Stljc imc0, New Bloomficltn )cl 4lt Bloomficld Academy! JCiifllsh and ClUHsicul School Fori 'LADIES AND GENTLEMEN Young Men Prepared For College. .1 A d S'hi"l inula S'hool of Art. FALL TERM COMMENCES On Monday, the 237. of August, 1871 AS the above school has recently been ro-organ-i.ed, students canentcr any time. J'rof. VM. II. DILL, a graduate "I KutRer'sCol Icire, N. J., Principal. Miss ANNA K. AL'OSrintnElt, a Graduate o Fsther Institute, Columbus, Ohio, teacher ot Mu sic, Painting. Drawing, French nnd German. Kvery facllily fur the training of the youth of both sexes In all that constitutes a liberal and thorough education. k9 Tit Colleglulo Department embraces nil tho higher branches, Including Ihe Latin and (ircek Languages, Engineering, Tract -eat Surveying, Literature, Natural Science and ad vanced IMatheniiilies. Vacations: July and August, and one week at ' Teniis: For Hoarding. Furnished Itoom. Wash ing. Tuition III Latin, Crock, F.ngllsh llr.-iiichesnnd Mathematics, for tho scholastic year, SIHu. iiivacatloiis.-8'.woo. t, , , 'rim itnniillnir Deoartment Is nt the lust lit on. under the supervision of Wlllani drier, Ksq., by whom good and subslantial board will bo fur nlshed: and the pupils w ill be under the strict euro of the Principal. Address W. H. DILL, A. M. Principal, WILLIAM CIMKK. New Bloomlicld, Perry county, Pa. riiotoraplis 1 riiotosraplis 4 JACOJi COH L1C, Photographic Artist, NEWPORT, PEXN'A. Till! subscriber would respectfully call the at tention of tho citizens of this county t the fact that he is prepared to take PHOTO! lit A PI IS in the best style of the art. Ills long experience enables him to produce PICTURES WllICIT CAXXOT HE EX CELLED. All persons arc requested to call at his rooms and examine specimens. Partluular attention given to copying likenesses of deceased persons, and great care will be taken to f mulsh Good Pictures of Children. Framing material and a good assortment of frames always on hand, and for sale at low prices. JACOJi COBLE, ArtM, Newport, Perry Co., Pa THE BEST IN USE THE PARHAM NEW FAMILY Hewing Machine, rT combines all the best teatures of other good L nmcliiuea, with ' ' , New and Valuable Improvements, which make it THE EASIEST AND MOST (JUIET ItUNNIN-J as well at the Mat Slniolo Machine In Use. ( ) WILL HEM IT WILL BRAID, IT WILL TUCK IT WILL GATHER, IT WILL QUILT, and will use either 811k, Cotton, or Linen Thread with equal ease. It uses a straight needle and makes a stitch ALIKK ON BOTH HIDHH. The principal office of the company is at , ... yo, 704 CVieafnuf Street, PHILADELPHIA. These machines are for sale In Perry County by JAMES L. DIVEN Landisburg. r. VLQ2TWE2, & CO., New Eloomfield. WBj public are invited to call at either oj tin ubove placet and see, a Machine in operation. Pensions, Bounties, &c. WIDOWS, Minor Children, Mothers, Fathers. &o., of Siddlers wlio were killed or died of disease contracted In the &ervlce of the United uiuioa n nnw make Hiiidleatlon for Pension. Also Holdlers who contracted disease or were wounded, ruptured, or lu auy way disabled in the war of lttol. ' .... Wlien widows die or re-marry, , the child or c4illdr. ii under sixteen years of age are entltlxd to The time for Bllns; claims for additional bounty lias been exieuueu six iiiuiiins. Particular attention nlven toold suspended case i. ,imuwiit Hfnarttiints at Washington. V. O If you have, or think you liave a claim aptiiist the 4iovernment, can on or auuress uo suuvibihwu. Ho chm ue for information. ' LEWIS FOTTEK, - ,. if -v.- Attorney for Claimants, jj KKW BL00MK1KLD, PA A GREAT MEDICAL DISCOVERY ' r$ Ir. WALKER'S CALIFORNIA VINEGAR BITTEES Hundreds of Thousands ? Jf 4 Bcsrtpstlmony to their Wonder. J e, 3 mi vuruiive uuecia. g WHAT ARE THEY ? gls 2 8 T" M 11 FANCY DRINK, II Made or Poor Rum, Whiskey, Proof Spirltn nnd llcfiiso I. ion ore doctored, spiced omlsmxt- ened to plcaso the tasto, cr.licd" lonlct,,"" Ai.pt-t::.-c::," " Itcetorcra," ao.( that lead tho tlrpli-r cn to i:T.n!cunnc?a and ruin, but area tnio Mallcinp, from tlio Eativo Boots and Hcrhri of Calll'omla, free 1 1 nin nil Ateoliolio KttliiilliintH. Thcyaio OltliAT 15I.OOI) PlIKIFIEJt mid A LIVE HIVINU ntlNCIl'l.Earcrrcct Innovator c::d Invlgoralor ef the KytUm, currying off all poiuor.o::.; matter and restoilnu tlio Mood to healthy cciu".it;; :-. 20 person can tr.ko tUeco BlLtora accoruiut; to (..fee tlon and rcinalu long unwell. - 8100 wuluo given foran IncuraMe. c:'.fo.rri.viiied tho bones aro not destroyed by i::!c.;.l c:.- .i or other mcaoo, and tho viul organs wo&U.l beyocutlio point of repair. For Iiiflnniiiuitnry nnd Chronio lklicii:r: tisin null (out, l)jiiiifla, ur IudlueHllou, Ullionti, Jteinlttciit nnd Intel iiiitluot Fcvern DlHcnucH ol ihu Itlood, Liver, Kidnryn, and Itlodder, tlicFo HKtcra hnvo been most tucci re fill, buch DlseCHin aio canccd by Vllluteil lllooil, which Is Bonerclly produced by tlerautnieut of the DIucHtivo Oi'driliH, DVSPEl'IA 0 1 1 N Dlf J EST f )?,, Kc.-.d ncuc, I'aln In tho t3h0Qli.erB, CotiKhaltfhtnLES ol tlio Chest, DlZElncss, Bour Kructatlono of tho Etomacli, Had tasto In tlio Month, JJIllous Attacks, Palpitation of tuo lloart, IntT&miuatlon of tlio I.angs, X'aln li tho rcRlonB of tlio Kidneys, nnd a hundred other iwilut 6yinptoms,nrc tho ofhtpringDnf Dyspcprkl. They Invlgorato tho btnmacli fcnd stfniulato tno tor pid liver and bowels, which render thorn of unequalled cfUcacy In cloant3lnK tlio blocd of all Impurities, and imparting now life and vlr'or to tho v,iiolo system. FOR SKIN 1 ISEAfcESS, 15rupt!on.i, Tetter, fialt Klicum, Blotches, potL, limplcu, I'cetulcs, Bolls, Car buncles, KlnK-Worli-B, tfcald-ltead, Toro Fycs,Kryslp clas.lteh, Bcurfu, lilraoloiatlomol' IhoGkln, Ilumors and Diseases of Uio bUln, of whntover natno or nature, aro literally d'ft up and carried out of tho system in a hort time by tho uso of these lllttcs. Ono bottlo In ouch cases will convince the most Incredulous ci tUclr curatlvo offect. Clcnnso tho Vitiated Blood whenever you find Its Impurltlct burst l:u ; tliroU'h tha skin in I'lmplos, Erup tions or fcci-cs ; cleuune It wlien yoallnd It obstructed and eiunflh li the vein; clenunn It when It is foul, and your feclhi-ta tIU tell you when. Keep tho blood puro and tho hcclth of tho system wilt follow. PIN, TAPEnr.d other WOI13IS, lurktns in tho cystcm of so many thousands, r.ro clTcctimlly destroy ed and removed, l or full directions, read carefully tho clrcnlur urotind cuch botilo, piluted In four lan gnagoa Kagllhli.tiLi-uian, t'r, nuUaiid tip..nuu. J. WALKER, rroprli tor. It. II. McJJOK ALD & CO., Drugglsta und ,en. AenU, baa Francisco, Cal,, and 83 and til Commerce Btreet, Nuw YorU. fir BOLD BT ALL lUl'JUGIETS AX1 LEALKI18. 1780 TAKE NOTICE. 1871 Are You Afflicted or Sick ? PAHRNEY'S BLOOD CLEANS Kit 2 P A N A C 10 A. AN Alterative and Cathartic, or Tonic and Puree, lor diseases arising from bad blood. This preparation was established In 18T0,and has been prepared In ltytIJ form for more thun IS years, lu January or February, 1 870, anoth er party commonced to prepare a. tluillur articlo which Is Inferior to tho genuine, and which should not be mistaken for ours. Ask for "Dr. Faiibney's Dlood Cleanser. or Panacea," und accept no others. The Trade Mark of the oldest and genuine, Is printed In green on a yellow wrapper, hav ing also the elguature of 1. Fuhrucy, M.D., Chicago. . ' hr. P, Fahrney't Ifadth McncHfler" gives the history and uses of the Blood Cleanbeh, testimonials, and other Information, sent free charge. Address Dn. P. FABIINr-T'l BliOTIIEBt A Co., V Waynesboro. Franklin County, Pa.' Ask for Dr.. Fajirney's Blood Cleanser and ' " ' CLHAX8K "YOUIt 1ILOOI). tW Bold everywhere nnd In New Bloomfleld by F. Moutimer & Co., only, 518 J CLOTHING MADE TO ORDER! A CHOICE ASSORTMENT OF Always on hand, from which to select. Clothing MADE TO order: CL0TH1NU READY-MADE CLOTHING of Superior Quality always oil hand. .F, Mortimer tf Co., March 16, '60. New BloomlielO, Pa. A Perfectly Non - Explosive Lamp I PKRK1NH HOimKPATKNT I, AMI'S are the only Lamp that (lives l'EnrKCT HavetV with aij. kinds or on. They are made of brass, aud will last a lifetime, making them Hie CHEAPEST LAMP IN THE WORLD. The undersigned are Agents for Perry County, and will supply Merchants at the 'Manufacturers' price, persons wanting a good article are re quested to examine this Tamp. F. MOHTIMKH ft CO., New Bloomneld, Pa. 4. Agents wanted to canvass the County. gg WHAT ARE THEY? res lit ; U 2 Is ll$rV&l gig. Sh. rrnw a tit, vnti YtTT Hi tIv n 2 CONSUMPTION. ITS CURE AND ITS PREVENTIVE. By 3. V. BCHKNOK, II. D. Mnnv a tinman hftnii: liiw pnnwl away fhr whww final h ilierp wtiH no other reftfwn than thnncKlcctof known mid i!itllf.pntit.b.y proven niPiitm or curt Those near nrt tlt'iir to mmlly anil frlentln are ftlf't-plntr thft rireaniU'rW elumlwr Into which, had llipv caTmlv ndftptotl DK. iONIiril If. NHIFATK'H ttlMPLB TKI'AT.M KNT, nnd avRlIM themHrlvtn of bin wonrtprnilly cfllca cloim ni-'tllclnps, tbey woubl not have fiillen. Dr. HchPticlc lias In bin own ciie prov.tl that wlinrnver ntllrlpnt vltulttv rt'iniibm. tlmt vitality, by IiIh mrrllriiinn and his (ItriftioiiH lor tliulr use, W qiilckrncrl Into Iwultbftil vintir. In thin statement them Ik nothing prpsnmptnons. To the fflith of the hi valid 1m mntle norppresentailoii that In not a thoiiKanri t linos miliMtantlateri by llvlnn and visible work. Tho theorv of the enrn by Dr. HcbPnck'n medlrlniw In on slmplp ai It In nnfulllnK. Its phlloKopby rptiilre8 no argument. It i sulf-au-aurlnur, BPlt-ronvlnrlrijr. TbeHea-wwil Tonic nnd Mandrake" Pills Brotlio first two wenponH with which tho citadel of tho nialndy In njtfiilled. Two-tlilrtla of the caHen of con sumption originate hi ilrfpepnia and n fnnctlonnlly dhortlerrd liver. With thin condition the bronchial tubes "nvmpathli'.tV with tho Ptonineh, Thoy re wptmd to tin morbific action or the liver, lien- Ihen enmpfl the culmhmtlnic rcHiilt, ami the Butting In, with all ltH dlstresHlnn sytnptonifi of The Mandrake I'IIIm nro coinpoHcd of ono of No tn re's noblest kIPim tho lVMlophlllum rcltntnm. They poftscHM all Iho blood-s'-urchhifr, alterntlve proper! Ick of cnbmit'l, hut, mil Ike calomel, they i,i;4Vi: o ntikm iikiun o The work tit' cure Is now hcKlnnfnij. The vitiated and mucous deposit In tin- bowel and In the all ineuturv cunul are ejected. The liver, like a clock, 1h wound up. It amuses from Its torplillty. Tin stoinnch acts respfinnlvelv, and tho patient begins to fuel tlmt he 1k Rctllinr, at Inst, A nij'im.y uv ;oon fli-non. The Hea-weed Tonic, In ctiiijunctlon with the PUN, perineal. 'H and iiHsliniliitcs with tho food. I'liylili cut Ion If mm pniKres.HiiKf wiihut its previous tor tures. Digestion become p:iiiilfHH, anl the cure Is necn to lie ut band. There is no more llatulencc, no exacerbation of the utomach. A n appetite sets In. Now conies the KreateHt lllood I'urMler ever yet Riven by an tiuliilxent father to ul'crine num. schenck's Pnlinoitlc Hyrup cmneM In to permrin Its fiiuctloim and to hasten and complete the cure. It enters at once upon Its work. ature can not bo cheated. It collci-in and ripens Mm Impaired and dNcaxed portions of tho luinc. In tho form of r:atlieiiiiKs, it prepare them fur expectoration, and ol In a very hliort lime tin malady Is vanquished, the rotten throne (bat It occupieil Ih renovated and made new, and the imtlent, in alt the dignity of re trained vlKor, sti'ps rrrtli to enjoy the luunhood or womanhood thai wns 4.IVt:M IT I AH I,OMT. The Kerond tiiintc Is, the patients must stnr in ft warm room until they kcI well ; it Is altmmt I in pos sible to prevent takiun cold when the hums are ills eased, hut !t nniNt be prevented or a cure can not ho e fleeted. Kresh air mid ritiinitout, especially In this Kit;tlon of the country. In the fall and winter sea Fon, are alt wroinr. I'bvsiclans who recommeml that course lose their patients, If their hunts aro hmily disiasedj and yet, iM'caii.'e they are In the bonne they must not sit down tpiirt: they must walk uhuiit the room us much ami as fast its the strength will hour, to K"l p a ood clrculiitlon of blood. The tiatleuts iniiHt keep In kooI spirits be determlneI o Ket well. This has a ki-imi deal to Uo with tho appetite, and Is the urcnt point to nnln. 'I o despair of cure alter such evidence of Its pos sibility In tho worst eases, and moral certalntv in nil others. Is sinlul. Dr. Scheia-k's personal state ment to the Faculty of his own cure was lu thu.su Uiouesi woros : " Aiany jears oro i was in the last slnffos of con sumption i routined to my bed, and nt one time my physicians thoiiKhtthat I could not llveaweek; then, like a drowning man catch hue at straws, I heard of and obtained the preparations which 1 now oiler to the public, and they made a perfect cure of me. It seemed to m that I could feel them penetrate my whole system. They soon ripened the mutter In my luiiKS.and 1 would spit up more than a pint of offen sive yellow matter every morning for a lonii time. "As soon as that bean to subside, my coui.h, fever, puins, and night-sweats all began to leave me, and my appetite became so great that It wkh with dltllculty that I could keep from eating too much. I goon gained my strenylh, und have grown In lleuh ever since. " I was weighed shortly after my recoverv," added the Doctor, " then looking like a mere skeleton ; my weight was only ninety-seven pounds; my present weight is two hundred ami twenty-five (liiyi) pounds, und for years I have enjoyed uninterrupted health." Dr. tsch e nek Iiils discontinued his professional vlf Its to New York and Itoston. lie or his son, Dr. J. II. Schenck, Jr., still continue to see patients at their Olllce, No, North Klxth (Street, Philadelphia, every Saturday from 9 a.m. to a p.m. Those who wish ft thorough examination with the Knsplro meter will bechargedJ.i. The Kesplrometer declare the exact condition of the lungs, ami patient can readily learn whether they are curable or not. The directions for taking the medicines are adapt ed to the Intelligence even of a child. Follow these directions, and kind Nature will do the rest, except lug that In some cases the Mandruke Pills are to be taken In increased doses ; the three medicines need, no other accompaniments than the ample Instruc tions that accompany them : First create appetite. Of returning health, hunger Is the most welcome symptom, when It conn's, as It will come, let the despairing at once be of good cheer. Good blood at once follows, the cough loosens, the night-sweat Is abated. In a short time both of these morbid symp toms are gone forever. Dr. Kchunck's medicines aro constantly kept In tens of thousands of families. As a laxative or pur gative, the Mandrake Pills are a standard prepara tion; while the Pulmonic Hyrup, as a cureof coughs and colds, may be regarded an a prophylclric against consumption In any of Its forms. Price of the Pulmonic Hyrup aud Hea-weed Tonic, tliOa bottle, or $7.60 a half dozeu. Mandrake Pills, ZK'entsahox. For sale by ull druggists and dealers aTToi!No:. HoixmvtY & Oowden. 602 Arc h Htrcct, J'hllatlfdphla, Whnlosulu Agents. 0 23 ly NEW YORK C ON TIN EXT A L Life Insurance Company, of1 new Tomt, " SVJUCTLY MUTUAhi At-Hcix,' 1 ,.-K,0 ! THSUEHallthanew Ihiu of lNillciesr stud ore. 1 sentn as favorable terms as any company iu the (i lilted HluU-s. The Coiimany wlU W.v leiujijirajy lojyis on Its Policies. Thirty days' grace allowed on each payment, find tlw Ki)(ey held uihhI durliiK Hint time. ' 1'olieles issued by tills C'oinpauy are non-fortelt- ure. s pvtra ehArires nre made for trAvelinir nermits. l'ollcy-liolders share III the aiiimsl prolilsof the Company, anil have a voice lu the elections and lunuiiKrnieiii oi inet;oiiiHiuy. JSo policy or medical feeehariied. JiOTts I,awkkn(E. l'res't. '' M. B. Wv.nkoiiI', Vice JTes't. XP-niX gec y. j jr. EATON, " . (jeiieral Auent. . No. o .Norm mini Bireei, i.2yy!J t'ollcve liiork, Harilsburf, Fa, X J Tt .'..A. SOLH and i . " .' , SUN UMBRELLAS, WE HAVE THEM. F. MORTIMER & CO.. r - i ' NEW HLOOMF1EI.D, PA. In Bankruptcy, Eastern district of Pennsylvania H. ' At Mew llloomlleld the lstk day of Jan. 1S71. rXIIlK undersigned hereby gives notice of his ap JL poiiitiuent as assignee of William H. Klee of Havllle twp. In the county of Perry, six) -4S, of Pennsylvania within said dlstrlot, who has been adjudged a Bankrupt upon his own petition by the district court of said district. Joim Bixi.i. t- AsiilgDes) IVyVTXJllirH Hair Restorative ! Contiiins NO l.AO BVMMIUH XoHlTOAR OF J.KAl) Mo l.ITHAIIUH No NITltATH OF KII.VKIt.and Is entirely fico from tliu I'oisonnus nnd 1 1 mII li-diiti y i iin 1 Ji ums used in other Jlalr I'lepiirutioiH. Transiiareiit nnd drams crvstal. It will not ill tlio llnet falnle porfcitlv SAl'K, CI, KAN. nnd KFKIt'lKNT ilcsidcratiiiii') 1.UNU HOt'tillT FOlt AND FOUND AT LAST I It . reston-s nnd prevents tlio Hair from lieeom lim (irnv, liiipnits a sort, plossy nppeai'imee, r movett bnnilnilf. Is cool nnd refreslilni! to tho head, cheeks the Hair from lalllntt oil, and restores It, to n. L'leat. extent when nreniatiirelv lost, pre vents Headaches, cures all Ilumors, Cutaneous ..'-notions nil, I nnmit Went. AS A 1) '.SS 1N(I FOlt Til K 11 AlltIT 1STHF. lUCST AHT1CLE lM'UliMAUKliT. t)r. fl. Smith. I'atentee. firoton Junction. Mass. Trepared only by i'roctcr llrothers, (iloucester, Ttlnss. Tho (ii'iiu ne Is nut no In a panel ikiiiii iniiileexpresslv for it. witli the name of tho article blown In Hie itlass. Ask yo ur Druuulst for Na ture's Hair Itestorative, ami take nootlier. Scn(latlireecentt.'tanipto l'roeter tiros, for a Treatise on the Human Hair. The Information It contains Is worth J-"(H) 00 to any person, 500 VOLUMES IN ONE. Ay cuts Wanted. roil THE LIBRARY OF POETRY ANDSONG JklW Clmirc televlionx from Ihe Ileal I'octfi, English, Scotch, Irish nnd American. Willi an Introduction If; W1M.IAM CUJ,I.KX JiltYANT. Under whoc critical mijierrlKion the volume irts COMIHU'U. Tlio lmndsoinct and cheapest subscription book extant. Over S0O pages, beautifully printed, choicely lllin-trnted, handsomely bound. A Library of oner 500 volumes iit o book, whose contents of uo ephemeral nature or Interest, will never (jrow out or sinie. a can be, and will lie. rend and re-read witli pleasure by old and Younir, as long as its leaves now io- cetlicr. " A perfect surprise. Scarcely anything nt all a favorite, or at all worthy of placo here, Is ncelectcd. It Is a book lor every iiousenoid X. Y. Mail. " We know of no simiZiii' collection In tlio fwj I'tnh lanynage uitich, In copioumem and felicity of selection and arrangement, can at all compare vith If." X. 1 . Time. Term liberal. Selllnir very rapidly. Bend lor circular nnd Terms to J. B. FOKD & Co., 27 Park I'luce, N. Y. sritovuT & i:i Y, MANUFACTU11E118 OF DOORS, UlilKl. BRACKET3t Moulding s , Balusters, Newel Posts, Scroll, Sawing, CIRCULAR WORK, &c, &c, Made and Warranted from dry material, and an common sizes ol DOORS AND SASH. Kept on hand aud for sale by the undersigned S-Send for List of Prices to SI'HOUT ito E1)1Y, l'ICTUKK JtOCKH, 434. LycomluR county, l a. W I X T K It 13 in i 1 o -y in out! , ! . ' - ; ! j, ' PHIIKINS & HOUSE'S PATIiNt NON- EXPLOSIVE METALLIC KEROSENE LAMP. Is Aiisoi.uTEi.T safe from explosion or breaking! burns any Coal Oil, good or bad ; gives moiie light, no odor, and uses less oil . "H isperfeclj lion rj(oie. Thellnht is bet ter than Is produced by any other lump." W. H. tlfrk. President oj Maiuachutctts Ayrlculturul Colleie. "It Is perfectly non-explosive, Klves a better light aud Is more economical than any other lamp in use." If. If. Welti, kite &urlntendent of PuUlc School, CtilcuuQ.. , . , The nxiKnff deaths and fires' from glass lamps exploding and breaking create a great demand lor tins lamp. H Pai to sell It. tAi by Uinvastiert; Aoknth wanted BVERTWHEMB. KHild for a circu lar and terms to Montgomery i Co. , Cleveland, O. I! Burelay Btreet, New York. 8I'I.1CN7)IT A HHOHTMKXnri I . OF. DIlY.CrOOPCI , ky:cjoodo Suited to the Season, Arc Now Offered for 8ule by T. MORTIMER, & CO.' THE IMPROVED Thotograpic Album, preserves and protects Die plnturos, is very con venient, attractive and ornuiiieiital Teceptacle for pictures of dear relatives und friends and being not name w get oui oi uruci. ( IT 1H T11K BEHT ALBUM EVER . OEFKKEU TQ TU PCBMC if i enverel with Velvet or Morocco and orna mented In a variety of styles and at low prices. ttee what Die June uuinoer tu - jne itcnnowvm savs of It and seud H.00 for a nice sample to THE KOTARY PJIOTO. ALBUM MK'fl. C..' j ' 96 a Sin IB Courtlandt Ht.. New York. . , Ladies, Attention !., ... Bead Ten Cents and ft Stamp for ft valuable secret, which every young lady should know. CJ1AKLE8 V. ALLBOY, 5 14 ISt Pittsburgh, Pa. HUMOROUS ITEMS 8" If I were in tlio sun and you out of it, what would tho sun become ' .Sin. 6? What docs a crocer do with most of his things before ho sells them ? Oives them a wei"h. JNJf" An Oreon tonst over a class of the ardent, "Here's whnt makes us wear old clothes." CST" " Salt" is the subject of a school boy's latest composition : " Tho salt is a spice which spoils tho potatoes if you for get to put it on. fiGS" A cynical lady, rather inclined to flirt, says most men aro like a cold very easily caught, but very very uitlicuit to get rid of. ff Why is it unlawful for a man to fell his own pine timber ? because no ono is allowed to cut whero it is his own deal. A- What is tlio difference between a fisherman nnd a u7.y schoolboy ? One baits his hook, and tho other hates his book. t3" An Irishman who was standing on London bridge said to a youth, " Faith and I think I know j'ces; what's ycr name ?" " Jones," said tho boy. "Jones, Jones," said the Irishman, " and I knew seventeen ould maids by that name in Dublin ; was aithcr of them ycr mither ?"' BeaJ" Picccntly at tho oratorio of 'Elijah," at the Mechanic Hall in Halem, which is poorly ventilated, when they came to tho sceno of tha widow's dead son, a lady remarked "Elijah will never bring that boy to life in this atmos phere." SQy- Tlio following lines are on tho sign of a roadside inn between Swindon and Marlboro The l'lough : In hopes wo plow, In hopes wc sow, lu hopes tvo are all led j And I live hero aud sell good beer, In hopes to get my bread. CfSt. I suppose," said a quack, while feeling the pulso of a patient who had re luctantly submitted to solicit his advice, " I suppose you think mo a humbug?" ''Sir," gravely replied tho sick man, " I was not aware until now that you could so readily discover a man's thoughts by feeling his pulse." war " Ephraim Johnson" sends the .following notice of " dissolution" to tho Louisville A'un : " Do coparsnips hereto fore resisting twixt mo and Mose Jones, am heretofore resolved. Does what owes do firm will please call on do scribe. Does what do firm owes will please call on Jones as do firm am irrisolved." fiQjf A lady was onco declaring that she could not understand how gentlemen could smoke. It certainly shortens thoi r lives," she said. " I don't know that," replied a gentleman, " there is my father, who smokes every blessed day, and ho is now seventy years old. " Well, was the reply, if ho had never smoked ho might havo been eighty." fifcgr-" Clara, I love but theo alono," thus siirhod the tender youth. " Oh, hear me, then, my passion own with trembling lips and earnest tones. Indeed I speak tho truth." Ho paused, the blush o'orspread her cheek; she let him draw her near; scarce for emotion could she speak, yet did sho ask, in accents meek, "What is your income now eacn week ?" aS"A darkey was boasting to a grocer of the cheapuess of ten pounds of sugar he bad bought at a rival shop. " JL,et me weigh the package," said the grocer. The darkey assented, and it was two pounds short. Iho colored gentleman looked perplexed for a moment, and then said, " Guess ho didn't cheat dis chile much, for while he was gettin' the sugar I stole two pair ob shoes." Young mistress (gravely; she had seen an affectionate parting at the garden gate) "I see you've got a youDg man, Jane !" Jane ("apologetically) "Only walked out withhim once, m um." Mistress "O, but I thought I saw didn't you didn't ho take a kiss, Jane?" Jane "0, m'ru only' as a friend, m'ni!" ' aST A farmer with the view of locating on some of the broad acres of Texas, visit ed San Antouio on his way farther West. There ho was seized wih one of tbotto maligant typhoids which too often lie in wait for new comers. During the crisis of his fever he was painfully led to under stand the general view that was entertain ed of his reoovery by observing the dootor trying on his coat and hat and the waiter his boots. . - t 1 l" A ' clergyman wishing to know whether the children of his parishioners understood the Bible, he ask a lad whom he found reading the Old Testament, who was the wickedest man. ' ' Moses, to be sure," said the boy. " Moses 1" exclaimed the parson, " how can that be V ' Why," said the lad, "he broke all the commandments at once."
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers