ljc intc0, Nctu Blaonificlir, Jcu Undo Toby's WIr. TI1IIERE wan a fine old General once, J.. who, having spent most of 1) is life in the field of Mara, know very little about the camp of Cupid. He was one of those rough and honest spirits, often met with in his gallant profession, inuocent'ns an infant of almost every thing save high integrity and indomitable bravery. lie was nearly fifty years old, and his toils were over, when Master Don Cupid made him acquainted with a Widow Wadman, in whose eyes he began to detect something that made him very uneasy. Here was the result : During his service he had never seen any thing worthy of notico in a woman's eyo. In fact, he would scarcely have observed whether a woman had three eyes in her head, or only one ; for no matter where Iiis own eyes were, his thoughts were ever among " guns, drums and wounds," and love was a thing that lived in his memory just as he remembered once reading a vis ionary story book, called tho " Arabian Nights Entertainments," when a boy. Well, the General had settled down into an amiable, gentlemanly fellow, living alone, with comfortable wealth around him, and having little to do, save now and then to entertain an old comrade in arms, when companionship afforded opportunity for him to " fight his battles o'er again." But, alas I o'er this calm evening of the old General's day a deal of perplexity was doomed to fall, and he soon found himself in troubled waters, the depths of which he could by no means understand. lie floundered about like a caged rat under a pump, and such another melancholy fish out of water never before swallowed the bate, hook and all, of tho angling god of Love. The poor General ! We must give him a name, or we can't tell tho story ; and the best name for such a story is Uncle Toby. The poor General debated abstract edly about his new position, and never had siege or campaign given him such perplex ity before. At length, however, the blunt honesty of his disposition rose uppermost among his conflicting plans, and his course was chosen. At school ho ouco studied "Othello's De fence," to recite at an exhibition, but mado a great failure ; and he now reccollected there was something in the "Defence" very much like what he wanted to say. Ho got the book immediately, found the pas sage, clapped on his hat with a determined air, and posted off to the Widow Wad man's with Shakespeare uudoi his arm. "Madam," said General Uncle Toby, opening his book at the maiked place, with the solemnity of a special ploador at the bar " Madam " Rude am I In speech, And little blessed with the phraze of peace ; For since these arms of mine bad seven years' tilth. Till now, some nine moons wasted they have used Their dearest action In the field And little of this great world can I speak. More than pertalus to fears of broils and battle; And therefore " Here the General closed the book, wiped his forehead, looked up at the ceiling, and then said, with a spasmodic gasp : " I want to get married." Tho widow laughed for ten minutes, by the watch, before she could utter a sylla ble, and then she said, with precious tears of humor rolling down her good-natured cheeks : " And who is it you want to marry, General?" " You!" said Uncle Toby, flourshing his sword arm in the air, and assuming a mil itary attitude of defiance, as if be expected an assault from the widow immediately. " Will you kill me, If I marry you ?" said the widow, with a merry twinkle in her eye. " No, madam," replied Uncle Toby, in a most serious and deprecating tone, as if to assure her that such an idea bad never entered his head. " Well, then, I think I'll marry you," said the widow. - " Thank you ma'am" said Uncle Toby ; " but one thing I am bound to tell you of, madam I wear a wig!" ' The widow started, remained silent a moment, and then went into a longer, louder, and merrier laugh than she had in dulged in before ; at the end of which she drew her seat nearer the General, gravely laid ber hand on his head, gently lifted bis wig off, and placed it on the table. Geueral Uncle Toby had never known fear In hot battle, but he now felt a most decided inclination to run away. The wid ow laughed again, as though she never would stop, and the General was about to lay his hat upon his denuded head and bolt, when the facetious lady placed ber hand upon his arm and detained him. She then deliberately raised ber other hand to her owu head, with a sort of a military pre cision, executed a rapid mancouver with her five fingers, pulled off her whole head of fine glossy hair, and placing it upon the table by the table by the side of the Gen eral's, remained seated with ludicrous gravity in front of her accepted lover quite bald. Aa may be expected, Uncle Toby now laughed along with tho widow, and they soon grew so merry over the affair, that the maid-servant peeded through the keyhole at the noise,and saw the couple dancing a jig. and bobbing their bald pates at each other like a pair of Chinese Mandarins. 80 the two very shortly were united. A Ileal Life Itomnnce. ABOUT ilftoeu years ago, says the Springfield (Mass.) Union, a young woman living in her home at Man son, be came possessed with the desire to go West and teach school. In the town of Ana moso, Iowa, she found her vocation, and by and by, a husband. He was the youngest and indulged son of a wealthy widow. The happy couple sot out on the matrimonial sea, both being only about nineteen years of age. When our heroine wrote to hor fathor in Mouson of her plans, ho went on to Iowa for a few months visit, and being pleased with his daughter's prospects built and furnished a house for her. The moth er of. the young husband gave him a fine farm, well stocked and equipped and no young couplo ever started in life with brighter prospects. lu a short time, however, bad specula tions and mismanagement had stripped her husband of all his property. His pride was much mortified by the turn of affairs, and, in sudden desperation, ho loft his home, his wife and infant daughter and enlisted in one of tho first regiments which was raised to put down the rebellion. His family received a few letters from him and then came nn unbroken silenco. In vain thoy wrote to him and then to his officers and comrades. He was reported among the missing. The wifo or widow she know not which at length returned to ber Monson homo and afterwards came to Springfield and entered the employ of Tinkliam & Co., ptoving herself capable and efficient in the millinery department. At the end of four or five years she re visited her husband's friends in Iowa, and soon married a geutloman there, having first for the sake of certainty, obtained a divorce from her husband, although real ly supposing herself a widow. In a few mouths after this second marriage, this second husband died and tho lady again re turned to ber New England borne twice a widow as she supposed and soon was in her old place at Tinkham's. Some months ago this is one of the strangest incidents in this evontful history she dreamed that a hack called at hor boarding-place and took hor to the Mas sasoit House, where she met hor missing husband, to whom she was again united in marriage. The dream, of course, made a deep impression on her mind, but as months wore away and nothing came of it, sho regarded it as "only a dream." But one day last fall a letter reached the post office iu Anamoso, directed to her. Some ono who knew her caused it to be re directed to this city. It so happened that sho was absent at the time, and after re maining in the Springfield post office for awhilo, it was returned to Iowa. Her friends there then enclosed it iu another envelope and sent it here again and it final ly reached her as she was at work in Tink ham's store. On opening it she nearly fainted. It was from her first husband, from whom or of whom not a lisp had been heard by his frionds for thirteen years. It stated that he was iu tho wilds of Texas following the hazardous life of ranchoro. He had left home with the determination of never re turning till he had mado good his shatter ed fortune. Several times he had so far redeemed this vow that he was on the point of seeking his family and friends when some turn of tho wheel of fortune daBhed him back to poverty. At length the fickle goddess hod favored him and he was rich again.. Whether his wife was living, whether she was the mother of another man's family, and a host of other questions, Bhe hastened to answer. Other letters were written by both, but all failed, by reason of hostile Indians, faithless carriers, &c, of reaching their destination. But the one assuring him that his wifo was still his own and telling where she could be found was enough. Sometime afterward a stranger inquired one afternoon at the Massasoit House if there was such a firm as Tiukbam & Co., in the city. Being assured on this point, he called a hackman and told him to drive to their store and bring Mrs. , to the hotel. She was not at the store and the back driver was directed to her boarding place, where be found ber, and the dream was proved true 1 The meeting is not for us to describe. The next evening there was a wedding at the house of a prominent clergyman of this eity, and the bride was a woman who was then married the third time, yet bad but two husbands, and by their side stood a blooming miss of fourteen to witness the marriage of her own legitimate father and mother. This romance ends happily, as all. such stories should. After visiting friends in various parts of the North this winter, the husband will return to Texas and settle up bis extensive business as a cattle dealer, and then return to spend (he rest of his life with hit family either in his old Iowa home, or with his wife's friends at the East. Our Euqch Ardon is a highly educated and cultivated gontleman. His account of life on the Southwestern frontier ; of busi ness, carried on by the cattle herders and speculators ; of pastures forty miles wide to eighty miles long j of the pasture of the country and the wild Inhabitants, and how the government regulates the trade) and employs inspectors (of whom he became one) to see their regulations are complied with ; how for years no white woman's face was seen by these rovers all this alone would make an interesting volume. An Honest Boy. . fc fc A RTHUR, take this letter to your XJL mother, and here is your week's pay. You have a good mother," added Mr. Powell looking intently into tho lad's face as he took the missive with a polite "thank you, sir." The communication to Mrs. Howard ran tli 118 : " Dear madam : We are sorry to return your son Arthur with this, but repeated ly articles, and occasionally money have been missed from our store. No one but he could have taken it. It is very trying, we assure you, to have such an issue forced upon us, for we had supposed him incapa ble of any sort of dishonesty. Respectfully, R. Powell & Co. Mm. Howard perused the note and then, without looking up from her sewing, gent ly bade hor boy remove and thoroughly dry his overcoat, whitened by tho driving snow. But she could not just then look upon that young and joyous face. Ho should not know a breath of the foul sus picion, but should go to his pillow uncon scious of the stain on his good name. In the morning she would visit the firm. While Arthur slept, his mother passed the anxious hours in alternate watcbings by his bedside and prayers at her own. The restraint which she had placed upou herself was now romoved. Toward day light the Btorm subsided, and the morning dawned on a fair day. The calm comfort ed her, and when Arthur rose from the breakfast table, she said cheerfully : "I am going out this morning, dear, and you must remain at home. Be a good mother to brothor and sister, and if any work comes in remember carefully all the particulars ; but first run out and sweep me a clean crossing through the fresh snow." Quickly wrapping hersolf, she proceed ed to the gate. She stood resting against it and -gazed on the pure sceno the trees, the hedges, the roofs of buildings, every nook and crevice piled up with the glisten ing snow. But purer than all was her son Arthur in her eyes tho fairest feature of the picture. His clear eye was " not that of a thief 1" and the mothor's face beamed upon him with confiding love. At this moment Mr. Powell came toward mother and son. Mrs. Howard received him as calmly as she had his letter, bidding Arthur run over to Mrs. Ames, to Old John's, and two othor childless homes, and sweep off their paths, Mr. Powell was full of regrets and apologies for the note sent on the previous evening. Accidontly the real culprit had been discovered, and Arthur fully cleared. "The firm wished him back. They will increase his wages, give him every oppor tunity for improvement, in short thoy will atone, if possible, for the cruel wrong so hastily done." Mrs. Howard replied, "On ono, aud on ly on one condition can he return, and that Is, that neither he nor any of the clerks in your employ learn one word of this affair. I would not have him suffer the knowledge of this suspicion for worlds. I would not have his self-respect injured." The next morning found Arthur in his accustomed place, and the pleasure with which he that evening communicated to his mother his delight and astonishment at a sudden increase of salary, was without a shadow. Years after, the firm proposed receiving Arthur into it, and in response to his glad thanks, Mr. Powell placed his hand on his shoulder and said: "No thanks my boy. Thank your mother. Only on the shining shore can you know her worth." " lleodljg." A clerk in a rural town bad a pet ealf which he was training up in the ways of the ox. The eulf walked around very peace ably nnder ono end of the yoke while Mr. Clerk hold up the other end, but in an un fortunate moment the man conceived the idea of putting his own neck in the- yoke, to lot the calf see how it would seem to work with a partner. This frightened mister calf, and elevating his tail and his voice be struck a " dead run" for the vil lage, and Mr. Clerk went along to keep up, crying out at the top of his voice: " Here we come, dang our fool souls ; head us, somebody 1" A stoical Scotchman was addressed by his wife; "Oh John, I shan't leave this bed alive 1" "Please tbeeself, Betty, and thee'll please me," returned John, with equanimity. " I have been a good wife to you, John," persisted the dying woman. Middlin', Betty, only rolddllDV IW The popular superstition that over turning the salt is unlucky, originated iu a picture cf the last supper by Leonardo da Vinci, in which Judas Iscariot is repre sented as overturning the salt. Lndicrons Mistake. , fT HE English railroads cars are different JL ly constructed from ours, being made into compartments, with accommodations for only about six persons In each compart ment or " coach," as it is called. The fol lowing ludicrous incident which happened not long ago on an English road, could scarcely occur in one of our cars : A gentleman from Birmingham found himself mated in a first-class carriage, his et a tit the only other passenger in that compartment of the carriage being a blooming lady, answering to the allitera tive description of " fat, fair and forty." The train had scarcely moved ono hundred yards from the station before the lady sud denly leaped from her seat and exclaimed to the other passenger : "How dare you, sir?" What do you mean ? The gentleman, astonished, replied that "he did not understand ; he had done nothing to harm her." Again and again she sprang from her seat in apparent terror and rago, and de clared with vehemence that her neigh bor was a " villain, and she would have him taken into custody at the next sta tion." The gentleman protested his innocence, and asked what he bad done ; but the ec centric lady still kept leaping from her seat, raving against his treatment, till the gentleman docided that she was mad, and resolved on the arrival of the train at the next station to give her into custody. As her ecentricity did not abate, nor her rage, either, be, on the arrival of tho train at one of the stations, was about to carry this resolution into action, when she sud denly sprang to the door and screamed out : " Guard, guard I" at tho top of her voice and presently collected not only tho guard, but a crowd of people around her. She then commenced her accusation iu words both loud and deep, protesting that the gentleman had improperly pinched her legs ; and the gentleman, horrified at the charge, protesting, with equal vehemence, his perfect innocence. At this juncture, when matters looked serious for the gontleman ; the guard hap pened to remember that he had placed a basket under tho seat of the carriage con taining a live goose, aud pull it out, the mystery was explained, the bird being the criminal, and having caused tho lady's fears and the gentleman's apprehensions. This explanation was received with perfect good humor and satisfaction by the parties concerned, and tho train renewed its jour ney, amid the convulsive laughter and ap plause of the assembled multitude. A Peddler Outwitted. OLD DAVIS, of Ossipee tho wcll kuown shingle and clapboard auto crat of thirty years ago had a dog named Watch. The dog had become old and a nuisance Davis had threatened often to kill the brute, and had as often relented. Ono day Sim Brown, the Concord ped dlor, drove up to Davis's storo ; but Davis wanted to buy nothing. "Can't I sell you a clock? I've got 'em as cheap as dirt, and real good ones." " I haven't got the money." "Drat the mouey ! I'll take a fair ex change of anything." Davis scratched his head, whoroat Brown continued : " Come, we'll have a trade somehow. You've got to have one o' my clocks. What have you got to exchange for it?" " I've got nothing but a watch." "Eh? a watch?" cried the peddler, biighteuing up. " What kind of a watch. " Tain't of course, a very good one, or I wouldn't want to trado it off." " What kind o' cases I" " I can't say much for the cases, but the insides is in good order, and it runs well. It'll let you know when foedin' time conies, sartin. " How'll you trade?" " I'll givo you my watch for one of your clocks, without any 'ifs' or 'ands.1 " " Done 1" cried Brown, and he selected a steeplo-topped Connecticut clock, and brought it into the store. 'There's your clock. Now, where's yer watch ?" Davis went to the door, and whistled, and called "Watch I Watch I Hern, old fellow, you're wanted 1" The dog came iu with a bound. " That's the watch, Brown. You'll find his iu'ards perfect, and he can run like Sancho ; aud when it comes meal-time, if he don't let you know it I'm mistaken In him." The peddler gasped and staggered and be said something not quite proper to ears polite ; but he did not back down. He only said, as he bitched the dog to the axle-tree of his wagon, and prepared to drive off: " Somebody'!! pay for that before night I" Aud I opine that there are hundreds of people to-day in that section of New Hampshire who have a firm belief that they helped to pay old Brown for that clock. I JT As the Lord's mercies are new every morning, so those to whom they come have a perpetual freshness of life untouched by the burden and beat of tbe day. Jr li .V Nature's Great Remedy THROAT and LOriG DISEASES ! ! Itll the vital principle of the Pine Tree obtained by a peculiar process in the distillation of the tar, by which iu highest medicinal properties are retained. 1 ar even in im crude state has been recommended by eminent physicians of every tckool. It is conl'ulenlly offered to theaftlictedforthe followlnilmple reasons: 1. It curbs, not 6y airttfitty ttcpfiinr Hit cmirt. nut by chssolvinir, the phlegm and assisting nature to throw off the unhealthy matter causing the irritation. 1 n cases of tealeil coNsUMrrinN It both prolongs and " i u ri,M' the li fe of the afflicted sufferer. a. Its healing principle acts upon the irritated sur. lace of the lungs, ienetratiug each dt noted part, relieving pain, and tubilumg inflammation. 3. I f romi'inn and KNUitHi-sTHH blood. Positive ly curing all humors, from the common pimplb or sitption to the severest cases of Scrofula. Thousands of affidavits jniilj be produced from those who have fill the benefftial effects of Pink True Tar Cordial In the various diseases arising Irom IMruiUTlBS OF THR 8IXMD. the appetite. All who have known or tried Dr. I.. O. C Vis. hart s remedies require no references tm:n 'us, but the names of thousands cured by thrm ci.irbe -' -n 10 . . t 1 wui iwEmcni. nr. 1.. u. t. oisuarts ireat American JvresAz V."- r Worm Sugar Drops have never Ucii emia'le.i' l ile by all Druggists and Storekeepers, and .-t ' Dr. L. Q. C. mSKAZVZ O'Z-c. Ao. 33 X. AVroii.J A;., .. ,rr.. 7 10 13t Chartered March 11, 1870. XT . S3. Mutual Aid Society OF PENNSYLVANIA, HOME OFFICE : LEBANON, Lebanon county, Fcnn'a. President, Sfcretary, Treasurer, Hun. J, II. KiNPOKTg. Geo. A. Make. Gideon 1.10IIT. TUla Society is baaed on tbe assessment plan. Assets subject to Assessment, $8,000,000.00. Death losses paid to date, $60,000.00. Thin 8 iclety Insures rr SIX rjOLLAItH per thousand for the Ural year s FIVE DOLLAUH annually, per thou mind, for the next four ykaiis, TWO IKlLLAltH tier thousand annually durluir the remainder of natural life, and pro-rata mortality oMKCHHiueuUi as each death may occur, which for the Jb'irst Clans is aa fulluwa: Aire Asa. I Aire Ass. I Aire Ass. I Aire Asa. ll 00 28 73 I 41 112 54 1.70 10 61 29 74 42 04 55 1.82 17 62 30 7." 4.1 SW 511 1.94 18 6,1 31 77 44 08 fil 2.04 19 64 32 79 45 1.00 68 2.16 20 .r 33 81 46 l.Oti P9 2.28 21 M 34 83 47 1.12 60 2.40 22 67 36 8f 48 1.18 61 2.45 23 08 36 86 49 1.24 62 2.50 24 60 87 87 50 1.30 68 2.55 25 70 .18 88 51 1.40 61 2.60 26 71 30 60 52 1.50 65 2.63 27 72 40 UO 53 1.60 "For all classes of 2,000 benefit the stmve rates are In all eases double, and furall clamw of $:t,lnw benefit tripled Kiitht elasKes now In operation. OlaaeeM opu to In. ure for Irl.txm, igtl.fM) and H.U0. Mule and Female from Vifu-en to Slxty-Flve years of aire, of Kood mitral habits, iuir'Hid health, hale, aud of aound liiiud, lrreeiwtive of erued, or race, may be come members. For other information, addroaa OHO. A. MAKK, Hec'y U. 11. Mutual Aid Society, Lebanon, Pa. On, D. H. EAKLY. Oert. Ag't, Jlarrisburg, Pa. I.. W. CKAUMK1C, Ass't. (leu. Ag't, Gen eral Agent's Olllce, corner of 9th Street, and Kail lload, LEBAMON, PA. ar" AGENTS WANTED I 81 8m Neiv Pension Law. UNDEIt an act of Congress approved March 3, 1873, widows of ollluers who were killed, or died of disease contracted in the service, are now entitled to 82.00 per month for each of their chil dren. The guardian of a minor child of a soldier who heretofore only received $8.00 per month pension Is now entitled to 810. per moth. rloUliers who receive invalid pensions can now have their pensions increased to any sum or rate between 18. and $18. per mouth. Holdiers who have lost their discharges can now obtain duplicates. Fathers and mothers who lost sons In the serv ice niHiii whom they wero dependent for support, can also obtain pensions. The undersigned having had over 10 years ex perience in the Claim agency business will attend promptly to claims under the above act. Call ou or address LEWIS POTTEU, Attorney for Claimants, New Bloomlleld, 20tf. Parry Co., Pa Numbering 1 70 PACKS, and contaJuiug To Our HAtrnnM that will Ks tnailaii i.ana.1 i wiidii, vqisvniii - aov.. w lliui ' wrturn in Udaor PUoU, irlthfirsiordei. AUpurehcuw of onr Boo, tyitMtr . vmiui'Hiufl lur rrunii i Practical Florlrnltare 'heir nam! enletYd on our Urt.. anA uAli mn n.ai Burn innnuu nv mtu i nn ..i reeetvs above Catalogues amua4iv res o. sssnissan, 33 UftUMt street, New Tone, "SNSZS! IP L AWT K CO 6m WAtt mm. THING ThliETTY TYLESJL ATEJINS Have jtiHt buen received by F. MORTIMER Why nothavo a Beautiful Complexion? SVHT BC ANNOTKD WITH t CHAPPED HANDS ok ROUCH SKINT when such an agreeable and ellectual HHilKDY CA.V JIM OBTAINED , AT BO RUA1X A COST. 1Y USING WKIGHT'S "ALCONATKD UI.YCEHIKE TABLET." Hold by Druggists & Dealers In Toilet Articles. 00 s IT AWL8 AND BLANKETS for sale at ranle prices at r . Moktimik's. . .uti!jij 3 SEEDS Uyjii (I OUR BEAUTIFULLY ILLUSTRAIEO (i I; CATALOGUES forj 1874 of if U 11 w" 1 1 iftwTiiiHiMiiTir r
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers