O<E DOLLAR PER ANNUM INVARIABLY IN ADVANCE. TOWANDA : Thursday Rloruing, July 19, 1860. jsclcdcb IJoetrn. GRAY HAIRS. BY L. n. SIGOCRNBY. ilmy hair- ' I marvel why they strike Such terror and dismay, N , mark ut wickedness or shame <>r foul disgrace are they. silent as when infant dreams Steal o'er the cradle-down, They weave their sparkling silver threads in with the Hack, or brown. Viiav hairs!—the waningbeauty shrieks lietore her mirror's face, A 1 forth tli' unblessed invader dies Uprooted from its place. O'a. lady, stay that lily hand. If one such guest should fall, They s.iy a dozen more will come To attend the funeral. Gray hair- I saw the Queen of France Arrayed in regal state, Bc( t.ivc tire elite of the land, The titled and the great. And while her dignity aud grace Weic praised l>y every tongue, ry, white 1 ingtcts o'er her brow lu Varies.-, clusters hung. U v i> ' when sprinkled here ;<•! there i: . iV.'.iJ and whiskers too, ia-pirc ivsjKN-t and eunavlcnce Mm- than the youthful hue ; i vhdgc of mankind they tell, I'. , Lance of .-irious thought, A- I lore at the expensive school Of sage experience taught. Gray hairs ! —1 think thens beaut.ful Around the ancient face ; 1• pure unsullied snows that lend The Wintry landscape grace ; W hen found in wisdom's way they crow* With wealth's cxhau-tless store, A prelude to that home of joy Where age is known no more. (finttaiioiKil Department. Ts School Directors. 1 riends and fellow laborers in the cause cf • .ucaiioa, permit me to have a few moments : i talk with you about the subject iu which UT are nil interested. Ton have seen fit to t-rT- ; <-L of myself to take charge of the <• affiLi s'Lools of this County again for three | .;•<(} i tae, if God shall so loug give me I iieivA.U. 1- v this renewed murk of esteem and ft. . m-, 1 :ii only say that lam truly grate- If'd, caathtcsA it does uftec atrial of one term Fof service— i: :s pecv.'.iaidy gratify tag, ud pla ices rue nadir renewed obligation to exert jny to h'c more useful in your service. My •■forts, however, will be vaiu without your aid, .'itburs fruitless, for good, unless seconded i' vjur good will and prompt "assistance } allow . then, I repent, to address you frankly, and - i all plainness. As we must work togctlt it is nil important that we know and un •stund each other's views, and plans, and i gives. 1 hope therefore that you will at ; tiai' S freely and frankly communicate with :ne. Our objects are, or should be, the cleva huu of the schools of the county —their im provement iu all respects, as to the houses, yards, furniture, and the teachers, and in slioit every thing that is required to make a good school. While I have generally had the co-opera tion of directors and proprietors, there arc some things which I respectfully, but most earnestly request you to take into cossidtra v.on, and see if it would not lie better for the schools to have adopted. 1 might embrace ull that is necessary to say, perhaps iu the simple ' : W.uii, live up to the spirit of the lw acd tzed'./.-ions aud instructions of the State Su- P- l .lent But I will be more explicit.— ALV.. , ! ,Ie would be avoided by hiring the tM'Jito iur your respective districts at a raeet i;.?l f the board held for that purpose, at I j meeting, the citizens of the neighbor hood should be invited to be present. Teach ers are frequently found in the schools, who have never seen one of the directors, and iu the directors do net know that such per sons are teaching in the township, j B the persons desirous of teaching, could *'JQVF before hand at what time the instructors a certain district are to be hired, it would : 't leas trouble for tham to attend all at one '• ue aud place, than it would for each teacher jgo and look up a school for himself, and bieu hunt up a director to employ him. Di rectors would at least know who were teaching L'-ir schools. L t all the teachers be employ ?* time, by the whole board, and I • r a written contract, and at least no small - are of the troubles in our schools would be obviated. Lie president of each school board, has to lt - under oath, that all the teachers em tuning the year, had a valid certificate f Cou,lt y How can - T,y Jo this unless he knows that fact P'..- a. 1 knowledge? It' any body and M . t h rc S the teachers, aud the direct- I • c >* nothing about them, how can the I nt kwear l '"d a 'l have certificates ? I'i '' not l hen Directors know that those qual vf em P lo 7 as teachers are thus legally tic!, i", ' Ca ." - vour a ttcntiou-to the resolu -nn i u a!most unanimously at the conven tiie r- 'i °° ' tb *^ a 7- relative to grading the ' " the grado of the certificate and etS Cr l eQCO of the a PP'' ca nt, —taking into And i i ca l u '' setbe 6 '- 0 of the schools.— LvA a 1 ' 6 at . Ullectors the several dis erarv C , any il out " persons, whose lit it*/ ~ l r aro of so low a g rade that k.;.q " ely obta 'ua certificate of any . to receive the same amount of wa n T lbose wh " are entitled to ; the first grade, -or if a young i J ou experience, is to bare as much THE BRADFORD REPORTER. as one who has taught for years— I say, if this is to be done, it is difficult to see what encouragement there can be for young persons to incur expenses, from year to year, to quali fy themselves more fully for the discharge of their duties. Most certainly our schools will not make the advance under such circumstan ces, that the friends of the system have a right to expect. Many times entire strangers are employed, and Directors do not see their certificates, if they have any. How can they then know which schools such individuals are competeut to teach. All teachers cannot be expected to be equal in literary ability,and the schools do not require that they should be.— iu some, a good grammarian is needed, while in others grammar may not be required at all. In one or more schools of the district there may be pupils well advanced in arithmetic, wbila in others the arithmeticians are but be | giuners. Can Directors properly select teach* • ers for these several schools without the least knowledge of their attainments, other than the fact that they have a certificate of some kind. One of the greatest hindrances to the pro ! gress of the schools is the multiplicity of text j books. Iu some schools I have found three, four and eveu live kinds of Geographies, as . many kinds of Arithmetics and Grammars.— In such cases teachers are obliged to have such ' a number of classes that it is impossible to do well by the schools. Frequently there are four classes in Geography, whereas but one would be required if all had the same kiud of books. It is not deemed advisable perhaps to make a radical change of books at once, but it is very desirable that Directors take hold of tliis subject and do something to pre vent any and every person who may come along, from introducing new text books into the schools. The law puts this whole matter in the hands of the Directors,—just where it shotlld be, ami requires them to act in the premises, and if they would act prudently,and i judiciously but promptly, much loss of time to teachers and pupils, and expense to parents might bo saved I have enumerated some subjects to which I invite your special atten tion. I hope and trust that you will under stand this plain talk as coming from a fellow i laborer, who has the good of the cause of ed ucation in view, the improvement of the schools, the mental, physical, and moral well being of the children and youth of this coun ty ut heart, —who has no desire to dictate or attempt to control, or exercise authcr'y, but rather to counsel with those with whom he is to labor for the promotion of these objects. C. R COULILX. I.UTTER FROM ILLINOIS. BEMENT, (Illinois) July 10, IsCO. K. U. GOODRICH, Editor I have thought that perhaps a word foai Illinois might be i f some interest to your readers, especially to my friends and acquaintances in Bradford coun ty and vicinity, and the Republicans generally throughout the old Keystone State. I started from Overton, Bradford county, Pa., on the 27th day of September 1858, and after passing some two weeks on the road and in visits by the way. I landed at Moatncqua, Illinois, at which place I resided till last Feb ruary, where I removed to this village, and expect to remain here, at least several years. Beieent is situated on the Great Western Railroad, and boasts of about 500 inhabitants, six stores, an excellent school house, a grist mill (recently burned down) and some two or three churches are being built the present year. Our neighbors are composed of people from every part of the Union. But the peo ple here are mostly from Pennsylvania, New York and Ohio, and are pretty generally well snckerized. The soil is very productive und yields abundant crops of grain and all sorts of produce the farmer sees fit to cultivate. Fruit is uot much cultivated here yet j i;t notwith standing thi#deficiency, we have fruit in great edrandance, and at very reasonable prices, through the Railroad facilities which ure 60 complete, that within a few hours time these luxuries are brought in from the south, east and west in large quantities. Dement is loca ted in about the geographical centre of the state. We have mauy transient people among us, who are continually removing from one locali ty to another and arc always discontented.— They are geuerailv eastern people, who imbibe these roving and unsteady habits after they immigrate to this country, which is caused by an eutirc misunderstanding of the general con dition of the west, with regard to the manner and custom of the people, the expense of horse hire, cost of provision and fuel. You are undoubtedly aware tlmt many per sons iu the eastern states seem to thiuk that people in the west can live in luxury aud idle ness, whether ihey have any money or uot, — hence they give their little all to defray the tin avoidable* expense incurred iu removing to this country. Now let me say to those persons who entertain these opinions, that they are sadly mistaken. If they have not money enough to purchase a team of horses and the necessary farming utensils, they had better stay where they are. A common laborer can do better there than here, because in the east he can get employment the whole year, where as in the vest he can get employment about nine months only in each year. Now let me just kindly say to those of your readers who contemplate immigrating west, if you are not svealthv, do by all means come out and seethe country first, take a peep at tho facilities and the general modus operandi by which the com munity here are governed, and then you can tako due notice and govern yourself accord ingly. If you do not take these preliminary steps, you will perhaps, like some others who I Lave known, "eat the bread of sorrow for many years!" Ido not here wish to be understood to reflect unfavorably on tho productiveness of tho soil, not at all, but to the contrary. It may well be said " that this is the Edeu of America." Tho soil is im mensely rich, and yields abundant crops, if, yes if tho weeds are kept down, and this re quires labor. Speculation runs altogether too PUBLISHED EVERY THURSDAY AT TOWANDA, BRADFORD COUNTY, PA., BY E. O'MEARA GOODRICH. " REGARDLESS OF DENUNCIATION FROM ANY QUARTER." high here, which has very nearly ruined cer tain portions of Illinois. The land-sharks very much retard the growth and development |of this state. They are a great detriment to ■ " the great west," and will continue to be so many years hence. Perhaps it may be of some interest to your readers to know how we feel in regard to the nomination and election of " Ilonest Old Abe." Let me say, right here, that his nom ination was received with " great joy," and we consider it almost, if not quite, a literal fulfil -1 ment of an ancient promise, which declared that in " Abraham shall all the families of the earth be blessed." The Republicans arc wild with enthusiasm and the Fillmore men throughout the state are not far in the rear. They are nearly all in for " Old Abe." The Republicans here are sure they can carry this -date by at least 15,000 majority, and some are even willing to bet on 20,000 majority for the I " rail splitter. It is a fact, conceded by some Douglas men, that LINCOLN will carry this state. We are : confident of success iu Illinois.. Will the Re ! publicaus do their'duty in Pennsylvania. How do you feel brethren, —what are your pros pects. KAPHA. Premiums for the Annual Exhibition OF THE Bradford Co. Agricultural Society, For 1860. CATTLE DEPARTMENT— Durham Bulls. 1( premium. 2d pre. Three years old, and upwards, $4 00 $3 00 Two yrs. old and under three, 3 00 2 00 One year old and under two, 2 00 1 50 Under,one year old, 150 100 Durham Cotes and llcifers. Three years old, and upwards, $3 00 $2 (JO Two years old and under three, 2 00 1 50 One year old and under two, 2 00 1 50 \ Under one year old, 1 50 I 00 Like premiums will be awarded to Devons and other full blooded cattle. Grade Balls. Three years old and upwards, 300• 200 l One year old and under three, 200 150 I iider oue year old, 2 00 1 00 Grade Coxes and Heifers. Three years old and upwards, 300 200 One year old and uuder three, 200 1 50 Uuder one year old, 2 00 1 00 Like premiums will be awarded to natives Working Gallic in. Yoke. Five years old and upwards, 3 00 2 00 Three years old and under live, 3 00 2 00 Two veurs old and uuder three, 2 00 1 00 One year old, 2 00 1 00 Milch Cous. 200 1 00 Fat Cattle. Fat Ox or Steer, 2 00 1 00 Cow or Heifer, 2 00 1 00 HORSES AND MULE DEPARTMENT. Stallions for Heavy Dt aft. Four years old and upwards, 4 00 S 00 Two years old and under four, 3 (JO 200 Stalliojis for all L'ses. Four years old and upwards, 4 00 3 00 Two years old and under three, 3 00 2 00 Brood Marcs. Four years old, _ 3 00 2 00 Carriage Horses and Hares. Geldings, matched, • 00 2 00 Mares, mate hod, 3 00 2 00 Single Carriage, gelding or inare,2 00 1 00 Saddle, gelding or mare, 2 00 1 00 Draft horses, 3 00 2 <JO Colts. Tiiree years old, 2 00 1 00 Two years old, 2 00 I 00 Oue year old, 200 1 00 Sucking colts, 2 00 I 00 Jacks, Jennets and Mules. Jacks, 3 00 2 00 Jennets, 200 1 00 J Mules, pair, 2 00 1 00 ! SHEEP DEPARTMENT. Bucks. ! Fine wool, 3 00 2 00 j Lamb fine woo!, 2 00 1 00 Mixed and crossed, 200 1 OO Lamb, mixed and crossed, 1 50 I 00 1 Long wool mutton, 2 00 1 00 j Lambs, long wool mutton, 1 50 1 00 Ewes. | Fine wool, 3in number, 2 00 1 50 ! Lambs, 3in number, 1 50 1 00 Mixed uud crossed, 1 50 1 00 Lambs, mixed and crossed, 1 50 1 00 Long wool mutton, 1 50 1 00 Lambs, long wool mutton, I 50 1 00 SWINE DEPARTMENT.— Boars. One year old and upwards, 2 00 1 00 Six months aud under oue year, 2 00 Sous. One year old and upwards, 2 00 1 00 Six mouths and under oue year, 2 00 1 00 Sow and pigs, 2 00 1 00 POULTRY DEPARTMENT. Largest and best lot of fowls, 150 100 Pair, cock and hcu, 77 50 Pair Turkics, 75 50 Pair Geese, 75 50 Pair Ducks, 75 50 FIELD CROP DEPARTMENT. 3 acres XViuter Wheat, 4 00 3 00 3 acres Spring Wheat, 3 00 2 00 3 acres Corn, 3 00 2 00 3 acres Rye, 3 00 2 00 3 acres Oats, 3 00 2 00 2 acres Barley, 200 1 50 3 acres Timothy Llay, 2 00 1 50 3 acres Clover Hay, 2 00 1 50 3 acres Buckwheat, 2 00 I 50 1-2 acre Potatoes, 2 00 I 50 1-2 acre Turnips, 2 00 1 50 1 4 acre Field Beets, 2 00 1 60 1-2 acre Peas, 1 50 1 00 1-4 acre Beans, 1 50 1 00 1-5 acre Carrots, 200 1 50 3 acres Pumpkin?, 1 50 ! CO, SEED DEPARTMENT. 1( premium. ."2d pre. Specimen (1 bush.) clover seed, 1 00 72 Specimen do Timothy, 1 00 75 Specimen of Flax, 1 00 75 GARDEN VEGETABLE DEPARTMENT. Largest and best variety, 1 00 75 Dozen Beets, 50 25 Dozen heads Cabbage, 50 25 3 heads Cauliflowers, 50 25 1-2 dozen stalks Celery, 50 25 Specimen Lima Beans, 50 25 j Specimen Egg Plant, 50 25 Specimen Winter Squash, 50 25 Specimen Onions, 50 25 Specimen of Parsnips, 50 25 Specimen Tomatoes, 50 25 Specimen sweet Corn, 50 25 FLTUIT AND HORTICULTURAL DEPARTMENT. Largest and best variety Apples, 1 50 1 00 Specimeu single variety, 1 dor. 75 50: Largest and best variety Pears, 1 00 75 I Single specimen, 1 dozen, 75 50 Largest and best variety Peaches, 1 00 75 j Single specimen, 4 dozen, 75 50 Largest and best variety Grapes, 1 00 75 Siugle specimen, 75 50 I Specimeu of Quinces, I dozen, 75 50 ; Specimen of Water Mellons, 50 25 Specimen of Musk Mellon, 50 25 Largest best variety dried fruit, I 00 75 i Specimen of dried apples, 5 lbs. 50 Largest best specimen dried berries 50 25 FLOWERS AND GREEN HOUSE H ANTS. Largest and best variety flowers, I 00 75 ! Basket boquet, 75 50 Hand boquet, 50 24 Best floral design, 1 50 1 00 EXOTICS AND OTHER PLANTS. Largest aud finest display, I 50 1 00 Specimens, 3or more pota or boxes 50 25 DAIRY AND HONEY AND SUGAR DEPARTMENT. Butter. Specimen, Firkin or Tub, 25 lbs. 3 00 2 0(J Specimen fresh roll 6 lbs or over 2 00 1 00 Chrtst. Specimeu 20 lbs or over, 2 00 1 01 Honey and Sugar. : Specimeu Honey, 5 lbs or over, 1 (10 75 Specimeu Maple sugar, 10 lbs, 1 110 75 FLOUR AND MEAL DEPARTMENT. Barrel Wheat Flour, 2 00 1 50 Sack Rye Flour, 1 00 75 Sack Buckwheat, 1 00 75 Sack Cora meal, I 00 75 FARMING IMPLEMENTS DEPARTMENT. Reaper and Mower, 4 00 200 Threshing Machine, 4 00 2 00 Two horse plough, 1 50 1 00 Side hill plough, I 50 I 00 Subsoil plough, 1 50 1 00 Fanning Mill, 1 50 1 00 Horse Power, 300 1 50 Hay and Straw cutter, 2 OO 1 UO Stump Machine, 2 00 1 50 Corn Sheller, 2 00 1 00 Horse hay aud straw forks, 1 50 1 00 Grain Drill, 2 00 1 00 Cultivator, 1 50 1 00 Cider Mill, 2 00 1 00 Graiu Cradles, 1 00 75 Farm or road scraper, 1 50 1 00 Harrow, 1 50 1 00 I Roller, 1 50 1 CO Horse Hake, 1 29 1 00 Corn Stalk Cutter, 200 1 00 Cheese Press, 1 50 1 00 Dog or sheep power, • 2 00 1 00 Cart for farm purposes, 2 .00 1 00 Six llay rakes, 1 50 1 00 Root Cutter, 2 00 1 00 Ox yoke complete, i Q0 75 Churn for power, 1 50 Hand churn, I 00 I 00 Circular saw, 2 00 1 00 Furnace aud boiler for boats, 2 00 1 00 Largest and best display of farm ing implements not enumerated iu this list, 3 00 2 00 MECHANICAL MANUFACTURES DEPARTMENT. j Specimen Gnishing, iron or brass, 1 50 1 00 ' Specimen of iron castings, 1 50 1 00 Two horse curriage, 3 00 2 00 j Single carriage, 3 00 2 00 Two horse wagou for road, 3 00 2 00 Two horse carriage harness, 2 00 1 00 Siugle carriage harness, 2 00 1 00 ! Harness for draft, 2 00 1 00 I Cooking stove, 2 00 1 00 ! Parlor stove, 2 00 1 00 ! Coal stove, 200 I 00 Lot of Cabinet Ware, 3 00 2 00 Specimeu Shoemaker's work, 2 00 I 00 Specimen of leather, 2 00 I 00 Specimen of window blinds, sash,2 00 1 50 Specimeu of Cooper's ware, 150 1 00 Specimen of Joiners work, 1 50 1 00 Specimen of Tiu Ware, 1 50 I 00 Specimen marble, stone cutting, 2 00 1 00 Manufactured cloth, 1 40 1 00 HORSE AND OX SHOEING. Specimen of horse shoeing, 2 00 1 00 Specimen of Ox Shoeing, 2 00 1 00 SLAUGHTERED MEATS, HAMS, DRIED AND SMOKED MEATS. Specimen of Boef, 1 50 1 00 Specimen Mutton, 1 00 75 Specimeu Ham, 1 50 I 00 Specimen dried or smoked meat, 1 00 75 DOMESTIC DEPARTMENT. — Manufactures IsJ Class. Woolen Carpet, I 50 50 Rag Carpet, 75 50 Linen, (10 yards) 75 50 Flannel, 75 50 Bed Quilt, 1 00 50 Couuterpanc, 1 00 50 Specimen woolen yarn, 60 25 Specimen iinen thread, 50 25 Woolen socks or stockings, 50 25 LiDen hose, 50 25 Woolen mittens or gloves, 50 25 Wooleu Blanket, 75 60 Manufactures —2nd Class. Sbirt, 50 25 Set Undextleovca, 50 Ist premium. .2d pre. Infants Dress, 50 25 Cap or Collar, 50 25 Specimen Millinery Work, 1 00 "50 Specimen Mantaumakers work, 1 00 50 Ma nu facta res—3rd Class. Worsted table cover, 75 50 Lamp Mat, worsted, 50 25 Worsted Flowers, vase, 50 25 Specimen worsted embroidery, 75 50 Specimen silk embroidery, 75 50 Specimen ornamented work, chair, 50 25 Specimen Embroidery, slippers, 50 25 Largest best variety crotchet work 1 00 75 Lot Tidies, 50 25 I Specimen fancy kuitting, 50 25 Manufactures —4th Class. Specimen of Leather Work, 50 25 Specimeu Wax Work, 50 25 | Ornamented Box or Case, 50 25 ! Largest best variety fancy articles, 100 75 j Domestics Productions.—oth Class. Wheat bread, one loaf, 75 50 j Rye Bread, do 75 50 Sponge Bake, do 75 50 : Pouud Cake, do 75 50 | Fruit Cake, do 75 50, j Variety of Preserved Fruits, 75 50 Variety of Jellies, 75 50 Variety of Pickles, 50 25 i Specimeu domestic wine, Gaape, 50 , do do . Currant, 50 Variety of wiues—3 kinds, 75 00 : Washing Soap, 50 25 Largest and best collection of ar ticles in this class not enumer ated, I 00 75 Paintings, Drawings, Books, k (-c. i Painting in Oil Colors, Diploma 50 Painting iu Water Colors, Diploma GO i Monochromatic Paintings, Diploma 50 j Specimen of Photographs, Diploma 50 Specimen Daguereotypes, Diploma 50 ; Largest best collection paintings, 1 00 75 Pencil Drawings, - Diplotna 50 Specimen Bookbinding, D'nia- 1 00 I DIPLOMAS AND C'ERFII ICARES OF MEL-IT will be awarded upon the rccoumiendatiyn of the Judging Committees, to any article on exhibi : tion not embraced in the foregoing list. Competitors for premiums or graiu aud all ; other field crops will observe the following rules : Ist. The quantity of land specified for each crop, must be measured iu oue piece. • 2d. When grain, the eutire crop upon the 1 land specified, must be measured, mid one , , bushel weighed aud exhibited at the fair. When lloot crops, the entire crop mast be I measured, and at least live bushels of each, I (a greater quantity preferred) of an average quality, must be exhibited at the fair. 3d. The loregoing must be certified to by ; three respectable disinterested persons in writ | iD 2- I Competitors for premiums on miieii cows | will observe the following rules : Ist. The time of the trial to be the first ten I of August, aud the first ten days of Septem- I bcr. 2d. A statement to he made, and certified ! to iu writing by one disinterested person, eon | rersaat with the facts, of the age and breed of | the cow, the time of calving ; the quantity of ! milk iu weight and also of butter made during each period of ten days. Early publication will be made of the gen eru! rules of the Fair, and the time of holding the same. It is believed that our coming exhibition, will be the largest and most interesting ever held by the Society. Extensive preparations j will be made for exhibiting every article known to the productive industry of our Country. It is hoped and believed that the friends of the Society throughout the County, will exert themselves iu preparing and urging others to prepare, for this great annual Festi- 1 val of our farmers and mechanics. By order of the Executive Committee. W. C. BOG ART, Sec. A HUMOROUS INCIDENT. —A laughable inci dent occurred recently, not many miles from 1 Dansvillc, the circumstances of which are re lated by the Daily Herald of that village, as follows : An old gentleman farmer, who had two handsome daughters, was so cautious of his charge that he would not permit them to keep the company of young men. However, ' they adopted the following expedient to enjoy the company of their lovers. After the old man had retired to rest, the girls would hang a sheet out of the window, and the beaux would seize hold of it and with the assistance ! of his lady love who tugged lustily above would thus gain entrance. It so happeued that oue evening the girls hung out the sheet too early, for the old gentleman, by some ill wind, was accidentally around the corner, and spying the sheet, could not conjecture the , meaning of its being there. So he caught hold ; and endeavored to pull it down ; the girls sup posing it to be ouo of their fellows began to 1 hoist, and did uot discover the mistake uutil the old man's head was le.vel with the window sill, when one of them exclaimed, " Oh, Lord 1 it's dad 1" and, letting go the sheet, down eame 1 tho old gentleman ou the ground, dislocating 1 one shoulder, which convinced him that to make old maids of his daughters was a matter not so easily accomplished ; and withdrew all further opposition to their keeping company, and he was 6oon a father in law. " ' MASTER FOR ONCE.— An unfortunate marri ed man was very ill-used by his Xantippo—he was even treated with an occasional thrashing. His friends rallied him upon this, and at last spurred him on tho declare that he would make an effort to be master. One day net long after I his better half was so furious that ho found ( himself compelled to seek shelter under the table. Just at this moment the voices of bis ' friends were heard in the passage. " Come oat—como out!" cried the wife, fearful of an j exposure. " No—no I" cried the husband, in ( triumph ; "come out—indeed— uot I niihow c for once that I am r:z:':r \ ; VOL. XXI. —INO. 7. [From the LaSalle (111.) l'resj.j A Short Sermon to " Douglas Worship pers,'' BV WHANO DOODLE. Ami Jevout men carried Stephen to his burial, and made great lamentation ov-r him.—Acts viil. 2. My dear Douglas brethren : I intend to talk to you at this time, about the folly and sinfulness of worshipping man. The heathen bow to images of wood and stone, and some worship unclean beasts. Hut we of this gen eration have been guilty of the meanest idol atry of all in worshipping a little lump of cor rupt flesh aud blood, called Stephen, now de funct. A fev: weeks ago, when we ladened our vessels with rum and whisky for oar breth ren, who were sent as missionaries to the port of Charleston, in the foreign land cf South Carolina, to preach the gospel of Dred Scott and Popular Sovereignty and gave them gold and silver wherewith to buy their bread and meat, our departed friend was full of promise, aud high uplifted as the god of Democracy, aud all who would fall down and worship him should have their reward. Put, alas 1 our brethren have returned to us with nothing but his unseemly carcass. " And devout mrn car ried Stephen to his burial, and made great lam entation over him " And it came to pass, when our chief priests and elders were gathered together in conven tion at Charleston, that many of tho heatheu of that region would not fall down and wor ship our golden calf. And we said unto theui they were wrong ; that the golden calf would grant them many indulgences ; he would give them Hour bon whi-ky, apple jack aud red eye as beverages, and had promised nine hundred and ninety thousand foreign missions, post offices and custom houses and take five hun dred old fogies into his cabinet. Hut all this would not avail. Xury a bowel of compassion could be moved within them, and therefore our brethren returned unto us " And devout men carried Stephen to his burial, and made great lamentation over him." And the disciples of Stephen spake unto them, saying, that they did not care whether nigger j were voted upside down, or downside up, it made no difference. But they were re bellious,'and declared that we must get the nigger out of the fence' aud protect them ia '.he Territories where there are no fences ; but we couldn't do it. We referred them to Free port, where Stephen spake of " unfriendly leg gisinticu," but they didn't care a red lor the Police Magistrate of the Territories, but would , pasture their niggers there, on Uncle Snm'a farm. They wouldn't let us put a fence of un friendly legislation aroutid tl.cm aud because we wouldn't give the niggers pasture, they waxed with wrath, and Stephen gave op tho ghost. " And devout men carried Stephen to lus burial, atid made great lamentation over him." In vain-' cur brethren promised to erect a false bottomed platform, to delude the heathen with tricks of legerdemain. Oh, the " irre pressible conflict !'•' It squeezed our poor lit tle Stephen so hard, that gout nor influenza need trouble him more. They cast rocks upon him. The lions roared at him. The eagle " quivered his tail at him iu proud defiance." Old Buck shook his horn at him. The niggers shook their wool and laughed at him, because the''R iil-umnlerreceived more votes troia j. Suckers than he did. And our one hundred and fifty-two ar.cf a half brethren slood by and saw him crashed out, and bewailed their empty pockets, and the loss of the good things promised them. " And devout men carried Stephen to his bicri.il, cud made great lamcnta i lion orer him." And now, in conclusion", my dear Douglas brethren, I know it is hard for us to believe that Stephen is suufl'cd up. Wo canuot real ize it. But it is even so. We never shall be hold his coat tail dragging on the ground any more, Its beautiful folds have been wrapped around his wounded seat of honor, and he has been lain at rest. The " irrepressible conflict" has dealt him a smasher on the nob, and his voice will no longer charm us with the beauti ful song of Popular Sove Therefore cease your blubbering of Stephen. There is yet hope of salvation for ns. There is a plank still left for ns poor shipwrecked sinners to cling to. Our brethren north and south already stand upon it. Though the heathen have denounced it es a relic of barbarism, yet : our elders in the great council of the nation say it is a good one. We will go to that land of blessed saints in Utah, where it is fenced in and shout for old Mrs. Polly Gamy. There, reposing on her bosom, we will bury nil our sorrows for the immaculate Stephen, who was so shamefully martyred at Charleston Let him rot in peace. Farewell, then, to poor old Stephen, The famous Charleston martyr ; For ho lied so, we couldn't believe Uiin, And we won't go tumbling after. Thus, you see, I liavo quoted the Dutch poet, and he will close with the words of the text, " Aud devout men carried Stephen to his burial, and made great lamentation over him."' Amen. The choir will please siug that good old sockdology, of " Possum up a gum tree,"while a coilcction is beiug taken up for the bem fit of our late missionaries to Charleston. The young lady who saw a baby with out kissing it has acknowledged that ber friend's bonnet is handsomer than her owa. feaT" Said Tom : " Since I have been aboard I have eaten so much veal that T am ashamed to look a calf iu the face !" " I s'pose theu." said a wag, who was present, " you &havo without a glass !" ttjjr " Mr. C. has spoken ill of you," said a gossip to his friend, a mau who thoroughly un derstood the world. " That astonishts me, - ' was his reply : " I have never rendered htoi any service.'' 65*- A coaplo of wild girls have been ar rested in C for mdnlging in the amusements of breaking their ueigbbors'windows. They no dcabt thcugbt with Pope—'' lis womau'r-part to ease CM of bia juries.'' ,
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers