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TOL.IYII NO. 12.
TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, JULY 2, 1884,
$1,50 PER ANNUM.
5 ' f
IP WE HAD BUT A DAY.
Ve Should fill (hi hoar with sweetest thlngs(
If we had but a day;
We should drink alone at tlio purest springs
In our upward way;
We shou'd love with a lifetime's love in an
hour,
If tlio hours wore fow;
We should rest, rot for dreams, but for
fresh or powor
To be and to do.
We should guido' our wnyward or weary
wills
By the clonrost light;
We should keep our eyes on the heavenly
hills,
If they lay in sight;
We should trample the prido and the discon
tent Beneath our foet;
We should take whatever a good Gol tent,
With a trust complete.
We should waste no moment In weak regret,
If the days were but one
If what we rememborcd and wo regret
Went out with the fun ;
We shoujd bo from our clamorous selves so
free i ,
To work or to pray,
And be what our Fattier would have us be,
If wo had but a day.
THE OLD TREE'S SECRET.
'Wo will tnke the house shall we not,
Charlie?" We had gone a'.l over the
roomy, old-fashioned house, my little
wifo and I, from the dusty, cobwebbed
gnrrct to the neglected cellars, and wo
oow stood together at thu bnck of the
garden, critically surveying its appear
ance. It was a low two-story house, built in
the shape of a T, with a cluster of tall
chimneys in tho middle and the three
gables hidden in ivy. It had once stood
quite out of the town, which had since
gradually crept toward it. until what had
Been a road was now becomo a Btreot of
straggling cottages and villas, extending
to tho high wall inclosing tho grounds.
Tho lawn was thnded with old trees, and
tho garden choked up with thickets of
lilac and snowball. The old lady, Mrs.
Gage, who had for forty years resided
hero, leading a very secluded and invalid
life, had taken no pains to keep the place
in order, nnd sho and tho property had
decayed together, until recently sho had
died, and the house was for sale.
"It looks dreadfully gloomy and neg
lected," said Cede, gazing up ut tlio
back windows. "Mrs. Moss, next door,
. says that for twenty years no one has
occupied those upper rooms; and seo
how the ivy has bound together those
shutters on the left. Hut it is a beauti
ful old house, and I know that we can
make it bright and cheerful. And then
tho garden what a delight it will bo to
tho children, and to ourselves, too. Wo
will take it, won't we, Charlie?''
Thcro was no resisting her pleading,
coaxing manner. So that very evening
I went to see tho agent, nnd before the
. week had elapsed the house was ours.
With what zeal and enjoyment we en
tered upon tho transformation of our
new abode. The masses of ivy were torn
down from the gables or judiciously
trimmed; every door and window was
thrown wide to the fresh air and sun
light; and paint und paper, muslin cur
tains, and bright carpets and India mat
ting made the house delightful to be
hold. This much accomplished, we turned
our attention to tho garden. It was al
ready June, and the season too advanced
for much improvement; but we pulled
down tho rotted arbors, thinned out the
thickets of roses and lilacs, and I caused
little round tablo and some rustic gar
denKfats to be placed under an old tree
at the further end of the central walk.
Here, on returning from :ny ollico on tho
warm, sunny evenings, wo would sit
Cecio engaged with some light stitching,
and I with cigar, books and papers, read
lug to her, while our little ones ran wild
Up and down the garden walks.
"This is thoroughly delightful," I
remarked, one evening. "How is it,
Cecie, that we have managed to live
eight years of housekeeping life without
a garden?"
"Yes," sho answered, radiantly, "it
Is delightful. Living so much in the
open air one seems to take a new and
fresh growth, like the flowers. Only "
and here she glanced uneasily around
"Only, Charlie, I think I fancy that
this is not exactly tho spot for our al
fresco boudoir."
"Why not? It faces tho walk, it com
mands a view of tho hou.so and tho
whole garden. And theso branches
hanging so low and clothed in ivy, make
a nice canopy above us. What is it that
you object to?
"I scarcely know. But somehow I
have never liked this tree."
It was a very old tree under which we
sat, with a huge gnarled trunk growing
in a sloping position near tho garden
wall, and covered with ivy. About eight
feet from the ground the trunk separated
into three branches, and here the ivy had
matted itself in an impervious mass, con
cealing the decayed branches with tho
exception of the extremities, which here
and there protruded from the green mass,
white and bare.
"They look like skeleton fingers,"
6aid Cecie, glancing up, "and it gives
me the honors. I think tho tree ought
to bo cut down. It always reminds mo
of a graveyard or a haunted house."
I did not at the lime pay much atten
tion to her remarks. But some days
after she again suggested that our gar
den table uud chairs should he removed
to some other spot.
"1 don't know why it is," she said,
uneasily, "but I always feel nervous
here. I fancy there is something pecu
culiar about the place in the rustling of
the ivy and in the very atmosphere; I
often tind myself starting and looking
around with a vague sense of something
horriblo. I hate the sight of that tree,
with its distorted shape and bare skeleton
arms."
I rallied her upon being fanciful, but
promised that tho ','skeloton arms" of
which sho complained should be cut off.
She sat silent lor a moment, then saia,
seriously:
"Charlie, did it ever occur to you tnat
certain objects in nature- trees, for in
stance may have an individual life of
their own? I don't mean tho mere vege
table life, but a sort of mysterious spirit
ual existence. Now, I can't help fancy
ing that this tree is conscious of what is
going on beneath it that it remembers
things which it has witnessed in its long
life, and, were it able, could tell us somo
horrible ghastly story of the past. You
may laugh, but I assure you that I never
sit under this tree, even on a sunny noon
day, without feeling a chill creeping over
mc, and a Bcnso of something mysterious
and horrible, which makes mo almost
afraid."
. "Of course,"-1 said; "having once im
agined that tho dead branches resemble
'skeleton arms,' and associated them in
your own mind with the idea of a crave
yard, you will bo haunted with all sorts
of dismal thoughts and fancies in con
nection with the tree. But since you
don't like it, Cecio, I will have this bug
bear removed, and we will build a pretty
summer-house on tho spot. I will speak
to the men to-morrow, when they come
to take down the wail."
The portion of the wall to which I al-
j hided separated our garden from that of
our next door neignoor. it was 01 stone,
but the mortar had fallen out and left it
little more than a pile of loose stones,
which I feared might at any moment
topplo down on the children, as they
plaved about it. So I concluded to have
it pulled down, and a light wooden pal
iucr placed in its stead.
Over there, in the next houso, lived an
old gentlemen and his wife, who passed
much of their time in their garden, cut
tivating flowers and small garden fruits,
in which they appeared to take great ae
light. They had called on us, a cheerful
and kindly old couple; and when the old
wall was pulled down and before the new
one was tin, tho way lay open to a more
familiar intercourse.
Ono evening, by their invitation, wo
stepped over iuto their garden to see a
collection ot roses upon wnicn air. yv ar
ren prided himself. These duly admired,
tho old lady expressed to Cecio her pleas
ure in having neighbors who were neigh
bors. She had lived ten years in their
present abode, and in that time had only
twice seen JUrs. uagei
"She wasn't always such a recluse,"
said the good lady. "I remember that
when she and her husband first came
hero, a young married couple (I was a
child then), they were merry, gay and
fond of society. It was their daughter's
fate which so sadly changed them. You
have heard the story ?"
Wo had not been long in this town
yet Cecie remembered to have heard
something about a daughter of Mrs. Gage
running away to join a lover at a dis
tance, and being never afterward heard
of.
"Her name was Emily," said Mrs.
Warren, "and Bhe was the handsomest
girl in the town. She was an only child,
and had been all her life petted and in
dulged, and allowed to have her own
way. Such children don't generally turn
out ns well as tucy should do; and Emily
Gage rejected many good offers, to fall
in love with a handsome and dissipated
fellow, who made his appearance here
for a short time. Being unable to give a
satisfactory account of himself, Mr. Gage
forbado his visiting his daughter, and
ttie two then agreed upon an elopement.
This was put a stop to, and the young
man shortly afterward left the place.
The girl, however, was closely watched,
the parents having causo to suspect that
she was in secret correspondence with
him. And one morning she was no
where to bo found only a note slipped
under the door of her parents' sleepiug-
room informed them that stie had gone
to join lier lover that sho had
taken with Her all her jewelry to
gether with live hundred dollars, which
her father had left in his writing-desk;
since slio would need money for traveling
and other expenses. And that was tho
last that they ever knew about her."
"But could they not find the young
man ?" asked Cecio.
"They found him, after a long search,
but he denied all knowledge of Emily
and her intended flight. They had cor
responded, and she had assurrcd him
that she would yet find means to join
him, but her letters had then ceased, nor
had he ever since heard trotn her. This
was his story. Some believed it, but
others, though nothing could ever be
proven against him, had dark sus'picions
of him. And the strangest thing was,
that, having once passed the garden wall,
every trace of the girl was utterly lost."
"Tho garden wall ?"
"I forgot to meutionthat it was in that
manner sho escaped. She mounted the
sloping trunk of the old tree at the foot
of the garden walk the same under
which you so often sit and then stepped
along its horizontal branches to tho top
of the wall. This was rendered evident
by the broken twigs and scattered leaves
at the foot of the tree. On the ground
outside tho wall was found her shawl,
which she had doubtless dropped or for
gotten in her haste. That was all. To
this day the mystery of her fate remains
unrevealed, though undoubtedly there
was foul play somewhere. The jewels
and the money were great temptations
to crime. "
That evening my wife said to me :
" That horrible tree. Charlie! Did I
tell you that it had a secret to reveal?
l'crhups it knows what became of tat
poor girl."
Net day Cecie went on a visit of a
few days to her mother, taking the chil
dren with her. Before going to my
business I gave orders respecting the 1
tree." I wished every trace of it to be
removed before her return, when perhaps
she would forget all about it and its
gloomy associations.
Returning home in the evening, i was
met by the workmen with countenance
of interest and mystery. Ihcir mior
mation startled me. While busied in
cutting down the tree, they had heard
something rattle and fidl witWin; nnd on
examination discovered within the bones
of a skeleton, though whether human or
not they could not tell. Communicating
the fact to Mr. Warren, who was in nis
garden, they had by his advice desisted
until my arrival.
I went to the Bot, and with tne men
and Mr. Warren examined the tree.
Though the opening already made the
bones were clearly to be distinguished;
nnd I directed that the trunk should at
once be felled. When this was done
there was exposed a hollow stump, in
which lay a mass of human bones, with
remains of a woman's dress; and beneath
theso and the decayed wood and dust
which had gathered over them gleamed
the lustre of jewels and gold and silver
coin.
I looked at Mr. Warren, who, white
as death, had staggara to a garden
bench.
My God 1" he exclaimed. " It Is
Emilvl"
Yes, it was Emily. Of this there
could be no doubt. The tree had long
held its fearful secret, and was still un
ablo to revcnl it. It had given up
Emily's skeleton, but how came the poor
girl to bo immured within this living
tomb?
Further examination, however, re
vealed the whole horrible truth.
"I see how it all was," my old neigh
bor said, in a broken and faltering voice,
"Sho had thrown her shawl over the
wall that it might not be in her way,
and then mounted the tree to where the
three great branches meet; and there,
hidden by the masses of ivy, lay the
fatal trap. Through that great holo sho
slipped, and the ivy closed over her in
her living tomb."
He shuddered, and the tears gushed
into his eyes.
We neither of us expressed tho thoughts
which chilled and moved our hearts to
pitying horror. Had her death been
sudden, or had she here slowly starved
and pined to death ? Her cries could
not have been heard, for the house stood
apart, and her parents had left home and
gone in pursuit of her. I thought of
Cecie's strange fancy concerning the old
tree, and lost myself in vague conjectures
as to the nature of those mysterious in
fluences which sometimes affect our
human perceptions, how or whence we
may not know.
This was the secret which the old tree
so long held. And I may add that to
this day Cecie knows nothing of it; for.
besido the clergyman who gave Christian
burial to the remains of the poor girl,
no one but ourselves, who made the dis
covery, ever knew the secret. We
thought it best that it should be so.
- But I observed that Cecie never after
complained of the uneasy influence which
had before so annoyed her. With tho
removal of the tree and the burial of the
bones, nature resumed her bright and
joyous sway in the old garden. Susan
A. news.
Making Pearl Buttons.
The Springfield (Mass.) Iiepublican says
that a company in that city which makes
pearl buttons is unique among New Eng
land button-making industries in that it
uses only simple machinery, depending
mainly on the trained hands nnd eyes of
its twenty-live or thirty workmen for the
perfection of its products. The marine
shells from which the mother-of-pearl is
obtained shells of the pintadina variety,
coming from the East and West Indies,
California, and, in fact, all quarters of tho
world are taken as they come packed,
are rinsed in water, and are then ready
for turning. The shell is made up of
the mother-of-pearl inside, this being of
a creamy or varied coloring nnd a thinner
outer layer of a bony texture. The shell
is pierced through a number of times by
a hollow boring tool, fitted to a common
lathe, some dozen of small discs being
the result. Each disc then goes through
three or four or sometimes a half dozen
more operations at the hands of the men
standing in a line at one work-bench,
each having a lathe and a three
cornered file, sharpened to suit his
work. The bony" part is cut from
the disc and the button shape given
it while revolved by the lathe against
the sharp steel held in tho workman's
hand, no gauge being used. Some of the
buttons are grooved with a few lines on
the face, and a few holes are punched in
each. Part of the buttons are subjected
to a mysterious coloring operation in a
revolving box, but the best grades aro
finished in the natural colors. The pol
ishing is mainly done by hand. The
whole process is very quick, and the
method has the great advantage of being
immediately adapted to any stylo of but
ton desired, no change in machinery
being required, but merely a fresh ad
justment of flesh and blood. All sizes
of ordinary buttons are turned out, as
well as some "codur buttons," though no
fancy articles are made. Tho light-colored
material is the most valuable. Fifty
cents a pound is paid for the rough shells,
and the buttons are worth from one to
seven or eight cents each. Tho store
room contains many bushels of these
valuable little things, ready for the fin
ishing touches to fill orders. The use of
pearl buttons has been confined mainly
to men's clothing for five or six years,
but the fashion is thought to be tending
toward u more general use of them by
women. The company has been gradually
increasing its force lor some months. The
workmen aro mostly imported from
Pennsylvania, and have served a long
apprenticeship. They are paid by the
piece, and the better workers make about
$3 a day, others averaging as low as f 3.
MOMENTS FOR MERRIMENT.
TOKXX.S THAT WILL SKITS DULL
CABS AW AT.
Neftreat l.o Over the Fenre Hire 1
Help Too Tong-h New Cent and a
quarter Pieces.
A gentleman bought a newspaper and
tendered in payment a piece of forty
sous.
The newspaper woman " I haven't
the change ; you can pay me as you pass
along to-morrow."
The gentleman" But suppose! I
should be killed to-day?"
The newspaper woman "Oh, it
wouldn't boa verv great loss I" Paris
Wit.
Over the Fence.
Mrs. Slingonin put her head over the
fence and thus addressed her neighbor,
who was hanging out her week's wash
ing:
"A family has moved in the empty
house across the way, Mrs. Clothes-line."
"Yes, I know."
"Did you notice their furniture?"
"Not particularly."
"Two loads, and I wouldn't give a dol
lar a load for it. Carpets ! I wouldn't
put them down in my kitchen. And the
children I I won't allow mine to associ
ate with them. And the mother 1 She
looks as though she had never known a
day's happiness. The father drinks, I ex
pect. Too bad that such peoplo should
come into this neighborhood. I wonder
who they are."
"I know them."
"Do you? Well, I declare. Who are
they?"
"The mother is my sister, and the father
is superintendent of the Methodist Sunday-school."
A painful pause ensues.
Hired Help.
Mrs. Jooblewizzle had hired a new and
a very green errand boy, and she sent
him w ith a basket and tho money to get
some groceries. When he came back he
did not report, and she called downstairs
to him :
"John, did you get the cabbage?"
"That's wot you tole me to git," he
answered, with a lazy drawl.
"Did you get the potatoes?"
"That's wot you tole mo to git."
"Did you get the starch? '
"That's wot you tole me to git."
'Did you get the soap?"
"That's wot you tole me to git."
"Did you get the sugar?"
"That's what you tole me to git."
"I know that," she shrieked, after the
same monotonous reply floated up to her
for tho fifth time, "but did you get
them?"
"No, ma'am, I lost the money, and
some dang thief uv a boy stole the basket.
Merchant- Traveler,
New Cent and a Quarter Piece.
Scene Park Row.
Dramatis Personae A bootblack and
newsboy.
Bootblack (with great unction) Say,
chummy, did you see any of the new
cent and a quarter pieces?
Newsboy (with vehement surprise)
See what?
Bootblack (with great deliberation) .
See any of the new cent and a quarter
pieces.
Newsboy (with evident sympathy)
Been out all night?
Bootblack (with fervid anger) No, I
ain't been out all night. I'll bet you a
banana I can show you one of the cent
and a quarter pieces.
Newsboy (with lofty scorn) I don't
want no banana, but I'll buy a whole
bunch for you if you show me tho cent
and a quarter.
There was a wicked look on tho boot
black's face as he went down in his
pocket. Then he retreated a step or two
and took out a cent and a quarter of a
dollar. "There s the cent and a quarter
pieces." he said as he sloped away, "and
I'll take the banana some other time."
Neio York American Queen.
Toe Tough.
Late one evening recently a New York
goat of tho William persuasion and ten
der years, though robust stomncn, re
turned to the basom of the family with
an expression of pain upon his counte
nance and a suspicious contortion about
the stomach.
" Oh, my son," said tho grave and
reverend sire, "you aro ailing you have
eaten something indigestible. What is
it ?"
"I know not, father." returned young
William. " All I have lunched on this
evening was a few circus posters on
bill board around the corner."
"It is as I thought, my son," wisely
nodded tho old stager. "You have
swallowed one or two of those stories
concerning tho white elephant. 1 saw
them myself, my son, and decided not to
go them. They looked too tough for
even my muscular gastric juice. But
here is a choice assortment of tin cans
and old shoes. Eat a few of these and
by the time they mix with the circus bill
in vour stomach I think the kinks will
be pretty effectually removed. You can
not be too careful about eating what you
find on tho bill boards these times.
Blizzard.
A Too W 11 II n if Young Man.
"Do you love mo as dearly as men have
ever loved women?" said Mabel, finding
an easy anchorage for her cheek about
the latitude of his upper vest pocket and
the longitude of his left siiseuder.
"More," saiii George, with waning en
thusiasm, for this was about the two hun
dred and fourteenth eucore to which he
had responded since 8 o'clock. "More,
far more dearly. Oh, ever so much
more."
"Would you," she went on, and there
was a tremulous iiupressiveness in her
voice that warned the young man that
the star was going to leave her lines and 1
spring something new on the house 1
"would you be willing to worK ana wan
for me, as Rachel waited at the well,
seven long years?"
"Seven 1" he cried, in a burst of gen
uine devotion. "Seven! Aye, gladly 1
Yes, and morel Even until seventy times
seven ! Let's make it seventy, anyhow,
and prove my devotion."
Somehow or other he was alone when
he left tho parlor a few minutes later,
and it looks now as though he would hav
to wait about 700 years before he saves
fuel by toasting h's shins at the low-down
gate in the parlor again. There are men,
my son, who always overdo the thing;
they want to be meeker than Moses,
stronger than Sampson and ten times
more particular than Job, the printor;
that is, he isn't, but he used to Uz.
Ilawheye. -
Fish That Go Ashore.
An old fisherman took a scientific re
porter of the New York Sun to a pool on
Long Island, where they found numerous
little hshes (killies) resting partly out 01
o t or wifK tViotr rinorla Tiiflrh nnrl rlrv linnfl
blades of grass. The ol(I man also spun
a yarn about some largo fishes that ho had
seen hopping along on the banks of a rivet
in the Malay country. These fishes were
recognized from the fisherman's descrip
tion by the man of science, whothen took
his turn at telling fish stories as follows
' 'The fish is only one of a dozen or twenty
that are more or less amphibious. When
the Ceradotus is under water it breathes
by the gills, but it has a habit of leaving
the water and prowling around on the
marshes of the Mary river. As soon as it
leaves the water the gas in the air blad
der is expelled with a noise that can be
heard half a mile. The fish takes in air
at the mouth or nostril that passes into
the air bladder, to which the heart is now
pumping blood to be purified, instead of
sending it to the gills.
"The Ceradotus, which may be called a
dry land fish, is over six feet long, and
looks like a great eel with two pairs
of fins that compare with feet, and tho
most curious part of it is that previous to
1870 the fish was unknown, except as a
fossil. These fossil remains were described
years ago by Professor Owen as the Cera
dotus. Strange stories came from the Mary
river of loud noises that were heard in the
swamps at night, and the crushing and
rushing as of some huge animal. At last
these rumors attracted the attention of a
naturalist, who went to the locality, and
the discovery of the fash was the result.
They live on leaves and vegetable matter
that they obtain partly out of water, and
they ore the Jast of a powerful race that
is probably doomed to extinction.
" The killies are not the only nsnes
that leave the water. Last year I spent
some weeks near a small fishing village
where there was a large eel pond, and to
say that it was alive with these animals
is putting it extremely mild. Some au
thorities say that the eel goes down to
the sea only once a year, but these fel
lows went out to sea every night, com
pletely filling the little channel so that in
wading across you stepped on Hundreds
that writhed about your feet and legs.
If there happened to be a dory or other
boat about that blocked the way,tho eels
left the water and wriggled away over
land, presenting a curious sight, and
moving with such rapidity that it was an
impossibility to catch them. I thought
it might be accidental, and inquired of
the hshermen how it was, ana ono tola
me that several years before the entrance
to the pond became clogged bv sand
after a storm, and the eels, finding no
way of getting out, started across the
sand every night, forming passageways
by which they returned.
"In England, when a pike pond gets
too low to suit its occupants, they, ac
cording to Couch, start overland in regu
lar droves, and travel until they reach
some place better suited to their require
ments. This is true of a largo number of
fishes that are peculiar to the East and to
South America. In the latter country the
catfishes known Doras aud Hussars, when
left in drying pools, travel overland in
droves, and are caught in great num
bers by birds and various ani
mals as well as men. Fishes of
another genera, from North America,
have been found far from water. Per
haps the most curious is the Protopterus,
some being found in Africa as well.
They also breathe by tho air bladder
when deprived of water, but instead of
migrating overland they descend into
tho mud and encase themselves into a
ball, the interior of which is lined with
a slimy secretion, and thus closed up, as
it were, they lie until tho rainy season
comes again, and they are soaked out.
In certain parts of Africa barren wastes
have suddenly become flooded, and tho
sudden appearance of fishes has given
rise to ideas of spontaneous generation,
as the enormous quantities of tishes could
not bo explained on any other hypothesis
unless they had rained down. Daldorf,
the Danish naturalist, caught an anatas,
a perch like fish climbing a palm, work
ing its way up by its sharp tins. Hence,
these fish are called climbing perch. They
don't climb usually, but they are perfect
ly amphibious, like a frog.
"As a matter of course, these fishes
have been experimented upon. An Eng
lish naturalist put a blenny in an aquar
ium, and at certain times noticed that tho
fish tried to jump out of water. To see
what it would do, he set a stone in the
water that formed a little islund, and in
a moment the blenny jumped upon it,
high and dry out of water. The experi
mentalist noticed that it was then low
tide on the bench, and every day at ex
actly low tide tho fish jumped out upon
the rock, and returned to the water at
flood tide. It is reniarkablo that tho
fish should leave the water, but how
much mure so th:it it should in a house
and tank know the turu of tho tide."
A chants acquaintance an introduc
tion to a pretty member of the choir.
ILirtford Journal.
THE DEFENDER.
Care came and laid his hand upon ner
shoulder,
And Sorrow came, hor lids with salt tears
wet;
And Tain, with featurw marred, and white
and set,
Frefsid to her side; and then, stern-visaged.
enunt.
Frightening her shaVen soul, unpitying Want
Stared in her fees; and thn, grewtag
holder
By all these ills, Temptation, smiling, fair,
Bpread f r her weary feet a charmed snare,
With tender, cruel hand. Bo cold tbs wrla;
AU her weak soul in a ; stTango tempest
whirled,
With whitened Hps, and sad, imploring
breath,
?he stretches out her helpless hand to Death.
It en lol ono came, before whees radiant
grac3
Borrow grew dumb, and grim Care hid his
face;
Before who presence as radiant as t'
day,
Temptition, vexed and beaten, flei away;
For whoe dear sake she trembled at the
thought
Of Death, whose pallid kiss she vain bad
sought.
With a strange rapture, holy, reatful, sweet.
Against her own she felt a true heart beaK
Oh, Life! she cried, no HI of thine can hold
me,
Since Love, the mighty, in his arms doth
fold me.
Charlotte Perry, in Vanity Fair.
HUMOR OF THE DAT.
The most courted belle The dinner
bclL
The Egyptian injunction "Mummy's
the word."
The hen that thinks a woman throws
shoo's at her for good luck is very much
mistaken. Bradford Mail.
Hospitality. "Do take some more of
the vegetables, Mr. Blood, for they go
to the pigs anyway. Harvard Lampoon.
"Another expedition to the pole,"
said the man, as he wended his way to
his barber shop. Cincinnati Saturday
NigU.
"Yes," she said, "I always obey my
husband, but I reckon I have something
to say about what his commands shall
be. " Boston Post.
My lovo and I for kisses played
And it did chance to be
The darling girl won all the stakes
And gave them all to me.
Salttn Sunbeam.
' The garden season is here, and the
jusband of the - woman - who - throws-stones-at-the-hens
is getting himself into
a position to dodge. liraajora bunaay
Mail.
Lady, to small boy with a dog John
ny, does that dog bark at night? Johnny,
who is a connoisseur in dogs No, ma'am,
be barks at cats and other dogs. ifur-chant-
Traviler.
Now is tho time when the small boy in
the country comes into the house with
his hair all wet nnd tells his mother that
he ran home from school so fast that he
is all perspired. Boston Post.
The price of Circassian girls hes lately
dropped to $000 tho lowest figure ever
known. All young men who have been
despising matrimony because wives are
so cheap can now purchase one for about
a year's salary, and be happy. Burling
ton Prie Press.
"I don't think I'm cranky," said a dud
ish young fellow, " but when I go out
with my dog, and hear a man whistle
and I look around, and ho says he was
whistling at the old dog and not the
puppy, 1 think it is time I was asserting
my rights. Merchant-Traveler.
"In Siberia you can purchase a wife
for eight dogs." As long as girls can be
had for the asking in this country, very
few of our young men will go to Siberia
to procure a wife. And ono who has
seen a Siberian wife will wonder why
they come so terribly high. Norristoien
Herald,
It is said that as late as the latter part
f tho thirteenth century, "the upper
classes in Europe ate whales for dinner."
It is not stated, but we should think one
whale would not only mako a dianor for
the largest family in Europe, but there
would bo enough left over to warm up
j for next morning's urea nasi. karris-
toten Herald.
A messenger boy recently fell off the
roof of a very high buildiug up town,
but was not hurt ut all. It seems when
ho fell he was asleep, and the slowness
which characterizes hint when on life
and death errands didn't desert him.
In fact ho dropped to tho ground so
slowly and softly, that when he landed
he was not awakened, but went right
on dreaming until a policeiuau aroused
him. Puek.
r- - -
The Llevator.
ij person that first put an elevator
into a high structure, so as to save pas
attugcrs the labor of walking up many
steps of stairs, little dreamed of the im
portant results that have followed the
adoption of that expedient. It has
practically revolutionized tho domestic
aud business architecture of large cities.
In New York there are literally hundreds
of high buildings accommodating thous
ands of jiersons. although the apartment
nnd ollico buildings are a thing of yester
day. In this cily there aro scores of
dwellings between 140 and ItiO feet iu
height. Ono house is over 180 feet high.
The lower part of N'ew York has a num
ber of enormous structures filled with
ollices luxuriously furnished. The oc
cupants of the upper floors prefer them
to those nearer the surface of the earth.
The air, they think, is purer, aud there
are fewer annoyances, while the elevator
is a swift and pleasant means of com
munication. Dimorett.