Cjjt crest lUpabliraa u nmuf hd (tct vxBvmvki. n J. E. WENK. OfBoe in Bmeirbsagh ft Co.'s Baildin ELM STREET, - TI0NT1STA, PA, TICIIMS, l.BO PKIl YICAXl. No milmoriptlonri received for a isortor period ihnn thrn month. Oorrnopoiirlencr solicited from U pirtsof th country. No notice will betaken of anonymoutf communications. , xr, VOL. XVI. NO. 39. flQNES-TA. PA., WEDNESDAY, JAHUARt 9, 1684. $1.50 PER ANNUM. 1UVTE3 OF ADVERTISING. One Square, ono Inch, one inrl5n... ft One Nqiinre, one inch, one month..... One Square, one inch, three monChs. . One Siinnrn, one inch, one year Two Square", one year TT Onnrter Column, one year Half Column, one year ,fi 2 One Column, one year. " Ijegal notices at established rates. MioriRM and death notieee gratis. All bills for yearly advertisement ollU4 Quarterly. Temporary aaveruBiuuw , be pRiil in advance. Job work, cash on delivery NANCY. ' A.N IDYL OF THE KITCUB!. In brown Holland apron she stood in the kitchen; Her sleeves were rolled up, and her cheeks all aiclow; Her hair wai colled neatly, when I, indis creetly,. Btnod watching while Nancy was kneading the dough. Now, who could be neater, or brighter, or sweeter, Or who hum a sons "o delightfully low, Or who look so slender, so graceful, so tender, A Nancy, sweet Nancy, while kneading the dough? How deftly she pressed it, and squeezed it caressed it, And twisted and turned it, how quick and how slow. Ah, we, but that madness I've paid for in sadness ! Twos my heart she wai kneading as well ' as the dough. At )aat. when she turned for her pan tohe urcaser, , fcihe saw me and blushed, and said shyly, "Flcaso, go, Or my bread 1 11 bo spoiling, in spite of my toiling, If you stand here aud watch while I'm kneading the dough." I begged for permltwion to stay. She'd not listen; The sweet little tyrant said, "No, sir! no! no!" Yet when I had vanished on being thus ban ished, My heart stayed with Nancy while knead ing the dough. I'm dreaming, sweet Nancy, and see you In fancy ; Your heart, love, ha softened, and pitied my woo, - And we. dear, are rich in a dainty wee . $ . kitchen Where Nancy, my Nancy, stands kneading the dough. John A. Prater, Jr., in the Century, ' ROBBING TIIEGK. The four-horse mud wagon, called by ronimon consent a stage, which ran be twecn Bokev's and Logtown, was crawl ing up the long grade which corkscrcwid wound to "the summit of Pilot Knob. It was necessary to do this in order that a irood preparatory start might bo had for the succeeding rattling plunge down the other corkscrew road which led to Log town. . By the side of Black Pete, tho driver, sat an eastern importation of the genus "drummer" Pete rolled Ms touacco into his check, snapped a fly oil the ear of his nigh lender ami wild: ",No. sir. I don't, git no pay for figlirin', an' 1 don't do no fight in' for ther company. If ary galoot stops this hver stasre and perlitelv-liko asks fcr the rsLsli box. he's a gwine tcr nit it. 'Taint no use. no ways, to fight them fellers, they always hev ther drop on ye. 'But," siudthe drummer, " were you ' ever robbed on this route i " Wal, no, but I've seed fellers a loutiiy round heer e. 1 thought moughUdo it some time er other." "And if they did stop you, you would j;ivo them the express box and drive on, eh?" "Yerbct! If ther express company wants to perfect ther box, they must . Bend a messenger along." The stage crawled up slowly to the top of the hill, and Black Pete settled his foot tirmly on the brake-strap, and with a "scat Vm boys" the sweating horses started to investigate the myster ies of tho almost invisible road below them on a keen gallop. Bound and round the rapidly-varying road the stage and the passengers whirled,' sometimes losing sight of the horses around the sharp turns and again slewing sharply outward toward the dangerous .edge of the cauon which yawned low Them. v The sun. was down niul the moon was -...i.p lt!,.(;n ..,i,..l nut1iuii Khiulows on j lUJUlU 1 J 1 V. 1 - . ........... IJhe powdered dust of the tirade. to picture (scenes of violence, robbery aud blood. Suddenly the chupnrral bushes by the roadside; slightly parted, ' and a long shining black object was waved over them toward the stuge. A .. i. . - i:..l. shadowy ngure rose in mo ihuuluku. k among the bushes and from behind I lilnck veil, which smothered-the voice somewhat, came the hoarse command of a' " ston. ston!-' lilnck Pete huriieillv pushed his foot heavily down noon the brake, reached down into the bottom of the stage, pulling out the express box and mutter ing, "cuss ycr, take it," threw the box into the road. The restless horses im mediately plunged away into the shadows of the forest. " Wa-was that a highwayman?" gasped the drummer. "In course it Was." answered Pete, " didn't yer see ther shootin' iron ? Thar goes a cool tnousanu dollars, as i kuows on. You bet ther boys '11 be out arter him to-night. 1 shouldn't wonder if that war old Bait himself, lie's a cool one, he is. He always shoots his mouth c in some ootrv. Leaves it in the box when he gets through with it. Didn't ver notice how level he held that thar shootin' iron right toward nie '" The light of Logtown now glistened below them, and a few turns ot the- cork screw brought the stage up to the hotel porch, where it stopped with a loud "whoa!" from Black. Pete. Not many minutes elapsed before the prophecy of Pete was realized, for as the story of the bold robbery of Wells Si Fargo'sbox-was related a dozen or bo ready miners volun teered to search the woods for the road sgeuts. Alter half au hour's swearing and .drinking over the matter they saddled their horBPB ftnd started for the sccno of the robbery, . , n It was a little, cramped-up, helter-skelter mining town among the Sierras. Ono need not rise early in Scar's Hole to see the sun rise, for ho will not see it if ho does. Old Sol is never visible there until ten in tho morning. The rough, pictur esque cabins, looking for all tho world like dilapidated dice thrown at random from tho box, are built down deep in a hole between the surrounding peaksi And yet they actually had a telephone connec ting them with the outside world. Tho denizens of Seal's Hole were not given to an indulgence in business commu nications with the great commercia centers, but their telephone was tho means of Drcventinsf many of the inhabi tants from spending tho remainder of their earthly days at the insane asylum. Every morning when the echoing of the booming blasts and tho thud of the pick had ceased in the half dozen mining claims surrounding the camp, the wearied, lonelv miners trathered at the little cabin n winch was placed the telephone, ana gave vent to their pent-up feelings by, not a free fight, but by a free interchange of gossip w ith the residents of the camps above aud below them on tho line oi tno wire. Such was their inborn detestation of any man who followed any pursuit which did not require . active labor with their hands, and such was their chivalric de votion to the fair sex. that tho manage ment of their nart of the telephone was tnven to a vounir hulv by tno name oi Frances Goldsmith. On tho afternoon of June 20, 1880, Miss Frank, as she was usually called, sat in the little telephone office waiting for tho nightly crowd of manly gossipers to como in. The little rocking chair in which she sat went bumninz to and fro noisily and nervously tupon the pine noor, ana tne tinv slippered foot beat a nervous tattoo in unison with it. " It's too bad." she cried impetuously, " it's totj bad for Charley to work down .. . . 1 .11 1L. in that old nolo in tuo crounu au xuu winter and then sell out for a paltry thousand. And he's doing it just so ho can bo married this summer, too," and a pretty little wave of blood swept over the sweet neck and face. "He shan't do it. Charley don't know anything about a mine and he miLlit have a little bonanza and not lfnAr it t.at lin.n in iIaiii aimrilfitnil " IiOOTOWN. CAL, My Precious Frank: Bonn is negotia ting with me for my claim, and ho offers (l.oOUcash. I have not yet accepted it, but I have about made up my mind that I had totter do so. You know if I had that much cash.Icould have the face to ask you to hasten that long-hoDed-for happy day. For your fake, darling.IJbelieve it will be best for me to take this offer. If I do you may look for ma down early next weelc. Yours forever, CHARLES MOTLEY. "Hello, Frank!" shouted a smothered voice close to her ear; "are you there yet ?" Frances jumped to her feet and ran to tho telephone. "Dear me, I left the receiver hanging down, and they could not ring the bell." Sho out it to her ear and shouted back through the transmitter: "Yes. I'm here; what is it?" "Don't you forget to send that thousand up on tho stage to-nignt to jogtown, Tom says there's at least 10,000 in sight, Motley is a school marm and don't know it. Don't forget now. Good-bye." Frank's pretty eyes and mouth spread wider and wider as these words came out of the wonderful little instrument. "For goodness sake I who is ho talking to? Oh-h-h, v-e-est why it must be to Frank Downey, the express agent at Bokev. They've been talking together, and Downey has stopped and switched my end on. Motley is a school marm, is he ? There's $10,000 in sight and Charley don t know it, and the money is going up there on the stage from Hokey to night. Oh dear, what shall I do? I'll go up there. 1 will. It's only eight miles, and u s twenty from lioney. it s live o'clock, and the stage get there at nine." Frank was a California girl, and there were no perils to her ou tho eight-mile trail to Logtown, and if there had been, the slur cast upon Charley's keenPess, and the eager desire to save that " f 10, 000 in sight" for him would have been suthcient incentives to induce her to dare them, though sho knew they awaited her. Kuuuiug over to tho nostoflice, sho hurriedly engaged the young clerk to take care of tho instrument for her, and, I dashing back to her room, she soon ap peared ready for her eight-mile walk to Logtown. A little silk cap surmounted her head and over it was stretched a black veil to protect her face from tho sun and from the evening breezo after dark. Spreading her jaunty parasol she treaded her way along the narrow trail which led through the chaparral into the dark wooels. The sun was yet very hot, although almost down behind the hill, and the trail was steep and rocky, but rank pushed on, muttering to herself, when she felt so Urea sne was lempieu 10 su down and rest. "Charley's a school marm is he? Ten thousand dollars in sight and he don't know it, eh? Well, he shall know it, and have all the credit of the discovery, too. there now!" Up, up, down, down, around and around wound tho mountain Iran, ana rrann. wound with it. until tired, dusty, breath less, hoarse, and almost crying, sho saw the county highway in the sombre moon light lust below her. Just as sho reached the roadside aud was about to push through the chaparral which here reached to her shoulder sho heard the rumbling old stage coach com ing round a bend c lose to her. With a despairing resolve to go iu tit l.ast with the stage U sue could not befoie it. fche DUbhfed her closed bai'usol throui'h the buehes aud waved U to the I driver, shouting at the same time, hoarso from her excitement, "Stop I Stop!" But to her astonishment and dismay, instead of stopping the driver reached down into the boot, and with a "cuss yer, take it!" threw a heavy box into the road, and, lashing his four-in-hand into a run, disappeared dowtj the ennon. Poof Frank crouched down Into the chaparral In despair. "Oh. dear! I haven't walked there and I've lost the Stage and poor Charley oh, dear nie !" The spirit of a genuine California girl is not easily overcome with despair, and Frank was a genuine California girl and she was not to be beaten until sue w as. She got up, pulled her black veil tighter over her moist face and bravely started on again to Logtown. It was not far and not a half hour elapsed beforo she saw tho lights of tho little camp scattered around in tho canon below her. . . Breathless and panting she hurried to the tavern. A great crowd oi men were excitedly swearing and threatening on the porcn. Home were in mo sircct clinching saddles on to their horses, and in their midst Stood times: reie, vne stage driver. " Don t I know 1" no was angruy shouting, "I tell ycr 't war only a mile back, an' ther cuss shoved his shootin' iron right under my nose i vv ny umu I run fer it ? Thar war two uv 'em thar as sure as fightin'." Pretty soon, with a yell and a whoop, twenty men galloped up tho road with a suggestive-looking rope dangling from one of the saddles. Poor Frank hastened to find Charley. She found him sitting disconsolately on the back porch. " Why, Frank, what in the world are you doing here ?" Oh, Charley, nave jou sold inaemine yet ? Am I too late?" "Too late for what? Sold it? No, and don't believe I can. That man Bonn sent his money up by express and a road agent got away with the stage to-nignt, anoine money with. it. 1 oon t oeneve ue u nsn. another thousand on a played-out mine." "Oh goodie!" cried Frank, "I've got here in time. Road agent? Oh, that is too rich. Oh dear, oh dear, I shall die" and Frank's voice ended in a high squeak of laughter. "Frank, Frank! what is tho matter? What do you know about the road agent?". Frank was holding to ner sides in de spair of stopping her irrepressible laugh. "Road agent? There wasn't any road agent at all ; I stopped the stage to get on, and the driver threw a dox ai lrm-e i "What does this mean, Frank? fTell me, what were you doing on tho road at this time of night, au aionei It took her a long time to get the story out, but sho did, while Charley stood with his mouth open wide enougn to rep resent his played-out claim with "$10,000 in sight." No sooner had f rame toid ner siory that ho caught her in his arms with a wild shout; "you little darling, you shall have every cent of it." About two hours afterward a file of dis consolate, disgusted horsemen wended their way up to tho tavern, witn a sug gestive rope dangling from ono of the saddles" and a box containing $1,000. It is suthcient to relate that Charley did not sell his $10,000 in sight, but on tho contrary, received a much larger sum ; sufficient, in fact, to mako him a happier man financially and matrimonially. When enough of tho story had been told in the bar-room to account for the stopping of the stage Black Pete had to provide for a snnlo all round with acontiuuendo. tt Angdet (Col.) Recreation. WISE TTOKDS. SELECT SIFTING He is not likely to be a true man who is false to God. Falsehood always endeavors to copy the mien and attitude of truth. lie who can conceal his joy is greater than he who can conceal his griefs, Our happiness and misery are trusted to our conduct, and mada to depend Upon it. Nothing Is evet done beautifully which is done iri rivalship, nor flobly which is done in pride. Let us learn to appreciate and value at their true price the little blessings that come to us daily. There are men who love only them selves; and these are men of hatred, for to love one's self alone i3 to hate others. Remember that you go grow older everyday; if you have bad habits, they grow older too ; and the older both grow together the harder they are to separate. Our brains are seventy-year clocks. The angel of life winds them up once for all, then Closes tne case ana gives uie key into the haild of the angel of the resurrection. Whv is it that a blessing only when it is lost cuts as deep into the heart as a sharp diamondf wny musi wo mat ween before we can love so deeply that our hearts ache 1 My friend is one who takes me for what 1 am. A stranger takes me for something else than I am. We do not speak, we cannot communicate, till wo find that we are recognized. The stran ger supposes in our stead a third person, whom we do hot know, and We leave him to converse with that one. GOOD-BYE, OLD YEAH, GOOD-BYE! The Camorro. The secret society still exists in Naples, in spite of all tho efforts that have been made to root, it out. In tho vulgar ac captation of the term the camorra is simply an association of criminals, but with ramincation8 extending tnrougn au classes of society, even to the highest seat of authority. To give an example of its most primitive mode of expres sion : You hire a cab, and at the mo ment you take your seat the driver throws a halfpenny to tho ground. A ragged urchin picks it up, not for himself, but for tho camorra; that is its share its tithe on the driver's profit. Ths camorra takes cognizance of everything. If you nave a house to sell you must pay a tax to the" society, otherwise you will get no inirchasbr. Do you wish to buy one? Then pay ngain, else there will be a con soiracv to raise tho price. Nowand again 1 . i- t .i:. .n , you meet a."u wuu ins laiu ursngurcu by a scar. T jq 'jar is tho stump of tho society. The V- jer is a camorrista, who him offended ac.1 h 't its rules, and ai punishment has been markca witn a razor. 1 know a lori'ign muuuiuuiurer who dismissed two of his workmen, who afterward threatened to stub him. At first ho paid no heed to thur threats, but finding tho matter becomo serious he acted upon the advice ot a irienu, anu waited upon a camorrista leaufr. Tho latter said to him: "Are you deposed to pay us ten pounds a year, jnreti'rn for which we guarantee that no one shall touch you?" "Agreed," said tho for eigner. The chief sent for the two work men, who were members of the camorrfy and said to them : " From this day thct signore is under our protection." The stranger was never molested after that; and what is more extraordinary is, that every time he pays his contribution tho camorrist chief asks him, with an amiable smile, if ho has no little "commission" for him to execute. La France. A Pacific Coast Stage Robber. "Black Bart," a noted stage robber, has been captured in San Francisco. He is known to have "held up" twenty-seven stages sinco 1871, when he gave up school-teaching In the northern pitrt of California, having beert removed for playing draw poker. He was tracked and caught through a lauudryman's mark on a handkerchief that he dropped while hastening from the scene of his latest robbery. All the clothes on his person had the tell-tale marK. lie is over fifty years of age, lie was living in Ban Francisco, and was supposed 10 uo a miner whose business called him out of the city occasionally. He does not either smoke or drink, and tho proceeds of his robberies have been UBed in sup- nortinw himself. Thcv call him the poet robber, because no nas always leu mc scene of one of his exploits a slip oi rhyme in a disguised handwriting, signed "Black Bart. Fo 8." lie wore a mass, and a flour sack over his head, and an 11 i;nni rlnator nvar hia TtprSOIl. In St- UlVl UUI II ULllJ.t. U.K. J . tacking a stage he Sprang out and shielded himself in front of the lead horses. He has not taken human life On th contrary, he is polite, exceeding ly so to the lady passengers. He traveled on foot, and got liis tood in oui-oi-uiu way -places, anil never slept in a house. that was occupied. After the robbery on Bear Mountain he might nave goi a train for San Francisco within twelve miles of the scene, but ho walked 150 miles ovet tho mountains to the Carson mint to de posit the gold amalgam that was a part o the $4,000 that he got. The detectives, after the successful termination of five years of "shadowing," hurried hiin off to Calaveras county jail. His real name i unknown. New Work for the Life-SavIng Service. Professor Spencer F. Baird, United States commissioner of fish and fisheries, in conversation with a correspondent iu regard to the arrangement made with tho life-saving service for the announce ment of the stranding of marine animals, said: "A number of specimens have been already received, including some of much interest on account of their rarity. The animals reported thus far have been cetaceans and fishes, but it is probable that as time passes we shall obtain speci mens, not only of vertebrate animals, but of the mveneoraies as wen. .u tmcu arrangement exists in any other country. "Its importance to the advancement of the knowledge of tho larger marine verte brates cannot bo overrated," continued Professor Baird. "Hitherto zoologists have been forced to content themselves with examination of specimens of which tho stranding has been reported indi rectly through the newspapers or other wise. In the majority of such cases tho rapid progress of decomposition has made it impossible to preserve more than the skeleton, and so it has come about that tho external appearance of many largo pecies is quite unknown. JJy me pics ent admirable arrangement, however.aud the extension of our railroads, a special ist can be dispatched to almost any point on the Eastern coast in time to observe in a fresh state any stranded animal which may have been reported." Damascus has been a city for 3,308 years. Patents granted for title of nobility were first made in 1344, by Edward HI. Within eleven days after a dog gained access to a Kansas corral of 1,500 sheep, Over 300 died of hydrophobia. A deer was killed in Twigg county, Ga., by a railroad hand, who hit it with a shovel as it was running by him. The ebony tree grows to be fifteen feet in circumference. The outer wood is pure while, the heart only being perfectly black. The " Confederate rose " is a singular lv Joseph V, Bailey, of New Orleans. It is white in tho morning, but, red at night. It grows m large bunenw. Eighty thousand children in the North of England form the "Dickey uird socie ty," They are pledged to protect birds, never to destroy a nest, and to feed birds ' in winter. Among the missiles shot from cannon J in early times were bolts, which were I mentioned as early as 1413. In 1418 ! Henry V, ordered his clerk of the ord nance to get 7;WM0 snot maue ai iue stone quarries. English judges were formerly accus tomed to rebuke any gentleman or the bar, who casually said William the Con queror, instead of William I., on the ground that William succeeded to the throne by compact. Dclos HotchkisSj of Marion, Conn., in which stands rrob- ol.lir the nuist. remarkable apple tree in im .nrM In the first place, it is nearly BOO years old: it is sixty feet high; the rlinmetrf f the tree top is 104 feet, and the circumference of the trunk, three iw from the. frround. is fifteen and one- imlf feet. Ono of the peculLirides of this venerable tree is that it is "an alter nate bearer" five hmbs beanng iruit one year, and four the next; but, strange 10 sny( It showed us patriotism uu iuc -tehniiil year by bearing fruit on all its branches, the tirst time it ever did so. Tho Prussian fashion Of lwsstowmg honorary colonelcies began through the nilM- r.f Vrer nrir.lc tllC ureal, w no, min ing that his royal master owed him more than ho was likely to pay, obtained an audience e)f the king,, and .called his at tention to the numbers of foreign poten tates who visited his court. These per sonages, he represented, would doubtless bd nitich gratified if Frederick would create them generals and colonels in his redoubtable army; a uniform would , be necessary, and if the king would let him have the order he would at once cancel tho bill. Frederick consented, and hence, after some years, King Alphonso, Uhlan colonel, is hooted in Paris.- t'ha niti'tlrlfS: "a" and "ap," are abbreviations of Latin prepositions mean- trom. ", uwiw The balls ring slow, In muffled toney The chilling wind makes sadder moan, The flowers are dead, and all most die-Good-bye, Old Year, good-bye I The laughing streams run coldly now; Btorn winter reigns, with ice-crowned brow; Fair summer is dead and you must di Good-bye, Old Year, good-bye f Once you were young, but now you're old ; Our youth can ne'er be bought with gold; Your youth is dead; aU youth must die-Good-bye. Old Yew, good-bye 1 Your glory came; your glory's gone; All glory fades time breathes upon; All grandenr and pride shall surely die-Good-bye, 01 1 Year, good-bye t You brought us many glittering joys That eloved and broke like children's toys; Our joys you've killed, now you roosi die Good-bye, Old Year, good-Djnst You brought us much of galling grief, But, like our joys, its smart was brief ; If joy must die, then grief must die- Good-bye, Old Year, good-Dye i Thou wast a year of hundred years, Of glorious triumph that endears; But ah ! as the others, thou must die-Good-bye, Old Year, good-bye 1 Though husk must die, the kernel lives; So doth the truth each year e'er gives, Thou brongh'st as much that will not die-Good-bye, Old Year, good-bye t HUMOR OF THE DAY. inrr " nf " nd "" Or erally, when connected with names, they refer to the town or piace wneie one no born, or the family estate. In the case, for example, of Thomas a Kempis, author of that famous work entitled " Imitation of Christ," which has been translated into mof e laiigtlagrS thnrt any other book, save the Bible, tho " a '' denotes "from," His family nmne was Thomas Hammerketh He was born in 1379 or 13S0, in the town of Kempen, near Cologne. Ho was edu cated first at Daventer, then at Zwolle, and in the convent of St. Agnes. After the custom of the times at these schools, he was known as "Thomas from Kemp en," and, finally, as happened in many other such cases, tha school-namciushed aside the family namd. At a moderate estimate Philadelphia pours into tho sea $2,000,000 worth of ertilizers annually. Pampas plumes are mentioned fur use in mattresses on steamers. They are elastio and buoyant --plea-nut to lie on. j and valuable iw u life preserver iu ':;ie o accweui, Machine liuns. Machine guns in the field aro now en tirely abandoned. The French mitrail leuse, from which such wonders were ex pected, was as heavy as a field gun and required six horses to draw it. Its range was practically the sumo as that of iu funtry, and had its disadvantages. If the range was correct and the mark remainod steady, great execution was done, but tho slightest error would throw every bullet out. unless at short range. Both French and Germans have given up nia ifhino guns for the field, and have in creased aud developed their field artillery. luith ailiiiit. that tin) machine trim Driving Turkeys to Market. A Chicago correspondent of the Louis ville. Courier-Journal writes : 1 o a rortii em man's eyes there is nothing more in- j foresting than "driving turkeys to man . ket" in Kentucky. From about election day, in all Northern cities, until New- Year's day has come and gone, the turkey j is truly the great American bird ; but we seldom think about where tho thousands upon thousands of turkeys come from. 1 am prepared to take oath that Kentucky supplies them all. In one day's rido iu Bourbon couuty I believe I saw 10,000 turkeys. They arc bunched together In droves of from 100 to 1.000, their wiugs cropped, and then driven leisurely to market, like great droves of stock. Iam told that nearly every town of any size in Kentucky has its regular turkey abattoir, bearing, in this particular, the same rela tion to tho place as our great Chicago slaughtering houses do to this city, where these fowl are properly prepared for the more important city markets. The ink lin" I got ot the matter will always bring with my Thanksgiving or Christmas tur key pleasant pictures of corn-fields stud ded with girdled, gathered corn, of blue gross fields, and of smooth, sinuous pikes crowded with these fowls of the festival time all in a land of opulent plenty lying placidly beneath an autumnal Kentucky sun. fhey i-ln not ,nges. iee field artillery at urtillery und tnat us projectiles nuvo no i-.nu tbwer whatever against walls or buildings cuVarthworks ; but they bclawe w hen twin hostile bodies of iufuntry mo doting th. machine guu may be brought frum co-Kt, in which they bhouhl bu kept till tlKV'i and way then cxm M, gi"ul j'dUt ti:d Cft tUe result, Hair Oil. I A youngster on Case avenue had ' noticed a tall black bottle on his father's dressing table, and asked what it was. "That, my son, is hair oil," answered his father with a furtive and wandering look, "and it is not at all nice for little boys." The youthful questioner took a smell of tho contents and asked no more in formation on the subject. Ho kept up a good bit of thinking, however. Last Sunday the family entertained some friends ut dinner, and there was plum pudding with brandy sauce. The small boy had found his opportunity. Wheu lie was helped to the pudding he sized It up with large eyes. " Pa." he said, in a loud, shrill toue. us he sniffed the sauce afar otf. "the hair What has Random done that so many people elioot at him? ' ' Illuminated manuscript" that which is burning with wit. She is out of print now the woman who went back on calico to wear silk. It isn't a great ways to the end of a cat's nose, but it's fur to the end of its toil. The "skeleton in the closet" was first discovered when tho hoopskirt was in vented. It is hard to tell when a lie, a mos quito, or a delinquent subscriber is going to settle. ' No Zincola. A man does not receive a bek pension because ho was shot in the back. How a woman can keep on talking while sho twists up her back hair and has her mouth full of hairpina is a mys tery not yet explained. Japan has a weather bureau also, but It is wise and discreet, and doesn't pre dict rain until after the rain has soaked things for a day or two. Whenarnan finds a dog collar in a piece of mince pie he feels a little sorry for the dog, but his sympathies are mostly concentrated on himself. People talk about tho "new moon" tU im't anv new moon. It is the same old moon with a tallow dip nose, that has been circling around this world for ages. The "laying on of hands cure" is not the failure "some persons believe it to be. Many a wise and excellent mother has used it with great success in the treat ment of a refractory offspring. " There are 1,400,000,000 people upon the earth at present, according to the latest statistics," said Mrs. Smith, look ing up from the paper. " Only think of it i and we havu't had a caller for two days'." She "I am fond of poetry." Ho "Are you, indeed? So am I. Do you like Bums?" She-"No, indeed ; they a,'t stressing. But, h-'u. 1 Bra ,not troubled fnueli with them, as ma does all the cooking. A physician said jocosely to .noil mm pvenini: "I always when I see a policeman in the fnH there is no danger about. ..for rlmri T feel when I have about;" was tho bright retort. Sniffenliu his own estimation the ris ing poet of America): "Ah, do you know, Miss Bracing, that my fanc-wa always come to mo in my dreams! Miss Bracing: "Yes? that la perhaps , whv they mako other people so sleepy. Sniffen, after a moment's hesitation con cludes that it would be well to retire for a while. A young lady, evidently impressed with tho idea that sho knows all about it, says: "If a fellow is desperately in love with a girl and is insistent in las efforts to wJu her, he is sure to pain his suit. Widers understand this point, and know exactly how to make lovu and propose, and you will observe they are -always successful." Professor Newton savs that tho earth ' receives about 3,000,000,000 of meteors every year, but they only increase the size of the earth one inch in 100,000.000, years. This agrees with our observation during the past 100,000,000 years in re gard to the increase in tho size of the earth, though we never counted as many as 8,000,000,000 meteors in one year. As a dude was passing a residence in Lawrence, Mass., a little girl came to the door and cried: "Mouaey, jw'j. come into tho house!" Tho dudo was hopping mad, and was just aoout to ring the. bell and demand apologies of thu a police feel safe evening, . "les, a doctor les ot thu family, when ho saw that the girl was 1 ,...u;.. u little mifr dog in tho Ho cant get over u though. , An English artist who came to America ..!. i.itereHtH of one of tho illustrated --- . papers of London fell iu 1 ou thispuddin' siui'Us awful good." ktvolt i'r l'ith with bad com in Chica . - .,f i.i., utv in I'hiea'io. pany in ine coiuc in the morning he had neither money nor uny other valuables, but he remembered the faces of thoie who had been his com panions. So he mud portraits of theiu ram incmorv, i.ud took the pictures to the polioe, wbo wwu-a tle uf oflimds." !
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers