l)c times, New Bloomficft, JJn.
TIII3
"Blees Patent"
NOISELESS, LINK MOTION,
LOCK-STITCH
Sowing Machine
Challenges the World in l'erfcclion of Work,
Strength and Ileauty of Stitch, Durability of Con
struction anrl Rapidity of Motion. Call and exam
ine, and for Agencies and Circulars, apply
AT I'KINCirAL OITK'H,
623 Broadway, New York.
4 28y-a
NOVFJTY NKWTIIIXtS, forgciillenicirs
,. useonlv- Nent bv return mail
on receipt 01 3U cents. Agents wanted everywhere.
Address, I,. Ml'MtOH & ).,
-51 I'- O. !o. 3201, N.Y. City.
LADIES f,h? -i''BNiKlstliii most Useful ar
7T , T tide ever Invented for vour use.
Circulars tree. Airs. Morgan, V. o. lio.xil:iH,N.y,3m
GENTLEMEN
TheOmvT fir: til 'I'm lu n
Illll'.lltV 4,lt.l ..t .' .
Samples I!U cents. A. Gruiit,r'.0.1Io.4:Riu,N. v. ;im
1140 How ? "m, 11 1,1 0 ,m,s- wltii Stencils.
hllln,,1,,!' "'ailed A..I.1'im.am,N. Y.ilni
A GREAT OFFER.
HORACE WATERS,
Xo. 4S1 Itrondivay, Xcir York
"I7TI,I, dispose of One Hindhkd 1'ianos, Mb
T V i.oiko.s and Okoans, of six lirst class ma
kers, including Cliickcring & Sons, at e.xthfmki v
low pukes fou cash, miuxo this month, di- will
take from 85 In ii monthly until paid. 4 17 ly a
LONGEST ROOF
In the United Slates is on Itlnek's Sons' Kaetorv
JCaslon, l"a., one third of a mile long, and Is cov
ered with
READY ROOFING,
CI I HAP, iHiiAlSl.Kaiid easily applied. Semi for
circular and samples to the. manufacturers
lilCAllY liOOFINO CO.,
4 23 lya No. (14 Courtland St. New York.
I, O JtIS(jN
IKJLLAlt 110X OK IXlTiAT.KDUKKXCII NOT p
1'AI'JiK
Madi d to you on receipt of SI. Address
1 mo 4 41a i.OKINO, I'uh islicr, lioston.Mass,
SOOO JIEN WANTED!
1 00 1'KIt CUNT, profit on three be 1 ttiWi"" out.
fiO.don elub and comliliiation premiums to agents
('atalogueandteiinsf.ee. Address
3nio4 41a- M.I,. llYiiX, SO Cedar St., N. Y.
listen to the Mocking Itinl.
The Viable Whistle and Animal Imitator can
be used by a chdd. it is made to imitate the song
of every bird, the neigh of a horse and the brav of
an ass, the grunt of a hog. birds, beasts iuid
snakes enchanted and eniiuppcd bv it. Is used bv
Oau ISryant, Charley White and ail tiie minstrel's
and warblers. Vcniriloiiiiisin can be learned in
three days by its aid. Sent nnvwhere upon re
ceipt oi 11) cents; 3 io-25 cents: 1 for 50 cents- 15
for SI. Add ess T. W. VAMiNTlXK
H'lo 4 41a liox 372 Jersey t'H V, X. .1.
Xe w A dvei 't i.sew t nl.s.
RAVELERS
I, IKK AM) ACCIDK.NT I.NSIMCANCH
COMI'ANV. of llarll'ord, Conn. Cash
Assets. (M.MKUKin. Oiants J, IKK and
KMM)WMliNT 1'olicies of all lip
proved foinis. Ample, security, low
rates. Also insures against AC'CI
DKXTS causing death or total disabil
ity. Polices written by the year or
monUi. Has paid l?00 icr thnj for Sir,
i'erovi in benelits to policy-holder's. r
Ft A D AY! 40 new atic'es fo.- Agon's
Sailip'ca i.ec. ft. JI. SHAW, A1 ,cil, Me.
ROYAL HAVANA LOTTERY.
Prizes cashed and Information fit n'si'ed bv
UKOKGH t'PHAM, l'i( (ience, I!. I..-
50 Cents to $5 per Evening, at Home I
We pre prepared to furnish pvolllab'o employ,
incut to Ale ii and Women at ilieir homes. One per
son In each locality tiiroti:;hnul the United Stales,
can engage in tills business at great wages. We
send. I ui.i:. full particiiiai sand a valuable wimple,
which will do to commence work on. Any kmsoii
seeing this notice, who wants lirolilalile.pci nianent
work, should send us their address, without dclav.
K. t . ALLKN tte CO., Augusta, Maine, r
ilflA DAY KO It A 1,1, .-Stencil Tool Samples
mailed free. A. J. l''ullam.W0 liroadway, N.Y.
AVOID OUArKS. A victim of early Indls'
crction, causing nervous debility, premature
decay, &c, having tried In vain every advertised
remedy, has a simple means of self-ciire, which hu
will send free to ids fellow-sullerers. Address J.
II. TUT'J'l.lC, 78 Nassau st.. New York. r
CHEAP GOODS!
Til E subscriber having opened a new Store, one
dooriiastof Sweger's llolcl, solicits a share
of the public, patronage. Jiu has Just received a
full supply of
TV o av o o ds,
and will constantly keep on hand, a complete as
sortment of
VRY-(iOOJh
QUEESSW'ARE
HOOTS it SHOES,
GROCERIES
HARDWARE,
HAW'S: CARS.
And Evortlilug else usually kept In Stores.
S Call und see my stock.
JtOll'T. K. WILMS,
New Illoonilleld, l'a.
3 42
(SO
A LAWYER'S STORY.
TOLD UY HIMSELF.
ADOUT THIUTY years ago I was a
young lawyer with nothing but my
profession and two very strong aspirations.
The first was to succeed and make a
great name at the bar; the other to be
able to marry the lady of my love.
One morning I went down to my
office which my boy just opened, and
found awaiting mo there a letter which
gave me the greatest pleasure. It an
nounced, in the first place, the death of
my grand-uncle.who with my grandfather
had cruelly turned my mother out of
doors when flic was a girl ; and in the
second placo it informed mo that my
grand-uncle.touched by remorse, had left
mo a legacy of five thousand dollars. The
writer of the letter, Martin Drew, who
was my uncle requested me to coine to
Tyudale at once and get my money, and
expressed his affection for mo saying
his family were all anxious to sec me,
and many other things which excited my
suspicions.
That afternoon I called at the widow
Ourtiss' to inform her daughter Laura
of my good fortune, and to ask the dear
girl to ' name the day." Laura was quite
ready to comply with my wishes ; but
her mother said we'd better wait until I
got back with the money predicting that
'something would be sure to happen,"
and asserting that the Drews were
" mighty slippery fellows," and that no
Van JJurcn my name, that she had
ever heard of, ever had any luck. Not
finding myself comfortable in the widow's
parlor I soon withdrew, and wont slow
ly back to my office.
The next morning I mounted 1113' horse
and with light heart pursued the road
that led to Tyudale. I wan two days
upon the way, and slept the second night
nt a little country tavern, a few miles
distant, from the residence of pseudo un
cle. J had intended to reach his house
that evening but the heaviness of the
roads prevented. Tho next morning
I was early t stir and rode up to Martin
Drew's door, just as he, with his family
was seating himself at the breakfast ta
ble. I was welcomed with a great show of
cordiality by the various members of the
family, all of whom, save the eldest son
Ceorge, were present. I might have be
lieved myself among warm ii iends had
not the memory of my mother's Bufferings
in that house saved 1110 from an entire
reliance upon the professions of these de
monstrative relatives. Little by little
my reserve melted before their kindly
words and manners. The girls were pret
ty and fascinating.the young man, .Martin,
frank and agreeable. I never could re
sist genial manners, and before the morn
ing hours had waned I. found myself
on decidedly pleasant terms with the
young people, and confessing to myself
that I could see nothing objectionable
in their cluers.
I had intended to transact my business
with all speed and if possible to avoid
breaking bread beneath this roof; and
by all tiic.ins to leave it before night-fall.
Uut, one pretext after another, and will
ingly, I must confess I was detained un
til long past mid-day. At last however
tho business had been transacted, the
money in my hands, and my receipt in
those of JMartin Drew, and I began to in
sist on going, at least as far that evening
as the tavern where I had passed the pro
ceding night.
llow they gathered around me (lien,
with smiling, entreating faces, and cling
ing hands. No, they said, one and all
I must not go until (jeorge came homo,
lie was expected every hour, I
must remain until morning and see
George, he would bo sadly disappointed
else. And besides, it was hardly safe to
stop at the roadside tavern with such a
sum of money. The people there were
prying and curious, aud had without
doubt learned before this, that I had come
to receive my legacy.
Of course I stayed and a pleasant eve
ning I had with those merry young peo
ple, and cordial old ones.
The chamber assigned me was what, in
country parlance, is usually called the
" spare bed-room." a large, pleasant room
upon the ground floor, opening from the
best parlor, and, with that apartment,
separated from tho rest of the houso, by
a wide entrance hall. Martin Drew and
his two sons, for George had returned
in their excess of hospitality, had enter
ed with me, to assure themselves that all
was comfortable for mo, and abovo ull, as
they said, sufo for my money.
There were ill-conditioned people in
the neighborhood, they said,and my busi
ness was well-known, so that though it
was hardly possible that any ono should
attempt to enter tho houso to steal my
money, it was well to be careful.
" There were hooks to hang my coat
and waist-coat upon, but I had better not
leave the money in their pockets, perhaps
it would bo safer under my pillow, or had
I not better lock it in a drawer of the
bureau ?"
Their over anxiety seemed somewhat
annoying but it there wero suspicious
people in the neighborhood, it was but
natural. Still it occurred to me that it
would be as well to say ' nothing of the
place where I intended to bestow my mon
ey. When I was at last left alone, I be
gan to hasten my preparations for repose.
The two windows of the room were
closed and secured by heavy shutters,
but as there was no lock upon the door, I
placed a chair against it. I then finished
disrobing myself, and having decided to
put my pocket-book between the mattresses
of my bed and beneath my head. I had
just placed it there when a light noise
in the room caused me to turn.
George Drew had entered so noiseless
ly that he had nearly reached my side
beforo I heard him.
" I beg your pardon," he said, laugh,
iug at my frightened face. " I only
came back to inquire if you would like
to be wakened in the morning. You did
not hear my knock."
He was gone as soon as answered, and
again placing a chair against the door
and laying something upon it which I
thought would fall with a noise if the
chair were disturbed, 1 extinguished my
light and went to bed.
It seemed as if I had but closed my
eyes, though I know that I must have
slept two or three hours when I was sud
denly wakened by s sound of a door soft
ly and cautiously shut, yet lightly creak
ing on reluctant hinges. I sprung up.
In the intense stillness, I thought L dis
tinguished a faint tread in the adjoining
room. I thrust my hand beneath my
head, and discovered that my pocket
book was gone. At the same in
stant I distinguished another sound the
opening of the outer -door.
I sprang from my bed and shouted for
help. In the darkness I could not at
lirst find the door. Uut in less than a
minute I stood in the parlor, faintly light
ed by the embers of the expiring fire. At
that instant the hall door closed, and
steps were heard upon the gravel out
side. I shouted again and in a moment
Martin Drew and his younger son hur
ried in. and hnfor; my story was finished
were joined by George. The hall door
was ajar, as the robbers had left it, but
before we had time to put on the neces
sary clothing he had two 01 three minutes
the start of us. We all plunged out into
the pouring rain, and the darkness that
was almost palpable.but a search of fifteen
minutes was without reward, as we
could trace the robber's steps only to the
gate which led to the high roiul. We
then all returned to tho house, except
Geoige, who mounted his horse and rode
oil' to (he village to give the alarm.
I remained two days longer at Tyu
dale aided by my relatives, in my attempts
to regain my money, with extreme kind
ness aud interest. Unfortunately for
them tho very extremity of this kindness
aroused, or more properly strengthened
suspicions that had commenced at the
moment I discovered the absence of , my
money. And thus all their endeavors to
assist me but provided 1110 with fresh evi
dence against themselves, and I left them
on the morning of tho third day, as ful
ly convinced that tho five thousand dol
lars had returned to Martin Drew's
hands, as if I had seen thorn there.
It was with great- difficulty that I
found an opportunity, on the morning
after the robbery, to write, and enclose
and altcrwards to post, advertisements
to the county papers and notices to the
banks stopping payment of the bills I
had received and secretly marked.
On my. way homeward, I went to
the county town and left such infor
mation with tho magistrates there as
put them upon the alert, aud, on tho sec
ond evening, entered the village, rodo past
the Widow Curtiss's house, and stop
ped at my office door.
I tarried only to partake of my fru
gal supper, bef'nro I bent my steps to the
homo of my divinity, otherwise my Laura.
Sho, dear girl, gave mo as warm a wel
come as if I had returned with my pock
ets as full as they were empty. Uut tho
widow ! I will not repeat her stunning
abuse. I survived it all tho smoko and
roar of battle died away and in the list
of wounded was but one young man
"damaged in feelings," while Laura's
smile consoled 1110 in the endurance of my
wounds.
Two months after I received a very
different welcome from the widow, when
I came to announce the recovery of my
money, and the indictment of Martin
Drew and his sons as tho robbers. All
was smiles and praise then from tho
widow, and Laura cried joyful tears upon
my bosom, and named the happy day.
Young Martin had attempted to pass
when partially intoxicated, ono of tho
marked notes, and several others had
been found in his possession. Search of
the homestead, and tho persons of his
father and mother, had brought to light
the remainder, and my legacy was once
more in my hands. Martin, the elder
and his son George, were sent for a long
term, to the State Prison. Tho younger
Martin went for a shorter period, and as
soon as he was released, removed the fam
ily to the West. There, probably the
father and brother joined them, when
at liberty, for from that period they never
re-appeared in their old haunts.
As for me, I am a tolerably rich and
very happy man, a little past "middle life.
Laura has been my wife for many a year,
and sons and daughters are growing up
in good health, and beauty, and goodness
around us. My legacy" founded my
property, and my wife my happiness.
A Hat Story.
4 N old darkey in the Fourth district,
Z. ol'New Orleans. has daily for months
past, selected the door-step of a promi
nent residonce for his noon-day nap.
Doing driven off one day he comes the
next, With his head thrown back and
his mouth wide open, he snores away, to
the exceeding discomfort of the inmates.
(Jailed to the door by this disagreeable
diapason a few days since, the lady of the
houso concluded she would try an exper
iment. For this purpose sho procured a
small piece of ice and dropped it into the
huge orifice that served as Sambo's mouth
it disappeared like a shot, and with a
cough and a snort, Sambo started to his
feet.
" Ugh !" he cried ; as tho ice sent vio
lent thrills through his stomach.
"What dis V and his fingers clutched
nervously the afflicted parts.
Just then some one cried out in the
house that a big rat had run down "Uncle
Sam's" throat. This added terror to his
pain, lie rolled on the banquette and
cried lustily for help.
" 'Fore God, missus, he's gnawing
out'n me. I feel him. Oh, golly! he's
kill'n mo," and the whites of the dark
ey's eyes protruding like saucers, and the
convulsed and anguished face, showed
that real pain was stongly enhanced by
his imaginary terror.
" Oh, "oily, how he do iumn and kick
about," and Sambo again gave himself up
to a paroxysm of lamentation.
"Drink warm water, LTucle Sam. and
drown him," suggested tho lady.
Without any hesitation Sam start
ed for tho water plug. lie turned on the
crank aud tho water started. Sam glued
his lips to the nozzle until his sides were
puffed out like an inflated balloon.
" Uow do you feel now, Uncle Sam '!"
the lady inquired as. Sam staggered back
to his seat.
" I guess he's drowned, missus ; but
here's what's troubling dis chile how's
dat rat gwiue to git out'n dare?"
A New Arithmetic.
Sick gent (walking into a whisky shop)
' oil. 1 will spend my
crackers this morning."
dime in
Tho bar-keeper hands
which he tastes.
' I cannot stand them ;
him crackers,
give me some
brandy for tho crackers."
Dar-keepor gives him some brandy; he
pours it out, smells of it, shakes his head.
' Don't think I can go that; give me
sonic whiskey for the brandy."
Dar-keepers hands him out the whisky ;
ho turns out a full glass, drinks it down
and starts out.
Uar-kcepcr " Hold on there!
have not paid me for that whiskey.',
vou
Sick gent ' I gave you brandy
the whisky, sir."
"Well, you ain't paid mo for
brandy, siv."
( f T 1 r .1 t
for
the
1 gave you crackers tor tne iiram
sir."
" Well, you ain't paid me for the
crackers."
Well, sir, you have the crackers yet."
Dar-keepersaid no more.
fcy A landlady in Middletowu, Conu.,
advertises that sho will ' open a plaiu
boarding house aud lodgings," und adds :
" Any one desirous of obtaining such a
place with good morals, can apply, etc."
tins' 'Hat.
-I-! V1.M.-VT.'T TiT.,Tr---,. . i i
, 1 , r, ii r,i, i.-j'jiuviiNB resided some
XJ years ago in Hartford, Ct , a man of
goou standing as a member of tho bar, a
bachelor, and said to have considerable
property , a fact which did not hurt his
popularity.
Now, Mr. Perkins had a few peculiari
ties ; among thcin he had an enormous
head, his hats always having to be made
for him. Then, having got ono to fit his
immense cranium, ho took the very use
less precaution of putting a label in the
crown thereof, reading, " Ezckiel Per
kins, Counselor and Attorney at Law,
Hartford, Conn.
His peculiar social failing was, that at
all-stag dinner-parties, he got well, there
is no use shirking it he got rather in
toxicated early in the evening. Ho,
however, had the faculty of knowing
when he had got as much as he could
comfortably carry, aud knowing this, to
take his leave.
One evening, Mr. Perkins wended his
way to one of the best mansions of Hart
ford. He was iu full dinner-dress blue
coat with gilt buttons, white vest with
black continuations, and spotless linen.
Lightly he stepped along, his hat a little
to one side, swinging his cane, and hum
ming an air as he went. He was in
high spirits, in view of spending an un
usually pleasant evening enjoying the
affair in anticipation ; and how often does
it exceed the reality! Having arrived,
and deposited his hat among a number
of others on tho hall table, he in due
course sat down to dinner.
Now, a joker, knowing his head and
the propensity to indulge freely at these
nicctings,deterinined to have a bit of fun at
his expense. So, during tho time which
occurred before dinner was announced,
he managed to take the label out of Mr.
Perkins' hat and affixed it iu the crown
of the smallest hat on the table. lie then
retired and awaited events. The dinner
was as Mr. Perkins expected a prime
affair; so that, with the song, jest, wit,
and wine, he found himself at the end of
ii capital story by his host, " down to his
bearings," as a sailor would say. Uising
from his chair, carefully steadying him
self by the back, he nodded good-bye to
the host, ho could do no more. and,
expatiating on the good time ho had had
and the excellence of that last joke, he
got out of the room with a slight lurch
only, and proceeded to get his hat.
"Ton me soul he said, as he craned
and mooned over tho table looking for
his hat 11 'pou me soul, that's the best
joke I ever heard." II is utterance was
rather thick. " Yes, an' the bes' dinner
I. was ever at." Here he gave a lurch,
but was steadied by the waiter iu attend
ance in the hall. At last, after swaying
about for some time, he detected his label
and, pouncing upon the hat ho read aloud
" Zekeal Perkins, counser uu hiccup
turney-a-law, llarifud. Connecticut. That's
my hat."
Straightening himself, he endeavored
to put on tho article in his usual jaunty
style. It wouldn't do. lie bent to it,
tried both hands, held it to his head,
fairly trying to force his head in, sway
ing, rocking, staggering tho while; but
it wouldn't do. Jfo was hot and stupe
fied, lie couldn't understand it. Turn
ing to tho waiter, whose gravity had
nearly given way at his gyrations, he
said with great politeness, " Will you
oblige me by readin' what is in that
hat'"
" Cei'iainly, sir. 'Ezckiel Perkins.
Counselor and Attorney-at-law, Hartford,
Connecticut.
' I knew it ! T knew it! that's it
that's my hat!'' And immediately be
gan tho same performance, but with more
energy. After some moments of stag
gering, pressing, aud pulling, until he
was once moro at fever-heat, he again ad
dressed the servant with a still more mys
tified air than before, but a determination
as it wero to know the worst.
'' I beg pardon, but will you be pleased
to tell who I am V
." Certainly, sir. I know you perfectly
well. You arc Mr. Kzekiel Perkins,
Counselor and Attorney-at-Luw, here in
Hartford."
" I I knew it! I knew it! That's
right that's 111c, and that's my hat; but
my head's most awfully swcHed."
fci?- Uisnifiik was asked, " What will
tho war cost '(" His reply was ' Only tw;
Napoleons. " That is what it tvill cost
the French people. It will cost Napo
leon himself ono crowu.
Sfdf A negro boy was recently run
ovor by a carriage driven very fast by two
ladies, and was much injured. Moral:
Keep out of the way of fast women.