ill VOL 1. HI DO WAY, PA., APRIL 3, 1870. NO. 35. lie J PUBLISHED WEEKLY, Rates of Advertising. Aim'r and Ex'rs notices, eao, 6 times, $ 3 00 Auditor's notices, each, 8 00 Cautions and Estrays each, 3 times 8 00 Transient Advertising per squre of 8 lines or less 3 times, or less 2 00 For each subsequent insertion 60 Official advertising for each square of 8 liner or less 3 times or less -2 00 For each subsequent insertion...! 60 Professional cards, 6 liner, 1 yr 6 00 Loal notices, per line, one time 16 Obituary notices, over 6 lines 10 T early Advertising, one-half column 60 00 f early Advertising, one column 100 00 Blanks, single quire 2 60 Blanks, three quire 2 00 Blanks. 6 Quires , per quire 1 75 Blaiks, over 6 quires per quire 1 60 far bank notes, subpoenas, summons, ex- ecutions. warrants, eonstable sales, road and school ordors. each per doz...25 Handbills, eight sheet 26 or less 1 60 fourth sheet 25or less. ...... ..2 60 " half sheet 25 or less 4 60 " whole seet 25 orless 8 00 Over 25 of each of above at proport ionate rates, COUNTY OFFICERS. President Judge S. P. Johnson. Additional Lav Judge Hon. Jho. P incent. Associate Judges E. C. Schultie, Jesse Kyler. District Attorney J. K. P. Hall. Sheriff Jacob McOauley. Prothonotary &c, Fred. Schcening. Treasurer Claudius V. Gillis. Co. SuDeriutendent Ruf'us Lucore. Commissioners II. Warner, Jos. W. Taylor, Louis Volltnr. Auditors Clark Wilcox, George D Messenger, and Joseph Wilhclra. County Surveyor Geo. Walmsley. Jury Commissioners. George Dickiosn, and Horace Little. TIME OF HOLDING COURT. Second Monday in January, Last Monday in April. First Monday in August. First Monday in November. RAILROADS- PHIL AD LP BOA WINTER & EKIE BAILBOAD. TIME TABLE. and after MONDAY, NOV. 25th, trains on tba Philadelphia & Erie Kailroad will run as follows : WS8TWARI1. Mail Train leaves Philadelphia - 9.35 p. m ' Ridgway - 2.00 p. m. " arrive at Erie 8.20 p. m. Sri Exp leaves Philadelphia 11.60 a. ni. Ridgway - 3.36 a. m. ' " arrive at Erie -.. -10.00 a. m BASTWARD. Mail Train leaves Eric 8.40 a. m. " Ridgway 2.60 p. m. arrive at I'hilad'a - b.20 a. m. .Irie Express leaves Erie - 4.00 p. m. " Kidgway 9.41 p. m. . ar'at Philadelphia 12 45 p. m. Express east connects at Corry Mail east at Corry and Irvinton with trains on Oil Creek Allegheny River R. R. ALFRED L. TYLER. General Superintendent. LLEGHENY.VALLEV RAIL ROAD. In a only direct route to Pittsburg WITHOUT CHANGE OF CARS from Oil City. On and after Monday Nov. 22d 1869, trains will run as follows : GOING SOUTH Pay Express leaves Oil City at 10.30 a. m. Arriving at Pittsburg at 6,30 p. m. Hight Exprrss leaves Oil City at 9,30 p. m. Arriving at Pittsburg at 7,00 a. m. Kittanniag Aco. leaves Emlenton 6,10 p. nr Arriviving at Kittauning OrOO p. m. Mixed Way leaves Oil City at 7,00 a. m. Arriviug ai West Penn Junction at 7,05 p. m. GOING NORTH. Day Express leaves Pittsburg at 7,15 a. m. Arriving at Oil Ciiy at 1,65 p. m. Night Express leaves Pittsburg at 8,00 p. m. Arriving at Oil City at 6,00 a m. Parker Aoo. leaves Kittanuing 7.20 a. in. Arriving at Parker 9,56 a. m. Mixed Way leave West Penn June, at 7,00 a. m. Arriving at Oil City at 6,00 p. m. Connections at Corry and Irvine'on for Oil City and Pittsburg. At Franklin with James town and Franxlin R. R. Connections with West Penn, R. R. at West Penn Junction for lilaireville and all points on the main line of tba Pennsylvania H. R. ""Silver Palace Sleeping Cars" on all Night Trains both ways from Pittsbrgh to Corry. J. J. LAWRENCE, General Supt. Taos. M. Kiho, Asst. Supt, B OOK AGENTS WANTED FOR Struggles and Triumphs of P. T. BARNUM Written by himelf. In one large octavo vol umenearly 800 pages printed in English and German. 83 full page engravings. It em. braces forty year recollections of his busy life, as a merchant, manager, banker, leoturer and showman. No book published so acceptable to all classes. Every one wants it. Ageuts aver age from 60 to 100 subscribers a week. We offer extra indueements. Illustrated catalogue aad terms to agents sent free. J. B. BOER k CO., Publiohere, tor Hartford, Conn. JOB WORK of all done at this office. kinds and desori- BUSINESS CARDS. ' J. S. llOUDWE&L," M. D. eclectic rnvsicutJr v"I"he word eclectio means to choese or 8a I lect medicines from all the different schools of medicine ; using remedies that are safe, and discarding from practice ail modi cines that have an injurious effect on the sys tern, such as mercury, antimony, lead, cop per. &o. 1 lay aside the lance the old bloodletter, reaucer or ucpleler, ana equalise toe circular lion and restore the system to its natural slut e by alteratives and tonics. I shall here after cive particular attention to chronio dis eases, such as Rheumatism, Dyspepsia. Liver complaint, Catarrh, Neiralgia, diseases of the throat, urinary organs, and all diseases pecu liar to females, &o. CATARRH I treat with new instrument of a Into invention which cures every case. TEETH extracted without pain. Ollice and residence South of the jail on Centre St. Office hours from 7 to 8 a. : m 12 to 1 p. m s 0 to 7 p. m. Dec. 23'07.-1y. 3. 8. BORDWELL. TOIIN G. HALL, Attorney at law, Ridg- fj way, &lk county l'a. Lmar-Z2 bo ly JO. IN 0. HAI.L.... JAS. K. V. BALL. I TALL & BRO. Attorneys - at - Law ST. MARY'S : BENZINGEIt P. 0. ELK COUNTY, PA. September 20, I860, ly. J. S. Bordwell, M. D. Eclectic Physician Office and residence, opposite the Jail, on Centre St., Ridgway, Pa. Prompt at tention willbe given to all calls. Omce hours : 7 to 8 A. M- ; 12 to 2 P. M. ; and 0 to 7 P. M. Mar. 22, Gli-tf. FRANKLIN HOUSE, St. Mabt's, Pa. LARGEY & MALONE, Trope's. The proprietors respectfully ask the attention of their friends and the public in general to their large and commodious hotel. Every atteutiou paid to the convenience of guests. H. LARGEY, uay30 -18G8.1y J. A. m A LOSE. . MIS ASLIN Kettles, Brass Kettles, Porclean batice Pans, French lined Sauco Tans. I' in it cans the cheapest and best, at W. S. SERVICE'S, Hardware.Store, Pidgway.Pa. HYDE HOUSE, Hints way, Elk Co., Pa. W. II. SCIIItAM, Proprietor. Thankful for the patron.tee heretofore so liberally bestowed upon him, the new pro prietor, hopes, by paying strict attention o the comfort and convenience of guests, to merit a continuance of the same. Oct 30 18G9. TnAYER HOUSE, RIDGWAY, PA. D.tYlD THAYER, Proprietor. The undersigned having fitted up a laror Hud oommodious hotel on the southwest corner of Centre and Mill streets, with goad and convenient stabling attached, respect fully solicits the patronage of his old friends una tuep'itho generally. uecl3 60 1J DAVID THAYER. K ERSEY HOUSE, CuKTiitviLLi, Elk Co.) Pa. II. B. Leach, Proprietor. Thankful for the patronage heretofore so liberally bestowed upon him, the new pro prietor, hopes, by paying strict attention to the comfort, ar-d convenience of guests, to merit a continuance of the same. vlnllOly. All orders for Stoves and Hardware will be promptly attended to as soon as received, at the 12'67 St. MARY'S HARDWARE STORE. jyjORTON HOUSE, ERIE. PA V. V. Moore. (Jute of the Hyde JIou$) Proprietor. Open Day and Night- n30tf. CARDS, Bill-Heads, Letter-Heads, Tags, Handbills, &c, donein a neat manner, and at the lowkst prick, FOR CASH, at the Elk Advocate Printing Office. J D. PARSONS, Manufacturer and Dealer in Boots & Shoes, Main St., opposite Hotel, ov27y Wilcox, Pa. JACOB YOUNG & CO , Book Binders And Blank Book Manufacturers, Wright's Blk. Corry, Pa. Blank Books Made to Order. H ENRY SOUTHER, Atlorney-at-Law (feuli'J'GB), Ridgway, Pa, B LANKS of all fioi. kinds for sale at this CH. VULK, Manufacturer and healer . in Lagtr Beer, opposite the Railroau Depot, St. Mary's, Elk county Pa. Mar-22'66-1 . E ENVELOPES, LABELS & TAGS neatly printed 1 1 the Advocate Office. I WAS cured of Deafness and Catarrh by a simple remedy, and will send the receipt free. MRS. M. C. LEGGETT, 4w Hoboken, N. J. I was cuied of Deafness and Catarrh by a simple remedy and will send the reoeipt free. l'Jn 4w. MRS. M. C. LEGGETT. Hoboken, N. J. JJR C. H. FULLER, BOTANIC PHYSICIAN, Riboway, Pa. VISITING CARDS NEATLY EIBCUT ed at this office. . GRAT DISTRIBUTION , t j the Eatropolitan Cla Co, . CAII GIFTS TO THE AMOUNT OT $600,000 EVrc? TICKET ER&wS A TRIZS. 6 c'h g's, each 20,000 40 C'h g's, aaeh CI, 000 10 ' 10,000 1 200 00 20 " 600 1 300 " " 100 60 Elegant Rosewood Pianos eaah $300 to $"00 76 ' . Malodecns 60 to 100 860 Sewing machines - ' 60 to 176 600 Gold Watches - - 75 to 800 Cash prises silver vare, j-e., val'd at 1,000 000 A chance to draw any of the abovs Frhei for 25o. Tickets describing Priies are 4cled in Envealopes and well mixed. On receipt of 25c. a Staled ttcktt is drawn without choice and sent by mail to any address. The prise named upon it will be delivered to the ticxet-holder on payment of One Dollar. Priies are im mediately sent to any address by express or return mail. You will know what your Priia is b afore you pay for it. Any Prut tzchanged for anoth er of tame value. No Blanks. Our patrons can depend on fair dealing. Kkferencr: We select tha following from many who have lately drawn Valuable Priies and kindly permitted us to publish them: Anrfiew J. Burns, Chicago, $10,000; Miss Ulara 8. Walker, Baltimore, Piano, SHOO James M. Mathews. Detroit, $5,000: John T. Andrews. Savannah, $5,000 ,- Miss j-goeu Sim mons, Charleston, Piano, COO. We publish no names without permission. UPiMtoMS or the J'aiss : "The firm is reiia ble, and deserve their success." Weekly 7WA une. May 8. We know them to be a fair deal ing firm. X. Y. Herald, May 28. A friend of ours drew a bOO dollar prize, which was promp tly received. Daily A'irt, June 3. Send for circular. Liberal inducements ta Agents. Satisfaction guaranteed. Ever; package of Sealed Envealopes contains one cash uift. Sjx Tickets for one dollar ; 13 for two dollars; 35 for five dollars ; 110 for dol lars, .411 letters should be addressed to HARPER, WILSON k CO., Feb 19 8a 196Broadway, N. Y. THE GREAT CAUSE or HUMAN MISERY. Just I'ublithed, in a Staled Envelope. Vice tix eenlt. A LrxTrRB Ok the Natcre, Treatmekt axd Radical Cure of Seminal Weakness, jr Sper matorrhoea, induced by Self Abuso Involuntary Emissions, Impoteney, Nervous Debility, and lmpedements to Marriege generally ; uoexump- ion, Epilepsy, and Fits : Mental and Physical Incepicity, 4c By ROB. J. CULVERWELL, M. D., Author ot the "Green Book," &c. The world-renowned author, in this admir able Lecture, clearly proves from his own ex perience that the awful consequences of Self Abuse may be effectually removed Without medicine, and without dangerous surgical op erations, bougies, instruments, rings, or cor dials, pointing out a mode of euro at once cer- ain and euectua1, by wuicn every sutterer, no matter what his conditionmay be, may euro himself cheaply, privately, and radically. This lecture will prove a boon tothousanu and thousaud. Sent under seal, in a plain envelope, to any address, on receipt of six cents, or two pos tage stamps, by addressing the publishers Also, vll. lULVtuwuLLa "Marriage Guide," price 25 cents. Address the Furnishers, Chas. J. C. Kuinb&Oo. 127 Bowbbt, New York, Post Office Box 4,686. QUNSMITIITN3. The undersigned respectfully an. nounces to the citciens oi Elk, and adjoin, incr counties, that he has recently established a Gun-Shop in Ridgway at the head of Main and Depot streets, in the basement ol the building occupied by W. S. Service as a tin shop, where he will attend promptly to all orders lor work in his line. TAHGET AND HUNTING RIFLES, Single or Double, made to order, and war rnted. He also keeps on hand, and for sale a N8W AND SUPERIOR Breech Loading Rifle, a good assertmentof Ainuiuuition, Revolvers, Hunting Tackle, and otbtr articles pertaining to the trade. dIO. tf HORACE WARIER. rpillS Infallible Remedy does not, lfie the I poisonous irritating snuff's and strong caurtio solut'oos with which tha peope have long been humbugged, simpl palliaB for a short time, or drive tha disease to the kngi as there is danger of doing in tha use of ch nos trums, but it produces perfect and permanent cures of the wsist eases of Chronio C'aarrh, as thousands can testify. Cold in the heal is cur ed with a few applications. Catarrh! Head ache is relieved and cured as if by nugio. It removes offensive breath, loss orimparment of the sense of taste, smelling or hearinf, water ing or weak eyes, and impaired memfy. when caused by the violence of Catarah, a hey fre quently are. I offer in good faith a standing reward of $500 for a case of Caiarh that I cannot cure. For sale by most druggists evrywhere. Price only 60 cents. I Ask your druggist for the remey ; but if he has not yet got it on sale, don't wt It off by acoeptinir any miierable worse than worthless substitute, but enclose sixty eents)o me, and the remedy will be sent you postiid. Four packages $2, or one doxen for 2. lend a two cent stamp for nr. eage s pampulat n uaiarrn Address tha proprietor. R. V. PIERCE, If. D. nov27'C9y Buffto, N. T THREE TO BOOK AGENTS. Wj will send I ' a handsome prospectus of ounnew illus trated Family Bible, to any book tent flee of charge. Address National rubhatug Compa ny. Philadelphia, Pa. I 4w TTIXECUTIONS, SUMMONS BUUl'US, Pi nas, Warrants, to., on hkd and lor sale at this effice. j - 1 REMARKS or BON. PLEOI W. SCOFIELD, 0: PennsTlv-iUiia, in lie Houoe f Represcnta' twos of ho V. S., llarch 21st la'O, cn ilt EtTenne PilL Mr. Chairman, there is but one objection raised to the general purposes of this bill There may be many objections to some of its details. The duty on particular articles may be deemed too high or too low ; the free list may be considered too large or too small to property cairyiog out such purpo ses ; but to the purposes themselves I have heard but a single objection. What are the purposes? The first purpose is to raise revenue. To this there is no objection from any quarter. It is agreed on all sides that the tariff furnishes a cheap mode of rais ng revenue, and that of all other modos it is least offensive to the people. The $180, 000,000 in gold derived last year from the tariff gave far less vexation and offence to the people than the 835,000,000 in curren cy derived from incomes. Before the war nearly all the expenses of the Government were paid by tariif. We .differed then as we differ now about its terms ; but it was agreed by everybody then, as it is by every' body now, that a large portion of the ne. cessary revenue should be raised in this way. All other countries, as well as our own, have approved and practiced the same system. All advocates of free trade make an-exception in favor of revenue Having agreed, then, to raise revenue by a tariff,be cause it is found leastjofiensive to the people and least expensive to the Government, the question arises as tothe proptiety of de parting in any instance from a strict reve nue rule of making some discriminations to effeot some other beneficial, though ca! lat eral purpose. We all agree to one depar ture. We all agree to levy the highest du ties upon articles consumed by those who are most able to pny taxes. This is a dis- srimin&tion in favor of the poor. It is a departure form tho revenue rule, but is so clearly just and beneficicnt that no one complains. Another departure is proposed. It is called a discrimination in favor of protec tion. Here comes in the objection to which I referred. Having agreed that we should have a tariff for revenue, having agreed al so that it should discriminate in fuvor of the poor, we disagree about this second proposed discrimination. Except in the matter of details I think we disagree about no other feature ot the bill. Now, let us consider this difference. A large amount of capital, not less than $250,000,000, is invested outside of out eountryin the manufacture of articles which are consumed within it. I refer now only to articles that might be made at home if we hid the labor und money here. This estimated amounted includes only the sums directly employed in the business. If all the necessary collateral investments were to bo taken into account, 01,000,000, 000 would be none too large. What good does this investment do the countries where it exists? It pays into the foreign treasury many millions of taxes, and lightens to that exteut the taxes on other property; it assists to build railroads, canals and river improvements ; it erects workshops, mills, and dwellings ; it contributes to the schools, the church, the college, the poor, the high way, and the State. But more thau all this it employs, supports, or gathers around it in some dependent manner 5,000,000 of population. This population consists of cap italists, managers, engineers, chemists, in ventors, superintendents,' mcchames, produ cers, and laborers. Such a population is necessarily intelligent, enterprising, moral, industrious and thrifty. It is the best of foreign population, and the very people most needed here. From their ocupatioos and position in society they believe iu and sympathize with republican institutions. If all this capital and population could be en-1 ticed to our shores and distributed equally over the country it would give to each con gressional district more than 81,000,000, and add 20,000 to its population. Thii emu would be much larger if the collateral or following investments were to be consider ed. Now, sir, why does not this vast capital and this most desirable population move to America and perform the work by the side of the market aud the raw material? Why does it not make railroads and canals, build towns aud cities, pay taxes, and owe alleg iance tor and to the oountry that furnishes the material and consumes their manufac tures ? Is it because these enterprises can- ba 00ndllnt(1(i as phpunv ri(i nrnetnUv I 7 ,r- v '.:b this country as any other ? No, eirj food is cheaper here, cotton is cheaper, coal lands, ore lands, and nsarly all unworked material are cheaper. Nothing is dear or scarce but labor and capital, the acquisition of which is the matter of consideration. Why, then docs not capital and labor come here of its ownvaceord ? Simply because it is invested and settled in the old country. If the cap ital was uninvested and the people unsettled. looking for a place to invest and settle, this country would be chosen at once. But to sell out and move would involve loss, time aud trouble. It would sink a large part of the capital. It is cheeper to pay transpor tation both wcys. And so it is that while we furnish both the raw material and the market for all this manufacturing popula tion and capital the old countries have all the advantages of their society, enterprise, tazes, and allegiance. Now, we propose to induce this capital and population to move to America. We propose to do it by a little discrimination in the terms of tariff, the tariff we have already agreed to levy for other purposes. We propose to say to these manufacturers, "If you stay outside of our country, if you pay your taxes and give the benefit of your so ciety, enterprise, and allegiance to another country, we cannot put you on an equal footing in our market with those who pay taxes into our Treasury, help improve and develop our country in time of peace, and defend it in time of war. We have already agreed to put a small duty for revenue up-, on your goods as they eutcr our ports; we will make it a little larger to furnish you an inducement to move to America, or to give those who do move a little advantage in our market over those who will not." 1 do not expect that such a duty, so small an advantage, will induce these people and this wealth to come here at once. Valua- j ble mills, shops, and dwellings counot be abandoned and lost. To change these re quires time. But all new enterprises, all capital that would rebuild or enlarge, all young, unsettled, and adventurous mechan ics and artisans vill come at once. In time all will come. In time it will be found cheaper to stand the loss of moving than to pay transportation both ways with the pro tective duty added. Now, sir, why should we not levy this small additional'duty, and thus entice to our shores this great wealth and industry ? Because, it is said, it will increase the costs of imported articles. Admit it; but does not a duty laid for revenue alone increase the costs also ? Do not the tax on home manufactures, whiskey, or anything else, iucrcase the price after the tax is paid ? Of course it does. All taxes raise the price of tho articles upon which they are paid. If land is taxed it will appear in the pro ducts of the farm ;'if railroads,in the cost of travail and price of fresghts ; if merchan dise, it must be made up in the sales. You cannot raise revenue and its burden now here left. If we are to levy no prototive duty because it will raise the price, then for the same reason wc are to levy no duty whatever ; for the same reason you cannot tax anything. But while I admit tlat a protective tariff will raise the price to the consumer in (he same way that a revenue tariff will, I do not admit that it will raise it in the same degree. Home competition compels the foreign mauulacturer to put down his price to the lowest point of profit iu other words, to stand a part of the duty; but tho importer of articles which there is no home competion charges up the whole duty to the consumer. This in creased cost of protected articles is the only objection that has been or can be raised to a protective tariff; but if that objection is to prevail, as I have already shown, wo can have no revenue tariff and no internal taxes whatsoevr. Compare, then, the disadvantage with the advantages of a protective difcrimina tion. The only disadvantage claimed is the increase in price not large, not oppres sive, not much above the increase from a revenue tariff, to which all agree an in crease that is necessarly ehoit.lived, dimin ishing constantly as foieign capital and la bor moves to this countiy, until it disap pears altogether for ivestmcnt and compe tition at home, where living and materials are cheapest, must finally bring the price even below the foreign standard. The advantages are more numerous and more important. First, it brings to this country for investment in manufactures and other enterprises many millions of cap. ital. Second, it moves to this country a large and most desirable population. Third, it makes a la-ge addition to the assessable wealth of the country and' thus lightenn the burdeus of ualioual taxation Fourth, while it thus render the country prosperous in time of peace, it makes it independent of all foreign nations in time of war. Fifth, it furnishes to the farmer and producing classes an increase of the present home mar ket as large as the whole, foreign market, with this superadded advantage, that this increase is beyond the reach of corapctiton from the granaries of the Old World. Sixth, it avoide the fluctiations in the valut of our money occasioned by sending it abroad to liquidate balance of trade. The disadvantage is small, little felt, and at worst temporary. The advantages are great, national, and lasting. The one is as the trouble of planting a tree ; the other as the perpetual enjoyment of its shade and fruit; or as the labor of sowing a field com pared with the plentiful harvest, thrift, and independence. Influence; of Colored light on In sects. The discussion of the changes produced in animal and vegtable forms by the influence of varying conditions of tern- pature, moisture, light, locality, etc., espe. cially as connected with the Darwinian hy pothesis, has introduced a great variety of experiments, from which some interesting results have been derived. In one of these experiments, lately published, a brood of caterpillars of the tortise-shcll butterfly of Europe was divided into three lots. One third were placed in a photographio room lighted through orange colored glass, and the remainder kept in an ordinary cage in atural light. All were fed with their proper food, and the third lot developed iffto butterflies in the usual time. Those in tho blue light were not healthy, a large number dying before changing ; those raised in the or a nee light, however, were nearly ' as healthy as the first. mentioned. The per feet insects reared in the blue light differed ' from the average form in being much smal ler, the orange.brown colors lighter, and the yellow and orange running into each other, instead of remaining distinct. Those raised in the yellow light were also sra'aller, but tho orange-brown was replaced by sal raon.coler; and the blue edges of the wings seen in the ordinary form were of a dull slate. If changes so great as these can be produced in the course of a single experi ment, it is probable that a continuance of thv same upon a succession of individuals will develop some striking results. Edi tors Scientifc Record, in Harper'$ Mag azine for April. Mark This, Boys I "Did you ever know a man who grew rich by fraud coutinue successful through life, and have a fortune at death ?" This question was put to a gentleman who had been in business forty years. Af ter reflecting awhile he replied : Not one. I have seen many men become rich as if by magio, and win golden opin. ions, when some little led to an exposure of their fraud, and they have fallen into disgrace and ruin. . Arson, perjury, mur der, and suicide are common crimes with ' those who make haste to bo rich regardless of the means." Boys, stick a pin here ! You will soon be men, and begin to act with who make money. Write thia good man's tes timony in your minds, and with it put this word of God: He that hasteth to be rich hath an evil eye, and considerth not that poverty shall come upon him." Let these words lead you to resolve to make haste slowly, when you go into bus iness, in the matter of making money. A Western undertaker sent the follow ing entertaining note to a sick man: "Dear Sir: Having positive proof that you are rapidly approaching death's gate, I have thereiore thought it not imprudent to call your attention to the inclosed adver tisement of my abundant stock of ready ' made coffins, and desire ta make the sug gestion that you signify to your friends a wish for the purchase of your burial outfit at my establish me ut." A Dentist presented a bill for the tenth time to a rich skinflint. It strikes me," said the latter, "that this is a pretty round bill." 'Yes," replied the dentist, "I have sent . it round often enough to make it appear so, and I have oalled now to have it squared." An editor thus ludicrously desoribes a primitive church : "No velvet cushions iu our pews ; we don'to in for style. The fatiest person has the softest seat, and takes 1 it out with hirn at the close of orvices," . ' i ''0Y' you are not removed from a Well, as we "ain't more than tbrea Wart, I give in to that," was the" reply,
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