. III? " ' 11 III ll I I HI I, i i i I,,, , , , 1II1IWIIH Millun II I I, , - nilBllllllir III II IB II I MM ' ' ll ... .11.- .1-. . , i 1 1 111 " i .T.T , 7.'Zl. mmmmB3ffm'mmaaBrmtummiinn Scuotcir ta IPoJitics, literature, Agriculture, Science, iHoralitn, auir (Sencral intelligence. VII VOL. 24. STROUDSBURGr, MONROE COUNTY, PA. MARCH 9, 1805. I For Rats, flEice, Roadies, Ants, Bed Buss Hiolhs in Fiu, Wool ens Easecta oia PSants, Fowls, Animals, &c. Pat up in hoc. 50c. and 1,00 Boxes, Hot-! lei, and Flasks. $3 and sizes fur Ho tels, Public Institutions, &c. 'Only infallible remedies known." N Free from Poisons." "Not dangerous to the Human Family." Rats come out of their holes to die." ft7-Sold Wholesale in all large cities. j-Sold bv all Druggists and Retailers ev-i crywhere J-'!!ijewarc'!! of all worthless imitations. OrSec that " CostarV name is .on each Box, Bollle and Flask, before yon hny CO-Address HENRY R. COSTAR. Sold by W. IIOLIJNMIEAD, Wlmlasalc &. Retail Agent, Slroudsburg, Pa. Mirch 24, IGi. dm. LEGTTJBE TO YOUXG MEN. Just Published in Price a Scaled Envelope Six Cents. I A Lrotare ia the atscrs, Treat. meat and rfftoZ cure of Spermator-; meat and radical cure oi otermator- R:.v. or Seminal Weakness Involuntary; tesions Sexual Debility, and Impediments , to Marriage gcncrallv. Nervousness, Cox-! IvMmoN. ErnPSYtrndFiTs; Mental and ! Pbysical Incapacity, resulting from Scf-A- bub-e, &c, By ROB'T J. CULVERNVELL, ir T 4...W nf)!,,, r,rnnn TW.r " .r I l. T).. Author of the "Green JJcok," 5cc. 'VUa u-nrld rpnnT.pi1 nnlhnr in this admi rable Lecture, clearly proves from his own personal experience that thc awful conse-'own quences of Self-Abuse may be effectually rc - .nrnA tiT,tlniif mpiliriiio ntirl witnniit rlnn- gcrous surgical operations "IU?V-U ,, bougies instru-:ue nrivatclv. and radically. THIS LLCTURL jncnis, rings or coruiaj pjinujiy um n muau a inajoruy in inc ounremc uourt oi tuc i i,,i r. r r .:.. i r.,i . . ... naru u.rr curcai uuw u.u .mu 7iU g from thc siavelioldins States, to' which crerv sufTcrer.no matter what his . . p ' . grand pi condition may be, may cure himself cheaply, ; interpret thc Constitution in favor of tnetr fc , will rituvr, mkji kj J--jKchei Sent under seal, in a plain envelope, to any address, posl-paid, on receipt of six j cento, or two post stamps. Address the pub- j CHAS. J. C KLINE & CO., 127 Bowery, Sow York, Post'of- :c box 45SG. June 10, 1S6L ly. BR." W. II. W1TM0B, Of PMladelpitia. Where he lias been in succespful Practice fr a number of years, with the experience of nil the different Hospitals, &c., is now permanently located at Allentown, (UhiceL. Schncck's E.igle Hotel.) where he will be in strict at!cndance to all Professional calls. No I'alenl Medicines usd or recommend ed. The remedies administered are those which will not break down the constitution, bill renovate the svstcin from all injuries it I . I .11 I . bit sustained from improper treatment, and j for cruelty and crime, barbarity and fiend leavc the pyetcra in a healthy and perfectly isbness 0n their part, only finds a para eurcd condition. - , , , c 4, r , ilclaucholly Alteration, that slate or ali- bel among thc red savages of thc forrest. enaiion and weakness of the mind which Yet these chivalric knighls make great render persons lncsDable of emovmir theJ pleapurc. or performing the duties of life. DYSPEPSIA. That digesting disease and fell destroyer of health and happiness, undermining she constitution and yearly car rynij: thousands to b n timely graves, can most mpnalicallv be cured. RHEUMATISM In any form.or condi tion warranted currablc, Epilepsy, or falling ickness, all chronic or stubborn cases oi Female Diseases, radically removed Salt' Rheum, and every description of ulceration; ' IMuiand Scrofulous dif eases, which have I fcafiled previous medical skill, can be cured i fcr nroL .mMmnnt, nr.d I do sav. fvcs Ltmsumvliou) can be cured by wearing my I I -. - 1 - - Medicated Jacliet, which is a protection to me ijui)s against an cnaiiiio ui ivtauiti nllclmmtes: living investigated for years! I. T - . II I r..,...lkn. mlO tliecaujcand character of intennittcnts, (Fc-jto mn Family, can be removed aud permanent ly cured. Consultation in my oiHce in the Lnpush .j ' . f i ht:ii and German language, free of charge. Will make visits any distance. Wednesdays and j Snurdavs set apart for patients from a dis- i iparl lor pa tance. May be addressed by letter (confiden tially,) and Medicines sent with proper di rections to any part of the country. Dr. V. H. WITMOK, Office in Eagle Hotel Building, Allentown, Lehigh Co., Pa. September 1, 18G4 -ly. rJTCK, cr and Ague.) in all parts of t.ic united) j to 1)rciici the Gospel to the poor, will' forms and iu many of our rocks. btates will cure permanently all Uiromc nnBnv flm w nf Wn ! hundred pounds of limestone, when .Acute cases of Ague and Nervous d,seas- . " . 2, C Z! ed, will weigh but sixty pounds. .... . ... UJUU. u. r.:" .'"uu na rt driven off by burning is car nra uunvi. nmi uiwu w hinPfillt hlOOU OI Uieir 1C110W 1UC11 111 an '.j TT.1 waxier, nml rapcr :5but tuo yaujeec woum bUUu Bu u. Will attend to, and promptly execu.e, uu lo'pSc" of his buataSS Z feels confident of rend cr -"O V-lllMt CUHCIULtlUll u w fj be found at U s shop, on Snnpson ttrcct, Stroudsburg, Pa. . iKOn . Patronage respectfully solicited. Jlarch 26,1802. 'EWN, TTIT7.AT.F.T.P11TA n;w. r,n rmr.s Seminal. Urinarv" and Sexual Systems ne wand reliable treat- :.. ii i .. TTnWAT.n ASSD- "wit in iv-enoris ui uu. eiATION-Sent bv mail in sealed letter env,tnnoC nr-rWo. Address, Dr. J. SKILLTN HODGHTON. Howard Associa- fion.No. 2 South Ninth Street, Philadcl- ua'la- . Published by Theodore Schoclh TERI.-3 Two dollars a year in advance and if no uid before the end of the ycaj, in o dollars and fitfy eis. will be charged. .,; iNo paper discontinued until all arrearages are paid, crccptattho option of the Editor. vertiscine its of One saiinrp nf reicl-.t inel or I loss, one or three insertions $1 50. Each additional insertion, 50 cents. Longer ones in proportion. rrvnnrtinn JOB PKIWTIKG, OF AIjL KINDS, j Executed in the highest style of the Arl.andonthe ILVREWOOI) U. S. A. IIOSPITAL, ) ASUlflUAi v., Jifio. 33, ) Mr. Editor. Four years ago, while the people of the North were eclcbratiug jLhe ! anniversary of the birth day of the Fath er of his country,the chivaly of the South, ; under the Administration,' and by the per- mlCGinn nP flirt llilVin! 1 r)rl riinnfiAiowf 1 T , . , i -IflTllflQ lHOh'innn TOrttr H,ic?tt -m K,i, 1. 1 r I J o i i Forts and . . . nhltinnff llfnr,na in I'.h.ivlal ton Ilarbor, and mounting guns to batter ', i ' 'there to protect that modern Babylon ,r : ::,, i, tv:i..,i. M by !:my rc:i cause or grievances, for l,.r never liave stated any grievances yet, kut, J from a fear that the time might come jwhen the' would loose the control of the Government which th cy had hitherto con-L . , . r J. - , troleu rom its loundation to the present -.i , t . n au" luuuluwu"1ii Lluli- v-,u" j jo- : eminent, iney always had the balance of power in the TJ. S. Senate, and could , . . , i dtcfcat an measare ot 1,1 harmony Wlth the interests of their peculiar institution; and if there was an aciou thestatute which . . .would give liberty to a Ured bcott, by , reason of his master's taking him, at his pleasure, into free territory, where ,accon; tQ tlQ Constitution of tIlc rj. S ' vas maue a iree man, tuey anvaysnauj If .ill'll interest?. In thc language of one of the Chie Ales H. Stephens, what have they ever demanded of thc north that was not conceded to them. Further with tjc m;Horit of tlic ccafirming'pow er in the fccnate, tliey could reject any candidate for important positions, whose views did not accord with their own with i regard to the interests of slavery. Notwithstanding they had every thing under their control, except the vetoing power in case a President was clcctctl whose views did not correspond with their own, they commenced war upon overnment that protected them, and w and hurled defiance at the constitution and the Government bequeathed to us by Washington and his compatriots ; inaug- urating a warfare and civil strife which pretentions to civilization, and lift up ho ly hands of horror, and shed crocodile tears, for the hundreds and thousands that have been slaiu in their hellish crusade against thc best Government ou earth, and profess to bo as" innocent as doves, land invoke the blessings and. wisdom , . of Almighty Uou to aid them in their mad and treasonable purpose to destroy QUr ,r00(j rjovernUient, and establish in a . , ,. p its stead an empire whose chief corner stone is human bondage. But we have ood cause to believe that he who came to i p .1 ,i , v i brake the bands of those that arc bound, raise up those that are trodden down, attempt to build up an empire or Slave ry on that of freedom. That they thought tjlC coutesfc would be a s r , ... dcQt from a Icttcr wntte short one is evi-1 . 1 ? -iT - ii. . r . ii . i " i U1U. uuuu ning of the rebellion, by that mad cap of, 3CCOmes charged with salt, potash, salt secession, Howell Cobbi of Georgia, iu pctrc, and other chemical ingredients, whose house Sherman's men found the letter In writing to Jacob Thompson, of Mississippi, he said the thri rift loving... 'vankecs would not fight long mi i XUCJ ' m . n i . 'mi'rut attempt to overwhelm tuc iaoutu !Wjth minerals aud torm oxygen, xne re !bvforcc df numbers iu a short contest verse of this process is seen in burning . ... Lincolll coua not make them ugnt long; thcplnntcr, would appropriate j thirds of their Cotton to carry on the war, ; 1(1 WILll lUUU SWilUllO WIJU .v w.. in i if lllfir. . . . , h b mcn ag ueisoimu. , : the south could put into the field, they ! could carry on thc war forever ; that one ,11. XT ll 1 ' I, ll X .I1V IU" Southerner could- whip five NorthcnersJ among th(j mQ&t iwho would run at the mere sight of cold ipersonagCs were certain wel steel. Alas I for this rebel seer. Four YCars have passed by and . .. . ... . i. his vision has 4.inri nni no i,nrn nauira uu tui; hui-- "-"f . " by thc rivers of Dixie, soapott open to sell King Cottou to all the markets ot tic world. Dveii.thc- King himself is . A.i.vA.,rl ...iu1 Ri.mlinMn.bi seat. One Northerner proves equal to any Southc'r- nnr Tlip rliriff- lnrm- Vmt-on lioa fnnrrlif j ao tumt lovinS lankCO has lOUgllt four years and will fight four years more, J ' or until the stars and stripes float in tri- lumph OVCr CVerv foot of laud, from the I ' banks of the Potomac to the Rio Grande, and the authority of a free Constitution is acknowledged and obeyed wherever the foot steps of a slave have trod. In hugging the peculiar institution too tight they have squeezed the life out of it, and millions now breathe the air of free dom for whom they were forgoing fetters to bind them still tighter to the J uggcr- O CO uaut of Slavery. One hundred thousand of the best men of the South have been sacrificed to their great Moloch iu vain. The courage of J the Chivalry is on the wane The rcmem- hrnniA of Forts Henry, Douelson and '"'"J -U.V. Icnnrl in III 7I nninli tc V inl-sluii-w Tnrf TJ , r a i ni t ' i tntir. :1 nnnhin A flonfo w v. v A'JIVUUVUIU organ , Nashville, Xuoxvillc, Gettys- bur?'". Fcirr. "f?is1ifr Cnlnmliin ClinTlfsfnn ' ' anj WQj Mmi 11 fVT A iwlArnn is a terror to them, 0! it may be to all traitors how appropriate to be able, on the anni versary of the birth day of the Father of ' i t f i i, i i it i is country, to oe aoie aiso to ceieuratc I ll. - J !! !. ( "ll - l l ll ine aowniau ox uie city oi uuaneston, tne - reat whore great wliore wno lias made drunken her nei hbori citic3 and Statcs wilh thc , , r, , ,W1 ., T whoredom of her treason. While I am writing this article, all thc Forts encir- cH th(J National 0npitol are simultane- , , .. - tl : xl 4 iUUSIJ SUUilMll- 1UIU1 111 U1U11UU1 th t , . -. , - I ' I thc fall of Charleston, and of thc Stars aud Stripes again floating in triumph o ver forts Sumpter and Moultrie. These events have been brought about not bv hting and loss of life, but bv a an of combinations invented by unassuming General at City Point who holds Gen. Lee so tightlv in the vice that he can neither stir hand or foot, while General Sherman the great Flanker who, according to a rebel Edi tor's opinion, needs no base, is traveling through Dixie lad libitum.' With the planters cry for peace, even with recon struction and without slavery, and with the Johnics deserting their ranks by hun dreds per day, wc think we have reason to hope that the long prayed for day of , peace is near at hand ; when our Govern- ment, Republican in principle and form, ! ,1t . n c ii - 1 snail emerge out of its fircy ordeal, pun- J 1 . i ficd from the curse of slavery, and shine 1 forth in the glory of its free institutions, ' the wonder and admiration of the world. I Respectfully yours, AARON FLYTB, Co. G, G7th Reg. P. V How Petroleum is Formed. The Pittsburgh Chronicle, speculating on the formation of petroleum, says : "We may set it down as an axiom that nature is not ouby capable of produciug now all articles that she has ever pro duced, but that she is and will continue to produce them until she substitutes enmnfliincr lfhffmv Tftrlmns nilr mofininrr will be better understood by applying to j a siugle article. Suppose, for instance, wc take the one in which wc all have so deep an interest petroleum. This is is as inexhaustible as thc ocean. rill,, ' other is a constituent m all vegetaoic i , One burn- The bonale a- rlying the "oil rock" is a stra tum of limestone of unknown thickness, but known to be upwards of one thousand feet in depth. Thc water falling on the two gases. These gases are primary ele- " wSii;aa nuiu jia.uF cments, indestructible and inexhaustible ; 8 lirv commenced his career as a Mc in quantity. One of them hydrogen j thodist minister near Stroudsburg in his is a oonstitucnt of water, aud of course, uativc State of Pennsylvania. He was . ,i w:n.' surface and pcrculatmg tiirougn inc po w rrtuo en n ilstmin r.lmfc underlies the oil rock and finally, readies tne limestone and decomposes it the carbon in rock the uui- .( ,i.m ,. ; 5no- in tnnn oil. Willie tne oxygen IS BUI ! !! il L !frec to ascend to thc atmosphere to unite n ' . . " - . . . i rut il m n fimn 1 lf flYVirnn 111 r. IP. J1L- un.ti - wkli the carbon .n thfl i j 'rormVn a carbonic acid and with the water-thus compie- 1 ting the circle. The question is frequent- IVaSKCU. UCil VfUl tnu uu Mwi" v-- -.ilinn5fp.fi f -j hausted f f ' ' , i Cean is, and not boforc. . . T - . I 11.. n At.. A)nnf f'l II O r dress ball in Phil conspicuous TorRnnar"es were certain wen kuwu urur -11 I I I i . P . i i .1- . ers their bodies encased in uarrjjis, n holes in the side lor their arms, decoratea with the names of prominent petroleum . . , , , i companies, and surmounted ny a ueuiui, i v certainlv ingenious as an ad t; . dic i,ut ,uust have been au inconyenieut and ungraceful dancing cos tuuie. Two Much Koney. A gentleman of this city informs us that a certain down in the Morgan county oil regions, had a tract of land which he held before the oil. excitement -broke out. at $4000. After some valuable wells had been sunk in the neighborhood, and the old man's i'dcal of the oleaginous wealth in hills began to expand, he dared to ask 20,000 for his - possessions. Soon the eastern capitalists began to come in and the farmer had to go a little higher.. It was the home of his ancestors,, a regular "family institution," which was dear to him, and he would not sell it. Bidder af ter bidder came round, and the old gen tleman thought he would frighten all a way by asking $40,000. Croesus, with all his tabulous millions, never feli more confused than the farmer did with his farm, which had been so suddenly conver ted into gold. Things continued in this condition for a few days, hen two gentlemen from New York calbd on him about the same hour of the day, representing different 9nvnTin1i 17ni ' "I'i."""" wiuiwuiua, uuu ui ilium Ul Oawniiail. l'OlC . p j I I v.- - ninnnn i n t i Annncrhnn .nn I' 1 1 f iuiuu Him uis puce, c tu,uuu. iseiore ne had time to consider the bid, the other offered 45,0(50. Resolving on some thing reckless, the old fellow put the farm up at auctipn and before night sold it for 51,500J The money was paid to him on the spot, and a more uneasy man cannot be fouiid in Morgan county. He Uras too "much imoncy. We pity him. Zanesvulc J me. Kevolniionary Pensioners. Thc House of Representatives at Wash ington has unanimously passed a bill giv ing a gratuity of 8300 a VCar to each of ! the five surviving Revolutionary pensiou ers, additional to the pension of 100 which they new receive. In January, 1S64, there were only twelve surviving, seven of whom have since died. The names of the only survivors are as follows: Lemuel Cook, enlisted in Hatfield, Mass., 98 years of age, now residing in Claren don, Orleans county, New York; Samuel Downey, enlisted in Carroll county, New Hampshire, 98 years of age, now living in Edingbarg, Saratoga county, New York ; Wm. Hutchius, enlisted in New Castle Maine, 100 years of ago, residing at Panobscot, Maine ; Alexander Moro ns, fiiilisforl nf, Ti-iL-o npnrcrn Ynrlc. i o OJ. rn nlrt rod rl 5 n cr ! at Yates, Orleans County, New York ; and James Bartham, substitute for a draf- ted man in boutliamnton county, V lrgin- r. ia, living in Missouri, in his 101st year. A Cat Dentist. A true tale is told of Mr. Slipheimcr, the famous Saxon dentist. He had a val uable tortoise-shell cat that for days did nothing but moan. Guessing the cause, he looked into his mouth, and seeing a , , . i. , c.. decayed tooth, he soon relieved it of its pailK The f0H0WinS day there were at least ten cats at his door, the day after, twenty ; and they went on increasing at such a rale that he was obliged to keep a ' bull-dog to drive them away. But noth- ing would help him. A cat that had the ; toothache would come any number of ! miles to -see him. It would come down J the chimney even, and not leave thc room : till he had taken its tooth out. It grew j to be such a nuisance at last that he was never free from one of those feline pa- ticnts. However, being one morning vc ry nervous, he accidentally broke thc jaw : of an old tabby. Thc news of this spread i like wildfire. Not a single cat ever came ' to him afterward. This is related as true. Do 'ou doubfc ? Of course not. This is written for thc Drawer' and is true : The Rev. John Brodhcad, formerly a large man, of powerful frame, and be lore nis conversion n;m uccn nuieu ior his prowess in thc athletic sports and combats then common iu that region. One da.y, while he has delivering a dis course on the banks of the Delaware, pre paratory to administering baptism, quite . i ' -i... a disturbance was raised uy some or ins old companions, more in merriment than malice, however, and they fiually, in a laughing way, made preparations lor a . mock baptism. Mr. Brodhead paused in his discourse, and addressing the disor- j derlies, said, "Look here, boys 1 1 belong j to a denomination that holds to thc pos sibility of fallina from or ace. If I should happen to lall Irom grace and 1 leei very much like it while you arc cutting your capers, some of you will catch it badly r The ringleader, a good-natured fellow of some education, sav there was trouble ahead, and after hesitating a moment, turned to the others, and said, "I say, fellows ! he s got into the ' , i 1 1 in., i i i . i vernacular we u neuer stop : inu scop they did, and the exercises were conclu ded without further interruption. . .c Professor ll. S. Quinn, of New York, who skated all the way from St. Paul,. Minnesota, left St. Paul on the 9th, and. reached Quiucy, 111, on the 28d of Jan uary, travelling the whole distance oi eight hundred and fifty miles in fourteen days, stopping on liix icay to deliver lec tures, lie found thc ice smooth and beautiful, and clear of air holes. He had a clean stretch from St. Paul to Quiney, and he bowled down thc globe, over five degrees of latitude, without meeting with an impetlicnt.- It is one of the most ex ttrdbrdinary feal3 oh' record. i n r tvt tt A Good One. A waggisb friend goods at wholesale - of ours, who sells on Shetucket street, tells the following good one : bomewhere m the outskirts of Hart-; jokers. Last summer Jcfc bought an old- -ford there is a Mission School that has ! fashioned dash chum, for the purpose o the reputation of being rather "noisy :" j manufacturing their own butter; and aj( so much so that (hose appoiutcd to take the Commodore was a widower and lived charge of it generally resign in a few l-with Joe,. all such worlif as churning na weeks. Last Sunday, the school being turally fell to him. One eve, after sup-f destitute of a superintendant. a promi-' per, the first churning was got ready, and1 nent manufacturer, Mr. S. S. Morse, of the Commodore was ifivitgd tefenurn. " the city, volunteered for the day. nav- j "Hold on," says he, tijll go down town ' ing called the school to order and .got and get some tobaclcci-. . most of them seated, "Boys' said he j He weut, and while gone John did' the mounting the nfatfroin, c.'lct's sCc if we churning, took out the butter, anl'fiy can't have it stil" and he put himself the buttermilk in the churn. X in a quiet postuvo for the school to imi- j The commodore returned, lookedat' tate. As there was yet some noise ( the churn, took off his coat, and 'saySf "boys." said he, "wc can have it stiller, 1 1 "Waral, old cliuru, it's you and I. and know'" and walking to the front part of the stage and raising his hand, "now let's sec if we can't hear a pin drop." All was silence, when a little fellow in the back part of of the room, cocking his car and placing himself in an attitude of breathless attention, spoke out, "Let Jier drop I" The stern features, of the su perintendent are said to have slightly re laxed. Norwich Bulletin. A "Hoss Car" Adventure. . Artcmus Ward is looking at things iu Boston, ne had an adventre one day, which resulted as follows : I returned in the Hoss Cars, part way. A pooty girl in spectacles sat near me, and was telliu' a young man how much he reminded her of a man she used to know in Walthani. Pooty soon the young man got out, and, smilin' in a seductive' mnnnnr T km id tn iho. o-Irl in snflrtf.if1v! "Don't I remind you of somebody you used to know i "Yes," she said, "you do reniined me of one man, but he was sent to the pen itentiary for stealin' a bar'l of mackerel he died there, so I conclood you ain,t him." I didn,t pursoo the conversation. Took His Daddy's Advice. My attention was once called to a con firmed loafer, who was thc pest of the neighborhood where he resided, and of whose boyhood a friend related to me the following circumstance : When Dick R was about eleven VGai'S Of 3gC he W3S OhC day in the field with his father and workmen. It chan ced to be in the haying season, and they were provided with a bottle of rum, ac cording to custom. After drinking a round, his father passed him the bottle, saying, "Dick, put that in the spring" meaning for him to set it in the water to keep the contents cool About an hour afterward Dick was summoned to bring the bottle. His father took a swallow, while Dick stood near with a broad grin on his face. It contained nothing but water. Turning to his mis chievous son, he exclaimed in an excited tone, "Dick ! what did you do with the li quor that was in this bottle ?" "I poured it into the spring, Sir," he replied, in a hesitating tone, fearing that he had carried thc joke too far; for he Was in hopes one of the hired men would take thc first drink. "Well, Dick," the the parent continued, with a significant flourish of his scythe rifle, "you did right : but don't ncycr do so again !" M' friend remarked that Dick bad evidently followed this advice ever since, for he had never doue anything that was right from that day to the present time. A "mean Yankee trick" was played on the rebels a few days since in front of our lines near Petersburg. With a view of relieving thc tedium of their lire in thc mud and rain, some of the pickets of thc 2d Corps procured a few fat cattle, as the most tempting baits they could offer j to Southern appetites, and, placing them upon thc outer line, hut tucmseivcs m ambush and waited patiently the result. As was anticipated, no sooner were the beeves heard to low than thc rebel pick ets, crouching in the undovhnmh. etolo cautiously toward them. They were get ting along very successfully, they thought and had almost reached the object of their hopes, when, to their dismay, they heard a laugh and a "hurrah" in their rear, and turned to find themselves cut off fro;u the main body of thoir army, and-pris-oncrs. About a hundred of these seek ers after beef were thus made game of and captured by this adroit manoeuvre. Old Rickets was a man of labor and a little or no time to devote to speculations j in thc hall every few moments, shouted' in thc future. He was, withal, rather "Loudor ! louder I" Tom stood this. for'. a' uncouth iu the use of language. One ' while ; but at last, turning gravely to'tbV (Vav while eusased in stopping hog-holes presiding officer, taid Mr. Chairman.' about his place, ho was approached by a j at the last day, when thc angel shall with; colporteur, aud presented with a tract. j his golden trumpet proclaim that 'time' "What is thi3 about?" demanded Rick- j shall be' no longer,' ! doubt not, Sir, tliat ctts. ';That. is a book describing the ce-! there will be iu that vast crowd, as now,' lestial state," was the reply. "Celestial some drunken fool from Buffalo, shout State !" said Rickets "Where the deuce ing, 'Loiulor ! louder 1" The house roared;? is thai?" "My worthy friend, I fear that Tom wont on with his speech ; but there you have not , vcn, never minu, ,iu- ,.nr ii i ii ? .. t'errupted Ricketts "1 do not want to hear aboutany better State than old Pennsylva nia. I' intend to live and dic right here, if 1 can only keep them darned hogs out." Question for a debating club Can a woman who tells fortunes be called a samcer-ess. from a teacup Why js a lieu -immortal;? illcr'sori-'ilevcr sctar. jU' -Because Tit for Tat. , Joe and Commodore Boirers. brothers." blacksmiths in Whitewater, Wisconsin have" a great Tepntation for being practical here's for ye!" and commenced his fa'por. After churning a couple of hours, he re- marked that "ho guessed it would be cheaper to buy butter than to make ifc." "I thing so too," says Joe, "if you arti' going to try to churn it out of buttermilk!" A few days after that churning pro cess, Joe put one end of a small bar 6? iron into his forge fire, gave .the bellows thrco or four pumps, and stepped into the back-shop. Whilo gone, thc Commodore' heated the iron to a black beat, then changed ends with it, stepped out of the' front door to watch progress. In came Joe, took up thc iron, but dropped it instanter, holding up his burn-; cd hand, and roared with pain. "Puff on some buttermilk, Joe it's good for a burn 1" said the Commodoro, as he made1 masterly retreat amidst a shower of bou-J quets composed of hammers, hard coal and old horse-shoes. Non-Suiting a Creditor.' There was a lawyer in Cape Cod a longr time ago, a man well to do in the world, and what was surprising, averse to incur; litigation. One day a client came to him' in a violent rage. "Look bere, Squire," said he, "that shoemaker down to Pigeon Cove has gone, and sued me for my money for a pair of boats I owed him." "Did the boots suit you V "O, yes." "Well then you owe him the money honestly ?" "Course." "Well, why don't you pay him ?" "Why, cause that snob went and suedT me and I want to keep him out of his money if 1 can." "It will cost you something' . "I don't care. How much do you want to go on with ?" "O, 10 will do." "Is that all " Well, here's an X, so' go ahead," and the client went off very well satisfied with the beginuing; Our lawyer next called on the slioems'-" ker, and asked him what ho meant by instituting legal proceedings against Mr M . "Why," said he, "I knew he was able to pay and I was determined to make him That's thc long aud short of it." "Well," said the lawyer, "he was al-, ways a good customer to you; I think you' acted too hastily. There's a trifle to pay on account of your proceedings, but I. think you had better take these 5 and4 call it square." "Certainlv, if you say so ; aud glad to' get it." ' So thc lawyer forked over a V and kept thc other. In a few days his client came along aud asked him how he got on'witbr his case. "Rapidly," replied the lawyer, "we've non-suited him 1 He'll' never trouble' us' again !" irusalcm ! that's great I I'd rather gin 850 than had him get the money for them boots !" One of thc ccnitcries in which the peo-' pie of Detroit-bury their dead is situated a short distance from thc city, with which it is connected by a plank-road. Midway there is a toll-gate. Like most other toll-" barred roads, funerals are allowed to pas' free. Tbo woll lmown Dr. 33 was re- turning from calling on a patient, arid stopped at this gate to pay his toll. Say3 tho Doctor to the gate-keeper, "You ought to pass doctors free of toll." "Ah ! no, Doctor," says the keeper,' you send too many dead Jmads through? here !" Tho Doctor paid his toll and drove on-:' A few yqnrs since the noted Tom Mar shall was delivering an address before a' large audience in Buffalo, when some one : ; ... r uu.hIa i v.uiu uu mine unua in 'uuu . o-- An Original Idea One of our good frends, iu writing:us concerning the condition of our men when they return Irom bouthcrn prisons, surgi ornsts that when exchanges arc made. ikV shouW bo by tho pound. Wc fat ourj friend thinks that by exchanging poutitt- lor pound, wc should get, on an average abour five of our menMpr ttioVebejg; Vox Popnli.'. . ' 4 31 -j t 4 December 17. iboii: ix. - ,uv' i i
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers