The Forest Republican. (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, August 22, 1871, Image 1

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    Rates of Advertising.
OneSqunre(l Inch,) one Insertion....?! f
One Square " um month.... "0.
W. It. DUNN.
Dflloo In Krvox's Building, Elm. Btroet.
One Square " mroo nionins..- o
One Square " one year... 10 09
Two Squares, one Tear.. 1 00
Quarter qol. " SOW
lalf mi vu
One " " 1U0 W
? THRMS, f'2.O0 A VftAu.
No Subscriptions reccivod for a shorter
period tlinn three months.
Corronpondfcnce solicited from nil part
of the country. No notice will betaken of
annonyinous communication!!.
Marriage and Death noticos Inserted
Ituslnnss Cards, not execoding one Inch
In length, 1 10 per yenr. . ,
" Let us have Faith that Right makes Might ; and in that Faith let us to the end, dare do our duty as we understand it"--LINCOLN.
Legat notices at pstabllshid rftte.
These rates are low, nnd no deviation
ill bo nindo, or discrimination among
patrons. The ratea ouerod are such, vs
will make It lo itie niivaniagcoi menoin. &
business in the limits of the circulation or
ttie paier to advertise lilmrallr. ... 1
' '." I. O. Gh T.
Moeui every Wednesday evening, at 8
XV. ft. DUNN, W.C T.
M. W. TATE, W. 8. -
J.lmrttl, ' T 10 X EST A , r.i .
Isaac Ash, .. , . ...
, A TTORNET AT LAW, Oil City, fa.
uY Will practice In the various Court of
J-'orest County. All business entrusted to
kit rare will receive prompt attention.
i i
1U IT1
W. W. Masom
TTOHNKY AT LAW. 'Offlne on Elm
L Street, aWove W&iul, TlonesU, Pa.
. c. w. oimiisn;
pango Co., j;. - tf.
N. B, Smiley,
Lro, I 'a.- Will practice In the several
Courts of Forest County. '. 85-ly i
Holmes House,
PIO!KSTA, PA., opposite the Depot.
C. l. Mable, Proprietor. Good Sta
bling connected with the house.
Jos. Y, Saul,
IJRArTinAMIarness Maker and Rad
tiler. Three doora uerth of Holme
Pome, Tloncsta, Ia. All work is war
rmitcd. tf.
Syracuse House,
rpiDIOVTK, r a., J. fc i Maokk, Troplo
A tors. The house hit been thoroughly
rr tit toil and Is now In tlio Arxt-clais order,
with the best of accommodation. Any
nforniution concerning oil Territory at
thispoiut wui bt vneernillv lurnisiini.
ly J. A D. MAUEK,
Kxcliange Hotel,
Lj pkm. A No Prop's. This house having
hear) rented Is now the mom aftirii wop
ping place In Tidioute. A gooc" Milliard
Jtoom attaohod. - 4-ly
.' , . National Hotel,
fRVINETO.V, PA. W. A. Hallonback,
Projirietor. This hotel Is Nkw, and Is
.ow oun aa first class house, situate at
ie Juuetion of the Oil Crock A Allegheny
.n.1 ll.llHali.t.t . I'ria ll.lli-na.
nuonlte the iHumt. Parties bavins to lav
ver triiins will llud this the most conven
ent hold in town, with nrst-rlaxs aceom-
nodalious ana reasonable charges, tr.
. - Tlfrt Sons A Co.'s
NKW ENOINES. The undorsigned have
fnrsale and will receive orders for the
tve Engine. Messrs. Tint Sons A Co.
re now sending to this market their 12-
II nine Power Engine with H-llorse Powor
Holler peculiarly adapted to deep wells.
Officios at Hunc nn . Challaiit's, dealors
In Well Fixtures, Hardware, .Vc, MsinSU
next door to Chae llouie, riciixautYlllo,
aud at Mansion House, 1 ituxville.
tt K. Jilti;T T A SOX, Anents.
John K. Wallock,
1 TTORKKY, AT LAW and Solicitor of
PatonU,i. 665 Prtiiich strot(opixsito
Peed House) wrie, I'a. wui praciico ie
th several State Courts and the Uulted
K tales Courts. Hpfciul attention arlven to
Holicitirj palenta for Inventor. inrriniie
ments, re-issue and extension of patents
marofullT attended to. Hcfcrences: Hon.
James Campbell, Clarion; Hon. John H.
McCalmont. Franklin; H. L. A A. It.
Richmond, !dead ille; W. E. Lathy. Ti
mienta. 2 7
Dr. J. L. Aconb,
hail tlfteen years' experience Iti a large
and successful practice, will attend all
Professional Calls. Utile in his Drug and
tlroccry Store, located in Tldiouto, uoar
Tldiout IToune.
A r. .11 - a r. jj .1 .
Tobacco, Cigars, Stationery, (llass, Paints,
ils, Cutlery, and ttne Groceries, all of the
IipmI quality, and will be sold at reasonable
li. K. nURGESS. an exnerleneed Priiir-
klstfroui New York, has charge of the
Store. All prescriptions put up accurately.
' W. P. Mercllliott,
Attorney at Law.
IT-tf : i .". '
Tiouesta, Forest Co., Pa.
' This Dank IrAnsarln a General Tlaiiluug,
Ikillecting and Exchange lluiiincRs.
Drafts on the Principal Cities of the
United Stales and Kuropo ixuight and sold.
Gold and Silver Coin and Government
Securities bought and sold. 7-30 llomU
converted on the most favorublo terms.
Interest allowed on time deposiU.
Mar. 4, tf. .
DR. J. N. HO LARD, of Tidioute, has
roturnsd to liis practice alter an ah
senofl of four months, spent in tiie Hospi
tals of New York, where will altoni)
rails In his profession.
Otlice in Kureka Drug Store, 3d door
ocv the bank, Tidioute, Pa. 4'Jtf
Triumphs of Etiterprtse,
A New Hook, 700 octavo pages, well
illustrated. Intensely interesting, and very
instructive. Kxclusivo torsitury given.
Our Terms are t lie most Liberal. Apply
to us. and see U they ara nut, A. S.
HALE A CO., Hartford, Coun. -
13 w.
at the Store of
D. S. KNOX, & CO.,
Elm St., toneita Pa.
We are In daily receipt oi the srgastsnd
which we are determined to sell regardless
of prices. '
House Furnibhing Goods, Iron, Nails,
Machine tools, Agricultural Implements,
Ac, Ae 4c, which w offer at greatly re
duced price.
of all kinds, v
ES, Ac, Ac, Ac,
In ENDLESS VARIETY. Call and see,
No. 232 Walnut StPhila.
Incorporated 1794. Charter Perpetual
Assets Jaiii 1, 1&S9, 2,34,aia M
$20,000,000 losses paid since its organiza
tion. WM. BUIILKR, Central Agent,
Harrlsburg, Pa.
MILES W. TATE, Agent in Ti
oneta, Forest County, Pa.
8 (till
Ifc-Kend for our new Price List and a
Club Form will accompany it, containing
full directions making a large saving to
consumer', aud remunerative club organ
izers The C.reat Amerlouu Tea
P. O. Uox 5(M;i. jkw yoiik. li-4t
noo vol A' .Tins ix oxe.
The Library of Poetry and Song,
Tlcing Choice Rclec'ioiis from the Host
Poets, Knglish, ScoU-h, Irish aud Ameri
can. With an Introduction by
Under whose criticul supervision the
volume was compiled.
The Immlsoiiicst and eheKHst suliHcrl
tion ixHk extant, over s i pates, beauti
fully printed, choicely Illustrated, hand
somely bound. A Library of over 600
volumes iu one book, w hose contents, of
no ephemeral uuturo or Interest, will never
grow old cr stale. It can be, and w iIIIm-1
read .uid re-rciul with pleasure liy old and
young, as long as its leave, hold together.
"A piirtisit surprise, Kcurcelv sin thing
all all a favorite, or at all worthy of place
here, is neglected. It is a IsHjk tor every
household." A. V. Mml,
"neknow of no siniihir eillectin In
tlio English languiiun w hich, in .ctiplmis
ness and lulicity ol selection slid arrange
ment, cull at all foinpurc with it." .V. 1'.
Terms liberal. Kjiljing very rapidly.
Send l'ur Circular ami Terms to
J. Jl. tolili A CO.,
'Si Park Plai, N, Y.
June 6, 171.
SUBSCRIBE for lb Forest lUwubUcrn
ft wfli fry:
A Watch Story.
"Notes and Queries" has the follow
ing legend ol' the Black Country:
''Early in the present century, when
Bilston, England, was a long, strag
gling village, with one maiu street,
which formed a part of the nmil-road
from London Chester and Holyhead,
the Bull's Head (advertised for Bale
Lady-day, 1870; was the principal inn
of the place, and a well-known hostel
rte ou the old Irish route. It was nat
urally, aud almost as a matter of
course, the house at which the town
worthies were wont to meet, drink
good, wholesome, home-brewed ale,
out of the Staffordshire black glazed
pots, smoke their long Broseley pipes,
and talk over the politics of the da;,
the tittle-tattle of the neighborhood.
One bright summer's eve, while thus
pleasantly engaged in the modest smok
ing' room (coffee rooms hud not yet
come into existence), a gentleman tides
up to the door, followed by his servant
with the saddle bags. There is, of
course, great curiosity amongst the as
sembled guests to kuow who the stran
ger may be; and front the communi
cative valet they soon learn that he is
ao Irish olhcer en route to London.
They become iniraeuiately desirous1 cf
bis company among themselves, both
for society and news' sake; but the
gentleman unsocial ly keeps his own
room up stairs. So that at last, driv
en to desperation, aud perchance some
what pot-vuiiant, one of the company,
Mr. Edward 'Woolleyir.of Stouetields,
a screw marker (i.-e., of iron srens for
wood), scuds up the servunt with his
chronometer to ask the Irishman if he
can tell what time it is by an English
watch. ' Great anxiety ensues as to the
result. Presently the servant returns
with his master's compliments, and he
will bo Jowu directly with the watch
and au answer. A great shuffling of
teet is heard overhead ; and by and by
appears Milesus, followed by his body
guard, bearing a tray with the watch
and a brace of pistols on it. He
announces that he is come tochallengo
the owner of the watch, and hopes he
will have the "decency"., to claim it,
aud take up ono of the pistols. (To
the servant, "Take the watch rouud,
John I") "Is it youis.sirf" - The old
doctor, Moss, was the first thus address
ed ; and amongst others present were
Messrs. Price and Busiiberry.. "No
sir I" was the invariable answer from
each put to this crucial test. At length
it comes to the owner, "is the watch
yours, sir?" No, air I" "Well, then,
John, since uo one will own the watch,
put it in your pocket ; and as we do
not appear to have falleu among 'jiu
tletuen,' bring out the horses, and we'll
ride on another utitge." Tho tale, of
course, so u got abroad, and at the
end of his career, poor Woolly, or
rather '"Ooley," as he was more gen
erally called, was accosted with
"What's o'clock, Mr. 'Oooley?" Only
withiu a year or two of his death,
while riding along quietly in his car
riage, a young urchin thus annoyed
him, and in cettine out to make a dash
after hira, poor "Ooly" was upset and
grievously injured.. So that he had
good cause long, to remember the lots
of bis "family turnip," and his pres
tige of Quixotic combativeness. , .
A Horse Advertisement.
A man in .Wisconsin advertises his
horse for sale, and thus discourses :
Thou can'et trust thy labor to him,
for -the furrow; he will harrow the
valleys after thee.
. He will gather thy seed in the barn.
His streugth is terrible, in which he
rejoiceth. . ... , ,
He paweth the valley, and waxelh
proud in his speed, lie coocketh at
fear, neither turneth his back from the
Lo! how he naoveth his tail like a
cedar; his sinews are as cable.
His bones are like strong pieces of
bass, yea, like bars ot iron.
. He cateth like; an oxj behold, he
driu keth up a river f and trUsteth that
he can draw up Jordan in his mouth.
Who can open the door of his face?
Yet thou cau'st approach him with a
bridle. His teeth are terrible round
. I will not conceal bis parts, uor hi;
comely prono tions.
lie is gentle, he is kind
And hi tail slicks out behind.
I want to fell him for something I
cau day :n v debts with.
At a musical cntertal.vmnt given
in this city lately the continuous ?ud"
soul-horrowiug tones of a large brass
horn in the orchestra grated hastily ou
the ears of those assembled, until a
wag a few scats in the roar commenced
chewing up small pellets of paper,
which he dexterously snapped into the
mouth of the instrument. This con
tiuuud at intervals until uearly uu en
tire copy of the New York Tribune
was safely deposited iu its cavernous
depths. As the performing artist drew
iu a large chest lull of wiud fcra. final
i grand splurge, there came furili a
splutter aud diabolical (Ju',v of sound,
suggestive of au army mule, "bugling"
I lor (odder. 1 he blower arose, and
; seizing a small boy on the seat behind
' gave hi ui a severe slaking, whila the
real culprit escaped notice. 'I'itutvWe
) I!rtll.
A Tale of the Tiger. , .
The wickedness of Saratoga and
Long Branch has becti so thoroughly
explained and commented upon that
it is refreshing to learn of the exist
ence of compensating influences which
sometimes counteract the gilded eutice
nients of those places. The story is of
a husband and wife at Long Branch,
the former giveu to nightly visits to
the lair of Chamberlain's ' tiger, and
the latter affectionately .solictous of
his welfare in the encounter with that
royal beast. Wisely refraining from
curtain lectures, the wife undertook a
more audacious and effei'tive means of
reform. Attiring herself iu her hus
band') best broadcloth and tightest
pair of dress boots this "woman who
dared" followed her dissipated lord to
his eveuiog haunt, and when he was
awaiting the turn of . the cards af
ter coppering the ace, blew a cloud of
of smoke across the table into his face
to attract his attention and calmly put
ten dollars on t ie kiug. The story
concludes with the rapid and terrified
exit of the husband, followed by his j
successful wife, and the extraction of a ;
promise, on the way home, of future j
abstinence from the green table. If i
thia tale is tn ha credit?'.!, we no longer ;
wonder at the determination of Mr.
Morrissey to vigorously exclude ladies
from his temple of olav. for a few such i
wives would break the bank before the I
season is over. I
A Michigan man who was recently
buried in a well thirty feet from the
surface of the eroutid. bv its ravine in
on him, was rescued after nearly eight j singular reunion had partially subsid
hours torture. He attributes his escape ' ed.the two men returned to the smithy
to three larn-e stones, which lodged inst i and talked the matter over as sensibly
over his head, and prevented a large
amount of dirt aud stotes from falling
upon aud suffocating him. He ex
perienced no difficulty in breathing,
but suffered greatly from the cola.
His legs were wedged in with stone,
and he found himself unable to move.
He heard' plaiuly persons at work
above aud their conversation ; how the
new s should be forwarded to his friends
and even what arrangements should
be made for his; funeraL,The crying
of women and children, and the fears
expressed, were distinctly heard, yet
he was unable to attract the attention
of his rescuers. He suffered the keen
est mental tortures, fearing that when
the workmen shoulj approach him the
earth and stones would be loosened
aud precipitated upon him, with in
stant death. Finally he succeeded in
making himself heard, and directed
the progress of the excavators.-
The valuo of a good cigar, said Bis
inurk as he proceeded to light an ex
celled Havana, is best, understood
when it is the last you possess and
there is no chance of getting another.
At Koniggrntz I had only one cigar
left iu my pocket, which I carefully
guarded during the whole battle as a
miser does his treasure. I did not feel
justified in using it. I painted in glow
ing colors in niy miud the happy hour
when I should enjoy it after the victo
"D'.'.t I !,B' "'iscalculated my
chances. And. what was the cause oi"
your miscalculation. - A poor dragoon.
He lay helpless, with both arms crush
ed, murmuring for something to refresh
him. I felt iu my pockets aud found
I had only gold, and that would be of
no ue to him. But, stay I still had
ray treasured cigar! I lighted this for
him and placed it between his treth.
You should have seen this poor fellow's
grateful smile! I never eujoved a cigar
so much as that one I did not smoke.
It appears that the colossal guns of
Mont Valerien, and of other forts
about Paris, were filially aud effectual
ly destroyed, at a comparatively small
cost, by means of the uew litho-frac-teur.
The operation was conducted
with complete-success by an oflicer of
of engineers, Van - Forster, assisted by
the toremun of the dyuamite anil
litho-fucteur manufactory at Detttz,
(io happened to be serving at the
time as a private in the German army.
Iu the performance of this operation
it was found sufficient to' discharge
four or five pouuds of the powder,
placed on the top of the gun, to break
and crack it in such a wuy as to ren
der it useless for further military pur
pies. : For similar caution, not more
than about two hundred pounds were
found necessary to effect tho object.
In the case of two guns of very great
size and weight only fractures were
formed the whole length of the bore,
but sufficient to destroy the value of
the Canou. -
' "A very dicreet J"oung Bostou clergy
man, while out sailing the other day,
was saluted by two ladies iu a d'ry,
w ho waved their handkerchief at him.
Being li war enough tu see I hut they
were strangers, he straightway rowed
away, ubseijueiitly be learned from
the friends of the ladies that they had
become too tired to row further, and
wished to obtain assistuuee from him.
Doctor C'ruu'sam was a very punct
ual inuu. Wheu hit wile die. I he weut
to her t'uiif rul. As the earth fell on
i hercofliu everybody around cried. All
he did was to take out his watch, Jook
at the time, and say "Well, we've
got her under, aud it's jutt twenty
I miuutes past two !"
New Sequel. J
A one-armed horseman recently
traveling through Missouri stopped at
a blacksmith shop id have his horse
shod. 'The smith noticed the empty
sleeve, and asked him if he lost his
arm in the war. He replied, with a
sigh, that he did, und even more, go
ing on to relate how he had left his
home to enlist in the Southern army,
and at the close of the war, in going
back, he found that his wife, who
thought him dead, had moved away,
and he had since been unable to ob
tain a trace of her. "What is your
name?" said the baeksmith. When
the answer was "J. M. Waldrup," he
suddenly released the hoof over which
he had been bending, and - without
looking at the ex-soldier, cried, "Fol
low mo into the house" and hurriedly
led the way. Amazed as he was at
the conduct, Waldrup mechanically
obeyed the unexpected bii'ding, aud
before he could pause to think, was in
the presence of a ceniely matron,
about whose sewing chair three happy
children were playing. She was the
blacksmith's wife, the mother of his
little ones; yet, as she arose to see
whom the smith had brought in. and
caught sight of the strange's face, one
wild shriek proclaimed the instaneous
recognition, and she fainted. In the
belief that V aid run was dead, she had
married the blacksmith of Cedar City
in the very yearot the soldier s parole,
and now could only confess her dread
mistake, . and call alternately upon
either husband and her tiod tor par
don. After the first agitation of the
' "d coolly as their respective feelings
! permitted. Devotedly as he loved the
woman, the honest blacksmith admit
ted the other's stronger right to her,
and generously consented that she her
self should decide between them. Af
ter a long passion of tears and self-
reproach, she elected to go with whom
she had loved the first ; but declared,
with bitter lamentations, that bIic
could not leave her children. ' The
smith raising his head from his breast,
on which it had dropped in the first
despondency ;of his great affliction,
eyed her wistfully for a moment, and
then said, "You shall take them, my
dearl" "When the steamboat St. Luke
stopped at tho landing, some hours
later, Waldrup went aboard with his
still weeping and thickly-veiled wife,
and the blacksmith followed with the
childreu. The boat's bell rang for the
starting, aud the dread separation wns
at hand. Tho crew, the passengers,
tho captain all who witnessed it
were affected to tears by the touching
scene. - With great drops rolling down
his tawny cheeks, the smith kisted his
children, oue after another, and in a
choking voice bade their mother an
eternal good bye. The two men gazed
wistfully into each other's faces, shook
hands long aud earuestly, and then
the blacksmith, by a strong effort of
iron will, released the hand of Wald
rup aud walked quickly tu the shore.
He never turned his face again toward
the boat, w'uica sooil passed out of
sight around a merciful bend of the
river, but strode ou, with head bowed
down, to the home whither tho voices
of wife and children should welcome
him no more. Springfield Republican.
Anecdote of Lincoln,
Mr. Lincoln was very fond of a
game of chess, 'and frequently spent
the evening with Judge Treat, a uear
ueighbor in that pastime. Upon ono
occasion, when little Tad was ulotig,
the quiet of the game anJ the loneli
ness of the room became too trying
to his restless nature, and he interrupt
ed the game repeatedly with "Let's go
home, lather." "S't down, Tad, sit
down," said Mr. Lineal n. Tho child
kept quiet a few minutes, but soon
broke the silence again. "Presently,
my son, peseutly," said the father.
Tad waited as long as he could com
mand his temper; then, starting up in
a fit of impatience, he tilted the board,
throwing the pieces on the floor aud
bringing the game to au abrupt .ter
mination. Mr. Lincoln made a stride
or two with his Ion" legs overtook the
little culprit just before he reached
the door, gave him a partial turn-over,
and raised his broad palm. "Tad,"
said he, "you little villain, I'm going
to give you a good whipping" then,
pausing, loweriug his arm, and letting
the child go, he added, "that is, if you
ever do it again." Springfield Jiipub
lieun. A drunken fellow with a box of
matches in his pocket lay down ou the
siu'cwalk in Muscatine, the other day
to enjoy a quiet snooze. While rolling
over in his Bleep the matches took fire.
Awukeniug ho euiifled the air suspi
ciously, smelt tho burning brimstone,
aud ejuculated, "Just as I expected ;
iu h 11 Uiic.) by hokey!"
An old gentleman of seventy want
ed to he married to a girl of seveuteeii.
Oue day a frieud surprise him tender
ly embracing his intended. "I dou't
wonder at your astonishment." suid
the yuu'jg lady, "you dou't generally
expect to find old heads ou young
What American Girls Say About
The varied emotion excited by voting
ladies in leading cities along the line
from Boston to St. Louis, as kisses are
caught or stolen from their sweet lips,
are expressed in tbe following manner
A liuston girl says, with an arsump
tion of indiguaiion, ''Sir, I declare
Buch a liberty as that is beyond all
bounds oi propriety and gentlemanly
manner; I , she is slopped by an
other which is not resisted very badly.
Tho New York girl says: "Indeed.
Air. iirown, your conduct is a little
familiar, it not ardent. I ve half a
mind to ask what you take me for.
The reply of Brown is that he takes
her for something nice and swret, and
sweet, aud a sharp rapid smacking en
sues. The Buffalo girl says with mark
ed posiliveuess of manners, but with
equal lusiucenty, ."Wretch, thief, put
that right back 1 would not lose it for
the world. She not only don't lose it.
but gets as sue wants, double princina
and interest The Philadelphia girl
says: "So you think that's dreadful
smart; you wouldn't have done it if I
had been looking, no indeed ;" but she
makes it a point not to look; -The
Baltimore girl says; "Repeat it if you
dare, sir," aud exposes bcr face that it
may be done easily and often. The
Washington girl remarks : "You've
been gone and done it have you? now
cipher out how much better you feel
and calculate when you'll get another
chance. 1 he Chicago girl says! "Con
found your impudence ! Do you take
me for a New Yorker? I'd have you
know there's a spice of danger in that
little matter." The only danger she
apprehends is that you won t cut and
come again. I lie Cincinnati girl says
"Did you ever, no I never you men
are perfect monsters. Affects tears
and iudignatiou, but it is assuaged by
a duplicate ot the old dose, lhe Lou
isville girl : "You've done it sure and
well. If there is any more-of the
same sort please help yourself. If you
can stand it I can." The Detroit girl
says: "Mien Jerusalem; what
naughty, funny man. Better you look
out now you take oue, two, tour more
before mine mother comes." The St
Louis girl says : "Oh, go along with
your nonsense ; you ought to be ashaui
ed of yourself." She exposes her face
and it is done - again several times.
Boston Poet.
What a wicked shepherd is here
His uarae is the Rev. Mr. Sanford
is of the Methodist persuasion, and he
contracted to take care of a flock
Ghent, Kentucky. He had a nice wife,
and wielded his crook for some time
very respectably. Then he forged
check for $1,500 and got the cash
then he disappeared from the sucred
ranche, and took a lady of his congre
gation with him, leaving bis wife
shift for herself. He soon deserted
the woman he had deceived and she re
turned to Ghei.t.reporting the reveren
rascal to be in Xudiana. (Jfuccrs
pursuit traced him to Vincennes, where
he had been figuring as an M. D.
having there married still another wo
man and deserted ber. He was a shif
ty scamp, for he was next at Fort
Wayne, where he lectured on plirenol
ogy and mesmerism, having mesmeriz
ed another lady out of out of $500.
A very remarkable rogue ! The officers
are still after him, but we doubt if
they catch him,
Somewhere near Louisville there
lives a sensible husband, who was a
soldier in the late war, in which he
learned that cowardice is the better
part of valor. His wife has borne
him no children, a sad thing, which
bothers him not a little. Both man
and wife have fiery tempers which
break' out about once a month, in a
war of words. Then, failing to reduce
his wife in the- unequal strife, the sol
dier shoudera his teut trkes a frying'
pan and provisions, gees away to the
woods aud camps out. Not many
days pass ere the woman goes iu search
of her lord, who, as seen as he sees
her coming whistles aud sings, aud pre
tends that the green wood is tho place
for him, and in it he' could live forever.
Then the wife bursts into tears, he re
mains obdurate for a while, but dual
ly succombs; they theu rush into each
other's arms, theu disentangle them
selves and rush back home, he bearing
the tent aud ahe the frying-pan.
A French paper publishes a curious
report that although the Mont CVuis
tunnel has been pierced, ami locomo
tives passed through it, there is still
sumo doubt us to its being opcu to
truvel for some time to come. The
trouble is in the ventilation of the tun
nel. The smoke cnvolved from the
locomotives is not driven out. Out of
three engine drivers who were employ
ed on the trip through the tunnel, two
died ot suttiietttioii, ami the third was
restored to lite with great ditticulty.
An item has bec-u going the rounds
about a huroio man, hi l'liidley, Ohio,
who rushed into a burning grocery and
brought out three kegs of gunpowder,
the c-xplosioii of which wuuid have de
stroyed much property. Jt is uow as
serted that ho though the kegs coji.
taiued brandy, and for that reason
ru-bed in aud saved them.
A Negro Fire-Eater.
They have down in Maryland a man
whom they style the African tiro
King. He gave an exhibition of his
'powers recently in a physician a ot
fice in the presence of about twenty
porsoni, and one of them describes tho
results thus : He first heated a shovel
red hot, and applied it to the bottom
of one of his feet. I made no impres
sion on him what-ever. He next heat
a shovel red hot and licked .it .repeat
edly with his tongue. It did cot even
dry the saliva in his mouth. Ho then
put his has baud in a hot Btove and
took therefrom a red hot anthracite
coal, and offered it to ' the spectators,
who declined to accept the present.
His hand was not even scorched.. Ho
then called out to know if there wcro
any "unbelievers" present. To his as
tonishment we announced ourselves
still "unbelievers." He then put a
shovel in the stove, aud partially Clled
it with shot;, when the shot had got
pretty hot he stirred them with -his
naked fingers till the lead had melted.
He then took the shovel in his right
hand and poured the hot melted lead
in his left hand, and then poured i the
burning solution into hit mouth, kept
it there till it cooled and spit it out
in a lump. We theu expressed our
selves entirely satisfied. 1 He said that
was only a twenty dollar performance ;
if tbey would make him up fifty dol
lars he would show something worth
A little boy, three years old, who
has a little brother of three mouths,
gave a reason for the latter's good con
duct "Baby dosen'tcry tears, because
he dousen't drink any water, aud lie
can't cry milk."
A Baiubridire screnadcr, who mourn
fully warbled, "I am lonely to-night,
love, without tbee, .had lus loneliness
alleviated by a number of dogs, who
made it lively enough fur him tho bal
ance of the night.
"Patty," a lady called a littlo girl
who was in the parlor, "did you tell
vour mother that I was hero?" "Yes,
Tm," answered Patty, demurely. "And
what did she say?" "Sho said, 'Oh,
that dreadful woman again.'"
At a recent wedding in Rhiuebeck,
as the clergyman reached tho part of
the ceremony, "I now pronounco you"
a fish peddler in the street 'shouted
"bull heads! bull!" to the amusement
of some and the consternation of oth
ers present on the occasion. ,
The ties used on the South American
railways have been transported almost
entirely from California, us tho hard
wood ties cut ou the Andes cannot be
used without boring tho spike-holes
with augers. The ties cost oue dollar
each lauded at Collao.
Tho physicians of the Health 'Dj
piirtment in New York,- in reporting
the mortality of that city to tho
Board, begins: "I have the hdnor to
report tho following deaths.". This is
like tho sherilT who wrote:, "I have
the pleasure to inform you that you
are appointed a deputy to assist iu tlio
l..,!r, f T.K.. &...:!. ,
hanging of Johu Smith.'
The Chicago Times likens Chicago
to the man who earned a dollar, or
just as much as and uo more than it
cost him to live. He might live six
working days, but the seventh, the
Sabbath, he must work or cease to live.
The Times says: "Now, ' every man
who bas capital invested in Chicago,
is iu exactly this situation. .The av
erage profit which his capita will cam
at the present time, does not exceod
five and a half per cent, per annum ;
and five and a half per cent, per an
num is exactly what government, of
oue kiud or another, fakes away, iu
the shape of taxes, from all capital in
vested in Chicago."
I gave her a rose aud gave her a
ring and I asked her to marry me then;
but she scut them all back, insensible
thing and said she'd had no notion of
uieu. 1 told her I'd occuus of money
and goods, tried to frighten her with a
growl; but she answered that slie
wasn't brought up in the woods lo lm
scared by the screech of an' owl. I
called her a beggar, and everything
bad; I slighted her features and form ;
till at leugth I succeeded iu getting
her mud, aud site raged like a eu iu u
storm. Aud then, iu a motueut i turn
ed aud I smiled.tiud called her my an
gel und all ; she fell iu my urins like a
wearisome child and exclaimed: "Wu
will murry this fall."
Western papers seen.) to" vie with
each other in telling tho biggest snake
stories An Arkansas paper notes the
killing of suuko ltPfect long ami 23
inches in circumference. Thou a, Mis
souri paper comes along wjth a snako
20 feet long 30 iuches in circumference.
But not to bo outdone the Kausa ui put in its claim for the suakt
championship by giving an account of
a snake IvS feet long and 4$ inches
around the body, rovered with scales
like lish, and having a yellowish, sul
phureous tint and smell. But now
comes along a Chicago paper, aud sav
they have a snake 1,400 feet Itug and
'.'isj feet round tho tip f the taii, and
; asks, as a mathematical problem, h
I uiucli it will npnsuri round the waif?.