LH THE O SJcootcb to politics, fitcrotnrc, Agriculture, Science, iilovnlitn, rrnb cncml Jntclligcucc. VOL. 34. STROUDSBURG, MONROE COUNTY, PA., MARCH 8, 1877. NO. 39. i Published by Theodore Schoch. fKRv Two dollar a year In advance and If not paM'btf-trc the end of the year, two dollars and fifty ctaM ill he rhareed. Xo paper discontinued until all arrearages are paid, except t the option of the Kditnr. gj Advertisement of on square of feielit lines) or one or three insertions 1 5K Kach additional in sertion, "( cents. Longer ones in proportion. JO FRIXTIXG OF ALL KINItt, Eiecutcd ia the highest style of the Art, and on the most re:.sonalde terms. 1) tt. NATHANIEL C. MILLER, Physician and Surgeon. Office and residence: Corner Main and Pocono Street, Stkocdsbcrg, Pa., Office hours from 7 to S a. m., 1 to 2 and 7 to S p. oi. Oct. 25, lS7G-tf. J. II. Sill I.!., 31. I. S-rond djor helow Burnett House. Resilience 2nl 4r w.-t of lli;kitc Ijuaker Church. J Unt il Mir- S to a. in., 1 to 3 p. m., ti to 9 p. in. lijy '1, lS76-tf. sician anl Surgeon, ST110UD3BURG, Pa. Olioc, formerly occupied hy Dr. Seip. Resideiii-e with .1. n. Miil.T, one d or In-low the ji-rt'.Tsonian Office. OH ho'ir. 7 to 9, 12 to 3 and C to 9. JJjy 11, isrj. tf. D it. x, L. men, Surgeon Ocnfist. OS-'" in .Ta. Kl inker's new Imildi n?. nearly opposite t li S:.- i i li'i Ti itjak. (ias adniiiitcred lor cxt acting li 'ii 'I '-ir d. :rm l-iiar. la. f.lan. G,'7G-tf. ;i. m:o. n'. jagkso. PilVSICMX, SCXGEflX AXD AlTlirrilEl'R. ft 5.-e in Samutd Hood's new building, nearly op-p-,i:. tii; pt o.Jioij. Itosi icitcu uii Sarah Mreet, vj Franklin. Auri't ,'7-J-tf D iv i s. i.!:::, .tttornej at Law, One tloor above the "Strondsbtirg House SlDudsburj, Pa. Collections promptlv made. October 22, 1S74. T7"lLSO.V PCISISO.V, T Notary Public, Rial Estate and Insnrance Agent and CONVEYANCER. Tl'Je siirrJied and Gynreynncing in all its bra.icue ciruuy and promptly attended to. AcinwclcJgincnU taken for other Stairs. OH:?, ICistler'i Brick Building, near theR.R. Depot, K VST STROUD.3DUKG, PA. P. O. 15 ox 2 ). Septe iiber IS, 1S7C.. tf. WILLIAM S. REES, Surveyor, Conveyancer and Esal Estate Agent. Firms. Timber Lands and Town Lots FOR SALE. Ofi'e mnrlv opposite American Iloues an I 2 1 il ir below the Corner Store. Mir?li ', l73-tf. D R. J.LANTZ, SURSSON & MECHANICAL DENTIST. Still lias his o'fice on Main street, in the second stwry f lr. S. Walton's brick l.iiiHili'' li'-ailv opposite, the Svrauislfirj House, and he Haters himself that hy eitfh Wn years constant practice and the most earnest and rrfn attention to all matters pertsiuinjr ti his pro- is-non. that li is fully able to p'-rlonti ail er:Uloiis in in deiiui hue in I lie most caret ul ana slciiltul man ecr. tuccial sttentioii iriven to savin? the Natural Teeth; aK-, to iiisertiitn of Artificial Teeth on Kuhlwr, Col I, ";lver, or Continuous Giiins, and perfect tits in all e" iiiiu red. Mot err,i)s know the j;reat folly anl danirer of en-t'usiin-; thir worlt.to the iiiexH?rieneed.or to those li v iQi at a distance. ' April 13, 1S74. tf. Opposition toHumbuggery! The uuder.siened lierebv announces that he has rc- um-l busiuL-os at the old stand, next door to 'Ulster's Cloihiug Store, Main street, 8t roudsliiirK, I'a., aud is iuu) prepared to accommodate all in want of BOOTS and SHOES, joade in the latest style and of good material. Repair ing proiiiptl v at ten tod to. Ciie me a rail. I'ec. 9, i87.--ly. C. I.KWIS WATERS. PAPER IIAKSER, GLAZIER AND PAINTER, AIONltOE STREET, Nearly opposite Kautz's Blacksmith Shop, Stroud8buro, Pa. The undersigned would reppectfulljr in form thecitizens of Strondsbtirg nd vicinity th't lie is now fully prep-ired to doall kinds rpappr HaninT, Glazing and Painting. Promptly and at fhort notice, and that he will keep constantly on hand a fine fock o aper flanging of all decripiions and at low prices. The Datronae of the publie earnestly solicled. May 16, 1872. "JOB PRINTING, of all kinds neatly ex V ecuted at this office BLANK MORTGAGE For salp at this Office. AN EXPENSIVE TRAIN. A RUSSIAN STORY. At the thime when the first open court of law was established in Russia, a lady, dressed with the utmost elegance, was walk ing on the Moscow promenade, leaning upon her husband's arm, and letting the long train of her rich dress sweep the dust and dirt of the street. A young officer, coming hastily from a side street, was so careless as to catch one of his sj.uis in the lady's train, and in an instant a great piece was torn out of the costly but frail material of the dress. "1 beg a thousand pardons, madam," said the officer, with a polite bow, and then was about pai-sing on, when he was detained by the lady's husband. "You have insulted my wife." "Nothing was further from my intention, sir. Your wife's long dress is to blame for the accident, which I sincerely regret, and I beg you once mure to receive my apologies fur any carelessness on my part." There upon he attempted to hasten on. "You shall not escape so," said the lady with her head thrown back in a spirited way. "To-day is the first time I have worn this dress, and it cost me two hun dred rubles, which you must make good." ''My dear madam, I beg you not to u-taiti me. I am obliged to go on duty at oi ce. As to the two hundred rubles I really cannot help the length of your dress, yet I beg your pardon fur not having been im re ciutiuus." "Yim shall not stir, sir. That you are obliged to go on duty is nothing to us. My wile is rh;ht : the dress must be made rood. The officer's fare grew pale. "You force me to break through the rules of the service, and I bhall receive imcnt." "Pay the two hundred rubles and you are free." The quickly changing color in the young man's face betrayed how inwardly disturbed be was; but stepping close to them both, he said with apparent self-command : "You will renounce your claim when I tell y-jti that I am a a poor man, who has tuthiug to live on but his officer's pay, and t te amount of that pay hardly reaches the .-urn of two hundred rubles in a whole year. I can, therefore, make no amends for the n)ifortune, except by again beg- j ging your pardon." "Ou ! anybody couid say all that ; but we'll see if it's true ; we'll find out if you have nothing but your pay. I declare my self uot satisfied with your excuses, and I den and my money," persisted the lady, in the hard voice of a thoroughly unfeeling woian. "That is true you are right," the hus band adde', dutifully supporting her. "Iy good luck we have the open court now in fusion. Go with us before the judge aud he will decide the matter." All farther protestations on the officer's part that he was poor, that he was expected on duty, ami so forth, did not help matters. Out of respect for his uniform, and to avoid an open scene, he had to go with them to the court room, where the gallery was densely packed with a crowd of people. Af cr waiting some time the lady had leave to bring her complaint. "A h it have you to answer to this com plaint ?" said the judge, turning to the officer, who Eeemed embarrassed and half in dej air. "On the whole, very little. As the lateness of the hour, and being required on duty, c mpelled me to hurry, 1 did not notice this lady's train which was dragging on the ground. I caught one of my spurs in it, snd had the misfortune to tear the dress. Madam would not receive my excuses, but perhaps now she might find herself more disposed to forgiveness, when I again declare, so help me God, that I committed this awkward blunder without any mischievous intention, and I earnestly beg that she will pardon me." A murmur ran through the gallery, evidently from the people taking sides with the defendant, and against long trains in general and the lady in particular. The judge called to order, and asked: "Are you satisfied with the defendant's explanatiou ?" ''Not at all satisfied. I demand two hun dred rubles in payment for my torn dress." "I would have paid it long before this had I been in a position to do so. Unfor tunately, I am poor. My pay as and officer is all I have to live on." "You hear, complainant, that the defen dant is uot able to pay the sum you demand of him. Do you still wish the complaint to stand ?" An unbroken stillness reigned through out the hall, and the young officers breath could be heard coming hard. "I wish it to stand. The law shall give me my rights." There ran through the rows of people a murmur of indignation that sounded like the rushing of water. "Consider, complainant, the consequences of your demand. The defendant can be punished only through being deprived of liis personal liberty, and by that you could obtain no satisfaction, while to the defendant it might prove the greatest injury in his rank and position as an officer who is poor aud dependent upon his pay. Do ou still insist upon your complaint t "I still insist upon it. The course the affair was taking seemed to have become painful to the lady's hus band. He spoke with his wife urgently, but, as could be seen by the way she held up her head and the energy with which she shook it, quite uselessly. The judge was just going on to further consideration of the case, when a loud voice was heard from the audience : "I will place the two hundred rubles at the service of the defendant." There followed a silence, during which a gentleman forced his way through the crowd and placed himself by the youug officer's side. "Sir, I am the Prince W., and beg you will oblige me by accepting the loau of the two hu.idred rubles in question." "Prince, I am not worthy of your kind ness, for I don't know if I shall ever be able to pay the loan," answered the young man, in a voice tremulous with emotion. "Take the money, at all events. I can wait until you are able to return it." Thereupon the prince held out two notes of a hundred rubles each and coming close up to him, whispered a few words very softly. There was a sudden lighting up of the officer's face. He immediately took the two notes, and, turning toward the lady handed ther to her with a polite bow. "I hope, madam, you are satisfied." With a malicious smile she reached out her hand for the money. "Yes, now I am satisfied." With a scornful glance over the crowd of spectators, she drepared to leave the couit-room on her husband's arm. "Stop, madam," said the officer, who had suddenly become like another man, with a firm and confident manner. "What do you want ?'' The look that the j'oung woman cast upon him was insulting as possible. "I want my dress," he answered, with a slight but still pefectly polite bow. "Give me your address and I will send it to yuu." "Oli, no, my dear madam, I am in the habit of taking my purchases with me at once. Favor me with the dress iin mcdiatch'." A shout of approbation came from the gallery. "Order !" cried the judge. "What an insane demand !" said the lady's husband. "My wife cannot undress herself here." "1 have nothing to do with you sir, in this matter, but only with the complainant Be so good madam, a,s to give me the dress immi dia'e'y. I am in a great hurry ; my ailairs are urgent, aud 1 cannot wait a momeut longer." The pleasure of the audience at the expeuse of the lady increased with every word, until it was hard to enforce any ap proach to quiet, so that either party could be heard. "Do not jest any more about it. I will hurry, and send you the dress as soon as possible." "I am not jesting, I demand from the repreniive of the law my own property that dress," said the offiecr, raising his voice. The judge, thus appealed to, decided promptly. "The officer is right, madam. You are obliged to haud him over the dress ou the spot." "I can't undress myself here before all these people, and go home without any dress on," said the young woman, with anger and tears. "You should have thought of that sooner. Now you have no time to lose. Kithcr give up the dress of your, own accord, or " A nod that could not be misinterpreted brought to the lady's side two officers of justice, Mho seemed about to take upon themselves the office of the lady's maid. "Take j'our money back, and leave me my dress." "Oh, t;o, madam ; that dress is now worth more than two hundred rubles to me." "How much do you ask for it?" "Two thousand rubles," said the officer, firmly. "I will pay the sum," the weeping lady's husband responded, promptly. have here five hundred rubles. Give me pen and paper and I will write an order upon my banker for the remaining fifteen hun dred." After he had written the draft the worthy pair withdrew', amidst hisses from the audieuce. An old darkey of C2, tired of longer lead ing a life of single blessedness, hobbled up to the marriage license clerk's desk the other da', and said : "Is dis whar yer gifts der lisums fer ter marry ?" "This is the place." "How much is dey apiece ? "Seventy-five cents." "Lord, honey, I isn't got dat much money." "Then I can't let you have a li cense." "Say, boss, times is hard, an' dis case is pressin.' Couldn't yer trust me for a couple of weeks till de white wash season commence ?" "No, sir ; we don't do a credit at this desk. "Jist for a day or two ?" "Nary day," was the heartless re joinder, and the poor old darkey hobbled away. Yesterday he again knocked at the outposts of Hymen's temple with the ne cessary 75 cents tied up in the corner of a red bandana hand-kerchief. "Dese is monsos hard times, boss, an' ef my credit wasn't pooty good I'd never been able to hev burred all dis heah money ter wonst." The license was made out in due form and handed to him, aud then the clerk said : "If that's all the money you have got how are you going to support your wife ?" "Well, de fact am dat de lady am got a room alU furnished nice, an we'll just mosey 'long till diss 'election trubble is ober, am den der'll be a powahful site of whitewashing to he done dis spring. Yes, indeed, honey, times is gwan to be red hot arter awhile." Cincinnati Enquirer. VAS BENDER HENSPECKED. Any shcntlemen vot vill go round pe hind your face, and talk in front of your back apont sometings, vas a shvindler. I beared dot Brown says veek peforc next apout uic I vas a henshpecked huspand. Dot vas a lie 1 Do proof of de eating, vas in the pudding : I am married tventy year already, und I vas yet not paid headed. I don't vas oonder some pettygoats gofern ments ; shtill I tinks it vas better if a fel low vill insult mit his vifo und got her ad vices apout sometings or udcr. Dera American votnans don't know some tings nefer apout his huspant's pecsness, und vhen den hart times comes, und not so much money comes iu de house, dot makes not some tifForenco mit her. Shtill she moost have von of dot pull-back-in de-front hoop-skirt petty goats, mit every kind trim mings. Pooty soon dot huspant gets panke rupted all to pieces. Dey send fur de Doc tor ; und vhen de Doctor comes de man dies. Den dot vomans vas opliged to marry mit anoder mans vot she don't maypo like mit four or six shildrens, on account of his first vife already, and possobably vone or two niudders-in-law, vone second-handed, und de oder a shtep mudder-out law. Den she says mit herself, "I eteu vish dot I vas dead a little." Now if a Chermans goes dead, dot don't make a pit of tifference. Nopody vould bardly know it, except maybe himself. His vife goes mit de peeness on shust like not itigs has happened to somepody. American vomans and Cherman vomans vas a tilferent kind of peobles. For in shtinct, last year dot same feller, Mr. Drown, goes mit me in de putcher peesness togeder. He vas American man. so vas his vife. Yell, many time vhen efery peo bles got the panic pooty bad, dot Vomans comes to her huspant uned sa-s she moost have mony. Den she goes out riding mit a carriages. Yonee on a time, Drown says to mc, "Bender, I vouldu't be henshpecked." So he vent off und gut himself tight shust pecause his vile tells him, blease don't do dot. Den he sits down on his pack mit de floor, und if I am not dcre dot he never vould got home. Yell, dot night, me und my vife, ve had a little talk about sometings ; und de next day I says to Drown, "Look here vonst ! My vife she makes sausages, und vorks in dot shtore ; also my taughter she vorks py the shtore und makes head skeeses ; und our vife vas going riding all de times mit de horses-car, und a patent-tied pack cardi nal shtriped shtockings. Now your vife mo.;st go vork in de shtore und cut pcef shteaks, and make saurkraut, or else ve divide not equally any more dot profits. Yell, DroM-n, goes home und he tells his vife apout dot. Den she comes pooty quick mit Brown around, und ve had a misun dershtanding apout somethings, in vhieh eferypody took a part, incliuding my little dog Kasicr. Pooty soon up comes a polices mans und arrests us for breedches of promise to keep de pieces, und assaulting de battery, or sumetings. Den de firm of Bender & Brown vas proke up. I go apout my pees ness, und BroM'n goes mit his peesness. My vife she helps in the shtore. His vife goes riding mit de horses-cars, und efery nights she vas by de theater. Yot's de gonsequences ; Along comes dot Centennial panic. Dot knocks Brown more higher as two kites, py Chiminy, My income vas shtill more as my outcome. Dut Brown, he goes 'round dut shtreets mit his hands out of his pockets, und he don't got a cent to his back. Fritz's Troubles. Fritz had mooe trouble with his neigh bor. This time he determined to appeal to the majesty of the law aud accordingly consulted a legal gentleman. 'How vas does tings ?' he said. 'Yell, a veller's got a garden, und der odder vel lar got some schikens eat 'em up. Dou't vou irot some law for dot.' 'Some oiu-'s chickens have been destroy ing your garden ?' asked the lawyer. 'Straw in my garden ! Neiu, it vas vege tables.' 'And the chicks committed depredations on them.' 'Ish dot so ?' asked Fritz, in astonish ment. 'And you Mrant to sue him for damages,' continued the lawyer. Yass. Yant tamages, and der gabbages, und der lettuccss.' 'Did you uotify him to keep his chick ens up ?' "Yass, I did notify him.' 'And what did he say ?' 'He notify me to go und vipe mine shin off down mine vest.' 'And he refused to comply with Our just demand ?' Hey ?' He allowed his chickens to run at large V Yaas. Some vas large und some vas leedle vultures, but dey dos scratch mine garden more as der sefen dimes iuch.' Well, you want to sue him ?' 'Yaas, I vant sue him to make you plank fence up sixdecn feed his house i ll arouudt, vot der schickens doti'd got ofer.' The lawyer informed him that he could not compel I im to build such a fence, and Fritz left in a range, exclaiming : 'Next summer time I raise me schickens, too, you bate I I raise fiden schickens. Yipe off your vest down ! A Yankee in a trance, who was supposed to be dead, was laid on ice, hut he awoke aud startled his watchers by yelling, "Why don't you keep up a better fire ?" Model Advertisements. "Two young women want washing." "Teeth extracted M'ith great pains." "Babies taken and finished in ten min utes by a country photographer." And what does this mean ? "Business chance To be diposcd of trcnuinc fried fish business at the West End." Docs the genuineness apply to the fish, the business, or to the way in which they are fried ? And one's mind gets hopelessly dazed over the advertisement offering a large re ward for "A large Spanish blue gentle man's cloak lost in the neighborhood of the market." There are others deliciously inconse quent, like the advertisement of a run away which furnished this valuable hint fur identification : "Age is not precisely known, but looks older than he is." Or the notice a shoemaker put on his door : "Shall be back in ten days from the time you see this shingle." Some, however, leave no loophole, for doubt : "Babies, after having taken one bottle of my soothing syrup, will never cry any more. And au editor, puffing air-tight coffins, said : "No person having one tried one of these air-tight coffins will never use any others." Eight More as Dwelve. A farmer let his lands to an oil company last spring, on condition jof receiving oue cighth of the oil produced. The well proved to be a pretty good one, and-the farmer began to think that the oil men should give him a better chance, and ven tured to tell them so. They asked him M-hnt he wanted. He said they ought to give him one-twelfth. The agreement was finally made, M'ith the understanding that the farmer was not to tell an' one. All went smooth until the next division day came, when our-friend was early at hand to see how much better he would be ofF un der the new bargain. Eleven barrels were rolled to one side of the oil men, and one for him. This did not suit him. "How's dish ?" says lie. "I think I was to get more as before. By jinks you make mis take !" The matters were explained to him, that he formerly got one barrel of every eight, but it was his own proposition to only take one of every twelve. .This revelation took him aback. He scratched his head, louked cross, and relieved his swelling breast of feelings of self-reproach by indignantly remarking; "Well, dat ish de first time as ever I know'd eight was more as dwelve." The Land of Texas. ' A Texan, visiting this point, gathered around him some of our old citizens Mon day, and entertained them with some of his experiences in the Lone State. One inci dent told by him in as follows : "You'd hardly believe, now, what I am going to tell. In Texas we use raw-hide straps, or thongs, for traces, and in wet weather they do stretch amazingly. Why, often in cool damp weather at home I've hit li2d up two horses and drove down hill from my house to the creek bottom for a sled load of wood. I have loaded the wood and many times driven back home and un hitched the horses and the sled would not be in sight." "How did you get the wood home then?" asked an inquisitive bystander. "Oh, I just tied the ends of the traces together and threw them over a post, went knocking about my M'ork and waited until the sun shone out. Sometimes it would be more than two hours before that sled load M'ould get home, but you'd see her crawling up the hill at last gradually ap proaching as the raw-hide traces shrunk up to their proper lengths. Yes, Texas is a great country, you bet." A Grave Mistake. As a resident of Woodward avenue stood at his gate yesterday morning, a boy about thirteen years old came along with a snow shovel ou his arm. "Ha ! boy come here want a job ?" called the gentleman. "Sir t" answered the boy with great dignity. "Pitch the snow off my walk and I'll give you a quarter," continued the Avenuer. "You don't know me," said the lad as he marched on. "I am on my way to clear the walks in front of father's fourteen luts up here. All our eighteen horses are lame, and our gold-mounted snow-plow is out ol order, or you wouldn't see me carrying this shovel around. I'm offering five dollars to any one who will carry it up as far as Parsons street. Free Press. 'Dare's gwine to be wall,' remarked a colored citizen, 'an' all ye niggahs mout jes's will git ready for active business.' 'Which side shall we take ?' asked one of his harrers. 'You niggahs can take jes what side yer please ; I'se gwine to take de Canada side.' A German looked up at the sky, and re marked : "I guess a leedle it will rain somedime pooty queek." "Yees do, eh ?" replied an Irishman. "What business have yees too purtend to know about Amerikeu weather, ye furriner ?" A New Jersey woman is so cleanly that she uses two rolling pins, one for the pie crust and the other for her husband's head. Fashion Notes. The silk importations will be smaller than they have been fur years. Blue, brown, dark steel and smoke shade are the prevailing colors in gros grains. Chip bonnets of ecru shades will con tinue in vogue. Plush stripes an inch wide with armure stripes between are novelties in gauzes for evening dresses. Persian and India gauzes arc M'orn as scarfs and draperies over princcsse dresses. Bonnet fronts will ail be close to the face, but there will be some Variation iu crowns. A new fancy silk is a plain ground nearly concealed by tiny points or dots of many brilliaut colors. Colored grenadines will-be much worn this summer. Lacing will take the place of buttons on evening dresses. Monogram buttons are used for kid gloves. Many flowers will be used for millinery decorations. The high gloss of taffets silks makes them unpopular, but they are the most service able and cool. The fashionable color for spring will be gray. Gloves for evening wear are of light color and laced on the outside of the arm. Etruscan styles take the advance in gold orpaments. A stylish ball dress must have a peacock train. Lockets have completely driven brooches out of fashion. Leaf patterns are the most stylish iu brocaded silks. Properly made bouquets have a covering of kid over the stems to keep the moisture from soiling the irloves. A striking combination for evening dresses is made with cardinal and blue. Fawn colortd cashmeres piped with pale blue make the prettiest indoor dress for young girls. Yery bright colors softened by graver ones is a novelty iu Persian silks. In bonnets, silk crowns will match the costume and the fronts will be of satin finished straw or faucy braids. Evening silks are brocaded and accom panied by one gros grains of similar color. Flowered lawns with border trimming are coming into fashion again. Empress Eugenie flourishes a cane ou her promenade. Five cents' worth of gum arabic dis solved in a very little hot water and left to stand over night in enough alcohol to make it thin, will make hair remain crimped. It can be bottled. ' Little Things. A kross word iz a little thing, but it iz what stirs up the elephant. A kind word iz a little thing, but it iz 1 just what soothed the sorrows ov the set thing hen. An orange peel on the sikewalk iz a lit tle thing, but it haz upset menny a giant. An oath iz a little thing, but it iz rc korked in the great ledger in Heaven. A serpent's fang iz a little thing, but death iz its viktory. ' A baby iz a little wee thing, but a con stable waz once a baby. A hornet's sting is a little thing, but it sends the school-boy home howling. A star iz a little thing, but it kau hold this grate world iu its arms. The tung iz a little thing, but it fills the uuiverse with trubble. An egg iz a little thing, but the huge krokerdile kreeps into life out uv it. A kiss iz a very little thing, but it be trayed the Son ov God into the hands ov hiz enemy. A spark iz a little thing' but it can light the poor man's pipe, or set the world to burning. The akorn iz a little thing, but the blak bear and hiz family live iu the oak that springs from it. A word is a little thing, yet one word haz been menny a man's destiny, for good or for evil. A penny iz a very little thing, but the interest ou it from the days ov Cain aud Abel, would buy out the globe. A minute iz a little thing, but it iz long enough to pull a dozen aking teeth ; or to git married aud hav yure owu mother-in-law. A lap dog iz a little thing, but he iz a very silly thing besides. Life iz made up ov littlo things. Life itself iz but a littlo thing ; one breath less, then conies the phuneral. Josh Billings. "The sentence of the Court is," said Judge Porter, a popular Irish magistrate, to a notorious drunkard, "that you be confined in jail for the longest period the law will allow ; and I hope you will spend the time in cursing whisky." "Be jabers, I will, and Porter, too," was the answer. A Western lawyer who was defending a man on trial for wife murder, sought for some euphonious and innocent phrase with which to describe his client's crime, and finally said : "Ho winnownd her into Paradise with a fence rail." ' "
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers