Bradford reporter. (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, October 18, 1866, Image 1

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    I"""**"" IV „MS OF POBLICATIO*.
PtfOBTM is published every Thursday Mor
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I r ' r " ' v- i ISEMENTS exceeding fifteen lines are
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g notices inserted before Marriages and
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1 ' l . s, rtiou All resolutions of Associations;
1 1 , -ations of limited or individual interest,
I ' ! : 1 :!;""os of Marriages and Deaths exceeding five
I .' tre charged TEN CENTS per line.
1 Year. 6 1110. 3 mo.
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Caution; Lost and Found, and oth
-1 -ivertisements. not exceeding 15lines,
wpoks or less, *>l 0
I,; n?n'istrator's and Executor s Notices.. .2 00
I five lines, (per year) 500
, iuts and others, advertising their business
charged S2O. They will be entitled to 4
■outined exclusively to their business, with
, v of change.
' ,- vdvc.rtismg in all cases exclusive of sub
,. ction to the paper.
pgIN'TING of every kind in Plain and Fa
n, done with neatness and dispatch. Hand-
Bianks. Cards, Pamphlets, Ac., of every va
ud style, printed ut the shortest notice. The
rtl . OFUCE has just been re-fitted with Power
i • s. and every thing in the Printing line can
• tuted in the most artistic manner and at the
S ,me arc laughing, some are weeping
She is sleeping, only sleeping ;
Bound her rest wild flowers are creeping ;
There the wind is heaping, heaping,
s-,v • test sweets of summer's keeping,
l!v the cornfields ripe for reaping.
There are lilies, and there are blushes
The .i- . p'rose, and there the thrashes
Sing till latest sunlight Hushes
hi the West; a fresh wind brushes
Through the leaves while evening hushes.
There by day the lark is singing,
j And the grass and weeds are springing ;
There by night the bat is winging ;
There forever w hnls are bringing
Far oli' chimes of church bells ringing.
| Night and morning, noon and even,
Their sound fills her dreams with Heaven :
The long strife at length is striven ;
Till her grave bands shall be riven.
Such is the good portion given
To her soul at rest and shriven.
Not long ago a party of six gentlemen
were assembled at a private table in one
of the pleasantest hotels in Manchester.—
Of this number 1 happened to be one, and
the guest of the giver of the dinner. A
pleasanter and more social gathering I
never witnessed, and although we sat down
t • the table at a little after six o'clock it
was near midnight before we rose from it.
W hen the cloth was removed and the
wines were set on the real eujoyment of
the evening began. Toasts, speeches, and
- rit s followed each other in quick 6uc
>.' .n, and with a brilliancy that I have
rarely seen equaled.
Aiming those present was General L
rveteran, who had seen service in India
nil his face was as bronzed as his hair
'.w.< I leached white by the suns of that
wiling sky. I was especially charmed
with him. He was a frank, outspoken,
g ial man, and at once gained both your
; -;> et and friendship.
1: was late in the evening, when some of
iiiipany cailed on him for a story.
A story ?" he said, with a smile. " I
nn nst a poor hand, gentlemen, at story-
Surely, General," remarked our host,
live seen too much active service in
L i-t not to have passed through some
.linkable adventure."
Oil. if that is what you want, I can
g you. 1 have had some strange ad
tm > in my life," said the General,
.. th;ily. " Let me see. What shall
Abe': >ippose I tell you ol my adven
ture wiri, a Thug?"
;> ail means !" we exclaimed.
A <ll, then." began General L ,
" -mr.g back in his chair, " you must know
i i went out to India in the service of
Company' nearly forty years ago. I
'•/ ll3 mere lad at th ,t time, being barely
-linen. 1 left England with a determi
ne u to make something of myself in the
■and to which I was going, and when I
■" '•••d my destination 1 began immediate
•y t apply myself to the duties of my pro-
SSI m. 1 labored hard and soon made
i r 'gr< 1 studied closely the manners,
stoma, and language of the natives, and
•pared no eflort to make myself as thorough
33 Indian as possible. I wanted to fit my
■ 1 for any station in the Company's ser
'• f r 1 meant to rise, and I knew that
'• I had no political influence to sustain
-i*, I would have to depend on my own
'frits for promotion. It was slow work
at first, but I persevered ; and when I was
rty-three, just fifteen years ago, I was a
nii'l of cavalry, and I flatter myself that
' was the best informed officer in the ser
with regard to the country in which 1
*'as serving. I do not say this through
Vl o'y, but simply to let you understand
tier what follows.
About that time the authorities at Cal
•fa were making strong efforts to sup
!' r "ss the sect of Thugs, who, you well
i! - w, are a band of fanatics who make
•'u n der a part of their religion. They rare
}' molest a European, on account of the
='• at danger in which it would have placed
em, but they carried on a regular system
1 operations against the natives, and es
pecially against those who were friendly to
■is. Certain sections ol the country were
apt in a state ol the most complete terror
■ y them, and their atrocities had increased
so great an extent that the authorities
uglit it necessary to at once inaugurate
most prompt and dscisivc measures for
their suppression.
In the district of Benares the trouble
W l very great, and the Thugs managed
th'-ir allairs with so much dexterity that
a time they completely batlled the au
thorities. The command of this district
was now given to me, on account of my
knowledge of Indian affairs, and my long
' rience in the country. I did not need
ytter of the Governor-General to assure
■" Lat it was a delicate and difficult task
" cii was assigned me, and that I was ex-
I oct. ti to discharge it. I accepted the ap
: 'Fitment immediately. I was given a
','*>'eiit ol mounted men, picked for their
experience in the country, and at once
-out tor my new command, being deter -
'"Fed to use no half-way measures when I
got th ( re .
1 pon reaching the neighborhood of Be
■' s we halted and encamped near the
k ''j'PU-'s, about live miles froin the city. I
•a i tw.j reasons fur doing this. One was,
I *
E. O. GOODRICH, Publisher.
that 1 would be able by encamping there
to move on the instant whenever occasion
required it ; the other, that I would be freer
there from observation by the spies of the
Thugs than I would be in the city. I said
nothing, and permitted my men to say
nothing of the cause of our coming, but at
once set my spies to work. As I have said,
I resolved to attempt no half-way measures
with the assassins, but to proceed against
them with the utmost vigor, and to spare
none that offered any resistance to me. In
short, I was determined to capture or ex
terminate them. Such as I captured were
to be sent to Calcutta for trial, but it was
my intention that these should be very few
in number as I knew that stern measures
on my part would do more to strike terror
to the sect than a huudred civil trials aud
" Through the instrumentality of my spies
1 learned that my district was infested with
a band of Thugs, quite large in number,
and uuder the direction of a leader named
Runjheet. He was described to me as the
most active of all, and as one of the most
dangerous men the country had ever known.
I set to work at once. I scoured my dis
trict right and left, by day aud night, and
with good effect, too.
" By the time I had been there six weeks
I had sent ten prisoners to Calcutta with
their families, had hung twenty caught iu
the act of strangling their victims, and had
destroyed one of their towns aud a temple.
With my own hand I broke the image of
their goddess Kali into a thousand pieces,
knowing that this would be a severe blow
to them. This act, together with the rest
of my career there, came near being fatal
to me. The Thugs began to consider me
the cause as well as the means of their mis
fortunes, and at length made me the object
of their special vengeance.
" When I had been in camp for about two
months, my orderly informed me that there
was a native waiting at the door of my
tent to see me. I had him shown in at
once. He was a small, spare man, of
about thirty, and my first glance told me
that he was possessed of more than ordi
nary strength. There was something un
usually quiet and stealthy about him, and
at first I loosened my pistol and regarded
him with a suspicious glance. He did not
seem to notice this, but saluted me humbly
aud respectfully. Iu reply to my demand
to know his business, he stated that he
wished to enter my service as a spy. He
was well acquainted with the country, and
was sure that he could make himself use
ful. He gave as his reason that his father
and brother had recently been murdered by
the Thugs and that he desired to avenge
them. I looked at the fellow searchiugly,
but could gain nothing from his counten
ance, which was fixed and devoid of ex
pression, save a strange aud perplexing
glitter iu his eyes. He told me his name
was Ali, and that he was a Mohammedan.
I said to him that if he would come back
at the same hour the next day I would give
him my answer.
" After he left me I thought long and se
riously of his request. I did not like his
looks, but I thought he might be of ser
vice to me. I felt confident that, if faith
ful, he would make an excellent spy ; and
I thought myself competent to the task of
watching him so closely that he would
have no opportunity to play inc false. So,
after weighing the matter well in my own
mind, 1 determined to engage him, but not
to trust him until he should have been ful
ly tried.
" When I gave him my answer the next
day I saw his eyes flash aud a smile play
around his mouth. In an instant his face
resumed its stolid expression. I was start
led by this, and was more than ever re
solved to watch the man closely. I gave
him simple and easy tasks at first. He per
formed them with so much skill and celeri
ty that I began to place more confidence in
him, and gave him more difficult and im
portant duties to perform. Thus ten days
passed away. At the end of that time I
went out one day at the head of a small
party to follow up a scent which Ali had
discovered. Toward mid-day I chanced to
be alone, having sent the men away on va
rious errands. The heat was intense, and
I dismounted from my horse and stood for
a short while under a large tree to enjoy
the shade which looked so tempting to me.
I had been there scarcely ten minutes when
a rustling in the leaves above me caused
me to look up. I saw a dark figure leap
toward me from the tree, and from the
handkerchief, which he held ready in his
hand, I knew he was a Thug and bent up
on my assassination. He was so sudden
and unexpected in his movements that he
might have succeeded but for a timely in
terposition. He bad hardly sprung from
the tree when I heard the sharp report of a
rifle, and the next instant the Thug fell
crashing at my feet. I looked around in
astonishment to discover whence came this
timely aid, and saw Ali running toward
rne at full speed,with his discharged rifle in
his band. He asked me anxiously as he
came up if 1 were safe, and seemed grati
fied when 1 assured him that I was unhurt.
He listened camly to my expression of
thanks, and said he was glad to be able to
show me that my suspicions of his fiedlity
were unjust.
" I could uot help blushing with mortifi
catiou as he spoke, and I felt heartily
ashamed of having suspected him at all. I
told liim that he should have no occasion
to feel hurt at my conduct again, as he had
that day given me the best proof of his
loyalty that I could desire. I could uot
see his face as I spoke, for his eyes were
bent on the ground, and his head lowered.
"A week passed away after this and the
success which had attended our efforts sud
denly deserted us. I could not account for ]
it. My movements were as secret and en
ergetic as formerly, and I felt sure that;
we had not yet damaged the Thugs to a
sufficient extent to warrant our departure,
but each day recorded new failures for us.
Somehow I could not help connecting Ali
with our want of success, though for the
life of ine I could not tell why I should do
so, and I did my best to banish the suspic
ion as both ungenerous and unjust.
"Toward the close of the week 1 sent
out a party with a better prospect of sue-1
cess than had been vouchsafed to us during
the past seven days. That night, leeling
somewhat worn down by rny constant, ex
ertions, 1 retired early without undressing. j
"I could not have been sleeping very
! soundly, for I was awakened by a slight
I rustling in rny tent. I endeavored to spring
up,but in an instant I was seized by a pow
erful hand, and a handkerchief, which is
the instrument used by the Thugs in their
work, was twisted around my neck. I man
aged to thrust my left hand between the
fold of the handkerchief and my throat, and
thus prevented the scoundrel from strang
ling me at once. By a powerful effort I
succeeded in gaining my feet, but the fel
low hung on to me with almost superhu
man strength. I was counted then one of
the most powerful men in the army, and I
was much larger and heavier than my an
tagonist, but it was just as much as I could
do to keep him from mastering me. By the
dim light of the moon which struggled in
through the opening of the tent I recognized
in my adversary rny native spy Ali. Like
lightning it flashed across my mind that
the whole affair was a plot. All had been
sent to win my confidence and throw me oil*
my guard. The shooting of the Thug a
week back had been simply a part of the
plot. 1 knew that I had a powerful and des
perate man to deal with, and 1 nerved my
self to the task before me.
"The fellow's grip on the handkerchief
was like that of a vice, and it seemed that
lie would crush my left hand. The strain
on my throat was terrible, and I felt that
unless it was released very speedily I would
be at his mercy.
"A novel and desperate plan presented
itself to rne in this emergency,and lat once
proceeded to put it into execution.
"Bracing myself for a mighty effort, I
sank back slowly, as if being gradually
overcome,and Ali with a triumphant glance
tightened his grip on rny throat, and bent
over me until his flashing eyes were just
above uiy face. With a sudden bound 1
sprang forward, recovering myself and
throwing Ali backward. At the same in
stant I spit, with true aim, a mouthful of
tobacco-juice straight into his eyes Thor
oughly astounded aud thrown off his guard
he relinquished his hold on the handkerchief
and with a yell of pain clapped his hands
to his eyes. This was just what I had ex
pected,and iu another instant I put him out
of the way of doing more harm by sending
a pistol-bullet through his head.
"The uext morning the expedition I had
sent out returned, bringing two prisoners
with them. From these 1 learned that my
would-be assassins was no other than the
notorious chief of the Thugs, Ruujheet, who '
had sworn to take my life in revenge for
the damage I had inflicted upon his sect.
" In a month more I returned to Calcut- !
ta, having thoroughly accomplished the :
work assigned me."
CASTING OCT DEVILS. —We have a friend,
a Methodist preacher, and a jolly fellow he j
is. He has a large muscular frame, with
corpulence to correspond ; lias a huge hand,
with a powerful grip—save us from giving
him serious offence il he were a common i
sinner !—has inexhaustible vitality, and
would not be over-delicate in perpetrating j
a joke, even if it should be a little rough
aud has withal a homeliness which his com
plexion does not greatly relieve. This i
friend of ours is an earnest worker, and I
has a well earned reputation as a revival
ist. Some years ago he was holding :
! meeting at which quite an interest wi ,
awakened. A number of persons had come !
to the mourner's seat, and some had been
converted. One evening u group, co mist
ing of two or three young men and as many
young ladies, were present, whose object ;
in coming was to have merriment. Our j
friend the minister having noticed their ma- j
uoiuvres for a while, and thinking it was !
time they were checked, found his way to
them, and addressing himself to the young
men, kindly requested them to observe the
decorum befitting the place. One of them,
whose ideas of politeness were hardly up |
to the mark, ventured iu a rather ungra
cious manner to reply that they " had un
derstood that miracles were worked there,
and they had come to see some performed."
Upon this our robust friend, the minister,
coolly took the young man by the coat col
lar, deliberately led him down the aisle,
aud, opening the door, without further cer
emony landed him outside, quietly remark
ing, "We do not work miracles here, but
we cast out devils !"
THE PRESENT. —In order to enjoy the pre
sent, it is necessary to be intent on the
present. To be doing one thing, and think
of another is a very unsatisfactory mode
of spending life Some people are always \
wishing themselves somewhere but where |
they are, or thinking of something else ]
than what they are doing, or of somebody
else than to whom they are speaking. This !
is the way to enjoy nothing, to do nothing !
well, and to please nobody. It is belter t" 1
be interested with inferior persons and in
ferior things than to be indifferent to the j
best. A principal cause of this indiffer
ence is the adoption of other people's tastes
instead of the cultivation of our own—the
pursuit after that for which we are not fit
ted, and to which consequently, we are not
iu reality inclined. This folly pervades,
more or less, all classes, and arises from
the error of building our enjoyment on the
false foundation of the world's opinion, in
stead of being, with due regard to others,
each our own world.
wager was made at a wine shop which re- i
suited in death. At a breakfast, where j
the conversation turned on the quantity of I
drink which a person could take, a Brick
layer, named Florentine, made a bet that
lie would drink twelve glasses of wine
when the clock of the Tuileries was strik
ing twelve. He drank three glasses be
fore the clock had struck three times. At
j the next glass he stopped to breathe. At
' the seventh he began to drink more slovv
; iy but, making an effort he drank off the
i eighth glass, lie then turned very pale,
and breathed with difficulty. His friends
wished to stop the wager, but he said he
would go on, come what might, and swal
lowed the ninth glass. He had hardly emp
tied the glass when lie fell down senseless.
A surgeon was sent lor ; but in spite of all
| his efforts, the foolish man died iu three
AN old lady who recently visited Oneida,
New York, was asked on her return if the
canal passed through that village. She
j paused a while, and answered : " 1 guess
not; I didn't see it and if 1 did, it must
; have gone through in the night when 1
! was asleep."
(which is in the Stait of Kentucky,)
September 16, 1666.
I found my flock in a terrible state uv
; depresshun, at which, when I wuz told the
i cause, 1 didn't wonder at. There wuz, back
luv the corners on the side hill, over tow
j aids Garrettstown about three-quarters uv
j a mile this side uv Abbott's grocery, (we
i estimate distance here from one grocery
j to another,) live or six families of niggers.
The males of this sefth ment had ali bin in
| the Fedrai army ez soljers, and lied saved
! their pay and bounty and sicli, aud lied
, bought uv a disgustid Confedorit, who pro
| posed to find in Mexico that fredum which
; wuz denied him here, and who beiu deter
! mined to leave the country, didn't care who
; lie sold his plantashen to, so ez be got
j greeuhax, three hundred acres, which I hey
bed divided up and built cabins onto 'em,
j and wuz a cultivatin it. There wuz a store
j keeper at the Corners who come hero from
I!linoy,and who bed bin so greedy uv gain,
j and so graspiu ez to buy their prodoose uv
' em, and sell em sicli supplies ez they need
j ed. These accursed suns and dawters of
Hani wuz a liviu there in comfort. They
j came to the Corners dressed iu clothes
| without patches, and white shirts and hats
j on, and the females in dresses and hoops
under em ; in short, these apes hed assoom
cd so much uv the style uv the people that
cf it hadn't been for their black laces they
wood liev passed i<>r folks.
Our people became indignant, aud ez
soon ez I returned 1 wuz requested to call
a uuctin to consider the matter, which I ov
course did.
Tlu- horn wuztootid, and tiie entire Cor
m rs wuz assembled, eggceptin the Illiuoy
j storekeeper, who didn't attend to us mucli.
I stated briefly and eiokently, (I hev im
proved in public, spcakiii sen,--: 1 heered his
; Serene lligncss, Audroo, all tin- way from
I \\ ashuigliiii to Looisvilie.) and asked the
I brethren to rase their minds.
I Squire < >uvitt had observed the progress
, uv them niggers with the most profouiidest
| alarm. li-; hed noticed em cumin to the
| Corners dressed better nor his family dress*
' j-1, ami -c'ii-i tiie pr.dux of tlieir land to
! that wretch—
At tins point tiie illiuoy storekeeper
come in, and the Squire proceeded :
; —he shood say Mr. Pollock, and he hed
j made inquiries and found that one family
■ lied sold three hundred and seventy-five
dollars worth ov truck this season, uv
' which they hed laid out for clothes and
i hooks tu hundred dollars, Icevin ern one
i hundred and seventy-five dollars in cash,
| which was more money than he hed made
| sense the accursed Linkin passed thceman
j cipashun proclamation. And what did driv
I the iron into his soul wuz the fact that
Willi ov 'item niggers was his nigger. "Tire
I money iliey hev," pursood the Squire, "is
my inoin-y; that man, worth $1,."<00, is toy
man ; iiis wife is my woman ; her children
ruy children—"
That's a literal fact," shouted Joe Big
h-r, a drunken returned Confederate soj. r,
" tiiey have your nose eggsactly, and
they're the meanest yalier hrats|in the set
Tnis unhappy remark ended in a slight
unph'-isairtm as, wh'eu resulted in the
Squire's being can ted out miiius one ear,
and iiis nose smashed Joseph remarked
that in wanted to gel at liirn ever since he
wouldn't lend him aghall dollar two months
ago. lie wuz now satisfied, and hoped
this little episode wouldn't mar the harmo
ny uv the meetin.
Elder Smathers observed that iic had no
tist with pain that them niggers ailuz had
money, and wnz a'duz drest well, while we,
their s iop -i ior.-', hed no money and liothiu
to boa&t rr. in the way uv close, lie would
l'olloek, the Illiuoy storekeeper, put in.
Kf tiie elder would work ez tlrem niggers
wuz, ami not loaf over the half the
time at Bascom's grocery, he might possi
bly hev a full soot uv close, and now and
then a dollar of in money. It waz here ez
it was in all strikly Dimekratic coornmuni
ties, the grocery keepers absorb all the
tloatin capital, and—
lie was not allowed to proceed. Bascom
flung a chair at him, and four or five of his
coustitooents fell on him. He wuz carried
out lor dead. Baacum remarked tiiat he
wuz for the utmost freedom uv speech, but
in the discussion uv a grx-a coirstitooslrinal
question no Illiuoy ablishnist shood put in
Ids yawp. The patriotic remark wuz cheer
ed, bui when Bascom ask't lie whole meet
in out to drink, the applause was uproari-
ailuz gets applause—he knows
how to move an audience.
Deekin I'ograin sed he bore with them
niggers till his patience wuz gin out. He
eudoorcd it till list Sunday. After service
lie felt pensive, ruther, and walked out to
towards Garrettstown,meditatin as he went
on the sermou he had listened to that niorn
in on the necessity uv the spread of tiie
Gospil. Mouriu in spirit over tire condition
of the heathen, he didn't notis where he
wuz till he found hisself in the nigger set
tiement, and in front uv oue uv their hous
es. There he saw a site which paralizod
him. There wuz a nigger which wuz wunst
his nigger, which Linkin deprived him uv,
settiu under his porch, ami profauin the
Holy Bible by teachiu his child to read it!
; lviu this be eudoorcd? the Deekin asked.
Deekin Perkins sed he must bear his un
| worthy testimony agin these disturbers.—
I They bed, he knowd whereof he spoke, hir
|ed a female woman from Massachusetts to
| teach their children ! lie had bin in their
I skoolrooiu aim with his own eyes witnest
i '*•
Bascom, the grocery keeper, hed Liu
; shocked at their conduct, lie was couviuet
that a nigger was a beast. They come to
i the Corners to sell the produx of their lands
ido they spend tlieir money at his bar ? \a
'ry ! They spend sum uv it at the store uv
1 .. disorganize!" from Illiuoy, who is here in
i terferin with the bizness uv troo Southern
; men, but he hed never seed one uv em in
| side iiis door. He had no pashence with
| em, and believed siitbin should be done to
rid the community uv sich yooseless inhab
! itance. Ef they ever git votes tliey'r agin
j us. No man who dodges my bar ever votes
i straight Dirnocracy.
Giural Punt moved that this meetin do
towunst proceed to the settlement and
clean em out. They wuz a reproach to Ken
tucky. Of course, ez they were heathens
and savages, sich goods ez they hed wood
j fall to the righteous, uv whom we wuz
which, ane he insisted upon a fair divide.
All he wanted was a bureau and a set uv
chairs he had seen.
The motion was amcndid to inclood Pol
lock, the Illinoy storekeeper, and it wuz at
wunst acted upon.
Pollock wuz reconstructed first. Filled
with zeal for the right, his door wuz busted
in, and in a jiffy tiie goods which he wuz a
contaminatin our people with wuz distrib
uted among the people, each takin sich az
sooted em. Wuri sejested that ez they wuz
made by Yankees, and brought South by
Yankees, that there wuz contaminashen in
the touch of em, and that they be burned,
but lie wuz hooted down, our people seeing
a distinkshun. The contaminashen wuz in
paying for em—gittin em gratooitusly took
the cuss off.
Elated, the crowd started for the settle
ment. I never saw more zeal manifested.
A half an hour brought us there, and then
a scene ensood which filled me with joy 011
speekable. The niggers wuz routed and
their goods wuz bundled after em. The Bi
ble and skooi books wuz destroyed fust,coz
we had no use for em ; then cheers, tables,
and buros, clothin aud beddiu wuz distrib
ited. A wooman bad the impoodence to
beg for sutliin she fansed,when the riteshus
zeel uv my next door nabor, Pettus, biled
over, and he struck her. Her husband for
gettin bis color, struck Pettus, and the out
rage was completed. A nigger had razed
his hand against a white man.
The insulted Oaucashen blood riz, and iu
less than a minit the bodies uv six male
Ethiopians wuz a danglin in the air, aud
the bodies uv six Ethiopian wimiu wuz lay
in prostrate on the earth. The children
wuz spared, for they wuz still young, and
not hevin bin taught to read so far that
they could not forgit it ef kept carefully
from books, they km be brought up in the
proper speer, ez servauce to their brethren.
(By the way, the inspired writer must have
yoozed this word " brethren " in this con
nection figeratively. The nigger bein a
beast cannot be our brother.) Some may
censure us for too much zeal in this matter,
but what else cood we hev dun ? \Ye are
higli-torio'l, and can't stand everything.— niggers lied no right to irritate us
by their presence. They knowd our feel
! ins on the subjick, and by buyin land aud
remainin in the visinity they kindled the
flame which resulted ez it did. Ez they did
in Memphis and Noo Orleans they brought
their fate onto their own head.
Pollock recovered, and with the Yankee
schoohnarm who wuz a tcachin the nig
gers left for the North yesterday. It
speeks well for the forbearance of our peo-1
pie that they wuz permitted to depart at
(which is Postmaster,)
(& likewise late chaplin to the expedishun.)
We have heard of many cases of "pop
ping"' under singular circumstances —the I
eccentric, the abrupt, the business like, the !
silly, ami a hundred otla 1 st\les. Of the i
eccentric, we could cite,the case of a we'll- !
known merchant, who, one day dining at a
friend's house, sat next to a lady who pos
sessed rare charms of conversation. The :
merchant did not possess this faculty in a i
very rar<- degree, but could do that which ;
is. next best, ho could appreciate, an appre
ciation ahioh he endeavored to show by ;
the following mode of action :—Do you like t
toast, Miss B—?" "Yes," responded the la- j
dy,slightly surprised at the question. "But- j
teicl toast "That is strange, so do I. I us gt t married." There cannot be much ,
doubt but that the lady was taken slightly
aback, a fact that did not prevent the mar
riage I ta-Tii coming off in a month after
wards, nor the accession of the lady to one
of the finest establishments in the city.
As a specimen of the abrupt, we shall
cite t! ease of a gentleman who had re
tired from business at the age of forty, and
built him a beautiful house, determined to
enjoy life to the utmost. One day a friend
was dining with him, and said, halt joking
ly, "You have everything here that heart
could desire but a wife." "That's true. I
must think of it," said lie, and then relaps
ed into silence for a few minutes,at the end
of which time he rose, begged to be excus
ed for a short time, and left the room. He
seized his hat and went instantly to a neigh
bor's, and was shown into the parlor, with
the information that neither the master nor
the mistress was at home. He told the ser
vant that he wanted neither, and requested
that the housekeeper be sent to him. She
came, and the gentleman thus addressed
her : —"Sarah, I have known you for many I
years, and have just been told that 1 wan
ted a wife. You are the only woman 1 kuow
that 1 should be willing to trust my happi
ness with, and if you agree we will bo in
stantly married. What is your answer ?"
Sarah knew the man that addressed her,
and knew that his offer was serious, and as
veil weighed as though he had considered
for a year, and she answered him in the
same spirit, "1 agree." "Will you be ready
in an hour?" ''l will." "1 shall return for
you in that time," which he did, the gentle
man who suggested the idea accompanying
him to the clergyman's. Many years have
passed since then, and neither party has
seen any cause to regret the abrupt propo
posal and acceptance.
Of the business style, we can cite a case
related to us, which we kuow for a true
one. A young man who had succeeded to
the ill-kept and badly cultivated, though
really valuable farm of a deceased uncle,
saw at a glance that two things were abso
lutely necessary to enable him to succeed ;
the first being a wife to take charge of the
woman's department, and the second a few
thousand dollars to stock it with. He could
not help thinking to himself that possibly
these two great aids to his happiness and
i prosperity might be found together, and
S yet, without attempting to put his matri
j inonial and financial ideas into practice, he
I allowed them to haunt him continually.
With this upon his mind,our farmer star
| ted upou a horse-back journey to a di tant
part of the country, aud upon his return
! made an acquaintance upou the road,iu the
old gentleman who was jogging the same
way. The companions dined together at a
way side inn, and fraterni "1 pleasantly,
during which the young man opened his
heart to the young man opened his heart to
the elder, telling him all his plans and as
pirations, when the old gentleman addres
sed the younger :—"I rather like you, my
friend and your honest way of telliug your
tfi2 |>c?i* Annum, in Advance.
story, and if yon will conic and See me I
shall bo glad. I have three daughters, all
as good girls as ever lived. Now. perhaps
one maybe the very one you are looking
for ; if so, I will do my best toward mak
ing the balance of the matter agreeable.—
Hide over and see me to-morrow, take din
ner and stay in the afternoon, which will
give you a fair ebauce to see them and
judge." The young man instantly agreed
to the proposal, making only one condition,
that the yon rig ladies should not be inform
ed of the nature of his errand. This was
agreed to ai d they separated.
The next day at the appointed time, the
joung man dismounted at the door of the
house of his new friend, and was heartily
welcomed. The hour before dinner was
consumed in looking over the farm, the
youug man in admiring its keeping, the old
one in approving of the sensible and praoti
cal remarks of the younger, when the meal
was announced, and the three young ladies
and their mother were introduced. They
were all, as the old gentleman bad said,
Cue girls, but the youngest, rosy-cheeked,
blue eyed, and laughing-laced, charmed the
young farmer especially. The dinner over,
they once more walked out for a chat.
"Well, how do you like my daughters ?" J
was the old gentleman's first question.—
"they are.ull nice girls,very uice," said the
young man, t oughtfully. "And which of
them do you like the best?" was the ques-i
tion. "The youngest —Kate ! She is char
ming, do take the youngest,and by all odds
the prettiest ; and if 1 am to be your son
in-law, you must give me Kate." "This
will never do," said the old gentleman, se
riously. "I must have her or none," was
the response,spoken decidedly, "flow much
money did you say you wanted ?" "Five
thousand dollars will put my farm in excel
lent order, and make it worth twenty thou
sand dollars to morrow. I must have five
thousand dollars."
"11l give you the sum with either of the !
other girls," said the old man, positively ;
"but 1 wiil give you three thousand with
Kate." "Then I may as well go home.—
Five thousand I must have—l have set my
mind upon it." "And I have just as strong
ly determined to do only what I have said," j
was the old gentleman's reply : so I sup- 1
pose the matter is at end. However, we J
will be good friends, and you must some
times run over and see me." This ended
the conference,and they parted. The young
mail mounted his horse and rode down to
ward the road, but just as lie was about
opening th<- gate, stooping from his saddle,
the laughing-faced Kate sprang through
the shrubbery to save him the trouble.—
"Can't you accept my father's terms !"
"Yes, by George, I will, if you say so," was
the instantaueous response. "Tlieu come j
over to-morrow morning before ten o'clock I
and tell him so and the girl vanished !
like a fairy among the leaves. The young j
man rode slowly home, but lie was on hand ;
next morning, according to bidding, and j
married the lair Kate in two months after. !
As a specimen of the absurd, we cannot j
do better than cite a ease that occurred j
within our own jurisdiction, in a country i
village of Massachusetts. There was a cer
tain Xachariah Peebles, a stout,industrious, j
sober aud 1 ashful farm hand, a resident of
that locality. Zack was celebrated not for j
what lie diu say, but for what he did not, |
bis silence being a matter of marvel through j
all the chattering neighborhood, Zack, with
all his taciturnity, *waß not proof against i
shafts of love, and was smitten with the i
wholesome charms of the only child of the |
Widow Brown, a bright eyed, good looking j
girl possessing the same trait of silence as
Zack, though not in so eminent a degree, i
Tin* first time Zack showed his admiration
for S ;lly was l>y- seizing a large basket of
cow food she was about to carry into the 1
stables, and was hurrying thither in a
frightened way, much as though he was ta
king it from a burning bouse.
Alter that Zack seemed to be perpetual
ly on the watch to save poor Sally from
heavier work. These delicate attentions
could not fail to attract the notice of
the Widow Brown, who, really respecting
the young man, invited him into the house
to spend the evening, dividing his atten
tion equally between the fire, and feasting
bis eyes on Sally. For two years this qui
et adoration went on, and the neighbors
wondered why, as there was nothing to pre
vent it, they did nut marry. It never had
been known whether the idea arose out
Zaek's own brain, or whether it was a hiut
from a friend, but at last he did find cour
age to pop tiie question. It was done in
this way :
The time was New Year's eve, and the
fair Sally had been preparing a stout jug of
mulled civ' r, that she might have some
thing to cheer Zaek's heart when he came
in. Xuck came, he drank, took his accus
tomed seat in the chimney corner, where he
sat quietly as usual for a few minutes, and
then, without any previous symptoms, he
rose up to his full higlit, six feet aud two
inches, putting his head up the chimney so
that little of him was seen above the waist,
and delivered the following oration : "If
somebody loved somebody as well as some
body loves somebody,somebody would mar
ry somebody." Zack remained with his
head up the chimney after this speech, si
lent as death, for some minutes, until he
came forth at the earnest solicitation of
Widow Brown with a face glowing like the
setting sun. The thing was done, howev
er, and Zack and Sally were married in a
few weeks after, and we are convinced that
if either of them could be induced to talk
now, after a trial of a dozen years, they
would say that they were entirely satisfied
with that mode of popping the question.
Music is one of the fairest and most
glorious gifts of God, to which Satan is a
bitter enemy, for it removes from the heart
the weight of sorrow and the fasciuation
of evil thoughts. Music is a kin ! and gen
tle sort of discipline ; it refines the passion
and improves the understanding. Those
who love music are gentle and honest in
their tempers. I always loved music, and
would not for a great matter be without
this little skill which I possess iu the heav
ly art.
" Yoc a dentist, Bob ? 1 did not know
you were in that that trade." "Yes," said Bob,
•' I follow no other business but setting teeth—iu
beef, potatoes, bread, and sick like."
llow like is this picture ; you'd think that it
breathes ;
What life! what expression! what spirit!
It wants but a tongue. "Alas!" said the spouse,
•' That want is its principal merit."
An Englishman who was traveling oil
the Mississippi river,told some rather rough
stories about the London thieves. A Cin
cinnati chap named Chase, heard these nar
ratives with a silent but expressive humph!
and then remarked that he thought the
Western thieves beat the London opera
tors all hollow.
" Why so ?" inquired the Englishman,
with surprise, " Fray, have you lived much
iu the West?"
" Not a great deal. I undertook to set
up busiucss at Desmouies Kapids a while
ago, but the rascally people stole nearly
everything I had, and finally a Welch mi
ner ran off with my wife."
" Good God !" said the Englishman, "and
you never fuund her !"
" Never to this day. But that was not
the worst of it."
" Worst! Why, what could be worse
than stealing a mau's wife ?"
" Stealing his children, I should say,"
said the implacable Chase.
"Childreu ?"
" Yes, a nigger woman, who had not any
of her own, abducted my youngest daught
er, and sloped and jined the Ingens."
" Great Heavens ! did you not see her
do it ?"
" See her? Yes, and she hadn't ten rods
the start of me ; and she plunged into the
lake and swam like a duck—and there
wasn't a cauoe to follow with."
The englishman laid back iu his chair,and
called for another mug of 'all aud 'aff,while
Chase smoked his cigar and credulous
friend at the same time most remorsely.
" I—l shan't go any further west—l
think," at length observed the excited John
"I should not advise any oue to go,"said
Chase quietly. "My poor brother once liv
ed out there, but he had to leave, although
his business was the best in the country."
" What business was he in ?"
" Lumbering—had a saw mill."
" And they stole his lumber?"
" Yes, and bis saw-logs, too.
" Saw-logs ?"
"Yes. Whole dozens of fine black wal
nut logs were carried off in a single night.
True upon my honor, sir. He tried every
way to prevent it, hired men to watch the
logs, but it was all no use. They whipped
'em away as easy as if there had been no
one there. They'd steal 'em out of the riv
er, out of the coves, and even out of*the
mill ways."
" Good gracious J"
" Just to give you an idea how they can
steal out there," continued Chase sending
a sly wink at the listening company, "just
to give you an idea—did you ever work in
a saw mill ?"
" Never."
" Well, my brother one day bought an
all-fired black walnut log—four feet three
at the butt, and not a knot in if. He was
determined to keep that log, so he hired
two Scotchmen to watch it all night. Well
they took a small demijohn of whisky with
them, snaked the log up the side of the hill,
and then sat down on the log to play
keerds just to keep them awake, you see.
'Twas a monstrous big log—bark four inch
es thick. Well, as I was saying, they
' played keerds and drank whisky all night
; —and as it began to grow light they went
asleep astraddle of the log. About a min
ute after daylight my brother went out to
j see how they got on, and the log was
I gone !"
" And they sitting on it ?"
" Setting on the bark ! The thieves had
drove iron wedge into the butt end which
pointed dowu hill, and hitched a yoke of
oxen on and pulled it-riglit out, leaving the
shell and Scotchem setting astraddle of it
fast asleep."
The Englishman here arose, dropped his
cigar stump into the spittoon, and looked
at his watch, said he thought he would go
on deck, and see how far we'd be down the
river by morning.
A LAW JOKE.—A lawyer of fluid tenden
cies was discussing some nice point of law,
and getting out of patience at the inability
of the court to take his own view of it,
said the intellect of the court was so dark
a flash of lightning could not penetrate it.
The judge, being a new-comer, and not
knowing the peculiarities and failings of
the man, imposed a severe punishment on
him for contempt of court. Some of the
lawyer's friends stated the case to his hon
or, and the punishment was remitted on
the condition that he should publicly apol
ogize to the court. He was accordingly
brought up the following morning, and
made amends by saying,—
" I regret very much that I said, in the
heat of the moment, that the intellect of
the court was so dark lightning could not
penetrate it. I guess it could ; it is a very
penetrating thing."
Ax old batchelor says that every womau
is in tlic wrong until she cries—anil then she is iu
the right instantly.
A YAXKEE doctor has recently got up a
remedy for hard times. It consists of ten hours'
hard labor well worked in.
A DANDY iu Broadway, wishing to be wit
ty, accosted an old rag-man as follows: "You
take all sorts of trumpery in your cart, dont you
"Yes ; jump in, jump on."
A SCHOOLMISTRESS in Lenox, Mass., was
arrested and bound over for trial last week, for an
aggravated assault upon a child 31 years old, be
cause he did not spell ' fox.'
TITE author of an idle and imperfect book
ended with the usual phrase of cetera desiderantnr ;
one altered it, >i on desiderantur sed de.sunt —"The
rest is icuntdnj, but not icatUtd."
AN English judge stated that it had al
ways been his opinion that calling many witnesses
to prove one fact was like adding a large quantity
of water to a small quantity of brandy—it made if
IN the late campaign in Louisiana, a par
ty of Confederates marching through a swamp
were ordered to form two deep. A corporal imme
diately exclaimed, "I'm too deep already ; I am
up to the middle."
AN exchange says that in a public oflice
in a Western city the following notice may be
seen : '' Lod — A valuable new silk umbrella, be
longing to a gentleman with a curiously carved
ivory head!"
THE editor of a country exchange says :
" A correspondent writes that if we desire it he
will send us something to fill up with. That's just
what we want. Suppose that you commence now
with a good roasting piece of beef and a barrel of
i flour."
AN old woman was advised to try the ef
| feet of kindness on her husband. Being told that
| it would heap coals of fire on his head, she replied
| that she had tried "bilin' water," and it did not
!do a bit of good. She had but little faith iu the
efficacy of coals.
KEEI'INO HER WORD.—A young lady hav
ing promised her grandma that she would never
marry a certain fellow "on the face of the earth, 11
repaired with him, after the old lady's death, ta
the Mammoth Cave, in Kentucky, and was mar
ries underground.
" BI.ACK Stockings of all colors," wore
lately advertised in a country newspaper.
A TAX NO ONF. LlKES.— Attacks on one's
J purse.
FUT the strongest minded woman iu a
bouuet shop and it will instantly turn her head.
" IV'E buried my best friend," as the uu
i dertaker said when he interred the quack doctor.