2
l)c mc0, Nero Dloomftcltr 3(u
Tin: double elopement.
A True Story.
I
MI E littlo willagoof E-
was one
of the many mining towns in the in
terior of California, and in this village
dwelt Dr. Hammond and Ins family.
They were noted for (heir kind hospitali
ty, and for the interest they took in the
general affairs of the village.
80 it often happened that their only
daughter Artie was the belle of many so
cial parties. There it was that she re
peatedly met a young man by tho name of
Charles Davay, and his fancy for Miss
Artie's face, blue eyes, and dark, brown
curls kept him constantly by her side.
liut what I was going to tell you was
this that the doctor had made-up his
mind to spend the summer near Lake
Tahoe, so that he could have a fine time
hunting and fishing dining the heated
term, and, as a matter of course, he want
ed to take his family with him , fur he
could not think of leaving then) down
there in the terrible hot heat of summer.
Now, Artie did not like this idea at all,
so, after having n good cry about it, she
came into (he parlor where Mrs. Ham
mond sat, and said :
11 Now, Mamma, this is too bad ; ju.-t to
think oi' us going away off up into the
mountains, where we can't see anything
but Iudiami and s.-.ge brush. I shall die,
mamma, I know I shall, if you take me
away up there."
"I? No, my dear," said Mis. Ham
mond, gently, "aiid to toil tho (ruth,
Artie, I shall be glad to get you oil' up
there, where you can't do so much run
ning around. I am about sick of this go
ing all the time."
" Well, I'm not," said Miss Artie, with
an independent toss of her pretty head,
as she went off to the window. Sho had
not stood there ling before she saw sonic
one coining up the littlo lane which led
to the house. Then she turned to her
mother and said :
" Oh, mamma. Charley li.ivay is com
ing here."
"Yes, just as I expected; you can't
think of anything but Charley liavay,
now," said Mrs. Hammond, as she left
the room.
She soon heard Artie and Charley
talking very low together, so she began
to wonder wh.it they were saying, and
finally she went to the door to listen.
She heard Charley say :
" Yes, darling, I will come with the
buggy just at dark to-morrow, so wo can
go and get married in a short time. Your
folks won't think of such a thing until
its too late."
"But, Charley, suppose papa won't for
give us, said Artie.
"Oh, there's 110 danger but lie will;
and you'll go, won't you, A 1 tie V Only
think what a heavy, lonesome life it will
be without you, darling."
As Artie looked up into a pnir of very
loving hazel eves, she smilingly said:
" Yes. Charley."
" Now, good-n'ght, darling.aod by this
time to-morrow night you'll be my own
littlo wife."
Saying this, Charley kissed her and
was gone.
Now, as Mrs. Hammond had been lis
tening all the time, she heard everything
Charley said. So she said to herself,
ironically, " your dear littlo wife by this
time to-morrow night. Oh, yes, we'll see
about that."
liut when Artie canifl out, her mother
was sitting at the table, sewing. She
looked up aud asked :
" Well, Artie, has Charley gone away
so soon ?"
" Yes, mamma," was all she said, ns
she left the room.
Tho nest day passed off at last, and
just at dark a buggy drove up to tho
front gate.
" Now," thought Mrs. Hammond, " I
will show them a trick's that's worth two
of theirs."
So she put on Artie's hat and cloak,
and ran down to the gate. A gentleman
very gallantly helped her into the buggy,
but never spoke a word.
" Well," thought she lie's afraid to
speak, for fear Artie's father and mother
will hear him. Ahem !"
So away they went, and Mrs. Ham
mond sat there thinking what, a nice
trick she had played on Artie by ruuning
off with Charley. Then she began to
wonder if this was the way he treated
Artie when they went out riding ) and
next, what would the doctor say? liut
what puzzled her most was tho t they were
going in an opposite direction from what
she expected. So at last she said :
" Well, Charley, hadn't we better go
home?"
Imagine her surprise to hear the doc
tor's voice answer :
"What! Maggie, is this you? What
in the uamc of all that's good, bad, and
indifferent, are you doing hero ?"
" Oh. doctor, I thought it was Char-
ley."
' Well, I'd liko to know where you
were going with Charley at ibis time of
night!"
" Indeed ! Aud I'd like to know whom
you thought you had in here, if not
mo!" answered Mrs. Hammond.
" Oh, I thought it was Artie!"
And what in the world ever put such
a notion into your head as to take Artie
out at this time of night ';"
"Well, the fact of it is. Maggie, as I
sat on (he porch last evening, 1 overheard
Charley and Artie talking about running
oil' to get married; so I thought I'd just
save Charley the trouble, and take Artie
out for a li'.le. I. began to think she was
Tory still."
" Dot-tor." said Mrs. lia.atiionu, " (hat
i just what 1 heard, and my object in
going Willi y. liarley was Hie same as yours
in taking Artie oil'."
' We are a couple oi pretty fools to be
eloping i:i this way; here we a '0 at home
again."
Paying ibis.' the doctor helped his wife
out of tho bui!'rv, and then went into the
house. Oncg
convinced thci
aiice at tne empty rooms
1 that Artie v;.s "-one. they
could easily guess where. So they mm
in
up their winds to 111; !;o liio host oi it.
and wait for the runaways to come home.
The nest morning, when Mr. and Mrs.
Charley liavay came ho-mo to implore for
giveness for running oil' to get married,
they could not understand the mischiev
ous twinkle in Dr. Hammond's eyes, as
he readily forgave them and said:
" Certainly, children ; I ran oil' with
your mother once and didn't know it."
Charley and Artie looked from one to
the other, aud asked :
"How? When? Where?"
- The doci.-r only laughed and shook his
head, as though the story was too good to
tel', and that was all they could ever get
out of him.
A Sharp Widow.
This came from California : A short
time agon widow lady residing iu a vil
lage not a thousand miles from here, put
her house at a raflle, and ve'y soon dis
posed of the tickets, feeling disposed to
asssist her.
The evening arrived for the raflle to
come off and the house was won by a gen
tleman who thought himself fortunate in
obtaining a homestead so cheap. The
next ('ay ho applied fo." p ssession and a
title of the property. What was his sur
prise when ho was coolly informed that
it was unnecessary to give written title to
the house that there it was. and to take
it; aud the sooner (ho better, as she was
anxious to build auothevon ibespotwhero
it stood. The winner discovered that he
hrd drawn tin e'ephant he had a house
but no lot.
Enemies nn Advantage.
The greatest Iend .0 a journalist is
an enemy, although this is not true oi'
oilier peonle. Cco 'go A Ified Townscm'.,
(ho g. eat journalist, writes : " There is
no friend 10 a journalist liLe an enemy.
Tin meaner the attack, iiic more inev'.iii
ble it becomes a lene.1t." Wai. CobbeU
once r aid : " Every mean enemy brings
me a new thought, two new friends, and
live new subscribe -s." Daily ndyvd
rut. It -is related of Martin Yen li live 11,
that on one occasion, 011 ve aiming home,
he found his .wifo :u curs ami 3" -catty
eg'taied. Inquiring the c.uee, she show
ed b'ni an Albany even'ng papc, in
wh;ch ho was grossly villified and ihreat..
coed. " Ah," said the wily statesman,
" dou't fret my dorr; I paid forty dol'a
to have that put in the y, jcr." Jornwl
and Argus. 1
Double and Twisted.
A laughable circumstanco once took
place upon a trial in Lancashire, where
ltcv. Mr. Wood was examined as witness.
Upon giving bis name, Ottiwell Wood,
tho Judge addressing tho reverend person
said, 'Tray, Mr. Wood, how do you spell
your nanio V the old gentleman replied :
"'0 doublo T,
I doublo U,
K doublo L,
Double U,
Double O, D."
Upon which the astonished lawyer laid
down his pen, saying it was the most ex
traordinary name he had ever met iu his
life, and after two or three attempts, de
clared he was unable to record it. Tho
court was convulsed with laughter.
Secret of rcck .t-riclu .:g.
T
MIE Detroit Pout tells a good story as
follows :
" A short time since as our reporter was
vis' ting a town in tho interior, ho made
the acquaintance of a well-to-do farmer
who after making some inquiries in re
gard to the growth and prosperity or De
troit, inquired if there were any pick- j pesides thus got nodings to do mit vot I
pockets in the city. The reply was of vanls to told you npout.
course in tho affirmative. The farmer 1 I'esnre now ven I goes out mit mine
laughcd quietly a moment, and then j scif iu de night dime I always carry in "t
said I don't often tell my first cxperi- j mine bandaloon bockets a (cad latch loor
ence in seeing the -lions of your city, but 1 key, so I can pe able to got mit de inside
I am notas sensitive over it nowas I nsed ! of mine poaruing hauso mitout habcu to
to be, and I'll tell you about it. Some I vakcu up de whole naborhood.
years before my father died, he went to ! I manages to got up on de dhird story
New York city on business, and while j floor vhcre mine room ish situvated, l'ust
(bore ho bought himself a gold watch.
He wore it as long as he lived, and when I
he died, a few years ago, it came to me. j
Of course I was strongly attached to the j
watch, and not a little proud of it, espoc- j
laliy wiieii 1 put it iu my pocket upon
the occasion of my first visit to Detroit, j
1 haven't any doubt that I looked at it a
hundred limes a day. and you will not
be at all surprised when I tell you that I
had not been in the city two hours before
it was missing, chain and all.
"I in formed the e'erk of the hold
where I was stopping of my loss, and as
I did not remember of be'ng jostled by
any one, and could give no clue to the
lire!', ho said there was no use in c.iU'ng
in a 1 oilieer. He advised 1110 to oiler a large
reward for the return of the watch, a d
add that, no questions would be asked. I
then put such an advertisement in the
morning papers, and during the after
noon received a note informing me that'
ll"! would be at the corner of li aud L
streets that evening 'at seven o'clock with
the reward ($100.) my walehwould be re
turned to me. The note a'so .stated that
I must co.ae alone, and if during the day
I made any at'c.npt to i.iform an officer
the writer would not meet me that 1
would be watched all the time, and the
only way that I could recover my watch
was by doing precisely as I advertised.
" At seven o'clock I was at the spot
indicated, and after waitinur a few 1110-
lii nts, a well-dressed man in passing ine !
asked me the time of day. I replied that 1
it was seven o'clock. At that he asked
me to walk with him a short distance, i
11 ud as we walked ho inquired if I had
brought the $100. I replied in the nSir
niativc, when he handed me my watch,
received the money, and was about to
leave 1110, when I stopped him, and told
him I would give him 10 more to tell
me how he managed to pick my pocket.
"' Oil !" said he placing his linger on
his lip, 'you promised to ask uo questions,
but I would show you, if it wasn't for
that man standing over there on the
corner. He is a detective officer and
knows me ;' and the man pointed across
the street.
" I looked in the direction he had indi
cated, but could see 110 one that looked
like an ofiicer, though there were plenty
standing in that locality. 1 That tall fel
low, with tho stove-pipe hat, is the one I
mean ; but I must be off. Hood by.'
"The man hurried off, and I Baw him
disappear round the corner; then-1 again
tried to seo tho ' tall fellow with the stove
pipe hat, but if he had been there ho
had disappeared, and I started for the
hotel, happy in again posessing my father's
last present to me. At this thought I
put my hand on my vest pocket, where
i had placed the watch a moment before,
and the next instant you could have
knocked me down with a straw, for the
pocket was empty. Tho thief hud in- I
deed coniolicd with my request, and I
shown me ' how it was done.' I didn't
advertise it again, und I came home with
out telling the hotel clerk about that
evening's experience."
ISf-ijf" Captain Ilynders, who is not un
known to political fame in New York
city, wis driving a fine horse, worth ten
thousand dollar", over the Daterson road,
in New Jer-ey, on a Sunday morning
so i'e time ago, when the animal stepped
through a dilapidated bridge aud was
pcrnianeiiily disabled, ltynders sued the
company for the value of the horse,
but was non-suited on the ground that
the -accident occurred on Sunday, on
which day a man has no legal right to
exercise a horse 'n New Jersey.
JferThe capacity of tho stomach in a
small horse is about eight quarts, and
that of a large horse thirty quarts; the
largest of which thero is any record hav
ing a capacity of thirty-three quarts.
Jfeiy It was a woman who first prompt
ed man to eat, but he took to drink ou
his own account afterward.
A LMitelini.Tii in Trouble.
4 DUTCH correspondent of tho Dliil
J adelphia HumU-y Jf'Tcvry thus
tells how ho was taken for a burglar:
" On dat lasd Montag night I ish out
not minesclf a driflc. Veil, I don't dell
you vhero it vas dat I ish, pekaus dat's
nopody's pizness cxecbt m'ne own, und
rate; und den I must f'umple arouiit 111
de dark so I can find out mine room feel
ing very danki'ul dat I didn't make 110
noises so ash to vakcu ub do odder beo
pies iu de house. I. didn't poddcr much
mit hunting arount for de matches pox to
maUen a iiglit mit so J can unurcss una
got mit mine ped ; for I vas so tired mit
miiieseTti.it I diuks if f untertouk to do
much hunting around 1 vould vail mit
mine pody over de. ghairs or some odder
ardcr'c. und niaken apout as 'much noise
ash voulol vakcu up der hole blace
1 liCgins mit mine uutressiug iu to
; o
da.k
no blcasatit
hole evening.
siioi) alter triiiKcn liocr ue
u'l,
1 ... 1 i
I manages to got mine
i jjreatdeal of droublcs ;utit
poois oil mit
!c i:e:;t ctiug t
vas shust noil)'.
iloolv initio coat
off, und
to u'otitiiiue on by
pe" in
ning .0 unpiutoii mine suspcnler. ven 1
hears somepody near py dat ped call out,
' Who sh dat, vas ?" I at diu's make me
get so awful sheered like auydings, for I
oelief dat ish a ghost for shuic. Still 1
vhist'o mit initio mouth so I can make
mine courage stick -py me Uen i holler
pack mit dat ghost, " Shoo fly, ton't pod
der mit me." so he vill leave de room unt
understand dat I vasn't afraid apout him.
So soon ash I say dat dings, 1 hear a
pig scream so loud ash a steam railroat
vhistlc; den somepody shumps out of dat
ped mit vhite glothes on, und rushes out
of dat room like a race horse hollering
ilhicves und murder und every dings. Den
I lint's on', ven I looksarount dat I makes a
pig mistakes, und ish not in mine room.
1 vas sure now dat de hole blace vould
pe raised no, und I didn't vaut to pe
found in ("tat odder poarder's room ven
I ish only apout half uutrcsscd. So I
bick up mine coat und pools so fasd ash
can, uud manages to got py my own
room, vhich is right next tour vhere I
makes a inisdakes mit. So I vaites to
saw vot de end viU pe. In a small vhile
every beeples vot pelongs m't 'at poard
iug bans ish hunting all over der blace
for de hauspreakcr vot dhey all misdak
me for. - hey come mit mine i-oom. und
I make pelief dat I shust getavake; dhey
dell me me how a dhicf ropper ish drying
to steal de hole bans avay, und more aw
ful dings, dat if I didn't know shust how
der dings ish. I pelief I vould pe skecred
most to death. Dciu poardcrs hunt dat
hausall ub uud town, but dhey couldu't
find dat hauspreakcr dhicf. I'esurc !
know dat. Still I don't dell how mine
misdake makes all dat drouple. Und dem
beeples peliefs it dar vas a veal dhicf
py dor haus up to do bresent moment.
Legal Anecdote.
ADD true Masons, wc believe, despise
unworthy brothers who mako use of
his connection with the order for improp
er purposes. None wid enjoy the follow
ing which wc clip from an exchange, more
than our Masonic reade s, who will say,
" served him rm-ht "
Some young men in the town of ,
having ' cut up' one night, to the detri
ment of certain windows find bell-pulls,
were lodged in the calaboose, and in due
time next morning confronted before a
live magistrate, who lined them $5 each,
and gave them admonition. One of the
th'-ce foolishly remarked:
".Judge, I was in hopes you remcni
he me. I belong to the same lodge with
you!"
The judge, appavent y surprised, re
p'ied, with brotherly sy npathy :
"Ah, is it so? Tru'y, this is brother
J. 1 did not recognize yoa. Excuse
me for my dullness. Yes, wo e brother
Masons, and sho' d have thought of that.
iM r. Clerk, fine our brother $10. iieing
a Mason ho knows the rules of propriety
better than other men. Fine him $10.
You can pay the clerk, brotlie . J., good
morning. Clerk, call the next case."
tW Tho.. e !s 0110 fat man less iu Cincin
nati. Ho drank two gallons of sweet cidor
pocketed the wage , rose, chuckled, u-'cd to
make a remark, and fo'l over on t'10 floor.
That night ho perished misorably, having
cr.''nod tho app'o-at 'on of sui-cider.
SUNDAY HEADING.
The Dying Soldier.
t6T)UT ME DOWN," said a wounded
I soldier in the Crimea, to bis com
rades who were carrying him, " put 111c
down, do not. take the trouble (0 carry
me any further, I am dying."
They put him down and returned to
the field. A few minutes after an afliecr
saw the man weltering in his blood, and
said to him, "can I do nothing for you?"
' Nothing, thank you."
" Shall 1 get you a little water?" said
the kind hearted officer.
" No thank you ; I am dying."
" Is there nothing I can do for you?
Shall 1 write to your friends':"
" 1 have 110 friends that you can write
to. liut there is one thing for which 1
would be much obliged. In my knap
sack you will find a testament; will you
open it at ihe fourteenth chapter of
John, and near the end of the chapter
volt will find a. verse that begins with
"I'cace." Will you icadit?"
The ollicer did so. and read the words
" Deace 1 leave with you. my peace I
give unto you. Let not your heart be
troubled, neither let. it be afraid."
' Thank you sir," said the dying man
' 1 have that peace; 1 am going to that
Saviour; Cod is witli. me; I want no
more." hese wete his last words, and
his suirit ascended to be with Him he
loved.
Watch Yourself.
" When i was a boy," said an old man
wc had a s. hoolinaster, who had an
odd way of catching idle boys. One day
he called out to us
"i'oys 1 must have closer attention to
your books. The first one of you that
sees another boy idle, I want you to in
form me, and I will attend to his case."
"Ah," thought 1 t myself, " there is
Joe Simmons that I don't like I'll watch
him. and if I see him look off his book,
I'll tell." It was not. long before I saw
Joe look off his book, and immediately in
formed the master.
" Indeed," said he, "how did you
know he was idle ?"
" I saw him," said !.
" You did; "; and were your eyes on
your books when you saw him ?"
I viviH i-Moc-lit, s. ml never watched for
idle boys again.
If we are sulilciently watchful over our
own conduct, we shall have no time to
find fault with the conduct of our neigh
bor. 3" There is an island on the coast of
Virginia, where the people in times past
have not been "righteous over nuich."
During the past year a missionary has
labored among them with considerable
success. Not long ago, as this good man
was busy working in shirt sleeves on a
new church which was in process of erec
tion, a stout sea cap.ain hailed him :
" Are you a minister be e?"
" Yes, sir."
" Well, V'vo got ten dollars for you."
" For the church ?"
No. fo- you. self. I like your way of
doing things here. I've come to this is
land for c'ams a good many years, and
have always found them a thousand or
fifteen hundred short when 1 got heme.
It will pay me to have you keep cn
preaching doctnncs which. make the peo
ple count their clams honestly.
JCJiy Never intentionally wound the
feelings of anybody. The good opiuiott of
the world is the very best kind you can
have, and the more the better. The man
or woman who says he or she doesn't care
a pin what the world thinks or says,
gives utterances to what they know is
absolutely false. We do care, and it is
well we do : and those are gravely mis
taken who say they do not.
A muddy stream, flowing into
one clear and sparkling, lor a time rolls
along by itself. A little further down
they unite and the whole is impure. So
youth, untouched by sin, may for a short
time keep its purity in foul company, but
a little later and they mingle.
0"" Evil aud idle words may mm as
they arc uttered, light and trival things
yet if light, they are liko the filaments
of the tiiislle-down. each feathery tuft
floating on the breeze, bears with it the
rerin of some noxious weed.
flgy Tho Biblo, so littlo iu bulk, like
the five barley loaves and two small fishes
what thousands upon thousands in eve r
age it has fed I And what jn ultiu i 1
will feed in every land of Christendt 111
till the end of time !