81k yttti gcjmMtottt. 18 rCIILlSIIED EVERY TUB8DAY, BY W. R. DUNN. DQioe In Krox'i Building, Kirn, Street. Rates of Advertising; Republican. One Square (I inch,) one insertion... -II to One Square " one month 0 One Square " three months... 0 0 One Square " one year 10 00 Two rVjrmrew, one year ' quarter Col. " eo OREST Half " " mt vw One " " 100 00 TEKMS, $2.00 A YEAR. No Hubscrlptlons rocolved for shorter period tlinn three months. Corrosondonco solicited from all porta of tlio country. No notice will bo taken of aiinonymou communication. Marriagos and Death notices Inserted gratis. Business Cards, not exceeding one in oh In length, $10 per year. M Let us have Faith that Right makes Might ; and in that Faith let us to the end, dare do our duty as we understand if- -LINCOLN. Legal notices at established rotes. These rates are low, and no deviation will be made, or discrimination among patrons. The rates offered are such, se will make It to the advantage of men dot. t VOL. IV. NO. 1 2. TIONESTA, PA., TUESDAY, JUNE 20, 1871. $2 PER ANNUM. business in the limits of the circulation of the paper to advertise liberally. F BUSINESS DIRECTORY. TIONKSTALODGE.NO. 477. X. O. Gk T. feeta every Wednesday evening, at 8 o clock. W. It. Dt'XN, W. C. T. M. W. TATE, W. 8. . HWJOK rTTl, MILKS W. TAT. PETTIS A TATE, ATTORNEYS AT LAW, m (hi rf t, TI0NE1STA , PA . Isaac Ash, ATTORNEY AT LAW, Oil City, Pa. Will practice In tho various Courts of Forr.lt County. AH business entrusted to tli care will receive prompt attention. 10 ly V. W. Mason ATTOTtNEY AT T.AW. Office on Kim Street, auovo Walnut, Tionosla, Ia. C. W. Gilfillan, TTORKF.Y AT LAW, KrnnVlin, Ve L nango Co., l'a. tf. N. B. Smiley, ATTORNEY aT LAW, Petroleum Cen tre, Pa. Will practice In the several Oourta of Forest County. 8"-ly Holmes House, HIONERTA, PA., opposite the Depot. 1 C. It. Mabio, Proprietor. Oood .Sta bling connected with the honso. tf. Jos. Y. Saul, PRACTICAL Harnena Maker and Sad dler. Three doors north of Holmes House, Tlonosta, Pa. All work is war ranted. M t' Syracuse House, T1DIOUTK, Ta., J. A D Maofe, rroplo tors. Tlio house has been thoroughly retltted and Is now ia tho lirst-dass order, with the best of accommodations. Any nformation concerning Oil Territory at this point will be cheerfully furnished, -ly J. sD. MA(Jt:E, Kxchango Hotel, T OWKR TIDIOUTE, Pa., D. 8. Ravs xa DF.F.L. A Son Prop's. This house having been retlted is now the most desirable stop ping place in Tidiouto. A good Milliard Room attached. 4 ly ; . .' National Hotel, TRYINETON, PA. W. A. Ilallenbnck, . Proprietor. This hotel is Nkw, and is ;w Open as a first class house, situato at . no junction of the Oil Creek A Allegheny -diver and Philadelphia A Krie Itailroails, .' pposito tho IeK)t. Parties having to lay vorirafns will tlnd this the most oonven cnt hotel In town, with first-class aeeom itodutions and reasonable charues. tf. Tiff) Sons & Co.'s NEW ENGINES. The undersigned hare lor sale and will receive orders for the above Engine. Messrs. Tllft Sons A Co. aro now sending to this market their 12 lloiso Power Engine with 14-HorSe Power Holler peculiarly adapted to deep wells. Oi'KK'Ks at Duncan A Chalfant's, dealers In Well Fixtures, Hardware, Ac., MainSt. next door to Chase House, Fleasautville, and at Mansion House, Titusville. tf. K. llllinT SON. Agents. Jorn K.. Mullock, TTORNEY AT LAW and Rolieitor of I Pntents.No. 5r I- rench treet(opHsito Hood Honso) Erie. Pa. Will practice in tliQ several Slate Courts ami the United Mutes Court. Sjfci.il attention given to aolicitirj patents for Inventors ; infringe ments, re-Issue and extension of patents carefully attended to. Ucferences: Hon. Jauins t'-ainplKll, Clarion; Hon. John H. McCalmoiit, Franklin; II. L. A A. H Ilichinond, Meadvillo; W. E. Lathy. Ti ouesta. 2 7 Dr. J. L. Acomb, PHYSICIAN AND SURG EON, who has bad fifteen years' experiencein a largo ana succession nractieo. will attenri Professional Calls. Otllce in his Drug and Orocery Store, located in Tidioute, near Tidioute ilouso. IN HIS UTORE WILL BE FOUND A full assortment of Modlcines, Liquors Tobacco, Ciirars. Stationery. Olass, Paints, Oils. Cutlery, and fine Oroccries, all of the best quality, and will be sold at reasonable rates. II. R. BURGESS, an experienced Drug. Mist from New York, has charge of the store. All prescriptions put up accurately, . tf. W. P. MerciUlott, Attorney at Xi w . UF. A I, ESTATE AG EXT. TIONESTA, PA. ' 87-tf JOHN A. DALE, PRCt'T. OHM A. PROPER, VICIPREST. A. H. STEELE, CAtHR, tioiltiest-A: savings bank, Tionesta, Forest Co., Pa. This Bank transact! a General Banking, K'ollectingaud Exchange Business. Drain on the Principal Cities of the '.United Suites and Europe bought and sold. Gold and Silver Coin and Government Securities bought and sold. 7-ao BouUs converted on tlio most favorable terms. 1 nturest allowed on time deposits. Mar. 4, tf. XOT1CE. DR. J. N. BOLARD, or Tidiouto, has roturnsd to his practice after an ab sence of four months, spoilt in the Hospi tals of New York, whore will alUmd talis in his profession. otlice in Eureka'Drug Store, 3d door Above tho bank, Tidioute, Pa. 4ttf "jq m a dkfuom Something urgently needed by everybody I all and examino, or sail. pies seni posiage mill tor no cia Willi reuiu cuany ir v. Wolcott, 1S1 Chatliriil Sq.. N. 1 . 4n-H DEAFNESS, Catarrh and Scrofula. A lady who had sullered for years from Deafues, Catarrh and Scrofula, was cured by a simple remedy. Her sympathy and gratitude prompts lier to send the receipts free ot'ch irge t v auv one similarly allliel. ed. Address Mr. M. 0, DKgyjet. Jersey K. J. -t GREAT EXCITFMENTI t the Store of D. S. KNOX, & GO., Elm St., ionesta Fa. We are In dally receipt o the argestand MOST COMPLETE stock CSROCKKIIIS and ritovisioxs, EVER BROUGHT TO THIS MARKET BOOTS & SHOES ! FOR TUB MILLIONS! which we aro determined to sell regardless of prices. :h:.a.:r,:d"w.a.:r,:e: AND House Furnishing Goods, Iron, Kails, Machine tools, Agricultural Implements, Ac., Ac,, Ac, which we offer at greatly re- ducod prices. FURNITURE ! FURNITURE ! I of all kinds, PARLOR SUITS, CHAMBER SETS, LOUNGES, WHATNOTS, SPRING BEDS, MATRESSES, LOOKING GLASS ES, Ac, Ac., Ac, In ENDLESS VARIETY. Call and see, 7-tf D. S. KNOX, A CO. GENTS WANTKI) FOR THE rV LIBRARY OF POETRY AND SONO. The handsomest and cheapest work extent. It has something In it of the Dest lor every ono, ror tne old, the mitl-dle-aged and the young and must become universally popular. Excepting the Bible this will be the book most loved and the most frequently referred to in tho family. Every page ha passed under tho critical eye of tne jreut poet, WM. CULLEN BRYANT. Bare chance for best audits. The only book of its kind ever sold by subscription. Send at once for circulars, Ac, t GEO. MACLEAN, Publisher, 3u-4t 7 ID Sansom St., Philadelphia, Pa. SEASON OP 1870-71. MASON & HAMLIN CABINET ORGANS. Important Improvemens. Patent June 21st and August 23d, 1870. REDUCTION OF PRICES. The Mason A Hamlin Organ Co., have the pleasure of announcing imiortant im provements in their Cabinet Organs, for which Patents were granted them in June and August last. These are not merely meretricious attachments, but enhance tho substantial excellence of the instruments. They are also enabled by increased facil ities a largo now manufactory, they hope hereafter to supply all orders promptly. The Cabinet Organs made by this Com pany aro of such universal reputation, not Willy throughout America, but also in Eu rope, that low will need assurance of their suiieriority. They now offer Four Octave Cabinet Or gans, In quite plain cases.but equal accord ing to their capacity to anything they make for tM each. . The same, Doub'e Reed, 5. Five Oc tave Double) Reed Organs, Five Stops.with Knee swell and Tremulant, in elegant case with several of the Mason and Hamlin improvements, $1. The same Extra with new Vox Humana, Automatic Swell etc., $l.ri0. FiveOctaves, three sew Reeds, seven stops with Euphone; a splendid in struments, A new illustrated catalogue with full information, and repuced prices, is now read v. and will be sent free. With a testi monial circular, presenting a great mass of evidence as to tne suiHTioriiy oi muse in struments, to any one sending his address to MASON A llA.MUN ORGAN CO., 154 Treiuont Stroet, Boston, os u'Jo Broadway, N. V. Ho-H nv Kkv. T. in Witt Tai.m.uik, The most Popular Preacher in America. Agents wanted everywhere, mule or fe. i.. .i unii iliiu irrcui. u-ork. is better t hail Mark Twain, and no trouble to sell. Big Profits. Send for terms and illustrated 12 page circular, Kvaus, Sloddart A Co. Pub iishtrs, No. 710 Smiaoiu St., Philadelphia. 33-41 A TALE OF THE SEA. A ThrilllngTldal, Tragedy. Translated from the Original Japanese of Hari Karl on "Ye durl of Ye Period, and Why She Doth Not Swymmo," by Santa Anna Claws. The gurl. stood on the pebbly shore, Wbonce other gurls had fled. Rich and rare were tho clothes she wore: And the chignon on her head. Chorus Kl 111, Oh ml, Tweedle um Doe. Oh t rapturous was this lovely gurl, With hor heaving palpltators. Her teeth of tho pnrost mother of pearl, And hor eyes as black as her gaiters. Chorus As before. HI The waves rolled in, but she could not swim Bocause her ma wan't there : That ma, down town at a matlneo, Knew naught of her Maiden's Prayer. Chorus: Some more. Long at tho beautiful sea gazed the maid, As It danced on tho pebbly shore ; Till at length Blie cried "This thing's about played, I must swim If I swim nevermore." Chorus ; Again. V "Mother, oh mother, I must," she cried j "Forgive, ah forgive your daughter," And disrobing, sho dove a pensive dive Into forty fathoms of water. Chorus : As on previous occasions, VI Sho paddled about in tho deep bluo sea, And enjoyed her sweet self most fully: While the fishes looked on in exuberant glee, And cried out, "0, our oyc, aiu't this bully t" Chorus : As heretofore. VII Such innocent joy is ever soon o'er ; And soon ; ah, terrb-le day I Two rufilans drew near to that sad sea shore, And with tho maid's clothos ran away. Chorus : jut in tho iirst place. VIII Willi brutality wild, thoy.stolo tho whole pile, From chignon to fairy-like gaiter j They left not so much to clothe tho poor child, As a garter or small palpitator. Chorus With fooling and considerable sentiment. Thon dark grew tho sun, and gloomy each cloud ; And the maiden, ah 1 where was sho T Ask that of the waves that had made her shroud ; For in an agony of grief at her sad pre dicament, knowing that she could not walk home as othergirls, and animated by a strong desire to revenge her wrongs upon her cruel persecutors by haunting them with her pale, sad ghost, forever and ever, amen she had drowuod herself in the soa. Chorus Kl hi, oh ml, ko ho, ah bo, tweedlo um, twodle um, twidle um dee. How Bad Boys are Reformed. The annual report of the Board of Trustees of the btate Reform School of Connecticut says : Never since the establishment of the institution has there been more reason to congratulate the friends of re lb r in on the success attending their efforts than at present." The labor of the boys has been contin uous, and there has not occurred a sin gle day's intermission in several years on aceouut of the deficiency of mater ial. This is a great benefit, as it helps morally, mentally physicially, pecuni arily, and in the discipline of the result is very satisfactory. The ag gregate of the labor of the boys on the farm and in the shops is estimated at $15,000. The boys have made 800 coats, 1,031 pair of pants, 846 shirts, 217 vests, 591 pair of suspenders, 55 aprons, 418 handkerchiefs, 108 pairs of mittens, 9 pairs of slippers, 163 bed ticks, 96 bed spreads, 247 pillow ticks, 486 sheets, 339 bed quilts, 115 towels, 29 curtains, 2 carpets, 410 pil low cases. The amount received for the boys' labor in the chair shops was $10,227.32; the expense being 818, 149.92 ; 81,798 chair seats were carved; 6,325 backs, and 192 settees. The farm contains 169 acres. It produces sixty tons ot hay, and win ters thirty head of cattle and four horses. The whole cost of the farm, and building when completed, will be about $115,000. Boys bctweeu the ages of ten and sixteen may be scut for crime by the several courts of the State, for not less than nine months and during minority. Boarders are received by indenture f.oru parent or guardian, for a period of six months, not less, but longer, and advauce pay for three mouths is required at $3 per week, The inmates aro required to labor at some domestic, farming, or mechan ical employment, six and one half hours per day, and to attend school four and one-half hours. A California Romance. From the New York Times. A tale comes to us from San Fran cisco so oddly dramatic as to be worth recording. It appears that a charm ing young lady of course the story would lack interest were she common place fell in love with a person, call ed by his own class and those with whom they consort, a "sport." In other words, he was a dealer at a faro j bank, and as such excluded from the ! society wherein his fair enslaver ' habitually moved, lint they met by j chance at a public ball; and, just as, Claude Melnotte admired from among . his nowers and cabbages the haughty : Pauline, who was destined to become I his bride, so, from among his marked j cards, chips and coppers, did the young gamester lift his eyes to this lovely girl of San Francisco, and for get the gulf between them. So in the sequel did she. Somehew they were introduced at the ball, and afterward they met this time not by chance at a photograph gallery. They were subsequently described by the sympa thetic artist as they appeared on t he occasion. She wore blue, and had "a wealth" of golden hair. The captive "sport" was "faultlessly dressed" in full black, garnished with diamonds, and had "a love of a mustache." The first clandestine meeting was followed, as is apt to be the case, by others, and to tell the tale briefly, wound up in a secret marriage. All went on smooth ly for a time, great as was the risk, and the honeymoon, masked in secret as it was, seemed to promise well. But presently a tiny cloud darkened the skies of happiness. It came, to quote the words of a San Fraucisco journal, "in the shape ot a live, healthy man of business, occupying business relations with the young lady'a papa." This healthful and feeble teHtleman soon became & suitor for the young lady's hand. The f'ather.wlio is represented to be a "mer chant prince" of conventional pre judices, favored the suit. It was avoided, quite naturally, by the daughter, and finally entreaties, ex postulation and menace brought on an explosion. All was confessed, and the horror stricken parent was dumb with rage and mortification. But this young, yet astute child of the setting sun was equal to the occasion. "What's the use," she pertinently asked, "making a fuss about it? The thing's done. The only question is, how can it be undone so that I can do as you wish ?" The father listened in silence, and the daughter went on ; "I believe my husband is already tired of me, and I know I ain of him. No one knows of this. Go and buy him off. Make him consent to a divorce. Give him what money he wants, and then 1 cun marry the rich and pros perous New Yorker." The guileless scheme appealed Bjroi.gly to the busi ness instincts of our "merchant prince," and he straightway set to work to realize it. Several interviews followed with the "sport," who proved as fickle as the blind goddess lie fol lowed, and finally $20,000 was agreed upon as the 'sum to be paid hiiu for consenting to the divorce. This was promptly carried through. The rich New Yorker, none the wiser, soon came for his bride to the golden gate, and their engagement was formally announced. And now follows the pith of this romantic story. The marriage was to take place in a week, and the intended bride was all blushes and complaisance. Father and bridegroom vied with each other in lavishing costly gifts upon her, and the unsophisticated creature had a sumptuous trousseau made ready to briug eastward to New York. But the night befure the wedding a thrill of dismay ran through the household. It was the story of young Lochinvar over again. The bride had fled, and worst of all, with the insidious "sport." The $20,000 and the trousseau, to gether with the wedding gifts, we need hardly say, bore the faithful pair com pany. A letter was soon found ad dressed to the father. It stated, simply, that the young lady changed her mind, atid that when the epistle was read she would tie far on her way to New York, escorted by her former husband, whom she had married again. Whether the whole plan was arranged beforehand by way of getting a start in life that faro had failed to supply, must be left to conjecture It is said, however, that the father had not been obduratate, and that on the accepted coudition, that the green cloth t-hould be abandoned forever, he has forgiven the twice wedded pair, and made his son-in-law his business agent in the Atlantic States. Such is life. Up in Will county, a young lady attempted to leave the purental man sion, at dead of night, by lowering herself from her chamber by men in of a pulley and rope fustotied to the win dow. Sho had just reached the ground, where her lover awaited her, when her enraged sire appeared, seized the young niau, fastened the hook to. his pants, and raised him skywards, leaving him dangling in the air until morning. The clopewcut is rostpc nud indefinitely. Preemption and Homestead Laws. The following letter, containing valuable information regarding the laws governing preemption and home steads on Government lands, was re ceived by the Farmers Club from II. Marshall Peming, of City Park, Kansas: "In the session of April 11, Mr. Lyman read a paper for the in formation of those who wish to emi grate West, in which there are some misstatements which I write this to correct. Speaking of the twenty-mile strips of land in what are known as railroad limits, he says : "These belts of land are laid out in checkers of oue square mile. The odd squares belong to tre country, the even squares to the railroad. These odd square miles cannot be bought at the Government price; they are reserved for home, steads. Any family man can have title to an eighty-acre homestead by going and settling on it. Any soldier of the late war who can show an honorable record receives twice as much as another citizeu he gets 160 acres.' Further on, he seems to use the terms preempt and homestead in terchangeably. Now, 1st, the even numbered squares are the ones which 'belong to the country,' and out of these the squares numbered 19 and 36 are reserved for public school pur poses. 2d. The Government disposes of this land the same way that it does other public lands, except that the price is doubled, aud one can only homestead half as much, so that the Government actually receives as much revenue from the railroad belts as from other portions of the public do main. The only exception to this is the case of honorably discharged soldiers, who can homestead as much in the railroad limits as out of it. These lands can be bought at Govern ment price 82,50 per acre, by actual settlers. This constitutes what is , . . . . ... known as preemplion. .ny citizen twenty-one years old, or the bead of family, can preempt 100 acres. A laud warrant can be used, as in the case of other lands, by paying extra $200; that is, a land wariaut aud $200 will preempt 160 acres. Two land warrants cannot be used on one piece of land. 3d. The homestead right is not restricted to 'family men.' Any citizen who is twenty -one, or who is the head of a family, male or female. It is not necessary that they be twenty-one if they are heads of families. One who has" preempted can homestead, but one cannot preempt who has homesteaded. 4th. A home stead settler does not have to pay for his land as tho preempter does. He pays the office aud survey fees, $15 for 80 acres, at the land office when he makes bis entry, and when he gets his title when he can 'prove hve years actual residence on the land, without further expense. Many persons want ing 160 acres in the railroad limits build on the line separating the two eighties, and then preempt one eighty, and homestead the other, preempting first both could be done the same day. A person wishing to locate should decide which section of the country he desires to examine, and go to the laud-office and get township plots, with the land which is open to settlement marked on them, lhey cost $1 each, and a man by spending a few dollars this way can save many times as much by the readiness with which he can fiud a suitable tract not already taken." The correspondent of the Chicago Journal says: It has become quite fitshonable here for good-looking and intelligent young Americans to seek employment as coachmen to wealthy families, and especially those in which there are marriageable daughters. "Wants" for situations of this kind are numerous. I know one young man, a graduate of one of the public schools, who, after having tried to "catch" a hanr'somd young lady, and the daughter of a wealthy gentleman, while serving as a clerk in one of the rincipal dry goods stories, changed lis base of operations, and actually became a coachman, by "accident, course, to the family to which the lady in question belonged. It is unnecessa ry to relate how, where aud when the young man succeeded in winning the heart of the pretty girl, or to detail how indignant was papa and mamma when they discovered that fact. Be ing a scion of a friction of the aristoc racy, she had, kind soul, condescended to throw herself away upon the horrid coachman, a gentlemau of good family, but who hud beeu convicted of the heinous offence of being poor. But there was no help fur it, aud they were married, the young man received a blessing aud a check sufficiently large enough to enable him to go into busi ness aud carry his head high. The genuine Boston couchiuan wears brans ! buttons to some purpose, lie is anxious to go to Newport aud Swamp , tcott and goes, but not as an artificial ' automaton by auy moans. ) Two little school girls wore lately prattling together, and oue of them suid,"Ve keep four servants, have gut six horses and lots of carriages ; now what have you got?" With quite as much pride the other answered, I "We've dot a skunk under our barn." Adventure. Donn Piatt tells the following good story in one of his letters: lhe latest story that is going the rounds here is told of one of the Second Joints, as the secretaries were called, to distinguish them from the High Joints. 1 hia was an elegant youth, rather slender and tall, whose talk be gan and ended in one short sentence which said, "Aw, I beg y'r pawdon," which drawled out, has a very pleas ing result, and is being generally inn tated by our free born youths of America about Washington. It seems that this sprig of .hnghsh nobility was invited to pass some days at the country house of a wealthy American, and late at night, before retiring, concluded to take "a bath, you know, and so, directed by a ser vant, he found his way to the bath room, and, turning ou the warm water, wat soon enjoying a lull length and delicious souse of an entire relaxation of his aristocratic intellect. Unfortunately, the daughter of the house also concluded to take a dip in the tub, and, not knowing what their illustrious guest had dona to himself, undressed in her room, ran hurriedly along the hall for fear of meeting some one, and darting hurriedly into the bath room, closed the door. What was her consternation to see a head raise languidly from the tub, and a voice exclaim : "Aw, I beg pawdon." She screamed a scream I indulge in no exaggeration when I say that that gul screamed a scream of th first magnitude, and then screamed another scream as, in her confusion, she turned tho key in the wrong di rection, and so did not open the door. Between each scream the languid voice exclaimed : "Aw, I beg pawdon." After sixteen screams, any one of which would have rivaled the locomo tives, she succeeded in opening the door, aud fell fainting into the arms of her papa. So Boon as paterfamilias could relieve himself ot bis nude daughter, he stuck his paternal head into the bath room and wanted to know what in h 1 was the matter, All he could get in reply was : "Aw, I beg pawdon." Jealousy is a disagreeable quality to get aloug with, but it produces a good deal ot the excitement winch keeps people alive, and not unf're quently gives rise to some rather ludi crous scenes. A lady in Virginia who was subject to this unpleasant malady lately returned home, after a short ab sence, and took the precaution to re connoiter through the key-hole befure entering her room, whan she saw ber husband tenderly adjusting a shawl upon the shoulders of a woman. Here was "confirmation strong as proofs of holy writ that all had not been right in her absence. She procured a shot gun from an adjoining room, suddenly opening the door, and lodged the dead ly charge in the back of a dummy which her husbaud, who dealt in dry goods, had brought home in order to put it in repair during the lonely hours of his wife's absence. After this incident it was still more In need of repair, but the woman's mind was in a more healthy condition than befoie. Robert T. Lincoln is thus referred to in a book, just published, on the Chicago bar : "He is but little more than twenty-five years of age, anj has already taken a position as being an excellent manager, possessed of good ability, quiet, shrewd, unostentatious, and with a thorough devotion to the profession of the law. He is the more entitled to credit from the fuct that be has steadily resisted all attemps to in duce him to accept some official posi tion while his father was President, or to participate in politics since; and that he has applied himself to his legal studies ptecifely as if he were the sou of the least influential of parents, and has pursued them under many painful and discouraging circumstances. He has proved that he has a thousand sterling qualities ; and there can be no doubt that with uge he will attain a distinguished eminence as a member of the legal profession." In Leavenworth, Indiana, a youth named Tucker undertook to play burglar and scare a young man who was a bank clerk and suspected of timidity. In this he succeeded ; but as he was chuckling over his exploit he was surprised by the appearance of his victim leinforce' by a strong party of friends, who all supposed Mr. Tucker to be a burglar of the most atrocious character. It was not until he had been chased nearly a mile, and forty shots fired at him from revolvers, and been overtaken and fearfully beaten, that Mr. Tucker found an op portunity to explain the joke. A Kansas City husband gave his wife 8400 to buy Christmas present for herself. She selected a young clerk and two ruilioad tickets. A sign on an eating house on the New Jersey Railroad says: "Coflce aud eggs fresh laid by Mary Jones." Why is an old maid like a dried-up lemon ? Because sho ought to have been 8qticf;ed, but wasn't. Rochester boasts a gold-fish with two tails, a sort of Maltese cross aflair.ono being attached at right angles to the other. Out West the young ladies keep a light burning in the parlor to a late hour on Sunday night, to "make be lieve" they've caught a beau. A physician writes asking a renewal of a note which he owes, giving as a reason therefor : "We are in a horri ble crisis ; there is not a sick man in the district." A young bachelor in Jersey City was urged to marrv, but he replied : "I don t see it. My father was a single man, and he always got along well enough. An Irish schoolmaster recently in formed his pupils that the feminine gender should be applied to all ships and vessels afloat, except mail steamers and men-of-war. Somebody has written a book enti tled "What shall my son be?" Upon which some one frankly replied : "If the boy is as bad as the book, the chances are that he will be hanged." "This world is all a fleeting show," said a priest to a culprit on the gallows. "Yes," was the prompt re- fily, "but if you have no objection, I'd ike to see the show a little longer." Some young vandals in Cincinnati receutly stole the inside of a poor organ grinder's machine, and he being deaf, ground away next morning in blissful ignorrnceot what had happen ed. A Kansas lady went to the theatre and handed the man in the box office a fine tooth comb, having mistaken it for her ticket, when she left home. The doorkeeper said she could not comb in. An old bachelor liaving been laugh ed at by a bevy of pretty girls, told them that they were small potatoes. 'We may be small potatoes," replied . one of the maidens, "but we are sweet onec" A Louisville girl, whose lover dis graced himself by some unlawful deed, told the unfortunate youth that she could never marry him, but that she had $2,500 in her own right which he could take and go away and try to redeem his character, lie took the money and left. That girl loved ar dently and unselfishly. A patient complained to his physi cian that he was pursued by a ghost the night before, as he was going home from the tavern. "What shape was it?" asked the doctor. "In the shape of a jackass," said the man. "Go home, replied the physician, "and keep sober. You were drunk last night, and frightened by your own shadow I" A short time since word was sent to Mr. A. T. Stewart, at New York, that his woolen mills at Utiea had five hundred tons of coal to spare which might be sold to advantage, as the price was high and the article scarce. Word came immediately back, "Sell none, but as the price id high, and the article scarce, give away the whole to the working people of the mills, share and share alike." This order was carried into immediate execution. Not many years ago a mother took her child to a registrar in Manchester that its birth might be recorded. When asked what name she intended to give her baby, she answord Alpha Omega. The register properly in quired whether she had duly consider ed the matter and whether it was her deliberate intention to inflict upon the infant such extraordinary titles. 'Certainly she replied, "the child is my first aud I hope it may be my last. A Western paper tells this story: In Wisconsin, ut a locality called Plum City, lives a Swode, who, having this Spring but oue ox, persuaded his wife to carry one end of the yoke in ploughing, while he held the plough and their boy drove. The woman labored at this extraordinary employ ment for two days, but was then com pelled to quit it, aud take to her bed, on account of having ruptured an in ternal organ in her efforts to keep her end of tho yoko even. In two days after, she died, the physician called by the neighbors finding it impossible, when he reached her, to do auy thing for her relief. The Buckeye State says: Under the new law which gives to sufferers by the sale of intoxicating liquors the right to recover damages sustained by the sale of liquor to husbands, the wo men are doing more to prohibit the flow of whiskey than all the laws to gether that have ever been 'placed up on the statute books of Ohio. All over the State, the poor unfortunate wives aud children of drunken hus bands and fathers are availing them selves of the benefits of this law to de fend themselves from threatened starv ation. The law is a good one, and no one need feur its penalties unless he wishes to violute the law, and sell to his neighbor thut which which beggars his family and steals from him his senses and makes him lower than the brute. '
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers