9
I)c imc0, New Bloomftclir, )a.
sing, lighted the gas. After considerable
talk and general chaffing, Ilciskill pro
posed that the big table be cleared, and
that they should go to work.
" You're professor, to-night, Seymour,
you know, and try not to ask any ques
tions you can't answer yourself."
" Then let hun stick to tho spinal col
umn said littlo Myles. " I don't want
him asking mo to articulate a humerus
and a fibula again."
" Oil, you needn't bother about who's
to be demonstrator !" said Cyrus. " We
can't do any anatomy to-night. Tho skele
ton's gone 1"
In order that the foregoing conversation
may be understood, it may be well to
stato that these young men had clubbed
together to buy an articulated skeleton,
upon which they rubbed up their anatomi
cal knowljd.e each of tho party acting
in turn for an evening as professor,"
aud asking questious of tho others. This
skeleton was kept in a long yellow packing-trunk,
and the backman had taken it
off with Miss Birch to the hotel. There
wasnorcasm why he shoulJ not have
taken it, for it was near tho door, and
was indeed tho only trunk visible upon
first entering. Cyrus was so full of Miss
Birch aud the bothersome landlady that
he did not notice the mistake.
Of course, with three such eager and
amazed inquirers as toto the whereabouts
of their common property, there was
nothing to be done but to tell, under
promises of strict secrecy, the whole story.
It was received with unbounded applause,
and the joke was considered far more en
joyable than any studying of anatomy
could possibly prove. When the laugh
ter had somewhat subsided lleiskill asked
Cyrus what he intcuded to do.
" Why, I'll have to go round in the
morning aud explain that the wrong trunk
was taken of course I shan't tell her
what is in it , and then I shall have to
get that Bill again to drive her and it to
tho Baltimore depot, and instead -of leav
ing the trunk, he must bring it back
here. I hate tho plan, for it not only
gives trouble, but makes a lot of trickery
about the young lady that I don't like.
And I was going to send down my books
so nicely! Confound that man !"
" Do you think she 11 open it in her
room ?" said littlo Myles.
" Of course not, you blockhead," snap
ped Cyrus. " She hasn't tho key, and
besides, do you suppose she would open
my trunk if she had ?"
The most astonishing surmises now en
sued as to what would happen it so-and-so
should be so-and-so, and when no pos
sible combination of unfortunate circum
stances could be added to what had been
already laughed over, they descended to
puns. Some good and some very bad
ones were made, and poor little Myles,
after cudgeling his brains for the whole
period of punning time, finished the per
formance by wishing to goodness that the
man had been named " Cohen, when he
was alive, so that something might be
said about a " truncated cone. Noth
ing was bad enough to follow this, and so
they got out tho cards.
The next morning Cyrus dressed him
olf in his best, and actually went to his
washerwoman's liou.se to get his white
vest, if by chance it was done. It was
about half past ten when he reached the
hotel, aud tho clerk told him that Miss
Birch had gone.
" Gone !" cried Cyrus. " Where could
the have gone so soon ?"
The clerk looked very hard at him, and
replied, " How do 1 know where she
went I
However, after Cyrus had explained
how he had intended calling on this you n
lady before she left for Baltimore, thus
E roving that ho was properly aware of
er destination, tho clerk informed him
that she had left, in company with an
elderly gentleman, in time to catch the
ten o'clock train. Cyrus wont homo in a
stato of utter bewilderment. When he
reached his room he found there was a
note a note from Fanny, the first ho had
ever received :
"Dear Mn. Dunnwr, Tho telegram
reached unclo last night, and instead of
sending mo tho money lie came himsclt
early this morninr. I wanted to wait until
you called and thank you for your kindness
and your trunk (which I will take good
care of) ; but unclo thought I had better
take the ten o'clock train, becauso that was
tho only train, until aiternoon, which con.
iicctod with the cars for Martinville, and lie
thought tho family would be worried if I
didn't oret homo until after my trunks ar
rived by express. He says lie will leave this
and stop and thauk you himself.
"Yours truly, F. B."
On iiiouiry, Cyrus found that the note
had been left by a gentleman just before
came in, wno oskcu. lur niui, uui
wouldn't wait.
JNow what was to be don 1 Nothing,
Cyrus thought, but to write to his father,
tell him tho story, and cet him to send
over to Mr. Birch's for the trunk, and re
turn it to Philadelphia by express. This
course having been concluded upon, Cy
rus wrote and mailed the letter to his
father.
The rest of the day would probably
have been spent by Cyrus in tho enjoy
ment of Fanny's letter and his recollec
tions of her visit, had not his friends
called upon hiiu to know if he had got
back old " Cohen" for so they had bap
tized tho "truncated" one, since little
Myles' pun .When they heard the rest
of the story they were wild with delight,
and the osseous jokes that were made
were worthy of tho inmates of a mad
house.
" It's such a mean old trunk," said lit
tle Myles. " Nothing but a thin packing-
box any way, and I don t believe .1 locked
it last time. I'll bet any man ten dollars
that old Cohen's out before this time."
" They'll open it on tho cars when
they hear it rattle," said Seymour. " You
know people can only take wearing ap
parel, and a skeleton is not wearing ap
parel at least that ono is not wcanug
my.
Jt they think its lrcight, and take e
out, it will result in J'riyht" suggested
Myles ; and then, as usual, the uproar
stopped the joking.
The next morning, about nine o'clock,
just asUyrusc:itliisbrciikfast,goton credit
tiom the grocery store where he dealt ,
he received a telegram. It was from Mr.
Birch, and contained these words:
" You are viantcd here. Cume imme
diate."
Cyrus clutched his hair, stamped his
foot, clapped on his hat, locked his door,
rushed round to llciskcll's, forced from
him four dollars and some seventy cents
all he had and reached the Baltimore
depot in time for the ten o'clock train.
What his leelings, his fears, or his hopes
were during the journey is not to be put
on paper. At two o clock he had reached
Baltimore. By half-past he was on his
way in the Martiuville train to his desti
nation. Keachiu; tho village, he had no
money or desire to hire a carriage, and so
started out to walk as rapidly us possible,
the two miles and a hall that lay between
him and Mr. Birch's house.
Arriving there, hot and flustered, he
walked through the open door, and hear
ing voices in the diiuug-rooui, walked
quickly in, and found a coroner's jury
sitting upon the remains of the unfortu
nate Cohen !
We will now relate tho circumstances
which led to this inquest. The trunk had
been taken to the hotel for safety, and
Fanny, with her borrowed bacajjo ut the
foot of htr bed, had slept the sweet sleep
of an innocent maiden, without Leitiix
troubled by the ghost of her quiet room
mate. .Everything had gone on aduniu
bly, and she arrived at Martiuville in "rood
season, where her father was waiting for
her in a buggy. lie was surprised that
she brought another trunk, tor her ba
gage had arrived early that morning; but
she explained the matter, much to his
merriment, and ho ordered tho station-
master who was also express ageut and
several other things to send tho trunk
after them in a wagon. This the man
promised to do; but having taken two
trunks up there that morning, and ex
peeting uo more jobs for that day, his
wagon was undergoing some repairs at
tno blacksmith s, and so ho could not
promise to send it much before nightfall
However, in an hour or two, alony; came
Silas Hoopcs, a peripattie OTceu-roccr
and general vender, who for half the or
dinary ice oflered to take tho truuk to
Mr. Birch s. lie was goiug that way
and was always u;lad of an excuso to stot
aiiy where on his route, even if it was not
at the house ot a customer.
On tho road Silas examined the trunk
" Well, 1 rcckou," said ho, " I never
saw such a common old truuk o to tho
Birches' afore this day. Shouldn't won
der if Miss Fanny'd been a-buying
e'rositics up to l'hily. It's light, too.
les, thats so; I thought it rattled when
I put it in ; I don't doubt its shells, or a
sew in machine, Jam t locked neither
only strapped. They might as well'a
locked it, lor hero s a hasp aud all.
don't expect it's much, any how, or it 'ud
a been locked.
A slow drivo of a quarter of a mile
now tollowcd.
" 0' courso, there's no harm just look
in' in, when it ain't lucked nor nuthiii.
Everybody has looked. I'll bet."
Just a little ahead was a turn in the
road, and a largo tree at tho corner with
a uice bit of smooth grass under it. It
was just tho place for Silas' horso to rest
and cool off a little; and so tho old man
drew up there. Then ho whistled a little
and looked about him carelessly. Then
he stood up and looked around carefully.
Then he unstrapped tho trunk. Then
he whistled a few bars more, and raised
the lid.
On the other sido of a pretty thick
lediro of cedar-trees and blackberry bush
es was 'Squire Curtis with his gun. He
had been watching for a shot, but when
ho saw Silas stop and stand up to view
the country, ho watched Silas. He had
long suspected tho old chap, and what was
he goiug to do now f " Oil ho I open a
trunk, eh! and not his cither, or he'd
waited till he d ;ot home 1
So softly through the hedgo came
'Squire Curtis, and the first instant Silas
opened the trunk tho 'Squire had him by
the collar.
The yell which Silas gavo when Mr.
Cohen languidly stuck up his two attenu
ated legs, which had been tightly doubled
up in the trunk, was only equaled by the
shout from 'Squire Curtis. The horse
started ; Silas loll backward out of the
wagon ; the Squire stood like a man ot
marble; and away went the wagon, with
Cohen's legs dangling carelessly over the
end of the truuk.
"Whoso is that?" said the 'Squire,
when his voice came to him.
" Mr-r-r Birch's" chattered poor old
Silas.
" That's a lie." said the 'Squire. " He's
not dead, I know. What have you been
doing r
Silas then explained that he knew
nothing but that the trunk was to go to
Mr. Birch s ; and who the ' corpse was,
bless his soul and body, ho knew nothing
liout it, but it might go to any place,
Lcibrc ho would touch it; and upon this ha
was lor cutting across the holds to his
home. But the 'Squiro seized him, and
forced him to hurry on after the horse
ana wagon. J hey came up with it just
as it reached Mr. Birch's gate ; aiid as
Silas would not go near the wagon, the
'Squire had to seize the horse's head and
turn him into the yard.
It is useless to endeavor to describe
the scene which took place in the happy
family of Mr. Birch. Shrieks, fainting
fits, shouts to take it away, and a gen
eral scene of horror and confusion which
had never ben known in that part of the
county, was succeeded by the exodus, on
foot, or in some one's arms, of all the
women, and a council of the men. Silas
told his story, not omitting in Ins fnuht,
bis sin of curiosity. Mr. Birch went up
stairs to question ianny, and only discov
cred that she knew nothing, and that it
must have got changed on tho cars ; and
" Oh ! please never mention it again !
Oh dear! Oh dear!"
It was finally concluded to put the re
mains of " murdered man" in the stable
for the night; and the 'Squire, who was
the coroner for tho county, declared his
intention of summoning a jury in the
morning. 1 hat niuht, however, Mr
Birch, who thought that Mr. Durham
might be able to explain this though
how ho knew not , sent the telegram.
When Cyrus canio before tho jury and
told the history of the skeleton, showed
how all its joiuts and separato and nidi
vidual bones were neatly joined and ar
ticulated by means ot wires, and pulled
from his pocket tho bill and receipt of
the skillful artificer who had prepared the
specimen, the jury found a verdict" Died
ot some cause unknown.
Cyrus then repacked Mr. Cohen, and
sent In in by one ot Mr. Uireh smen to the
station, to await orders; taking care this
tune to lock the trunk.
Mr. Durham did not go over to his
father's house right away, but staid to
supper, hanriy was still very nervous,
and lie walked out into the garden with
her to explain it all fully ; and ho ex
plained it all to such an extent that she
agreed, before tho conversation closed
that when sho traveled in the future it
should be with him, and they both should
have the same trunks. -
A Close Witness.
At a recent inquiry before a parlia
mcntary committeo, the following scone
took place : Counsel for the. bill to wit-
n Well, you called on Mr. Koberts
and what did he say 1 Counsel oppnxed to
the bill I object to the question ; it is
not evidence. (Counsel then argue the
point for thirty minutes.) Chairman of
Committee The room must bo cleared
until wo decide this matter. . (Room is
cleared ; tho question, after being dis
oused for forty minutes, is allowed, and
parties are again called.) Counsel for
the bill to toitnem Now then, sir, be care
ful. You called ou Mr. Roberts ; what
did he say 1 Wittiest Uq wasn't at home
sir, so I didn't see him.
Puhluhed by H quest.
A WISH.
WHERE is tiio robin, ana where Is his mate?
And why don't tlicy coino and build?
Tho snow Is still here, and tho spring Is so lato
That tho flowers all will bo chilled.
If winter could hear tho bird singing. I know
He'd quickly bid farewell, and go.
Under tho snow there are dandelions hid,
Just waiting to open their eyes;
And erociisss, dalscys and hyacinths too;
And violets witli hue like the skies;
Then come little songsters.aiid bring us good-cheer,
And Spring, the fair maiden, soon will appear.
Under the snow there are meadows of grain,
And beds of the lovliest moss;
O, I long for a walk down somo shady lane,
Or a row, the old river across,
And I'm only waiting for birds and bees,
And a coat of green on the forest trees.
Then, come, wren and bl ue-blrd, robin and dove,
And build in the orchard your nests,
While weaving, and singing a song of your lovo
To the ono whom your heart loves the best;
Spring hearing your music, will come, bringing
flowers,
And garland with beauty, our gardens and bowers.
ill. K. MOVIiK.
- Answer to nuzzlo In last week's Dancr-
Mauiuascak.
IIoay Michael Curci! His Tig.
ll. MICHAEL Fagan is a very
t I worthy repicsentativc from " Green
Kriu," residing in a small village, near
Boston. Michael is an industrious
man, and strives hard to turn an honest
penny whenever and however there may
be tho slightest prospect ot prolit.
Michael has a littlo patcli ot ground
behind his house, where ho supports a
lew ducks and chickens ; and
the fresh-
est eggs in the neighborhood
can always
be found on his premises; ior ho never
allows himself to be possessed of more
than a single dozen at a time.
In addition to his stock of poultry,
Michael purchased, this summer, a young
pig ; which, alter lour months pettinj
and nursing, ho prided himself upon ex
hibiting to his friends and acquaintan
ces, as the ' swatest crathur in the world.
But Michael's pig took sick, lust week,
and from his coughing and sneezing syuip
toms, it was certainly evident he had
contracted a bad cold.
Close by tho residence of this honest
Hibernian there dwells tho village physi
cian a kind hearted man and very skill
ful whoso practice is none ot tho lar
gest. As he came from his house, a few
mornings since, Michael stood at his gate
ruminating upon the chances in favor of
his favorite young porker; and, observing
the doctor, hailed him :
" The top o' tho moruin' to ye, doc
thur !"
Ah ! Michael, how are you?"
" It's very well I am mysel', docthur;
but perhaps ye II be tellin a poor man
wot he 11 be a doin' for tho pig, sure?"
" Piq .'" exclaimed the doctor, with
suiile, " What pig? aud what's Flic matter
with him '("
" Sure he's very bad, indade, so ho is
A cowld, docthur. Snazin' and barkin'
the head oil him a most, and 1 d like to
know what I'll bo doin' wuth hiin'i"'
" Well, really, Michael, I can't say.
I'm not a pig doctor at any rate!" .
" It's ineself as could say that sure.
But s'p'osin' it were a baby instead the
sweet crathur wot wud I bo doin wuth
him for the cold ho has!"'
" Well," continued tho doctor, consid
cratcly, "if it werefchild, Michael, per
haps 1 should recommend a mustard poul
tice for his back, and that his feet be
placed in hot water."
"It's much oblecgcd to you, docthur, I
am," responded Mike, as the physician
passed along; and ho entered his dom
icil. " Biddy," ho added addressing his
good woman, " we'll euro tho pig, so we
will."
And in a littlo while tho snaizing por
ker was enveloped in a strong mustard
poultice, from his ears to his tail ! Not
withstanding his struggles, and his sneez
ing and torture from the action of the
unyielding plaster a tub of almost boiling
water was prepared and into it poor piggy
was soused above his knees. Tho result
may bo easily conceived.
Next morning, bright and early, Mi
chael stood at his littlo gate once more,
awaiting the coming of tho doctor, who
soon made his appearance, as usual.
"Good morning, Mike; how's the
pig?"
' 0, bo gorrah, doctor ! It was mighty
oncivil on ye to bo a tratia' a neighbor
that way, so it was."
" Why what has happened, Michael;!"
" Happened is it! I put the powltis
on tho pig, so I did au' ho squailcd
bloody miirthcr to be sure ; an tho wull
came off his back from napo to dock !"
"What!"
" An' thin I put tho swait baist's feet
into the hot watlier as ye bid me do, an'
be jabers in five minits the hoof dropped
off o' him iiitirch, too I so they did!"
i'oor Michael iMigan I ho had spoken
truly. Through his ignorance ho had
blistered off the bristles, and with the hot
water he had j-caldcd off the poor grunter a
feet. lie died under this double dose.
and though Michael has never since asked
the doctor's advice upon similar matters,
ho always insists that it was "amano
tbrick, so it was !"
A Collector.
" And so you are married, Bridget ?"
said a lady to her former servant. "And
pray what is your husbands business?
" Business is it inarm ?"
" Yes. What does ho do for aliv-
ins :
" Shuro he's a collector."
"A collector! Why, Biddy," said
madamc whose ideas of a collector wero
of a handsome judge of her acquaintance,
who " ran the Custom House" " married
a collector ! you don't say."
" Shuro I do, marm, say that same."
" A collector ! Why where is his of
fice.
" All over the city, marm," said Brid-
rrnf
"All over the city, replied madamo,
beginning to wonder what Biddy was
driving at; "and how much does he col
lect V
" Fifty or sixty pounds, and some days
a hundred."
" You mean fifty or sixty dollars, not
pounds dollars, Bridget," said madamo,
with emphasis.
No, marm, I don't mane dollars, I
mane grease:"
" Grease?"
" Shure I do, for Pat is a soap-greaso
collector."
Quits.
Tho New York World tell the follow
ing of Madame l'otcsdad, a noted horse
woman and belle of tho National Capi
tal. " On ono occasion, it is said, when
staying at the Warm Springs, in Vir
ginia, sho started out with a riding party
for the warm spring Mountain, and dared
tho gentlemen accompanying her to do
what she did. This Mountain is quito
high, and has at its summit a rock jutting
out over a precipice. To the extreme
verge of this rock Miss. Randolph rode,
to the great consternation ot her friends.
She did not even leave her horse room to
turn round, but, having accomplished
her purpose, sho backed him from tho
dangerous position aud faced tho rest of
the party in triumph. Not a man would
lullow her example, but one youthful
piece of inexperience stood on his bead
in his saddle aud dared the lady to do
that. Of courso she cried " quits."
BA correspondent of tho American
Churchman tells of a Baptist church in
Illinois which had hired a Congregational
minister to supply them for a year.
When communion day arrived, it was
planned that the minister should ex
change with a Baptist pastor, but heavy
rains prevented. What was to bo done ?
A meeting was held, and concluded to al
low their preacher to administer the Lord's
Supper, but bo not having been im
mersed should not partake with them !
Agreed. When the Sunday camo ho let
a small piece of bread fall ou the carpet.
Picking it up, and holding it between his
thumb and finger, ho said, " Even tho
dogs may eat tho crumbs which fall
from tho master's table." And ho par
took of the saiuo, much to tho surprise
of tho congregation
J There was many years ago a lazy
man's society organized in a certain town
in Oxford county, Mo. One, of the ar
ticles required that no man belonging to
tho society should ever bo in a hurry.
Should ho violato this article he must
treat tho other members. Now it hap
pened on a timo that tho village doctor
was seen driving post hasto through the
stccets to visit a patient. The members
of the society saw him. and" chuckled
over tho idea of a treat, and on his re
turn reminded him of his fast riding,
and violation of the rules. " Not at all,"
said tho doctor ; " tho truth was my horso
was determined to go, and I felt too lazy
to stop him !" They did not catch him
that time.
t