Etf ftm lirplilifctt rtmusniD irKBT wkdkkiday. bt J. E. WENK. OITloe In Smoarbaugh & Co.'i Building, ELM STREET, - TIONESTA, PA. TICIiMS, I1.CO PKH YEAR. No subscriptions received for a ahorter period thnn threo months. Correspondence solicited from all parts of tht country. No notice will be takun of anonymous rommmilcstionn. RATE3 OF ADVELRTISINGk One Bnnare, on Inoh, one inssrtioa... fit One Square, one inch, one month ..... One Bquare, one inoh, three monftie. . . 4 VV One Hqnnre, one inch, one year MO Two Squares, ene year II M Quarter Column, one year M W Half Oolnmn, one year M w One Column, one year 109 M Ijegal notices at established rate. Marriage and death notions gTatia. AH bills for yearly advertisement oeflMteJl quarterly. Temporary advertisements mint be paid in advance. Job work, cash on delivery do VOL. XVI, HO. 15. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, JDLY 18, 1883, $1.50 PER ANNUM. s 7 A SONO OF WAKING, Tbo mnplo buds are roJ, liro rod, Tho robin's cull is swoot i Tho liluo pky flouts above thy bond, Tho violets kins t!iy feet. The r un paint emeralds on tho spray And sapphire on Hie lake ; A million wings unfold to-day, A million flowers nwako. Their starry cups tho cowslips lift . To rnk'h the golden light, And like a spirit froth from shrif Tho cherry (reo in white. The innocent looks up with eyes Tlmt know no deeper shnde Than falls from wing of bnttcrflies Too fair to make afrnid. With long, green raiment blown and wet Tho willow?, hand in linnd, I.enn low to teach tho rivulet W'hat trees may underatand Of murmurous tuno and idle dance, With broken rhymes whose How A poet's ear shall catch, perchance, . A neon) of miles below. Across the sky to fairy realm There sails a cloudboin ship ; A wind sprito standeth at tho helm, With laughter ou his lip ; The molting masts are tipped with gold. Tho broidored pennon. stream j Tho vessel ben ret h in her hold The lading of a dream. It is tho hour to rend thy chains, The blorsom time of souls. Yield all tho rest to caro and pains J To-day delight controls. Ciird on thy glory and thy pride, For growth is of the sun. Expand thy wings what e'er botido, The summer is begun. Katherine. Lte, Hates. A WHITE HKAUT DIAMOND. Mr. Peter Pinto was perhaps ono of the most enthusiastic of modern collectors. Far bo it from us to convoy the im pression that he went around with a pencil and a pocketbook bulging full of papers in behalf of gas companies and cheap coal associations. On the contrary, ho despised 1 rado and nil its plebeian concomitants. lie kept a genealogical tree, and prided himself on being distantly related to some one or other who had come over In the Mayllower, and having a cousin who had once known Longfellow, the poet, lie read, studied high art and devoted himself to the dream-world of the ideal. His floors were carpeted with tiger skins, dimly splendid draperies hung on his walls and shut out what little sunshine liltered through tho medi eval glass of his st;unod win lows. lie de lighted in moWy folios, rare editions, grinning Chinese idols and masses of charmingly ugly Eastern lac pier work. But the taste which had the strong est possession of his soul, and which dragged most persistently at his purse strings, was ono for precious tones. " If it hadn't been for that, I should have been a rich man long ago," sighed Mr. I'into. " Of course 1 can't indulgo in it, as I should like no man could, unless he had the income of a duke. But I can aspire I can aspire '." And as Mr. Peter I'into had in herited a snug little fortune from his father, and fallen heir to the united savings of several maiden aunts, he had been enabled to prosecute his caprice in no contemptible degree. He owned an Eastern opal, a black pearl, a pair of unapproachably-tinted topazes, several peculiarly-shaped tur quoises and tin agate with a human face distinctly massed in its outlines, lie kept his treasures locked in velvet lined cases within the iron jaws of a tremendous fireproof safe, and prowled around the jewelry 6tores, pawnshops and second-hand repositories with a perseverance worthy of Bruce's spider. And when he became meditative and uP(j to jj0 confidential he would , ,1 think if once I could gain pos jsion of this white heart diamond I nould be quite quite happy !" But the white heart diamond had to all appearance been withdrawn from circulation. It was known only by rumor. It had retired somewhere into conventual seclusion, and with un paralleled modesty do.din?d to re appear. That there had once been a white heart diamond was proved by the con versation of grizzle-headed old lapi daries, who had grown crooked by long sitting over .magnifying glasses, and tho tales of retired jewelers who had made their fortunes long ago. From all accounts it was a stone of medium size, but rare color and lire a stone whieli was a veritable General ' Georgo Washington among diamonds a stone whose renown had even reached foreign parts and achieved the dignity of an especial article in the J.ap'dari'' Journal of Vienna. And to Mr. Peter I'into the white heart diaiJtond represented the roa's egg of Aladdin's palace! Until one day an old workman in precious stones beckoned him into tho lien where ho was cutting sapphires with a whirling little wheel, which sung like a mechanical bumblebee at its work. "I've heerd of it," said he. " Of" gasped Mr. I'into. Of the white heart diamond!" said tho workmau. " No!" shouted the collector, breath lessly. "A true 03 you live," podded the old man. " I always knowed it was in theJorgcns-n family. Couldn't ha' got out o' it, don't you see? Hut I never found out afore yesterday as there was an old huly Miss Mehitablo Jorgen sen a so-ond cousin of old Jan J or-gi-nsen's daughter, livin' up in the atskills. There was some old-fashioned sleeve-buttons come in to be mended yesterday, with M. J.' on 'em. P. less your heart! I could have told old Jen's twis'.ed initials anywhere. Didn't have no monograms in them days, you know. Nieco left 'em. V pretty girl, with red cheeks. I'm to send 'em back by mail when they're done." Mr. I'into drew a long breath. " I'll go t j the Catskills at once," said he. "Fair and softly, fair and softly!" said old Caleb Grinder. "Tho white heart diamond was always shy game. Mind you don't frighten it!" " I shall know how to behave," said Mr. Pinto, with dignity. "The address, Grinder, if you please." And so, clad like unto the inevitable sketching tourist whs infests all tho wildernesses within a hundrel miles of Sew York, Mr. Peter Pinto ' put money in his purse" and started for the cottage in the Catskills, resolved to approach the subject with the most cautious winds and turnings of diplo matic skill. Miss Jorgensen was a tall, crooked woman of fifty, with scant, iron-gray hair, a forbidding visage, and eyes sis sharp and keen as those of a hawk. Hetty, her niece Mehitable, junior, as the old lady called her was plump and pink-cheeked, with hair of real poet's gold, and a laugh like the chirp of a blackbird. "Oh, yes," said Hetty, with the ut most frankness, " aunty will bo glad to take a boarder. Only, please, you may transact all the business with me. Aunty belongs to a fine old family I'm only related on the mother's side and it hurts her pride to think of keeping boarders. So, if you would make believe to be a visitor it would be a great accommodation, and no harm done. We can only spare the little garret bedroom; but there's a fine view, and you will find everything very clean." And thus to' his unmitigated sur prise and amazement Mr. Pinto found himself at last under tho same roof with the white heart diamond. Of course there was e, certain out ward show to be kept up. Mr. Pinto was obliged to spend much of his time in the woods making meaningless at tempts at sketching, while his heart yearned after the mystic jewel. lie strove vainly tor something like confidential intimacy with his hostess; but in vain Miss Jorgensen froze liiin. Mie kept him at ceremonial arm's-length. Hetty was social, smiling, alwavs ready to talk, but Miss Jorgensen never lorgot that she belonged to alamily. I ntil, one day, an inspiration seized upon our hero. "Byjovel" he profanely exclaimed, "I'll marry the old woman, if there isn't any other way to get at the wime neart diamond! But that evening as he came in a little later than usual, with the purple twilight glowing in the horizon, and a score of whip-poor-wills singing in the glen, he met Hetty at the gate, bhe started and colored like a rose bud, and, murmuring some trivial excuse, flitted away. Mr. I'into stooped and picked up a flower which she had dropped. " Hello !" he said to himself; "this complicates matters. Little Hetty is in love with me 1" It was not such an unplefisant idea; but, of course, it could not be enter tained for a single moment. The white heart diamond was his coul's sweetheart. Tho white heart diamond only was the treasure on which he was bent. Accidentally, as it seemed, but in reality from a carefully-laid train of associations, tho conversation turned o:i jewels that evening, as Miss Jor gensen sat knitting by the lamp, and Hetty was picking over blackberries for tho morrow's jam, in the outer porch. "Talking of diamonds," said Miss Jorgensen, fortifying herself with a pinch of snurt' Mr. i'into hated snuff "there's a very valuable Siam in our family, which " " Aunt," said Hetty, coming in, " Mrs. Dideombe wants to see you just a minute, about the next meeting of the Dorcas society." Miss Jorgensen bustled out. Mr. I'into smote the table with the flat of his hand. " I'll do it 1" he said. And he did it within the next half hour. "It may seem premature, dear Mws Jorgensen," he said, after having gone stiilly down upon his knees, "but our hearts do not beat by rule or calenda". I behold in you a congenial spirit. I love you ! Will you be mine?" "Go idness me 1" said Miss Jorgen sen. " Well, 1 never did ! But. of course, if your happiness is involved I wonder what Hetty will say?" Mr. i'into clasped the wrinkled hand, pressed a kiss on the snuff-flavored cheek, and with an ecstatic thrill thought of the white heart diamond. Hetty came smiling in presently, and Miss Jorgensen told her of the new page in her life's history. Mr. Piuto expected to see her blush, scream, or perhaps even faint a, way. But she did none of the three. She did not behave at all like a broken-hearted heroine of romance. " Oh, I'm so glad I" said she. "Now I can leave you with a clear conscience, Aunt Mehitablo." " Hie has been engagod to Thilo Wetherlie for a year," explained Miss Jorgensen. "P'raps you've noticed her of an evening hanging over the gate waitin' for him to go by with the cows." "Oh, aunty, I didn't!" said Hetty. "La, child, it's nothing to bo ashamed of," said Miss Jorgensen, chuckling. Mr. I'into bit his lip. He would like to have pitched Philo AVethcrlie, whomever be might be, over the cliff. But, however, this had nothing to do with the while heart diamond, and when Hetty tripped out again he led the way as gently as possible to the fascinating subject once again. " You were speaking," said ho, with an insinuating smile, "of a famous dia mond which " "Oh, yes," said Miss Jorgensen. " Tho white heart diamond, they called it." I am something of a judge of such matters," said Mr. Pinto, his heart beating a reveille in his bosom. "If you would allow mo to look at it " Miss Jorgensen shook her head. "1 couldn't," Slid she. "I sold it three and twenty years ago to my cousin, Philo Jorgensen. He was drowned on the very next voyage he made to Amsterdam diamond and all, for he always carried it in a little chamois-leather bag next his heart. He had a very good imitation put into tho setting for me. I've got it some where upstairs. And, alter all, what could I do with a thousand-dollar dia mond?" Mr. Pinto drew his breath with a little gasp. Had he sold himself for the rest of his days for a mere bit of paste, a fasceted lump of glass, while all tho time the white heart diamond lay fathoms d"ep in the sea ? Angels and ministers of grace defend him ! It could not be 1 But he bad a great deal of fortitude and self-reliance. He played the de voted lover to Miss Jorgensen's entire satisfaction all the evening, but when Hetty came to call him to breakfast the next morning his bed had not been slept in, and he was over the hills and far away. In fact he had run away. Miss Jorgensen wa3 rather indig nant at first, but when Hetty ex claimed, "He must be a crazy man, aunty," she concluded that all was undoubtedly for the best. "But," sU. said, with a smirk, "be was certainljrvery much in love !" "Yes, indeed, aunty," said Hetty, with the utmost gravity. And thus briefly and logically ended Mr. Pinto's search for the famous white heart diamond. Helen Forrest U races. The Tagodas of Japan. An instance of the way in which man adapts himself to his surround ings is shown by tho Japanese in the construction of their pagodas. These curious buildings are the most remark able specimens of Eastern architecture. They often rise to a great height, and, although they are built in aland where earthquakes are severe and frequent, some of them have stood unimpaired for six or seven hundred years. Any tall building of brick or stone would certainly ba overthrown by an earth quake; therefore the pagodas are built of wood, and in a manner which evinces the great ingenuity of Japanese architects. A traveler thus describes one which he visited: When I first ascendel I was struck with the amount of timber employed in its construction; and I could not help feeling that the material here wasted was even absurdly excessive. But what offended my feelings most was the presence of n enormous log of wood, in the center of the structure, which ascended from its base to its apex. At the top this mass of timber was nearly two feet in diameter, and lower down a log equally large was bolted to each of the four sides of this central mass. I was so surprised with this waste of timber that I called the attention of my good friend Sakata to the matter, and especially denounced the use of the center block. To my astonishment he told me that the structure must be strong to support the vast central mass. In my ignor ance I replied that the center part was net supported by tho sides, but upon reaching the top I found this mon strous central mass suspended like a dapper of a bell; and when I descend ed I c ould, by lying on the ground, s-'e that there was an inch of space inter vening between it and the earth, which formed the floor of the pagoda. By its clever construction it is thus enabled to retain its vertical position even dur ing tho continuation of earthquake shocks; for, by the swinging of this vast pendulum, the center of gravity is kept within the base. I now under stood the reason for that lavish use of timber which I had so rashly pro nounced to be useless; and I see that there in a method in Japanese con struction which is worthy of high ap preciation. The value of railway property in Missouri in 1882, as estimated by the railroad commissioners, was $9;t,"0OO, IXR), and the groas earnings 18,000,-000. THE BAD BOY'S AMBITI0X HE RETIRES TKOM THE SODA WATER BUSINESS. And Obtain a IVrmnnrnt. Position as a Nnper In n Tlirntrc. Intending to l!oome a Second Month. , " You look sleepy," said the grocery man to tho bad boy, a3 ho came in the store yawning, and stretched himself out on the counter with his head on a pile of brown wrapping paper, in reach of a box of raisins; " what's the mat ter? Been sitting up with your girl all night?" Jo " Xaw ! I wish I had. Wakefulness with my girl is sweeter and more rest ful than sleep. No, this is the n suit of being a dutiful son, and I am tired. You see pa and ma have separated. That is, not for keeps, but pa has got frightened about burglars, and he goes up into the attic to sleep. He savs it Is to get fresh air, but he knows better. Ma ba: got so accustomed to pa's snoring that she can't go to sleep without it, and the first night p.v leit she didn't sleep a wink, and yester day I was playing on an old accor dion that I traded a dog collar for after our dog was poisoned, and when I touched the low notes I noticed ma dozed off to sleep, it sounded so much like pa's snore, and last night ma made m'e set up and play for her to slc-p. She rested splendid, but I am all broke up, and I sold the a?rordion this morn ing to the watchman wh watches our block. It is queer what a different effect mu-ic will have on different peo ple. While ma was sleeping the sl -ep of innocen'-o under the influence of my counterfeit of pa's snore, the night watchinai was broke of his rest by it, and he bought it of me to give it to" tho Bon of an enemy of his. Well, I have quit jerking soda," "So, you don't tell me," said the grocery man, as he move 1 the box of raisins out of reach. " You never will amount tj anything unless you stick to one trade or profession. A rolling hen never ta'ches the early angle worm." " Oh. but 1 am all right now. In the soda business there is no chance for genius to rise, unless the soda fountain explodes. It is all wind, and one gets tired of constant fizz. He feels that he is a fraud, and when he puts a little syrup in a tumbler an I tires aiittl; sweetened wind and water in it, until tho soapsuds fill the tumbler, and charges, ten cents for that which only costs a cent, a sensitive soda jerker, who has reformed, feels that it is worse than three-card nunte. I couldn't stand the wear on my conscience, so I have got a permanent job as a super, and shall open the first of September." "Say, what's a super? It isn't ono of these free lunch places, that the mayor closes at midnight, is it ? ' and the grocery man looked sorry. "Oh, thunder, you want salt on you. A super is an adjunct to the stage A Bupe is a fellow that assists the stars and things, carrying chairs and taking up carpets, and sweeping the sand oil the stage after a dancer has danced a jig, and he brings beer for the actors, and does anything that he can to add to the effect of the play. Privately, now, I have be n acting as a supe for a long time, on the sly, and my folks didn't know anything about it, but since I reformed and decided to be good, I felt it my duty to tell ma and pa about it. Tho news broke ma all up, at first, but pa taid some of the best a tors in this country were supes once, and some of them were now, and he thought suping would be the making of me. Ma thought gving on the stage would be my ruination. .She said tue theatre was the hoibel of sin, and 1 rought more ruin than the church could head olf. But when I told her that they always gave a supe two or three extra tickets for his la uily, she said the theatre had some redeeming features, and when I said my entrance upon the stage would give me a splen did opportunity to get the recipe for face powder from the actresses.for ma, Rnd I could find out how the actresses managed to get number four feet into number one shoes, ma said she wished 1 would commence suping right oil'. Ma says there are s me things about the theatre that are not so aliired bad, and she wants mo to get seats for the first comic opera that comes along. Pa wants it unders-tood with tho manager that a supe's father has a right to go behind tho scenes to sea that no harm befalls him, but I know what pa wants. He may seem pious, and all that, but he likes to look at ballet girls better than liny meek and lowly follower I ever see, and some day you will hear music in the air. Pa" thinks theatres are very bad, when he has to pay a dollar for a reserved seat, but when ho can get in for nothing as a relative of one of the 'pirfesh,' the theatre has many redeeming qualities. Pa and ma think I am going into tho business fresh and green, but I know all about it. When 1 played with Mct'ullough here once " "Oh, what you giving us," said the grocery man in di gust, "when j'ou played with McCullough ! What did you do ?" ' W hat did 1 do? Why, you old seed cucumber, the whole play centerei uround me. Do you remember the scene in tho ltotnan forum, where Mc Cullough addressed tho populace of Koine. I was the populace. Don't you remember a small feller standing in front of the Bomaa oiaor taking i( la; vit fdgut shirt on, with legs and arms? That sras me, and everything depended on me. Sup pose I had gone oft" the stage at the critical moment, or laughed win n I should have. looked fierce at the inspired wo.ds of the Uonian senator, it would have been a dead give away on McCnllorgli. As the populace of Pome I consider myself a glittering success, and Mc took me by the hand whoa they carried Ciesar's dead body out. and ho said, ' us three did our selves proud.' Such praise from Mc Cullough is seldom accorded to a supe. But I don't consider the pop ulac ! of ti;o imperial city of Rome my masterpiece. Where I excel is in coming out before the curtam be Jtween the acts and unhooking the carpel. S jme supes go out and turn their backs to the audience, showing patches on their pants, and rip up the carpet with no style about them, and the dust fl es. and the boys yell 'supe,' and the supe gets nervous and for gets his cue, and goes off tumbling over the ctrpet, and tho orchestra lead r is afraid the supe will fall on him. But I go out with a quiet dignity that is only gained by experi ence, and I take hold of the carpet the way Hamlet takes up the skull of Yorick, and the audience is paralyzed. I kneel down on the carpet, to unhook it, in a devotional sort of a' way that makes the audience bow their heads as though they were in church, and before they realize that I am only a supe I have the carpet unhooked and march out. They never 'guy' me, cause I act weil my part." Well, I'd like to go behind the scenes with you fonio night," said the grocery man, olfering tho bad boy an orange to get solid with him. in view of future complimertary tickets. "Xo danger, is there? ' "Xo danger if you keep off the grass. Some time next fall you put on a clean sh'rt and a pair of sheet iron pants, with stove legs on the inside, and I will take you behind the scenes to see some good moral show. In the meantime, if you have t ccasion to talk with pa, tell him that Booth, and Bar rett, and Keeno commenced on the stage as supes, and Salvinl roasted peanuts in the lobby of some theatre. I want our folks to feel that I am tiiking the right coarse to become a star. I pry the an reservoir. I go hens, but to return. Avaunt !" And the bad boy walked oat on his toes a la Booth. Peck's Sun. Electricity and Storms. The question of the electric nature of cyclones i3 a question of fact, and cannot b3 determined by balancing opinion. Facts alono can decide, by proving or disproving that cyclones are caused 1 y electricity. I maintain that not only cyclones, but all the phenom ena of thd atmosphere are electric in their nature and character. The facts upon which I strongly rely .and adduce to prove tho electrical nature of cy clones cannot 1 e stated here, for they are too voluminous. The substance, however, is briefly as follows; A lumi nous or fiery cloud-spot is seen to de scend from the clouds, which is mi t by a flash from the earth where the spout touches. Simultaneous with the flash everything free at the point struck ex plodes into fragments, is carried clean away, and generally hurled into the clouds through tho vortex. Likewise, whenever an electric discharge takes pla-e, ozone in stilling quantities ap pears with the flash. Combustil les are set on fire in the buildings struck, and destroyed. Flashes issue from tho furniture in the houses, and sparks from the walls, like from an emery wheel After night the tornado clou 1 is invariably luminous often not per ceived in the daytime--and a wave like flame on tho earth confronts the eh ud-spot as it sweeps forward on tho surface of the ground. I interpret these facts to say that this luminosity, these sparks and flames, are electricity, and hence that the whole phenomenon is an electric one. J'ro feasor J. 11. Tke. Man's o(ls Supplied. An English girl read, some time ago that the supply of coal in the mines of Great Britain would be exhausted in three hundr d years. The poor chikl was s ) troubled by the thought of dis tnss w hich would follow this disaster that she became ill. It doubtless did not occur to her that, long before the thr e hundred years had elapsed, the world might be heated and lighted by electricity, or some other potent agency. In like manner thoughtful people have been troubled by the decay of that important article of fool, tho potato. But recently wo had the news of a great dis covery of native wild potatoes in Arizona. The tubers are in process of cultivation, and no doubt we shall soon have a new and hardy stock. Up to tho present time nature has always provided fresh stores fur man accord ing to his needs. If we make a good and proper use of the gifts of Povi denee we need have no fear of their exhaustion. U'ohlen Anjoiy. " Eat onions, sis," is the Boston Post's m vice to a young lady w ho wants to know how to avoid having a mus tache on her upper lip. The number of posto:llces in the United States, exclusive of those ts tablished within the present o.liciit! year, i? 40,231, IF I WERE A VOICE. If I were a Voice a persnaaive Voice ' That could travel the wide world thrortffhi I would fly on the beftmn of the morning light And Fpeak to men with a gentle might. And tell them to be true. I'd fly, I'd fly, o'er land and eoa. Wherever a human heart might be, Telling a tale, or Ringing a song, In praise of the Right.in blame of the Wrong If I were a Voice a consoling Voice I'd fly on the wing of air ; The homes of Sorrow and Guilt I'd seek, And calm and truthful words I'd epeak, To nave them from Despair. I'd fly, I'd fly, o'er the crowded town, And drop, like the happy sunlight, down Into the hearts of suffering men, And teaoh thein to rejoice again,.:. . If I were a Voice a convincing Voice I'd travel with the wind ; And whenever I saw the nations torn By warfare, jealouny or scorn, Or hatred of their kind, I'd fly, I'd fly, on the thunder-crash, And into their blinded bosoms flash, And, all their evil thoughts subdued, I'd teaoh them Christian Brotherhood. If I were a Voice a pervading Voice I'd seek the kings of earth ; I'd find them alone on their beds at night, And whisper words that should guide them right Lessons of priceless worth. I'd fly more swift than the swiftest bird, And tell them things they never heard Truths which the ages for aye repeat, Unknown to the statesmen at their feet. ' If I were, a Voice an immortal Voice I'd speak in the people's ear ; And whenever they shouted " Liborty," Without deserving to be free, I'd make their mission clear. I'd fly, I'd fly on the wings of day, Rebuking wrong on my world-wide way, And making all the earth rejoice If I were a Voice an immortal Voice. Charlei Maekay. IIUJIOK OF THE DAT. A journalist's club Thelead pencil. Border enterprise Piecing out the carpets. A kid-cleansing establishment The public bath-house. Boston Star. The most popular club in New York is " The Locust." It is supported by policemen at $1,200 per year. Knitting silk stockings is the latest fashionable racket., There is no money in jug painting, and no more room for the jugs. In answer to the question, "Wba'1 is fame?" a Kentucky paper replies that it is a word of four letters, and that's about all it is. A. "My cousin lost his reason through love." B. " That isn't saying much. A friend of mine became a postman only in order to get his letters from his sweetheart sooner." Flie yende JilaVtr. At a prayer meeting the other night the burden of the remarks was about those who had died recently. There was some smiling when the deacon in charge then said: "We will close by singing 'Praise God from AVhom all blessings flow.' " Boston Globe. Did you ever notice the warning, ' Paint," posted on a door, that you didn't feel the matter with your linger just to find out if it wasn't dry enough to take down the sign? You probably never did. It would be contrary to human nature. llocheshr Express. " You ought to see my new dog," said A. to B. " He's one of the best Gordon setters I ever saw." " I've got a setter that will lay over him," re join el B. ' Bet you a V you haven't." " Taken," said B. The bet is still un do ided because B. trotted out a hen. Boston Courier. "AVoinan's rights!" exclaimed a Philadelphia man, when the subject was broached: " What more rights do they want? My wife bosses me; our daughters boss us both, and the servant girl bosses the whole family. It's time tho men were allowed some rights." Ph ilatWph in Nt tn. The war department recently adver tised for proposals to furnish the army with 8,000 scrubbing brushes. An army armed with scrubbing brushes would certainly send a thrill of terror through the enemy. Our army, it is suspected, contemplate " scouring the plains" and having a brush with the Indians. Norrls'oirn Hi raid. Colonel Faceabout is nominated for town o:licer. "Do you think?" asks his nearest friend, ' that the colonel will run well?" " So doubt of it," re plies Corporal Lance, who was in the colonel's regiment; "that is it he hasn't changed wonderfully. I know he used to run well when he was in the army." Boston Trans ript. Tho birdlet on the t reeling Now carols forth bin noR-lut, Tlie boy that hath no feeling Ties tin cans to the goatlet. What then? The spring is here, In palace and in hull t ; The goat doth get upon his rar, And gives thnt boy a but-let. Harvard Crimson. The addresses of a certain young man having been declined by a young lady, he paid court to her sister. "How much you resemble your sister," said he, on tho evening of the first call. " You have got the same hair, and the same forehead, and the same eyes " "And the same noeV she added, quickly, lie has stopped calling at that house. Saturday flight, 4
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers