i i I T HE JKFFHRS MAN. - ff '"L'JULJ . . . u inn. SSSS5S5SSS??MMMiMtimiiMMBi - H-- .... ..- IDcuotcir ta JpoIiticB, Citerfttutc, Agriculture, Science iHovaliij), aub eucva. intelligence. VOL. 23. STROUDSBURG, MONROE COUNTY, PA. J iNUARY 5, 18G5, w it KO."4fc Published by Theodore Schoch. TERf3-Two dollars a year inudvance and if no iid before the end of the ycai, two dollars and fitfy cts. will be charged. N paper discontinued until all nrreaiagcs are paid, except at the option of the Editor. IE7 Advertisements of one square of (eight lines) or Un, on or three insertions $1 50. Each additional Usertivn, 50 cents. Longer ones in proportion. JOB PRINTING, OF ALL KINDS, ftiMited Ik the highest style of the Art. and on the most reason-ible terms. "BOW IS GOLD T0-DAY;?" 'There was a tf me when if we met A friend upott the street, He talked on comniou iheuics the nar, J The cold, or else the heat, And took an interest in one's health: That time has passed away, Now, no one asks how we do, But, "IIow is gold to-day ?" These words pervade the atmosphere, At.wcdding, funerals, balls, No matter where; upon your car The anxious question falls. You go to see the girl you love, 5 To drive your cares away ; You kiss, and then she sweetly says Oh ! "How is gold to day ?" If gold is up or gold is down. What sood for ujc to know ? There is no jingle in our purse, . My funds are statu quo ; Aud so I hate the cnd:ess cry, And long to soar away To lauds of peace where no one asks, Well, "How is gold to day ?" Simple Keans of Destroying Hies. To. destroy flics get a four-horse power engine, put it in the kitchen, run shaft ing in every room, connected with the engine aforesaid by belting. Ou the shafting place jly wheels, smear the wheels with molasses, anu set the engiue going. The flies being attracted by the molasses on the fly wheels, will light on them, aud the wheels revolving rapidly, they will he wheeled off. Have a boy under each wheel with a bat, and let him smite them as they fall, before they have time to recover irom tneir dizziness, a smart boy has been known to kill a3 many as fifty a day. A certain barber used to amuse his customers with his long yarns, while he went through his functions ou their heads and faces. One day an old codger came in, took a chair, and ordered his hair cut The barber went to work and began at the same time one of his long stories, to the no little dissatisfaction of the old gen tleman, who, becoming irritable at the barber, said, "Cut it short." "Yes, sir," said the barber, contiuuing the yarn, un til the old irentlenia in again ordered, "Cut it short." "Yes, sir " it short. I say : cut clipping away and gabbling the faster. "Cut it short, cut it short, I say, said the old gent. "Yes, sir," said the bar- her, going on with his story. "Will you cut it short?" bawled out the old gentle- man m a rage. "Can t, sir, said the bar- her, "for if you'll look in the glass you'll fee 1 vc cut it all off. And to his hor ror upon looking in the glass the old gen tleman found all the hair cut off from his head. - A Lazy Family. There is a family in Ycrtnont so lazy that it takes two of them to chop a a tick of wood. Siah chops while Jim grunts 1 ll nH V. nil... .A 1 .... nil I a . ! aud then for a change Siah grunts 1 Big Cradling. There wasaman out West who cradled three acres of grain in a day, and he. was pronounced a wonder, only excelled by his wife, who cradled three iufants in a night. Jtetapb.ylC An Irishman describes metaphysics as follows-: "Two men are talking together, and one of theui is trying to explain some- thine he dont know anything about, and ., h. ,. j . J . .? ' the other can t uuderbtand him. BatherTpertonal. i u i- i Mr. Camp, becoming enthusiastic, and holding out his brawny hand cried out exultingly : "Whatdoes that look like?" That V interposed Mr. Ames with a peculiar sniff of the nose, "that looks as though you were out of soap." "I am glad this tea don't owe me any thing' said an accountant at bis supper "Why bo?" inquired his wife. "Because, I don't believe it has itrength enough to settle. The females nf nnmo nf tha TnAinn tribes, in order to keep silence, fill their Jaouths with water. Our women fill theirs with tea, and talk more than ever. i "Spp here, my friend you arc drunk." 'Drunk, to be sure I am, and have been for the last three years. You see my brother and I are on the temperance mis sion. He lectures, while I set a fright ful example." Harried, at Detroit, Michigan, by Rev. Mr. Knot, Mr. Thomas Hum to Miss Ella Bug. Who will, after this, iay marriage is a Humbuz? 9 NEW YEARS ADDRESS BY THE CARRIER OP THE JEFFERSON! A IV. January 1, 1865. The morning dawns, and Sixty-four Departs from life forever-more, And Sixty-five steps on life's stage To take his share of heritage, Which to each mortal, and each year, Is bound to come with just such cheer As to each one is sure dealt out While trav'ling on life'i chequer'd route. And with the dawn of the New Year, With many wishes of good cheer, Comes "Jeemes," the humble carrier boy, His face lit up with smiles of joy, Ready, in poesy, to relate The things which happen'd in the State ; And the little home news, too, Well known -to him but not to you. Now reader travel 'long with me And you shall see what you shall see. Dead Sixty-four was born in trouble, And his whole life was hubble-bubble j Grim war stood mid-wife at his birth, ( And battle's roar e'en quak'd the earth ; I But through his days, not numb'ring few, I He many breaths of true joy drew. i As he came in so he went out, 'Mid nation's trouble, nation's pout. ; Yet Sixty-four liv'd not in vain, t ; For, mid his trouble and his pain, j Ho li ft behind a record bright J Of what was done behalf the right. ! All through the land the glorious word ! That Union heart and Union sword Had threshed the Rebs, went gaily forth And 'lectrificd the loj'al North. From Rap:dan to Richmond's base Brave Grant gave Lee a merry chase, And held him then, in clutches tight, A beaten and a bad scared wight. Farraguf, closely on the heel Of Grant, sent greeting from Mobile, Tint he the foe had conquered there And laid the way to city bare. Sherman, tno, he look'd aslant a' The Reb stronghold call'd Atlanta, tooi- jtj t00i jn spjtc 0f boast 0f a1 the seried Rebel host. Drove Hood from out his well built trenches And knocked secession off its haunches. j And then, for fun, he took a walk, To sec the folkc and have a talk, From where he showed the Rebels war To where he heard old Ocean roar. He walk'd and liv'd onbananna, And took rest in proud Savannah, Where he was met with welcome ditty And tender'd the freedom of the city. And Sherridan, too, meek, yet burly, Had his own fun with twirling" Early. Gath'ring his men for a grand rally Hc sent Rebs kitinS throu2h the valle When Shenandoah's classic shore Was e'en disturbed by canon's roar. And Thomas, down in Tennessee, Could not, in heart, be still, d'ye sec, 0n lovely plain, in tangled wood, m Q0 mugt box the ears of Ho0(I . . And heeding neither threat nor snubbing Gave Hood a most confounded drubbing. I The people seeing what our bands Of Warriors brave had ta'en in hands, ' Aud how they thresh'd the South'm devils. Thought they would try the North'rn rebels. ! Thoy stripp'd for fight with greatest speed Anjt placing Abraham in the lead, March'd forth lo meet ti,c foe. They met Thc Cops, vith hung0' stomachs set, , Marshalled, alas, and alac, By Pendleton and Gunboat Mac. ! V allandigham, he too was here, lhshrow planmpdw.t!itre.on scare; And Ben and Ferdinando Wood, At back of Val. and Mac they stood And Burr and Burnet all the throng, j From Sap-icnt John to the John De Young ' All stood there, like so many geese, ' Squawking most lustily for peace. onward ! came the word from Abe Each Urjion warrior drew his blade AnJ at Jt went . ked hcd and gullet . . , , , . . .t..nf I And thickly hurl'd the paper bullet ' . . . V, . i On eighth November glorious day, I VVhich "w th end ,of aaffray7n There did on Cops o erwhelming fall " The greatest threshing of them all. At Cops and Rebs, throughout the world. The great and glorious truth was hurl'd, That madmen could not play ihc fool On this bright part of God's footstool : That for our country and its cause There could be but one set of laws One people and one government i On liberty's widest apread intent. vrnm Maine all over wnnt the word. That never would we shield the sword Until rebellion was crush'd out ' And every leading rebel lout Whose heart was with treason callous'd Has been high and safely g.llows'd. Mad were the Cops when thus they found The people in their might were bound To crush their Rebel friends down South, And take, from out their very mouth, Their principles "the loaves and fUhes' All comfort from official dishes. They swore quite hard, and looked grum, And rais'd a devil of a hum Around the heads of all who thought That freemen of right surely ought Act well their part and, like true men, Stand by their cherish'd country when Assailed by foes, from out and in, Guilty of the black traitor's sin. E'en Parsons were not left to glide Smoothly upon Religions tide. For having dared to think, and noto The sins of men, and, may-be, vote, Their names were in the vortex dragg'd And they attempted to be gagg'd. Not. if, upon the other track, They voted for Mac-Gunboat Mac; Not if they hail'd from Jersey's night And voted where they had no right, Was this thing done. 'Twas only thoie Who dared the stubborn right to chose ; And chosing dared to maintain Their country's honor and good name: For Wood and Burr, De Young and Coswell Had found new Democratic Gospel, Which tench's that party and nut God Holds over mortals the stern rod. Adieu, kind reader, I am done And leave you now to Number One. May the New Year, just ushered in, Bring lasting peace, and stop the din Caus'd by dread war. And. may our land Again among the nation's stand Great in ils strength, in nothing hollow, A model for the world to follow; May fathers, sons and brothers come Once more to greet the happy home ; And may you, Hill your end ot days, Enjoy good health and wisdom's ways. Re kind to Jeems reward him well And peace will with you ever dwell. Adieu ! that "shinney" brightly gleams On the heart of your humble JEEMES. Financial Effeots of the War. The war for the Union was not begun to obtain any financial advantages, but on the contrary, with a clear forsight of the great financial waste and loss it would in volve. It frequently occurs, however, that where we most certainly expect loss, and loss only, some dimly un dcrstood or previously unknown law of co mpensation intervenes, which not only settles the ac count, but leaves a balance of profit to our credit. The farmers of the Western States, a large proportion of whose farms were at the commencement of the war, aud had for many years been mortgaged for half or two-thirds their value, did not expect that oue of the first effects of the war would be, by depreciating the cur rency, to reduce the value of mortgages, which called only for fixed sums in cur rency, to one-half or one-third their orig inal standard, and by raising the prices of agricultural produce to twice its form er figure, enable them, with the same crops, to pay off three or four times as much of the debt due on their farms as formerly. Neverthcles this has occurred, and every township of the West has been witnessing this gradual emancipation of its farmers from their former load of in dividual debt. While the borrowers have been thus releaved the leuders have fared equally well as a clas3. The funds which for merly sought investment ou bond and mortgage, being loaned to individuals to enable them to carry on agricultural bus iness, have largely sought five-twenties, seven thirties aud other Government se curities aud speculations, which were so many ways of loaning to the Government the funds for conducting the war. The great national debt only takes the place of si vast aggregate of individual debts which would have to exist were there no nation al debt, for all surplus capital seeks bor rowers, and every man's debt. If invest ed in improved property its returns are the rents. If put out on mortgage its return would be styled interest. If in vested in five twenties its returns are in the form of taxes and revenues. In ei ther case, however, the consumer pays the rent, interest or tax, and in the ag gregate it is probable the burden of debt is not greater now than formerly, as there has been no period in the history of our country when a given amount of labor has yielded a more adequate return in the necessaries of Inc. How a Soldier Fooled the Copperheads. The following cute trick which a Union soldier played upon the Copperheads, oc curred at the, polls at Fort Wayne, Indi ana. The soldier presented his ballot, when a noisy Copperhead challenged his vote. The Jud-cs immediately refused the ticket. "Well," said the soldier, "you see what you have lost," at the samo time unfolding his ticket, which proved to be a straight Copperhead one. This, of course, changed the thing at once ; four or five leading Copperheads inter fered and insisted on the soldier's right to vote, when the Judges reconsidered their decision and concluded he was a le gal voter. This admitted, the soldier drew from his pocket a Union ticket and voted it, much to the chagrin of the well sold Copperheads. A dandy smoking a cigar entered a menagerie, the proprietor requested him to take the weed from his mouth, "lest he should teach the other monkeys bad habits.'"' "John said a doting parent to her gormandizing son, "do you really think you can eat the whole of that pudding with impunity ?" "I don't knotf, ma," replied young hopeful, "but I guess I ean with' a firjoon." BROTHER TOM'S WIFE. BYT. S. ARTHUR. . 'If you do marry that girl, brother Tom, W'1 reconsider your hasty resolutions a I'll have nothinir to do with her. I won't uout not speaking to your sister in-law. yisit her, nor call her sister, nor speak to ! 1, f UIZl j j j . v uiuu, And Lizzie Dawton put on as outraged . Brother Tom understood his own posi and indignant an air as it was possible tlon entirelyr. He was not a man to stoop tor her to assume. 'What's the objection ?" asked Tom. in his cool way, fixing his large calm eyes upon the pretty face' of his sister, as she sat uneasily-swaying half around and back agaiu on the piano stool. 'Objection !' The young lady's cherry lip curled. 'Who is she ? What is she V 'A sweet-tempered, true hearted young woman, who will make me a good little wife. Are you not answered, sister mine?' 'A sewing girl !' said lizzie, contempt- uousjy. 'What our mother was, as I have been ' told before her marriage, answered broth- l er Tom. 'And if my eyes have not de- ' ceived me, she has been a sewing woman i ever since, or, at least ever since my re- collection of her. unruuun 01 an who were tortunute us to 'That's another thing.' said the sister! make he.r acquaintance. 'Mother was superior to her class, and has 'Marriage they say. makes or mars a risen above it.' man,' the brother overheard Lizzie once 'Suppose I answer your objections to saJ5n m an undertone to a lady friend. Harriet, and say that she is superior to 'But 11 wil1 not mar t,le fortune of broth her class, and will rise above it? What er. Tom- He's "ot Just tlle wi,e t0 help then ? My father made a good uiatrimo- M1" along iu the world ; and one that nial venture, and I may do the same.' rat:e any positiou to which they may But why, brother Tom,' urged the sis- nse" ter, 'don't you choose a wife from among M' 0wD sentiments exactly, pretty,' those on your own level V sPoke our brother Tom. 'She's a jewel,' 'What do you mean by those on your and wortn a thousand of ycur paste and own level? Let us understand each oth- tinsel men. I told you so. But you er , couldn't believe me. Now, if you'll go 'Erom among those who move in our and apprentice yourself to a dress maker. own circle. From the educated, refiued and accomplished." "Such as the Misses Walton, for in- stance. 'Yes; or the Misses Edon.' Whose fathers support them in idle- ness and expect the young men who mar - ry them to do the same. Now Lizzie, the fact of the business is, I like Mary Eden J very well, and once came so near falling! in love with her, that was really fright-: ened. I did not go near her pretty face ! again for six months after I felt the first movement of the tender passion.' 'Dear Mary ! 0 Tom ! why not marry her ? I could love her as my own sister.' 'Can't afford it, pretty. I'm but a poor young man, and have only my talents and industry to help me forward in the world. Mary can't doanything herself, and would expect me to put her in an establishment but little less costly thau the one her fath er owns.' 'Oh, but, Tom there'll bo no necessity for to go to housekeeping at first Aud then you know, her father is well off in the world, and he'll give her a house, and furnish it, no doubt, when she is maried ' But Tom shook his head. 'Mary Eden's father may or may not be rich,' he replied. 'My own private o pinion is. that he is living up to, if not a little beyond his income. And as to the house and furniture which Mary's hus band is going to get, that is something very fine to feed a fancy upon. The real bricks and mortar' is another affair.' 'Oh, but Mr. Eden's rich, Tom.' 'The rich men of to-day are our poor men of to-morrow, Lizzie. I wouldu't give the snap of a finger for a rich father-in-law as a depeudence. I mean to trust in myself, an honest purpose and a clear conscience. Aud as tor a wife, I want a woman with life, purpose, industry and independence in her, not a great bundle of silks, laces, bonnets and curl papers, with a pretty little helpless do-nothing doll, hidden somewhere inside of the crin oline circumvallation. And then, again, Lizzie, I am something of an independ ent young man, wonderfully given to the work of taking care of mys'elf. I happen to be at the bottom of the ladder, and if I ever get to the top of it my own strength ' will carry mo there. Now, a wife on my back, instead of on the rouuds of a lad der, keepiugstep with me upwards, would , be a dead weight, and koep meat or near the foot forever. No, no, pretty, I canuot rirl who knows something of real life a true, good, patient, enduring, self deny ing, sweet, darling little body, who is not die. And I can tell you what, Dolly, it i R ,:oi.n,i i,.,,.,i; I., preai'hed a sermnii on autumn, wherein afford one of your uuished boardmg-scliool, ' - .... ' ... misses for a wife-the luxury is to expen I he J' I'1'11 10 ,e 7",u'l' re;-al ,or" sive for me. So I am going to marry u i csts- , " Vf ,1,s hearers objecteu oi, tho only wish you were like Harriet Parker;! o there would be forty chances in favor of The ropetrick of the Dovcnport broth your marrying a man of sense to those em is an old'thing according to the King you have now. Don't you know that a of Oude. who says that iu India it used now society has been formed among young to be performed in this la.-hion : The per men, aud that some of the very best former was lied neck and Icetand put in 'catches' among them have signed a pledge to a sack, the mouth of which was caro not to marry a girl who is uot willing to fully secured ; he was then thrown into commence matrimonial life with two deep water, from which he emerged rooms and a kitchen, and who doesn't swimming, free Irom both ropes and sack, know how to bake, cook and sew, and to A London paper urges subjecting the wash and iron in the bargain? I am the Davemport brothers to this test. President.' ! 'Preposterous !' exclaimed Lizzie ' "You say," fluid the Judge, to a Gcr ' You'll cry some other word when you man who was tried lor bigamy, "the get on the old maids' list, and see your clergyman who married you to your first place filled in the home of some ami that wife authorized you to take 312ueen is a man by a woman who was notasham- What do you mean by that I ed of useful employment when she was a "Veil, said Huns, "he dold me that I girl. I can tell you what, my dainty lit- should have four petter, four vorser, four tie sister, there's a reform at work, aud richer, and four poorer, aud m our coun men worth having are beginning to chooe try four dimes four make sixteen. betweeu no marriage or marriage with ; ' - . girls of plainer notions and more useful "Does the razor tako hold well m accomplishments than are possessed by quired a darkey, who was shaving a gen the butterflies who lounge ou sofas all day, tleman from the country. leSi rc knittin" zephyr or reading novels. So plied the customer, with tears in ms make up your mind to a reform or old eyes; "it takes hold first rate, but it don t mjddism. And now, as in all probability let go worth a ceut." you understand that I am in earnest si bout marrying Harriet Parker, I hone vou -ne 'oss 'et e tell you, will be all on vrmr nvtrri aifli ' ueiuw nimseu in marrying. He could nofc unite ninelf with one who was igno- rant an( unrefined against that hia gen- er,)usly cultivated soul would have revol- -ut ie wanted a real, not au artifi- cia woman one who could tako her Pace beside him, as he said on the lowest rfmn,l pf fortune's ladder, and keep step w'tu nj,n upward. Such a one he had foud in Harriet Parker, and he was in- depended enough to make her his wife. zq soon discovered, after brother Tm actually got married and com men cod housekeeping in two rooms, with his mod- est' cheerful, earnest minded wife, that ner u.ew sis.?er "ad about her 3omethiug tnat inseusibly won the love, commanded t,,e respect and almost extorted the ad- or nniiiner, or learn to do any useful work useful not simply ornamental I mean, I will recommend you to the new i-riesiueni oi me society x ioiu you aoouc, I had to resin when I got married. He's a sP!endid specimen, and will make a hus- iUJUU "Ull,,j' U1 4uecu- The voters of Lyons, N. Y., on election day were astonished by the appearance of a young lady at the polls. She came with her father, a very infirm old man, to see that he was not imposed upon by the vote distributors. The vote was of ur-e for the Ur i n an i lates. and h j pa j tnotic public ma.le up a complimentary purse for the patriotic young lady. It has been truthfully said that the voice of the people was never more un mistakably the voice of God than in the recent election. It was in this faith that a clergymen of Middletown, Conn., at a recent torchlight display, exhibited a. transparency over his door, with a quota tion from Genesis xxii, 15 "The angel of the Lord called unto Abraham out of Heavcu a second time," An amusing fact occurred in New York on the visit of General Grant to that city recently. He took a hack to conduct him to his hotel. The driver, after depositing tho Geueral, gave his friends the following toast: "Here's to meself, Denuis Couuelly, the biggest man in Ameriky but one. I've driven the Lieuteuant-General of the United States, and its more than Bobby Lee ever did' A good story is told of an officer in the American army, during the war of 1812-14-, who was still more accustomed to the use of the sword than the pen. While stationed on the lake frontier, two of his soldiers, brothers, by the name of Kennedy, and usually called Kannada, deserted. Tho officer of whom we are speaking wrote an order, and issued it to a subaltern, to take a file of men and proceed to a place named, and take the two Canadas. The order was peremptory and not to be trifled with. The officer looked at his instructions and prepared to obey them, but remarked that he did not believe he could take more than one of the provinces without a reinforcement. One of our best clergymen last Sunday Aii explanation Was asked. "Why," said he. "didn't he say 'Pomp of the tor est, and isn't that ni'"or in the woods, H1 d 1,kc tu kuuw' niuuiiu miul iii was an aooiiiiuii mscuuisu. 1 Worth Living For. "When -from my room I chunced to1 stray, to spend an hour at close of day, 1 ever find the place most dear, where some friend treats to lager beer. Sacra mento Age. "Ah I ye3, my friend, of city life, sure such a treat cures such a strife, but better than such dose by far, are pleasures of a fine cigar. Placer Herald. "Such pleasures may suit baser minds, but with the good uo favor finds; we think the purest joy of life, is making loTe to one's own wife.- Volcano Ledger. "Most wise y;ur choice, my worthy friend, in Hymen's joys your cares to end, but we, though tired of single life, can't boast of having oar own wife; and so, when 'neath our cares we faint, we .fly to kiss some gal that ain't yet. Napa Reporter. "The 'lager beer' will bile provoke, while fine Havanas' end in smoke. To court one's wife is better far than lager beer or vile cigar. Kisses, the dew of love's young morn, break on the lips as .oon as borne. These all are naught to that great joy the first glance at your first horu boy ! Evening Ledger. " "lis true, a boy's a wished-for bless ing but then suppose the first a girl V A daar sweet child with waves caressing, with ponting lips and flaxen curl, with dimple cheeks and laughiug eye, to come and bid 'papa' good-bye ! So whether boy or whether t'other, embrace the babe and theu the mother. San Francitco Globe. "To Persons About to Marry." There is something ominous in the custom described in the following extract: i "The manner of advertising for a bua baod in Java is by placing a' a empty flower-pot on the portico roof, which is as much as to say, 'A young lady is in the uouse. ttusoand wanted. That, says a morose bachelor of our ao-. quaintance is as uitich as to say that when a man. marries he goes to pot. A rich man made his will, leaving all he had to a company of fellotv-citizens to dispose of, but reserving to his right heir "such a portion as pleased them." The heir having sued the company for his share of the property, the judge inquired whether they wished to carry out the will of the testator, and if no, what provision they proposed making for the heir? "He ahull haVe a tenth part," said they, "aud we will retaiu for ourselves the oth er nine." "Take, then," said the judge, "the tenth part to yourselves, and leave the rest to the heir ; for by the will he is to have what partpleaseth you." A Dutchman and his intended appeared befero a newly-installed Dutch squire to be married. Bidding them join hands, tho squire began : "Hans, dosh you lofe this woman so mootch as you can ?" "Yaw," replied Hans. "Katerine, dosh you lofe Hans so mootch as you can ?" "No." promptly replied Katerine. "Dosh you lofe him enuff to marry him ?" "Yaw," replied Katerine. "Veil, den, 1 bronounce you man and womans." Hans asked the charge. "Oh ! nothing, nothing," replied the squire, if you ish satisfied I ish too." am 0- Tommy, my son, what are you going.to do with that club ?" 'Send it to the editor of course.' 'But what are you going to send it to the editor lor ?' Cause he says if anybody will send him a club, he'll aeud them a copy of his paper.' Tho mother came pretty near fainting, but retained coifseidusoe'ss enough to ask, 'But, Tommy dear, what do you sup pose he wants of a club?' Well, 1 don t know,' replid the hope ful urchin, 'unless it's to knock down sub scribers as don't pay for their paper.' The following advertisoment appears under the head of a "Wife Wanted' in an Arkansas paper : "Any gal what's got a bed, coffee pot, skillet, knows how to cut out britches, cau make a huntin' shirt, and kuows how to take care of children, can have my services until dea h parts both of us." "That's a pretty bird Grandma." said a little boy. "Yes;" replied the old dauio, "and ho never cries. 'That's because he's ncvor washed 1" rejoined youngster. The story goes that, when things were working so badly in the Shenandoah Valley, Secretory Stanton applied to Gon. Grant for a remedy. "Send me," saya the Secretary, "the very best man you have got in the army. Grant replied by sending Phil Sheridad. saying, "There isn't much of him, but he's the man you want." It is said that the Secretary look ed somewhat askance at the slight and youthiul figure stauding before him ; but he set hiui at work, and now he is con vinced that Grant knew his man. "For the want of water I am forced?ta drink water; if I had water, I wouhT' drink, wiue." This speech is a riddle, and here is the solution. It was tho complaint of an Italian vineyard man, af ter a long drought and an extremely hot summer, that had parched up all hU grapes. I
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers