' Philadelphia Advertisements. C. i. ksigiit & miow. Wholeate Duleii in .'..'. r . ; r FISH, ChoeHO ' " ' ako I?roviHionw, 114 South ; Delaware ATenno,. f 1-1 -it l A. Cl ' ' PHILADELPHIA, PA. .iv , Agents for , . Collins, Ucddcs & Co's Canned Frult. A. B. Cunningham. J. H. Lewars. J. B.Glelm. Cunningham, Gloim & Co., WnOLBSALI Dealers is Tobacco, Segars, &c, MO. 4, NOHTH FIFTH STREET, riXILADCLI'IlI A- 33310 Peterson? s Magazine. CHEAPEST ANDJ5EST OF ALL I Splendid Offers for 1872. THIS popular monthly Magazine gives more for the money than any lu t lie woild. It Is the best colored fashions, the host original stories, anil the best engravings of any lady's hook. Great ami costly Improvements will bemadein 1872, when it will contain ONE THOUSAND PAOKH1 viiithtkkn M'l.KN'nili STEEL PLATES? TWELVE Ciil.OKED BKH1.IN PATTERNS! TWELVE MAMMOTH COLI IKED FASHIONS? ONE THOUSAND WOOD CUTS) TWENTY-EOUB PAULS Of MUSIC! All mm will oe given mr oiny iwn.in.u.iij. n Jen, r a dollar less than Magazines of the class of "Petersons." Us , THRILLING TALES AND NOVELETTES Are the best published anywhere. All the most noonl:!! writers arc employed to Wrilo origin: for Peterson." In 1K7i the addition to Its Usual quantity of short stories, Five Original Copyright Novelettes will be givon. vizi Bought ith a Price, by Ann H. Stephens; The Island of Dia monds, by Harry Dantortli; Once too Often, by I ' i l tl... 11... la I ...al. 1... Xllu- 1 Hodgson; ami A vne, uy uie auuior oi ine ow. uu Lire. ..... MAMMOTH COLOItED FASHION TLATES Alienri nf nil others. These nlates are engraved on steel, twice the usuul size, and contain six II ti ll res. They will he superbly colored. Also sever al paces nf Household and other recipes; In short, veiyiuing lniercsiiuK io lauies. TKRMH ALWAYS IN ADVANCE. One conv. for one year. KM : Eive copies, for ne year, SS.UO ; Eight coiiies, one year, 12.0U. HITPKIIB PUKMIIIM ENOItAVINOl Every ierson getting up a club of live at $1.00 each, or eight at Slfttieach, will be enlllled to an extra copy of the magazine for 1H72. and also to a enpv of tne superb parlor mezzotint (size 24 Inch es bv 1H Eive '1 lines to One Day," which, at a atom, wiuilft rawt. fulir dollars. rvHpeclinens sent, gratis, to those wishing to gel up uiuui. Address, CH ARLES ,T. TKTEKSON, No. ami Chestnut SL, Philadelphia. l'hotographs ! Photographs I 1 1 JACOB COBLE, Photographic Artist, ..... NEWPORT, PENN' A. THE subscriber would respectfully call the at tention of the cltlrens of this county to the fact that he Is prepared to take I'HOWURAPHH in tne oest si. vie oi me art. in long experience naoies mm to produce ; t picrxmEs wnwn vahnot jib ex celled. All persons are requested to call at his rooms and examine specimens. Particular attention given to copying likenesses W deceased persons, and (treat care will be taken to furnish Good Pictures of CUldron. Framing material and a good assortment of frames always on hand, and for sale at low prices. JACOB COILK, Artist, Newport, Perry Co., Pa Those Old Clothes Kefld bo worn no Ionizer, m th Bubcr'hftra ar povv proiKiml with ft full Htwk of Kail rainier Troin wiiM'ii uii'y in;iK ciiMninff iu oruer. ii a gar- lent niiuio uy us uuea not hi, u, Can be Exchanged for One which will give entire satisfaction. Full Neiv Suits Mado at short notice, and In a superior manner. As we have the regular monthly Eashlon Itepoils, those who desire can nave uiuirgai meats Cut in the Latest fitylct We ask all wantlnir niothlns to rail and exam tne our assortment of cooils suited for Mens' and and Boys' wear, nnd see specimens of our work. Y. MOHTIMKH CO., ri:w lilw infield, l a SVTOTKE TO INVAI.III I'KNsllON KHM. IN Thousands of Hilllers who are now drawing Invalid Pensions are enlllled to increase. All Pen sioners who lielleve their pensions too small, cun now liave them Increased by making application ku LEWIS rOTTKK, v Claim A (rent. 157 H New BloomUeld, Ta. A GREAT MEDICAL DISCOVERY Sr. WALKBB'3 CALIFORNIA VHTEGAR bittees Hundreds of Thousands $2 lw tcstlmonr to theft Wondr . "fulCiKsllva KUecl. WHAT ARE THEY? 1 - . t OPS TITET ABB NOT A VIXB f 1 1 i a S aa FANCY, DKINK) rl Va'.uof Poor Itnwi. "VThlfKer. Tmvf f-jplrliw tiiid lUfuBo Llquur doctored, splcca nr.ab'.T.ct icci t pUaaotliO tctc, er.HcUM,lonict,M"Arpct;. c.x," i'.cnorcra," c tt!t lead tjlie tippler cn to UiUnkenccFA and rata, fco are trti8 Medicine, fxouiilioliatlTO KuoUadU Herbs of California, tn o iroiti nil Alcftlivlk: HliumluBtu, Tbcyaio V..i GUIAT BI.OOO rt'KiyifiU ftud A IMZ tilVINU I'tf INCiriKftpirkct l.cuovatcr c:.a lavisor-tor of iho -Hk.Uci, carrylni oil fiUpo;soi o;.a matter and restoring ti.o Llood io liualtLy ccnOttx.u JCo person can tbc3 lljitora AccordU: toC.rcc tlon aud reuitln loi:g untrcll. $100 wiiruo given fcrau InrtiraUocntio.rrovUcd t!:o bones ara uot destroyed ty mi.icrl tv.u.i cr other means, ob d t ho viUl craus vuud LbuJll.c point of air. Fur lufluinuHticry itutl Cbronlo llbtuma- tnm nud liuuti lytpcprlrif tiv Indiaomiou, iikliuuM. Uvuiitlciil and luturmlitenl Auvto DiHcuucMCt' tU Ultdt L.iTr lkicluiv hud BIudilL-r llato Bitter tavo bcea most t.ucc-.tt ful. buck Illtte&HL'M aro can red ly V.iiuitu Bluod. vUlcli lBjfcrcrally produced by d;ruai.s.iii-v-t of tha Uiu-vilvo -Urnuiu; DVMLl'MA il 1ND1CESTION, Itccd ache, In tbo tihouU bit., CougLB, 7,uUf-ti I tiio Ciicst, Dizziness, four tructatio,. tf ti.u tu-mocli, liad tcatij lu tlio Month, 2.Uo:-. Attach JtCp.tutl. n or tliulicurt, Iul!amu.ation ot the Lune". 1 "iiU ti V'. o region of tho Klilnryn.and abnodnd uUcr p. iul LL,ptums, aru tUu oUbprliicaof tyt peptic.. lb y invifiorftta tUobtuLincliaiidLUUiUla'.a t..j tor pMliviratid bowvb, whlcU rendt r them of unccuallcd ILcucyln c1ouui:d ti.oblutdcf n'J luiputitlLO, a -J J in parting now life and Tiger to V0 wliolosyUcu:. UXSASLS.Lruptlon.i.TcU.r.ralt r.hvnti.BloicUH.Ltoic.l in j.ltc.1 uttut.t,i;f.',o, lt bunclca, lUt.s-V.inn.H, t Cilti-lionJ.tcra l'ycc, Cryip clao.ltch, l.ciirr. llsccloi-ntioscf tho Hiunor ftnd lihtnsta tl'ti.o LL'.n, cf wl.utcvcr auuiu or uatnro, aro literally t'i& tp oaac-iil.u ot;t .i" t;.ucyutcm la a liort time ty ttiti -quo of tticou Titura. Cno LotMo In ach cudcd will t onvluco tUu moti tacredulous b4 Unit cnratlvo effect. Clcar.Bu tho Vitiated Dlood vtirnrvcr you fl irt lt lrr.purlt'.c;i lurr.i::.fi tbicu'h V.n B':ln l:i Mm plot, I'm? tlonj cr licr.K ; i.lua;i:o it wlw n yen t:d it cbutructtd and i-lu,ij;!i'h In tltQ vi;;i; ; cl-.ftWJo U when It la fuJ, and yonr fucli:i;;o vKl t - 1 yu vi.o:i, K.rw? tUo bluod pure and tt.cvbt o,lt li tAt-ih wyi;tAii v. . 11 follow. riN. a'Al Ci.dttLcr Vv'i;xtniS liii-fciiiffJntlio ystcm cf By i:.:.iiy tliou-'ViiN, :.t cir.'Ct.!;i3Ty Ucfrfroy. cd andriinoTcf!.; 1 r r..ll rjrMoits read care fully tho clrcuh.r mur.ii ci-ui L-Ulu, p.LitydLi tuf lai.- J. WALKER, FroprUVirr 11. II. n:LONAtI) & CO., Pnie-jtfltB and Itn. Agent tan, I r.-clt;, i'.1. , aad Kland&IConiuivrcjBtrt, Nt-w Yoi JIT" COLD ET A1X 1:;WUU13T3 Aii it.... 1780 TAKE NOTICE. ' 1871 Are You Afflicted or Sick ? FAHRNEY'S HLOOD CLEANS Ell OH pan ,v e .io a : A N Alterative and Cathartic, or Tonic and IMirue. for illsensiKurlhlnir from lui'l blood This preparation was established lu IS70,nnd has been prepared In UiuUI form for more than 18 years. In January or February. WO.nnoth- cr party commenced to prepare n similar article whicn Is Interior to me genuine, una nirn should not he mistaken for ours. Ask tor "1)K Pahhnry'b Buion Cleanser or Panacea,' and accent no others- ' i The Trade Mark or the oldest nnn Keiiuine Is printed In grtcn on a yellow wmpper, liav. Inir aluo the signature or P. Fuhrnej, M.U Cliicairn. Dr. . tahrney '$ Health Metutuur" (fives the history and uses or the Ui.oon Ui.eanhek testimonials, and other liiforniallon, sent free charjre. Andresi ' Oh. P. faiirnet'S hhotiieks a i o., Waynesboro, Franklin Coiintv, Pa. Ask for Dr. Fiihrncy's Blood Cleanser and CLEANSE YUUlt BLOOD. t-fS Sold everywhere and In New Bloonilleld by E. Mohtimkh Co., only. o Is The IennsylvuiilH Cattle Insurance Company Capital and Assets, $150,000. JiinirH.riit'tl by thf C'liirt ' ('mum Pleat of Schuylkill Co., Not. 27, 'Oil. Incorporated by Legislature May 10,137 "I T has now full power to Insure llnll(llii(fs Merelinliillre and all kinds 01 Propcit niMliift r Ire, Morins or lempests. Also, Insure Horses Hi d Cuttle, against Dentil Thell. The rates on Loan or Preferred Pollclci are a little higher than an)' nther cniupnn doliiif business In the county hut this class i policy liohler ran borrow money any time tli ( oinpaiiy can spare It out nl Us tupl us assets, und the money will be loaned In rot.itlon, so that the tlrst persons procuring loan policle can be Ilia llrsl to borrow money If they neei It. uniy MX I'Ell CENT. INTEHEisT will ho eharired for money, and loans will be made t all places thi't pood nireneles cull be estal'lUhed, sn tint the Company will be Home Company wherever It does business. The Company will also take risks on th common rash and mutual plana as cheap as otner rename companies. The Directors meet regularly on the secou Monday ot every month. JOHN p. ADE8TT, President, UAJlto it. uiur-if, secretary. Office,-308 Centre St., Pottsville, Pa 6 89 in Sal V - - Hi X ' ALL KINDS of Pr ntlnr neatly PRINTINC1 seented at tne "kimiiiviklu tAI fe. Ul v A GREAT OFFER! ' only r ron ri in value i on, for k, t 1$ IN VALUE. OR. r6 IN VALUE I THR tieantil and artistic Chromo. "Isn't She Pretty t" highly finished, mounted, and ram Ished. Hire, 1.1x17 (after Llllle M. Spener.) retail price, si will be sent by mail, seeuiely done up, post-free, as a premlnm to every M yearly subscri ber to DEMOKKST'H MONTHLY, acknowledged the most beautiful and useful Tailor Magazine In America. "Isn't She Pretty t" Is a naantifiilChro mo and Splendid Parlor Picture, and a valuanift work of art, worth more than Double the Cost of Subscription, and, together with DKMOKKST'S MONTHLY affords an opportunity for the Invest ment of (isiich as may never occur attain s or, In place of. "Isa't She Prettyf" for II additional, lllawth's Wooing," (after Jerome Thompson), size, IS1J6, price, H will lie Bent itost-free ; or IhHu Chronics and Demorest's Monthly, for one year, for to. Hiawatha's WooIiik Is an equally splendid work of art, a large and tieautlful t hro mo, and worth four times the price charged. Husbands, Fathers, and Lovers, do not fall to sub. aerlbe fxr Demorest's Magazine, and present It with a beautiful Uhronio. It will make eyes spark' le with delight aud satisfaction, and prove a monthly reminder of yonr good taste anil kind feellinz. ' Address W. Jknninob Dbmokebt, Kg Broadway. New York, comes ol the latest num bers ul the Magazine 25 cents each, post-free.) 41 II Alt D WAllEl T HE subscribers have on hand at all times, as complete an assortment or Hardware as can be louud In the county. NAILS, - HINGES, ' ' -. 1 LOCKS, - v ; ' - t ,v r-- GLASS, ' - PAINTS & OILS, and fine assortment of all styles of Builders Hardware, Also, CAltPENTEK TOOLS, TABLE CUTLERY, 1 COFFEE MILLS, SPOONS, SHOVELS, HOES, ' and a full stock of Hardware of Every Description, All of which will be sold at the lowest market prices. Persons wanting any article in this line are requested to cull und examineoitr slock. F. MORTIMER , & CO., . New Ui.OdupiBi.u, Fa. English Hoofing Felt Is found to stand well In ull climates, being ex tensively used for Hooting Houses, Out-Bulld- Inirs and Blieds; tor Laying f Hit Hoots, uuttere, Lining (iranaries, Storehouses, or Walls, (cither outside or Inside), and for placing un der Slates or Tiles. It is ulso n cheap und ll'cctlve Celling on the underneath side of raf ters of a feinted or Tiled Hoof, nud lis a Celling to Iron Hoofs, counteracting Heat, Frotl, onjl Condensation of Moisture. . . : I 1 - ' The English Felt Is put up In rolls of 25 yards In length, by TO Inches In width, aud containing a surface of 200 square feet. THREE-PLY FELT FOH ROOFING. In Rolls, 20 Inches wide, by 50 feet in length; each roll will cover n Burfuco 10 feet siiuure, or 100 square feet. , It Is to be laid across the roof, shingle fash ion, with a lap of two Inches, and secured by nailing the edges with 3d nails and tin raps, v lien lulil, the f elt is to be panned witu Mastic Roof Coating, and Banded. The Mas tic Roof Coating Is mixed, ready for use, and Is applied with a brush. TARRED ROOFING FELT. Used extensively for Sheuthlng Houses, and for Tar and Gravel Hoofing, also for placing under tiltite, Tin nnd Blilngle Hooting. It Is used in packing ' woolens ana f urs to protect them from moths. rut up in rolls weigning 49 pounds encn. 15 pounds Felt will cover a surface of 100 square feet. r ., TWO- PLY FELT, For 8hc.a thing Houses, Roofing Temporary Buildings, making Watcr.Tlght I loors, and for placing under Shite and Shingles. . In rolls, 26 Inches wide by 50 feet In length. Each roll will cover a aurfuce of 10 fcut square or 100 square feet. For Bheathlug It ran be nailed upon the stud ding, making n perfectly air tight sheathing, and sure protection ' from dampness. Hats, mice, or vermin will not go uear lt. MICA CANVAS ROOFING, In rolls containing 250 square feet. Is to be laid across the roof, and lapped shingle fash ion with a lap of two inches, and secured by nailing the edges with 20 or., tacks. This Is the only Composition Hooting that docs not require a llulahiug rout of pahit or cement. UNTARRED 8IIEAT11INO FELT, For Harriet Lining, Deadening Floors, and for putting miller Bliile, Tin und blilngle Hooting. Put up lu rolls weighing 100 pounds. 10 pounds Felt will rover a surface 10 feet square, or 100 rquure feet. MANUFACTURED BY THE PENN HOOPING CO., 105 Bouth 2nd Street, ftS3 2t rillLAItKI.rillA, l'A. Pensions, Bounties, &o. V.TKMMI'J jri..n- 1 .1.11,1. n UnlhaM Vltl-M Wl I. r, J.l ill... iiinit punt" .i.i.i.i-., Ac, of Soldiers who were killed or died of disease contracted in the Service of the Hulled Mules, can now make annllcatloii for Pension. Also Holdinrs who contracted disease or were wounded, ruptured, or In any way disabled In the war of 1K.11. When widows die or re-marry, the child or children under sixteen years of age are entitled to a Pension. The time for tiling claims for additional bounty Has neen extended mx uiunins. - particular attention given toold suspended case III thedlllereiit departments at Washington, D. C If yon have, or think you have a claim uplnst the tloveriiiueiii, eau on or auuiens mu uuueiHigiieu. No charge lor luiorniuiiua. LEWIS jPOTTHK, Attorney for Claimants. 4 81 NEW BL00MF1ELD, P A ' NEW YORK CONTINENTAL Si- Life Insurance Company, OF NEW YORK, , STltlCTL Y M UTUAL i f ) 4 : Aas4otw, Q 1,500,000 ! Tssr IfH all the new forms of Policies, and nre- L seats as favorable terms asauy company In the United Stat s. The Company will make temporary loans on Its Policies. Thirty days' uince allowed on each payment, and the po ley held cmid duriliK that time. Policies Issued by this Company are non-forfeiture. No extra eharires are made for traveling permits. I'ollcv-holders sh , re III the annual protltsof tne Company, aud have a voice in the elections and maiiacenieut ot mei; nipaiiy. No policy or medical feeeliariied. U'btub Lawrence. Pres't. M. 11. Wtnkooi', Vice Pres't. J. P. IlooRKS, Sec'y. j. k. Eaton. (iciieral Agent, No. fl North Third Street, 4.211 yl College Block, Harrlsburg, Pa. PltOSPKirrUN FOR 1872. FIFTH YEAH. A Ilt'preHctitative ntul ('ltamjiioTi or Amer ican Ait. THE A L DIKE: An Illustrated Monthly .louinal claimed to be the handsomest l'aiei' in the World. "(live my love to the artist workmen of THE A !...' 'wlioare stilv ng to ake tliclr profes s on Horthy of admiration for beauty, as It has al ways been (or usefulness." yenr,, ll'anf needier. NEW FEATURES FOH 1872. AHT DEPARTMENT. As a guarantee nf the excellence of this depart ment. tne publishers would beg to announce dur ing the coining year, specimens from the following eminent American artists: W. T. Kichanls. (iranvlllo Perkins. .las. Smiley, Win. Hart. K. O. C. Darlev, H. E. Pitmct, Win. Beard. Victor Nehlig. Frank Beard. Oeo. Smiley, M m. II. Wilcox, Paul Dixon. Aug. Will, James 11. Heard and .1. Hay s. These pictures am being reproduced regardless of exiicnse. bv the, very best engravers in the count i y. and will bear the severest critical com parison with the best foicicu work. It being the determination of the publishers that THE AU I il NK shall he a successful vindication ot Amer ican taste In competition with any existing publi cation In the world. LITERARY DEPARTMENT. Where so much atteiit'on Is paid to Illustration and get up of the work, too much dependence oh owiedrnnces may very natuially be feared. To an ticipate such m.sgiv'iigs, it Is ony necessary to Htate, that, the editorial management of '111K A LDIN K has been intrusted to Mr. Richard 11. Slodilard. who has received assurances of assist nin e from a host of the most popular writers and poets of the country. THE VOLUME FOR 1872 , will contain nearly Run pages, and 241 tine engrav ings. Commencing with the number for January. every third ntiuiber will contain a beautiful tinted pictineon plaie paper, Inseited as a fiontispiece. The Chi Isniias uumliei of ls7 J. will be a splendid volume in Itself, coii ulnlng fifty engravings, (four In trnl) and. although letalled at II. will be sent without extra clmrge to all yearly subscribers. ACTIROMOTO EVERY SUBSCRIBER was a verv popular feature last year, and will be ieiealed with the present volume. The publish rrs have nuichased and reproduced, at great ex lease, tne oeauiiiui on panning uy csbih, eiitiueu Dame Nature's School." The cliroiuo is 11x13 inches, aud is an exact facsimile, in slue and ap- IH'urance, oi me original picture. TERMS FOB 1872. One Conv. one year, with Oil Chroino. 15.00 five copies " ai.uu Anv person send'ng 10 names and 40 will receive an extra copy gratis, making 11 copies for the money. aiiv person wishing to wora ior a premium, can have our premium circular on application. We Kive many laautiful aud desirable articles offered y no other paer. Any iierson wishing to act. permanently, as our agent, will apply, uift rejtrenue, enclosing II fur Ollllll. JAMES SUTTON & CO., I'l'BI.IHIIKIOI. 23 Liberty Street, New York. ISLAIN ACADEMY! milK FA IX SESSION of this Imtltutlou will ULPCII Ull Wednesday, Nofember 21st, 1871. SUMMER SESSION of Five Months closes on October anil, 1871. Whole number of Pupils in attendance during Term rVS Average Attendance 60 Thankful for the patronage of the people, grate ful for all favors, mid honing that age may Im prove tire school hoih 111 prestige and usefulness, we promise to exert all our eltorls to secure the advancement. Intelligence, nud general Interests ot the pupils entrusted toour charge. I. AMI. C. PALM, Principal. W. L. BiticKl.ET, Assistant. W. H. Cisna. M. D..of lekesburg. has been en catted for this Institution as l.eciuieroii Anatomy, Physiology. &c. Ills lectures during the session now closing, were Interesting and instructive, nun seemed to be appreciated by the Students aud well received by the people. 421 f Ml ,KMM T"Y A HKOIITM KNFT1 ISl'LKNDll VUhOltTMliM X DRY-0001) CI 11V-G00DO Suited to the Season, Are Mow Offered for Bale by P. MOSTIJIER, & CO. Wage Line Between Newport and Ken lieruianlown. STAOES leave New (,'erinautown dally at fistar o'clock a. iu. Laiidlsbui g ul 7. 30 a. in. Ureeu park at a. iu. New Bloomlleid at V'i a. in. Arriving at Newport to connect with the A. coiiiiiindation train East. Returning leaves Newport on the arrival of the Mail Train from Philadelphia, at 2.30 u. in. 2. KICK, Proprietor. HTJMOEOUS Tery Sick. ALMOST every day, on one of our prin cipal thoroughfares, can be seen a halo, hearty-looking gentleman, dressed with scrupulous care, but .with a look of profound depression on his countenance. Indeed, ho la a conftrraod hypochondriac. Ho thinks he is the unfortunate victim of every ill that flesh is hoir to. Walking along- yesterday he saw two young men furtively watching him, and nccidently overheard their subjoined conversation. " " You don't thiuk h'U live long, then?" said one. "O no, certainly not he's bound to die before the wlntor's over." " And do you think we can get his body?" "Certainly, it's all arranged." It may bo imagined such words produced no very favorable impressions. In fact, th gentleman felt cold chills coming over him perhaps it was to him thoy wero alluding. Ho determined to ascertain. Approaching tho youths he inquired if ho might bo per mitted to know their calling. " Wo are medical students, sir." " And was it of mo you were speaking a moment since?" The young men colored with confusion, and hesitated for an answer. "I)eg you will be candid," said the" gentleman. "I should like to know." " Well 1 yes sir, we were alluding to you." ''And you say it's arranged to get tny body after I .tlio?" ' Yes sir, I said so." "And is it a fact?" Certainly." , "Todisticct?" "Yes." At each interrogatory tho gentleman' countenance got a sliailo paler. Evidently hia mental anguihh exceeded all his phys ical ills ; he was Htiitei iiig now in earnest. 'Will you bo kind enough to tell me why this particular injury is reserved for me?" ho asked, plaintively. "Is it necessary to ndvance the cause of science?"' ' Well, you see, sir, we want to find out wlmt tho matter is with you. You aro always sick, and yet are ever growing fat, are always complaining, and yet ever eat ing. You look well, nnd yet are an invalid. We want to cut you open and discover M entgrna.' " You do ! well, allow mo to say that I don't intend to bo cut open. I shall get well. , I'm well now. I intend to keep so." And the invalid turned on his heel, fully resolved not to die. tW A lady iu a towu not a thousand miles away was considerably annoyed by hens who picked the looso plastering from the wall. So ono morning while washing dishes, jSho thought she heard her fowls pecking as usual, and dish cloth in hand, sho hastened to tho door, aud giving her rag a warlike flourish, bIio uttered a tre mendous "shoo-ool" Imagino her dis may at beholding, not . tho hens but a stranger, who, after wiping from his facet the drops of dishwater with which ho had been sprinkled, said in a perfectly calm voice, "Well, mum, if you've got any more spare rags, I should like to sell you soma tin-ware for 'em." , (37Au Irishman, being annoyed by a howling dog in the night, jumped out of bed to dislodgo tlio oU'ender. It was in the month of January, when the snow was thiee feet deep. Ho not returning, hi wife ran out to see what was the matter. There she found her husband in his night suit, his teeth chattering and his whole body almost paralyzed with cold, holding tho struggling dog by the tail. "-Holy mother, Fat," said sho, "what would ye be after doin ?" "Hush," said ho, "don't ye seo ? I'm tryin' to fraze the baste 1" Rf At a trial, noMong since, one of the witnesses, an old lady of some eighty years, was closely questioned by the open ing counsel relative- to tho clearness of her eyesight. "Cau you sou mo ?" said he. "Yes," was answered. " How well can you soo me," persisted tho lawyer. " Well enough," responded tho lady, " to see thnt you are neither a negro, an Indian, nor a gentleman." The answer brought down the houso. rST Our Major says an old Mexican vol unteer, had very long feet, and also a horse that threw every one but tho Major. One evening tho Major's scrvetit was out on the purado ground with tho horsn, aud, as usual got thrown oiT. whon ono of the boys spoke up and said : " I know why tho horse don't throw tho Major 1" "Why?" 'was asked by a dozen or mora. , " Well, you seo the Major's got such long feet that tho horse thinks ho is in shafts." t3?"Ono political economist writes that "it is an appalling fact, that if Iho Amer ican people wero called to pay their taxes in ono day, there , would liot be money enough in the country to do it. , To whicU another replies that it Is an appalling fact, that if tho American people were called ujion oat in one day, the food which they consume in a year, there would not be room in tho Ameiicnn poople to hold it." t""Astor and I," said a New York boot-Muck "are worth millions." MKH DTKAM JOBOIfriclt.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers