riiotogfaplis I riiotosraphs
JACOB COBLE,
Photographic Artist,
NEWPORT, VENN' A.
THE subscriber would respectfully on!l tlio nt
tendon (it the citizens. n( this count v to t tie
fact that lie Is prepared, to taltft 1'HOTOURA l'HS
in the best style of the art. Ills long experience
enables him to prnduco
PICTURES WHICH CAXXOT HE EX
CELT, 1:1).
All persons nrc requested to call at Ills rooms and
examine specimens.
1'artlcular attention given to copying likenesses
or deceased persons, nnd great care will bo taken
to furnish
Good Pictures of Children.
Framing material and a good assortment of frames
always on hand, and for sale at low prices.
JACOII COBLE, Artist,
Newport, Terry Co., To
Bloomfield Academy !
An English ami Classical School
FOll
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
Young Men Prepared For College.
A Normal Scluml and a School of Art.
FALL TERM COMMENCES
On Monday, the 2$ih of Aiiyust, 1871
AS the aliove school has recently been le-organ-ized,
students canenter any lime.
I'rnf. VM. II. DILL, a graduate of Itutger's Col
lege, N. .1.. 1'rlncipal.
Miss ANN A K. AVOSPl'IiflKlt, a graduate of
Esther Institute, Columbus, Ohio, teacher of Mu
sic, Painting, Drawing, French and German,
lively facility for the training of the youth of both
sexes In all that constitutes a liberal and thorough
education.
Tlio I'ollegintc Department
embraces all the higher branches, Including the
Latin and Greek Languages, Kngiueei liig, Practi
cal Surveying, Literature, Natural Science and ad
vanced Mathematics.
Vacations: July and August, nnd ono week at
Christ mas.
Terms: For Hoarding, Furnished Itoom, Wash
lug. Tuition in Latin, Greek, Hnglish liranchesand
Mathematics, lor the scholastic year, Sltw.
in vacations. J-JOO.IX).
The Hoarding Department Is at the institution,
under the supervision of Willam (iiier. iisq., by
whom good and substantial board will be fur
nished: and the pupils will be under the strict care
of tlio Principal. Address
W. If. DILL, A. M. Principal,
VYII.IilAlM 1,1111'."..
New Bloomllcld, Terry county, I1.
NATUltK'H
Hair Restorative I
Contains NO I, AO HULPHUR No HUG Alt OF
I.KAD No LITHAIIGK No NITKATK OP
hi l.VKK.and Is entirely free from the Poisonous
and Health-destroying Drugs used In other Hair
Preparations.
Transparent and clear as crystal, It will not soil
the finest fabric norfeetly BAPK, -'LKAN, and
KKF1C1KNT desldcratuius LONG BOUGHT
I'Oit AND. FOUND AT LAST 1
It restores and prevents the Hair from becom
ing Gray, Imparts a soft, glossy apiiearance, re
moves Dandrult, Is cool and refreshing to the
head, checks the Hair from falling otf, and restores
It to a great extent when prematurely lost, pre
vents Headaches cures all H uniiirs, Cutaneous
Krutitlons, and tinniitural Heat AH A DHUHH
lN(i FOlt THE HA1K1T IS THE BEAT AH'llC'LK
IN THE MAKKEi.
Dr. o. Hmlth, Patentee, Groton Junction, Mass.
Preparel only by Procter Ill-others, Gloucester,
llnss. The Genuine Is put up In a panel bottle,
made expressly for It, with the name of the article
blown In the glass. Ask yo ur Druggist for Na
ture's llulr llestoratlve, and take no oilier. .
fend a three cent Ktamp to Trocter Bros, for a
Treatise ou the Human Hair. The Information It
contains Is worth f&uu 00 to any person,
CHEAP GOODS!
T
il K subsci-lber havtuir onened a new Store, one
doorKastof Hweeer's Hotel, solicits a share
of the public patronage. He has Just received a
lull supply of
3V Ci v O- O O 1 H ,
and will constantly keep on hand, a complete as
sortment of
DRYOOODS,
, QUEEX8WARB
BOOTS A SHOES,
GROCERIES
HARDWARE.
JIATSdiCAFS.
A lid Everything else usually kept la Stores.
ir Call and see my stock.
ROIl'T. N. WILLIS,
New Bloomfield, P.
42
ASPI.EXI)IT i NNDHTMKNm
D
RY - GOOD CI
It Y. GOOD O
Suited to the Season,
Are Now Offered for Bale by
T. MORTIMEB, & CO.
! ALL KINDS of Printing neatly
executed at the f IlsuomriiCLO
Timm" brain JOB Orrius.
A GREAT MEDICAL DISCOVERY
S Dr. WALKER'S OALIFOILNIA
VINEG-AR BITTERS
sfi Hundreds of Thousands g J
u Bear testimony to their Wonder- & 2
o lul (jurutlvs Effects. 8 f
SEs' WHAT ARE THEV9 SSI
gsf g si
:n lii
V
05 J L TOUT AT.K NOT A VILE
,11 FANCY DRINK,
Msdoof Poor Itnm, Whiskey, Provf t'plrlts
mid Kcfuao l.lqiiurM doctored, spiced nndswixt
tned to please tho tasto, cnllod"Tontc8,""Api)ci;.
crE," ' Itcstorcrs," c, that lend tho tippler on to
drunkenness and ruin, bet tiro a trno Medicine, r.is;:o
from the Katlvo Boots and Herbs of California, free
from till Alcolivllo ritltnulnntn. Thcycro t!:o
UltF.AT BI.OOD PL'KIl'lIClt mid A MI'i;
UIVINU l'RlNt'Il'l.F.oporact Hcr.ovntor r...J
Invlgorator of l!io Kj'ttc:n, carrying o!T all po!Eor.o:.j
matter and restoring tho blood to n healthy coiuilt'.c.:.
Ko person can tako thesa Bitters accorilloK to Llric
tton and remain long unwell.
8100 will bo glvcnforan Incurable cam, rr.v!i'.l
tlio bones are not destroyed by miner:.! ii'l:i cr
other means, and tho vital orgnus wasted btyoi.u t'..o
point of repair.
For lnfliiniiiiiitoi-y nnd Clirouio ltliciiinn
tintn nnd (Jout, Dyspepsln, r Indigestion,
DIUciuh, Iteiiilnciit nnd Intermittent 1'ovurn
Discust of (be lltood, I.lver, Kidneys, nnd
Hludilcr tlieso JtlitcrB have been inobt success
ful. rueh Dlsenncs nro cr.nctd by Vi! luted
Hlofid, vliich Is generally produced by dcranuimtut
Of tho DiaCKllvo Ol'KUUH.
DVSPlil'SilA 1NDIGESTIOX, Head
ache. Pain la tho bliouU ore, couctas, TiKhtucos of llio
Chest, Dizziness, bocr Kructatlons cf tho fctonmclt,
liad tnsto In the Month, Bilious Attacks, Palpitation
of tho Heart, Inflammation of tlioLnngn, Tain in tho
regions of tho Kidneys, and a hundred other pkjilul
eyuptcms.nro tho oUsirlngoof Drspcpsto. . -
They lnvlgorr.ta tho Stomach and etimutnto tue tor
pid liver and bowels, which render them of ancquallcd
efficacy In cleansing the blood of all lmpurltlco, and
Imparting new Ule nnd viyor to tho wliolo syctcni.
Kilt SKIN DISEAbEfS, Ernptlons, Tetter, Ealt
lthcum, HlotthcB, tSpote, I'lniplcs, Puctulcs, Dolls, Cor
banclcs, itlng-Worms, Ecalti-Uead, Coro Eyes, Erysip
elas, Itch, EcnrfH,' ll8ooloratlona of tho Bkin, Humors
and TJlscaBCB of the bklu, of whatovcr namo or naturo,
aro literally d'Jg up and carried out or tho system In a
short tlrou By the woof Uieso Ultters. Ono bottle In
each cases will convlnco tho most Incredulous of their
curattvo effect.
Clcanso tho Vitiated Dloort whenover you nnd Its
Impurities bursting tlironi;h tho skin In I'lmplos, Erup
tions or BorcB ; clounuo it when you And It obstructed
and elogidsh In tho veins t clcanso it when It la foul,
and your fctllnns will tell youwlion. Keep tlio blood
pure and tho health of tho syctcm will follow, r
PIN TAPIS end oUior WOKIHW, lurking In tho
system of so many thoiisando, aro effectually destroy
ed and removed, l or full lUructiuns, read carefully
tho elrcnlur around oneh bottle, printed lu fuur lou
guogos Kuglltih.lioriimu, Froncli and Bpanislu
J. WALKER, Proprietor. It. II. McDON ALD Si CO.,
Druggists and Ccn. Agents, Enn Francisco, Ctl
and 83 and 84 Couiuiureo Street, Kcw York.
trSQU) DT ALL DUUUCISTS AND DEALEU8.
1780 TAKE NOTICE. 1871
Aro You Afflicted or Sick ?
U8E
PAHBNEY'S
BLOOD CLEANSER
on
P A N A C K A !
AN Alterative and Cathartic, or Tonic and
Purge, for diseases arising from bad blood.
llils preparation was established In 1870,and
lias been prepared In liquid form for more than
1 years. In January or February, 1870, anoth
er party commenced to prepare a bluillnr article
which Is Inferior to the genuine, and which
should not be mistaken for ours. Ask for "Dit.
Faiiiiney'8 Blood Cleanbkii oh Fanacea,"
and accept no others.
i lie Trade Mark ot the oldest and genuine,
Is printed In green on a yellow wrapper, hav
InK also the elguuturo off. Fahrney, M. D.,
Chlcngo.
" J)r. r. Fahrney' t Health Mciienrjer" gives
the history and uses of the Blood Cleanser,
testimonials, and other information, sent free
charge. Address
Dit. P. FAiinxEr's BitoTnAs & Co.,.
Waynesboro, Franklin County, Pa.
Ask for Dr. Fahrncy's Blood Cleanser and
CLKANSE YOUlt 11LOOU,
RT 8old everywhere and In New Bloomfield
by F. Moutimeh & Co., only. 5 18
CLOTHING MADE TO OliDEU!
A CHOICE ASSORTMENT OF
Always on hand, from which to select.
Clothin
MADE TO
ORDER
CLOTIIIXU
READY-MADE CLOTHING of Superior
Quality always on hand.
JP, Mortimer tC Co.,
March 16, '!. New BloouiUeld.l'a.
A Perfectly Non-Explosive Lamp I
PEKKIN8 IIOUHK'H PATENT LAMPS are
the only Ijnnp that (iivts iEHYVA j Hafetit
with ail KiNi'xor oil. i ncy are inuiie 01 mass,
aua win last a uieiime, muaiiig inem ine
CHEAPEST LAMP IN THE WORLD.
The undersigned are A Rents for Perry County,
and will minilv Merchant at the MunuftuitururM'
puce, l'ermuis wuntliig a good articlo are re-
quesiea to exauiiue tins mini).
F. MOUTIMEB II CO., ,
New Bloomfield, Ta.
v Ageuts wanted to canvass the County.
V" !
VwW' I if!
"oil's
S . jjlsgfl Heady
ml In Made
CONSUMPTION.
ITS CURE AND ITS PREVENTIVE.
By J. E. S0I1EK0K, M. D.
Kiinv a hnmnn belnir has paused nwny fhr whose
lleatn there wks noolherreiuion than the ncitleetof
known and IndHpulahly proven niCHiK of cure.
Those near nnd dear to family nnd friends are
ninepins; the dreamless slumber luto which, basl
t ln-v calm I r adopted
ik. joneiii ii. wrirKwrK'st Ninpi.R
THKAT.H EKT,
nd ftrntled themsi'ives of his wonderfully etuca
cliiiis mellclnm, they would not have nilli'n.
lr. Hehenck has In his own eote proved tlmt
wlinrever miltlolent vllitltlv rnmalns, flint vitality,
hy IiIh medlrinen und hh dfreclious for their use, la
quickened Into healthful vlK'ir.
In this statement there is tiothlnft presumptuous.
To the faith of the Invalid Is made no representation
that Is not a thommiri time sulMtantlated bv llvitiir
and visible works. The theory of tho euro hy Ifr.
Hrlienrk'a niKllclnos Is as simple m It is nnfnltluir.
Its philosopby rwiuln-H no argumeiit. Itlaself-utf-surlnir.
RPli-eonvlru'hip.
TheMea-weed 'i'onlennd Mandrake Pitts are the
first two weapons with whlrh tlio citadel of the
malady Is assailed. Two-thlrtls ofthe cases of con
sumption orlKinate In dyspepsia nnd a fmietionnllv
disordered liver. With this eondltlnn thebronrlilul
tulies " sympathize" with the stomneh. Thev re
Hinnd to lliemorhlllcnellonofthe liver. Hero then
comes the culiiiluntiUK result, and the Setting iu,
wlttl ull Its dlstressinir svmptoms nf
(s( ni-riov.
The Mandrake rills are composed of one of ?f o
tnre's noblest glfta the Poilophlllnm lvlialuui.
They possess nil the btood-Krarelihiff, alterative
uropertles of calomH, hilt, unlike ralomel. tbey
"l.t:VK NO KTI1 IIKIIIM."
The work of cure Is now lHilnnhiir. Ttie vitiated
and mucous deposit in the bowels nnd In the ali
mentary eunal are ejected. The liver, like acloek,
ts wound up. It. arouses from its torpidity. The
sloinaeh acta responsive iv, and tho patient begins
tu fuel Hint be Is Knttlnv, at last,
a Ni i'i-i.v liimn m.oon.
The Hea-weed 'IVmle, In eoiijnnclloii with tlin Pills,
permeates and assimilates with Ibe food. Chvlin.
cntlou Is now proxressliiK without its previous tor
tures. DlKestlon heeotnes puinless, and tliecureis
seen to be at luuid. There fs no more Itatnlenee. no
ejaeerbntlon or Itie stomach. A u appetite seta In.
Now comes the greatest lllood Further ever vet
given hy an Indulgent luiber to sintering mini.
Sclienck's l'lilmonh' Hyrnp comes 111 to perform its
functions nnd U) hasten and complete the cure. It
enters at onee upon its work. Nature can not lie
cheated. It collects and ripens the Impaired nnd
diseased portions of Ibe hulk's, lu the form of
KalherhiKs, It prepares them for expectoration, and
lol in a very short time the malady Is vanquished,
the rotten throne that It occupied Is renovated and
made new, nnd the patient, in all thedlirnlty of re
gained vigor, steps forth to enjoy tho uuwhuod or
womanhood that was
, ivt:st TP AS LOST.
The second Ihlng Is, tlio patients must Slav In ft
warm muni until lliey net well ; II Is almost Impos
sible In prevent laklnn cold when the Iiiiiks are dis
eased, but It must be prevented or a cure can not be
cited ed. fresh air and ridlim out. especial I v In this
section of the country, In the fall and whiter sen
son, are ail wromr. PhvslcliuiH who recommend
that eoiinso loae their patients, If their longs are
tunlty diseased; and vet, because thev nro In tlio
' house they must not sit down unlet; thev must walk
about Ihe room as murh and as fust as the strength
will bear. In gut up a good circulation orhlood. The
patients must keep In good spirits be determined
to gel well, This bus a great deal to do with tho
appetite, and i i the groat point to gain.
To despair of cure after such evidence of IIS pos.
stbllltv In tho worst cnwi-s, ami moral rertnllltv in
till others. Is sinful. Jir. Hehenck's personal si'ale
nient to the Faculty of his own euro was in the.'ie
modest words :
"ill any years ago I was hi the last stan-os of con
sumption: confined 10 my bed, ami al one time niv
lihyslrlinistbouglillbat looiild not ll eaweek; the.i.
liken drowning man catching nt straws, I heard of
and obtained Ihe preparations which 1 now odor to
the publlo, und they made u perfeet cure of mo. It
seamed 10 me that. I conhl feel them penetrate niv
whole system. They anon ripened theinntter In my
lungs, nnd I would spit up more thnmi plnlorollcu
slvu yellow matter every morning lor a long time.
"As soon as that began to subside, mv cough,
fever, pains, nnd night-sweats all began to leave me,
and my appetite became so great that it was with
dllllculty Hint I could keep from eating too much.
1 soon gained uiy strength, and have grown in llesh
ever since. . , .
" I was weighed shortty after mr reoeverv," added
the Iloetor, "Ihen tookingllkoaiuaraskeleljnii; my
weight was only uliiety-seven pounds; my present
weight Is two hundred and twentv-flveOi'.ia) pounds,
and for years I haveoujnyed uninterrupted health.'1
Dr. Sebonck has discontinued Ills professional
visits to tw York and lloston. R a or his son. Dr.
V-i fehenck, Jr., still continue to seo patients at
their Oltlce, No. IS North Mljitli Ktreet, Philadelphia,
every (Saturday from 9 a.m. to p.m. Those who
wish a thorough examination with the Mesplrn
nieterwlll bechnrgisHfi. The Resplrometer declares
the exact condition of the lungs, and patients can
readily learn whether they are curable or not.
The directions for taking the medlcinaa are adapt
ed to the Intelligence even of ft child. Follow tlioso
directions, and kind Nature will do the rest, except
ing that In some cases the .Mandrake pills are to be
taken In Increased doses; the three medicines need
no other accompaniments than the ample Instruc
tions that accompany them: First create appetite,
(if returning health, hunger Is the most welcome
symptom. When It enmos, as It will come, lot the
despairing at once be of good cheer. Oood blood at
once follows, the cough loosens, the night-sweat Is
abated. In a short time, both of these morbid nam.
toms are gone forever.
Dr. Hehenck's medicines are constantly kept In
tens of thousands of families. As a laxative or pur
gative, the Mandrake Pills are a standard prepara
tion; wh ile the Pulmonic Hyrup, as a curt oT coughs
and colds, may tie regarded as a prophjrlacturlo
against consumption in any of Its forms.
I'rlce of the Pulmonic ayrup aud Hea-weed Tonic.
JV-Vl a bottle, or 7.&0 a half down. Mandrake Pills
Ii cen ts a box. For sale by all druggist and dealers.
Mrs 1ttivaMi tlni i 1 v Jl. rVMi,f.i.u aoo ,...l
Btrcet, I'lilhuiu'liililii', Wholesale Agents.' 6 i!3 ly
3STEW YORK
C ON TIN ENT A L
Life 1 Insurance Company,
OF NEW YORK,' '
STIIJCTLY M VTVAL t
AhhcIm, ,., J
IHSliKSallthenew firrms of Policies, and jr
sents as favuruble terms as any cuiniiuiiy lu the
United Mates,
The (Jompauy will iniOte .temjicriiry hsjne on Its
Policies.
Thirty days' grace allowed nn each payment, nnd
the policy held good during that time.
Policies Issued by this Company are min-forfclt-ure.
No extra charges are made fur traveling iierinlts.
Policy holders share In Hie annual prolllsol the
Oouipany. iiinl have n, voice 111 the elections and
management of theOoiupaiiy.
JNo pulley or medical fee charged.
Justus I.awhf.nck. Pres't.
M. B. WvNBixip, Vice Pres't
J. F.ItooEUS, Bec'y,
J. K. KATON,
(icnciitl Agent, '
No. 6 North Third Htreet,
4.2V yl College llluck, Ilarrlsburg, Pa. '
S300
, COMMUTATION MONEY,
The above amount will be refou tided to all sol
diers who were drafted while In live service, and
who paid 1'UiUconiniiitaltiin money ; und also to all
persons who paid cumuiutallon money who were
not legally liable tn draft. Claims must be tilled
before the 1st of March, 1871 . Cull on. or addrctg,
I.F.W1H 1'0'ITEH. Attorney for Chilniaiits,
New llloomlleld, Pa.
OTIC E. Notice Is hereby Riven that nil
persons are nuDitiuen to enter the vine-
yard of the aulncrllx-r without his permission
All nersona found therein without li
person nmnu iiirrem niuiuub ins license are
siilifnc.t to a fine for tresliassillul. No visltora ara
1
allowed In the Vineyard upon the Muhbath day.
All visitors are heartily welcome upon auy other
day of the week.
" BENJAMIN RICK, Jr.
Klllottsburg, Pa SJSteow
English Hoofing Felt
Is found to stand well In all climates, hclng; ex
tensively used for Roofing; Houses, Out-Dtilld-lngs
and Bhods; for Laying Flat Roofs, Gutters,
Lining Granaries, Storehouses, er Walls,
(either outsldo or inside), and for placing un
der Slates or Tiles. It Is also a cheap and
effective Celling on the underneath side of raf
ters of a Slated or Tiled Roof, nnd as a Celling
to Iron Roofs, counteracting Heat, Frott, and
Condensation of Moisture.
The English Felt Is put up In rolls of 25
yards lu length, by 83 Inches in width, and
containing a sttrfneo of 200 square feet.
THREE-PLY FELT FOR ROOFINO.
In Rolls, 20 Inches wide, by 60 feet iu length;
each roll will cover a Btirfaco 10 feet square, or
100 square fcot.
It Is to be laid across tho roof, shingle fash
ion, with a lnp of two inches, and secured by
nailing the edges with 3d nails aud tin caps.
When laid, the Felt is to be painted with
Mnstlc Roof Coating, and Snndcd. , The Mas
tic lioof Coating Is mixed, rendy for use, and
is applied witli a brush.
TARRED ROOFING FELT.
Vsed extensively for Sheathing Houses, nnd for
Tur nnd Gravel Rooting, also for placing under
Slate, Tin nnd Shingle lioollng.
It is used in packing Woolens nnd Furs to
protect them from moths.
Put up In rolls weighing 45 pounds each.
15 pounds Felt will cover a surface, of 100
square fect.
TWO - PLY FELT,
For Sheathing Houses, Roofing Temporary
Buildings, making Wuter,Tlght Floors, und for
placing under Slate and ShlngleH.
In rolls, 20 inches wide by 50 feet in length.
Ench roll will cover a surface of 10 fect square
or 100 square fect.
For Sheathing It can bo nulled upon the stud
ding, milking a perfectly nlr tight sheathing,
nnd sure protection from dampness. Ruts,
mice, or vermin will not go near it.
MICA CANVAS ROOFING,
Iu rolls containing 250 squnro feet. Is to lie
laid across the roof, and lapped shingle fash
ion with a lap of two Inches, nnd secured by
nailing tho edges with 20 oz. tacks.
This Is the only Composition Hooting that
docs not require a lliiiulilng cotit of paint or
cement.
VNTARRED SHEATHING FELT,
For Carpet Lining, Domiciling Floors, and for
putting under Slate, Tin nnd Shingle Rooling.
Put tip lu rolls weighing 100 pounds.
10 pounds Felt will cover a surface 10 feet
square, or 100 square feet.
MANUFACTURED BY THE
PENN ROOFING CO.,
103 South 2nd Street,
5 33 l!iit l'lIII.ADKI.l'IUA, l'A.
irAJimVAltE!
ILUlDWAllE!
rpHE subscribers have on hand at all times,
as complcto an assortment of Hardware
as can be found lu the county.
NAILS,
HINGES,
LOCKS,
GLASS, '
l'AlNTS & OILS,
and ft tlno assortment of all styles of
Builders J fa rdivare,
' " Also, -
CAllPENTEIt TOOLS,
TABLE CUTLERY,
COFFEE MILLS, "
SPOONS,
SHOVELS,
HOES,
, and a full stock of '
Hardware of Every Description,
All of which will bo sold at the lowest market
prices. Persons wanting any article in this
line nre requested to call and exnmtneourstocK
F. MORTIMER & CO.,
New Bloomfield, Pa.
The Colby Wringer
WITIf
Moulton's Patent Rolls.
The Most Perfect !
The Cheapest I
' And lkt S'rhcier in the 'World
Rolls arc pure white Rubber. Frame can
never rot, rust or wear out. It takes less
room than any other, Is lighter, fastens Itself
to the tun, runs easier, and Is THIS FAMILY
FAVORITE wherever used,
It Is WARRANTED In everv case. We want
' LIVE ACENTS
to canvass In every town, to whom good wagos
are Insured. Full Instructions and particulars
given upon application to Colby Uko's s lo.,
508 Broudway. N. Y. 6 32 a 13.
Pensions, Bounties, &c.
stwtnmra mat ..- iilii.Im. HI . .1 1. nr. 17.. , Ku..-
&c.,of Soldiers who were killed or died of
disease contracted In tne rservice 01 me uniteo
kihIm ..mm now mukH annlicatlon for Tension.
Also Moldiers who contracted disease or were
wounded, ruptured, or lu any way disabled In the
1UU1 of 1KI11 ,
When widows die or re-marry, the child or
children under sixteen years of age are cntiUcd to
a Pension.
The time for mint; claims for additional bounty
has been extended six mouths.
Particular attention Rlventoold suspended case
In the dltterent departments al Washington, 1. C
If you have, or think you have a claim UKulnst the
Government, call on or address the uiulersiKued.
ISO cbarne fur Information.
J.EWIl POTTKU, )
Attorney (or Claimants,
4 SI NEW BLOOM FIELD, FA
HUMOROUS ITEMS.
JfcSy Out West a trunk fuotorv was
changed into a saloon. The keeper mere
ly made a I) out of tho T in the first
word ot tho Bigu.
iS3S Whnt is the difference between an
entrance to a barn, onda loafer in a print
ing omce. une is a Darn door and tho
other is a darn bore.
JBSy A " gent" was onco aftkod what
iind of a " gnl" he preferred for a wifo.
;)nc, ho said, that wasn't prodi-ift?, but
ru-ffitl, a truc-ynl, and suited to his con-VL-rjal
taste.
BfiS-A fashionable ladv latolv ilmnnnil
one of her eyebrows in tho church pew,
and dreadfully frightened a young man
sitting next to her, who thought it was
his moustache.
t&" Children nro inquisitive bodies
for instanco : " What docs cleave mean,
father?" " It means unite together."
" Docs John unito wood when ho cleaves
it ?" " Hem, well it means to separate."
"Well, father, docs a man scparato from
his wifo when ho cleaves to her ?"
" Hem, hem, don't ask so many foolish
questions, child."
J56S" " I once dreamed," said l'at, "that
called upon tho President, nnd be axed
mo mo wud I drink. I told him I didn't
care if I tuk a drop of punch." "Cold
or hot ?" axed tho President. " Hot,
yer excellency," said I ; nnd ho stepped
down in the kitchen for some bilin' wa
ter ; and before ho got back, I woke
straight up ; and now it's distressin' mo
that I didn't take it could."
tfoy A thirsty gent enters the bar-room
of u first-class hotel early in tho day.
" .Landlord. 1 guess 1 vo got senso
etiouch to tnko n drink this morning."
Obsequious bur-tender furnishes the
desired beverage, and tlio thirsty gent
smiles, smacks his lips, and remarks :
" ell, old fop, thats prime, but I m
cussed if I've got cents enough to pay
for it." '
IStf A Clcrgym au in the country had
a stranger preaching for him ono day
and meeting his beadlo, ho said to him :
" Well, Saunders, how did you like tho
sermon to-dny ?"
" I watna, sir, it was rather o cr plain
and simplo for me," replied tho beadle.
' 1 like sermons that bcjuuihlo tho ludg-
ment and confound the sense ; od, sir, I
never saw one that could could come up
to yourself at that."
BSy " Bo my soul," says l'at, picking
up a pair of snuflcrs, and examining
them, " Thnt's a quare scissors !" "Scis
sors, darlin," responded his companion,
" sure thnt's no scissors; that's what they
call snuffers.". " Suuffors for what's
that?" " Sure for snuffing tho candle."
O oo oo oo, says l'at, " 1 have it
now," and suiting the action to the word,
he forthwith pulled tho snuff from tho
eandlo with his fingers, deposited it in
tho box, shutting the snultera together,
exclaiming with wonder-staring eyes
" Be me soul, but it's a nate invention,
isn't it?"
USy " Bridget, bring me tho castor-oil;
tho baby is sick."
' " It's nil gone, inarm ; there's not a
drop left." ' '
" All gone ! Why I we have not opened
the bottle."
" Sure, you have had it every day,
and I have seen you uso it myself, on
your salad." . . .
" Why, you don t moan to say we havo
been eating castor oil every day during,
the season ?"
" Sure you have."
" But didn't you see tho bottlo was
labeled caster oil V
" Sure an' I did ma'am, and didn't I
put it into the castor every day?"
A ncw-funglod system of singing
the hymns has crept into some of our
churches of late years, which frequently
leads to positions, which, but for the sa
credness of the occasion, would go very
far toward the ludicrous. Tho favorite
repetition ofthe first syllable has not un
frequently beon known to result in such,
doubtful harmonies as these : '
r "My poor pol-,
My poor pol-,
My poor polluted heart."
And , .
" Our great sal-, . ;
Our great sal-,
Our great salvation comes."
Again a stranger was surprised to hear
a choir sing to the best of their ability :
, " Wo'll catch the floe-, ,
We'll catch the Hee-,
We'll catch the fleeting hours."
It is hoped nobody was bitten.
We are aocustouied to regard the
Yankee character as combining more of
a certain kind of ingenuity iu small things
than any other. If, however, the fol
lowing bo truo, wo must own that a Ger
man can ever compote with a Yankee in
this particular. It is said that a German
horse trainer gainod a great reputation
for making his horses acquire a lofty im
posing tread. ihis lie accomplished
without cruelty, and ly some means un
known to his competitors, until at last, it
was discovered thut he drove his horses
with magnifying goggles, which mado
the stones of the pavement look so large
that tbe horses in the effort to step over
them acquired the high step for which
tbey were famous.