- '- ' "'1l I mil. II - - .. "THE FOREST REPUBLICAN It publU'i.d Try Wlnay, bf J. E. WENK. Offlos in SmearbauRh & Co. 'a Building ELM STREET, HONESTA, TA. RATES OF ADVERTISING. One Sqnnr, on Inch, on Inwrtlon $t to On (qure, on lnch,ona month i A Out Square, on Inch, thre month J On flqaer, on Ineb, on Ju Two Squar, on year 10 V II M -i.. f'nlnmfl. HIM YX. .. 10 M u tu. . - 0 i . ' r ' a 1 . . n Anl V AAF ...... ....... ......' W w I Terms), - . 1 1. CO per Year, Oil Colomn,on jr. ,.W0 i Legal ntk t eitsbllahed ret. MurrUg and dath notice (rati. AU bill for yearly a,TrtliTMt "'1JJ" teny. Temporary 4Trtlmnt mint b rU Im adtanc. Job werk-k eii allvry. Wo intMortpttnna rvealrad for thortor pr1 than tlir months. CorrnpondnM oIlelt4 from all part nf th country. No nolle will b ttkeu ef anon7iiaj communleaUon. TOL.IYII NO. 12. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, JULY 2, 1884, $1,50 PER ANNUM. 5 ' f IP WE HAD BUT A DAY. Ve Should fill (hi hoar with sweetest thlngs( If we had but a day; We should drink alone at tlio purest springs In our upward way; We shou'd love with a lifetime's love in an hour, If tlio hours wore fow; We should rest, rot for dreams, but for fresh or powor To be and to do. We should guido' our wnyward or weary wills By the clonrost light; We should keep our eyes on the heavenly hills, If they lay in sight; We should trample the prido and the discon tent Beneath our foet; We should take whatever a good Gol tent, With a trust complete. We should waste no moment In weak regret, If the days were but one If what we rememborcd and wo regret Went out with the fun ; We shoujd bo from our clamorous selves so free i , To work or to pray, And be what our Fattier would have us be, If wo had but a day. THE OLD TREE'S SECRET. 'Wo will tnke the house shall we not, Charlie?" We had gone a'.l over the roomy, old-fashioned house, my little wifo and I, from the dusty, cobwebbed gnrrct to the neglected cellars, and wo oow stood together at thu bnck of the garden, critically surveying its appear ance. It was a low two-story house, built in the shape of a T, with a cluster of tall chimneys in tho middle and the three gables hidden in ivy. It had once stood quite out of the town, which had since gradually crept toward it. until what had Been a road was now becomo a Btreot of straggling cottages and villas, extending to tho high wall inclosing tho grounds. Tho lawn was thnded with old trees, and tho garden choked up with thickets of lilac and snowball. The old lady, Mrs. Gage, who had for forty years resided hero, leading a very secluded and invalid life, had taken no pains to keep the place in order, nnd sho and tho property had decayed together, until recently sho had died, and the house was for sale. "It looks dreadfully gloomy and neg lected," said Cede, gazing up ut tlio back windows. "Mrs. Moss, next door, . says that for twenty years no one has occupied those upper rooms; and seo how the ivy has bound together those shutters on the left. Hut it is a beauti ful old house, and I know that we can make it bright and cheerful. And then tho garden what a delight it will bo to tho children, and to ourselves, too. Wo will take it, won't we, Charlie?'' Thcro was no resisting her pleading, coaxing manner. So that very evening I went to see tho agent, nnd before the . week had elapsed the house was ours. With what zeal and enjoyment we en tered upon tho transformation of our new abode. The masses of ivy were torn down from the gables or judiciously trimmed; every door and window was thrown wide to the fresh air and sun light; and paint und paper, muslin cur tains, and bright carpets and India mat ting made the house delightful to be hold. This much accomplished, we turned our attention to tho garden. It was al ready June, and the season too advanced for much improvement; but we pulled down tho rotted arbors, thinned out the thickets of roses and lilacs, and I caused little round tablo and some rustic gar denKfats to be placed under an old tree at the further end of the central walk. Here, on returning from :ny ollico on tho warm, sunny evenings, wo would sit Cecio engaged with some light stitching, and I with cigar, books and papers, read lug to her, while our little ones ran wild Up and down the garden walks. "This is thoroughly delightful," I remarked, one evening. "How is it, Cecie, that we have managed to live eight years of housekeeping life without a garden?" "Yes," sho answered, radiantly, "it Is delightful. Living so much in the open air one seems to take a new and fresh growth, like the flowers. Only " and here she glanced uneasily around "Only, Charlie, I think I fancy that this is not exactly tho spot for our al fresco boudoir." "Why not? It faces tho walk, it com mands a view of tho hou.so and tho whole garden. And theso branches hanging so low and clothed in ivy, make a nice canopy above us. What is it that you object to? "I scarcely know. But somehow I have never liked this tree." It was a very old tree under which we sat, with a huge gnarled trunk growing in a sloping position near tho garden wall, and covered with ivy. About eight feet from the ground the trunk separated into three branches, and here the ivy had matted itself in an impervious mass, con cealing the decayed branches with tho exception of the extremities, which here and there protruded from the green mass, white and bare. "They look like skeleton fingers," 6aid Cecie, glancing up, "and it gives me the honors. I think tho tree ought to bo cut down. It always reminds mo of a graveyard or a haunted house." I did not at the lime pay much atten tion to her remarks. But some days after she again suggested that our gar den table uud chairs should he removed to some other spot. "1 don't know why it is," she said, uneasily, "but I always feel nervous here. I fancy there is something pecu culiar about the place in the rustling of the ivy and in the very atmosphere; I often tind myself starting and looking around with a vague sense of something horriblo. I hate the sight of that tree, with its distorted shape and bare skeleton arms." I rallied her upon being fanciful, but promised that tho ','skeloton arms" of which sho complained should be cut off. She sat silent lor a moment, then saia, seriously: "Charlie, did it ever occur to you tnat certain objects in nature- trees, for in stance may have an individual life of their own? I don't mean tho mere vege table life, but a sort of mysterious spirit ual existence. Now, I can't help fancy ing that this tree is conscious of what is going on beneath it that it remembers things which it has witnessed in its long life, and, were it able, could tell us somo horrible ghastly story of the past. You may laugh, but I assure you that I never sit under this tree, even on a sunny noon day, without feeling a chill creeping over mc, and a Bcnso of something mysterious and horrible, which makes mo almost afraid." . "Of course,"-1 said; "having once im agined that tho dead branches resemble 'skeleton arms,' and associated them in your own mind with the idea of a crave yard, you will bo haunted with all sorts of dismal thoughts and fancies in con nection with the tree. But since you don't like it, Cecio, I will have this bug bear removed, and we will build a pretty summer-house on tho spot. I will speak to the men to-morrow, when they come to take down the wail." The portion of the wall to which I al- j hided separated our garden from that of our next door neignoor. it was 01 stone, but the mortar had fallen out and left it little more than a pile of loose stones, which I feared might at any moment topplo down on the children, as they plaved about it. So I concluded to have it pulled down, and a light wooden pal iucr placed in its stead. Over there, in the next houso, lived an old gentlemen and his wife, who passed much of their time in their garden, cut tivating flowers and small garden fruits, in which they appeared to take great ae light. They had called on us, a cheerful and kindly old couple; and when the old wall was pulled down and before the new one was tin, tho way lay open to a more familiar intercourse. Ono evening, by their invitation, wo stepped over iuto their garden to see a collection ot roses upon wnicn air. yv ar ren prided himself. These duly admired, tho old lady expressed to Cecio her pleas ure in having neighbors who were neigh bors. She had lived ten years in their present abode, and in that time had only twice seen JUrs. uagei "She wasn't always such a recluse," said the good lady. "I remember that when she and her husband first came hero, a young married couple (I was a child then), they were merry, gay and fond of society. It was their daughter's fate which so sadly changed them. You have heard the story ?" Wo had not been long in this town yet Cecie remembered to have heard something about a daughter of Mrs. Gage running away to join a lover at a dis tance, and being never afterward heard of. "Her name was Emily," said Mrs. Warren, "and Bhe was the handsomest girl in the town. She was an only child, and had been all her life petted and in dulged, and allowed to have her own way. Such children don't generally turn out ns well as tucy should do; and Emily Gage rejected many good offers, to fall in love with a handsome and dissipated fellow, who made his appearance here for a short time. Being unable to give a satisfactory account of himself, Mr. Gage forbado his visiting his daughter, and ttie two then agreed upon an elopement. This was put a stop to, and the young man shortly afterward left the place. The girl, however, was closely watched, the parents having causo to suspect that she was in secret correspondence with him. And one morning she was no where to bo found only a note slipped under the door of her parents' sleepiug- room informed them that stie had gone to join lier lover that sho had taken with Her all her jewelry to gether with live hundred dollars, which her father had left in his writing-desk; since slio would need money for traveling and other expenses. And that was tho last that they ever knew about her." "But could they not find the young man ?" asked Cecio. "They found him, after a long search, but he denied all knowledge of Emily and her intended flight. They had cor responded, and she had assurrcd him that she would yet find means to join him, but her letters had then ceased, nor had he ever since heard trotn her. This was his story. Some believed it, but others, though nothing could ever be proven against him, had dark sus'picions of him. And the strangest thing was, that, having once passed the garden wall, every trace of the girl was utterly lost." "Tho garden wall ?" "I forgot to meutionthat it was in that manner sho escaped. She mounted the sloping trunk of the old tree at the foot of the garden walk the same under which you so often sit and then stepped along its horizontal branches to tho top of the wall. This was rendered evident by the broken twigs and scattered leaves at the foot of the tree. On the ground outside tho wall was found her shawl, which she had doubtless dropped or for gotten in her haste. That was all. To this day the mystery of her fate remains unrevealed, though undoubtedly there was foul play somewhere. The jewels and the money were great temptations to crime. " That evening my wife said to me : " That horrible tree. Charlie! Did I tell you that it had a secret to reveal? l'crhups it knows what became of tat poor girl." Net day Cecie went on a visit of a few days to her mother, taking the chil dren with her. Before going to my business I gave orders respecting the 1 tree." I wished every trace of it to be removed before her return, when perhaps she would forget all about it and its gloomy associations. Returning home in the evening, i was met by the workmen with countenance of interest and mystery. Ihcir mior mation startled me. While busied in cutting down the tree, they had heard something rattle and fidl witWin; nnd on examination discovered within the bones of a skeleton, though whether human or not they could not tell. Communicating the fact to Mr. Warren, who was in nis garden, they had by his advice desisted until my arrival. I went to the Bot, and with tne men and Mr. Warren examined the tree. Though the opening already made the bones were clearly to be distinguished; nnd I directed that the trunk should at once be felled. When this was done there was exposed a hollow stump, in which lay a mass of human bones, with remains of a woman's dress; and beneath theso and the decayed wood and dust which had gathered over them gleamed the lustre of jewels and gold and silver coin. I looked at Mr. Warren, who, white as death, had staggara to a garden bench. My God 1" he exclaimed. " It Is Emilvl" Yes, it was Emily. Of this there could be no doubt. The tree had long held its fearful secret, and was still un ablo to revcnl it. It had given up Emily's skeleton, but how came the poor girl to bo immured within this living tomb? Further examination, however, re vealed the whole horrible truth. "I see how it all was," my old neigh bor said, in a broken and faltering voice, "Sho had thrown her shawl over the wall that it might not be in her way, and then mounted the tree to where the three great branches meet; and there, hidden by the masses of ivy, lay the fatal trap. Through that great holo sho slipped, and the ivy closed over her in her living tomb." He shuddered, and the tears gushed into his eyes. We neither of us expressed tho thoughts which chilled and moved our hearts to pitying horror. Had her death been sudden, or had she here slowly starved and pined to death ? Her cries could not have been heard, for the house stood apart, and her parents had left home and gone in pursuit of her. I thought of Cecie's strange fancy concerning the old tree, and lost myself in vague conjectures as to the nature of those mysterious in fluences which sometimes affect our human perceptions, how or whence we may not know. This was the secret which the old tree so long held. And I may add that to this day Cecie knows nothing of it; for. besido the clergyman who gave Christian burial to the remains of the poor girl, no one but ourselves, who made the dis covery, ever knew the secret. We thought it best that it should be so. - But I observed that Cecie never after complained of the uneasy influence which had before so annoyed her. With tho removal of the tree and the burial of the bones, nature resumed her bright and joyous sway in the old garden. Susan A. news. Making Pearl Buttons. The Springfield (Mass.) Iiepublican says that a company in that city which makes pearl buttons is unique among New Eng land button-making industries in that it uses only simple machinery, depending mainly on the trained hands nnd eyes of its twenty-live or thirty workmen for the perfection of its products. The marine shells from which the mother-of-pearl is obtained shells of the pintadina variety, coming from the East and West Indies, California, and, in fact, all quarters of tho world are taken as they come packed, are rinsed in water, and are then ready for turning. The shell is made up of the mother-of-pearl inside, this being of a creamy or varied coloring nnd a thinner outer layer of a bony texture. The shell is pierced through a number of times by a hollow boring tool, fitted to a common lathe, some dozen of small discs being the result. Each disc then goes through three or four or sometimes a half dozen more operations at the hands of the men standing in a line at one work-bench, each having a lathe and a three cornered file, sharpened to suit his work. The bony" part is cut from the disc and the button shape given it while revolved by the lathe against the sharp steel held in tho workman's hand, no gauge being used. Some of the buttons are grooved with a few lines on the face, and a few holes are punched in each. Part of the buttons are subjected to a mysterious coloring operation in a revolving box, but the best grades aro finished in the natural colors. The pol ishing is mainly done by hand. The whole process is very quick, and the method has the great advantage of being immediately adapted to any stylo of but ton desired, no change in machinery being required, but merely a fresh ad justment of flesh and blood. All sizes of ordinary buttons are turned out, as well as some "codur buttons," though no fancy articles are made. Tho light-colored material is the most valuable. Fifty cents a pound is paid for the rough shells, and the buttons are worth from one to seven or eight cents each. Tho store room contains many bushels of these valuable little things, ready for the fin ishing touches to fill orders. The use of pearl buttons has been confined mainly to men's clothing for five or six years, but the fashion is thought to be tending toward u more general use of them by women. The company has been gradually increasing its force lor some months. The workmen aro mostly imported from Pennsylvania, and have served a long apprenticeship. They are paid by the piece, and the better workers make about $3 a day, others averaging as low as f 3. MOMENTS FOR MERRIMENT. TOKXX.S THAT WILL SKITS DULL CABS AW AT. Neftreat l.o Over the Fenre Hire 1 Help Too Tong-h New Cent and a quarter Pieces. A gentleman bought a newspaper and tendered in payment a piece of forty sous. The newspaper woman " I haven't the change ; you can pay me as you pass along to-morrow." The gentleman" But suppose! I should be killed to-day?" The newspaper woman "Oh, it wouldn't boa verv great loss I" Paris Wit. Over the Fence. Mrs. Slingonin put her head over the fence and thus addressed her neighbor, who was hanging out her week's wash ing: "A family has moved in the empty house across the way, Mrs. Clothes-line." "Yes, I know." "Did you notice their furniture?" "Not particularly." "Two loads, and I wouldn't give a dol lar a load for it. Carpets ! I wouldn't put them down in my kitchen. And the children I I won't allow mine to associ ate with them. And the mother 1 She looks as though she had never known a day's happiness. The father drinks, I ex pect. Too bad that such peoplo should come into this neighborhood. I wonder who they are." "I know them." "Do you? Well, I declare. Who are they?" "The mother is my sister, and the father is superintendent of the Methodist Sunday-school." A painful pause ensues. Hired Help. Mrs. Jooblewizzle had hired a new and a very green errand boy, and she sent him w ith a basket and tho money to get some groceries. When he came back he did not report, and she called downstairs to him : "John, did you get the cabbage?" "That's wot you tole me to git," he answered, with a lazy drawl. "Did you get the potatoes?" "That's wot you tole mo to git." "Did you get the starch? ' "That's wot you tole me to git." 'Did you get the soap?" "That's wot you tole me to git." "Did you get the sugar?" "That's what you tole me to git." "I know that," she shrieked, after the same monotonous reply floated up to her for tho fifth time, "but did you get them?" "No, ma'am, I lost the money, and some dang thief uv a boy stole the basket. Merchant- Traveler, New Cent and a Quarter Piece. Scene Park Row. Dramatis Personae A bootblack and newsboy. Bootblack (with great unction) Say, chummy, did you see any of the new cent and a quarter pieces? Newsboy (with vehement surprise) See what? Bootblack (with great deliberation) . See any of the new cent and a quarter pieces. Newsboy (with evident sympathy) Been out all night? Bootblack (with fervid anger) No, I ain't been out all night. I'll bet you a banana I can show you one of the cent and a quarter pieces. Newsboy (with lofty scorn) I don't want no banana, but I'll buy a whole bunch for you if you show me tho cent and a quarter. There was a wicked look on tho boot black's face as he went down in his pocket. Then he retreated a step or two and took out a cent and a quarter of a dollar. "There s the cent and a quarter pieces." he said as he sloped away, "and I'll take the banana some other time." Neio York American Queen. Toe Tough. Late one evening recently a New York goat of tho William persuasion and ten der years, though robust stomncn, re turned to the basom of the family with an expression of pain upon his counte nance and a suspicious contortion about the stomach. " Oh, my son," said tho grave and reverend sire, "you aro ailing you have eaten something indigestible. What is it ?" "I know not, father." returned young William. " All I have lunched on this evening was a few circus posters on bill board around the corner." "It is as I thought, my son," wisely nodded tho old stager. "You have swallowed one or two of those stories concerning tho white elephant. 1 saw them myself, my son, and decided not to go them. They looked too tough for even my muscular gastric juice. But here is a choice assortment of tin cans and old shoes. Eat a few of these and by the time they mix with the circus bill in vour stomach I think the kinks will be pretty effectually removed. You can not be too careful about eating what you find on tho bill boards these times. Blizzard. A Too W 11 II n if Young Man. "Do you love mo as dearly as men have ever loved women?" said Mabel, finding an easy anchorage for her cheek about the latitude of his upper vest pocket and the longitude of his left siiseuder. "More," saiii George, with waning en thusiasm, for this was about the two hun dred and fourteenth eucore to which he had responded since 8 o'clock. "More, far more dearly. Oh, ever so much more." "Would you," she went on, and there was a tremulous iiupressiveness in her voice that warned the young man that the star was going to leave her lines and 1 spring something new on the house 1 "would you be willing to worK ana wan for me, as Rachel waited at the well, seven long years?" "Seven 1" he cried, in a burst of gen uine devotion. "Seven! Aye, gladly 1 Yes, and morel Even until seventy times seven ! Let's make it seventy, anyhow, and prove my devotion." Somehow or other he was alone when he left tho parlor a few minutes later, and it looks now as though he would hav to wait about 700 years before he saves fuel by toasting h's shins at the low-down gate in the parlor again. There are men, my son, who always overdo the thing; they want to be meeker than Moses, stronger than Sampson and ten times more particular than Job, the printor; that is, he isn't, but he used to Uz. Ilawheye. - Fish That Go Ashore. An old fisherman took a scientific re porter of the New York Sun to a pool on Long Island, where they found numerous little hshes (killies) resting partly out 01 o t or wifK tViotr rinorla Tiiflrh nnrl rlrv linnfl blades of grass. The ol(I man also spun a yarn about some largo fishes that ho had seen hopping along on the banks of a rivet in the Malay country. These fishes were recognized from the fisherman's descrip tion by the man of science, whothen took his turn at telling fish stories as follows ' 'The fish is only one of a dozen or twenty that are more or less amphibious. When the Ceradotus is under water it breathes by the gills, but it has a habit of leaving the water and prowling around on the marshes of the Mary river. As soon as it leaves the water the gas in the air blad der is expelled with a noise that can be heard half a mile. The fish takes in air at the mouth or nostril that passes into the air bladder, to which the heart is now pumping blood to be purified, instead of sending it to the gills. "The Ceradotus, which may be called a dry land fish, is over six feet long, and looks like a great eel with two pairs of fins that compare with feet, and tho most curious part of it is that previous to 1870 the fish was unknown, except as a fossil. These fossil remains were described years ago by Professor Owen as the Cera dotus. Strange stories came from the Mary river of loud noises that were heard in the swamps at night, and the crushing and rushing as of some huge animal. At last these rumors attracted the attention of a naturalist, who went to the locality, and the discovery of the fash was the result. They live on leaves and vegetable matter that they obtain partly out of water, and they ore the Jast of a powerful race that is probably doomed to extinction. " The killies are not the only nsnes that leave the water. Last year I spent some weeks near a small fishing village where there was a large eel pond, and to say that it was alive with these animals is putting it extremely mild. Some au thorities say that the eel goes down to the sea only once a year, but these fel lows went out to sea every night, com pletely filling the little channel so that in wading across you stepped on Hundreds that writhed about your feet and legs. If there happened to be a dory or other boat about that blocked the way,tho eels left the water and wriggled away over land, presenting a curious sight, and moving with such rapidity that it was an impossibility to catch them. I thought it might be accidental, and inquired of the hshermen how it was, ana ono tola me that several years before the entrance to the pond became clogged bv sand after a storm, and the eels, finding no way of getting out, started across the sand every night, forming passageways by which they returned. "In England, when a pike pond gets too low to suit its occupants, they, ac cording to Couch, start overland in regu lar droves, and travel until they reach some place better suited to their require ments. This is true of a largo number of fishes that are peculiar to the East and to South America. In the latter country the catfishes known Doras aud Hussars, when left in drying pools, travel overland in droves, and are caught in great num bers by birds and various ani mals as well as men. Fishes of another genera, from North America, have been found far from water. Per haps the most curious is the Protopterus, some being found in Africa as well. They also breathe by tho air bladder when deprived of water, but instead of migrating overland they descend into tho mud and encase themselves into a ball, the interior of which is lined with a slimy secretion, and thus closed up, as it were, they lie until tho rainy season comes again, and they are soaked out. In certain parts of Africa barren wastes have suddenly become flooded, and tho sudden appearance of fishes has given rise to ideas of spontaneous generation, as the enormous quantities of tishes could not bo explained on any other hypothesis unless they had rained down. Daldorf, the Danish naturalist, caught an anatas, a perch like fish climbing a palm, work ing its way up by its sharp tins. Hence, these fish are called climbing perch. They don't climb usually, but they are perfect ly amphibious, like a frog. "As a matter of course, these fishes have been experimented upon. An Eng lish naturalist put a blenny in an aquar ium, and at certain times noticed that tho fish tried to jump out of water. To see what it would do, he set a stone in the water that formed a little islund, and in a moment the blenny jumped upon it, high and dry out of water. The experi mentalist noticed that it was then low tide on the bench, and every day at ex actly low tide tho fish jumped out upon the rock, and returned to the water at flood tide. It is reniarkablo that tho fish should leave the water, but how much mure so th:it it should in a house and tank know the turu of tho tide." A chants acquaintance an introduc tion to a pretty member of the choir. ILirtford Journal. THE DEFENDER. Care came and laid his hand upon ner shoulder, And Sorrow came, hor lids with salt tears wet; And Tain, with featurw marred, and white and set, Frefsid to her side; and then, stern-visaged. enunt. Frightening her shaVen soul, unpitying Want Stared in her fees; and thn, grewtag holder By all these ills, Temptation, smiling, fair, Bpread f r her weary feet a charmed snare, With tender, cruel hand. Bo cold tbs wrla; AU her weak soul in a ; stTango tempest whirled, With whitened Hps, and sad, imploring breath, ?he stretches out her helpless hand to Death. It en lol ono came, before whees radiant grac3 Borrow grew dumb, and grim Care hid his face; Before who presence as radiant as t' day, Temptition, vexed and beaten, flei away; For whoe dear sake she trembled at the thought Of Death, whose pallid kiss she vain bad sought. With a strange rapture, holy, reatful, sweet. Against her own she felt a true heart beaK Oh, Life! she cried, no HI of thine can hold me, Since Love, the mighty, in his arms doth fold me. Charlotte Perry, in Vanity Fair. HUMOR OF THE DAT. The most courted belle The dinner bclL The Egyptian injunction "Mummy's the word." The hen that thinks a woman throws shoo's at her for good luck is very much mistaken. Bradford Mail. Hospitality. "Do take some more of the vegetables, Mr. Blood, for they go to the pigs anyway. Harvard Lampoon. "Another expedition to the pole," said the man, as he wended his way to his barber shop. Cincinnati Saturday NigU. "Yes," she said, "I always obey my husband, but I reckon I have something to say about what his commands shall be. " Boston Post. My lovo and I for kisses played And it did chance to be The darling girl won all the stakes And gave them all to me. Salttn Sunbeam. ' The garden season is here, and the jusband of the - woman - who - throws-stones-at-the-hens is getting himself into a position to dodge. liraajora bunaay Mail. Lady, to small boy with a dog John ny, does that dog bark at night? Johnny, who is a connoisseur in dogs No, ma'am, be barks at cats and other dogs. ifur-chant- Traviler. Now is tho time when the small boy in the country comes into the house with his hair all wet nnd tells his mother that he ran home from school so fast that he is all perspired. Boston Post. The price of Circassian girls hes lately dropped to $000 tho lowest figure ever known. All young men who have been despising matrimony because wives are so cheap can now purchase one for about a year's salary, and be happy. Burling ton Prie Press. "I don't think I'm cranky," said a dud ish young fellow, " but when I go out with my dog, and hear a man whistle and I look around, and ho says he was whistling at the old dog and not the puppy, 1 think it is time I was asserting my rights. Merchant-Traveler. "In Siberia you can purchase a wife for eight dogs." As long as girls can be had for the asking in this country, very few of our young men will go to Siberia to procure a wife. And ono who has seen a Siberian wife will wonder why they come so terribly high. Norristoien Herald, It is said that as late as the latter part f tho thirteenth century, "the upper classes in Europe ate whales for dinner." It is not stated, but we should think one whale would not only mako a dianor for the largest family in Europe, but there would bo enough left over to warm up j for next morning's urea nasi. karris- toten Herald. A messenger boy recently fell off the roof of a very high buildiug up town, but was not hurt ut all. It seems when ho fell he was asleep, and the slowness which characterizes hint when on life and death errands didn't desert him. In fact ho dropped to tho ground so slowly and softly, that when he landed he was not awakened, but went right on dreaming until a policeiuau aroused him. Puek. r- - - The Llevator. ij person that first put an elevator into a high structure, so as to save pas attugcrs the labor of walking up many steps of stairs, little dreamed of the im portant results that have followed the adoption of that expedient. It has practically revolutionized tho domestic aud business architecture of large cities. In New York there are literally hundreds of high buildings accommodating thous ands of jiersons. although the apartment nnd ollico buildings are a thing of yester day. In this cily there aro scores of dwellings between 140 and ItiO feet iu height. Ono house is over 180 feet high. The lower part of N'ew York has a num ber of enormous structures filled with ollices luxuriously furnished. The oc cupants of the upper floors prefer them to those nearer the surface of the earth. The air, they think, is purer, aud there are fewer annoyances, while the elevator is a swift and pleasant means of com munication. Dimorett.