Bradford reporter. (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, December 08, 1881, Image 1

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The EIRLDItORD IMPORTS& is published eirer7
Thursday morning by GOODRICH &HITCHCOCK,
at One Dollar par annum, In advance.
j Advertising In all cases exclusive of sub ,
err pdon to the, paper.
SPECIAL NCiTlCESinserted at Tax CU Taper
line for first insertion, and Mx CSNTB perline for
each suesepentitlClrtion, but no notice inserted
for less than fifty cents.
YE I.RLY A.O VC SPISEHENTS willbeinsert•
ed at reasonable rates.
Aim Ms:more and Executor's Notices, 12;
A.O Boni Notices,.SOl Business Cards, Ore lines,
(per - year) IS, additional lines $1 each.
Yearly mivertisers are entitled to quarterly
b tinges. Transient advertisements must be paid
for in advance.
All resolutions of associations; cOmumniestions
of Maned or individual interest, and notices of
marriages or deaths, exceeding five ilnesare charg
ed Ws CNSTS per line, tont simple noticesof mar
r lakes and de .the will be published urithontcharge.
The HIPORTga having a larger circulation than
40 other paper I n the county, makes •it the best
advertising onedintn In Northern Penagivania.
JOB PRENTING of every kind, in plain and
fancy colors,donts with neatness and dispatch.
/1312 wills, Blanks, Cards, Pamphlets, Bilitteads,
'State:nents, he., of every v ariety and style,printed
at-the shortest notice. The HSPORTER office Is
well supplied with power presses,* good assort
ment of now type. and everything In the printing
ae can be executed In the most artistic manner
nd at the lowest rates. TERMS INVARIABLY
usiness barbs.
Dec 23-'75
Nnv.13'79.. TOWANDA, PR A'N' A
Office—At Treasurers Office, In Court House
And dealers In ;Fret Saws and Amateurs' Sappltes.
Seta for pylee,llsts. WEPOUTEU
Boa 1511.-Towanda, Pa. 31 . reh 1, 1881.
1 - 4 1 L. HOLLISTER, D. D; S.,
IL •
:;oceessor to Dr. E. Angle). OFFICE—Second
floor of-Lir. Prattli oflice.
,lauuiry 6, 1681.
. ,
. .
A- ATTonsEvs.AT-Lew.°
Office—Rooms foriuerly occupied by T. SI. C. A.
Reading Room.
ii. J. 'IADILL. . - 3,16,50 =O. li. KINNEY.
J 0113! W. CORDING; •
t).lice over kirtty's Drug Store.
Particular attention paid to business in the-Or
phan,' Court aid to the settlement of estates. •
September 25, 1979.
PECK & ovERTo - s,
TOW AX 1)A, A.
IrA. Orstrros, BENJ. M. PECK
Solicitor of Patents.. Particular attention paid
to to... Bless lu the Orphans Court and to the settle
ment of estates.
,take in Montanyes Block May 1, '79.
E. ko rtnros, in
;T V •
! I u ige „leggup having resbutod the praCtice of the
law itt Northern Pennsylvania, will attend to any
I egal It,iness fntrusted to hinLin Bract`lorit county.
Pet - ions Wishing to consult :him, can call on ht..
St reeler.. Esq.. Towamta, when an appointment
can he male.
Fe l, 27, '79
1 L.
~t llCe with U. F. Mayon, over Patch & Tracy ,
:dreet, Towanda. Pa.
TONN'A N 1) A. P-A,;-'l.:
Side Public Square..
• Jan. 1,1875
1 ANDIIt , 'W WILT, -
ty • 1 .
4 ATTI, , RN El'-AT-1 V.
' ( Mee—Meau,' Block, Mata-M.,over J. L. Rent's
st..)r,, l',.'waa - : . May be cot:1E411LO I u German.
r April 12,'76.),
1! CO - LNG,
, •
71.2s—Nlereur, up stairs
plt. S. M. WOODBURN,. Physi
/ clan add. Surgepn.' Office at residence, on
:411:ti street. ii-ts,t door le,rrh of M. E. Church.
T.. 0. Al: :a, April 1, - ISSI. : .-
_ . J.
' vir B. KELLY,DENTIsT.—Office
I . over.M. E. ito,entieliPs; Towanda. I'a.
.Teeth In‘erted on liol.l, Silver. Rubber, and Al
tunitun ha , e. •Teeth extracted idthout pain.
4 D. I'AYNE , M-. D.
- I -1
();1,,e over Montanyes' Store. Office hours from 10
- . to 12 A. m„ and :front 2 to 4 P.M.
Special attention given to .
,lir and or
Tii F. EVES . VIE ~4111
11 L. LAMB,
Ve -
A TrfilLvE nv.T-I,A TV,
l Sprth Franklin•si., Wilkes-Barre, Pa
Si , cial attention given to collections In T.nzerne
a::4 coonties. licierettres: lion. P.
Ni..rrow ; First National Bank, Towanda.
AIRS. F..c.7-.t.
Oven In Tlinrongli sp..c and liar:tinny
I atl,.nnf thevoiee a kpcelalty. I,neated at J.
P \'.i 'I Stan. Street. Reference Mime.
PAssage. Towanda., P.,.51 arch 4, 188(1.
fl W. Ita" AN ,
VI •
ItTlre Clay last Saturday of each tnablh -over Turner
tl..,llott'A Drug Store, Towanda, Pa.
T Rwanda, June 20. 1875.
Place of business. a feu; doors north of Post-Orrice
Plumbing, Gas Fitting, Repairing Pumps of all
Innis, and ail kinds of timlttin.o , promptly atteruleil
tn. All wanting work in his line sbnuld
a • all. . Dec...l. 1879.
Tak Bank offers unusual facilities fOr the trans
sci ion of a general banking buslnva,
N. N. BETTS, Cashier.
JOS. rowELL, President
Vilna W•RD, TbwAYD•, P♦
tit-ats afall hours. Terms to salt the times. Large
stable attached.
W M. IIinTRY, Paoraiwron
Towanda, Jolly 2. •79-t y
4, I usQuEILAN NA Comzenkrz-IN
_l tiTITCTIC.—FI IfST WINTER. TElt will cam-
M.INIIAY, oCT. 31, ISSI. Expenses for
n.d. tuition awl farnigled room, from . '172 to
`o p , f .
eatllogne or further particu
t adelliss the - Principal,, July EMITS X. 9ITINII.AIF. A X
A. D. DYE & CO.
Fall & Winter, 1881.
Heating Stoves.
They are too well known to require any
commendation— .
New Heela,
BURNERS, the best of their dos in the
market, and well adapted-for supplying a
de . mand for an- efficient but . inexpensive
heating stove.
4 ariety
SE 4 e 300 °VII
Happy Thought Ranges
A. D. DYE & CO.
Wood Cook Stoves,
• 75,000
Westminster l ,
Crown- Jewell.
We also have a line of 'CHEAP BASE
Sold in Towanda and vicinity by
And a general stock.of
Towab,4, October MI
I IR, 0 ,
The Entire
Stock of the late firm
of Mclntyre Brothers
must be closed out at
Cost within Thirty
Days, by the.' purcha-
ser. Goods recently
bought at Sheriff's
ands, Jij!y 11k 1881-mi
There's come a singular doctrine, Sue,
Into our church to-day;
These curiae words are what the new
Young preacher had to say.l
_ That literal everlastin• lire -
Was mostly In our eye ;,
That done!, dead, If they desire,
Can got another try;
He doubted Ha warmer clithe
Than this world could be proved;
..The little snip—l fear some time
_ He'll get his doubts removed:
I'Ve watched my duty straight an' true,
An' tried to do It well ;
Fart of the time kept haven in Tiew,
An' part steered clear o' hell ;
An' row half of this work Is naught,
If I must list to him,
An' this 'ere der!! I have fought .
dwss On:y just a whim,
Vain are the dangers have braved,
The sacrifice they st ;
For what fun Is ft to saved, . 1
If no one - else Is lost? • - -
Just think !—Supriose,_vrhen once I vie
The heaven I've tolletTi - oVVIn;-' .
A lot of unsaved sinners; too,
Come walking grandly In I
Au' acts to drone, same as If they
Mitres] their titles clear,
An' looks at me, as If to say,
" We're glad to see you here . -
As if to say, " While you have; been .1
So fast to toe the mark,. ' • •
We waited till it rained, an' then •
Got tickets for the ark
Yet there would be some In that crowd
I'd rather like to see :
3ty boy Jack—lt must be allowed
Tti.-re was no worse than he!
I've always felt somewhat to blame,
In several different ways,
That he lay down on thorns o' shame
To end his boyheod's days ;
An' I'd be willln` to endure,
It that the Lord thought best,
A minute's (Mite hot term erature,
'To clasp him to my breast.
Old Captain Barnes was evil's son.—
With . heterodoxy eratumed-- , .
I used to think he'd beiho one
If any one was . danthed ; • '
Still, when I Saw aid ck• poor, 'f
That.he had clothed and fed,
- Cry desolately round his door, 1.
As soon as he was dead, •
There came a thought Icouldn't contra],
That In some.nentral laud,
like to meet that scorched•up foul,
Au' shake It by the hand.
Poor Jennie Willis, with a - cry -
Of hopelessness, and distress,
Sank sudden down, one night. to die,
All In her bali•romn dress;
•She bad a precious little while
To pack - up an' away ;
She even left her sweet good smile—
`Twas on the face next day; , .
Her soul went oil unclothed by even -
One stitch of saving grace
flow valid she hope to go to heaven,
• An , start from such a place? -
But once. when I lay. nick an' weak,
She came, and beggedlb stay;
kissed my faded, wrinkled cheek—
She soothed ray pain away 4,
She brought me sweet bognets of flowers
As fresh as her ,young heart—
Through many long and tedious hours
She played a Christfan I7A rt ;
An' ere I long will srand'aronn'
.The singln` saints among,
try to take some water down,
-To cool poor Jennle's tongue. •
=Ent tears can never quench my creed,, • -;
Nor smooth God's rlghteous frown,
Though all the preachers learn to read
Their Bibles upside '
1.2101 thine uptight side with care
To slAeld my oyes from Mn,
An' coax the Lo d; with daily prayer,
To call poor wanderers lu ; -
i3iit If the binners won't draw nigh,
Are take salvation's plan, -
'll have to stand and . sCe 'cm to ,
To dodge hell if they can.
- The hair of :all Twiddleton stood
on end witk'escitement. A•box con- .
taining the dismembered skeleton of
a man had been dug up in the cellar
of an old houSe back of the hotel, and,
until the mystery thereof was solved,
no inhabitant of Twiddleton could
enjoy an hour's mental repose. - - .
Business was neglected in Twid-
Alleion. Men congregated at corners
to discourse upon the ;all-absorbing
topic, and women lefttheir ;dinner
pots to boil fßer_while they discussed
the mystery above their yard fences.
Still no one _had taken ;any actual
steps to, the discovery ofthe murder
er, until Mr. Soloinon.!Slocum
announcedliiii intention of tak
ing the matter inhand.L . ' .
If anyone . per - Ftsinnetent for this
tAik", it vritS,olomon; Slocum., There
-had i hover been .ft Mystery in Twid
dleton that he had not ferreted oat;
never i secret act - oft lawlessness,
froM the burning of 'Squire Renni's
barn to the; tying Of al cat to Miss
Skinner's brass do'or•knocker, but he
hadiSucceeded in identifying-the cul
pr. He also interested himself in
ma\ter of 'a more private and-inno
cent. nature. He knew the history
oflevery family in the country; had .
•ertained the age of every single
lady,land wtio wore false hair and,
teeth ; and when a silk' dress had
been dyettand made over. ; ; -•
Slocum went ;to Rork in ti i very
methodical manner., First;.-he
tained froin corporation deeds that
the house containing - the mysterious
cellar'(no•W occupied by an estimable
single lady, who had fainted on'the
discovery that she had been "living
over a dead man ") bad 'been built
nearly 100 - ,years ago by an-rincester
of -theHarker family. :Thereupon; a
shadow tell upon the Illarkers,.and
several persons were led thedis
; coVery that they haft:alwilys;seemed
a. sly and underhand see. Job Har
however, proved that the hOtnte
bad been sold some twenty years
after its ceinnleton to Capt. Womble,
whereupon the Wombles -came in for
a share of the shadow.
Tom and his father then came forl!
ward, the fortrierwith a horse-whip
and the latter with a paper, which
nroved that in the days . of the Worn
• ble"S•occupancy of the house no cel
lar had existed •within it.
Following this clew, Solomon Slo
cum, after much investigation, sue
ceded in satisfying himself that the
cellar in meet was - excavated. in..the
year 1845,
,just after the property
had passed into' the h4pds of the
This discovery, of course, nt once
placed that family _under a ban of
suspicion.. Solomon, wtrose only son,
Joe, had long been paying particular
attention to pretty ; Jessie Bowan,
found himself not proof against the
general prejudice.
'No tilocum,' be remarked, with
virtuous resolution, 'shall marry' . into
a family in whose veins runs the
black blood of a murderer.'
• And_ though it was not, evident
to the hearers of this speech that the
blood of a murderer must necessarily
be black, they nevertheless approved
of the sentiments.
'The case having been narrowed
down to t this p'int,' observed Solo
mon, looking gravely around upon
an interested audience in the tap
room of the hotek"to the year "45,'
it remains for us tb discover what
men folks hey onaceountably and
mysteriously disappeared since that
date; and to ascertain, if possible,
what relations the missing men had
with any of the I3owans.' '
'Thar was the Yankee notion•ped
dler,' suggested Slocum's particular
chum, who kept the store and post
office opposite. 'He.' was missiu'
more'n three weeks.' •
'FIiS body was found and decently
buried,' Slocum replied.
• 'Then that swell Chap who was so
flush &greenbacks,' said another. •
'Bogus. T'o • wonder he mysteri
ously disappeared—with the police
after him'
4 Afiem "The young student that
passeld a month here ko your father's
time. You must reniember that be
left here in. a mighty sudden and un
accountable way, and to my knowl
edge never was heard of ag'in.' -
'To be sure, to be sure l' assented
Slocurn;. his eyes speaking as he
found himself possessed of this valu
able clew., - 'Drewry was his name.
A golly young chap lie seethed to. be.
Plenty &money, too, I recollect.'
He hurried away home; and speed
ily returned with certain massive and
well-worn volumes, which proved to
be ledgers and account books of his_
late father, while landlord of the inn
The present proprietor of that
tab!ishment,, Capt. Grasty, leaned
over his shoulder and watched with
interest as he ran his finger down
certain pages, stopping occasionally
-to read.
'Here it is!' .exclaimed Slocum,
'Allan Drewry—Aug. 10, 1848. The
cellar was built in '45,' he added,
significantly looking around..! •
Lor'!' exclaimed Mrs. 0 ras
ty,ad vancing from the kitchen,where
she had been an interested oserver
of those proceedings, 'why, Lor't 1
remember Mr. Allan Drewry; I. was
a gal at that time, and he sort o'
made up to me.'
Solomon looked slowly around the
circle and solemnly shodk his head.
ALook . here, Slocum,' said Captain
Grasty, still running,
~his eye down
the page; 'what's this? ''Paid John
Bowan CI, first quarter's rent of his
cellar." '!Why, what. had Chris Slo
cum to do with that cellar ?'
Slociirn7s eyes expanded. He rub
bed his spectacles and stared intent
ly at the fatal words.
'IL—I don't believe 'twas that eel-
lar,' he gasped:
'Couldn't have , been any other.
rust across the-baCk yard here, with
a doorin the wall between. Conve
nient to the house, you see.'
'You don't mean to insinuate,' said
Solomon, turning upon him with a
white face, that my . father had any
thing to o with that—that affair?' .
don't insinuate anything,' an
swered the captain, with a shrug ;
'though I don't see how Chris Sio 7
cum was any_better than Old Wom
ble or John Bowan.'
Michael Lafferty, a sort of loafing
character ef Twiddleton, here turned
around from the bar, 'See here, cap'n,
yez best,,pot mix. ould . men's name
wid them dry bones beyant. He was
may friend; he 'was,:an' I'll stall' by
him an, his. Ad' see here,lt's bet
ther to', let out the truth. The ould
man wanted the cellar-forstorage.'
'What kind of storage
. 'Whist, thin! Don't ye mind when.
the revenue officers was . down 'here ;
eounld n't find d rap - o' the stuff
!nit what wasn't straigh? But; be
dad! they niver looked iri the cellar
beyant.' - -
believe itl' cried Slocum
savagely. . • -
But be saw that every one around
him did:credit the man's statement.
His respected father dealing in il
licit whisky and cheating the reven
with his neighbors'
eyes bent upon him; seemed to be
shrinking to half his natural size,
remember when the revenue of
ficers used!to hang 'around here -in
disguise,'' said one man: .-
-'An idear strikes me,'
said another.
'What if -this - young fellerDrewry,
you call liiin--:-was - oLe of 'em, and—
and,' keeping!one eye half fearfully
fixed upon Slocum, 'ferreted out that
cellar and never came - 'hut
For a week after this an awful calm
of- suppressed horror brooded over
Twiddleton, People- were appalled
at the heinous crime which the in
vestigationS: of Solomon Slocum
brought to light. '7 ,
There could be no doubt-upon the
subject'; for on a close examination,
-a hammer-had been found under the
bones in a ,bag,plainly branded with
Christopher Sloeum's initials.
Poor Solomon' Slocum! - bow -his
glory bad departed! mould that he
bad never :interfered with - what had
not concerned hitn, - He 'son. of a
murderer, and 'his son t o bear forever
the dark blot Of, that stigtna. Jahn
Bowan had 'forbidden his daughter
to receive the young man's attentions,
thmigh Jessip cried, 'and declared
that-she did not see - why Joe should
suffer for a sin not his own.
• 'One day, about six months after
these events, a well dressed, jol'y
looking, elderly gentleman stopped
at the Eal.le Hotel. As the servant
took bis horse, he look around curi
ously at the transformed- house°i►nd
its new sign. A group of idlers were
collected, as usual, on the long, low
piazza, and there listened with inter
est to what was said.
`Place improved since r was here,
somedlve and twenty years ago. Who
is till landlord now ?'
'Myself;sir; Thomas Grasty,' res
poncied the host with dig,nity.: -
'Ab! what has beeonieof old Chris
Slocum P ...
'Dead, sir, years ago. That's :hs
son,'.poipting to a seedy and dejeet=
ed looking individual passing sloiVly
along the street. -,,, • . ..
. • 'Sol? . Not like this - Strapping
young'cbap'l remember.' • . .±.
t. 1,
_ _
'Air,sir, he's had enough to change
And, in accordance with his now
established habit, Cat•tain Grasty re
galed his guest with the whole story
of the discovery of the ghastly re
mains in . the cellar.
To his utter astonishment, the gen
tleman, after listening attentively,
broke into uncontrollable laughter.
'So they accuse poor old Chris of
robbery and murder, do thee'
'Undoubtedly the was
murdered, sir.' .
'Perhaps not. I am Dr. Allan
Drewry; no ghost, but, as you see,
substantial, living flesh. Ha, ha!' =
In less than an hour the news had
spread through the village like wild
fire. Everybody knew the, story;
how Allan Drewry, Wben about to
commence his medical studies, had,
by his unconquerable disposition to
'Ain and flirtation,' got himself into
a- serious scrape: with a lady 'of un
certain age who unflinchingly, claim
ed to be his promised bride ; and
how - tier . determined middle-aged
brother had discovered him in his
vacation retirement at. ,Twiddleton,
whence he;had escaped at a moment's
notice, leaving his , effects to be for
warded by the sympathizing landlord,
whom he had taken into his confi 7
deuce. -
Among, these effects was 'a certain
skeleton, which the embryo medical
student had filched from a neglected
burial ground near the village. Chris
topher Slocum had been afraid to
send this on with the rest of
'effects' and had hidden in the Bowan
cellar,, lightly covered . . over with
It was wonderful how pleased peo
ple were at this late revelation of
Chris Slocum's innocence, and his
son's and grandson's freedom from
the stigma which hal weighed so
heavily upon them. So they hasten
ed to make all the reparation in their
power for the injustice they had been
guilty of;' and Joe's and Jessie's
wedding was quite a grand affair in
'lt's always best to let either folk's
consarns alone, and mind your own;
is the moral now carefully inculcated
by Solomon Slocum upon the tender
minds of his grandchildren.
A Bold Stroke.
'No; I refuse.'
'Reflect a moment, Myrtle, I be
seech you I You hold my life and
happiness in your hands;' and the
voice of Adelbert Tompkins tretubled
as he spoke 'theie =words with an
earr-estness that forbade, even for
an instant, any doubt as to their be
ing the outpourings of his heart.
Myrtle Mahatl; was a beautiful
girl, just budding :nto sweet woman
hood, and Adelbert loved her dearly.
They had wandered together this
summer aftefnoon from the matinee
to the streetcar, and he had asked
her'to be his wife. It was in answer
to this question—the earnest appeal
of a man whose . whole nature was
wrapped up in , a passion he could
neither control or cast aside—that
Myrtle had 'spoken th.e,words with'
which our story opens. She d,
watched him closely during an ;ac
quaintance of nearly two years, and
noticed with pain how he sedulously
avoided candy stores and ice cream
saloons. can never marry a man,'
she had said to her mother one day,
'who shies at the sight of a candy
store like a country horse at a fire
engine.' . And when the expected
avowal came she had kept her word.
Adelbert turned 'around inra dazed
sort of a way. after Myrtle - had re
jected him, and walked swiftly to
ward the dry goods store which had
been so fortunate as to secure his
All the afternoon. Adelbert stood
moodily behind the ribbon counter
thinking of how he could revenge
himself on the naughty girl who had
wrecked his happiness. At precise.
ly four and a half o'clock a fierce joy
lighted up his countenance, Nand
putting on his hat he left the Store.
* * *
As the bells of SLAgries' church
were strikibg nine, a young man
sprang Ughtly up the steps_ o - f
-a rn-ag
nifiCent residence, and:was . soon seat
ed-in the sumptuously furnished Par
lor: The proprietor of the house, a
benevolent-looking old - . gentleman,
entered the room. 'Do you wish to
see me?' ; he said to Adetheft Tomp
kins—for it was he who had sprung
lightly up the steps.
he replied,'you are the per
son I seek.' - . •
'What would you?' said ,the 7, old
gentleman. * -
'You are the cashier in- the
bank, .1, b e li e v e ?' said • t . he' youpg
man... - - '
anf.' •
3 ;oil have been stealing the con
cern's money. Do not seek to deceive
me. You are a cashier; 'tis enough.
Give me $20,000 or I will expose you
and ruin your life. Having heard me
twitter, you can choose your. own
course." _
For an instant the cashier did not
move, and then going to an elegant
escritoire which stood in the corner'
of the room, he wrote a check for
$50,000, certified it, and handed the
piece of paper, now a foitune, to the
have but one- favor to ask,' he
said, 'and that is that yoti will marry
my daughter. I wouldn't like to let
a sure thing as you go out of the
family. She has $lOO,OOO in her own
right, and when I am dead and the
bank directors are in jail on account
of my bookkeepini; it will suffice to
: keep you in comfort.'
Two months later Myrtle Mahaffy,
the cashier's only child, became Adel
bert's bony bride. One child, a blue
eyed boy with golden hair, has bless.
ed the union, and as he sits on his
grandtather's knee in front of the
fire, and asks in hikinimeent, child
ish way if 'papa gill, a smart man,'
the old gentleman -kisses him fondly
and says in soft, low tones :
'You're singing on_ the right key,
now,sonny.' . --Chicago Tribune.
Even man has in, his -own life follies
enough ; in his-own mind tumble enough;
in his fortunes enough, without being en
lione;after the affairs of others,
Examples of Southwestern
While waiting for a jury Judge
Cary, of Arkansas, after listening to
some dog stories said :
'These are curious yarns, gentle
men, but I believe them all. 1 had a
dog, once, back in Nebraska, that I
kept to herd lumber. •
'Beg pardon, judge; but did you
say the dog herded lumber?'
'Yes, sir, cottonwood boards. We
always kept a dog there to , bring the
lumber in at night.' Everybody now
paid the closest attention, as they
knew.that the boss was at work., 'lt
was• his way. Cottonwood boards
warp like thunder in the sun. A
board would begin to hump its back
up about nine in the morning, and in
half an hour it' would turn over. By
eleven it would warp the other way
with the heat, and make another flop.
Each time it turned it moved a couple
of feet, always following the sun to
ward the west. The first summer I
lived in Brownville, over ten thousand
feet of lumber skipped out to the
hills the day before I had advertised
a house raisin'. I went to the county
seat to attend a lawsuit, and when 1
got back there wasn't a stick of lim
ber left. It had strayed away into
the uplands. An ordinary board
would _ciimb a two-mile hill during a
hot Inek, and when it struck the
timber it would keep wormin' in and
out among the trees like a garter
snake. Every farmer in the State
had to keep shepherd dogs to 0119 w
his lumber around the r .country, keep
it together, and show where it was
in the morning. We didn't need any
flumes there for lumber. We sawed
it east of the place where we wanted
to use it, and let it warp itself to its
destination ; with men and dogs - to
head it off at the right time, we never
lost a stick.' -'
Hunk's grocery, says the New Oz
leans Times, is situated on the edge
of a prairie iu southern Texas and
on Sunday qqlte a crowd used to
meet Vlore. ne Sunday Lem Will
iams himself was seated in front of
the store, when Bill Parker remitted :
How's crop up youc way, Lem ?' -
'Well,' he replied, 'corn's sorter
gin to tasselin g but the'sand is pow
erful poor.'
'That seems to be the general com
plaint,' remarked Bill.
- 'Yes, this country ain't good for
raisin' corn,' said Lem, as he took a
fresh chew ; 'but if you want to see
corn what is corn you just orter, go
to Fort Bend. W hen I was farming
on the Brazos in - that country, my
corn grey so gall and thick that I
had to hang amps on the mule's ears
to see how to plough a furrow. It
was corn and no mistake; and in the
fall th - e stocks were so high . that I
had to knock the ears with a. sassa
fras pole. Darn my skin, the ears
were so big that it took a strong man
to carry more'n three of 'em at a time.'
'Speakin' about strong -men;' re •
marked Bill Parker, 'sorter causes
me to remember an old steamboat
captain who used to run onithe Ya
zoo river in '5B. One day he stopped
at a landing for some wood, and the
niggers were kinder slow about
bringia'.it aboard. • Old Judkins, the
captain, cussed everythin' in reach.
Says he, - walkin' up to the woodpile
whar the niggers were at work: "Pile
on yer timber and'-let me show yer
bow to carry wood," an' he stretched
out his arms. Well, sir, the niggers ,
piled on the wood and kept pilin' un-
til Judkins had a cord and a half of
wood on his shoulders, and - he turned
and carried it on the boat just as ,
easy as if, it was a bokay. He was
what I'd 'call a purty tolerable stout
'That reminds me of a man I used
to know in Bedford county, Ala
bamy; said a stranger named Tipper,
who had been in the neighborhood
but a . short time. All eyes were_
turned toward the speaker, and they
began to size him. 'I guess old Pete
Jennings,' continued the stranger,
'was shoat the hef Jest man in these
United States, if I .ain't mistaken.
You see, one day he was haulin' some
fence posts in an ox. wagon, when the
wheels began to creek like as if they
needed greaSin'. He' looked' under
the wagon for his tar bucket and
found tt - warn't thar, and what do
you spose he did ?'
•I don't know,' growled Bill Park
er and Lew Williams in chorus.
'Well, I'll just tell you what he
did. Ile- propped up the axletree,
tuk the wheel off, an' steppin' out in
the woods he picked bp a pine knot,
held it over -Ale axle and squeezed
the tar outen- It., Old Pete Jennings
-had a grip what beat a vise, you bet.'
Effectual Temperance Lecture
A youug man called,in company
with several othergentlemen, upon a
young lady. Her father was also
present to assist in • entertaining the
callers. He did not share his daugh
ter's scruples against the use of spir
ituous drinks for he had wine to
offer. The wine was poured out, and
wOuld have been drunk, but the young
I'vly asked :
I Did you call upon me, or upon
Gallantry, if nothing else, compell
ed them to answer :
'We called upon . you.'
'Then you -will please not drink
wine; I have lemonade • for my
The . father urged the guests to
drink, and they were undecided.. The
young lady added :
'Remember, if you call upon me
you • drink lemonade.; but i f upon
papa, why, then, in that case, I have
nothing to say.'
lc The wine glasses were set down
with their contents . untasted. After
leaving the house one of the party
exclaimed •
'That is the most effectual temper
nnee lecture I have ever heard.''
The young man from whom_these
facts were obtained.broke off at once
from the use of strong drink, and is
now a clergyman preaching temper
ance and religion. He still holds in
grateful remembrance the lady who
gracefully and resolutely gave. him
to understaud that her callers should
not drink wine.
.They had a rettkot time in a little
town in the northern part of this
State last June as to who should be
chief marshal of the day at the 4th
of July celebration. The struggle
finally narrowed down to two men,
and when one was at length selected
the other was of course boiling over
with indignation. The lucky man
looked down with lofty, disdain upon
the defeated candidate, and he
wouldn't even , let the
march past his house.' But , time is
the great avenger. They had a rail
road accident up'there one day last
week, and the man who was defeated
was rushing through the town_ in a
certain,direction when he was halted
by the chief marshal, who asked :
" Anything happened ?"
"Anything happened ?" repeated
the other as he drew himsAf up.
" Well, I should say so I"
"What is it?"
"Sir ! do yotk remember how yon
scorned me last 4ti of July 1, Do
you remember how you trid to
shrivel me with a look as I stood on
Babcock's corner to see the proces•
sion ?" , _
"4 Well, I'd forgotten 1"
" But I never forget, sir `• You
were appointed chief marshal, and
you crowed over Tye, bat my time
has come I"
HOw—what is it?"
" What is it, sir? Why, sir, there
has been a gigantic railroad accident
down at the cross-roadssis cars off
-;---freight all scattered around--engi
neer scalded—conductor lying in a
fence corner and track all torn up."
" And where are you going?"
"I sir? Sir, I have been deputized
by a committee of our leading citi
zens to proceed to the house of the
Widow Dunn and say' to her that,
her re.l caw was the cause of the ter
rible disaster, and to call at the tele
graph Office on my way back and
send a despatch to 'Port Huron for
the wrecking train ! Stand aside,
sir! A 4th of July chief marshal is
mighty small potatoes in SePtem
ber!"—Detroit Free Press.
A curiously interesting letter was
published in the London Times a few
days ago from Mr. Henry Bessemer,
under the heading. 'A Billion Dis
sected. ' The writer tries to convey
to the ordinary mind some idea of
what a billion modest 1, fol
lowed by a dozen ciphers.' (This is
by the English notation—a million
millions,, or 1,000,000,000,600. In
this country we use the French sys
tem, which reckons on a thousand
millions, or 1,000,000,000 as &billion.
The English reckoning seems to be
the more strictly correct.) He does
this by means of illustrations drawn
from familiar objects of thought and
sight: The result is such as will sur
prise many. Attentionis thus called
to a billion as a measumatime, dis
tance or weight. When we speak,
for example, of a billion of seconds,
we perhaps suppose that since the
commencement of ' our era such a
number had long since been meas
ured out. .Arithmetic shows us, how
ever, that we have not passed one
sixteenth of that number-in all these
long eventful years—for it takes just
31,687 years, 17 days, 22 hours, and
5 seconds. A billion of sovereigns
would extend, when ranged side - by
side ip piles of twenty feet high, so
as tolorm two parallel walls,,a dis
tance of 23871_miles;. or if placed on
the ground so as to form one contin
uous, chain by each sovereign touch
ing the one.pext to-it., such it chain
would enegele 0,6 : -,Li r earth 763 times.
The •Weighi- 4 ofltt 'game sovereigns
would* 6,97047 tons. As to alti
tude, we are infortired that a billion
of sheets of the Times 'super-imposed
upon each other, and pressed into a
compact mass, would- reach to a
height of 47,348 miles.' Most read
ers who follow such statements as
these will be disposed to agree with
Mr. Bessemer that 'a billion,is a fear
ful thing, and that few can appreciate
its real value;' and that 'as for quad
rillions and trillions, they are , simply
wordsarholly incapable of impressing
themselves upon the human intellect.
And yet one cannot help suggesting,
what are even" these triffling comp-.
tions as to time compared with eter
nity ? We may well use such a word
with awe. -
THE Burlington Hawker e says d
Mr. Robert Ingersoll's recent article
" In treating those great problems o
life Mr. Ingersoll has a fascinating
and plausible way of stating things,
but they certainly are as unphiloso
phical)as they are untenable. Wa
ter always runs down hill,' says Mr.
Ingersoll. But it does not. Some
times it runs up hillrand. we call it
capillary attraction: : - We have a
mode of explaininOtl3l-thcfattrac
tion between , the - particles" of mobile
matter and the inert,. matter of the
tube in which the fluid rises. Mr.
.Ingersoll would expisin it by saying
that the fluid rises because it rises!
That is certainly childlike and sim
ple, but it is hardly in keeping with
the role of a philosopher who propos
es to dethrone a God—the God who
is the designer and creator: of the e.
universe. We not only find thatEMr.
Ingersoll is mistaken in asserting
'Water always runs down hill: . but
there is a wonderful process of na
ture that even exceeds capillary ac
tion. The life-bearing sap ascends
the tree and carries with" it nourish
ment that. sustains and enlarges the
plant. The tree has.a system:of wa
ter works that actually extends its
own water mains. This phenomenon,
we are told by Mr. . Ingersoll, hap
pens because it happens! If that is
not superstition that eclipses any
thing of the kind so vehemently de •
nounced by him, we do not know
what superstition is. Its gene Sis is
clearly traceable to the pagan belief
that the world is sgFeat plane rest
ing upon the NOS of four mighty
oxen, and the oxen rests upon a large
elephant.. What the elephant rests
upon the pagan belief failed to state.
Mr. Ingersoll goes one step further
and affirms that the elephant rests
upon himself."
How He Go 'Even.
A Billion Dissected
$l.OO air Annum In Advance.
Some Electioneering Tricks
When the Berwick freemen resi
dent in London_were going by spa to
vote, the masters who commanded
the ships 'in which they embarked
haVe been 'known to take such elec
tors to Norway, on account of Such
skippers being bribed to do so. The
freemen of Ipswich appear also in
the same way to have been taken_ to
Holland. As the daughters of free
men at Bristol conferred the right of
voting on tbeir husbands, a trick de.:
vised at one closely contested elec
tion in that city was for the same
woman to marry several , men. When
the ceremony , was completed, and
thd temporary husband had duly re
corded his vote, the two shook hands
over a grave in the church-yard, and
said : 'Nbw death,us do part,' which
waa considered a ',divorce, atter which
the woman prOceeded to qualify an
other husband at another church.
At one place bribes were given by a
mysterious individual known as the
*Man in the Moon,' who approached
at dusk in the evening, and was at
once met with the question, 'What
news from the moon ?' lay you
5 guineas,' said a celebrated canvas
ser in Fox a contest of 1784, Wand
stake the money in your own hands,
that you will not vote for Mr. Fox.'
'Done !' says thO free and independ
ent, and wins - his bet and bribe.
Another plan was to buy the voter's
canary at a price - which would have
been fat too much fora bird of para
dise. When 'Sheridan contested
Westminster his opponeht brought
up his unpaid creditors to bully him
on the hustings. 'They censured him
for having bought peas at two guineas
and a half per quart (to make sure
of 'a voter), while he was neglecting ,
their just claimh against
.him and
they hooted him accordingly.
She Took. No Risks.
" liay . ye any good piannies ?" she
asked as she stepped into a piano
ware-room on East Fourteenth street
the other day, displaying a proliper
ous looking pocketbook. "I want
wan fur me .datter, who is comin'
home from the serrietery wid a finish
ed eddication."
" What style of instrument do you
prefer ?" said the clerk, displaying
an upright. • "This piano is double-
patent-quadruple-string- gollen -ham
mer-rubber - rim =cracked -lounding
boartilever-stay-in-tune an ' celluloid
" Och ! never a'happoth do I care
about the sheoile4 so long as it's , a
strong case. Haye ye any wid iron,
cases?" "
- "'No, ma'am; but all our cases'are
made extra strong."
How much will ye take for that
pianne ?"
:" Four hundred dollars, ma'am."
lA` Do ye sell on the slow-pay plan ?"
"Yes, occasionally we „pelt to reli
able purchasers on the instaltm'ent
plan. The installment on - this piano,
would be fifteen dollars a month."
" Will ye throw in a cover and a
shtule ?"
" Hardly fair to ask it, ma'am
but we will throw in those articles
this time."
" And a buk o' music ?"
" Yes, we won't be mean about it."
"Now, if ye'll insure the pianne,
I'll take it."-
" Well,'rea4y, ma'am, the purchas
er usually insures the instrument,
but to close the bargain, we'll insnre
the piano afid agree to take all risks."
"Ye see, betwane me and you,"
said ghg after she had made her
mark of) the necessary papers -and.
deposited the first installment receipt
in her bosom, " I am glad to feel airy
about thelinsurance, as•l want to get
the bettei . av ould man, who took
an oath thatif I brought a pianne
into the house, he'd smash it
. up wid
an axe. An' faith he's the bi to do
it the nixt toime he gets'dhrunli!":
From the Cincinnati Musical People
gon paper says : Several of our citi
zens returned last week from the
Great Sunken lake, situated in the
Cascade mountains, about seventy
five miles northeast from Jackson
ville.--This lake rivals the famous
valley of- Sinbad the Sailor. It is
to average 2,000 feet down
to water all around. The depth of
the water is unknown, and its surface
is smooth and unruffled, as it is far
below the surface of the mountains
that air currents do not affect it. Its
length is estimated at twelve or fif
teen miles and its width ten or twelve.
There is a mountain in the' centre
having trees upon it. It lies still,
silent and mysterious in the =bosom
of the everlasting hills, like a huge
well scooped out,.by the hands of the
giant genii of the mountains in the
unknown ages gone by, and around
the primeval forests watch and ward
are keeping. The visiting party fired
a rifle into the water several times at
an_ :tingle of forty-five degrees and
were able to note several seconds of
time, from the report of the gun until
the :ball struck the water. Such
seems incredible, but is vouched for
by our most reliable citizens.
.- The
lake is certainly a most remarkable
curiosity. ,
A Veritable " India-Rubber
-- Man."
. The strangest phenomenon wetave
seen for a long time is now on view
in Vienna. "Der Gummimensch,"
or the india-rubber man, is quite the
queerest fellow imaginable. He is a
pale, placid man, with red hair and
a -billions complexion ; he wears black
velvet knickerbockers, and is- very
polite. 'He can seize the skin of his
chest with both hands, purl it away
from his body about eighteen-inches,
and raise it to the level of his head ;
and yet when he leaves go, instead
of his skin hanging in horrid folds it
goes spreading itself again, so that
not a crease 'is to .be discovered.
The skin of ibis nose he can stretch
six inches, the skin of his ilniers_two
so that his hands look sizes
Nos. 20 or 30. He drags at the calf
of his leg and behold a goodly and
translucent, membrane, in. which can
be seen,thi ramified net-work of arte
ries, pin& and pulsating. This does
not hurt him. He can—botomough.
You see that he well deserves his ti
tle of " Gummimensch." What with
his cadaverous face and glue y elasti
city he reminds one of Dore s ghast
ly portrayal of the - damned in the
grand illustrations of the "Inferno."
The medical faculty are highly exer
cised anent this man and they have
begged hini for the smallest . strip of
!skin just for a microscopical investi
gation,- There has not been such a
case for two centuries, and In those
days. of course the microscope was
rather primitive. " Gummimensch "
is • a Bavarian, thirty-two years of
age, married and has three normal
children. He charges two florins to
show himself. His skin feels like vel
vet, or perhaps rather like the breast
. f a picked fowl, but it is not a sweet
sensation to touch him.—Vienna
Correspondence London -Globe.
King Theetraw, of Burmah, the big
gest bully and brute in the world,
has at last found his matchin a wo
man who can assert the - rights of her
sex. The Queen was recently con
fined of her third child, which proved
a , daughter. . _ Now King Theebaw .
desires to have an heir to the throne,
and he resolved, therefore, like -Na
poleon, to provide-himself with an- 1-
other wife. Indeed. he - bettered Na
poleon, for he took two new wives,
one of them the granddaughter of
the Kitn-Pat Menghee and the other .
the daughter of a minor official. The
Queen soon heard of this, and, as
she was unable to- go to the King,
she sent him a peremptory order to
put away his new wives at once.
King Theebaw replied that he should
do nothing of th,-kind—that he-was
tired of her Majesty inasmuch as she ,
only presented him with' daughters,
and that .he was determined to free
himself of her control and -to be a
real King. Seven or eight days were
passed in angry messages, but at the
end of that time the Queen left her
apartments and went to thoserof the
King. Arrived there, she' seized the
monarch, carried him off to her own
rooms and locked him up with the
baby - . She then went off and attend
ed - -to affaini of state, her first act
being , to cast the two new wives into
prison and to have them heavily man
acl4—London Vanity Fair.
Fun, Fact and Facetiae.
" YOU are now one," said the minister
to the happy pair he had just joined to
gether in a knot • that they could never
undo. " Which one?" asked the bride.
"You will have to settle .that for sour.
selves," said the clergyman.
curcAao - girl writes home from Dub
lin : " The moment I set foot' on Irish
soil I could observe that I attracted at
tention." From what is said of Chicago
feet, it is to be presumed they would at
tract - attention if set upon any soil.
A FRIEND, writing from San Leandro,"
California, tells the following : A cute lit
tle five-year-old, whose parents were con
nected with the Presbyterian Church.
said : "Mamma, was Chrilt a Jew?"
"Yes, dear," replied the mother. "Well,
that is strange, now, isn't : it, mamma,
when his father, God, was a Presbyteri
an ?"
A TRAIN parted in the middle, and the
signal rope snapped oft like a thread, the
end of it striking an old lady on the bon
net. " " What is the matter?" "Oh, the
train is broke in two;" replied a gentle
man who sat in the next seat. "I should
say so," the old lady said, looking at the
broken cord. " Did they s'pose a little
bit of string like that would hold the cars
together ?'
"I DECLARE, if there isn't the deacon's
daughter out with a brand new shawl.
Well, I never." "Hush !"
.said a better
informed female ; " 'dm% hers. It's one '
she borrowed from the company - that's
visiting over t' the deacon's. " Well,
there's. one thing I know. She can't de
pend on borrowing to look well in heaven.
She'll have to Wear- her own angel' plum
age when she gets there." And they
bowed-their heads us the minister opened
the services.
JOE ECKLES tells the following on the
postmaster•at Logansville, Georgia :
letter was addressed to a man who once
lived in that place, and marked on the
envelope, " Please forward." After sev
eral weeks' stay in the office at that place
it was sent to the dead letter - office with
the following notation : "Can't forward;
the durn kuss is dead and down trams all
A PCZZLE -solved : Two Irishmen were
poring over the news in one of our city
papers, -and coming to the heading,
est," and immediately following it "Very
Latest," one- S - aid to the other : "An'
sure, Tim, will ye be afther explainin'
what this ineau, ?" "Arrah, bedad,"
-said Tim, "an' it is meself that- can ex
plain that to ye. ,Sure the latest is what
comes in time to be printed, and the very .
latest is what comes afther the paper is
out." -
"Pnnrry nice thing in yolur paper this
morning," said Fogg, to the editor of the
Matutinal Marauder- "Yes," said the
editor inquiringly, his face lighting up
with a glow of pleasure. "I suppose you
refer to my leader on the situation?"
Fogg shook his head. "Or perhaps it -
was that neat paragraph ab out the Bung
town Railroad ?" "No," r i , aid,Fogg, -" it
was a. pound of beefsteak that I - took
home for breakfasts NiCest thing I ever
saw in the Marauder, 'pon'tionor.. -
A DISPATCII from Washington states
that one of the clerks in the Sixth Audi
tor's office "is seriously ill from over
woric." This is the first - appearance of
this dreadful malady at the National Cap
ital. :Let us hope for the best.—Chicago
"LA FAVORITA "is the , name Of pet
cat belonging to a maiden lad_y residing
on the Heights of Brooklyn. It goes out
on the roof at' night and sings Spirto
Thoughtful Thoughts.
WOULD you gain the confidence of bus
indence men, do not try to-support the
style of your employer.
, OwE no man -mire than you are able to
pay, and permit no man to owe you more
than you are able to lose.._
PEOPLE glorify all sorts of bravery ex
cept the bravery they might, show on be
half of-their nearest neighbor.
NEVER try to reason . the prejudice .out
of a man. It wasn't reasoned into him,
and it cannot be reasoned out of him.
WITH many estates-it happens as with
cages ;_the birds without despair to...get
in, and those within despair of getting
out._ -
Ntiim are more to be pitied than those
who have the means of gratifying their
desires - before they have learned to goy-,
ire them.
-IT is not necessary to *threaten a bad
man for his own deeds threaten with - a
worse punislinitnt than you can inflict.
IF people only said and did what it was
absolutely- necessary to my and do, this
would be a woild of silence and leisure.
TFfERE is no. better ruler than judg
ment ; no safer guardian thin justice ; no
stronger sword than right no surer ally
than truth;
LET us not. forget that we. am now in
life's great training school. The acts of
the present will have an effect upon tue
future of your life.
THE man or woman whom excemaive
caution holds back from striking the an
vil with earnest endeavor, is poor and
c)wardly of purpose.
Tn mere lapse of years is not life.
Knowledge, truth, love, beauty, goodmis,
faith, alone can give vitality to the me
chanism of existence. .
THERE can not be $. surer proof of low
origin, or of an innate meanness of dispo
sition, than to be always talking . and
thinking of being genteel. '
Tnc Babylon (L. I.)" South Bide &ghat
quotes from a Missouri paper : Mr. Wm.
F. Quinlan; Crystal City, Mo., "suffered
occasionally from rheumatic pains in his
knees, far which ti w insctiegully tried St.
Jacobs Oil.