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VOL. XIV. NO. 1. TIONESTA, PA., MAHCH 30, 1881.
$1.50 Per Annum,
$SQ0 REWARD
Over a Million
OP
vProl.Guilmctts's
VKmneyPafls
Have alreadv
i b'ton told In thin
conntty and Id
Fiance; every
I one ol which ha
liven perfect
satisfaction anil
has performed
C tires every tlmu
when owed ac
cording todireo.
ti'itiB.
i now My to the afflloled and doubting one?
teat we will pay the above reward
for a singlo case ol
LA3IE BACK.
That the Pad tails to ourn. This Great Rem
edy will positively and permanently ' onru
Lumbago, Lame Hark, Sciatica, Gravol, Din
betes, Dropsy. Bright' Disease ol tho Kid.
neys, Incontinence and Itt.rition ol the
Urine, Inflammation of tho Kidney, Catarrh
ot the Bladder, IIigh Colored Urine, Fain in
the Hack, Side or Loin, Nervous Woakne.),
nndinlaotall disonleis ol ttio Bladder and
Tiinary Organs, whether contracted by pii
viiLeti'seaaeor otherwiso.
L -s DIES, It yoo are stiffo ring from Feinnla
Weakness, Lenoorrhea, or any disae ot tho
- Kidneys, Bladder or Urinary Organs,
YOU CAN BE CURED I
Without Rwallowing nacseous medicines, by
imply wearing
PP0F. GTJILMETTE'S
FRENCH KIDNEY PAD,
WHICH CUHU BY ABSORPTION.
Ask your druggist for. l'rot. Guilinette'i
French Kidney Pad, and take no other. 11
lio has not got it, aend $2 and you will receive
tho Pad by retora mail.
nnuoiuu irom tub rsorxB.
Jodge Buohanan, lawyer, Toledo, O., sayst
One ol Prof. Guilmette's French Kidney
Pads cured me of Lumbago In three week's'
time. My ease had been given tip by the beet
doctor as wearable. During all this time I
tiffmed untold gmt$ Md pai l out large sums
of money."
George Tetter, J. p., Toledo, O , eaysi " I
suffered tor three years with Sciatica and Ki'.
ney Disease, and ortea had to go about on
, cnitohea. I vm entirely and permanently
rred after wearing Prol. GailmeUe's French
W Iney Pad tour weeks." ,
Squire M. C. Boot, Sylvania, O., wrilee:
Vtl have been a great s offerer tor 16 years
with Bright'a Disease oi the Kidneys. For
wi'eks at a time was enable to get out ol Sed ;
t4' horrels ol medlolno, but they gave me
jry uiuliarynsuei 1 wore two or Prol.
' Xiiluiette s Kidney Pedoii week, and 1
. V i l i.. A '
I Mrs Ilulen Jerome, Toledo, O., sayst "For
i ars 1 have been ennflned, a great part oi the
inn. ta bi hnd with Laneorrhea and Female
' Weakness. I wore one ol Gnilrnette's Kidney
, Pads and was eured in One month. '
1 i II. B Green, Wliolexale Grooer, Findky,
' V., writes: " I stiflerel 24 years with lame
. laok and in three weeks was p"rmanently
in red by wearing one Oi Prol. Guiiinettes
ladney Puds."
f II. F Keealing, M. D , DrnKgist, IxganB-
,! ort. Ind., when sending in an order lor Kid-
. ey Pads, write.: ' 1 wore one of the first
V si.m wu hmi mnA I iwnifMil mi rn hnnnflt Irnm
f l than anything I ever nad; in tact the Pad
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!ttiiy A Shoemaker, Druggita, Hannibal,
to. j " We are working up a lively trade iu
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ron them every day."
, For ile by G W I10VARD. Tionesta, Pa,
iZ CEWTS,
&a k& POSTPAID
1
k TREATISE
on this uoua
M.
Ski 1f- m.
AND
HIS DB8EASES.
Cont alnlnij an Index of lls-eaet,-vrlileU
glvea the Wymp
toms, Caiue, and tho Itet
Treatment of eaoh, A. Table
U vlntf ull ttio irlncjlpallrue
used for tlio Hor, wltU the
ordinary dose, effects, and
antidote -vrUen a -poison. A.
Tnhla wltl an lUnirra-vlnj? of
tho 1 1 or no Teotli at dl 1 Tor
ts nt auea with. 3tnle Tor toll
IiiC tho aire. A valuable col
luotlon of ltcoelpta and
muoli otlier valuable infor
mation. I0Q-FABB
tout post
paid to
.any ad-
dreijtsintho I'nlted Htates or
Canadafor 25CEfJTS.
CLtlli RATES:
Five Cop'Ki
Ton Copi'
Ono H'jnd'u'J Coplee
ti.oo
1.78
3.00
10.00
Postage Stamps received.
H. I WiW OHM,
I 43 & I GO Worth St.. N. Y.
(Jrftndfftllior Snow.
Gi andfatlmr Snow came down, one day,
And what do you think ?
And w'lint do you think ?
ITo'a as old as tho hilln, but his heart is gay,
And over the country lie aped away.
His hair was as white as a cotton ball ;
And what do you think 1
And what do you think ?
Ilo gayly pranced over tho highest wall,
For his dear old legs weren't stiff at all.
Wherever ho went ho raised a breeze ;
And what do you think ?
And w hat do you think ?
Ho climbed to the tops of tho tallest trees,
Aa cool and nimble as ever you ploaso 1
A train went thundering over the ground,
And what do you think ?
And what doynn think ?
Old Oranthcr after it went with a bound
My old fellow ! ho made no sound.
Ho caught the cars, and ho held on tight ;
And what do you think"?
And wiiat do you think ?
XI ip train had to stop in tho road all night,
And couldn't go on till broad daylight 1
Old as he was, he stayed out late ! .
And what do you think ?
And what do you think ?
Ho sat on the posts of tho door-yard gate,
And danced on the fence at a high old rate 1
But tho-ehililron cheered for Grandfather still ;
And what do you think ?
And what do you think ?
Ho spread himself out on the top of a hill,
And they all coaftod down on' his back with a
will !
He was none too old for a grand go-bang I
And what do you think ?
And what do you think ?
To the tops of the highest roofs he sprang,
And down on tho peoplo he slid w ith a whang 1
He had no manners, 'tis sad to say I
And what do you think ?
And what do you think ?
For a chap like him to got in the way,
And trip up people by night and day ?
But his heart was white and pure within ;
Now what do you think ?
Now what do you think ?
To bo glad and jolly is never a sin,
For a long-faived Granthor I care not a pin.
Wo none of us know what we should'do;
Now what do you think ?
Now what do you think ?
If wc only camo down for a month or two,
And couldn't stay hero tho whole year through.
Catherine K Halbtrq.
OUR TROUBLES.
Jack and I had been married n, year
boforo we went to housekeeping. Feoplo
Hay that the first year of married liie is
tho most trying. All I cau say is that
wo did not find it ho. "We never had a
word of serious difference so long as we
boarded, but almost as noon as we were
settled in our tiny, pretty house, our
troubles began.
Jack and I have never been quite able
to decide when our unpleasantness com
menced. He puts the date of it in June,
when Lettice Green went to Europe,
and left me her canaries as a parting gift
two of the loveliest little yellow and
green darlings that ever were seen. That
is quite absurd, though. The real trouble
began a month later, when he himself
brought home the great, clumsy, blun
dering Newfoundland pup, which was
the pest of the house for many a long
day.
It wasn't so bud at tirst. Jack only
laughed when he saw the canaries, and
said: " Why, Madge.'little woman, you'll
have vour hands full now, if vou never
did before."
"Nonsense!" I said ; " it's nothing to
take care of a pair of birds." Cut Jack
only laughed
Such darlings as those b'irds were ! I
can't say that they ever learned to know
me not really, you know. They flut
tered just as much and were just as hard
to catch the last day that I let them out
of their cage as they were the first.
That was one of tho things that Jack ob
jected to my letting them out of their
cage, I mean. Jack wrote, you see for
the press, I menu and the buck -parlor,
which was also his study, was the only
place whore I could keep the birds.
"Ueally, Madge," said .lack one day,
"I wish you could find some other
place to keep those birds, or elso I wish
you would not let them out of their cage.
Their favorito promenade is my desk,
ami I never can find a paper that I want
after thev have been rooting about
there."
"Hut, Jack," I said, "thev must have
their morning flv, poor little dears, and
I have always let them have it while you
are taking your constitutional, so that
they need not disturb you. If vou
would rather have me let them out while
you're at home, though "
"Thanks, not any," said Jack. "It's
bad enough to see the results, without
having them flopping down bodily upon
my head. Never mind. I'll bo cart ful
to leave my inkstand uncovered, and
they'll bo drinking the ink some day,
and that will bo the end of them."
"Jack, you are very unkind," I said:
but Jack only laughed, and went otit of
tho room. I was always careful to see
that the inkstand was covered alter that,
though.
It was soon after that that ho brought
home his dog. I never shall forget that
dav. He knows that I never could bear
dogs. I am afraid of them, horribly
afraid, and I never thought he would bo
so cruel as to bring one of the great
blundering things home to scare me out
ol mv poor little wits.
"Here, Madge," he said, as he camo
in, leading tho thing. "As you are so
fond of pets, I have brought you ono
worth having."
Then Ihe thing rushed at mo, with its
great red mouth wide open, and its white
teeth shining, and its eyes glaring, and
before I knew it, the two big hairy paws
were on my shoulders, and tho frightful
face close against mine.
"Jack!" I screamed " oh, Jack!
take him off, or I shall die."
Jack laughed, and caught the creature
by his collar and pulled him away.
"Why, bless your heart, Madge!" he
said, "the dog won't hurt you. He is
only a pup nine months old to a day
and as full of affection as he can stick.
Ho only wanted to make friends with
yon."
" But I don't want to be made friends
with in that fashion," I said, as well as
I could speak for crying.
Jack laughed, and caressed me, and
apologized ; but it was then that our
troubles began, for all that.
What a nuisance that dog 'was no one
who has not brought up a Newfoundland
pup can imagine. Now it was one of
the best table-cloths, not only pulled
on, nut torn into rags; or my laco set
Aunt Clarice's wedding pres'ent which
had been laid out to bleach, had disap
peared bodily, all but a fluttering end
which hung out of Hero's mouth as ho
careered about tho yard; or it was ono
of Jack's dress boots chewed to a pulp,
and grave enough Master Jack looked
that time. I only wished his belongings
had suffered oftener; but unluckily he
took precions good care to keep them
out of the wav.
Jack and I were poor enough, but we
had rich relations. Jack had an uncle,
Mr. I'hilip l'helps, and I an aunt, Clar
ice vaugnan, botli of whom had de
clared their intention of leaving us their
respective heirs. Aunt Clarice was a
childless widow, and Uncle Philip a
bachelor. Both of them were peculiar
in their way, and1 full of whims and
" fads." We had never been able to en
tertain them hitherto, but as soon as we
were settled in our own house each of
them had promised us a visit. It was
time for Uncle Philip's arrival soon after
Jack brought home that wretched dog.
uncjo rnnip baa always seemed very
fond of me, and I resolved to appeal to
hiui privately to induce Jack to banish
the homd thing from tho house.
Uncle Philip was stout and rubicund.
with a bald piuk head fringed with white
hair, and a laughiDg bluo eve two of
them, in fact. Unluckily for my private
plans, he took most kindlv to Hero from
the first ; and as I watched the softenincr
of his eye over the pup's clumsy gam-
uois, i reaiizea tn.ai uny attempt to in
fluence him as I desired would be ut
teily in vain. We were all collected in
tho back parlor on tho niarht of his ar
rival, he bitting in a large easy-chair in
the window. Ho was just Kivincr us a
graphic description of a recent visit to
New Mexico, when he started, and clap-
pea ins nana to ins Head, with a sudden
ejaculation.
" I thought you told me you had no
mosquitoes here," he said, with a puz
zled air.
Neither had we, as Jack and I both
assured him, and alter a moment he took
up tho thread of his narrative. Crack !
another slap at his bald head, and an
other break in his tale. Crack ! crack !
crack !
" What do you mean by denying
mosquitoes ?" he cried, indignanty. " I
knoAV that mosquitoes and malaria are
two things that the inhabitants of a
swamp will never confess to; but I
thought that you two were above such
weaknesses."
Our earnest, "But, indeed, dear
uncle," was suddenly interrupted by a
sudden flutter of wings, and a douche
of cold water exactly on tho center of
Undo Philip's head. Jack sprang to
his feet.
"It's those beastly birds, Madge,"
ho said. " They've been chucking their
seeds at Uncle Philip, and now they've
finished up with a shower-bath. Tak
ing their bath in their drinking-cup,
too, the little brutes ! It's too bad, I
vow !"
Uncle Tliilip was silent, but his face,
as he glared at the cage overhead, was a
study. I apologized, eagerly, abjectly,
and, I hoped, to some purpose. Then we
adjourned to the front parlor, und
finished the evening quietly.
Uncle I'hilip 'was uj bright and early
the next morning. I was surprised to
find him in the dining-room when I went
down, before tho bell rang, to see that
the tablo was properly set. Hero was
beside him, blinking up with his great
stupid eyes, one big paw laid upon Uncle
Philip's knee, and his red tongue lolling
out idiotically. Uncle Philip greeted me
affectionately, though, I fancied,' with
rather an air of constraint.
"Did you sleep well, Uncle Philip?"
I asked. Undo Philip hesitated.
"It was quiet enough most of the
night," he said, " but 1 wan somewhat
disturbed toward morning."
" Not used to the city noises ?" 1
asked ; but Jack, who had come in be
hind me, laughed.
" Nonsense, Madge !" he said. " Vou
forget that Uncle Philip lives in Chi
cago, which is not exactly country. It
was all those birds of yours again.
Undo Philip's room is directly over my
study, and tho things tuned up at day
light, as usual. Nobody could sleep in
such a confounded racket. Now con
fess, Uncle Philip, was not that the
trouble V"
"Why, Jack!" I said, half-crying.
" It is too bad of you. The little dar
lings couldn't disturb anybody with
their singing, and you know there is
nut another window in the house where
, they can hang. Uncle Philip's is tho
only other east room, and they must
have the morning sun."
" Oh, pray don't disturb your arrange
ments on my account," said Uncle
Philip, rather grimly. "No doubt I
shall get used to it in the course of
time."
Just here Hero made a diversion by
an unexpected and successful spring at
tho chop on Jack's jdate, with which he
vanished through the back door, while
Uncio Philip and Jack laughed and ap
plauded. Uncle Philip stayed with us less than
a week, growing daily more silent and
testy. When, on the fifth day, he an
nounced his intention of leaving us, I
could not feel deeply grieved; but Jack
was.
" It is all very well for you," he said.
" Uncle Philip is no relation of yours,
and you have no old claims of affection
and kinship pulling at you. It is not
his money, as you very well know, but
he is the last one of my mother's family
left, and to have him driven out of his
nephew's house by those ridiculous pets
of yours well, it's hard, and no mis
take." "Nonsense, Jack! The birds have
nothing to do with it," I said; but Jack
shrugged his shoulders.
"All right," he said; "but a man of
Uncle Philip's age and habits can't stand
being wakened at daylight every morn
ing, and disturbed at all hours of the
day and night besides."
"I don't disturb him," I said.
"You do," said Jack. "You spend
your whole time prancing up and down
stairs, opening and shutting: the window
just below his room, because you fancy
that those blessed birds are dving of too
mncn or ioo nttie air.
"But Jack," I said "the poor little
things are sitting, and they need con
stant care. You wouldn't have me let
them die, would you ? "
" I'd have you consider the comfort of
human beings before that of animals,"
said Jack. " However, the thing is done
how. Nothing would induce Uncle
rhilip to spend another night here. He
has business to attend to in the citv,
hough, and has taken board in Ninth!
street for a few weeks."
I was sony that Jack was vexed, ol
course, but I really could not feel very
unhappy at losing a guest so utterly
unfeeling and inconsiderate. Besides,
Aunt Clarice had written to ask when
it would be convenient for us to re
ceive her, and she could now come as
soon as she felt inclined.
It was the very day after Uncle
Philip left that I found Jou-jou, the
female bird, lying dead upon the floor.
My first idea was that ifc was a mean
pieco of vengeance upon Jack's part,
and I taxed him with it, but he denied
it indignantly.
" I'm not such a brute as you seem
to think, Madge," he 6aid.' "I don't
like the birds, but I wouldn't hurt o
feather of their tails. Look here,
though," as ho poked - out with the
point of his penknife something that
had lodged in the beak. " Hero is
what did the mischief. Stolen from
my desk, too, by Jove ! A clear case
of poetic justice."
It was a tiny bit of red wafer which
he held out for me to examine, and of
course I had to acknowledge that it had
alone caused the catastrophe. I buried
my little pet mournfully, and thought
of bringing another to replace her, but
Jack put his veto upon uny such pro
ceeding. " But, Jack," I said," " Bijou will die
of loneliness."
"Let him," said Jack,' savagely, and
that was all.
Well, Bijou didn't die of loneliness.
On the contrary, after reflecting on the
situation for a few davs, ho plucked up
heart, and launched himself into such a
torrent of rollicking song that Jack was
more frantic than ever. Not even the
melancholy sight of the nesti'ul of cold
little blueish speckled eggs seemed to
dash his gayety in the least. To tell
the truth, I was slightly disgusted
(though I would have died before I
would have told Jack so), for, try as I
might, I could not persuade myself that
that triumphant,' rollicking, gurgling
song bore the slightest 'resemblance to a
wail of d spair.
We saw Uncle Philip tolerably often,
though he no longer staid with us. I
noticed, however, that ho could with
difficulty be persuaded to enter the back
parlor. Even the sound of Bijou's
singing, which penetrated tho closed
doors, made him start and wince in a
manner which was simply absurd, though
ho never said anything.
We were in daily expectation of Aunt
Clarice's arrival, the date of which was
not quite certain, as she was staying with
friends who continually urged her to
prolong her visit. After the day for her
coming to us had been three times fixed
and as often postponed, I made up my
mind not to expect her until I saw her.
Consequently I had dismissed all
thoughts of her from my mind.
I was sitting at my sewing one morning
when Jane came up to tell me that a lady
was in the parlor, who declined to send
up her name.
" An agent, no doubt," I said. " I
wish you had asked her business, Jane.
But no matter; I must go down soon,
to shut up Bijou, in any case."
So I sewed on tranquilly until I had
finished the piece of work on which I
was engaged, and then ran down-stairs,
humming a blitho little tune as I went.
I never finished that tune, though; for
the first thing my eyes fell upon in the
hull was Aunt Clarico. Yes, Aunt Clar
ice, sitting demurely , in the hall chair,
but with no very dtuiure expression
u)on her face. On the contrary, it was
a much agitated and disheveled Aunt
Clarice upon whom I looked an Annt
Clarice who appeared equally divided
between tears and indignation, and who
met my astonished gaze with one full of
wrathful meaning.
" Dear Aunt Clarice 1" I cried. " Who
ever dreamed of seeing you to-day?
Why in the world didn't you go into
the parlor, even if Jano hadn't sense
enough to take you there ? That girl's
blunders are really beyond anything."
" Don't scold the girl," said Aunt Cla
rice, grimly: "it's not her fault. She
took me in there fast enough; but if peo
ple will turn their parlors into menageries
they car. hardly expect their friends to
stav in them
" Menageries ! Dear Aunt Clarice," I i
cried, " I never thought you would mind j
poor Bijou too. You're as bad as Uncle I
Philip." !
Aunt Clarice turned slightly red. " If
that's your idea of a bijou," she said," I
hfcve no more to say;" and she began to
gather up her belongings as if she medi
tated instant flight.
"But dear Aunt Clarice," I cried,
" don't be so frightened ! I was just go
ing to shut him up, for he has been out
quite long enough" (" I should think so"
said Aunt Clarice). " But I never knew
that you minded birds so much." '
" Birds 1" said Aunt Clarice, with an in
describable intonation. "But I do
mind birds very much such birds as
this; birds that walk on four legs and
wag their tails and make grabs at your
ankles."
" Aunt Clarice," I cried, "it's Hero
that you mean Jack's great, horrid dog.
Do you mean to say that he is in the
par for? Oh dear! what shall I do?
Jack says that there is no harm in him,
but he always dances and grins at us so.
How shall we ever get him out, for
neither Jane nor I dare touch him ?"
Aunt Clarice had relaxed slightly
when she found that I had nothing to do
with Hero's presence in the parlor, and
now she began to laugh.
" Don't trouble yourself about getting
him out," she said. " He is safe enough
there, for I shut the door upon him. He
kept quiet until Jane had gone, but as
soon as I was left quite alone and tin
protected, he floundered out from under
the very sofa that I was sitting upon,
and danced and grinned' at me, until I
fairly took to my heels. Now I'll go up
stairs and take my things cff."
Jack only laughed when I complained
to him of Hero's escapade, said that as
my pet had the ran of his study it was
only fair that his should have the run of
the rest of the house. He positively re
fused to chain him, or even to keep him
in the yard or cellar, as I implored him
to do, if only on Aunt Clarice's account.
" No, no," he said, " my relations have
had their turn ; it is time that yours
took their share now."
Of course when Hero had once found
his way upstairs, there was an end of
everything. Nothing would induce him
to stay down after that.' It is my belief
that ho had found out some way of
worming himself through keyholes, for
no amount of locking and barring would
keep him out. Tho worst of it was he
took a violent liking to Aunt Clarice.
Or rather I am inclined to think that
ho found her irresistibly teosable,
and was deep and artful enough to pre
tend a linn confidence in her fondness
and admiration for him. At all events,
wherever Aunt Clarice was, Hero was
sure to be somewhere near. If she sat
down upon a sofa Hero wriggled out
from nnaer it; u she entered a room
Hero
bounced at her from behind the
door;
nay,
her
he
even secreted himself i
at night, for the ex-!
under
bed
press purpose of coming out in the
small hours and wakening her by the
contact of his cold nose and his warm ;
wet tongue. After she had twice aroused '
the whole household by her wild shrieks ,
at these uncanny visits, Aunt Clarice ;
mildly but firmly unnonnecd her deter-'
initiation.
" My dear Madge," she said, " I am I
very fond of you; I am fond of Jack, '
too; but really a man who keeps such u :
wild beast about his house is fit only !
for Bedlam. I. can't expect you to turn j
him out for me, so I have decided to '
turn myself out for him. I am not J
quite ready to go home yet, so I have
taken board for a few weeks where I
shall be quite comfortable."
Jack only laughed, and said, " Tit for
tat," when ho heard of Aunt Clarice's
departure. He laughed still more when,
on comparing notes, we found that sho :
and Uncle Philip w ere inhabitants of the i
same boarding-house in Ninth street a ,
curious coincidence, certainly, but not
worth going into hysterics about. It j
really seemed as if Jack would never get
over it. Every now and then, during
the w hole evening, ho would suddenly
throw lnmsell back, kick up his heels in
the most undignified manner, and roar. I
When I asked him his reason for such !
behavior, he w ould say only, " Uncle I
Philip and Aunt Clarice! ho! ho! ho!"
And for davs the mention of either name I
would bring a most absurd and diaboh-
cul grin to his fuce, which was a iiand-
some enough ono in general.
III.
It was rather curious, I thought, that
since Aunt Clarico had left us so
abruptly we had seen nothing either of
her or of Uncle I'hilip, although more
than a week had passed. Aunt Clarice
was always out or so the servants said
when I called; and as for her, she had
never once crossed our threshold since
that unlucky day.
I was justj expressing my feelings
upon the subject to Jack, with Bijou
hopping about the carpet at my feet,
when the door-bell rang, and Jane
brought in the morning's mail. There
was only one letter, and that I saw in a
moment to be from Aunt Clarice.
"High time, I think 1" I said, as I
tore it open. Then, in another mo
ment, and with a shriek, "Jack, look
here!"
This is what Jack looked at:
" Mr dear Madge I have not seen
you for the last week because I was try
ing to make up my minds whether or
not to be an old fool, and in such cases
the fewer witnesses ono has, the hotter.
I've decided at last, whether for better
or for worse, remains to be Been. Per
haps you know that Jack's Uncle Philip
rhelps and I are old friends, and meet
ing now and all Well, the long and
short of it ifJ tlmt ve h&ye' made up our
minds to be married.
" That is all at present from
" Your attached aunt,
" Clarice Vacohas."
" P.M. If Master Jack and you hadn't
seen fit to turn your house into a me
nagerie, it wou'ld't have happened. A
mutual hatrct of pets was our tirst bond
of union."
I was crying by the time Jack had
finished the letter, and even he looked
grave, though there was a most exaspe
rating twinkle in his eye.
"Good-bye to on "r fortunes," little
woman," he said.
1 "Oh, Jack! Jack!" I cried. "And
j to think it was all the doing of that hate
i ful dog !"
"Not at all, said Jack; "my dog
hadn't half as much to do with it as your
birds. If they hadn't driven Uncle
Philip out of the house, there would
have been no room in it for Aunt Clarice,
and in that case they might never have
met again."
"Nonsense!" I cried, indignantly.
" If it hadn't been for the dog, Aunt
Clarice w ould have been here safe and
sound at this minute. I've a great mind
to poison him."
Jack suddenly grew very stern. "If
you do, I'll wring tho neck of your
miserable bird," he said.
I hod never seen Jack look so angry,
nor anything like so angry, before, and
for one minute I stopped short in abso
lute terror; then But before I could
speak there was a hasty scuffle on the
stairs, and Hero in person rushed into
the room. Bijou lilted his head and
fluttered his wings, but he was too late.
In another instant Hero had pounced
upon the tempting plaything. There
was a strangled squeak, an agonized
gasp, and poor Bijou had disappeared
bodily down the gaping red throat, and
Hero was on his back, kicking convul
sively, while I rushed screaming from
the room.
: IV.
Of course Jack and I " embraced with
tears," after the double tragedy. Neither
of us could accuse the other, you see,
for if his pet had killed mine, mine had
proved equally fatal to his. Then and
there we forsworo all future division of
interests, whether in the shape of peta
or anything else.
Uncle Philip and Aunt Clarice Phelps
proved to be the most cheerful and con
tented of elderly couples. It seems that
it is an old love affair. Jack knew of it
all along, which was the reason of his
profane laughter when he found that
they had established themselves in the
same house. Thev were engaged when
both were young, ut quarreled. Aunt
Clarice married Mr. Vaughan out of
pique, w hile Undo Philip remained a
bachelor for her sweet sake.
Wn are thoroughly reconciled now,
i and stranger things have happened than
that we should be their heirs after all.'
Iltirpcr's Biuui:
A
Sure Cure.
Some twenty years ago, when (ueeu
Victoria visited Paris, the prefect of the
Seine intrusted tho preparations and
decorations for the reception to a well
known architect.
On the momentous day the official
thanked tho architect warmly for the
talent and energy ho had so conspicu
ously displayed, and the architect was
inspired to ask as his recompense the
honor of presentation to the queen.
"Impossible, my dear fellow, with
such ix beard us that," was the reply,
"but shave yourself like a Christian and
I'll be only too glad."
All day long the architect wavered
between desire for the honor and de
votion to his hair, but at the last mo
ment desire got the upper hand, and
he submitted himself to the burlier.
At the Hotel tie Yille he stuck dose
to the prefect; the queen swept in, the
presentations were made not including
the architect tho queen swept out and
ull was over.
"Whv didn't vou keep vour proin-
iseV
nsked the architect, in savage de-
spai
" promise .' What promise, sir t re
plied the prefect, haughtily.
" To present mo to her majesty."
"Whut!" exclaimed the traitor, "was
that vou? Bless mv soul, my dear fel-
I low, you see you made, such a guy of
J yourself by shaving oil your board that I
never recognized you !"
Women us Bank Clerks.
Women havo been employed as clerks
in the Stockholm Euskilda bank, Stock
holm, Sweden, for sixteen years, and A.
O.Wallenberg, a director, writes: Since
tho fourth of July, 1864, sixteen young
ladies have been engagod in the" bank.
Of these there are still in the service of
the bank, eight; married and left, five;
advanced to more remunerative positions
in other institutions, two; dismissed for
inaptitude, one. Of those remaining,
three are cashiers on their own respon
sibility, one is asistunt to the keeper of
the head ledger, und four hold inferior
positions.