon about again bragging of tho feats he would under take in jumping. But ho was wiso enough never to Tcpcat this one. "Dave" was a familiar figure in that vicinity many years ago, but as telegraphs and daily papers were in their leading strings in those days it is likely that his renown is now first published, thirty-four years after tho fact, when Odlum'g fatal leap naturally recalls it. The World Without Sugar. Has any housewife ever realized the alarming condition of cookery in tho benighted generations before the inven tion of sugars? It is really almost too ap palling to think about. So many things we now look upou as all but necessaries cakes, puddings, made dishes, confec tionery, preserves, sweet biscuits, jellies, cooked fruits, tarts, etc were then prac tically impossible. Fancy attempting nowadays to live a singlo day without sugar; no tea, no coffee, no jam, no cake, no sweets, no hot toddy before one goes to bed; the bare idea of it is too terrible. And yet that was really the abject condition of all tho civilized world up to the middle of the Middlo Ages. Horace's punch was sugarless; tho gentle Virgil never tasted tho con genial cup of afternoon tea; and Socrates went from his cradlo to his grave without ever knowing tho flavor of peppermint bull's eyes. How tbo children spent their Saturday as, or their weekly oaolus, is a profound mystery. To be sure, people made honey; but honey is rare, dear and Bcantv: "it can never havo filled one-quarter the place that sugar fills in our modern affec tions. Try for a moment to realize drinking honey with one's whisky aud water, or doing the year's preserving with a pot of Narborine, and you get at once a common measure of the difference between the two as practioal sweeteuers. Nowadays we get sugar from cane and beet root in abundance, while sugar, maple and puhn tiecs of various sorts afford a considerable supply to remoter countries. But the childhood of tho little Greeks and Romans must have been absolutely unlighted by a single ray of joy from choeolutu creams or Ev erton taffy. The consequence of this excessive production of sweets in mod ern times is, of course, that we have begun todistrust the indications afforded us by the sent-e of taste in this particular tud to the wholesomeness of various ob jects. London CornhilU WISE WORDS. I daro no more fret than I dare curse and swear. Though wo travel the world over to find the beautiful, wo must carry it with us, or we find it not. We ought not to judge of men's merits by their qualifications, but by the use they make of them. A wise and good man does nothing for appearance, but everything for tho sake of having acted well. Tho human mind is alwaysi ncxorable in demanding a motive for all human actions. It is only himself that each man permits to act without one, and avails himself of the privilege with astonishing frequency. It is tho temper of a blade that must bo the proof of a good sword, and not the gilding of the hilt or tho richness of tho scabbard; so it is not his grandeur and possessions that make a man con siderable, but his intrinsic merit. Ay, that's tho word punctuality! Did you ever see a man who was punctual who did not prosper in tho long run? We don't caro who, or what ho was high or low, ignorant or learned, savage or civilized we know that if he did as ho agreed, and was punctuul in all his engagements, ho prospered. There is no moment like the present; not only so, but, moreover, there is no moment at all, that is, no instant force and energy, but in tho present. The man who will not execute his resolutions when they are fresh upon him can have no hope for them afterward, they will bo dissipated, lost and perish in tho hurry skurry of the world, or sink in the slough of indolence. "Be suro you are right, than go ahead!" To act from impulse or to de cide instantly may at times bo necessary or even imperative in an emergency; but it is to be remembered that emergencies do not oftenest come to thoso whoso motto is to "make baste slowly." Man's outward circumstances, which are famil iarly said to be beyond his control, are many times beyond his management be cause he did not exercise control at the time when his work was in his own power. The Richest Street la tho World. No street in the world possesses moro value than Fifth avenue. Yet the city derives but one million dollars a year in taxes upon tho property, which shows conclusively that this city suffers from the epidemic of undervaluation. The total assessment upon the property along the avenue is but $49,449,000, although it must bo worth six or seven times that amount. As an instance of undervalua tion, Mr. Vanderbilt's property may bo taken. His house cost $3,000,000, ex clusive of the laud upon which it stands, which is said to be worth half a million more. Yet the whole establishment is assessed at $1,000,000. The house of his son, Williaui K., which is said to havo cost 83,000,000, exclusive of the land, is assessed at $500,000, while that of Mr. Webb, his son-in-iaw, quite as expensive in value, is rated nt $400,000. Mr. Van derbilt's former residence which cannot be worth less than $750,000, is rated at $140,000. The Stuart marblo palace is assessed at $500,000. James Gordon Bennett's residence, for which $350,000 was refused, is rated at $150,000, while Robert Bonner, whose place is not much more valuable, pays taxes on a valuation of $575,000, which indicates that the owner of Dexter and other equally as famous horses, is an honest man. Seit York Dispatch. Closing London Tower. The Tower of London is locked up every night at eleven o'clock. As the clock strikes that hour tho yeoman porter, clothed in a long red cloak, bear ing a huge bunch of keys and accompa nied by a warder carrying a lantern, stands at tho front of tho main guard house and calls out, "Escort keys." The sergeant of tho guard and five or six men then turn out and follow him to tho outer gate, each sentry challenging as they pass with, " AVho goes there?"' the unswer being " Keys." The gatos being carefully locked and barred, tho proces sion returns, tho sentries exacting tfci same explanation and receiving tho same answer as before. Arriving onco more nt the front of the main guard house, tho sentry gives a loud stamp with his foot and asks, " Who goes there?" "Kevs." " Whoso keys?" " Queen Victoria's keys." "Advance, Queen Victoria's keys, aud all's well." The ycoinan porter then cull out, "God bless Queen lctona! to which the guard responds, "Amen." The officer orders "Present arms," and kisses the hilt of his sword. and tho yeoman porter then marches alone across the parade and deposits the keys in the lieutenant's lodging. Go and Cure Yourself. General John A. Dix onco made a pro fessional call upon Dr. Aberuethy, and of courso got good advice, and being wise enough to accept it, he lived to see four-score years, a result of which his dyspeptic youth scarcely gave promise. After hearing a few words of the chrouic invalid's lament, tho eminent but eccen tric physician cut him short with tbo following impromptu address: "Sir, vou uro pretty far gone, and the wonder is you are not gono entirely. If yju had consulted common sense instead of the medical faculty, you would prob ably havo been well years ago. 1 can say nothing to you except this: You must take regular exercise, as much as you can bear without fatigue, and a modest quantity of plain food, of tho quality you find by exerience best to agree with you. 1 litre uro a few general rules which any man of common sense- may learn in a week, such as this: That l rich food, high seasoning, etc., are in jurious. I can say no more to you, sir; you must go and cure yourself." THREE LESSONS. There ore three lessons I would write, Three words as with a golden pen, In tracings of eternal light Upon the hearts of men. Have hope! Though clouds environ round, And gladness bides her face in scorn. Tut thou the shadow from thybrow, No night but hath its morn. Have faith! Where'er thy bark is driven, The calm's disport, the tempest's mirth, Know this, God rules the hosts of heaven, The inhabitants of earth! Have lovet Not love alone for ono, But man as man thy brother's call; And scatter, like the circling sun, Thy charities on all. Thus grave these words upon my soul, Hope, fnitli and love, and thou shalt find Strength when life's surges maddest roll, Light, whon thou else wert blind. HUMOR OF THE DAY. An e,ye-deal person The oculist. A matter of tnstc Strong butter. , The best posted traveler is a letter. A dentist is no chicken. He is always a pull-it. A wooden wedding Marrying a blockhead. Why is a horse like an onion? Becauso it docs not know its own strength. Making crazy quilts is the proper work for bedlamites. Chicago Sun. The many beauteous lays called forth By sunset 'a golden charms Remind us that, in turn, tho lays ' Cause hen-seta on the farms. " Merchant-TraxeUr. Energy and a boy digging fish-bait both mean about the same thing. Chi cago Ledger.. THK BOARDEtt'ft SOLILOQUY. How swift the hours of sleep glide byl I hear the sparrow chinning, The mackerel peddler's screeching cry Proclaims that day's beginning. Once more to dr,ess I must begin, The sun shines out in splendor, And I bear the thud of the rolling pin That makes the beefsteak tender. tioiton Courier. Who wonders at the number of funny writers on this continent? Wasn't it named after a merry cuss? Ut. Paul Herald. The earth would be a comparatively pleasant dwelling place if it were not for the man who is always talking about "tho good old times." Hatchet. "Belmont, N. II., boasts of a woman who goes out and chops wood with her husband." It is quito a common thing for women to mop tho floor with their husbands, but wo never heard of chop ping wood with them. lngleside. A WRECKED WRETCH. Gnze on my braised and battered face, Mark well this sightless eye; Catch on to both my broken limbs, Then heave for me a sigh. Perhaps you think from buildings "skin" I've had a fearful fall; Oh, no; kind friends, please understand, I sunply played baseball. New York Jounxal. Serious Results of Sundny-Flshlnp. Sheik Kemal Edin Demeri, who died about a. D. 1405, and was the author of a voluminous treatise on the life of ani mals, relates the following story as a fact: "Tho inhabitants of a town called Olila. on the shore of the Red Sea, were in olden times metamorphosed into monkeys, in punishment for their wickedness. They had broken the Sab bath by fishing. Somo of their pious fellow:citizens endeavored in vain to convey them back into the path of vir tue; aud, finally, when all admonitions provod useless, left tho to wd. Return ing to their homes three days lator, they found, instead of their neighbors, bab oous, which met'them looking sorrow fully, and expressing by signs and atti tude that they recognized tho friends whoso udvico they had scorned with so dreadful a result. In his anger, Allah had inllicted a terrible senteucQ on them." Tho prophet aud his followers admit this metamorphosis by God's special in tervention as a fact, and this fully ex plains the prominent part assigned to apes in all Aiabic fables and tales. Tho early Egyptians believed religiously that somo groups of monkeys were experts in writing, aud, by that fact alone, equal if uot superior to mankind in general. A number of apes wero consequent ly shel tered and fed in tho temples, worshiped during life, nnd embalmed after death. Thoso privileged specimens of tho four handed tribe, when first introduced into tho reinple, were handed a slnto and pencil by the chief priest, and humbly requested to show their right to admis sion into the sacred asylum by writing. The gamboling and grinning candidates wrote, and nobody ever doubted that tho figures traced by their atnle handt fully deserved to bo classed in tho category of hieroglyphs. So highly wero they hold in respect and veneration, that tho holy Sphinx was represented with their hair-dress, and, till to-day, mon and women in the coun try of the Madhi give their hair the saiuo shape. But tho Egyptiuus never admitted that tho priests or Pharaohs were the desceueants of monkeys, while, on the contrary, tho Hindoos built houses aud temples to shelter and worship upes, aud venerated the nrinces of their country us the direct offspring of the holy animals. The Arabs regard the latter as "tho descendants of the wicked, to whom uothing is gucrud, nothing ro bpectuble, uothing too good or too bad ; who uever fuel friendly disposi tions for other creatures of t lie Lord, nnd are condemned by Allah, nnd curry the likeness of tho evil one and cf man coiabin 1 on taeir ill-shape 1 bod (e." I'eftxilar ScUiice Moxth'y.