l;t orrst lif pub limn irrTLiBnitn trtiT wmvmtik-t, i J. E. WENK. Offloe in Smearbangh & Co.'s Builain ELM STREET, . TIONESTA, PA. 'KltMH, 81.no PKU "VICATt. No milmorijitlous rocoived for a shorter period than linen month. !..m -;'iiHloiicei-nliritod from all partaof the emu, try. Nmioiicewiil betakuu of ammymoiu iniMiinioiit.iotm. iLvrnj or advertising. One Riuiire, one inch, on insertion... $1 CO On Square, on inch, on month 8 00 l ne Sijii.ire, on. inch, thru month. . . fi O) ( hie W'Hinre, one inch, one year I 00 Two Kutinroa, ane year 1800 ynnrtor Colomn, one year 30 00 Half Column, one year - M00 On Column, on year ,,....100 00 Ipnl notices at established rate. Marriage and death notice gratis. All bills for yearly adTertisemenUcolleoteJ quarterly. Temporary adrertiiomsnta inuat he jmiil in advance. Job work, cash on delivery. VOL. XVI. NO. 27. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 10, 1883.' $1.50 PER ANNUM. M SI THE ERRAND, "W'hnt she said at homo: " Tho color of your mustache," mid she, " Is just the name shade as my hairl So, pleaxo go down to tho store for mo, Ami jHirchose a not for me there." AVhnt the shop girl said: " You wantod a not liko your mustache! Oh, yes. Your idea I got," And then to tho window she wont with a dash And brought on invisiblo not. . " - Life. ANNEXED BY THE" TSAR. He was a huge dog, ami lie stood by the kennel In old Dr. Gorharn's back yard In an attitude of tleep medita tion. There was one subject 'for dog thought lying right before him, and another lay only a yard or so beyond tho first. The one waa an empty "muzzle"' that lay upon the grass, close by a couple of well-picked bones. The sec ond was an equally empty steol collar, with a strong chain attached. The end. of the chain was hooked into a Staple at the side of the kennel door. Tsar was a dog to look twice at. His lather had been a Siberian blood hound and his mother an English mas tiff, and Dr. Gorham would have trusted him to pull down a wild bull or to ring church bell, if he could once have seized with his massive Jaws the nose of tho one or tho rlng-lng-rope of the other. Tsar made no audible remarks, but thero was no difficulty at all in divin ing his meditations. " They have fed me an hour before sundown, for some reason, and now they've gone off and neglectod me. No muzzle, no chain, no master around, and all tho country, left open to me. It Is a state of affairs to which I am not accu.sto.ned at this time of day. If there were another bono with meat on it, I'd know exactly what to do." He put out a great paw and turned the muzzle over. Then ho walked for ward and smelled of tho helpless col lar. Then ho peered solemnly into the kennel. There was a mystery about the whole matter, and it seemed to suggest a visit to the front gate. That, too, was wide open, as a witness to the haste required by the summons of the last patient, and Tsar could therefore walk out and look up and down the shady road for an explana tion of his own case. He could not see any, at first, for there wa3 nothing to be learned from a flock of geese, three hens and one stray calf. The very pig that was rootin'g under the walnut tree paid him no manner of at tention. Tsar shrugged his broad shoulders to make sure about tho collar, pawed his nose for a moment in memory of his muzzle, and turned for a look at the gate. Thero it was, with a very dingy old tin sign on one post, whoso faded letters read: "Dr. lleber Gor ham," and with a very now sign on the other post, whoso bright, fresh gilding announced Dr. lleber Gorham, Jr.," as .also ready for patients. That was all right, and it occurred to Tsar that a walk would be good for his health. lie acted on the suggestion promptly enough, but with dignity, as becamo a dog of his size ; and no voice from the house recalled him as ho marched away down tho road toward the sea. A sniff of salt air would be just the thing for his digestion after the hearty dinner he had eaten at the kennel. The sun was getting very low toward the horizon, and yet, away down there on the rock at the hea 1 of the cove a curly-headed young lady of nineteen or thereabouts was still seated, bend ing over a portfolio spread across her lap. From time to time she cast anxious glances from tho lines she traced upon the green sheet of bristol board under her hand to the more and more shadowy island out there in the mouth of the cove. " That will do," she said. " It looks bigger than the boat, now, but it isn't big enough for a tree. I must make the tree smaller; the cow's back, too it's half as h ng as tho island. There is always something dreadful the mat ter with my waves." She worked at the waves for a few minutes. "If I bad time, I'd try to put in the sunset. Dear me, how late it is ! It will be almost dark when I get home. It gets dark so quickly nowadays after it once begins." She arose a little hastily, but she gave the island a very long last look as she closed her portfolio long enough for a bystander to have read her name, in gilt letters, on the leather cover " I'ercie Lee." Hut no one was there to read, tor a lonelier spot than that would be hard to find, however well adapted It might be for tho making of marine sketches. I'ercie was in the road in half a min ute more, and she could but Bee that the shadiuvs were lengthening rapidlv. She red' Vd: "It is lonely for a little way'' -d Dr. Gorharn's, but I won't mf -ivm that to the village. I do hope I shall not meet lleber Gorham. I will not speak to him, if I do. I won't even sie him. lie has not called since he came back from Europe f and I hope he never will. I detest him." She said it with needless energy, and then she began to walk briskly on ward. She tried hard, too, to persuade herself that she was only wondering whether, in her sketch, she had made the horns of the cow bear a proper pro portion to the upper branches of the treo on the island. She was really al most thinking sincerely about the cow, nnd tho cow alone, when she suddenly felt called upon to exclaim: "Oh, that dog!" To be Bure, that dog. Tsar was on the other side of the road and ho did not seem to bo taking any particular notice of hert but thus l'ercio truly re marked of him: " lie iB perfectly enormous!" She forgot about the cow in an In Btant, but she did not speak her opin ion directly to tho dog. Neither did she think of sketching him, although ho was certainly worth it. She seemed hardly to care to look at him. Tsar, on his part, ha I taken a good look at l'ercio Lee. He was not mis taken about her for one moment. " Very nico girl. AVell dressed. Pretty, too; but she's out late. Most likely her family are friends of Dr. Gorham. I must have an eye on that young lady. It is getting dark." That eye was what startled Fordo i o dreadfully a moment later; for she happened to look behind her, and there was that vast creature solemnly stalk ing after her. He is following me I" she ex claimed. Not a doubt of It. and the fact that ho stopped or went on just a; she did hardly seemed to help the matter. It was getting darker and more shadowy every moment, and l'ercio woul I have been alnio-t willing to run, if she had not feared that if she did the dog would run too. He appeared larger and larger every time she glanced be hind her, until she wai afraid to look again, and her breathing grew a little hurried. " Nobody's any business to have such a dog !" the gasped in a whisper. "It's awful." "She seems to bo scared about some thing," thought Tsar. "Girls are apt to bo timid. Ah, I see ! It's those ra.gert rasc als coming down the road. Yillainou -looking vagabonds. If there is anything in this worl 1 that I hate, it is a tramp." This ;s a universal sentiment among dogs of Tsar's social standing; but tho three ruffi.ms who were now ap proaching were cither ignorant of that fact, or did not know thsit such a dog was so very near. " Dreadful men !" had been the un spoken thought in tho mind of I'ercie Lee, and it was followed by a doubt as to whether she should ever again dare to come down to the cove. "I must sketch tho island," 6he said, " but I will come in tho fore noon." Tho three men were walking abreast now, and they were plainly determined not to turn to tho right hand or the left for l'ercio Lee. She ha J just time to grasp that terrible idea and to feel her heart jump, when one of them actually spoke to her. She never knew what ho said, and her only reply, as she retreated a few steps, was an altogether unintended little st ream. It was not a loud one, and thero was mere surprise in it than fear, but it was followed by remark able consequences. Tsar had quickened his lordly pace full twenty seconds earlier, and for some reason of his own ho had ad vanced a little under the shadow of the fence; but his eyes had not wandered from tho human beings in the roa I before him. His head and tail were raised a trifle, and thero wa3 a very peculiar expression on his broad, hairy face. There was no love of tramps in it at all. " Oh, now, we hain't hurt you. You needn't squall." That was what the second of those three nitlians began to say, when an awful, wrathful, roaring growl, as of warning, sounded fiom some deep jawed cavern among the shadows at the right of l'ercio Lee. It was fol lowed, in one long, elastic, power-ex pressing bound, by a huge dark form that in one 6econd was crouching in front of her. The first and second tramp upset the third, and tumbled over him, so sudden was the retreat they male, while Tsar, for their special benelit and more at length, repeated his growl, with a supplementary snarl that sounded fearfully liko the an nouncement of another spring for ward. The remarks made by all of those vagabonds, as they scrambled to their feet, were in a manner complimentary t j Tsar, although not intended to be so. l'ercio Lee stood behind her protec tor, and she could not see, as they did, the white rows of gleaming teeth a id the fierce gren light in the threatening eyes. She could perfectly understand, however, that thero was an enormous amount of very good dog between her and any further ap proach to ruffianly insolence. She was almost astonished at the sudden feel ing of security which came upon her and at the entire ease with which she began to breathe again. Tsar did not spring. He did but crouch in that picturesque attitude until the nearest tramp was fifty yards away, on a steady rnn; and then he stood erect, sending after his ene mies one deep, sonorous " woof-oof," to keep them company. "Good dog I good fellow !" " Ur-r-r-r," was tho gentle response of Tsar, and ho even wagged his tail, moderately, but ho did not condescend to look around. He walked slowly :i up the road, and it was now lVrcio's , turn to follow Liui, "I do not think I had better leav her," said IV ar to himself; " not even when we get to our house." It was not until they had reached tho turn of the road, away beyond Dr Gorham's. that heat last stood still. I'ercie wished very much to pat Irm, but she could hardly muster couiago, and while sho was hesitating there came a sound of wheels, and a light buggy pulled up in the mlddlo of the road. " Dr. Gorham !'' "I'ercie Leo I Is that you? I do clare I Miss Lee and that big bruta it's all my fault. Did he scare you much, I'ercie Miss Lee?" " Is it your dog, lleber doctor?" "Tsar I Come hero, sir I" " Oh, doctor, don't scold him. lis lias been taking care of me. There were three of them." ' Dogs, Miss Lee?" "No, sir, tramps. Dreadful-looking they spoke he is a splendid dog; beautiful." " He? Ah well it's a good thing he didn't take hold of one of them. There'd been a fine surgical case pre pared for mo in no time. But how did he happen to be out ? Unmuzzled, too. I remember, now. All my fault." "I guess he must have been left out to take care of me, doctor." "Ain't I glad of it, though? Now, Miss Lee, you must step right into my buggy, and let me carry you home. Tsar, go home, sir I" He turned to obey, but a small, white hand was on his head as ho did so. " Good dog, Tsar ; thank you, sir." It was odd, indeed, but something in that remark seemed aimed at the d'g ; and it must have hit him, too, by the proud way of his walking off ; but some of it went further. The young physician assisted Percio into tho buggy, and drove away ; and it was quito a distanco around tho corner of the main road that they passed a dimly discernible and quite breathless group ttmt leaned against a fence. JSobody going by in a buggy could have heard them mutter: " Tell ye what, boys, that was tho awfulest dog I ever seen." "Guess we won't try that there road agin to-night. He's loose." "All them sort o' dogs has got to be killed off, or the roads won't bo safe." Perhaps, but at that moment Tsar was re-entering his own yard, for he went straight back to his quarters. He stood for a moment turning over his empty muzzle with his paw and then lay heavily down. He thought he un derstood the entire matter now. "lleber Gorham knew that that young lady would bo in need of me. It's all right, but I doubt if I did my whole duty. Unmuzzled, too. A lost opportunity 1" As to the tramps, yes, but not as to all other parts of his performance. 11c never knew how it afterward came to pass, but before long he discovered that he had formed a habit of going down to the cove with Percie Lee, to see her take sketches of islands, trees, waves, cows and other matters and things, and of remaining until Heber Gorham, Jr., M. P., came to take his place, with or without a buggy. He failed fully to understand the business until another sort of day arrive 1, when he found himself called upon to attend a wedding, by special invitation of Percie Leo ; and then to recognize her as a permanent addition to his own household at the old Gorharn home stead. He agreed to it. He had liked that young woman from the first time he saw her. And so, to tell the truth, had his master.- IV. I). Stoddard, in Atlantic Monthly, A Turkey Charmed by a Snake. A correspondent writes from Agua Limma, Cab. to the Los Angeles I'imes as follows: Last week in my cow cor ral was a little snake four feet long, and in his mouth was a cotton-tail rab-, bit. The rabbit was a common-sized one, and its head was down the snake's throat to the shoulders. It was a fear ful sight and frightened the cows, also the boy who shot it with a "Win chester rille. Two days later I heard a turkey making an alarm. I went to it, and a turkey, half-grown, had its feathers all tho wrong way and its head near the ground, and was within eighteen or twenty inches of a black rattlesnake, and was getting nearer. Neither of them noticed me until I disturbed tho snake with a stone, taking him by surprise. The turkey seemed to bo relieved. AVhat the snake would have done I do not know, but it seemed to me thai ho had tho turkey under his control, .nd woul I in a very short timo have struck it. A Hen Whips a Rat A California hen, while scratching with her brood of chicks recently, was ihargedujon by a full grown rat. Sho immeliately gathered her flock and awaited the onslaught. The rat, some what checked by her bold front, crouched for a moment, and then ma le a dart for one of the chicks. In an instant the old hen Hew at her enemy, and striking it with her bill, grabbed it by the back and threw it in tho air. Tho rat came down w ith a thump upon the walk, but before it could regain its feet the hen repeated the performance, an I kept it up until the rat was only able to crawl away a few feet and die. Alter contemplating her foe for a few moments, the old hen called her brood around her and walked of. THE BAD BOY ON A FARM. HE TELLS THE GROCERY MAW EIS DOLEFUL EXPERIENCE. Work I ns n. Week n, n Farm rfnnd TI Known When He Haft -t Chough How tho 1'iirnier Mnde Him flax Around. " Want to buy any cabbages?" said tho bad boy to tho grocery man, as he stopped at tho door of the grocery, dressed in a blue wamus, his breeches tucked in his boots, and an old hat on his head, with a hole that let out his hair through tho top. He had got out of a democrat wagon, and wa3 holding the lines hitched to a horse about forty years old, that leaned against the hitching-post to rest. "Only a shil ling apiece." " Oh, go 'way," said the grocery man. " 1 only pay three cents apiece." And then ho looked at the boy and said: "Hello, Hennery, is that you? I have missed you all the week, and now you como on to me sudden, dis guised as a granger. What does this all mean ?" "It means that I have been the victim of as vile a conspiracy as ever was known since Ciesar was stabbed and Mark Antony orated over his prostrate corpse in the Boman forum to an audience of supes and scene shifters," and the boy dropped the lines on the sidewalk, and said : "Whoa, gol blarne you," to the horse that was asleep, wiped his boots on the grass in front of the store and came in and seated himself on the old half-bushel. " There, this seems like home again." "What's the row? Who has been playing it on you?" and the grocery man smelled a sharp trade in cabbages, as well as other smells peculiar to the farm. "Well, I'll tell you. Lately our folks have been constantly talking of the independent life of the farmer, and how easy it is, and how they would like it if I would learn to be a farmer. They said there was nothing like it, and several of the neighbors joined in and said I had the natural ability to be one of the most successful farmers in the State. They all drew pictures of the fun it was to work on a farm, where you could get your work done and take your fish-pole and go off and catch fish, or a gun and go out and kill game, and how you could ride horses, and pitch hav. and smell the sweet perfume, and go to husking bees and dances, and everything, ana they got me all worked up so 1 wanted to go to work on a farm. Then an old deacon that belongs to our church, who runs a farm about eight miles out of town, he came on the scene and said he wanted a boy, and if I would go out and work for him ho would be easy on me because ho knew my folks, and we belonged to tho same church. I can see it now. It was .all a put up job on me, just like they play three card monte on a fresh stran ger. 1 was took in. By gosh, I have been out there a week, and here's what there is left of me. The only way I got a chance to come to town was to tell the farmer I could sell cabbages to you for a shilling apiece. I knew you sold them for fifteen cents and I thought you would pay a shilling. So the farmer said he would pay mo my wages in cabbages at a shilling apiece, and only charge mo a dollar for a horso and wagon to bring them in. So you only pay three cents. Here are thirty cabbages, which will come to ninety cents. 1 pay a dollar for the horse, and when I get back to the farm I owe the farmer ten cents, beside working a week for nothing. Oh, it is all right. I don't kick, but this ends farming for Hennery. I know when I have got enough of an easy life on a farm. I prefer a hard life, breaking stones on the streets, to an easy, dreamy life on a farm." "They did play it on you, didn't they," said the grocery man. "But wasn't the old deacon a good man to work for ?" ' Good man nothing" said tho boy, as lie took up a piece of horse rad ish and began to grate it on tho inside of his rough hand. " I tell you there's a heap of difference in a deacon in Sunday-school, telling about sowing w heat and tares, ami a deacon out on a farm in a hurrying season, when there is hay to get in and wheat to harve t all at tho same time. I went out to the farm Sunday evening with the deacon and his wife, and they couldn't talk too much about the nice time we would have, and the fun; but the deacon changed more than forty decree in five minut s alter we got i ut to tho farm. He jumped out i f the wagon and pulled off his coat, and let his wife climb out over tho wheel, and yelled to the hired girl t bring out the milk pail, an I told me to ily around and unharness tho horse, and throw down a lot of hay for all tho work animals, and then told me to run down to tho pasture and drive up a lot of cows. Tho pasture was half a mile away, and tho cows wcro s uttered I around in the woods, and the mosquitoes were thii k, and I got all cover, d with, mud and burrs, and stung with thMI s, and when got tho cattle near to the house the ol deacon yelled to me that 1 was slower than molasses in the winter, and then I took a ( lub and tried to hurry tho cows, and he yelled to me to stop hurryin, 'causo I would rtard the flow of milk, liy gosh 1 was mad. 1 asked for a mosquito bar to put over me next time 1 went aft: r the cows, and the people all laughed at, m,-, an 1 when I sat down on the fence to ssrape tho mud off my Sunday pants the deacon yelled like ho does in the revi val only he said, 'Come, come, pro crastination is the thief of time. You get up and hump yourself and go and Iced the pigs.' He was so blarne mean that I could not help throwing a burr dock bur against the side of the cow he was milking, and it struck her right in the flank on the other side from where the deacon was. AVell, you'd a dido to see tho cow jump up and blat. All four of her feet were off the ground at a time, and.I guess most of them hit tho dea-on on his Sun day vest, and tho rest hit the milk pa l, and tho cow backed against the fence .and bellerel, and the deacon was all covered with milk and cow hair, and he got up and thro wed tho three legged stool at the cow and hit her on the horn, and it glanced off and hit me on tho pants just as I went over the fence to feed the pigs. I didn't know a deacon could talk so sassy at a cow and como so near swearing without actually saying cuss words. Well, I lugged swill until I was homesick to my stomach, and then I had to clean off horses and go to the neighbors about a mile away to borrow a lot of rakes to use the next day. I was so tired I almost cried, and then I had to draw two barrels of water with a well bucket to cleanse for washing the next day, and by that time I wanted to die. It was most 9 o'clock, and I began to think about supper, when the deacon said all they had was bread aud milk for supper Sunday night and I rasseled with a tin basin of skim milk and some old back number bread, and wanted to go to bed, but the deacon wanted to know if I was heathen enough to want to go to bed without evening prayers. There was one thing I was less mashed on than evening prayers about that minute, but I had to take a prayer half a hour long on top of that skim-milk, and I guess it curdled the milk, for I hadn't been in bed more than half a hour bo fore I had the wort colic a boy ever had, and I thought I should die all alone up in that garret, on the floor, with nothing to make my last hours pleasant but some rats playing with ears of seed corn on the floor, and mice running through some dry pea pods. But, oh, how different the deacon talked in the evening devotions from what he did when the cow was gallop ing in him in the barn yard. Well, I got through the colic and was just get ting to sleep when the deacon yelled for mo to get up and hustle down stair. I thought maybe the house was on fire, 'cause I smelled smoke, and I got into my trousers and came downstairs on a jump, yelling Mire,' when the deacon grabbed me and told me to get down on my knees, and be fore I knew it he M as into tho morn ing devotions, and then he said 'amen' and jumped up and said fur us to fire breakfast into us quick and get to work doing the chores. I looked at the clock and it was just 3 o'clock in the morning, just the time pa comes home and goes to be I in town, when he is running a political campaign. Well, sir, I had to jump from one thing to another from 3 o'clock in tho morning till nine at night, pitching hay, driving reaper, raking and binding, shocking wheat, hoeing corn, and everything, and I never got a kind word. I spoiled my clothes, and I think another week would make a pirate of me. "Now, you take these cabbages and give me ninety cents, and I will go home and borrow ten cents to make un the dollar, and send my chum back with the horse and wagon and my resignation. I was not cut out for a farmer. Talk about fishing, the only fi-h 1 saw was a salt white fish we had for breakfast one morning, which was salted by Noah, in the ark," and whilo the grocery man was unloading tho cabbages the boy went out to look for his chum, and later the two boys were seen driving off toward the farm with two fish-poles sticking out of the hind end of the wagon. 1' tele's Sun. England's Hangman. The executioner of all England, tho illustrious Marwood, has been giving li s views on the general subjt ct of h inging and upon his own achieve ments in particular. The great artist has made several bad botches lately, but he has nevertheless an exalted opinion of his skill. Tho American method, ho declares, is very bungling and would not do in England; tho Spanish garroto ho has never seen, but considers it a disgrace to the country; the guillotine is far inferior to the gal lows as operated by Marwood, being far more painful and less prompt. Ho scouts tho suggestion of poison or elec tricity as an instrument of judicial death, and declares that the condemned should meet his late like a man. Liberality. Poor relation "I didn't know but, as you were refurnishing tho house, some of tho discarded artich s might be of use to me, if you was only of a mind to" Kieli relation Why. certainly; I'm glad you .spoke of it. Wo are going to repaper tho dining room. I'll send you down the old paoer when it's torn off. It isn't badly soiled." Hartford Pout. When Hamlet said, "But I have that within which passeth show," it is be l.cved that lie had in his pocket acorn-p-i,iM'iitar' ticket for the drcus. Lfe, BONO OF THE ADVEHT1SER. I am an advertiser great In letters bold and big and round The praise of my wares I sound Prosperity is my estate The people come, the peoplo go In one continuous, surging flow; They buy my goods and como again, And I'm tho happiest of men ; And this the reason I relate I am an advertiser great. There is a shop across the way Where ne'er is heard a human trend Where trade is paralyzed aud dead With ne'er a customer a day, The people come, the people go But never there they do not know There's such a shop beneath the skies, Because he doesn't advertise; While I with pleasure contemplate That rm an advertiser great. The secret of my fortune lies In one small fact, which I may state Too many tradesmen learn too late- If I have goods, I advertise 1 . . Then people come, and people go In constant streams, for ieople know That he who has good wares to sell Will surely advertise them woll; And proudly I reiterate I am an advertiser great! HUMOR OF THE DAY. 'Are things what they seem ?" asks the Giaphic. If they seem pretty tough they are. Boston Post. L. remarked to his wife that a friend "had plenty of grit." "Well, yes," she replied, " he looks as if ho needed a bath." Toledo Blade. Bunker Hill monument is a cheap advertising medium. It only costs twenty-five cents to go to the top of the column. Boston Commercial Bulr letin. '. Battler says the cures effected by laying on of hands is an old story with him. His mother often indulge! in the pastime in times past. Boston Courier. Thousands of men have commenced at the bottom of the ladder and stayed there. Others have carried bricks and mortar and reached the top by honest Industry. Picayune. John Kussell Young is writing a history of China. AVhat tho American housewife sighs for is a well written and truthful obituary of the lady who chips the China Hawkeye. "Crushed strawberry" may be a new color for a lady's dress, but "smashed custard" ha3 been a well-known tint for a young man's trousers ever since the picnic was invented. Arg n.a :, t. "No more strikes are looked for among the Erie switchmen," says an exchange. This information will bo very gratifying to the school! o;.s who live in that section of Pennsylvania. Statesman. An Indiana poet has wri ten scm ; verses on the opulence of Ids poverty. What worries most of us atth;;p;eseut time is the poverty of ( ur opulence. It is too sad a thing to write verses about. New Yorli Conumrcial. It make3 a man sorely pu .zled to know, when ho takes his shoo off at night, how in the world a pie.e of wood the size of a lead pencil ever worked In through a crevice about a sixteenth of an Inch wide. Puck, A sponge measuring eight feet In circumference was recently discovere I at Key AVest. It had several i'resb newspapers in its hand and a borrowe I umbrolla, and wore white breeches and a silk coat Burlington, Fne l'rs. The cost of stopping a train of cars Is said to le from forty to sixty cents. But it wouldn't do any good to hold up half a dollar to the brakeman on the rear end of the train you have just missed, as it goes out of tho depot. Lowell Citizen. "AVhat is that you are wearing?" asked Parmer John of his fair city boarder. "Oh, that is my red jersey." "All right," was the reply, "but don't go near my brown Jersey over in that field, unless you are good at climbing trees." Philadelphia News. An exchange says that newspaper editors never " strike," but tho asser tion is not borne out by the faet3. An editor onco struck so hard that a wild eyed man, with long hair iind a long poem, went downstairs seven steps at u time, and landed on his spinal col umn at the bottom. Morrlstown Herald The question "AVhere do all the pins go?" is ag11'11 revived. A country edi tor confesses that it cannot be said, perhaps, where they all go, but when one's wifo is away, and one is standing on one leg. grinding one's teeth and trying to p'Q :i collar together in tho ul senco of shirt buttons, somo of them go into one's neck New York Com vnriial. The young minister, Mr. AV , o a AVe-tern city, was invited to occupy tho pulpit in an Albany church. His two sisters, chancing to be near Albany, made their plans to go there for that Sunday and hear him. After tho ser vice a gentleman of the congregation, whom they knew very slightly, hurried toward them and said: "Wo are de lighted to see you here, but bow un fortunate that you should have ihosen to-.lay. Don't, 1 beg of you, think that this is our minister. Dr. is off on his vacation and we have to take what we can gtt but come next Sunday, if you'rei n town, and you'll hear a ser mon worth listening .o."--2,rcy i'r-;
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers