81k yttti gcjmMtottt.
18 rCIILlSIIED EVERY TUB8DAY, BY
W. R. DUNN.
DQioe In Krox'i Building, Kirn, Street.
Rates of Advertising;
Republican.
One Square (I inch,) one insertion... -II to
One Square " one month 0
One Square " three months... 0 0
One Square " one year 10 00
Two rVjrmrew, one year '
quarter Col. " eo
OREST
Half " " mt vw
One " " 100 00
TEKMS, $2.00 A YEAR.
No Hubscrlptlons rocolved for shorter
period tlinn three months.
Corrosondonco solicited from all porta
of tlio country. No notice will bo taken of
aiinonymou communication.
Marriagos and Death notices Inserted
gratis.
Business Cards, not exceeding one in oh
In length, $10 per year.
M Let us have Faith that Right makes Might ; and in that Faith let us to the end, dare do our duty as we understand if- -LINCOLN.
Legal notices at established rotes.
These rates are low, and no deviation
will be made, or discrimination among
patrons. The rates offered are such, se
will make It to the advantage of men dot. t
VOL. IV. NO. 1 2.
TIONESTA, PA., TUESDAY, JUNE 20, 1871.
$2 PER ANNUM.
business in the limits of the circulation of
the paper to advertise liberally.
F
BUSINESS DIRECTORY.
TIONKSTALODGE.NO. 477.
X. O. Gk T.
feeta every Wednesday evening, at 8
o clock.
W. It. Dt'XN, W. C. T.
M. W. TATE, W. 8.
. HWJOK rTTl, MILKS W. TAT.
PETTIS A TATE,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
m (hi rf t, TI0NE1STA , PA .
Isaac Ash,
ATTORNEY AT LAW, Oil City, Pa.
Will practice In tho various Courts of
Forr.lt County. AH business entrusted to
tli care will receive prompt attention.
10 ly
V. W. Mason
ATTOTtNEY AT T.AW. Office on Kim
Street, auovo Walnut, Tionosla, Ia.
C. W. Gilfillan,
TTORKF.Y AT LAW, KrnnVlin, Ve
L nango Co., l'a. tf.
N. B. Smiley,
ATTORNEY aT LAW, Petroleum Cen
tre, Pa. Will practice In the several
Oourta of Forest County. 8"-ly
Holmes House,
HIONERTA, PA., opposite the Depot.
1 C. It. Mabio, Proprietor. Oood .Sta
bling connected with the honso. tf.
Jos. Y. Saul,
PRACTICAL Harnena Maker and Sad
dler. Three doors north of Holmes
House, Tlonosta, Pa. All work is war
ranted. M t'
Syracuse House,
T1DIOUTK, Ta., J. A D Maofe, rroplo
tors. Tlio house has been thoroughly
retltted and Is now ia tho lirst-dass order,
with the best of accommodations. Any
nformation concerning Oil Territory at
this point will be cheerfully furnished,
-ly J. sD. MA(Jt:E,
Kxchango Hotel,
T OWKR TIDIOUTE, Pa., D. 8. Ravs
xa DF.F.L. A Son Prop's. This house having
been retlted is now the most desirable stop
ping place in Tidiouto. A good Milliard
Room attached. 4 ly
; . .' National Hotel,
TRYINETON, PA. W. A. Ilallenbnck,
. Proprietor. This hotel is Nkw, and is
;w Open as a first class house, situato at
. no junction of the Oil Creek A Allegheny
-diver and Philadelphia A Krie Itailroails,
.' pposito tho IeK)t. Parties having to lay
vorirafns will tlnd this the most oonven
cnt hotel In town, with first-class aeeom
itodutions and reasonable charues. tf.
Tiff) Sons & Co.'s
NEW ENGINES. The undersigned hare
lor sale and will receive orders for the
above Engine. Messrs. Tllft Sons A Co.
aro now sending to this market their 12
lloiso Power Engine with 14-HorSe Power
Holler peculiarly adapted to deep wells.
Oi'KK'Ks at Duncan A Chalfant's, dealers
In Well Fixtures, Hardware, Ac., MainSt.
next door to Chase House, Fleasautville,
and at Mansion House, Titusville.
tf. K. llllinT SON. Agents.
Jorn K.. Mullock,
TTORNEY AT LAW and Rolieitor of
I Pntents.No. 5r I- rench treet(opHsito
Hood Honso) Erie. Pa. Will practice in
tliQ several Slate Courts ami the United
Mutes Court. Sjfci.il attention given to
aolicitirj patents for Inventors ; infringe
ments, re-Issue and extension of patents
carefully attended to. Ucferences: Hon.
Jauins t'-ainplKll, Clarion; Hon. John H.
McCalmoiit, Franklin; II. L. A A. H
Ilichinond, Meadvillo; W. E. Lathy. Ti
ouesta. 2 7
Dr. J. L. Acomb,
PHYSICIAN AND SURG EON, who has
bad fifteen years' experiencein a largo
ana succession nractieo. will attenri
Professional Calls. Otllce in his Drug and
Orocery Store, located in Tidioute, near
Tidioute ilouso.
IN HIS UTORE WILL BE FOUND
A full assortment of Modlcines, Liquors
Tobacco, Ciirars. Stationery. Olass, Paints,
Oils. Cutlery, and fine Oroccries, all of the
best quality, and will be sold at reasonable
rates.
II. R. BURGESS, an experienced Drug.
Mist from New York, has charge of the
store. All prescriptions put up accurately,
. tf.
W. P. MerciUlott,
Attorney at Xi w .
UF. A I, ESTATE AG EXT.
TIONESTA, PA.
' 87-tf
JOHN A. DALE, PRCt'T.
OHM A. PROPER, VICIPREST. A. H. STEELE, CAtHR,
tioiltiest-A:
savings bank,
Tionesta, Forest Co., Pa.
This Bank transact! a General Banking,
K'ollectingaud Exchange Business.
Drain on the Principal Cities of the
'.United Suites and Europe bought and sold.
Gold and Silver Coin and Government
Securities bought and sold. 7-ao BouUs
converted on tlio most favorable terms.
1 nturest allowed on time deposits.
Mar. 4, tf.
XOT1CE.
DR. J. N. BOLARD, or Tidiouto, has
roturnsd to his practice after an ab
sence of four months, spoilt in the Hospi
tals of New York, whore will alUmd
talis in his profession.
otlice in Eureka'Drug Store, 3d door
Above tho bank, Tidioute, Pa. 4ttf
"jq m a dkfuom
Something urgently needed by everybody
I all and examino, or sail. pies seni posiage
mill tor no cia Willi reuiu cuany ir v.
Wolcott, 1S1 Chatliriil Sq.. N. 1 . 4n-H
DEAFNESS, Catarrh and Scrofula. A
lady who had sullered for years from
Deafues, Catarrh and Scrofula, was cured
by a simple remedy. Her sympathy and
gratitude prompts lier to send the receipts
free ot'ch irge t v auv one similarly allliel.
ed. Address Mr. M. 0, DKgyjet. Jersey
K. J. -t
GREAT EXCITFMENTI
t the Store of
D. S. KNOX, & GO.,
Elm St., ionesta Fa.
We are In dally receipt o the argestand
MOST COMPLETE stock
CSROCKKIIIS
and
ritovisioxs,
EVER BROUGHT TO THIS MARKET
BOOTS & SHOES !
FOR TUB
MILLIONS!
which we aro determined to sell regardless
of prices.
:h:.a.:r,:d"w.a.:r,:e:
AND
House Furnishing Goods, Iron, Kails,
Machine tools, Agricultural Implements,
Ac., Ac,, Ac, which we offer at greatly re-
ducod prices.
FURNITURE ! FURNITURE ! I
of all kinds,
PARLOR SUITS,
CHAMBER SETS,
LOUNGES,
WHATNOTS,
SPRING BEDS,
MATRESSES,
LOOKING GLASS
ES, Ac, Ac., Ac,
In ENDLESS VARIETY. Call and see,
7-tf
D. S. KNOX, A CO.
GENTS WANTKI) FOR THE
rV LIBRARY OF POETRY AND
SONO. The handsomest and cheapest
work extent. It has something In it of the
Dest lor every ono, ror tne old, the mitl-dle-aged
and the young and must become
universally popular. Excepting the Bible
this will be the book most loved and the
most frequently referred to in tho family.
Every page ha passed under tho critical
eye of tne jreut poet,
WM. CULLEN BRYANT.
Bare chance for best audits. The only
book of its kind ever sold by subscription.
Send at once for circulars, Ac, t
GEO. MACLEAN, Publisher,
3u-4t 7 ID Sansom St., Philadelphia, Pa.
SEASON OP 1870-71.
MASON & HAMLIN CABINET
ORGANS.
Important Improvemens.
Patent June 21st and August 23d, 1870.
REDUCTION OF PRICES.
The Mason A Hamlin Organ Co., have
the pleasure of announcing imiortant im
provements in their Cabinet Organs, for
which Patents were granted them in June
and August last. These are not merely
meretricious attachments, but enhance tho
substantial excellence of the instruments.
They are also enabled by increased facil
ities a largo now manufactory, they hope
hereafter to supply all orders promptly.
The Cabinet Organs made by this Com
pany aro of such universal reputation, not
Willy throughout America, but also in Eu
rope, that low will need assurance of their
suiieriority.
They now offer Four Octave Cabinet Or
gans, In quite plain cases.but equal accord
ing to their capacity to anything they make
for tM each. .
The same, Doub'e Reed, 5. Five Oc
tave Double) Reed Organs, Five Stops.with
Knee swell and Tremulant, in elegant case
with several of the Mason and Hamlin
improvements, $1. The same Extra
with new Vox Humana, Automatic Swell
etc., $l.ri0. FiveOctaves, three sew Reeds,
seven stops with Euphone; a splendid in
struments, A new illustrated catalogue with full
information, and repuced prices, is now
read v. and will be sent free. With a testi
monial circular, presenting a great mass of
evidence as to tne suiHTioriiy oi muse in
struments, to any one sending his address
to MASON A llA.MUN ORGAN CO., 154
Treiuont Stroet, Boston, os u'Jo Broadway,
N. V. Ho-H
nv Kkv. T. in Witt Tai.m.uik,
The most Popular Preacher in America.
Agents wanted everywhere, mule or fe.
i.. .i unii iliiu irrcui. u-ork. is better t hail
Mark Twain, and no trouble to sell. Big
Profits. Send for terms and illustrated 12
page circular, Kvaus, Sloddart A Co. Pub
iishtrs, No. 710 Smiaoiu St., Philadelphia.
33-41
A TALE OF THE SEA.
A ThrilllngTldal, Tragedy. Translated
from the Original Japanese of Hari Karl
on "Ye durl of Ye Period, and Why She
Doth Not Swymmo," by Santa Anna
Claws.
The gurl. stood on the pebbly shore,
Wbonce other gurls had fled.
Rich and rare were tho clothes she wore:
And the chignon on her head.
Chorus Kl 111, Oh ml,
Tweedle um Doe.
Oh t rapturous was this lovely gurl,
With hor heaving palpltators.
Her teeth of tho pnrost mother of pearl,
And hor eyes as black as her gaiters.
Chorus As before.
HI
The waves rolled in, but she could not
swim
Bocause her ma wan't there :
That ma, down town at a matlneo,
Knew naught of her Maiden's Prayer.
Chorus: Some more.
Long at tho beautiful sea gazed the maid,
As It danced on tho pebbly shore ;
Till at length Blie cried "This thing's about
played,
I must swim If I swim nevermore."
Chorus ; Again.
V
"Mother, oh mother, I must," she cried j
"Forgive, ah forgive your daughter,"
And disrobing, sho dove a pensive dive
Into forty fathoms of water.
Chorus : As on previous occasions,
VI
Sho paddled about in tho deep bluo sea,
And enjoyed her sweet self most fully:
While the fishes looked on in exuberant
glee,
And cried out, "0, our oyc, aiu't this
bully t"
Chorus : As heretofore.
VII
Such innocent joy is ever soon o'er ;
And soon ; ah, terrb-le day I
Two rufilans drew near to that sad sea
shore, And with tho maid's clothos ran away.
Chorus : jut in tho iirst place.
VIII
Willi brutality wild, thoy.stolo tho whole
pile,
From chignon to fairy-like gaiter j
They left not so much to clothe tho poor
child,
As a garter or small palpitator.
Chorus With fooling and considerable
sentiment.
Thon dark grew tho sun, and gloomy each
cloud ;
And the maiden, ah 1 where was sho T
Ask that of the waves that had made her
shroud ;
For in an agony of grief at her sad pre
dicament, knowing that she could not
walk home as othergirls, and animated by
a strong desire to revenge her wrongs
upon her cruel persecutors by haunting
them with her pale, sad ghost, forever and
ever, amen she had drowuod herself in
the soa.
Chorus Kl hi, oh ml, ko ho, ah bo,
tweedlo um, twodle um, twidle um
dee.
How Bad Boys are Reformed.
The annual report of the Board of
Trustees of the btate Reform School
of Connecticut says : Never since the
establishment of the institution has
there been more reason to congratulate
the friends of re lb r in on the success
attending their efforts than at present."
The labor of the boys has been contin
uous, and there has not occurred a sin
gle day's intermission in several years
on aceouut of the deficiency of mater
ial. This is a great benefit, as it helps
morally, mentally physicially, pecuni
arily, and in the discipline of the
result is very satisfactory. The ag
gregate of the labor of the boys on
the farm and in the shops is estimated
at $15,000. The boys have made 800
coats, 1,031 pair of pants, 846 shirts,
217 vests, 591 pair of suspenders, 55
aprons, 418 handkerchiefs, 108 pairs
of mittens, 9 pairs of slippers, 163
bed ticks, 96 bed spreads, 247 pillow
ticks, 486 sheets, 339 bed quilts, 115
towels, 29 curtains, 2 carpets, 410 pil
low cases. The amount received for
the boys' labor in the chair shops was
$10,227.32; the expense being 818,
149.92 ; 81,798 chair seats were carved;
6,325 backs, and 192 settees.
The farm contains 169 acres. It
produces sixty tons ot hay, and win
ters thirty head of cattle and four
horses. The whole cost of the farm,
and building when completed, will be
about $115,000. Boys bctweeu the
ages of ten and sixteen may be scut
for crime by the several courts of the
State, for not less than nine months
and during minority. Boarders are
received by indenture f.oru parent or
guardian, for a period of six months,
not less, but longer, and advauce pay
for three mouths is required at $3 per
week,
The inmates aro required to labor
at some domestic, farming, or mechan
ical employment, six and one half
hours per day, and to attend school
four and one-half hours.
A California Romance.
From the New York Times.
A tale comes to us from San Fran
cisco so oddly dramatic as to be worth
recording. It appears that a charm
ing young lady of course the story
would lack interest were she common
place fell in love with a person, call
ed by his own class and those with
whom they consort, a "sport." In
other words, he was a dealer at a faro j
bank, and as such excluded from the !
society wherein his fair enslaver '
habitually moved, lint they met by j
chance at a public ball; and, just as,
Claude Melnotte admired from among .
his nowers and cabbages the haughty :
Pauline, who was destined to become I
his bride, so, from among his marked j
cards, chips and coppers, did the
young gamester lift his eyes to this
lovely girl of San Francisco, and for
get the gulf between them. So in the
sequel did she. Somehew they were
introduced at the ball, and afterward
they met this time not by chance
at a photograph gallery. They were
subsequently described by the sympa
thetic artist as they appeared on t he
occasion. She wore blue, and had "a
wealth" of golden hair. The captive
"sport" was "faultlessly dressed" in
full black, garnished with diamonds,
and had "a love of a mustache." The
first clandestine meeting was followed,
as is apt to be the case, by others, and
to tell the tale briefly, wound up in a
secret marriage. All went on smooth
ly for a time, great as was the risk,
and the honeymoon, masked in secret
as it was, seemed to promise well.
But presently a tiny cloud darkened
the skies of happiness. It came, to
quote the words of a San Fraucisco
journal, "in the shape ot a live,
healthy man of business, occupying
business relations with the young
lady'a papa." This healthful and
feeble teHtleman soon became &
suitor for the young lady's hand. The
f'ather.wlio is represented to be a "mer
chant prince" of conventional pre
judices, favored the suit. It was
avoided, quite naturally, by the
daughter, and finally entreaties, ex
postulation and menace brought on an
explosion. All was confessed, and the
horror stricken parent was dumb with
rage and mortification. But this
young, yet astute child of the setting
sun was equal to the occasion.
"What's the use," she pertinently
asked, "making a fuss about it? The
thing's done. The only question is,
how can it be undone so that I can do
as you wish ?" The father listened in
silence, and the daughter went on ; "I
believe my husband is already tired
of me, and I know I ain of him. No
one knows of this. Go and buy him
off. Make him consent to a divorce.
Give him what money he wants, and
then 1 cun marry the rich and pros
perous New Yorker." The guileless
scheme appealed Bjroi.gly to the busi
ness instincts of our "merchant
prince," and he straightway set to
work to realize it. Several interviews
followed with the "sport," who proved
as fickle as the blind goddess lie fol
lowed, and finally $20,000 was agreed
upon as the 'sum to be paid hiiu for
consenting to the divorce. This was
promptly carried through. The rich
New Yorker, none the wiser, soon
came for his bride to the golden gate,
and their engagement was formally
announced. And now follows the pith
of this romantic story.
The marriage was to take place in a
week, and the intended bride was all
blushes and complaisance. Father
and bridegroom vied with each other
in lavishing costly gifts upon her, and
the unsophisticated creature had a
sumptuous trousseau made ready to
briug eastward to New York. But
the night befure the wedding a thrill
of dismay ran through the household.
It was the story of young Lochinvar
over again. The bride had fled, and
worst of all, with the insidious "sport."
The $20,000 and the trousseau, to
gether with the wedding gifts, we need
hardly say, bore the faithful pair com
pany. A letter was soon found ad
dressed to the father. It stated,
simply, that the young lady changed
her mind, atid that when the epistle
was read she would tie far on her way
to New York, escorted by her former
husband, whom she had married again.
Whether the whole plan was arranged
beforehand by way of getting a start
in life that faro had failed to supply,
must be left to conjecture It is said,
however, that the father had not been
obduratate, and that on the accepted
coudition, that the green cloth t-hould
be abandoned forever, he has forgiven
the twice wedded pair, and made his
son-in-law his business agent in the
Atlantic States. Such is life.
Up in Will county, a young lady
attempted to leave the purental man
sion, at dead of night, by lowering
herself from her chamber by men in of
a pulley and rope fustotied to the win
dow. Sho had just reached the
ground, where her lover awaited her,
when her enraged sire appeared, seized
the young niau, fastened the hook to.
his pants, and raised him skywards,
leaving him dangling in the air until
morning. The clopewcut is rostpc nud
indefinitely.
Preemption and Homestead Laws.
The following letter, containing
valuable information regarding the
laws governing preemption and home
steads on Government lands, was re
ceived by the Farmers Club from II.
Marshall Peming, of City Park,
Kansas: "In the session of April 11,
Mr. Lyman read a paper for the in
formation of those who wish to emi
grate West, in which there are some
misstatements which I write this to
correct. Speaking of the twenty-mile
strips of land in what are known as
railroad limits, he says : "These belts
of land are laid out in checkers of oue
square mile. The odd squares belong
to tre country, the even squares to the
railroad. These odd square miles
cannot be bought at the Government
price; they are reserved for home,
steads. Any family man can have
title to an eighty-acre homestead by
going and settling on it. Any soldier
of the late war who can show an
honorable record receives twice as
much as another citizeu he gets 160
acres.' Further on, he seems to use
the terms preempt and homestead in
terchangeably. Now, 1st, the even
numbered squares are the ones which
'belong to the country,' and out of
these the squares numbered 19 and 36
are reserved for public school pur
poses. 2d. The Government disposes
of this land the same way that it does
other public lands, except that the
price is doubled, aud one can only
homestead half as much, so that the
Government actually receives as much
revenue from the railroad belts as
from other portions of the public do
main. The only exception to this is
the case of honorably discharged
soldiers, who can homestead as much
in the railroad limits as out of it.
These lands can be bought at Govern
ment price 82,50 per acre, by actual
settlers. This constitutes what is
, . . . . ...
known as preemplion. .ny citizen
twenty-one years old, or the bead of
family, can preempt 100 acres. A
laud warrant can be used, as in the
case of other lands, by paying extra
$200; that is, a land wariaut aud
$200 will preempt 160 acres. Two
land warrants cannot be used on one
piece of land. 3d. The homestead
right is not restricted to 'family men.'
Any citizen who is twenty -one, or who
is the head of a family, male or
female. It is not necessary that they
be twenty-one if they are heads of
families. One who has" preempted can
homestead, but one cannot preempt
who has homesteaded. 4th. A home
stead settler does not have to pay for
his land as tho preempter does. He
pays the office aud survey fees, $15
for 80 acres, at the land office when he
makes bis entry, and when he gets his
title when he can 'prove hve years
actual residence on the land, without
further expense. Many persons want
ing 160 acres in the railroad limits
build on the line separating the two
eighties, and then preempt one eighty,
and homestead the other, preempting
first both could be done the same
day. A person wishing to locate
should decide which section of the
country he desires to examine, and go
to the laud-office and get township
plots, with the land which is open to
settlement marked on them, lhey
cost $1 each, and a man by spending a
few dollars this way can save many
times as much by the readiness with
which he can fiud a suitable tract not
already taken."
The correspondent of the Chicago
Journal says: It has become quite
fitshonable here for good-looking and
intelligent young Americans to seek
employment as coachmen to wealthy
families, and especially those in which
there are marriageable daughters.
"Wants" for situations of this kind
are numerous. I know one young
man, a graduate of one of the public
schools, who, after having tried to
"catch" a hanr'somd young lady, and
the daughter of a wealthy gentleman,
while serving as a clerk in one of the
rincipal dry goods stories, changed
lis base of operations, and actually
became a coachman, by "accident,
course, to the family to which the lady
in question belonged. It is unnecessa
ry to relate how, where aud when the
young man succeeded in winning the
heart of the pretty girl, or to detail
how indignant was papa and mamma
when they discovered that fact. Be
ing a scion of a friction of the aristoc
racy, she had, kind soul, condescended
to throw herself away upon the
horrid coachman, a gentlemau of good
family, but who hud beeu convicted of
the heinous offence of being poor. But
there was no help fur it, aud they were
married, the young man received a
blessing aud a check sufficiently large
enough to enable him to go into busi
ness aud carry his head high. The
genuine Boston couchiuan wears brans
! buttons to some purpose, lie is
anxious to go to Newport aud Swamp
, tcott and goes, but not as an artificial
' automaton by auy moans.
) Two little school girls wore lately
prattling together, and oue of them
suid,"Ve keep four servants, have gut
six horses and lots of carriages ; now
what have you got?" With quite as
much pride the other answered,
I "We've dot a skunk under our barn."
Adventure.
Donn Piatt tells the following good
story in one of his letters:
lhe latest story that is going the
rounds here is told of one of the Second
Joints, as the secretaries were called,
to distinguish them from the High
Joints. 1 hia was an elegant youth,
rather slender and tall, whose talk be
gan and ended in one short sentence
which said, "Aw, I beg y'r pawdon,"
which drawled out, has a very pleas
ing result, and is being generally inn
tated by our free born youths of
America about Washington.
It seems that this sprig of .hnghsh
nobility was invited to pass some
days at the country house of a wealthy
American, and late at night, before
retiring, concluded to take "a bath,
you know, and so, directed by a ser
vant, he found his way to the bath
room, and, turning ou the warm water,
wat soon enjoying a lull length and
delicious souse of an entire relaxation
of his aristocratic intellect.
Unfortunately, the daughter of the
house also concluded to take a dip in
the tub, and, not knowing what their
illustrious guest had dona to himself,
undressed in her room, ran hurriedly
along the hall for fear of meeting some
one, and darting hurriedly into the
bath room, closed the door. What
was her consternation to see a head
raise languidly from the tub, and a
voice exclaim :
"Aw, I beg pawdon."
She screamed a scream I indulge
in no exaggeration when I say that
that gul screamed a scream of th
first magnitude, and then screamed
another scream as, in her confusion,
she turned tho key in the wrong di
rection, and so did not open the door.
Between each scream the languid
voice exclaimed :
"Aw, I beg pawdon."
After sixteen screams, any one of
which would have rivaled the locomo
tives, she succeeded in opening the
door, aud fell fainting into the arms
of her papa. So Boon as paterfamilias
could relieve himself ot bis nude
daughter, he stuck his paternal head
into the bath room and wanted to
know what in h 1 was the matter,
All he could get in reply was :
"Aw, I beg pawdon."
Jealousy is a disagreeable quality
to get aloug with, but it produces a
good deal ot the excitement winch
keeps people alive, and not unf're
quently gives rise to some rather ludi
crous scenes. A lady in Virginia who
was subject to this unpleasant malady
lately returned home, after a short ab
sence, and took the precaution to re
connoiter through the key-hole befure
entering her room, whan she saw ber
husband tenderly adjusting a shawl
upon the shoulders of a woman. Here
was "confirmation strong as proofs of
holy writ that all had not been right
in her absence. She procured a shot
gun from an adjoining room, suddenly
opening the door, and lodged the dead
ly charge in the back of a dummy
which her husbaud, who dealt in dry
goods, had brought home in order to
put it in repair during the lonely
hours of his wife's absence. After this
incident it was still more In need of
repair, but the woman's mind was in a
more healthy condition than befoie.
Robert T. Lincoln is thus referred
to in a book, just published, on the
Chicago bar : "He is but little more
than twenty-five years of age, anj has
already taken a position as being an
excellent manager, possessed of good
ability, quiet, shrewd, unostentatious,
and with a thorough devotion to the
profession of the law. He is the more
entitled to credit from the fuct that be
has steadily resisted all attemps to in
duce him to accept some official posi
tion while his father was President, or
to participate in politics since; and
that he has applied himself to his legal
studies ptecifely as if he were the sou
of the least influential of parents, and
has pursued them under many painful
and discouraging circumstances. He
has proved that he has a thousand
sterling qualities ; and there can be
no doubt that with uge he will attain
a distinguished eminence as a member
of the legal profession."
In Leavenworth, Indiana, a youth
named Tucker undertook to play
burglar and scare a young man who
was a bank clerk and suspected of
timidity. In this he succeeded ; but
as he was chuckling over his exploit
he was surprised by the appearance of
his victim leinforce' by a strong
party of friends, who all supposed Mr.
Tucker to be a burglar of the most
atrocious character. It was not until
he had been chased nearly a mile, and
forty shots fired at him from revolvers,
and been overtaken and fearfully
beaten, that Mr. Tucker found an op
portunity to explain the joke.
A Kansas City husband gave his
wife 8400 to buy Christmas present
for herself. She selected a young
clerk and two ruilioad tickets.
A sign on an eating house on the
New Jersey Railroad says: "Coflce
aud eggs fresh laid by Mary Jones."
Why is an old maid like a dried-up
lemon ? Because sho ought to have
been 8qticf;ed, but wasn't.
Rochester boasts a gold-fish with two
tails, a sort of Maltese cross aflair.ono
being attached at right angles to the
other.
Out West the young ladies keep a
light burning in the parlor to a late
hour on Sunday night, to "make be
lieve" they've caught a beau.
A physician writes asking a renewal
of a note which he owes, giving as a
reason therefor : "We are in a horri
ble crisis ; there is not a sick man in
the district."
A young bachelor in Jersey City
was urged to marrv, but he replied :
"I don t see it. My father was a
single man, and he always got along
well enough.
An Irish schoolmaster recently in
formed his pupils that the feminine
gender should be applied to all ships
and vessels afloat, except mail steamers
and men-of-war.
Somebody has written a book enti
tled "What shall my son be?" Upon
which some one frankly replied : "If
the boy is as bad as the book, the
chances are that he will be hanged."
"This world is all a fleeting show,"
said a priest to a culprit on the
gallows. "Yes," was the prompt re-
fily, "but if you have no objection, I'd
ike to see the show a little longer."
Some young vandals in Cincinnati
receutly stole the inside of a poor
organ grinder's machine, and he being
deaf, ground away next morning in
blissful ignorrnceot what had happen
ed.
A Kansas lady went to the theatre
and handed the man in the box office
a fine tooth comb, having mistaken it
for her ticket, when she left home.
The doorkeeper said she could not
comb in.
An old bachelor liaving been laugh
ed at by a bevy of pretty girls, told
them that they were small potatoes.
'We may be small potatoes," replied .
one of the maidens, "but we are sweet
onec"
A Louisville girl, whose lover dis
graced himself by some unlawful
deed, told the unfortunate youth that
she could never marry him, but that
she had $2,500 in her own right which
he could take and go away and try to
redeem his character, lie took the
money and left. That girl loved ar
dently and unselfishly.
A patient complained to his physi
cian that he was pursued by a ghost
the night before, as he was going home
from the tavern. "What shape was
it?" asked the doctor. "In the shape
of a jackass," said the man. "Go
home, replied the physician, "and
keep sober. You were drunk last
night, and frightened by your own
shadow I"
A short time since word was sent to
Mr. A. T. Stewart, at New York, that
his woolen mills at Utiea had five
hundred tons of coal to spare which
might be sold to advantage, as the
price was high and the article scarce.
Word came immediately back, "Sell
none, but as the price id high, and the
article scarce, give away the whole to
the working people of the mills, share
and share alike." This order was
carried into immediate execution.
Not many years ago a mother took
her child to a registrar in Manchester
that its birth might be recorded.
When asked what name she intended
to give her baby, she answord Alpha
Omega. The register properly in
quired whether she had duly consider
ed the matter and whether it was her
deliberate intention to inflict upon the
infant such extraordinary titles.
'Certainly she replied, "the child is
my first aud I hope it may be my last.
A Western paper tells this story:
In Wisconsin, ut a locality called
Plum City, lives a Swode, who, having
this Spring but oue ox, persuaded his
wife to carry one end of the yoke in
ploughing, while he held the plough
and their boy drove. The woman
labored at this extraordinary employ
ment for two days, but was then com
pelled to quit it, aud take to her bed,
on account of having ruptured an in
ternal organ in her efforts to keep her
end of tho yoko even. In two days
after, she died, the physician called
by the neighbors finding it impossible,
when he reached her, to do auy thing
for her relief.
The Buckeye State says: Under
the new law which gives to sufferers
by the sale of intoxicating liquors the
right to recover damages sustained by
the sale of liquor to husbands, the wo
men are doing more to prohibit the
flow of whiskey than all the laws to
gether that have ever been 'placed up
on the statute books of Ohio. All
over the State, the poor unfortunate
wives aud children of drunken hus
bands and fathers are availing them
selves of the benefits of this law to de
fend themselves from threatened starv
ation. The law is a good one, and no
one need feur its penalties unless he
wishes to violute the law, and sell to
his neighbor thut which which beggars
his family and steals from him his
senses and makes him lower than the
brute. '