t THE FOREST REPUBLICAN I RATES OF ADVERTISING. Ii published every Wednetday, by J. E. WENK. Offloo in Smenrbaugh & Co.'a Building EUI STHEKT, TIONESTA, VA. One Gqnar, one Inch, one Insertion...... II OO One Hqnare, one Inch, one month 00 One Sqnare, one Inch, three inontbt ...... OA .nnir nn Inch, one tnt... w Two Panares, one rear .. If M Quarter Oolomn, one year V Terms, - il.00 par Yar. Hair Column, one year One Colnmnjone year .. M ..100 N Ko tnbicrlptlotn retired for a shorter period tlian three month!. Correspondence eollclted from tit purti of the country. No notice will be lakeu or eDonymous commuulcAtlont. legal noOoM at established rates. Marriage and death nottoes fratle. All Win for yearly adTrtlsments eollerted oaer. tcriy. Temporary adrertleemente moat he paid la adranee. Job work eaah on delivery. VOL. IVII. NO. 7. TIONESTA. PA.. WEDNESDAY. MAY 28, 1884. $1,50 PER ANNUM. A ptMfcil. t 1 WELLS THAT NEVER FREEZE. Nature's wells nro deep lielow, Dorp below tho lino of frost nnd snow; Thoy tiro rlonr nnd sparkling, rool and sweet, Cloar nrnl spnrkling undornrnth our foot. Cool through nil the summer's hont, Freo through winter's frost unci snow, For,tho wells tliat Nature digs Are lielow tho lino of chnngo, Deep, deep below. , Katuro'g wells nro never dry, When tho August sun Ih blazing high Thoy are deep nnd cool,they n ro pool ancl deep, And in rocky cisterns moisture keep For tho tiniest sceds that sheep, For tho roots of mighty trcxs, For tho thirsty lips Hint know Nature's wells nro far ImjIow Tho lino of change. My life's wells lie, far liolow, For below tho lino of frost nnd snow; Pafely hid within my homo thoy lie, Deep and Mill and sweet beneath Ixivo's sky. Frost and bent and wind pass by; Lifo has drought and frost outidde, Hut tho household wells still flow Clear nnd sweet nnd. far below Tho liuo of change. For homo's wells nro never dry. Outside) oft tho conflict waxes high, And a bitter drought is on tho strifo, Or a frost ties fast Iho hope, of lifo; Then, at homo, by sido of child and wife, Aro tho wells that never fail, Aro tho household wells that flow Sweet and deep and clear, below Tho lino of chnngo. -r Harper's Weekly. PAIITINO, Weep not that wo must parts rnrtings nro short; eternity is long; Lifo is but onu brief stage, And thoy that Bay lovu ends with lifo aro wrong. List to thino own heart's cry Love cannot die. What though so far nwny? "Thy thoughts aro still with mo, and with thoo mine, And absence has no power To lessen what by nature is divino. List to thino own hom-t's cry Love cannot die. " Then grievo no more, my lovo; Grieving but shows thy trust in mo Is small. ' Faith is by calmness proved, . For know this truth thou canst not lovo at all Unless thino own heart cry Lovo cannot die. A PERILOUS ADVENTURE. The kindness of a kinsman of the late Howard Schuyler has furnished us with tho following interesting btory of tlio )cril8 of engineering lifo on tho plains only fifteen years ago: In a recent letter from lie Informs mo your request that I should write out in detail the story of Howard's miraculous escape from the Indians, ns I hud nar rated it to you. If it is a matter of in terest to you, it will certainly bo a pleasure to me so to do. In the month of Juno, 1809, when tho grass and flowers on the plains of Kansas and Colorado were nearly knee high, the result of unusually abundant rains which, left clear pools of water in nil tho little arroyos, a corps of Kaunas Pacific engineers, uudertho leadership of Howard Schuyler, were engaged in making certain preliminary surveys in the vicinity of the terminal town of Phil Sheridan, near the border line of tho two States. They had been out on u trip of several months in tho direction of Den ver, and had returned to tho end of the track to begin the delinite location, which we afterward carried through to Denver. At this time 1 had beeuwith the party some two or three months, tak ing my novitiate in engineering, and was occupying the position of rodman. Prior to commencing the location, we were running some rapid trial lines north of Sheridan, and by the Juno l'J were some lilteen or twenty miles out in a roll ing country, where the heads of the ISinoky Hill unci Republican Forks of The Kansas river interlock. On the evening before our camp had been brought up to the end of our work, and we started out bright and early on this memorable Sat urday morning, so that by 10 o'clock we were several miles away from camp. In all our work we had been accompanied by an escort of fifteen infantry soldiers, under tho chargo of a lieutenant, acting in tlio capacity of a camp-guard, who, while they were very useful in guarding our base of supplies, were of no protec tion to us in tlio tield. Our party num bered thirteen all told, two of whom re mained in camp as cook and teamster. The working party was therefore reduced to eleven, including Howard, whose cus tom it wus to ride several miles ahead, looking out the lino and indicating it by building sod mounds two or three feet high with a shovel. AVe followed from one mound to the next, measuring angles and distances ancl leveling tiie ground. Our progress was as rapid al most us a man would walk at a moderate puce, and we were exceedingly vulnera ble to attack, us we were all separate, strung out over a distance of a mile or more, while Howard was always out of sight, and several miles ahead, but having been out several months without seeing any Indian signs we hud no suspicion of danger and did not dream there was an Indian in the coun try, AVe afterward knew that they had been watching us some days and were simply wailing for the most favorable opportunity tu make the attac k, having evidently planned to kill iloivurd first, nnd then come back along the line pick ing oil the rest of the puity one by one. In pursuance or this plan tncy my lu wait until they had cornered him in a trap when they fired a shot, stripping his horse in the hip; and looking around he saw a long line of tho red painted devils on thrco sides of him, whilo on the fourth, in tho direction of his party, wns half a milo or more of broken ground, cut up by deep, narrow ravines. It took but a moment to decide his linn of action. Putting spurs to his horse ho turned to tho only loophole of escape, and, to tho surpriso of tho In dians, went leaping over the ravines, one after the other, at the risk of his life, but with tho assurance that they could not follow him, as none of their ponies were equal to the work, and to keep up the pursuit they were obliged to make a long detour. Having onco got clear of tho broken ground, Howard, looking back, found himself well ahead, and was congratu lating himself on so easy an escape, when ho saw directly before him, spring ing out of tho grass, a formidable array of Indians, intercepting his flight; those pursuing in tho rear closed up, and al most before ho could realize the situation ho found himself ,ngnin entrapped, this timo by a line of Indians that entirely encircled him, numbering nbout 100, as nearly as he could judge. They rapidly narrowed the limits of tho circle, nnd be gan taunting him with all manner of in sults, and telling him of the tortures that awaited him and of the slow roasting that they proposed to givo him. For several minutes ho sat on hh) horse, Jtrying to reconcile" himself to tho cer tainty that death was before him, but when tho first struggle was over all trembling ceased, and with as true an aim as ever huntsman leveled at a deer, ho drew up his rifle, and fired at the nearest man, killing him instantly. Earlier in tho light ho had realized that ho was more lightly armed than usual, having that morning left his belt, with a brace of pistols ancl a box of cartridges, in camp to bo cleaned, taking only his AVinclieatcrcarbinc,earrying twelve shots. Ho now determined to sell his lifo as dearly as possible, nnd, counting every shot, to be sure that ho saved one for himself ns a dernier resort in caso of capture, since death by his own hand wus preferable to torture. Twice more hi! shot in quick succession without fatal e licet, when he suddenly put spurs to his horso nnd dashed through tho line. At this moment there was a general scramble and rush for him, some trying for him with their spears, others seizing his legs and trying to unhorse him. He succeeded in the twinkling of an eyo in throwing them all off, and even killod a second man riding at his side, putting his gun against his (tho Indian's) body and blazing away, tho blood spurting over Howard's buckskin leggings, saddle ancl horse. The instant ho freed him self from them and got clear alone on open ground ahead of them, where they were not in dancer of killing each other in shooting at him, they tired a vollcv of bullets and urrows at him. None of them hit him, and up to this moment ho was en tirely unharmed. Had his horse been equally fortunate this would doubtless have ended the light, ns tho horse was a fine, high-spirited animal, superior to any of the Indian ponies. But the first shot received at the beginning of hostili ties had cut a small artery, uud from this tho blood was pumping out a steady stream, that, together with his violent exertions, was fast Hupping his strength. The Indians, seeing this, were encour aged to continue in pursuit, and their leader, mounted on an American stage horso (stolen the day before at a stage station a few miles back, which they had burned, murdering all the inmates) suc ceeded so well in keeping pace with him that Howard could utmost feel the breath from tho nostrils of his pursuer's horse. Thus they rode, nose to tail, for a milo or two, the Indian occupying tho time in shooting ut Howard. Three pistols, fix-shooters, ho emptied, and bullets ilew around poor Howard, on every side. Four more entered the poor horse,- already so badlv wounded, a bullet pierced Howard's clothes at his side, another cut the strap of his field glass, which was lost, another cut oil his spur, bruising the heel slightly but not drawing blood; a fourth pierced the wooden breech of his ritle, us no cur ried it in his hand almost striking it from his grasp; others struck tho saddle, and in short they seemed to strike every where but where they were aimed. All this timo Howard was endeavoring to reach over his shoulder and get a shot nt tho Indian, but ut every such movement tho savage slipped under tho belly of his horse, uud wus out of sight, except a hand on tho inane, and heel on the back. Final ly, alljammuuition exhausted, the Indian resorted to his spear, and with tho wooden handle gave Howard one or two severe raps on the head, trying to knock him out of his saddle without avail, but at last Howard's horse, that had been totter ing sliakily, from loss of blood, fell on nis knees, and the Indian rushed up to end tho contest. At that instant the horse struggled to his feet again, and Howard saw that his opportunity had come, his foe was ut his side, and ho quickly thrust his ritle against the In dian's body and tired, blowing a hole through that seemed as largo as one's arm. Tho Indian shrieked, leaped out of his saddle, uud fell to the ground on his face, dead. Looking ubout, Howard saw the re mainder of the band following at a prudent distance, for by this time they began to look upon him as a god, invul nerable to all their weapons. When, at last, the poor horse fell prostrate, and ap parently dead, they all flocked up to make u final disposition of their trouble some enemy. Hut Howard, undaunted, lay quietly down behind the body of his horse, and when they came within short lunge, took deliberate aim unci tired, killing another miiu. This unlooked-for disaster completely demoralized them, uud they fled iu ail direction. Within three minutes not an Indian was in sight. Ho turned his attention to his horso, loosened tho girth to tako off tho saddle, nnd was surprised when the animal drow a deep breath nnd struggled to his feet. Ho then led him slowly to where the rest of the party had 'made a stand about their wagon, and as ho approached from one direction I enmc limping up from the other, with a bullet in my right leg. The Indians had paid their general attentions to the rest of us during the timo Howard was having his fight, but fortunately not in force, and wo succeeded in getting to gether at tho wagon without the loss of a man, I being tho only ono wounded in. tho whole engagement. As soon as Howard joined us we started on tho retreat for camp, tho In dians harassing us tho whole way. They would form in single flip or all abreast, and charge ns though they were going to ride right over us, but on getting witliin short range would wheel and retire, after discharging a volley of shots that would tear up tho earth ail around us. This was most terrifying to mo, a boy fresh from school, who had never experienced any sort of warfare, and had never seen a gun fired by ono man at another but Howard, who had gone through four years of the war of tho rebellion, and iiad seen three years or more of border warfare with Indians, was quite exhile rated by tho excitement. Ho gave them a challenge by walking alone several hun dred yards away on ono side. They charged, but retreated when he kneeled and fired. Arriving at the camp after an hour's ride and running fight, we found the es cort thoroughly alarmed, and just starting out to pick up our dead bodies, for they had seen so many Indians about that they made sure we were all killed. It was a sccno of mutual rejoicing and congratu lation, ns we had feared they had met an untimely fate. A Iiasty couucil of war was held as to what was to be done. AVe were unanimous in tho opinion that it was folly to continue work without a larger escort and a personal body-guard, beside it was necessary that my wound should be dressed. Conse quently it was decided to turn our faces in tho direction of Sheridan, which we did, arriving thcro late in tho afternoon, the Indians following us all the way seek ing an opportunity to attack us again. AVith them it had btcome a question of revenge, as they had lost heavily, while wo had escaped entirely. The horso that carried Howard so nobly through this fight ultimately recovered. Three of the fivo bullets A'cro extracted. I afterward took him home to Burlin game, where ho was carefully fed and pampered for some years till ho died. I recovered from my wound very quickly, and within six weeks rejoined. tho party, receiving promotion to the first place in tho corps that of transit man which I occupied until the road was completed. Our miraculous escape was long the subject of wonder on the frontier, where it was' regarded as the most marvelous on record, as we fought against such fearful odds. I hope tho narrative as I have written it will bo intelligible. I fear I have not made it as clear as I could verbally. It always excites mo to think or tell of it. Neie York Evening Post. On Stilts. Tho chief external characteristic of the French Basques is the extraordinary skill with which they walk on stilts. This hereditary accomplishment has been forced upon them, so to speak, by the nature of tho country they inhabit a waste of shifting sands, intersected by runlets of water that produce admirable pasturage, but in places occasion very dangerous morasses. Tho Basques, used from infancy to make their way through drift and quagmire, seem sometimes to bo actually unaware that they are perched up aloft, like so many storks or herons, ns they tend their sheep or carry home their oat-sheaves. And the women are, perhaps, still defter on their stilts than aro the men, who invariably castofE their wooden props when cudgel play, or a bargain claims attention, who are, ulso, a little uneasy in the presence of strangers. It is in marshy districts, where straggling lambs and half-wild calves have" to bo sought for, or in deep, loose sand, that tho stilts find their main employment and best exhibit the dexterity of the wearers, who, with tho help of an iron-shod polo, can knit the woolen stockings nnd night caps which both sexes aro clever in mak ing, practice the iluto and the binion, and even, it is said, go to sleep for hours. Nothing more amuses tho people of Lundes than when a troop of strolling mountebanks, with its two or three dam sels in spangled muslin, and mounted on stilts, ventures into Bascpieland. To see the saltimbanques in gay apparel pain fully trying to do, for money, what the spectators have done with practiced ease since childhood, evokes Homeric bursts of laughter, usually followed by a shower of sous. It sometimes happens, in rural life, that tho stilts act us safeguards. For the fondrieres. as the French null them "funda" is the Spuiflsh word em ployed by tho small, dark people of the land ure quicksands as perilous to pass us any between Avrauches and St. Michael's Mouut, and tho sinking over deep of tho ashen prop is a warning that has saved many a herdsman's life, when an incautious foot would have been held forever in tho grip of tho teutfeious mire below. Tho list of annual victims by such accidents is almost wholly muclo up of traveling tinkers, chapmen, knife grinders, uud especially glaziers, or plumbers iu quest of a job. All The Year Hound. The mines of the liluck Hills, in Dako ta, have mined and milled, 1,512,0:17 tons of good ore, yielding $10,1:11,110, an average of only $5.73 per ton, mak ing a profit aud paying in dividends A TALK WITH AN AURIST. THE QUE EH. THINGS THAT OFTEW OCT IWTO PEOPLE S EARS. Children llin Principal Sufferer Ter rible Senmtloii of Ono Wliouc liar If al Horn Long Mopped. "You would bo astonished," said a skilled auristinoneof tho public eye nnd ear infirmaries, "nt tho large number of children who arc brought to us in the course of a week to have something re moved from their cars that they have fool ishly stuck in them and have been unable to get out again. I have sometimes dis posed of ten such cases in an afternoon, and have pulled almost everything out of the human ear that it is possiblo to get in there shoe buttons, pieces of slate pen cil, candies and wads of paper. Four times out of fivo tho youngest is old enough to know better; but it is habit they fall into, the same as biting their nails or scratching their heads. One boy not twelve years old is almost a weekly visitor here. 'AVell,' I said, as I saw him come in as usual yesterday afternoon, 'what have you got in there this time?' 'Nawthin' but a bean,' ho drawled. Oh, yes, I took it out. "But I recently met with the most re markable case of tho kind in twenty years' practl :e. A young woman of twenty three camo in so deaf that I could hardly make her hear by shouting through a trumpet. After removing a great quan tity of wax from her cars I found some thing mctalic. " 'What's this,' I said, 'have you been putting something in your ear ?' " 'Oh, dear, no,' she said, 'I am not so foolish as that.' "Imagine her surprise when I pulled out a smooth, round brass button, with quite a large shank to it. 'This seems to have been in there a great many years,1 I said. To my surprise the young woman crouched in tho corner in undisguised terror. "'Oh, doctor,' she said, 'what is that awful noise ?' " It was nothing but a wagon rumbling by, but I instantly saw what the trouble was. Her hearing had become normal when I removed that button, and she was frightened and bewildered at the jumble of confusing sounds. Tho ticking of the clock, chirping of the canary, or dripping of water distressed her, and the rustle of her own silk dress mado her start with fear. I sent one of the assis tants home with her in a carriage, and ho said that the clatter in the street so distracted her that ho was compelled to hold her in her seat. About a week af terward she came in again " "And wanted that button put back, I suppose," interrupted tho reporter. "Oh, no she was brimming over with happiness, though for a day or two sho was afraid to leave tho house. But sho told me about that button. ' AVhen I was about eight years old,' sho said, 'I was sent to a village church iu New Eng land with my grandmother. The sermon was always long and tiresome, and I used to amuse myself by pulling nt the brass but ton on my cloak. One of them came off one Sunday, and I occupied myself for a time with putting it in my ear and shaking it out again. Suddenly I felt it sink away in there and I could not get it out I was afraid to tell my grandmother at the time, and soon afterward forgot it. At ten years of ago I began to grow deaf, and have been getting worse ever since, but I never onco thought of that button until you removed it." "Do grown people," asked tho repor ter, "ever come to you with things iu their cars?" "Frequently, but in most cases it is through no fault of their own. I know one man, a butcher, who comes here regularly in the summer time to have flies removed from his cars. I have taken out six at one time for him. How ever they get there I don't know. He says they fly in; but they don't fly out, I'm sure of that. A man called mo out of bed one night to get a Croton bug out of his ear. Now, a water bug will never back. . He must either turn around or go straight ahead. This fellow had crawled into the man's ear, and, not finding room enough to turn around, went ahead. He was pawing away with his feelers on the drum, causing tho poor man fearful agony." Ventriloquism. Some timo since the Detroit Freo Prem contained a short article on "Ventrilo quist Humbug," in which tho statement was made by an expert that ventriloquism is very largely a humbug; that the de ception is largely accomplished by merely lowering tho voice, und that no man is so skilllul that he can get along without a screening mustache. A London (Eng land) correspondent differs from this ex pert. He writes: Pure ventriloquism is not done by merely lowering tho voice. And us for a man not being ablo to "get on" with out a mustache, that is absurd. I can "get on" without a mustache, in fact, for obvious reasons, am obliged to. Ho must be a poor ventriloquist, indeed, that cannot ' 'get on" without a mustache. I have practiced tho art which it is for the past six years, and I will defy anyone, experts included, to seo any movement of my mouth, though they may bo within an arm's length of me. Nine out of ten so-culled ventriloquists are not ventriloquists at all, but what are termed collocpiists. The act of collo quism consist-.: of merely lowering the voice unci twisting the mouth usicle. A mus tache would aid the colloquist, it would hide tho distoilioii of the mouth, always more or less visible. Iu Montana the law prohibits a woman from marrying until she is eighteen years old, uud a muu cuuuot muxry until he is twuuty-oue. SELECT SIFTINGS. Tho ancient Egyptian namo for the cat was "maow." Tho greatest known depth of tho At lantic ocean is fivo miles. Tho ancient Britons used to inflict death by drowning in a quagmiro. Near Salt Lake has been discovered a limestono that produces a flash of light blue light with every stroke of tho ham mer. It is called hell-firo rock. Ewinj? Isbcll. of AVarren countv. Ken tucky, was born on AVashinton's birth dnv. his wifn was born on the Fourth of July, and their only child was born on Christmas. In Gautcmala ono species of pino tree is grown with needles fifteen inches long, and another that furnishes fat pine for tho candles of half the republic. Trees eight feet in diameter are not uncommon. The battering-ram, with other military implements, is said to have been invented by Artcmon, a Lacadacmonian, and cm ployed by Pericles, about 441 B. C. Sir Christopher AVrcn used a battering-ram in demolishing tho walls of old St. Paul's CntBbdral, 1675. Deer and mooso antlers aro just now very fashionable for decoration. Prop erly mounted they range in price at fash-,, ionable retail stores all the way from $3 for a very small pair of deer horns, to $40 for a magnificent set of moose antlers. Mounted head and all the latter will cost about $75. Among the records of the town of Wor cester, Mass., is an account of a six-year-old boy who in 1779 had his ear bitten off by a horse. Tho manner in which the injury was received was carefully re corded by tho selectmen, so that the loss of the ear should not be prejudiced to the boy when he grew to man's estate. Tho introduction of the modern slang word "dandy," as applied, half in admir ation nnd half in derision, to a fop, dates from 1810. John Bee ("Slang Diction ary" 1823) says that Lord Petersham was the founder of the sect, and gives the peculiarities as "French gait, lispings, wrinkled foreheads, killing king's Eng lish, wearing immense plaited pantaloons, coat cut away, small waistcoat, cravat and chitterlings immense, hat small, hair frizzled and protruding." Tho old Britons wore, according to Meyrick, shoes made of raw cowhide, with the hair turned outwards, and com ing up to the ankles. They much re sembled the brog, which is still used in remote parts of Ireland. In Roman times the chiefs and nobles of Britain adopted, in addition to the sandals, the costly side-laced shoes of their conquerors. Tho Anglo SaxDn shoes were open at the instep, uud secured by a thong. Princes and high ecclesiastical dignitaries wore them of gold stuff, with lattice-pattern embroidery and pointed toes. This fash ion of pointed shoes lasted from the time of Rufus to that of Henry VII. Credulous Cashiers. An enterprising individual, realizing that a confident air and plausible story are in most instances tho only requisite necessary to insure a profitable return, has devised a scheme by which ho has managed to secure a considerable sum of money from a number of well-regulated banking establishments scattered here and there throughout the country. Rep resenting himself as an agent of the United States treasury department sent out for tho purpose of ascertaining tho amount of counterfeit money in circulation, this self-delegated pro tector uud purifier of the national cur rency presents himself nt a bank and with a document highly and graphically ornamented with sealing wax, which ho conspicuously and ostentatiously exhibits as his warrant of authority, whispers into the ear of the awed bank cashier that it has come to the knowledge of the government that tho banking house of which the aforesaid cashier is a brilliant ornament is engaged, perhaps unknow ingly,. in the circulation of counterfeit money, nnd that it has become necessary, in order to protect the government, that the funds now on hand in the bank vaults bo examined. By this time tho feelings of the bank cashier can bo more easily imagined than described. Thun derstruck and almost paralyzed, tho cashier in many instances has not only given this bare-faced swindler access to tho vaults, but on more than ono occa sion, as is reported, permitted him to carry away a no inconsiderable sum of currency, on the pretext that a moro critical examination was necessary in order to determine its genuineness. It is needless to add that in an instance of this kind the currency is never returned. The gentleman is still at large, and thcro is no telling where ho may next turn up. t'lrcclaiid Ltdihr. Something Around Her. "There Frances, you've caught another cold, 'and I'll warrant you you caught it when vou were out walking with Joe last night." "Oh no, mother! I couldn't have caught it then, 'cause we didn't go fast enough to catch anything, in fact, we just set down on the stile and studied astronomy !" "And did you have nnything around you, my deal I"' "Oh, yes, indeed I did! Joe's always particular about that; he won't allow me to sit down anyw hero in the evening air without putting something uround me." Yunktr ilaulle. Ella Wheeler asks; "Have you heard of the Valley of Buhyluud t" No, but we have heard "from" it late at night. JIurtord J'ust. Tho United States raises doublo the number of sheep uuuuully th.it it did twuuty year ujjo. THE VOYAGER. High o'er dark Earth, red In the snnse glow, Hangs a bright bubble, strangely poked In air And now its silken bulk with motion slow Through tho broad west the solomn nlgho winds boar. The dusk draws Ion. I strain my eyes to moet On purple sklos that fragile ship afloat; Briof guostl that gliding steers, ghostlike and fleet, Fast the great mountain's upheaved rim re mote. AVho, silent, far, sails the high seas above? AVhat lure seeks earth-born man In either vast? TJnpiloted, through baseless night to rove AVith life upon the empty spaces cast Ah t vagrant sailor of the upper air, I, too, my little all have sot adrift I AVe know our guest; but how our barks shall fare AVho knows? or on what skies our morning lift? Mrs. D. It. It. Ooodata, in Good Cheer. IIC3I0R OF TIIE DAY. Two for scent The nostrils. A trim person Tho milliner. The best hand to hold in the game of. life is that of your best girl. Waterloo Observer. A new book is entitled "What Can a Woman Do? An answer to the question can be' found by asking most any bald headed man. Marathon Independent. A Quoen City girl eating souse. Caught a glimpse of a beautiful mouse, AVhon the note that sho reached, As she stood up and screeched, AVould have drawn a $10,000 house. Tho old proverb says that " Care will kill a cat." If that is correct, a large consignment of care can find employment for some timo in our back yard. Der rick. Young Man to Druggist "Can you give me anything to remove superfluous hair?" , Druggist, (thoughtfully scratch ing his bald head) "Hem I why don't you get married?" Somerville Journal. "Is your wife acquainted with the dead languages?" asked the professor of aNew raan man. "Maybe she is," was the reply, "but the language she uses is entirely too warm to have been dead very long." Milicaukie Sentinel. "AVhat do you learn from the parable of tho wise and foolish virgins?" was asked in a Texas Sunday-school. "That we must watch every hour for the brido groom," a blushing Galveston girl re plied. Galveston News. "Cooked potatoes," says the American Farmer, "are eaten greedily by hogs." Right you are. We have seen a hog at a hotel take the last ono out of the dish bo fore any human being ut tho table had a bite. Burlington llaickeye. Elephant trainers say that animal ex hibits great terror at the sight of a mouse. This isn't tho only respect in which the animal resembles a woman. It can't go any distance without taking a trunk with it. Ph ihulelphia Ch ron icle. "You see this passage is marked 'f,' " said the teacher: " f ' means forte, and it means to sing it louder." "Forty means louder, does it ?" asked the pupil. "Yes." "Then when its marked forty it should be sung like sixty." Derrick. "I belong to one of tho first families of the city," said a boasting youth. "Yes," was the reply of his tailor. "Your family, I have been informed, is always the first in asking credit when a new storekeeper starts iu your neighborhood." Chicago Sun. Some French scientist announces that a bee can pull thirty times as much as a horse in proportion to its size. A bee, no doubt, can pull a good deal when it feels like pulling, but it is probably more at home and less embarrassed when push ing. Philadelphia Call. Tho ladies who live on Capitol hill, Washington, have chosen Monday for re ception day. It is not stated, but they probably do their washing one day later in the week. Somo society ladies must resort to strange expedients to keep up appearances. Sorrutuwn Herald. Aspiring Artist I must say it is very inconsiderate of your father. (Sarcasti cally) I suppose if I were a pork-packer like himself ho would not object to our marriage. Dutiful Daughter Very likely not. lie says ho preters good pork' to bad pictures. Areu York Life. A young Alexandria miss W as asked by her beuu for a kiss, Demurely eouU.'iited tshe sweetly a.sseulod, And their li looked exactly liko this: CO H'usu'iici'oh Hatchet. Hut her pa interrupted the bliss. And suicl : " Who's this young roller, missP' And without uioi'u ado The young fellow How, And liu eyes looked exactly this: 00 -Eransville Argus. 'Way down in despair's black abyss, Sauk the heart of the youth, when a hiss From tlio parent so grim, Kent tlio dog utU-r him, And tho place the brute bit was liko this: -Carl Pretzel. Work and Rest. M. Bouchardat. professor of hygiene at tho Paris faculty of medicine, protests against tho oft-repeated adage that old, age is the ago of rest, unci says that the regular general exercise of the organs of nutrition and locomotion is necessury iu all ages. The fact that mental activity is conducive' to longevity is illustrated by the long'li't ol members of tho i'lelich academy of science oi men w ho ure over eighty vtars of uge. Dr. Fovtt' Ihallh Monthly.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers