Newspaper Page Text
SJcootcb to politics, fitcrotnrc, Agriculture, Science, iilovnlitn, rrnb cncml Jntclligcucc.
STROUDSBURG, MONROE COUNTY, PA., MARCH 8, 1877.
Published by Theodore Schoch.
fKRv Two dollar a year In advance and If not
paM'btf-trc the end of the year, two dollars and fifty
ctaM ill he rhareed.
Xo paper discontinued until all arrearages are
paid, except t the option of the Kditnr.
gj Advertisement of on square of feielit lines) or
one or three insertions 1 5K Kach additional in
sertion, "( cents. Longer ones in proportion.
OF ALL KINItt,
Eiecutcd ia the highest style of the Art, and on the
most re:.sonalde terms.
tt. NATHANIEL C. MILLER,
Physician and Surgeon.
Office and residence: Corner Main and Pocono Street,
Office hours from 7 to S a. m., 1 to 2 and 7
to S p. oi.
Oct. 25, lS7G-tf.
II. Sill I.!., 31. I.
S-rond djor helow Burnett House. Resilience
2nl 4r w.-t of lli;kitc Ijuaker Church. J Unt
il Mir- S to a. in., 1 to 3 p. m., ti to 9 p. in.
lijy '1, lS76-tf.
sician anl Surgeon,
Olioc, formerly occupied hy Dr. Seip. Resideiii-e with
.1. n. Miil.T, one d or In-low the ji-rt'.Tsonian Office.
OH ho'ir. 7 to 9, 12 to 3 and C to 9.
JJjy 11, isrj. tf.
it. x, L. men,
OS-'" in .Ta. Kl inker's new Imildi n?. nearly opposite
t li S:.- i i li'i Ti itjak. (ias adniiiitcred lor cxt acting
li 'ii 'I '-ir d.
:rm l-iiar. la. f.lan. G,'7G-tf.
;i. m:o. n'. jagkso.
PilVSICMX, SCXGEflX AXD AlTlirrilEl'R.
ft 5.-e in Samutd Hood's new building, nearly op-p-,i:.
tii; pt o.Jioij. Itosi icitcu uii Sarah Mreet,
iv i s. i.!:::,
.tttornej at Law,
One tloor above the "Strondsbtirg House
Collections promptlv made.
October 22, 1S74.
T Notary Public,
Rial Estate and Insnrance Agent and
Tl'Je siirrJied and Gynreynncing in all its
bra.icue ciruuy and promptly attended to.
AcinwclcJgincnU taken for other Stairs.
OH:?, ICistler'i Brick Building, near theR.R.
K VST STROUD.3DUKG, PA.
P. O. 15 ox 2 ).
Septe iiber IS, 1S7C.. tf.
WILLIAM S. REES,
Surveyor, Conveyancer and
Esal Estate Agent.
Firms. Timber Lands and Town Lots
Ofi'e mnrlv opposite American Iloues
an I 2 1 il ir below the Corner Store.
Mir?li ', l73-tf.
D R. J.LANTZ,
SURSSON & MECHANICAL DENTIST.
Still lias his o'fice on Main street, in the second stwry
f lr. S. Walton's brick l.iiiHili'' li'-ailv opposite, the
Svrauislfirj House, and he Haters himself that hy eitfh
Wn years constant practice and the most earnest and
rrfn attention to all matters pertsiuinjr ti his pro-
is-non. that li is fully able to p'-rlonti ail er:Uloiis
in in deiiui hue in I lie most caret ul ana slciiltul man
tuccial sttentioii iriven to savin? the Natural Teeth;
aK-, to iiisertiitn of Artificial Teeth on Kuhlwr,
Col I, ";lver, or Continuous Giiins, and perfect tits in all
e" iiiiu red.
Mot err,i)s know the j;reat folly anl danirer of en-t'usiin-;
thir worlt.to the iiiexH?rieneed.or to those li v
iQi at a distance. ' April 13, 1S74. tf.
The uuder.siened lierebv announces that he has rc-
um-l busiuL-os at the old stand, next door to 'Ulster's
Cloihiug Store, Main street, 8t roudsliiirK, I'a., aud is
iuu) prepared to accommodate all in want of
BOOTS and SHOES,
joade in the latest style and of good material. Repair
ing proiiiptl v at ten tod to. Ciie me a rail.
I'ec. 9, i87.--ly. C. I.KWIS WATERS.
GLAZIER AND PAINTER,
Nearly opposite Kautz's Blacksmith Shop,
The undersigned would reppectfulljr in
form thecitizens of Strondsbtirg nd vicinity
th't lie is now fully prep-ired to doall kinds
rpappr HaninT, Glazing and Painting.
Promptly and at fhort notice, and that he
will keep constantly on hand a fine fock o
aper flanging of all decripiions and at
low prices. The Datronae of the publie
earnestly solicled. May 16, 1872.
"JOB PRINTING, of all kinds neatly ex
V ecuted at this office
For salp at this Office.
AN EXPENSIVE TRAIN.
A RUSSIAN STORY.
At the thime when the first open court
of law was established in Russia, a lady,
dressed with the utmost elegance, was walk
ing on the Moscow promenade, leaning
upon her husband's arm, and letting the
long train of her rich dress sweep the dust
and dirt of the street.
A young officer, coming hastily from a
side street, was so careless as to catch one
of his sj.uis in the lady's train, and in an
instant a great piece was torn out of the
costly but frail material of the dress.
"1 beg a thousand pardons, madam," said
the officer, with a polite bow, and then was
about pai-sing on, when he was detained by
the lady's husband.
"You have insulted my wife."
"Nothing was further from my intention,
sir. Your wife's long dress is to blame for
the accident, which I sincerely regret, and
I beg you once mure to receive my apologies
fur any carelessness on my part." There
upon he attempted to hasten on.
"You shall not escape so," said the lady
with her head thrown back in a spirited
way. "To-day is the first time I have
worn this dress, and it cost me two hun
dred rubles, which you must make good."
''My dear madam, I beg you not to
u-taiti me. I am obliged to go on duty at
oi ce. As to the two hundred rubles I
really cannot help the length of your dress,
yet I beg your pardon fur not having been
im re ciutiuus."
"Yim shall not stir, sir. That you are
obliged to go on duty is nothing to us. My
wile is rh;ht : the dress must be made
The officer's fare grew pale.
"You force me to break through the
rules of the service, and I bhall receive
"Pay the two hundred rubles and you
The quickly changing color in the young
man's face betrayed how inwardly disturbed
be was; but stepping close to them both,
he said with apparent self-command :
"You will renounce your claim when I
tell y-jti that I am a a poor man, who
has tuthiug to live on but his officer's pay,
and t te amount of that pay hardly reaches
the .-urn of two hundred rubles in a whole
year. I can, therefore, make no amends
for the n)ifortune, except by again beg-
j ging your pardon."
"Ou ! anybody couid say all that ; but
we'll see if it's true ; we'll find out if you
have nothing but your pay. I declare my
self uot satisfied with your excuses, and I
den and my money," persisted the lady, in
the hard voice of a thoroughly unfeeling
"That is true you are right," the hus
band adde', dutifully supporting her. "Iy
good luck we have the open court now in
fusion. Go with us before the judge aud
he will decide the matter."
All farther protestations on the officer's
part that he was poor, that he was expected
on duty, ami so forth, did not help matters.
Out of respect for his uniform, and to avoid
an open scene, he had to go with them to
the court room, where the gallery was
densely packed with a crowd of people.
Af cr waiting some time the lady had
leave to bring her complaint.
"A h it have you to answer to this com
plaint ?" said the judge, turning to the
officer, who Eeemed embarrassed and half
in dej air.
"On the whole, very little. As the
lateness of the hour, and being required on
duty, c mpelled me to hurry, 1 did not
notice this lady's train which was dragging
on the ground. I caught one of my spurs
in it, snd had the misfortune to tear the
dress. Madam would not receive my
excuses, but perhaps now she might find
herself more disposed to forgiveness, when
I again declare, so help me God, that I
committed this awkward blunder without
any mischievous intention, and I earnestly
beg that she will pardon me."
A murmur ran through the gallery,
evidently from the people taking sides with
the defendant, and against long trains in
general and the lady in particular.
The judge called to order, and asked:
"Are you satisfied with the defendant's
''Not at all satisfied. I demand two hun
dred rubles in payment for my torn dress."
"I would have paid it long before this
had I been in a position to do so. Unfor
tunately, I am poor. My pay as and officer
is all I have to live on."
"You hear, complainant, that the defen
dant is uot able to pay the sum you demand
of him. Do you still wish the complaint
to stand ?"
An unbroken stillness reigned through
out the hall, and the young officers breath
could be heard coming hard.
"I wish it to stand. The law shall give
me my rights."
There ran through the rows of people a
murmur of indignation that sounded like
the rushing of water.
"Consider, complainant, the consequences
of your demand. The defendant can be
punished only through being deprived of
liis personal liberty, and by that you could
obtain no satisfaction, while to the defendant
it might prove the greatest injury in his
rank and position as an officer who is poor
aud dependent upon his pay. Do ou still
insist upon your complaint t
"I still insist upon it.
The course the affair was taking seemed
to have become painful to the lady's hus
band. He spoke with his wife urgently,
but, as could be seen by the way she held
up her head and the energy with which she
shook it, quite uselessly. The judge was
just going on to further consideration of
the case, when a loud voice was heard from
the audience :
"I will place the two hundred rubles at
the service of the defendant."
There followed a silence, during which a
gentleman forced his way through the
crowd and placed himself by the youug
"Sir, I am the Prince W., and beg you
will oblige me by accepting the loau of the
two hu.idred rubles in question."
"Prince, I am not worthy of your kind
ness, for I don't know if I shall ever be
able to pay the loan," answered the young
man, in a voice tremulous with emotion.
"Take the money, at all events. I can
wait until you are able to return it."
Thereupon the prince held out two notes
of a hundred rubles each and coming close
up to him, whispered a few words very
softly. There was a sudden lighting up of
the officer's face. He immediately took
the two notes, and, turning toward the lady
handed ther to her with a polite bow.
"I hope, madam, you are satisfied."
With a malicious smile she reached out
her hand for the money.
"Yes, now I am satisfied."
With a scornful glance over the crowd
of spectators, she drepared to leave the
couit-room on her husband's arm.
"Stop, madam," said the officer, who had
suddenly become like another man, with a
firm and confident manner.
"What do you want ?''
The look that the j'oung woman cast
upon him was insulting as possible.
"I want my dress," he answered, with a
slight but still pefectly polite bow.
"Give me your address and I will send
it to yuu."
"Oli, no, my dear madam, I am in the
habit of taking my purchases with me at
once. Favor me with the dress iin
mcdiatch'." A shout of approbation came from the
"Order !" cried the judge.
"What an insane demand !" said the
lady's husband. "My wife cannot undress
"1 have nothing to do with you sir, in
this matter, but only with the complainant
Be so good madam, a,s to give me the dress
immi dia'e'y. I am in a great hurry ; my
ailairs are urgent, aud 1 cannot wait a
The pleasure of the audience at the
expeuse of the lady increased with every
word, until it was hard to enforce any ap
proach to quiet, so that either party could
"Do not jest any more about it. I will
hurry, and send you the dress as soon as
"I am not jesting, I demand from the
repreniive of the law my own property
that dress," said the offiecr, raising his
The judge, thus appealed to, decided
"The officer is right, madam. You are
obliged to haud him over the dress ou the
"I can't undress myself here before all
these people, and go home without any
dress on," said the young woman, with
anger and tears.
"You should have thought of that sooner.
Now you have no time to lose. Kithcr
give up the dress of your, own accord, or "
A nod that could not be misinterpreted
brought to the lady's side two officers of
justice, Mho seemed about to take upon
themselves the office of the lady's maid.
"Take j'our money back, and leave me
"Oh, t;o, madam ; that dress is now
worth more than two hundred rubles to
"How much do you ask for it?"
"Two thousand rubles," said the officer,
"I will pay the sum," the weeping lady's
husband responded, promptly. have
here five hundred rubles. Give me pen
and paper and I will write an order upon
my banker for the remaining fifteen hun
dred." After he had written the draft the
worthy pair withdrew', amidst hisses from
An old darkey of C2, tired of longer lead
ing a life of single blessedness, hobbled up to
the marriage license clerk's desk the other
da', and said : "Is dis whar yer gifts der
lisums fer ter marry ?" "This is the place."
"How much is dey apiece ? "Seventy-five
cents." "Lord, honey, I isn't got dat much
money." "Then I can't let you have a li
cense." "Say, boss, times is hard, an' dis
case is pressin.' Couldn't yer trust me for
a couple of weeks till de white wash season
commence ?" "No, sir ; we don't do a
credit at this desk. "Jist for a day or
two ?" "Nary day," was the heartless re
joinder, and the poor old darkey hobbled
away. Yesterday he again knocked at the
outposts of Hymen's temple with the ne
cessary 75 cents tied up in the corner of a
red bandana hand-kerchief. "Dese is
monsos hard times, boss, an' ef my credit
wasn't pooty good I'd never been able to
hev burred all dis heah money ter wonst."
The license was made out in due form and
handed to him, aud then the clerk said :
"If that's all the money you have got how
are you going to support your wife ?"
"Well, de fact am dat de lady am got a
room alU furnished nice, an we'll just
mosey 'long till diss 'election trubble is
ober, am den der'll be a powahful site of
whitewashing to he done dis spring. Yes,
indeed, honey, times is gwan to be red hot
arter awhile." Cincinnati Enquirer.
VAS BENDER HENSPECKED.
Any shcntlemen vot vill go round pe
hind your face, and talk in front of your
back apont sometings, vas a shvindler. I
beared dot Brown says veek peforc next
apout uic I vas a henshpecked huspand.
Dot vas a lie 1 Do proof of de eating, vas
in the pudding : I am married tventy
year already, und I vas yet not paid headed.
I don't vas oonder some pettygoats gofern
ments ; shtill I tinks it vas better if a fel
low vill insult mit his vifo und got her ad
vices apout sometings or udcr.
Dera American votnans don't know some
tings nefer apout his huspant's pecsness, und
vhen den hart times comes, und not so
much money comes iu de house, dot makes
not some tifForenco mit her. Shtill she
moost have von of dot pull-back-in de-front
hoop-skirt petty goats, mit every kind trim
mings. Pooty soon dot huspant gets panke
rupted all to pieces. Dey send fur de Doc
tor ; und vhen de Doctor comes de man
dies. Den dot vomans vas opliged to marry
mit anoder mans vot she don't maypo like
mit four or six shildrens, on account of his
first vife already, and possobably vone or
two niudders-in-law, vone second-handed,
und de oder a shtep mudder-out law. Den
she says mit herself, "I eteu vish dot I vas
dead a little."
Now if a Chermans goes dead, dot don't
make a pit of tifference. Nopody vould
bardly know it, except maybe himself. His
vife goes mit de peeness on shust like not
itigs has happened to somepody.
American vomans and Cherman vomans
vas a tilferent kind of peobles. For in
shtinct, last year dot same feller, Mr.
Drown, goes mit me in de putcher peesness
togeder. He vas American man. so vas
his vife. Yell, many time vhen efery peo
bles got the panic pooty bad, dot Vomans
comes to her huspant uned sa-s she moost
have mony. Den she goes out
Yonee on a time, Drown says to
"Bender, I vouldu't be henshpecked." So
he vent off und gut himself tight shust
pecause his vile tells him, blease don't do
dot. Den he sits down on his pack mit de
floor, und if I am not dcre dot he never
vould got home.
Yell, dot night, me und my vife, ve had
a little talk about sometings ; und de next
day I says to Drown, "Look here vonst !
My vife she makes sausages, und vorks in
dot shtore ; also my taughter she vorks py
the shtore und makes head skeeses ; und
our vife vas going riding all de times mit
de horses-car, und a patent-tied pack cardi
nal shtriped shtockings. Now your vife
mo.;st go vork in de shtore und cut pcef
shteaks, and make saurkraut, or else ve
divide not equally any more dot profits.
Yell, DroM-n, goes home und he tells his
vife apout dot. Den she comes pooty quick
mit Brown around, und ve had a misun
dershtanding apout somethings, in vhieh
eferypody took a part, incliuding my little
dog Kasicr. Pooty soon up comes a polices
mans und arrests us for breedches of promise
to keep de pieces, und assaulting de battery,
or sumetings. Den de firm of Bender &
Brown vas proke up. I go apout my pees
ness, und BroM'n goes mit his peesness. My
vife she helps in the shtore. His vife goes
riding mit de horses-cars, und efery nights
she vas by de theater.
Yot's de gonsequences ; Along comes
dot Centennial panic. Dot knocks Brown
more higher as two kites, py Chiminy, My
income vas shtill more as my outcome. Dut
Brown, he goes 'round dut shtreets mit his
hands out of his pockets, und he don't got
a cent to his back.
Fritz had mooe trouble with his neigh
bor. This time he determined to appeal
to the majesty of the law aud accordingly
consulted a legal gentleman.
'How vas does tings ?' he said. 'Yell,
a veller's got a garden, und der odder vel
lar got some schikens eat 'em up. Dou't
vou irot some law for dot.'
'Some oiu-'s chickens have been destroy
ing your garden ?' asked the lawyer.
'Straw in my garden ! Neiu, it vas vege
tables.' 'And the chicks committed depredations
'Ish dot so ?' asked Fritz, in astonish
ment. 'And you Mrant to sue him for damages,'
continued the lawyer.
Yass. Yant tamages, and der gabbages,
und der lettuccss.'
'Did you uotify him to keep his chick
ens up ?'
"Yass, I did notify him.'
'And what did he say ?'
'He notify me to go und vipe mine shin
off down mine vest.'
'And he refused to comply with Our
just demand ?'
He allowed his chickens to run at
Yaas. Some vas large und some vas
leedle vultures, but dey dos scratch mine
garden more as der sefen dimes iuch.'
Well, you want to sue him ?'
'Yaas, I vant sue him to make you plank
fence up sixdecn feed his house i ll arouudt,
vot der schickens doti'd got ofer.'
The lawyer informed him that he could
not compel I im to build such a fence, and
Fritz left in a range, exclaiming :
'Next summer time I raise me schickens,
too, you bate I I raise fiden schickens. Yipe
off your vest down !
A Yankee in a trance, who was supposed
to be dead, was laid on ice, hut he awoke
aud startled his watchers by yelling, "Why
don't you keep up a better fire ?"
"Two young women want washing."
"Teeth extracted M'ith great pains."
"Babies taken and finished in ten min
utes by a country photographer."
And what does this mean ?
"Business chance To be diposcd of
trcnuinc fried fish business at the West
Docs the genuineness apply to the fish,
the business, or to the way in which they
are fried ?
And one's mind gets hopelessly dazed
over the advertisement offering a large re
ward for "A large Spanish blue gentle
man's cloak lost in the neighborhood of the
There are others deliciously inconse
quent, like the advertisement of a run
away which furnished this valuable hint
fur identification :
"Age is not precisely known, but looks
older than he is."
Or the notice a shoemaker put on his
"Shall be back in ten days from the time
you see this shingle."
Some, however, leave no loophole, for
"Babies, after having taken one bottle
of my soothing syrup, will never cry any
And au editor, puffing air-tight coffins,
"No person having one tried one of
these air-tight coffins will never use any
Eight More as Dwelve.
A farmer let his lands to an oil company
last spring, on condition jof receiving oue
cighth of the oil produced. The well
proved to be a pretty good one, and-the
farmer began to think that the oil men
should give him a better chance, and ven
tured to tell them so. They asked him
M-hnt he wanted. He said they ought to
give him one-twelfth. The agreement was
finally made, M'ith the understanding that
the farmer was not to tell an' one. All
went smooth until the next division day
came, when our-friend was early at hand
to see how much better he would be ofF un
der the new bargain. Eleven barrels were
rolled to one side of the oil men, and one
for him. This did not suit him. "How's
dish ?" says lie. "I think I was to get
more as before. By jinks you make mis
take !" The matters were explained to
him, that he formerly got one barrel of
every eight, but it was his own proposition
to only take one of every twelve. .This
revelation took him aback. He scratched
his head, louked cross, and relieved his
swelling breast of feelings of self-reproach
by indignantly remarking; "Well, dat ish
de first time as ever I know'd eight was
more as dwelve."
The Land of Texas.
' A Texan, visiting this point, gathered
around him some of our old citizens Mon
day, and entertained them with some of his
experiences in the Lone State. One inci
dent told by him in as follows :
"You'd hardly believe, now, what I am
going to tell. In Texas we use raw-hide
straps, or thongs, for traces, and in wet
weather they do stretch amazingly. Why,
often in cool damp weather at home I've
hit li2d up two horses and drove down hill
from my house to the creek bottom for a
sled load of wood. I have loaded the wood
and many times driven back home and un
hitched the horses and the sled would not
be in sight."
"How did you get the wood home then?"
asked an inquisitive bystander.
"Oh, I just tied the ends of the traces
together and threw them over a post, went
knocking about my M'ork and waited until
the sun shone out. Sometimes it would
be more than two hours before that sled
load M'ould get home, but you'd see her
crawling up the hill at last gradually ap
proaching as the raw-hide traces shrunk up
to their proper lengths. Yes, Texas is a
great country, you bet."
A Grave Mistake.
As a resident of Woodward avenue stood
at his gate yesterday morning, a boy about
thirteen years old came along with a snow
shovel ou his arm.
"Ha ! boy come here want a job ?"
called the gentleman.
"Sir t" answered the boy with great
"Pitch the snow off my walk and I'll give
you a quarter," continued the Avenuer.
"You don't know me," said the lad as
he marched on. "I am on my way to clear
the walks in front of father's fourteen luts
up here. All our eighteen horses are lame,
and our gold-mounted snow-plow is out ol
order, or you wouldn't see me carrying this
shovel around. I'm offering five dollars
to any one who will carry it up as far as
Parsons street. Free Press.
'Dare's gwine to be wall,' remarked a
colored citizen, 'an' all ye niggahs mout
jes's will git ready for active business.'
'Which side shall we take ?' asked one of
his harrers. 'You niggahs can take jes
what side yer please ; I'se gwine to take
de Canada side.'
A German looked up at the sky, and re
marked : "I guess a leedle it will rain
somedime pooty queek." "Yees do, eh ?"
replied an Irishman. "What business have
yees too purtend to know about Amerikeu
weather, ye furriner ?"
A New Jersey woman is so cleanly that
she uses two rolling pins, one for the pie
crust and the other for her husband's head.
The silk importations will be smaller
than they have been fur years.
Blue, brown, dark steel and smoke
shade are the prevailing colors in gros
Chip bonnets of ecru shades will con
tinue in vogue.
Plush stripes an inch wide with armure
stripes between are novelties in gauzes for
Persian and India gauzes arc M'orn as
scarfs and draperies over princcsse dresses.
Bonnet fronts will ail be close to the
face, but there will be some Variation iu
A new fancy silk is a plain ground nearly
concealed by tiny points or dots of many
Colored grenadines will-be much worn
Lacing will take the place of buttons on
Monogram buttons are used for kid
Many flowers will be used for millinery
The high gloss of taffets silks makes them
unpopular, but they are the most service
able and cool.
The fashionable color for spring will be
Gloves for evening wear are of light
color and laced on the outside of the arm.
Etruscan styles take the advance in gold
A stylish ball dress must have a peacock
Lockets have completely driven brooches
out of fashion.
Leaf patterns are the most stylish iu
Properly made bouquets have a covering
of kid over the stems to keep the moisture
from soiling the irloves.
A striking combination for evening
dresses is made with cardinal and blue.
Fawn colortd cashmeres piped with pale
blue make the prettiest indoor dress for
Yery bright colors softened by graver
ones is a novelty iu Persian silks.
In bonnets, silk crowns will match the
costume and the fronts will be of satin
finished straw or faucy braids.
Evening silks are brocaded and accom
panied by one gros grains of similar color.
Flowered lawns with border trimming
are coming into fashion again.
Empress Eugenie flourishes a cane ou
Five cents' worth of gum arabic dis
solved in a very little hot water and left to
stand over night in enough alcohol to make
it thin, will make hair remain crimped. It
can be bottled.
' Little Things.
A kross word iz a little thing, but it iz
what stirs up the elephant.
A kind word iz a little thing, but it iz 1
just what soothed the sorrows ov the set
An orange peel on the sikewalk iz a lit
tle thing, but it haz upset menny a giant.
An oath iz a little thing, but it iz rc
korked in the great ledger in Heaven.
A serpent's fang iz a little thing, but
death iz its viktory. '
A baby iz a little wee thing, but a con
stable waz once a baby.
A hornet's sting is a little thing, but it
sends the school-boy home howling.
A star iz a little thing, but it kau hold
this grate world iu its arms.
The tung iz a little thing, but it fills the
uuiverse with trubble.
An egg iz a little thing, but the huge
krokerdile kreeps into life out uv it.
A kiss iz a very little thing, but it be
trayed the Son ov God into the hands ov
A spark iz a little thing' but it can light
the poor man's pipe, or set the world to
The akorn iz a little thing, but the blak
bear and hiz family live iu the oak that
springs from it.
A word is a little thing, yet one word
haz been menny a man's destiny, for good
or for evil.
A penny iz a very little thing, but the
interest ou it from the days ov Cain aud
Abel, would buy out the globe.
A minute iz a little thing, but it iz long
enough to pull a dozen aking teeth ; or to
git married aud hav yure owu mother-in-law.
A lap dog iz a little thing, but he iz a
very silly thing besides.
Life iz made up ov littlo things. Life
itself iz but a littlo thing ; one breath less,
then conies the phuneral. Josh Billings.
"The sentence of the Court is," said
Judge Porter, a popular Irish magistrate,
to a notorious drunkard, "that you be
confined in jail for the longest period the
law will allow ; and I hope you will spend
the time in cursing whisky." "Be jabers,
I will, and Porter, too," was the answer.
A Western lawyer who was defending a
man on trial for wife murder, sought for
some euphonious and innocent phrase with
which to describe his client's crime, and
finally said : "Ho winnownd her into
Paradise with a fence rail." ' "