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TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, OCT 29. 1884. $1.50 PER ANNUM. menu P CM THE WATER 'I.tivbt that chm "to I fragile wr,de weed Iropof 7taldew miw Hvo a starving seed. d uii a double score , into oblivion's tea -a bundi o l Tines or more, i a strong aii'l giant tree. K. O. Blandty. ) ON THE II0XEYM00N. OOMEDT IN ONE ACT. CHARACTERS: "ttako rEnriER, Mrs. Richabd Ped dkk, Joux, a Waiter. BC E.N B. .--..l..r in a LoUrf in the WhIU ' rnch window at back, open- hows views of Mount Waah ' -nnce. Door to sleeping "or to corridor of hotel, iture) of parlor, with tost. -ed looking at bill of been marked). Broiled chicken, bam omelet. Um ! : particular about his food, n Uiey've been married more k. If he stays out the honey o he'll swear at the cook. They The cook's a kind of safety- t lots out the steam when the dial kettle gets too hot. Well, r the stuff. Goes left t Mr. Tedder from door R. Any letters this morning, air. you. And breakfast 'en minutes, sir. Goes out. .bout.) Flow hungry it much of that supper . :i haps the head cook .ri to look after the lato ! wife won't keep me kfast. "My wife" sounds ' '.Jives a man a sense of fort to have a wife. And iviing. is Ellen! If it 'r.'r of poor little Lulu, i he faintest cloud on ha, with let tor. o letter, sir, for you, i-.-tier; John goes out aiiig, looks at letter.) From lie promised to write soon, e got to say? Heads. "Dear !po the- honeymoon is proving 'hat the poets describe it to be." ! You can just bet it is, old .-ads. "The city is beastly '.Ling decent at the theatres, and ! the nice girls are out of town." .And I've got the nicest here. "I must except the Tomlin a horn I cajlcd yesterday to ful- I - " - j v VJ T. xjuii I .ig on." Speaks. Dear old i lieud. "1 saw onlv MissTom- ;'iid Lulu. Miss Tomlinson in ivindly after you, and Lulu was 'tionato in her greeting. Poor ig! it does seem hard you had W up." Speaks. It was Reads. "Perhaps Mrs. Ped idices may not prove so strong .ak, and you may yet all three J frieuds. Having duly reported, ; think there's any more to tell you. iff Vaugban on his yacht. He has 1 1 to me twice. With kindest re 'o the bride, yours, George Ham- . (folding up letter). "One can - rely on George. Glad he's seen Hetter not let my wife see this. ildn't like what he says about .idices. Puts letter in pocket. er dress rustling. Mrs. Fodder in pretty morning Here I am, dear. ', And very charming you look, 1'. (turning round so that he can -the dress.) I thought you would :t. Isn't the looping back of the ;retty I haven't kept you wait- ;-ve I? r. P. No; he hasn't brought break , vet. er John with breakfast thinp,lncludinz ttle with spirit (lamp lighted. Mr. ana i. x . sit anu uegin eating. Mr.. P. This trout is dried ch. Mrs. P. I'm sure, Dick dear, up too I don't ; anything the matter with it. John (aide.) I thought he was due. Mr. P. I'm glad you can eat it; I i t. Change my plate, John. Irs. P. No letters for me this morn- . John? hn. No, mum. Only one for Mr. : Jer. He goes off with plates. P. (aside). Why the deuce couldn't ply say "no"? (Aloud.) Just a anes from . Hammond, dear. He his kindest regards to you. -. P. Much obliged to him. I like ;e Hammond best of all your friends r. met. ... P. I'm very glad you do, for he's tiest I have. 1 want you to make f el at home in our crib, when we ack to the city. 4. P. I'll try, Dick. Holding out bowl. Does my dicky-bird want .; more sugar. P. No, thank you. Aside. I he'd drop that canary racket. P. AVhat does Mr. Humragnd ..l.outt 1. Oh.uothing in particular. Only because he promised. Sends a tub goeip and says he may go Can I read his letter? I'd like ictly what he has to say about All risht. dear: I'll show It to you some lime. . But I want you now to get ready lor a walk. (Riaea. Mrs. P. Tou're in a great hurry this morning. Are you sure you are not dy ing to catch sight of that widow on horse back? Mr. P. The widow be married again. Mrs. P. (coming to him.) Oh, Dick, you say that as if you thought it would bo a punishment. Mr. P. Perhaps it would be, to her misnana. Mis. P. (anxiously.) But you don't think so? Mr. P. now can I tell anything about it? I don't know her or her intended victim. Mrs. P. You know that isn't what I meant, Dick. Y'ou don't find marriage a punishment? Air. P. How can I, when I have mar ried a girl I love o much. Mrs. P. The only one you have ever really loved? Mr. P. Haven't I told tou so a hun dred times? Mrs. P. Well, tell it again. I can't hear it too oftn. Mr. P. (kissing her.) The only one I have really loved. Now, while you put on your things, I'll have a smoke. (Takes out a cigar and looks in match- safe.) No matches again 1 I believe the case must leak. Mrs. P. There's a light under the ket tle, Dick. But please go outside to smoke. Mr. P. All right. (lie takes out some letters from his pocket, and tears a piece off one to make a lighter; walks to ta ble, lights cigar, and in putting letters back drops one without noticing he has done so.) I'll go out on the balcony. Bring my hat and gloves, dear- when you're ready; and don't be long. He goes out through window. Mrs. P. I wish tobacco smoke didn't make mo cough so. I hope I shall get used to it, for Dick's sake. Dear Dick, how good he isl Sees letter. Why, he" .1 . .1 tr . .. m? t ?. uroppej one oi us letters, i icksu up, and sees signature. "George Ham mond." That's the one he received this morning. He said I might read it. Be gins to read. "Dear Dick.' Speaks. 1 don't like anyone else calling Dick, Dick." I wonder if ho couldn't get them to call him Richard? I Reads. 1 "Hope the honeymoon is proving all the poets describe it to be." Speaks. Of course it is, and sweeter, too. Such per fect happiness is beyond the expression of mere words. Reads. "The city is beastly " Speaks. What a horrid wordl Readson. "dull; nothing de cent at the- theaters, and nearly all the nice girls out of town." Speaks reflec tively, and with a self-sat isticd tone. Yes. I suppose they are. Reads. "I must except the Tomlinsons, on whom I called to-day " Speaks. Dick never mentioned them; I wonder why he didn't? Reads. "to fulfill my prom ise to you to see how Lulu was getting on." Speaks. Who is Lulu Tomlin son, and why should Dick want to know how she is getting cn? Perhaps Tom linson has married a friend of Dick's; but even then I don't see why he should take so much interest in her. Reads. I saw only Miss Tomlinson and Lulu. Miss Tomlinson inquired kindly after you, and Lulu was very affectionate in her greeting." Speaks. Perhaps Lulu is going to marry George Hammond. Reads. "Poor little thing! It does seem hard you had to give her up." Speaks. Oh! Dick has been in love with Lulu. And how often had he sworn that I was the only womJa he had ever really loved I And I I believed him, fool that I was! 1 feel that all my faith is shattered. So this Mr. Hammond has been helping Dick to deceive me. I never could bear him, anyway. Reads. "Perhaps Mrs. Pedder's prejudices " Speaks. My prejudices! Goon, Mr, Hammond go on. I always thought you you were sly and fast. What more does the wretch isay ? Reads. "may not prove so strong as you think; and you may yet all three be good friends." Speaks. Very likely, very likely indeed, Mr. George Hammond. Friends with a forward minx like this Lulu, who, I am sure, was much more to blame than Richard. He has cruelly deceived me, though. If he had only told me the truth I might have forgiven him. Gets up and walks about. But now now I can never trust him again. And all for a girl who was ready to give his frieud an ailectionate greeting. A pretty friend, this man whom I ws to make feel at home! Home! I shall never have a home now. Looks at let ter again. "With kindest regards to the bride." Speaks. The hypocrite! How I hate him! And as for this Lulu, what can I do? Let me think. Oh, if mamma were only here to advise me! Enter Mr. V. through window. Mr. P. Not dressed yet, dear? Mrs. P. (hiding letter, and struggling to appear calm.) No. j Mr. P. Why not? . Mrs. P. I am not going out. I have a headache. Mr. P. Your eyes look red. I'm so sorry, dear! Coming closer. Can I get you anything? Mrs. P. (shrinking back.) No. Don't ' touch me. ' i Mr. P. Mrs. P. is broken Mr. P. broken it Mrs. P. What is the matter. i Oh, nothing. Only my heart ' What nonsense! What has It may be nonsense toyou.sir, but it is death to me. I have disco vied, your cruel perfidy. Mr. P. (amazed). My perfidy. Aside. What in thunder is she driving at? Mrs. P. Yes. You need not affect in nocence. I have proof of one case, but I dare say it is only one of hundreds. Oh! to think that I should have mar ried such a Don Juan! Mr. P. Will you please explain what you are talking ai about, bifcg). No Mrs. P. (sobbifcg). Not ten aunutes ago you told me that . I was the only woman you had ever really .loved. Mr. P. And I tell you so once more. Mrs. P. Don'tl don't!! .don't!!! Do not, Mr. Pedder, shatter any lingering remnant of faith I may ha re. Do not heap perjury on perjury. Mr. P. (aside). "Mr. Pedder." It's serious. Aloud. My dear, you'-are using very strong words. Mrs. P. I have heard of your loves, and the false stories you have told others the affections you nave vtaonged the hearts you have betrayed. And I I, who was ready to worship you, am to be rewarded with the worn-out feelinps of a rake. Oh ! it is a bitter awakening from my dream 1 Mr. P. If you will drop jour tragic vein, ana tell me what's the matter, I shall, no doubt, be able to explain it. I" can see that some one has been trying to make mischief lwween us. Who is the liar? the false friend? Tell nae, that I may prove myself innocent. Mrs. P. You brazen it out lloldly, sir, but you' acting does not invpose upon me. I have proofs the best proofs. Mr. P. Then show them to me-tell me what they are. I cannot answer an accusation that is so vague. " Mrs. P. You could not answer it if I demeaned myself by stating it in the clearest words. Mr. P. Ellen, is this the" faith and trust you promised me at the altar? Jirs. r. vo you aare to spoat to me of faith aad trust? You, who are so false and disloyal. Mr. P. If you won't tell me you won't. but I'll be hanged if I know what all this is about. Mrs. H. Go on, sir, go on. Uso bad language if you want to. You don't respect me, but you can't impose on me Had you confessed all and trusted to my lovo I might have forgiven you, but your shameless protestations of ignor ance and innocence Bhow me what I nave ro expect in me luttire. 1 am going to my room, sir, and I beg you win not aisturo me. Uoes to door. II you want amusement this morning, air, you can think of Lulu Tomlinson. She enters room and slams door. Mr. P. (alone). Whe-e-e-w 1 Lulu Tom linson! Takes letters from his pocket and looks them overl. By Jove! I've dropped George's, and she's read it. And she thinks Lulu is a girl ! Laughs. That's the best joke I ever heard. Come to think of it, his phrases were rather ambiguous. PoorLllen! it is really too bad she should have been so worried. But I was worried too. I shall have to give her a little lesson. Goes to door, opens it a little and calls, Mrs. Ped der! Mrs. P.'s voice. I asked you to respect my gnei. Mr. P. fin calmly dignified tonesl. I am aware how cruelly you have mis judged me. I cannot rest quietly under a false and wicked aspersion. It will be well for the future happiness of both of us that you come here and listen to me. Mrs. P.'s voice. I have proofs. Mr. P. Proofs that I shall demolish. Enter Mrs. P. Mrs. P. if vou can I shall be only too delighted Mr. P. Kindly take a seat. Thank you. When you left me, just now, you hurled at me the name of Lulu Tomlin son. What if I were to assure you that there is no such person? Mrs.. P. (rising. Oh, Dick, darling, isn't there really ? Mr. P. Oblige me, Mrs. Pedder, by remaining seated. Mrs. P. (sitting). Don't call me Mrs. Pedder, Dick. Mr. P. Madam, just now, on a groundless suspicion, you called me Mr. Pedder once, and sir five times. Had you told me all, and trusted to my love, I might have forgiven your want of faith the faith that you promised me at the altar. Hides face in handkerchief. Mrs. P. Oh, but, Dick, I didn't really mean it! I never really doubted you. Mr. P. Madam, your acting does not impose on me. Your anger wa.s too nat ural to have been assumed. Mrs. P. Don't, Dick, don't. I can't stand it. But you haven't explained it all yet. Mr. P. I should have, had vou not interrupted me. You found a letter I dropped, and you immediately pro ceeded to read it. Mrs. P. I saw it was from Mr. Ham mond, and you said I might read it. Mr. P. When I showed it to you. But, Mrs. Mrs. P. Don't, Dick, don't! If you call me Mrs. Pedder again I shall break my heart. Mr. P. Your distrust has almost broken mine. You found in that letter a reference to Miss Tomlinson and Lulu, and immediately jumped to the conclu sion that Lulu was a girl to whom I had behaved like a villain. -Mrs. P. And isn't the a girl? Mr. P. No; Lulu is a dog. Mrs. P. A dog ! Mr. P. A terrier of pure Skye breed. Mrs. P. (rising. Oh, Dick, how fool ish I have been. Mr. P. Don't touch me; hear me out. The first time I met you, you happened to mention your peculiar dislike to dogs. I fell in love with you that evening, so 1 determined not to spoil my changes by speaking of Lulu or letting you see her. When you accepted me, the Tomlinsons kindly took charge of Lulu, with the un derstanding that if I didn't claim her in six months, she was to be theirs. Mrs. P. (kneeling before him.) Oh, Dick, how wickedly suspicious I have ! been! Can you ever forgive me? Mr. P. My dear, I'll try, if you will promise nver to be jeuloin again. Mrs. P. Never, Dick, dear, never! Mr. P. You see that, however stroug apix-arances may be. they are not proofs. Mrs. P. No, Dick, no. I will never suspect you again ; aad I'll never read any of your letters unless you give them to me. Mr. P. That's my own trustful darling again! (They embrace.) Mrs. P. Dick, I believe I love you more than ever, though I didn't think that was possible. And, oh? Dick, dear, you may send for Lulu if you like. Mr. P. But you can't bear dogs. Mrs. P. Lulu can't be like any other dog. I know I shall love her for your sake. Besides, I don't want that Miss Tomlinson to have anything that belonged to you. Julian Magnu, in Harper. WISE WORDS. Wear a cheerful countenance. If your mirror won't smile on you, how can you expect anybody else will? Public discussion is an intellectual stamping mill, where the worthless quartz is crushed and the pure gold set free. It is much easier to find a score of men wise enough to discover the truth than to find one intrepid enough, in the face of opposition, to stand up against it. Great talent for conversation should be attended with great politeness. He who eclipses others, owes them great civili ties; nd whatever a mistaken vanity may tell us, it is better to please in con versation than to shine in it. ft is of the essence of resource that it usually lies dormant, and often unsus pected, until necessity awakens it. It is a draft payible on demand, the very de mand being essential to create the assets. In a yord, it needs the "power of the moment" to evoke the "power of the man." The supreme gifts of the gods can neither be discussed nor deserved. Be lieve in happiness; expect it; make room for it in your life! Have faith! Faith moves mountains. And happiness is of the swift-footed immortals, and descends only on the garlanded altars of her wor shipers. Intelligence and energy and conscien tiousness, all united, can never evolve true justice if sympathy be absent from the heart. This is no merely abstract and unpractical Idea. It lies at the root of moral education and self-culture, for it declares that just conduct depends upon right feelings, and cannot be de veloped without them. To feel with and for others what a glorious widening out and enriching of one's life that is 1 How it increases our joys because of the pleasure that we take in tjie joys of others! How it renders selfish brooding over our own woes im possible because of the sympathy we must give to the sorrows of others ! Not generosity only, not kind-heartedness only, nor courtesy, nor unselfishness, nor keen perception, nor quick understand ingit is all these and more than these. We should never estimate the sound ness of principles by our own ability to aeiena tnem, or consider an objection as unanswerable to which we can find no reply. It is an absurd self-confidence. especially in a young person, to abandon His principles as soon as ne may nnd him- sen worsted in argument. There is no defence against flippant sophistry so ef fectual as an intelligent modesty. In deed genuine firmness of mind consists greatly in an habitual recollection of our own moderate powers and acquirements. Methods of Chinese Doctors. The employment of acupuncture and cauterization Dy ciunese doctors forms the subject of an article in one of the last numbers of the North China Her ld. A native public writer not lonf? since claimed that a skillful physician in this department of medicine could cure such diseases as imbecility, fits, cholera, etc. The principle of cauterization is simply that of couuter-irritation, and the Eng lish writer bears personal testimony to its efficacy in the case of a slight sun stroke, although the operator was a sim ple Manchti peasant and instrument a couple of copper coins. Very extraor dinary cures are attributed to acupunc ture by the Chiuese. It is first performed in the hollow of the elbow of each arm. If the puncture draws blood there is no danger, but if no blood appears the case is regarded as very grave. But before abandoning the sufferer puncture of the abdomen is tried. Seizing a handful of flesh, the operator drive: .he needle right through it, and then draws it backward and forward a few times. If the patient manifests any sense of pain, or if any blood is drawn, a poultice of eggs and' buckwheat flour is npplied over the punci' ture, and recovery is regarded as almost certain; but if no pain is felt and no; blood flows the case is declared hopeless, and the sufferer is left to die. The case is theu quoted of a young Chinese, edu cated abroad, who was attacked with cholera; his extremities became cold, and cramp set in in a somewhat alarming manner. The barber surgeon who was called in commenced by running a needle into the pit of the patient's stomach, a jet of very dark blood following; he then punctured the calf, the two breasts, and the forehead of the sufferer, freeing a certain quantity of blood each prick. The relief is said to be instantaneous, and in two days recovery was complete. The Chinese explanation of this treat ment is that, when the blood is in the poisoned condition which induces the choleraic symptoms, it becomes thick, and accumulates in certain portions of the bedy. A clever surireon knows ex actly how to put his finger on the par ticular spots, ana, uy skiniully " open ing the mouth of the heart," as the cperation is called, sets free the poisoned fluid which causes all the mischief. It is noteworthy that faith in the eilicacv of this mode of treatment is not confined to the masses, but is shared by Chinese who have been abroad and have had am ple experience of western medical prac tice. future. In the United States there are 67,000 paupers. These are paupers in almshouses. SELECT SIFTINGS. The first attempts to introduce gas as an illuminator in the United States were made in Baltimore, between 1810 and 1820. They failed, but it was success fully introduced into Boston in 1822. The Giant's Castle is a famous struct ure on the summit of a mountain near Cassel, Germany. On the top of the castle is a pyramid ninety-six feet high, supporting a statue of Hercules (a copy of the Farnese) thirty-one feet in height. This castle includes a system of water works connected with the grounds of Wilhelmshohe, which is, perhaps, un equaled. The fountain supplied by these water-works rises in a column twelve inches in diameter to the height of 190 feet. The harmonica is the name of a musi cal instrument, invented by Benjamin Franklin. There are but - very few peo ple who know that Franklin ever in vented a musical instrument, but such is a fact. It consisted of a number of globular glasses set in a revolving mo tion on their center, and while they were in motion their rims were touched with the operator's finger, when a soft and beautiful sound was produced. A young lady by the name of Miss Davis became a perfect performer on the har monica, and appeared in Europe and throughout America in 1763. No im provement has ever been made on the harmonica, and it has sunk into oblivion, while the mouth-organ has robbed it of its name. - All the care of the Dutch has not pre served the islands of Zeeland. Three centuries ago Schouyven was entirely submerged, and every living creature was drowned. Soon aftet, Noordt Be vela'ad was submerged and remained for several years entirely under water, only the points of the church spires being vis ible. Zuid Beveland had been sub merged in the fourteenth century. Wal cheren was submerged as late as 1808. and Tholen even in 1825. It has been aptly asserted that the sea to the inhab itants of Holland is what the Vesuvius is to Terre del Greco. De Amicis t ays that the Dutch have three enemies the sea, the lakes, and the rivers ; they repel the sea, they dry the lakes, and they impris on the rivers; but with the sea it is a combat which never ceases. Throughout the western isles of Scot land timber is a rare and precious article, most frequently the gift of the ocean. A good log of driftwood is a prize. It may have been a tree, tempest-torn from its home, tossed by the waves and waft ed to and fro by many a current ere it drifted to these far isles, or it may be the masts of some wrecked vessels, whatever its story it is treasure-trove, nnd though encrusted with barnacles or riddled by pholades it can be turned to account. The large timbers become rafters, pre cious heir-looms, for a young couple can not, wea tin iney nave accumulated enough to support their thatch, and should they have occasion to "flit," the only part of their bothy that commands any pecuniary compensation is the roof, not the work only, but also the heavy thatch saturated with thick, greasy peat reek (in other words with a thick coat ing of soot;, which forms a valuable manure. Pleasant People. Companionable people are those who have a knack of making light of their tribulations and vexations,and a habit ot putting them out of sight; who do not entertain their acquaintances with the recital of a leaky pipe, a bad baking, the children's measles, the shortcomings of the servants: who know how to keep their melancholy, if they have any, out of the conversation; whose nerves do not furnish them with material for a morning call; who are not always on the lookout for a draught, or a change of weather, or a slight; who do not lament their poverty aloud, and make us feel responsible for it aud uncomfortable amidst our plenty. The compuuiouable people never seek to make us i' sutitied with ourselves or our btlonrjinij: thev talk about the things we like :o hear and are sileat upon the subjects on which we disagree; thev do not differ from us for the sake of diflering, aud do not announce their opinions as if there were no appeal therefrom. A Watch Made or Straw. A piece of work of unparalleled patience and integrity is reported from Karthaus, in Bohemia, the wonderful workman be ing a youth in durance for five years for theft. He has turned his enforced leisure to use and manufactured a straw watch five centimetres in diameter by two in thickness. The works comprise a few bits of straw, some cotton, two needles and a pin, a small piece of paper form ing the dial. It is said to go for six hours, and could be made to go twelve with a few improvemeoits. Duplicate ( Hies. There are in the United States 4 Phil adelphias aud 8 Pittsburgs, while the re cord of other cities is as follows: Brook lyus 18, Bostons 11, Baltimore 5, Buf falos 16. Burlingtons 17, Charlestons 17, Chicagocs 4, Cincinnati. 8, Cleveland 10, Columbus 19, Dayton 25, Detroits 5, Indianapolis 2. Louisvilles 5, Lowells 15, Memphis 8, Milwaukee 3, Nashville 14, Omahas 5, Portlands 24, Quincy 25, Richmond 22, Springfield 25, St. Jo sephs 15, St. Louis 4, St. Pauls 12, To ledo 6, Washington ;i0, Wilmington' 13, and Williamsburgs 28. A "'aelhurst, Miss., man has started a new industry. lie ships toads to Louisville florists, who use them to rid their plants of insects. It is sard they do it very effectually. The tion of abroad. absolutely defenseless condi all our coast is well known THE LAND OF CRSAMS. Oh, land of dream I Ob, beautiful land which ! borders the unknown shore ! Whose realms are filled with the loved and i lost, whom we meet oa earth no morel i Land where the weary and worn may rest ; ! where the king and the serf lie down ; ! Where the serf may walk in realms as fair as he who weareth the crown. With the loving and loved of our youth we wander by golden streams ; We reck not of care, of wealth or loss, in that beautiful land of dreams. The maid whom we loved in halcyon days, whose bed lies under the snow. Flits back and forth in the land of dreams with the beauty of "long ago Her bright eyes shine with the sparkling glance of the olden happy days And our hearts again renew their youth 'neath the radiance of her gaze. We live whole years of joy at once as the sunlight on us gleams, Whole years of joy that have no night, In the beautiful land of dreams. The love, the hopes and the knowledge rast that we yearn for in waking hours We gather in when we enter there as the earth drinks in the showers ; We climb the hills of the unknown land the land by no mortal trod Behold the palace wherein our home, whose i builder and maker is God I And brightly its walls of jasper shine as the sunlight on it gleams ; Its gates of gems and its streets of gold that we see in the land of dreams. Oh, land of dreams 1 Oh, mystical land I be tween the known and unknown, There reigns no king iu thy vast domain, each dream is king alone. He knoweth naught of the mystic realm, cares not where its confines end ; He asketh not, for upon its shores he meeteth his long-lost friend I Oh, land of dreams ! Ob,beautif ul land, where the sunlight ever gleams I May we enter the unknown land named 'leaven from the beautiful land of dreams. HUM OB OF THE DAT. Letters of acceptance Y'-e-s. By the weigh The man at the scales. The fall overcoat belongs to the clothes of the year. Love's labor lost Casting sly glances at a blind man. Motto for the coat of arms of a wealthy fruit preserver "I can." "When I'm waiting for James, a min ute seems an hour; when he is with me, an. hour seems but a minute." The young lady who was blamed for allowing her glove to be discovered in a young man's pocket stated that she had no hand in it. "Would that I might end this exis tence," sighs a poet. This is not the first time a poet has been in entire ac cord with his readers. Boston Times. "Yes, judge," said the prisoner, "I admit that the back of my trousers was tangled in the dog's teeth, and that I dragged the animal away, but if you call that stealing a dog, no man on earth is safe from committing crime." " How do you dare eat so many onions? " asked Gimlet of Auger. "I don't care how many I eat," he replied. "My wife is a long way off. She is in Buffalo." " Yes, but 500 miles isn't very far for an onion." Graphic. A Louisville man has turned out some sort of an electrical invention, by which a man can ue in ueu ana nsn. there is no demand ir such a contraption, for anybody knows that a man who will fish can lie anywhere. Mtrehant-Tratelcr. Some of our exchanges seem to think that the transmission of a message from Melbourne to London, a distance of 13, 808 miles, in 23 minutes the most re markable telegraphic feat on record, but it is evident that none of them have ever seen a messenger boy run. Bonten Pott. "I've just found out why lightning never strikes twic e iu the same place," said farmer Furrow to the deacon as they stood under a tree during a thunder storm. "Why is it?" said the deacon. "Iiecause, sir, the same place is never there after the lightning once hits it." JVene York Journal. There is a young lady who lives next door to Blogg's house, and while Blogg had company the other evening she was heard in her endeavors to extort musio from a piano. "Our neighbor's daughter is a very good player," remarked Hlogg, affably, during a pause in the conversa tion. "Her time is a little slow," was the critical response of Blogg's caller, who happened to be a connoisseur in music. "VeS," said Blogg, " her young man is there, and very likely she has set the clock back." ImwHI citizen. David Davis on Fat Men. Ex-Senator David Davis the other day said: "I feel very well, though some of my friends are a little alarmed at my rapid loss of flesh. Some persons do not like to tell their age or their weight, but I weighed three years ago more than 300 pounds, and when I was last weighed, not many wee ks ago, 1 weighed but 241 pounds." Said I: "Judge, your sicgea in an arm-chair, listening to law cases, probably made you fat." "No," said the judge; "I inherited a large body. Flesh is natural to me. When 1 went to Illiuoi I made up my mind I would neither drink nor gamble, consequently I have survived a small host of men proba bly better entitled to livo than myself. I di 1 not smoke a ciuar until I was pretty well advanced in life indeed, only a few years ago. Perhaps my loss of flesh ij attributable to my stopping smoking, which 1 did for some time. I prefer a pip," said the judge, "to a cigar. The kind of tobacco I smoke cost about $.'a pound, "d is made about Lynchburg. I canr-vr 1 x'-e Turkish tobacco at all -Moo.1 1 : 1 i -
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers