t
C I'll
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VOL 1.
RIDOWAYi PA., SEPTEMBER !34, 1870.
NO 40.
IIUS
PUBLISHED WEEKLY,
j i e it . r r r tj .
Hates of Advertising.
Adi".'r nnil Ex'rs notices, eao, 6 limes, 15 8 00
Auditor's notices, each,'...."..... ;1 Oft
Cau'ions' and Kslrays cacli, 3 limns.... 8 00
Transient Advertising per sure of 8 lines
or less 8 times, or less 2 Of)
For ench subsequent, insertion 50
Official advertising for each square of 8
liner or less i times or less 2 00
For each subsequent, insertion fi'l
Professional cards, o liner, 1 yr 0 (10
Ijonl notices, jier lins. one time 15
DMtunry notices, over 6 lines 10
Vearly Advertising, one-half column 60 00
f parly Advertising, ouecoiiunn iuu u"
Wanks, single quire
Planks, three quire -
Ulnnlts, ti quires , per quire 1
Tilnnks. over ti Quires pur quire 1
10
00
50
for hunk notes, suhpoeuns, summons, ex
ecutions, warrants, nonstable sales,
road and school ordors. each per doz...2"
Handbills, eight sheet 2-' or less 1 M
fourth sheet 2-lorless 2 'VI
" half sheet -'" or less 4 10
' whole seel 25 orlcs 00
Over 25 of each of above al prop urtionale laies.
(th Ofountg girertorLn.
COUNTY OFFICKKS.
President Judge S. P. Johnson.
Additional Law Judge lion. J ho. P.
inccnt.
Associate Judges E. C. Sehulfze,
Jesse Kyler.
District Attorney J. K. P. Hull.
Sheriff Jacob MoOauley.
1'rothonotary Ac., Fred. ?c!icctiirg.
Treasurer Claudius V. Oilii:-.
Co. SupiTiutetulciit !t:if-.n Lucore.
Commissioners II. Warner, Jos. W.
Taylor, Louis Vollm-r.
Auditors Clark Wilcox, Oorge I
Messenger, and Joseph WilhMin.
County Surveyor (Jeo. Waltnsh-y.
Jury Commissioners. Gcorjje Lickiusn.
rind Horace Little.
TIME OF HOLWSfSOUKT.
Second Monday in latiuary.
Last Monday in April.
Virst Mouday in uru?t.
First Monday in November.
RAILROADS-
PHIL AD LTHIA & KlIE E.V.LSOAOJ.
EOIMEll TIME TAW.E
N and after MO.N'D.VV. MAV M.li, i:-7!.
) the trains on the Philadelphia it En.'
Kailroud will run us tallows :
V. KS TWA II il.
Train leaves Piiil. i. leliiliia 10 20 p. in.
i;;
il'jwav
i.
p. in.
" " Rrrive at Ei ie
Krie Exp leaves Philadelphia
" " llidi.Mr.iy
" arrive at I'.i-i'?
y stwaiii).
Mail Train leaves Erie
" " P.iil'v.ay. .......
" " arrive at I'll 1 id'a
i".' 'u' Express leave.: i;.te
' " " t'-l-way
" nr-at . ' ., . r i-'. ' '
,..lt " a. iii
.. 2 0 1 a. iv
..11 2J
i.i
i;.-ll a
0 nil p
1.20 ii
.:o r
Exnr'ess. Miil a id A'scur.! inod'ninn. ki and
e. e?i. coiineel at Corry"'"' all wottl l'l.'iia 1
!: id s i.ud Mad eeoii:miiJ uiuii east at lr:n
I'. i i.!i i he Oil Creek aud Ailiheny li.ver
K..il Hoad.
V.'M. A. UALI'UIV.
ti( n'l Sup't.
LLEOflENV VAlLEi it A I L P.OAU.
" ilie only direct lou'e to Piitsle.ivtj
WITHOUT CHANGE OF CARS
from Oil City.
)u and after M
Jay Nov. 22J 1300, trains
Trill run as follows ;
G.1XO 80UTII
l)ay Express leave " Oil City al 10.30 a. in.
Arriving at Pillslmtg at 1.!!u p. ni.
"iL'!it E.prrs leaves Oil Ciiy at O. '.O p. in.
Arriving at Piitshurg at, 7.00 a. n.
Kit'auni: g Acc. leaves 1'iiilenton (i,l p. Hi'
Arriviving at Kittanning H.Oil p. in.
Mixed Way leaves Oil City at 7, 01 a. ni.
Alliviug al West Penii Junction at .7,05 p. m.
GOING NORTH.
Day Express leaves Pittsburg al 7,1 "i a. in.
.Arriving at Oil Ciiy at , 1 , 0 1 p. m.
"Night Express leaved Pittsburg at cUJ p. in.
Arriving at tin Lily at ti.tiilu ni.
Parker Aec. leaves Kittanuing 7. .On. m.
Arriving at Parker !l,.ri.) a. in.
Mixct Way leave West Tenn Juno, at 7,00 a. in.
Arriving at Oil City at 0,00 p. in.
Connections nt Corry und Irvine'uu fur Oil
City and Pittsburg. At Frunkliu wilh Jaires
town mid Eraunlin K. It. Couueciioiis w;!li
M'est, Peun, K. K. ul West l'eua J unci ion for
Blai rsvilie and all points on tun niuiii line of
the Pennsylvania H. P..
JtejjgT'-Silver Palace Sleeping Cars" mi nil
Night Trains both ways from l'ilisbigb to
Corry.
J. J. LAWHESCB. OenarulSupt.
Tuos. M. Kiku, Asst. Supt,
B
OOK AGENTS WANTED FOR
Struggle uud Triamphsof
Written by hira'-ulf. In one larpe octavo vol
lime nearly 800 pngea primed in English
and German. 3 full page engravings. It em
braces forty year recolleotiou of his busy life,
as a merchant, manager, banker, leelui tr and
. ghowwan. 'o book published so acui pubic to
all classes. ' Every one want il. Agents aver
age from 50 to luO tubtciiliei a wecli. We
olfer extra iuduceiaents. Illustrated catalogue
aud terms to aget':is sent five.
J. ii. ELI Kit ol CO., Publishers,
8 Hartford, Conn.
rOBWOitK of all LiuJs aud tlebcri
. J dona ut this office. .' '
BUSINESS CARDS.
J. S. BORDWELL, M. D.
ECLECTIC FIBYSICiaA"
rHhe word eclectio means to choose or so.
I led medicines from nil the different
scliools of medicine ; using remedies that are
saTe, and discarding from practice all medi
c'nci that have an iinjurions ctl'ect on the sys
tem, such as mercury, antimony, lead, cop
per. &c.
I Iny aside the lnncn the old Woodletter,
reJucer or dep'cter, and equalize the circula.
tion nud restore the system to its natural
Elate by nlteiutives and tonics. I shall hc-c-a.'itr
give particular at lent ion to chronio d's-lasc-i.
such as Rlieumat'.sm, Dyspepsia, Liver
rnitipliiiiit, Catarrh, Nc ira'gia, diseases of tlie
i 'M oat, urinary organs, id all uiseases pecu
l.ar to females, &c.
CAr.VllKH llrent with new instrument of
a 1 hp invention which euresevery case.
TI-.iCTII fjciracted wiihout pain.
()!hce nnd residence South of the jail on
Cen re St. Office hours from 7 to 8 a. J m 12
to 1 p. m : fi to 7 p. m.
Dec. 2107. -1y. J. S. BORDWELL;
J
OI1NG. HALL, Attorney nt lew. Ri.lg-
way. Elk Cuiinty Pa. marJ to y
JO. IN U. 11AI.I...
...JAS. K. i. HALL.
BllO.
IT ALi
Attorney? -nt
Si. MAK1:
EEN'ZINGER P. O. EI Iv COUNTY, TA.
September 20, LS(io ly.
TS. Ilordwell, M. I. Eclectic Physician
. Ollice and rendrnce opposite the
Jail, on Centre St., Kidpwny. Pa. Prompt at -t
'.-ntimi will be given to all calls. Ollice hours ;
7 to 8 A. M- : 12 to 2 P. M. ; and ti to 7 P. M.
Mar. 22, fi'. if.
T? 1 1 A N K r.T NT HOUSE,
St. Mmiy's. Pa.
I.AROEV & M.M.OXE. Pi: rn's.
The proprietor respe.Ti fully ask the intention
a'.' ilicir frit mis und ihe . 1 1 ! i o in general to
: 10". r large r.nd coiiiir.o tinits hotel. J!very
alteuiiou paid to the convenience of guests.
II. LAHljEV.'
ay".0 -1-G.vly J, A. .uALONE.
Mapi.i:
Pane
API.1X Kettles. TIrass Kettles, Porclenn
nee runs, li'eiioa linen llltee rani.
Imii i O'in'i the cheapest and li-st. at W. 8.
SElt VICE'S, Hardware ;Storc. I'idj.nvay.l'a.
f yl)E IiOESE,
XX P'l.owAV, Ei.k Co., Pa.
W. IT. FCIIRAM, Propri.-tor.
Th-'iikful for Ihe pairompe heretofore- so
l-' i-r illy besiowcd tipnn him, the new iro
"''ii.r, hopes, by p.iyimr strict nltenllon
in I in: cemfort and convrnieuue of guests, to
nii'iit. n roiitinuaace of the same.
Oct ,",0 ItiOO.
T
AHAVER IIOCS,
KIUGAVAV, PA.
l'.-YIU Til Ml. It, rrr.pneinr.
The underr.iane 1 liavir; tvti 1 up a large
iim! eoiumiidioiis hotel nn tl.e so:it!.wes:
corner of Centre and Mill sp elts, with pood
and cotiveuienl s'"h!ina atinehed, respect
fully soiieils the patr-iuag's of Lis oldfiieiidj
and the put lie generally.
decl:i'Oiilj DAVID TII.VTER.
fTEKSEV IIOCSE,
Jl C'LXT.,tviL;E, Elk Co., Va.
J'jIIX Colun.s, riop-.i. tnr.
'f !:m";;"ul fcr tha patronise h-reSjIire so
l.bei.illy boK.wol upou hin, the new pro
p.icior. Ii'-pes, by paying slrict attenlieu to
l:i conif irt aid convenience of guests, to
merit ,u utiiiu.iucc of the bauio.
vlir.dly.
JOUTOX IlUl'St',
lull I C PA-
JJ. V. Huore. (J'ttr of ihe JjJe Eou&r)
J'l Oji i'i tar.
Open Iuy unci Night-
n:;otf.
1 H. VOLK. Manufacturer and Iea!er
a
in l.npir Beer, opposite the RailruuJ
l): poi. t. Mary's, Elk county Pa.
Mir-22'(il5-l .
1 NVEI.OPE3. I, A I! EES & TAGS neatly
! printed k t iho Advocate Oilicc.
I WAS cured of Deafness and Catarrh bya
simple remedy, and will send'ir.e receipt
Inc. MUS. M. C. LECGETT,
Iw Jloboken, N. J.
D
a C. II. FULLER,
BOTANIC PHYSICIAN',
P.itJowAV, Pa.
Residence and oGico opposita tha Thayer
llviuso.
HEXKV
Kidgi
SOUIHEU,
Attorney-nt-Law
(ftb2VC8)f
way, l"a.
J D. PAUSOSS,
JIauufacturer and Dealer iu Boots & Shoes,
Main St., opposite Hotel,
nov27y WiLaos, Pa.
JOAUWXa HOUSE,
JSear the Depot, Hilcox, Pa.
The undersigned has opened a large boardirg
horse at the above place, where ho is amply
prepared to sutisfy the wants of those who may
uvorhiiu u ith their custom. novuU20,
JIAUTIN SOWERS, Proprietor.
J
A CO 11 YOUNG & CO ,
Book Cinders And
lilank Evok Manufacturers, Wright's Iilk
Curry
Pa
liluuk Cocks Made to Order.
B
LANES of all
tic j.
kinds for sale at this
GEORGE WALKEK, Boot and Shoe Maker,
Main street, Uidgwuy, P.
oaASfDrATnsxs sarlhto.
Grandfather is past ninety' and littlo May but
four ;
Vet they love to sit together beside the cottage
door;
And as the old man dances his darling on bis
knee,
He tells her of the far back time when he was
young as Bhe.
Those long and rumbling stories May oft be
fore has heard,
Hut she listens with wide-open ears to every
well-known word i
And in her niiudshe wanders if he remembers
too,
The men who lived in Noah's irk, when the old
world was new.
Grandfather's hair is scanty, and white as driv
en snow,
While May's rich curls are golden, kissed by
sun's warm glow ;
Cut as the ycun head nestles fondly against
the old,
V'ou reo the mnlight blending the silver and
the gold.
Grandfather is not book lcnrncd. but from his
early youth,
lie lias f triven to walk Heavenward, and loved
the way of truth ;
And now he clasps his dulling as the day ic
getting dim,
And both together murmer a simple evening
hymn ;
His stalwart sons come round him all well ad
vanced in years
And tell hin how the. world goes on, with nil
its hot e3 and fears :
Hut from their modern gossip he turns away
to hear,
The childish prattle lit t e May is whispoiing
in liiy ear.
Folk.) call the old man childish it may be
even so
His heart is line a little chili's, and this we
love to Vnow ;
And somewhere il is written that not the wise
tilone,
But those who live in c'lilJ-likc faith, our Fath
er calls II is own.
Grandfather is past ninety, nr.d little may but
four,
So they will ndt sit together lbng before that
cottage door j
But we know when the old man from earth is
called away,
Ilis Gud and hers, will 6till protect his darling
little May.
C"
elect Siliiiceilnnrr.
(7
tus t::t savings 3ans.
Charles Lynford ws a younp; tuechanic
in pood business. At tlie uge of twenty-bis
lieLad takuu to himself a wife, Caroline
f...., , i. r ,i .
jjiiMis, ir.e uaunter oi a neighbor, who
had nothing to brin him but her own per
sonal lunitri, which were many, and habits
of thrift, learned in an eeouomieal hou.se-
holJ, nudi-r the stern teaching of necessity
It was well pci'iaps, that Charles l.yn
Ljrd should obtain a wife of this character,
s-inec he Limst'lt lound if d'oTieult to save
anything froin his incotae.
Il was not lon beiora Caroline became
aeij'tiutod with her husband's failings. She
eould not feel ijuite easy in the ktowled-re
that they were living fully up to their in
come, foreseeing that a time would come
when the family would :row nidre expen
sive aud perhaps her husband's business,
now flourichiiijj, iniht become less so.
Accordingly one day she purchased of a
peddler, who came to the dcor, a little tin
safe, buch us children frequently used for
a saviuirH bank. This she placed conspiculy
on the liiantlc-picce, so that her husbaud
miht be sure to see it on entering.
'Hello, Carrie, what's that?' ho aked
curiously.
Only a little purchase I made to day,'
said his wife.
'But what is it meant for?' he asked
aaiu.
Let me illustrate said hin wife plnylui
ly. 'Have you a teu ccut pu.ee about you ?'
Charles drew a dime from his waist coat
pocket. His wife taking it from his hand,
dropped it into the bos through a little slit
in the top.
Charles laughed.
'So you have takeu to hoarding, Carrie ?
My little wife become a miser ?'
'No, only a little prudent. But seriously
J Charles that's what I want you to do every
uigUt.'
'What, drop a dime into this uew fangled
arrrangemeu'. of yours?'
Exactly.'
'Very well, that will to easy enough.
A dime a day is not a great suaj. But may
I know what you are going to do with this
commenced hoard V
'Lay it up for a rainy day,' Caroline, ansr
wered.
Charles laughed merrily. . J
And what will a dime a duy amount to V
he inquired.
.'In a year it will amount to' commenced
his wife seriously.
'Oh, never siiind spare me the calcula
tion 1 It sounds to much like busiuess, and
I get enough of that during the day".'
'But j-ou do not object to my plan?'
iNotiu the least. I have no doubt it is
highly commeudable ; but then you know
Carrie, I never was gilted with much pra
ucnee.'
'I am awate of that,' said his wife smiling-
This ended the conversation for a time.
Tlio plan inaugurated by the young wife
was steadily carried out. She was not one
of those, of whom there are so many, who
cuter upou a new plan zealously, but soon
tire of it. Tn the present case she was thor
oughly satisfied of the wisdom of her pur
pose and resolved to carry it through.
Every morning she called upon her hus
band for a dime, which was foithwith added
to the accumulation.
Frequently he had not the exact change
but would toss her twenty-five cents instead.
She would assure him laughingly, that this
would answer, her purpose equally as well.
Jlore than oneo Charles would banter her
on the subject of her savings bank, but
these she bore gaily. But these were not
the only accessions the fund received. IJcr
husband had early arranged to uiake auiple
allowance for dress I say ample, though I
dare say some of uiy readers might not con
sider it so j but Caroline who was in the
habit of making up her own dresses pro
vided herself with a good wardrobe at a
much less expense than some not as well
in the science of tuaunvins, could "have
nc.
After considerable calculation she came
to the conclusion, that out of her daily al
lowance she could he able to make a daily
deposit equal to that she exacted from her
husband. Of this however sho thought it
best on tho whole, not to inform Charles,
enjoying in anticipation, the prospect of
being able, at some future time, to suprise
him with the unexpected amount of her
rings.'
At the close of every mouth the tin box
was emptied, and the contents transferred
to a savings hank of more pretensions, where
interest would allowed. When the jfura de
posited there becamo largo enough, Mrs.
Lynford, who had Doutiderable business ca
pacity, withdrew them and invested in bunk
and other stocks which would yield a larger
per cent. Of her mode if mauagement her
husband remaiued in complete ignorance.
Nor did he ever express any desire to be
made, acquainted with his wife's manage
ment, lie was an easy careless fellow, spend
ing as he went, enjoying tho prcseut and
cot feeling any concern for the future.
At the end of eight years, during which
he had been usually favored in health, his
books showed that ho had not exceeded his
income, but that, on the other hand, he had
not saved anything. Tweuty-live dents aloue
stood to his eredit.
'Iiunuing pretty close, Carrie,' he said
laughingly ; 'I take credit to myself of keep
ing on the right s;t'o of the lino. But then
I suppose you have saved up an immense
amount.'
'How much do you fLiuk?' asked his
wife.
'Oh, perhaps a hundred dollars,' said
Charles carelessly, 'though it would take a
good many dimes to do that.'
His wife smiled, but did not volunteer fo
eulighteu Lim as to the correctness of his
conjecture.
So things weut on till at length came the
panic of 1850 a puuio so recent that it
will be remembered by many readers of this
ketch. It wilt be remembered how uni
versally business and trade were depressed
ut this period among others the trade
which occupied Charles Lynford suffered.
I One evcuing lie came home looking quite
serious an expression that seldom came
over his cheerful face.
Caroline, who hul watched the signs of
the times, was not unprepared to Hte this.
She had experienced that her husband's
business wo'jld be affected.
What's the matter, Charles ?' she asked
cheerfully.
'The matter iswe shall have to econo
mize greatly.'
'Anything unfavorable turned up in
business matters.'
'I should thiuk thera had. I shall have
but half a days work for some time to come,
and I am afraid that even this will fail be
fore lonsr. You have no idea, Carrie, how
dull business of every kind Las become.'
'I think I have said hie wife quietly, '1
I have read the paper carefully and have
been looking out for something of this
kind.
'I think we shall be able to do so. Both
of us are well supplied with clothing and
Bhall not need any for a year at least, that
will cut off considerable expense j then
there are many superfluities you are accus
tomed to buy little things you are kind
enough to bring homo to me frequently,
which we do very .well without. Then we
can live more plainly have less pies and
cakes, and I have no doubt it will bo an
improvement so far as our health is con
cerned.'
'What a calculator you are, Carrie," said
tier husband leeltng
considerably easier in mind. "I really
think after all you have caid, that it wou't
be so hard to live on half of our usual in
come for the prc9eut at least. 'But,' and
his countenance again changed, suppose my
work should cutiruly fail I suppose that
you couldn't reducs our' expenses to noth
ing at all could you ?'
'That certainly surpasses my powers,'
said his wife, smiling, 'but even iu that
case there is no ground for discouragement.
You have not forgotton our savings bank,
have you,'
'Why no, I didn't thiuk of that,' said her
husband. 'I suppose that would keep off
starvation for a lew weeks.'
His wife smiled,
'And in those weeks,' she ' added, 'bus
iness might revive.' ' '
'To Le sure,' added her husband. 'Well
I guess it'll be all right I'll not trouble
myself about it.'
The apprehension to which Charles Lyn
ford had given expression proved to be on
ly too well founded. Iu less than a month
from the date of the conversation just re
corded, tho limited supply of work which
he had bcea able to secure entirely failed,
and he found himself without work of any
kind thrown upon his own resources.
Although he had anticipated this, it
seemed nuexpeted when it actually came
upon him, and he agaio returned home in a
fit of disappointment. He briefly explained
to his wife the new calamity which had
coume upon him. 'And tha worst of it is,
there is no hope of better times until
spring,'
'Do you thiuk business will revive then?'
asked his wife.
'It mutt by that time; but there are
Eve or six monthis between. I don't know
how wo are to live during that time.'
'I do,' said his wife quietly. .
You !' exclaimeed her husbaud in sur
prise. 'Yes ; your income has never becu more-
thaa six or seven hundrel -dollars, and I've
no doubt we can live six months on two
hundred and fifty.
'Yes certainly ; but where is that money
to come trom f 1 Uou t waut to go into
debt and if I did I shouldn't know where
to burrow.'
'l-'ottunately there is no need of borrow
ing, said Mrs. J.yntord. 'lou seem to
forget our savings bank.'
'B.ut is it possible, it cannot amount to
two hundred and fifty dollars ?' exclaimed
Charles in surprise. ,
'Yes, and six hupdred more,' said his
wife.
'Imppossible 1'
'Wait a minute and I will prove it.' .
Caroline withdrew a moment and then re
oppcared with several certificates of bank
and railroad shares, amounting to eight
hundred dollars, and a bank book in which
the balance of the money was deposited to
her credit.
'Are you quite sure you haven't had a
legacy ?' demanded Charles, in Bmatement.
'Surely a dime a day haj not produced
fliis V
'No j but two dimes a day has, with a
little extra deposit now and then. I think
Charles, we shall be able to wird off star
vation for a time.' '
Charles Lynford remained out of em
ployment for some months, but in spring as
he had autic'pated, busiuess revived, and
he was once more iu receipt of his old in
come. More thau two thirds of the fund
was left, and henseforth Charles was uo
less assiduous thaa hit wife ia striving to
iucreaso it.
The little tin savings haul still receives
a daily deposit.
Ad Iowa boy of filty-five has had bis
prospects ruioed by being seduced into
matrimony by a gushing widow, of 14G.
The parents of both parties are mad as bkios
about it, because they didu't wait uatill
they knew more about , the natural conse
quence of matrimony.
, CLIPPINGS.
A little girl was heard to wish the other
day "that she was a boy o she could swear
when sho dropped her books ia the mud."
The man who got wise eating sage
cheese lias a brother who proposes to be
come skillful in the fashionable dances by
dieting on hops.
The laundry bills of some of the young
Indies at Saratoga are $100 a week. Nine
tenths of such crcaturos are in training for
'old maids,' or for lives of married misery.
The oniy livery cap is the night oap
says a clever and witty author is the
oight-cap. In it men visit, one-third o
their lives, the only land where they are
free and equal.
Tho Cunard steamship Scotia, Captain
Judkins, which left New York at 5 o'clock
p. m., August 31, arrived at Queestown at
8 o'clock a. m., on September 8th, making
tho passage in seven days, the quickest
time on record.
Buskin, in one of his lecent lectures.
says: Though England is deafend with
spinning wheels, here people have not
clothes ; though sho is black with digging
of fuel, they dye of cold ; and though she
has sold hersoul for grain, they dye of
hunger.'
'It is worth while to contradict absurdly
foolish falsehoods ? Docs it not erutifv the
liar to find his fabrications treated serious
ly? And then the fellow can invent two
new calumnies while you are rcluting an
old one. On the whole, we think most
men must better buisness than such refu
tation.' 11. G.
The LcorARD. -This 'ere hanimal, my
little dears,' observed the keeper of a mean
arc to a school, 'is a leopard. His comdex-
r
ion is yallcr, agreeably diversified with
black spots. It was wulger hcrror of the
hancicnts that the critter vos hin-capable
chaogin' his spots, vitoh vos disproved ia
modem times by obsetvin' that he werry
slept on one spot, and the next night chan
ged to another.'
In all policies of lt.'o insurauce these,
among other questions, occur : 'Age of
father, if living ?' 'Age cf mother, if liv
ing ?' A man iu the country who filled up
an application mado his father's age, 'if
living,, one hundred and twelve years, and
bis mother's one hunhred and two. ' The
agent was amazed at ' this showing, and
fancied he had got an excellent subject ;
but, feeling somewhat dubious, that the
man came of a very long-lived family. 'Ob,
you see, sir,' replied the applicant, 'my pa-,
rents died many years ago, but if 'living'
would be aged as there put dowD,' Oh, I
see,' said the agent.
Stranger 'Have you a good, strong
porter about the house ?' Cleik 'Yes, we
have the strongest about tho place.' Stran
ger 'Is be intelligent V Clerk 'Oh, yes,
sir, quite itihliigcnt for a porter, we think.'
Stranger 'One point more. Do you consid
er him fearless that is, bold and courage
ous ?' Clerk 'As for that matter I knovr
he is; he would not be afraid of the devil
himself, sir.' Stranger 'Now, Clerk, if
your porter is intelligent enough to fiud
room No. 117, fearless enough to enter, and
strong enough to get my trunk away from
the bed-bugs, 1 would like to have him
bring; it down.'
'Boys,' said old Silas, 'here is a watch
that I mouldn't give for the best cow ia
Squawvillc,' at the same time taking from
his jacket pocket a bulls-eye watch about
tho size of a small turnip. 'Last fall, when
t was diggiug potatoes, I lost this ere watoh,
and never found it uutill Deacon Daniels
brought it to me one day last week. The
deacon was going to Squawville, and in pas
sing near my potato field, he heard the
watch ticking, aud followed the sound for
nearly a quarter of a mile, and finally found
the wateh where I lost it six months before ;
and would you believe me, geutlemen, that
watch never varied a.eecoud ia all that
time.' ,
A New England eld maid, who recently
went to Nevada, writes home that she al
ready has a husband and a pair of twins,
and hasen'treally got acquainted there yet.'
Disease aud pills, wheo they enter a
man's body, are like two lawvers whn th.
undertake to settle his affairs; they com.
promise the matter by laying out. the pa
tient. Why is a thunder etorm like UQ nit inn ?
Because it is pea! ou peal.