O<E DOLLAR PER ANNUM INVARIABLY IN ADVANCE.
TOWANDA :
Thursday Rloruing, July 19, 1860.
jsclcdcb IJoetrn.
GRAY HAIRS.
BY L. n. SIGOCRNBY.
ilmy hair- ' I marvel why they strike
Such terror and dismay,
N , mark ut wickedness or shame
<>r foul disgrace are they.
silent as when infant dreams
Steal o'er the cradle-down,
They weave their sparkling silver threads
in with the Hack, or brown.
Viiav hairs!—the waningbeauty shrieks
lietore her mirror's face,
A 1 forth tli' unblessed invader dies
Uprooted from its place.
O'a. lady, stay that lily hand.
If one such guest should fall,
They s.iy a dozen more will come
To attend the funeral.
Gray hair- I saw the Queen of France
Arrayed in regal state,
Bc( t.ivc tire elite of the land,
The titled and the great.
And while her dignity aud grace
Weic praised l>y every tongue,
ry, white 1 ingtcts o'er her brow
lu Varies.-, clusters hung.
U v i> ' when sprinkled here ;<•! there
i: . iV.'.iJ and whiskers too,
ia-pirc ivsjKN-t and eunavlcnce
Mm- than the youthful hue ;
i vhdgc of mankind they tell,
I'. , Lance of .-irious thought,
A- I lore at the expensive school
Of sage experience taught.
Gray hairs ! —1 think thens beaut.ful
Around the ancient face ;
1• pure unsullied snows that lend
The Wintry landscape grace ;
W hen found in wisdom's way they crow*
With wealth's cxhau-tless store,
A prelude to that home of joy
Where age is known no more.
(finttaiioiKil Department.
Ts School Directors.
1 riends and fellow laborers in the cause cf
• .ucaiioa, permit me to have a few moments
: i talk with you about the subject iu which
UT are nil interested. Ton have seen fit to
t-rT- ; <-L of myself to take charge of the
<• affiLi s'Lools of this County again for three
| .;•<(} i tae, if God shall so loug give me
I iieivA.U. 1- v this renewed murk of esteem and
ft. . m-, 1 :ii only say that lam truly grate-
If'd, caathtcsA it does uftec atrial of one term
Fof service— i: :s pecv.'.iaidy gratify tag, ud pla
ices rue nadir renewed obligation to exert jny
to h'c more useful in your service. My
•■forts, however, will be vaiu without your aid,
.'itburs fruitless, for good, unless seconded
i' vjur good will and prompt "assistance } allow
. then, I repent, to address you frankly, and
- i all plainness. As we must work togctlt
it is nil important that we know and un
•stund each other's views, and plans, and
i gives. 1 hope therefore that you will at
; tiai' S freely and frankly communicate with
:ne. Our objects are, or should be, the cleva
huu of the schools of the county —their im
provement iu all respects, as to the houses,
yards, furniture, and the teachers, and in slioit
every thing that is required to make a good
school.
While I have generally had the co-opera
tion of directors and proprietors, there arc
some things which I respectfully, but most
earnestly request you to take into cossidtra
v.on, and see if it would not lie better for the
schools to have adopted. 1 might embrace ull
that is necessary to say, perhaps iu the simple
' : W.uii, live up to the spirit of the lw acd
tzed'./.-ions aud instructions of the State Su-
P- l .lent But I will be more explicit.—
ALV.. , ! ,Ie would be avoided by hiring the
tM'Jito iur your respective districts at a raeet
i;.?l f the board held for that purpose, at
I j meeting, the citizens of the neighbor
hood should be invited to be present. Teach
ers are frequently found in the schools, who
have never seen one of the directors, and iu
the directors do net know that such per
sons are teaching in the township,
j B the persons desirous of teaching, could
*'JQVF before hand at what time the instructors
a certain district are to be hired, it would
: 't leas trouble for tham to attend all at one
'• ue aud place, than it would for each teacher
jgo and look up a school for himself, and
bieu hunt up a director to employ him. Di
rectors would at least know who were teaching
L'-ir schools. L t all the teachers be employ
?* time, by the whole board, and
I • r a written contract, and at least no small
- are of the troubles in our schools would be
obviated.
Lie president of each school board, has to
lt - under oath, that all the teachers em
tuning the year, had a valid certificate
f Cou,lt y How can
- T,y Jo this unless he knows that fact
P'..- a. 1 knowledge? It' any body and
M . t h rc S the teachers, aud the direct-
I • c >* nothing about them, how can the
I nt kwear l '"d a 'l have certificates ?
I'i '' not l hen Directors know that those
qual vf em P lo 7 as teachers are thus legally
tic!, i", ' Ca ." - vour a ttcntiou-to the resolu
-nn i u a!most unanimously at the conven
tiie r- 'i °° ' tb *^ a 7- relative to grading
the ' " the grado of the certificate and
etS Cr l eQCO of the a PP'' ca nt, —taking into
And i i ca l u '' setbe 6 '- 0 of the schools.—
LvA a 1 ' 6 at . Ullectors the several dis
erarv C , any il out " persons, whose lit
it*/ ~ l r aro of so low a g rade that
k.;.q " ely obta 'ua certificate of any
. to receive the same amount of wa
n T lbose wh " are entitled to
; the first grade, -or if a young
i J ou experience, is to bare as much
THE BRADFORD REPORTER.
as one who has taught for years— I say, if
this is to be done, it is difficult to see what
encouragement there can be for young persons
to incur expenses, from year to year, to quali
fy themselves more fully for the discharge of
their duties. Most certainly our schools will
not make the advance under such circumstan
ces, that the friends of the system have a
right to expect. Many times entire strangers
are employed, and Directors do not see their
certificates, if they have any. How can they
then know which schools such individuals are
competeut to teach. All teachers cannot be
expected to be equal in literary ability,and the
schools do not require that they should be.—
iu some, a good grammarian is needed, while
in others grammar may not be required at all.
In one or more schools of the district there
may be pupils well advanced in arithmetic,
wbila in others the arithmeticians are but be
| giuners. Can Directors properly select teach*
• ers for these several schools without the least
knowledge of their attainments, other than
the fact that they have a certificate of some
kind.
One of the greatest hindrances to the pro
! gress of the schools is the multiplicity of text
j books. Iu some schools I have found three,
four and eveu live kinds of Geographies, as
. many kinds of Arithmetics and Grammars.—
In such cases teachers are obliged to have such
' a number of classes that it is impossible to do
well by the schools. Frequently there are
four classes in Geography, whereas but one
would be required if all had the same kiud of
books. It is not deemed advisable perhaps
to make a radical change of books at once,
but it is very desirable that Directors take
hold of tliis subject and do something to pre
vent any and every person who may come
along, from introducing new text books into
the schools. The law puts this whole matter
in the hands of the Directors,—just where it
shotlld be, ami requires them to act in the
premises, and if they would act prudently,and
i judiciously but promptly, much loss of time to
teachers and pupils, and expense to parents
might bo saved I have enumerated some
subjects to which I invite your special atten
tion. I hope and trust that you will under
stand this plain talk as coming from a fellow
i laborer, who has the good of the cause of ed
ucation in view, the improvement of the
schools, the mental, physical, and moral well
being of the children and youth of this coun
ty ut heart, —who has no desire to dictate or
attempt to control, or exercise authcr'y, but
rather to counsel with those with whom he is
to labor for the promotion of these objects.
C. R COULILX.
I.UTTER FROM ILLINOIS.
BEMENT, (Illinois) July 10, IsCO.
K. U. GOODRICH, Editor I have thought
that perhaps a word foai Illinois might be i f
some interest to your readers, especially to
my friends and acquaintances in Bradford coun
ty and vicinity, and the Republicans generally
throughout the old Keystone State.
I started from Overton, Bradford county,
Pa., on the 27th day of September 1858, and
after passing some two weeks on the road and
in visits by the way. I landed at Moatncqua,
Illinois, at which place I resided till last Feb
ruary, where I removed to this village, and
expect to remain here, at least several years.
Beieent is situated on the Great Western
Railroad, and boasts of about 500 inhabitants,
six stores, an excellent school house, a grist
mill (recently burned down) and some two or
three churches are being built the present
year. Our neighbors are composed of people
from every part of the Union. But the peo
ple here are mostly from Pennsylvania, New
York and Ohio, and are pretty generally well
snckerized. The soil is very productive und
yields abundant crops of grain and all sorts of
produce the farmer sees fit to cultivate. Fruit
is uot much cultivated here yet j i;t notwith
standing thi#deficiency, we have fruit in great
edrandance, and at very reasonable prices,
through the Railroad facilities which ure 60
complete, that within a few hours time these
luxuries are brought in from the south, east
and west in large quantities. Dement is loca
ted in about the geographical centre of the
state.
We have mauy transient people among us,
who are continually removing from one locali
ty to another and arc always discontented.—
They are geuerailv eastern people, who imbibe
these roving and unsteady habits after they
immigrate to this country, which is caused by
an eutirc misunderstanding of the general con
dition of the west, with regard to the manner
and custom of the people, the expense of
horse hire, cost of provision and fuel.
You are undoubtedly aware tlmt many per
sons iu the eastern states seem to thiuk that
people in the west can live in luxury aud idle
ness, whether ihey have any money or uot, —
hence they give their little all to defray the tin
avoidable* expense incurred iu removing to this
country. Now let me say to those persons
who entertain these opinions, that they are
sadly mistaken. If they have not money
enough to purchase a team of horses and the
necessary farming utensils, they had better
stay where they are. A common laborer can
do better there than here, because in the east
he can get employment the whole year, where
as in the vest he can get employment about
nine months only in each year. Now let me
just kindly say to those of your readers who
contemplate immigrating west, if you are not
svealthv, do by all means come out and seethe
country first, take a peep at tho facilities and
the general modus operandi by which the com
munity here are governed, and then you can
tako due notice and govern yourself accord
ingly. If you do not take these preliminary
steps, you will perhaps, like some others who
I Lave known, "eat the bread of sorrow
for many years!" Ido not here wish to
be understood to reflect unfavorably on tho
productiveness of tho soil, not at all, but to
the contrary. It may well be said " that this
is the Edeu of America." Tho soil is im
mensely rich, and yields abundant crops, if,
yes if tho weeds are kept down, and this re
quires labor. Speculation runs altogether too
PUBLISHED EVERY THURSDAY AT TOWANDA, BRADFORD COUNTY, PA., BY E. O'MEARA GOODRICH.
" REGARDLESS OF DENUNCIATION FROM ANY QUARTER."
high here, which has very nearly ruined cer
tain portions of Illinois. The land-sharks
very much retard the growth and development
|of this state. They are a great detriment to
■ " the great west," and will continue to be so
many years hence.
Perhaps it may be of some interest to your
readers to know how we feel in regard to the
nomination and election of " Ilonest Old
Abe." Let me say, right here, that his nom
ination was received with " great joy," and we
consider it almost, if not quite, a literal fulfil
-1 ment of an ancient promise, which declared
that in " Abraham shall all the families of
the earth be blessed." The Republicans arc
wild with enthusiasm and the Fillmore men
throughout the state are not far in the rear.
They are nearly all in for " Old Abe." The
Republicans here are sure they can carry this
-date by at least 15,000 majority, and some are
even willing to bet on 20,000 majority for the
I " rail splitter.
It is a fact, conceded by some Douglas men,
that LINCOLN will carry this state. We are
: confident of success iu Illinois.. Will the Re
! publicaus do their'duty in Pennsylvania. How
do you feel brethren, —what are your pros
pects. KAPHA.
Premiums for the Annual Exhibition
OF THE
Bradford Co. Agricultural Society,
For 1860.
CATTLE DEPARTMENT— Durham Bulls.
1( premium. 2d pre.
Three years old, and upwards, $4 00 $3 00
Two yrs. old and under three, 3 00 2 00
One year old and under two, 2 00 1 50
Under,one year old, 150 100
Durham Cotes and llcifers.
Three years old, and upwards, $3 00 $2 (JO
Two years old and under three, 2 00 1 50
One year old and under two, 2 00 1 50
\ Under one year old, 1 50 I 00
Like premiums will be awarded to Devons
and other full blooded cattle.
Grade Balls.
Three years old and upwards, 300• 200
l One year old and under three, 200 150
I iider oue year old, 2 00 1 00
Grade Coxes and Heifers.
Three years old and upwards, 300 200
One year old and uuder three, 200 1 50
Uuder one year old, 2 00 1 00
Like premiums will be awarded to natives
Working Gallic in. Yoke.
Five years old and upwards, 3 00 2 00
Three years old and under live, 3 00 2 00
Two veurs old and uuder three, 2 00 1 00
One year old, 2 00 1 00
Milch Cous.
200 1 00
Fat Cattle.
Fat Ox or Steer, 2 00 1 00
Cow or Heifer, 2 00 1 00
HORSES AND MULE DEPARTMENT.
Stallions for Heavy Dt aft.
Four years old and upwards, 4 00 S 00
Two years old and under four, 3 (JO 200
Stalliojis for all L'ses.
Four years old and upwards, 4 00 3 00
Two years old and under three, 3 00 2 00
Brood Marcs.
Four years old, _ 3 00 2 00
Carriage Horses and Hares.
Geldings, matched, • 00 2 00
Mares, mate hod, 3 00 2 00
Single Carriage, gelding or inare,2 00 1 00
Saddle, gelding or mare, 2 00 1 00
Draft horses, 3 00 2 <JO
Colts.
Tiiree years old, 2 00 1 00
Two years old, 2 00 I 00
Oue year old, 200 1 00
Sucking colts, 2 00 I 00
Jacks, Jennets and Mules.
Jacks, 3 00 2 00
Jennets, 200 1 00
J Mules, pair, 2 00 1 00
! SHEEP DEPARTMENT. Bucks.
! Fine wool, 3 00 2 00
j Lamb fine woo!, 2 00 1 00
Mixed and crossed, 200 1 OO
Lamb, mixed and crossed, 1 50 I 00
1 Long wool mutton, 2 00 1 00
j Lambs, long wool mutton, 1 50 1 00
Ewes.
| Fine wool, 3in number, 2 00 1 50
! Lambs, 3in number, 1 50 1 00
Mixed uud crossed, 1 50 1 00
Lambs, mixed and crossed, 1 50 1 00
Long wool mutton, 1 50 1 00
Lambs, long wool mutton, I 50 1 00
SWINE DEPARTMENT.— Boars.
One year old and upwards, 2 00 1 00
Six months aud under oue year, 2 00
Sous.
One year old and upwards, 2 00 1 00
Six mouths and under oue year, 2 00 1 00
Sow and pigs, 2 00 1 00
POULTRY DEPARTMENT.
Largest and best lot of fowls, 150 100
Pair, cock and hcu, 77 50
Pair Turkics, 75 50
Pair Geese, 75 50
Pair Ducks, 75 50
FIELD CROP DEPARTMENT.
3 acres XViuter Wheat, 4 00 3 00
3 acres Spring Wheat, 3 00 2 00
3 acres Corn, 3 00 2 00
3 acres Rye, 3 00 2 00
3 acres Oats, 3 00 2 00
2 acres Barley, 200 1 50
3 acres Timothy Llay, 2 00 1 50
3 acres Clover Hay, 2 00 1 50
3 acres Buckwheat, 2 00 I 50
1-2 acre Potatoes, 2 00 I 50
1-2 acre Turnips, 2 00 1 50
1 4 acre Field Beets, 2 00 1 60
1-2 acre Peas, 1 50 1 00
1-4 acre Beans, 1 50 1 00
1-5 acre Carrots, 200 1 50
3 acres Pumpkin?, 1 50 ! CO,
SEED DEPARTMENT.
1( premium. ."2d pre.
Specimen (1 bush.) clover seed, 1 00 72
Specimen do Timothy, 1 00 75
Specimen of Flax, 1 00 75
GARDEN VEGETABLE DEPARTMENT.
Largest and best variety, 1 00 75
Dozen Beets, 50 25
Dozen heads Cabbage, 50 25
3 heads Cauliflowers, 50 25
1-2 dozen stalks Celery, 50 25
Specimen Lima Beans, 50 25
j Specimen Egg Plant, 50 25
Specimen Winter Squash, 50 25
Specimen Onions, 50 25
Specimen of Parsnips, 50 25
Specimen Tomatoes, 50 25
Specimen sweet Corn, 50 25
FLTUIT AND HORTICULTURAL DEPARTMENT.
Largest and best variety Apples, 1 50 1 00
Specimeu single variety, 1 dor. 75 50:
Largest and best variety Pears, 1 00 75
I Single specimen, 1 dozen, 75 50
Largest and best variety Peaches, 1 00 75
j Single specimen, 4 dozen, 75 50
Largest and best variety Grapes, 1 00 75
Siugle specimen, 75 50
I Specimeu of Quinces, I dozen, 75 50
; Specimen of Water Mellons, 50 25
Specimen of Musk Mellon, 50 25
Largest best variety dried fruit, I 00 75
i Specimen of dried apples, 5 lbs. 50
Largest best specimen dried berries 50 25
FLOWERS AND GREEN HOUSE H ANTS.
Largest and best variety flowers, I 00 75
! Basket boquet, 75 50
Hand boquet, 50 24
Best floral design, 1 50 1 00
EXOTICS AND OTHER PLANTS.
Largest aud finest display, I 50 1 00
Specimens, 3or more pota or boxes 50 25
DAIRY AND HONEY AND SUGAR DEPARTMENT.
Butter.
Specimen, Firkin or Tub, 25 lbs. 3 00 2 0(J
Specimen fresh roll 6 lbs or over 2 00 1 00
Chrtst.
Specimeu 20 lbs or over, 2 00 1 01
Honey and Sugar.
: Specimeu Honey, 5 lbs or over, 1 (10 75
Specimeu Maple sugar, 10 lbs, 1 110 75
FLOUR AND MEAL DEPARTMENT.
Barrel Wheat Flour, 2 00 1 50
Sack Rye Flour, 1 00 75
Sack Buckwheat, 1 00 75
Sack Cora meal, I 00 75
FARMING IMPLEMENTS DEPARTMENT.
Reaper and Mower, 4 00 200
Threshing Machine, 4 00 2 00
Two horse plough, 1 50 1 00
Side hill plough, I 50 I 00
Subsoil plough, 1 50 1 00
Fanning Mill, 1 50 1 00
Horse Power, 300 1 50
Hay and Straw cutter, 2 OO 1 UO
Stump Machine, 2 00 1 50
Corn Sheller, 2 00 1 00
Horse hay aud straw forks, 1 50 1 00
Grain Drill, 2 00 1 00
Cultivator, 1 50 1 00
Cider Mill, 2 00 1 00
Graiu Cradles, 1 00 75
Farm or road scraper, 1 50 1 00
Harrow, 1 50 1 00
I Roller, 1 50 1 CO
Horse Hake, 1 29 1 00
Corn Stalk Cutter, 200 1 00
Cheese Press, 1 50 1 00
Dog or sheep power, • 2 00 1 00
Cart for farm purposes, 2 .00 1 00
Six llay rakes, 1 50 1 00
Root Cutter, 2 00 1 00
Ox yoke complete, i Q0 75
Churn for power, 1 50
Hand churn, I 00 I 00
Circular saw, 2 00 1 00
Furnace aud boiler for boats, 2 00 1 00
Largest and best display of farm
ing implements not enumerated
iu this list, 3 00 2 00
MECHANICAL MANUFACTURES DEPARTMENT.
j Specimen Gnishing, iron or brass, 1 50 1 00
' Specimen of iron castings, 1 50 1 00
Two horse curriage, 3 00 2 00
j Single carriage, 3 00 2 00
Two horse wagou for road, 3 00 2 00
Two horse carriage harness, 2 00 1 00
Siugle carriage harness, 2 00 1 00
! Harness for draft, 2 00 1 00
I Cooking stove, 2 00 1 00
! Parlor stove, 2 00 1 00
! Coal stove, 200 I 00
Lot of Cabinet Ware, 3 00 2 00
Specimeu Shoemaker's work, 2 00 I 00
Specimen of leather, 2 00 I 00
Specimen of window blinds, sash,2 00 1 50
Specimeu of Cooper's ware, 150 1 00
Specimen of Joiners work, 1 50 1 00
Specimen of Tiu Ware, 1 50 I 00
Specimen marble, stone cutting, 2 00 1 00
Manufactured cloth, 1 40 1 00
HORSE AND OX SHOEING.
Specimen of horse shoeing, 2 00 1 00
Specimen of Ox Shoeing, 2 00 1 00
SLAUGHTERED MEATS, HAMS, DRIED AND SMOKED
MEATS.
Specimen of Boef, 1 50 1 00
Specimen Mutton, 1 00 75
Specimeu Ham, 1 50 I 00
Specimen dried or smoked meat, 1 00 75
DOMESTIC DEPARTMENT. — Manufactures IsJ
Class.
Woolen Carpet, I 50 50
Rag Carpet, 75 50
Linen, (10 yards) 75 50
Flannel, 75 50
Bed Quilt, 1 00 50
Couuterpanc, 1 00 50
Specimen woolen yarn, 60 25
Specimen iinen thread, 50 25
Woolen socks or stockings, 50 25
LiDen hose, 50 25
Woolen mittens or gloves, 50 25
Wooleu Blanket, 75 60
Manufactures —2nd Class.
Sbirt, 50 25
Set Undextleovca, 50
Ist premium. .2d pre.
Infants Dress, 50 25
Cap or Collar, 50 25
Specimen Millinery Work, 1 00 "50
Specimen Mantaumakers work, 1 00 50
Ma nu facta res—3rd Class.
Worsted table cover, 75 50
Lamp Mat, worsted, 50 25
Worsted Flowers, vase, 50 25
Specimen worsted embroidery, 75 50
Specimen silk embroidery, 75 50
Specimen ornamented work, chair, 50 25
Specimen Embroidery, slippers, 50 25
Largest best variety crotchet work 1 00 75
Lot Tidies, 50 25
I Specimen fancy kuitting, 50 25
Manufactures —4th Class.
Specimen of Leather Work, 50 25
Specimeu Wax Work, 50 25
| Ornamented Box or Case, 50 25
! Largest best variety fancy articles, 100 75 j
Domestics Productions.—oth Class.
Wheat bread, one loaf, 75 50 j
Rye Bread, do 75 50
Sponge Bake, do 75 50
: Pouud Cake, do 75 50
| Fruit Cake, do 75 50,
j Variety of Preserved Fruits, 75 50
Variety of Jellies, 75 50
Variety of Pickles, 50 25 i
Specimeu domestic wine, Gaape, 50
, do do . Currant, 50
Variety of wiues—3 kinds, 75 00
: Washing Soap, 50 25
Largest and best collection of ar
ticles in this class not enumer
ated, I 00 75
Paintings, Drawings, Books, k (-c.
i Painting in Oil Colors, Diploma 50
Painting iu Water Colors, Diploma GO
i Monochromatic Paintings, Diploma 50
j Specimen of Photographs, Diploma 50
Specimen Daguereotypes, Diploma 50
; Largest best collection paintings, 1 00 75
Pencil Drawings, - Diplotna 50
Specimen Bookbinding, D'nia- 1 00
I DIPLOMAS AND C'ERFII ICARES OF MEL-IT will
be awarded upon the rccoumiendatiyn of the
Judging Committees, to any article on exhibi
: tion not embraced in the foregoing list.
Competitors for premiums or graiu aud all
; other field crops will observe the following
rules :
Ist. The quantity of land specified for each
crop, must be measured iu oue piece.
• 2d. When grain, the eutire crop upon the
1 land specified, must be measured, mid one ,
, bushel weighed aud exhibited at the fair.
When lloot crops, the entire crop mast be
I measured, and at least live bushels of each, I
(a greater quantity preferred) of an average
quality, must be exhibited at the fair.
3d. The loregoing must be certified to by
; three respectable disinterested persons in writ
| iD 2- I
Competitors for premiums on miieii cows
| will observe the following rules :
Ist. The time of the trial to be the first ten
I of August, aud the first ten days of Septem-
I bcr.
2d. A statement to he made, and certified
! to iu writing by one disinterested person, eon
| rersaat with the facts, of the age and breed of
| the cow, the time of calving ; the quantity of
! milk iu weight and also of butter made during
each period of ten days.
Early publication will be made of the gen
eru! rules of the Fair, and the time of holding
the same.
It is believed that our coming exhibition,
will be the largest and most interesting ever
held by the Society. Extensive preparations j
will be made for exhibiting every article
known to the productive industry of our
Country. It is hoped and believed that the
friends of the Society throughout the County,
will exert themselves iu preparing and urging
others to prepare, for this great annual Festi- 1
val of our farmers and mechanics.
By order of the Executive Committee.
W. C. BOG ART, Sec.
A HUMOROUS INCIDENT. —A laughable inci
dent occurred recently, not many miles from
1 Dansvillc, the circumstances of which are re
lated by the Daily Herald of that village, as
follows : An old gentleman farmer, who had
two handsome daughters, was so cautious of
his charge that he would not permit them to
keep the company of young men. However,
' they adopted the following expedient to enjoy
the company of their lovers. After the old
man had retired to rest, the girls would hang
a sheet out of the window, and the beaux
would seize hold of it and with the assistance !
of his lady love who tugged lustily above
would thus gain entrance. It so happeued
that oue evening the girls hung out the sheet
too early, for the old gentleman, by some ill
wind, was accidentally around the corner, and
spying the sheet, could not conjecture the ,
meaning of its being there. So he caught hold ;
and endeavored to pull it down ; the girls sup
posing it to be ouo of their fellows began to 1
hoist, and did uot discover the mistake uutil
the old man's head was le.vel with the window
sill, when one of them exclaimed, " Oh, Lord 1
it's dad 1" and, letting go the sheet, down eame 1
tho old gentleman ou the ground, dislocating 1
one shoulder, which convinced him that to
make old maids of his daughters was a matter
not so easily accomplished ; and withdrew all
further opposition to their keeping company,
and he was 6oon a father in law. " '
MASTER FOR ONCE.— An unfortunate marri
ed man was very ill-used by his Xantippo—he
was even treated with an occasional thrashing.
His friends rallied him upon this, and at last
spurred him on tho declare that he would make
an effort to be master. One day net long after I
his better half was so furious that ho found (
himself compelled to seek shelter under the
table. Just at this moment the voices of bis '
friends were heard in the passage. " Come
oat—como out!" cried the wife, fearful of an j
exposure. " No—no I" cried the husband, in (
triumph ; "come out—indeed— uot I niihow c
for once that I am r:z:':r \ ;
VOL. XXI. —INO. 7.
[From the LaSalle (111.) l'resj.j
A Short Sermon to " Douglas Worship
pers,''
BV WHANO DOODLE.
Ami Jevout men carried Stephen to his burial, and
made great lamentation ov-r him.—Acts viil. 2.
My dear Douglas brethren : I intend to
talk to you at this time, about the folly and
sinfulness of worshipping man. The heathen
bow to images of wood and stone, and some
worship unclean beasts. Hut we of this gen
eration have been guilty of the meanest idol
atry of all in worshipping a little lump of cor
rupt flesh aud blood, called Stephen, now de
funct. A fev: weeks ago, when we ladened
our vessels with rum and whisky for oar breth
ren, who were sent as missionaries to the port
of Charleston, in the foreign land cf South
Carolina, to preach the gospel of Dred Scott
and Popular Sovereignty and gave them gold
and silver wherewith to buy their bread and
meat, our departed friend was full of promise,
aud high uplifted as the god of Democracy,
aud all who would fall down and worship him
should have their reward. Put, alas 1 our
brethren have returned to us with nothing but
his unseemly carcass. " And devout mrn car
ried Stephen to his burial, and made great lam
entation over him "
And it came to pass, when our chief priests
and elders were gathered together in conven
tion at Charleston, that many of tho heatheu
of that region would not fall down and wor
ship our golden calf. And we said unto theui
they were wrong ; that the golden calf would
grant them many indulgences ; he would give
them Hour bon whi-ky, apple jack aud red eye
as beverages, and had promised nine hundred
and ninety thousand foreign missions, post
offices and custom houses and take five hun
dred old fogies into his cabinet. Hut all this
would not avail. Xury a bowel of compassion
could be moved within them, and therefore our
brethren returned unto us " And devout men
carried Stephen to his burial, and made great
lamentation over him."
And the disciples of Stephen spake unto
them, saying, that they did not care whether
nigger j were voted upside down, or downside
up, it made no difference. But they were re
bellious,'and declared that we must get the
nigger out of the fence' aud protect them ia
'.he Territories where there are no fences ; but
we couldn't do it. We referred them to Free
port, where Stephen spake of " unfriendly leg
gisinticu," but they didn't care a red lor the
Police Magistrate of the Territories, but would
, pasture their niggers there, on Uncle Snm'a
farm. They wouldn't let us put a fence of un
friendly legislation aroutid tl.cm aud because
we wouldn't give the niggers pasture, they
waxed with wrath, and Stephen gave op tho
ghost. " And devout men carried Stephen to
lus burial, atid made great lamentation over
him."
In vain-' cur brethren promised to erect a
false bottomed platform, to delude the heathen
with tricks of legerdemain. Oh, the " irre
pressible conflict !'•' It squeezed our poor lit
tle Stephen so hard, that gout nor influenza
need trouble him more. They cast rocks upon
him. The lions roared at him. The eagle
" quivered his tail at him iu proud defiance."
Old Buck shook his horn at him. The niggers
shook their wool and laughed at him, because
the''R iil-umnlerreceived more votes troia
j. Suckers than he did. And our one hundred
and fifty-two ar.cf a half brethren slood by and
saw him crashed out, and bewailed their
empty pockets, and the loss of the good things
promised them. " And devout men carried
Stephen to his bicri.il, cud made great lamcnta
i lion orer him."
And now, in conclusion", my dear Douglas
brethren, I know it is hard for us to believe
that Stephen is suufl'cd up. Wo canuot real
ize it. But it is even so. We never shall be
hold his coat tail dragging on the ground any
more, Its beautiful folds have been wrapped
around his wounded seat of honor, and he has
been lain at rest. The " irrepressible conflict"
has dealt him a smasher on the nob, and his
voice will no longer charm us with the beauti
ful song of Popular Sove Therefore
cease your blubbering of Stephen. There is
yet hope of salvation for ns. There is a plank
still left for ns poor shipwrecked sinners to
cling to. Our brethren north and south
already stand upon it. Though the heathen
have denounced it es a relic of barbarism, yet
: our elders in the great council of the nation
say it is a good one. We will go to that land
of blessed saints in Utah, where it is fenced in
and shout for old Mrs. Polly Gamy. There,
reposing on her bosom, we will bury nil our
sorrows for the immaculate Stephen, who was
so shamefully martyred at Charleston Let him
rot in peace.
Farewell, then, to poor old Stephen,
The famous Charleston martyr ;
For ho lied so, we couldn't believe Uiin,
And we won't go tumbling after.
Thus, you see, I liavo quoted the Dutch
poet, and he will close with the words of the
text, " Aud devout men carried Stephen to his
burial, and made great lamentation over him."'
Amen.
The choir will please siug that good old
sockdology, of " Possum up a gum tree,"while
a coilcction is beiug taken up for the bem fit
of our late missionaries to Charleston.
The young lady who saw a baby with
out kissing it has acknowledged that ber
friend's bonnet is handsomer than her owa.
feaT" Said Tom : " Since I have been aboard
I have eaten so much veal that T am ashamed
to look a calf iu the face !" " I s'pose theu."
said a wag, who was present, " you &havo
without a glass !"
ttjjr " Mr. C. has spoken ill of you," said a
gossip to his friend, a mau who thoroughly un
derstood the world. " That astonishts me, - '
was his reply : " I have never rendered htoi
any service.''
65*- A coaplo of wild girls have been ar
rested in C for mdnlging in the amusements
of breaking their ueigbbors'windows. They no
dcabt thcugbt with Pope—'' lis womau'r-part
to ease CM of bia juries.'' ,