J3cu0tci to politics, Citcraturc, gvicnltuvc, .Science, illovaliiy, ani (Scncral 3ntdiiSciut. VOL. 29. STROUDSBURG, MONROE COUIVTY, PA., OCTOBER 19, 1871. NO. 26. Published by Theodore Schoch. TFrtMS To dollars s yearin advance and if not ni.t'bef.rethe ewl of ihc year, two dollars and fifty J.Pts will be charged. o pmer discontinued until all arrearages are paid, -'cept;i:he option ot the Editor. ir7 V lvcrliscmentsof one square of (eight lines) or !r.vie or three insertions $1 50. Each additional a'.erti mi, 5" centa. Longer ones in proportion. ' '"" J O B I It I X T I X G , OF ALt, KINDS, rtecuted in the highest style of the Art, and on the 6 most reasonable terms. DR. J. LANTZ, JSiirgeon and Mechanical Dentist, till h his office n Main Street, in the second irv of Dr. S. Walton's brick, building, nearly oppo site W Stroudsburg House, and he flatters himself th , hv ei"Mcen vears constant practice and the inot Vrnt and careful attention lo all matters pertaining l. his piofrsMon, that he is fully able to perform all erations in the dental line in the most careful, taste lal and skillful manner. ieecial attention given to savin- the Natural Teeth ; ,!, w the iiikertioa of Artificial teeth on Rubber, old, Stlvrr or Continuous Cum?, and pertect its la all ciies insured. Most persons know the great folly and danger ol en tnin'nK their work to the inexperienced, or to those liTing at a distance. April 13, 18TI. ly DR. N. L. PECK, Surgeon Dentist, Announces that ha vinjr just returned from Denial Collegs, he is fully prepared to make artificial teeth in the most beautiful and life like manner, and lo fill decayed teeth ac cording to the most improved method. Teeth extracted without pain, when de aired by the use of Nitrous Oxide Gas, which is entirely harmless. Repairing of all kinds neatly clone. All work warranted. Charges reasonable. Office in J. G. Keller's new Brick build- in. Main Sireet, Stroudsburg, Pa. aug 31-tt JJU. GEO. V. JACKSON Physician, Surgeon & lccoucher. Office, next to Smith's store, residence Kresgey's Hotel. EAST STROUDSBURG, Pa. June 8, 1970. tf. DIl. C. O. IIOFFJIAX, 31. 1. Would rcsjxK-t fully announce to the ublic that he has removed his office from Oakland to Canadensis, Monroe County, Pa. Trusting that many years of consecutive f notice of Medicine and Surgery will be a nuuicicnt guarantee lor the public confidence. February 23, 1870. tf. JAMliS II. WALTOX, At tor lies at I-nv, Office in second story of new building, near ly opposite the Washington Hotel, Main st. Stroudslmrg, la. January 13, 1S7. tf. S HOLMES. Jr. . w . A tit) in cy at 1a x, STROUDSBURG, PA. Office, on Main Street, 5 doors above the StrouJburg House, and opposite Ilustcr' el'ithing store. 07-Bu?inc.-s of all kinds attended to with promptness and fideliiy. May G, 16G9. if. PLASTER! Fresh ground Nova Scotia PLASTER, at Stokes1 Mills. HEMLOCK BOARDS. FENCING, SHINGLES, LATH, PA LING, and POSTS, cheap. FLOUR and FEED constantly on hand. Wid exchange Lumber and Plaster for Grain or piy the highest market price. BLACKSMITH SHOP just opened by C Stone, an experienced workman. Public trade solicited. N. S. WYCKOFF. tkV Mills, Pd., April 20, 1871. A, ROCKAFKLLOW, DEALER IK Read j -Made Clothing, Gents Fur nishing Goods, Hats & Caps, Boots & Shoes, &c. EAST STROUDSBURG, PA. (Near the Depot) The public are invited to call and exam ine goods. Prices moderate. May 6, 1869. tf. A FULL ASSORTMENT OF HOME MADE CHAIRS Always on hand at SAMUEL S. LEE'S New Cabinet Shop, Franklin Street Stroudsburg, Penn'a In rear of Stroudsburg Bank. April 6, '71. ly. REV. EDWARD A. WILSON'S (of Wil. liamsburgh, N. Y.) Recipe for CON SUMPTION and ASTHMA carefully com pounded at HOLLINSHEAD'S DRUG STORE. 07" Medicine Fresh and Pure. Wot. 21. 18G7.J W. HOLLINSIIEAD. DO.VT rOKCjKT that when you want any thing in the Furniture f Ornamental line that McCarty, in the Odd-Fellows' Hall, Main Street, Streuds pa., is the place lo get it. Sept. 20 C AN YOU TELL WHY IT IS iiwi wbB any one comes to Strouds. in I. X.T 11 burg to buy Furniture, they always inquicr or McCartys Furniture Store! Sept. 26 MONROE COUNTY ft! K! STKOUDSRUKCi, PA. ON THE FIRST OF APRIL, 1871, THIS-BANK will commence paying Interest on DAILY DEPOSITS, at the rate of Four Per Cent SUBJECT TO CHECK AT SIGHT. Accounts rendered, and interest credited monthly. SEVEN PER CENT INTEREST PAH) on permanent deposits, as heretofore. Checks on all parts of the Country COLLECTED Free or Cost Tor Depositors. FOR SALE ON England and Ireland. All deposits in this Rank are secured by Bond, with securiety to Thos. M. Mcllha ney. Trustee, in trust for Depositors, which bond Is recorded in the proper office. THOS. A. BELL, Cashier. March lfi, 1671. ly. ' JpUACJJ DLt'LAKLD AND THE PETER ItOUA, respectfully announces lo his friend, the generous public, that his SALOON is again opened, for the sale of LAGCK BCCR, PORTER, ALE, WINES, CIGARS, . SCHWEITZER, &c. &c. &c. at his old stand. Call, see and try. OCT" Minors not allowed to visit his Sa loon. March 4, '69. tf. psT WILLIAM S, Watchmaker & Jeweler, MAIN-ST, STOUDSBURG, PA. Located in corner building, third door be low the JefFcTsonian office. Room handsome 'y fitted up, and heavily stocked with the fi nest assortment of Clocks, Watches, Jewelry, Jewelers No tions, &c, ever offered in thissccthn of counlijr. A full assortment of Spectacles, of the best quality, and suited to all ages, always on sale. Silver-ware, and Silver Plated ware, al ways on hand at manufacturers prices. ("Repairing neatly executed, and char ges extremely moderate. Calls from the public respectfully solicited. Sole Agent for the celebrated Diamond Spectacles. November 5th, 1863 ly. NEW STOEE NEW GOODS AT REDUCED PRICES ! DARIUS DREHER, begs leave to an nounce to his friends and and to the pub lic generally, that he has just received a general assortment of Dry Goods, Jfotions, Dress Trimming, AND M1LLIXF11Y GOODS consisting, in part of the following desirable articles, viz. : Calicoes, Lawns, French Chintz, Children's Dress Goods , Worked Edgings, Parasols, Zejdiers, ' Shetland Wool, Shetland Wool Shawls, Delaines. Musi ttig. White Dress Goods, Insert in;, Lady's tind Children s Sachs Flannel ajul Cloth, ' Lady's, Misses and Mens Hoes, Gloves and Collars, Mourn in j Goods, . Shroudings, 0c., Ct., Goods shown with pleasure.' ''Quicks sales and "small profits" at the old and well known Millinery Stand of P. A. DREHER. The Millinery business will be carried on as usual by Mrs. Dreher. - ' Patronage reepectly solicited. DARIUS DREHER. Apil 26, 1666, . , A Sanguine Candidate. Among the candidates on the "Bell Ringers" ticket at the recent election in San Francisco, was one who is of all men the most sanguine. On being named, he immediately set to work to,"carrj the city." He advertised, and he did more he walked up and down the streets and told all his acquaintances that he was on the Bell Ringers' ticket. A large num ber congratulated him and shook hands with him. Then they walked off medi tatively and wondered who the Bell lliog ers were and when they made their nom inations; Still he uworked," and as he worked became still more sanzuinc of sue cess. On the day before election, several ac quaintances suggested that he must pro cure pasters. "You can never win, old fellow, unless you get pasters," said they. "You need a great many, too, for every body will 'scratch' in your favor." The suggestion was pleasant ; the can didate counted his cash capital which lay in his right hand pantaloons pocket. Af terward, he walked to a printing-house, and ordered the printing of thirty thou sand pasters bearing his name. "You will have them gummed and cut, of course," said the printer man. "No, I think not ; I'll do that myself," replied the candidate. Dubiously did the printer man look at him, but as the cash was paid in advance, he said nothing. The printing was not done until after nine o'clock at night, and the candidate, who had been walking up and down the hallway, marched triumphantly toward home with his thirty thousand pasters. "About one-half of them will be wasted," thought he ; "the balance added to the straight tickets will render my election sure." They sat up all night "fixing" the pas ters the candidate and his wife, and his wife's mother, and his eldest daughter. The candidate spread mucilage over the backs of the printed sheets of paper ; the daughter hung them on a line against the stove to dry, and the wife and her mother cut until their hands were stiff and swollen. Two o'clock, three o'clock, five o'clock came, and still they worked away, yawning at every clip of the shears. The carpet was strewn with scraps of pa per, the table streaked with mucilage, and the candidate himself was a perambulat ing court plaster, so gummy was he. "My dear," said his wife, at half past five, "haven't you enough ? My thumb is almost cut in two with the shears, and grandma is quite done up." "We had better go on, my love," re plied the candidate ; "I shall need them all." "Dear me I" said she ; "I didn't know that there were thirty thousand voters in the city." "Of course you didn't ; women are not expected to know anything about poli tics." The candidate had no sleep that night and at an early hour in the morning sail ed forth to distribute his thirty thousand pasters. Then he "worked" all day, spent j a great deal of money for whiskey and a great deal of breath for nothing. Then he pat up another twenty-four hours to sec the ballots counted. In his precinct, same in which he had worked so hard, 800 votes had been polled, and of these he had received two ! one being by means of a paster. His luck elsewhere had been no better, and he went home. His wife greeted him with smiles ; the wa3 sure that hubby-hubby had.becn elected. And in respouse to her congratulatory caresses the brute turned savagely upon his wife, and said : . , "My love, yesterday morning, I circu lated thirty thousand pasters bearing my name. In the whole city 1 have receiv ed just thirty votes.. If you ever say 'paster' to me, I'll sue for a divorce. I am going to bed." That candidate will not be seen on the street for a month to come. A German game of base ball broke up in the eighth inning with one arm brok en, one eye put out, one jaw, dislocated, aud eighteen fingers "shifted." Agassiz tells about a sort of . fish in Brazil which can "climb trees. They arc probably peculiar to the tropical climb. The female barber out West ha3 retired from business on account of the arrival of a little shaver. A Medical school is now discussing the question whe"ther"a black man can have a "white swelling.' The Old Maid's Thermometer. Age. 15. Anxious for coming out, and the at tentions of the other sex. 16. Begins to have some idea of the ten der passion. 17. Talks of love in a cottage, and disin terested affection. 18. Fancies herself in love with some handsome man who has flattered her. 19. Is a little more diffident on account of being noticed. 20. Commences being fashionable. 21. Still more confident in her own at-1 tractions, and expects a brilliant es tablishment. Of Refuses a good offer, because he is not a man of fashion. Flirts with every young man she meets. Wonders she is not married. Bather more circumspect in her con duct. Begins to think a large fortune not quite so indispensable. Prefers the company of rational men to flirting. Wishes to be married in a quiet way, with a comfortable income. Almost despairs of entering the mar , ried state. Bather fearful of being called an "Old Maid !" An additional love of dress. Professes to dislike balls, finds it difficult to get good partners. Wonders how men can leave the so ciety of sensible women to flirt with chits. 9", 24. 25. 26. 27. 23. 20. 30. 31. 32. 53. 34. Affects good humor in her conversa tion with men. 35. Jealous of the praises of women. 36. Quarrels with her friend who is lately married. 37. 33. 39. 40. Thinks herself slighted in society. Likes to talk of her acquaintances who are married unfortunately. Ill nature increases. Very meddling and officious. 41. If rich, as a dernier resort, makes . love to a young man without fortune. 42 Not succeeding, rails against man kind. Partiality for cards and scandal com mences. Severe against the manners of the 43 44 age. 45. 46. Strong predilection for a clerr yman. Foraged at his desertion. 47. Becomes despoodiDg and takes to tea. 48. Turns all sensibility to cats and doss. 49 Adopts a dependent relation to attend upon her feline and canine nursery. Becomes disgusted with the world, and vents all her ill humor on her unfortunate relation. 50 The Vagabond Sage. An old man of very active physiognomy, answering to the name of Jacob Wilmont, was brought to the police court. His clothes looked as though they might have been bought seconJ hand in his youthful prime for they had suffered more from the rubs of the world than the proprietor himself. "What business?" "None ; I'm a traveler." "A vagabond, perhaps ?" "You are not far wrong. Travelers and vagabonds are about the same thing. The difference is that the latter travel without money, and the former without brains." "Where have you traveled 1" "All over the continent." "For what purpose "Observation." "What havo you observed?", "A little to commend, much to censure, and a great deal to laugh at." "Humph 1 what do you commend 7" "A handsome woman who will stay at home ; an ' eloquent preacher that will preach short sermons j a good writer that wilt not write too much ; and a fool that has sense enough to hold his tongue." "What do you censure ?". "A man that marries a girl for her fine clothiug ; a youth who studies medicine while he has the use of his hands ; and people who will elect a drunkard to office.", 1 "What do you laugh at 7" "I laugh at a man who expects his posi tion to command that respect which his personal qualities do not merit." . He was dismissed. Isn't it funny to see a lady with both hands in soft dough and a mosquito on the end of her nose ? The "Little Brown Jug" is one of Nilssor's weaknesses. We meaa the bong of that Dame. How to swallow u door. Bolt it. An Odd Russian Dance. They have a singular kind of dance on the greens of country villages in Russia. The dancers stand apart a knot of young men here, a knot of maidens there each sex by itself, and silent as a crowd of mutes. When the piper breaks into a tune a youth pulls off his cap, and chal lenges a girl with a wave and a bow. If the girl is willing, she waves her hand kerchief in token of assent; the youth advances, takes a corner of the 'kerchief in his hand, and leads his lassie round and round. No word is spoken, and no laugh is heard. Stiff with cords and rich with braids, the girl moves heavily by herself going round and round, and never allowing her partner to touch her hand. . The pipe goes droning on for hours in the same sad key aud measure ; and the prize of merit in this "circling," as the dance is called, is given by the spectators to the lassie who, in all that summer revelry, has never spoken and and never smiled. Imported Foreign Groceries. Probably very few people know what a largo quantity of fancy foreign groceries, inclading pickles, sauces, and condiments, arc brought to this country annually, A Boston paper says that there are received in that city from Fogland alone at least 10,000 barrels (the pickles, sauces, jel lies, olives, etc., being put up in bottles and then packed in barrels for shipment), to say nothing of French fruits, preserves, wines, etc. Large quantities of ale and porter arc also shipped to that city an nually, amounting to some four or five thousand casks of bottles. London crack ers are also beginning to be exported in large quantities. During the past year more than three hundred tons of these fancy crackers, made up in all shapes, sizes, and designs, have reached Boston by steamer from London, and, strange as it may appear, considerable American flour is consumed in their manufacture. One firm in Boston have also imported, during the past year, nearly a thousand casks of Day & Martin's blacking. Of course a much larger amount comes to New York, but we have not the figures to show the extent of that trade. . Waste Paper for Household Uses. Few housekeepers have time to black en their stoves every day, or even every week. Many wash them in either clean water or dish water. This keeps them clean, but they look very brown. After a stove has been blackened, it can be kept looking very well for a long time by rub bing it with paper every morning. If I occasionally find a drop of gravy or fruit juice that the paper will will not take off, I rub it with a wet cloth, but do not put on water enough to take off he black ing. I fiud that rubbing with paper is a much nicer way of keeping the outside of my teakettle, coff-pot, and tea pot bright and clean, than the old way of washing them iu suds. The inside of coffee-pots and tea pots should be rinsed in clear water, and never in the dish water. Rubbing with dry paper is also the best way of polishing knives aud tin-ware after scouring. This saves wetting the knife-handles. If a. little flour be held on the paper in rubbing tinware and spoons, they shine like new silver. For polishing windows, mirrors, lamp chim neys, etc., I always use paper in. prefer ence to any dry cloth. Preserves and pickles keep much better if brown paper, instead of cloth, is tied over the jar. Canned fruit is not so apt to mould if a piece of writing paper, cut to fit the can, is laid directly on the top of the fruit. Paper is much better to put under a car pet than straw. It is warmer, thinner, and makes Ics3 noise when one walks over it. A fair carpet can be make for a room not constant use, by pasting several thicknesses of newspaper on the floor, over them a coat of wall-paper,, aud giv ing it a coat of varnish. In could weath er I have often placed paper between my bed -quilts, knowing that two thicknesses of paper are as warm as a quilt. If it is necessary to step on a ohair, always lay a. paper on it; this saves rubbiug the varn - ih. Children easily learu the habit of I doing so. Tccliuoi gist. Somewhere in the West, a sable knight of the lather and brush was performing! the operation of shaving a Hoosier with a very dull razor. "Stop !" said lloosicr j "that won't do." : 5 "What's de matter, boss ?" " "That razor pulls." "Well.no matter for dat, sah If do handle ob ue razor dou't break, de beard's bound to come off." Secret Service. "Offis's of Josh Billings Farmer, 1 Almanax for 1872." Mi Dear Mr. Editor : Sum men are born grate, sum men git grate afte they are born, and sum men have grate ness hove' upon them. It seems tew me that I am all 3 of thesa men hove into one. At a mass meeting lately held in Por dunk county (my natiff village) the in habitants past the following preamble and resolutcs : Whereas, it is hilly good that a Far mer's Almanax should be born for, ta$ year 1S72. Resoultcd, that Josh Billings should ba sot apart, (and hereby is expressly so apart) tew beget the job. Rcsoulted, That this Alminax shall ba begotted on the fust day ov nex October, wet or dry. Resoultcd, That this Alminax shall kon tain milk for babes, meat for elders, and crumbs for all. Resoulted, That Knowcr bilt the' ark, and Joner waz the fust man who wen? flf whalcing, but Josh Billings, has the right iugrcdients for a Farmers' Allmanax. Resoulted, That Faith wins the battles of life, Hope beautuys them, and Charity makes them immortal. Rcsolutcd, That more dogs than a man wants arc a nuisance, and less than he haz got, iz positively no loss. Rcsoluted, That we fully believe that man cum from the monkey, but whare the monkey cum from, we dont seem to' kno. ResoluteJ, That the thanks or this' meeting-be sent to Darwin fcr tew mon key) we dont kare whitch. Resoluted, That all the nuzepapers in our. beloved land (without distinction or color) be allowed to print these Resolutes. Resoluted, That this meeting now; unanimusly bursts quietly, sinun dk Josh Billings, Sekretaryv Ditto, A4lmanackeK P. S. The meeting did bust quiet. J. C. Stick to the Fence. For fifteen years daily at Stamford, Conn., a man has sat on a fence and watched every railroad train as it passed. Exchange. He is probably trying to make up his mind if it would be safe to ride in tho cars. Old fellow, you stick to that fenco ! If the top rail is sharp turn-it over or put a cushion on it. Fit up a smoking apart ment on the next panel if you like, and rig a luxurious couch on the next'oa to that. Bring out your bagage, take a check for it, and hang it on a post. Buy a ticket and punch it yourself. Ask yoar self the distance to the next station and get insulted. Secure, as your means will permit, all the luxries of railroad travef, but don't get off that fence to eajby them. So you shall die a natural death, and the' Kood wife shall not expend a farm in fighting the insurance companies over your cold corpse Y'ou're in the right of this thing, old fellow. The following epitaph is by Moore, on, an attorney named Shaw : "Here lies John SSatfy Attorney at law j And when he died The devil cried, 'Give us your paw, John Shaw, Attorney at law V " Josh Billings has issued supplement to his famous essay on the mule. Here it is in full : "The mewl is a larger burd than the guse turkey ; it has tu legs to walk with and tu more to kick with, and wares its wings on the side of its head." A little boy having broken his rocking horse the day it was bought, his mother began to rebuke him, and to threaten to box his ears. He silenced her by inquir- iini. "Hhat is lue use or a noss uu u s : jjrojje ? . The Yankee who was lying at the point of death, whittled it off with his 'jack knife and, is now recovering. The drouth now prevailing in Illinois has not been equaled within the cast twenty five years, The Territory of Utah is not burdened with a dollar of either Territorial, muni cipal, or county debt. A bereaved Western widow addrescd : tho pall bearers at the funeral with : "You pall bearers just go into the buttery and get some rum. and we'll start this man right along.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers