Mje Bigpftlj. ESTABLISHED FEBRUARY 8, 1S4S Vol. !. No. 1SJ Entered at Pittsburg Postofflce November, 15S7. a second-class matter. Business Office Corner Smithfield and Diamond Streets. News Rooms and Publishing House 78 and So Diamond Street, in New Dispatch Building. T.A'TTn-S Al)VKKTTSnCOFrirE. ROOM 78. TRIBUNE BUIT.PIXR. NTTW YORK, where com plete flies orTHEDISPATCH can alwavs be round. Foreign advertisers arreclate the convenience. Home advertisers and friends ofTHK Disr A.,H. hUelnlewYork. are also made welcome. TBEDISFATCHUreoidarltonsaleat nrentana's. f Union Sqvarc, ." lork, and C Ave OtPOtMra. rant. Prance, when anyone who hat been Ouap remted at a hotel newt tiand can obtain t. TEKMS OF THK UISPATCH. TOSTAGE mi IN TDK UNITED STATES. rAILTDTsrATCn. One Year I J Daily Dispatch. Per Quarter M DilLT DisrATcn. One Month 70 Daily Dispatch. Including Sunday, lyear.. 10 00 Dailt D16PATCH, Including Sunday, Sm'ths, 1E0 Daily Hifpatch. Including bundar, 1 m'th.. 90 SrsDAY Dispatch. One Year -. 150 VEratir Di3PATrn. One Year 1 SS The Daily KisrATCH Is delivered by carriers at ;i cents per week, or. uiciudiujt Sunday EdlOon. at I cent per W(H. ITlTslSUKG. FRIDAY. AUGUST 5. ivz. TWELVE PAGES DEMOCRATIC SHAMS. As a party of shams the free traders cap the climax. Under stress of misrepre sentations of the results of protection they secured a majority in the Fifty-second Congress, pledged to sweep away high tariffs. Side by side with their pictures of the calamities to follow the McKinley bill the party painted in glorious colors the excessive expenditures of the Fifty-first Congress, and undertook to show the country an example of scrupulous economy. It kept its pledges by passing some half dozen bills nibbling off corners here and there from the protective tariff, and gave every evidence that it would have lacked courage even to do that unless convinced that a protective Senate would uullfy its action. For the rest, the Democrats oc cupied their time with buncombe speeches on the evils of wastefulness, while even their most rigid economizers readily suc cumbed to the temptation of log-rolling. Already this Congress has surpassed the appropriations of its predecessor for the same period of its existence. Yet, not satisfied with that record, it adds insult to injury by supplementing its useless ex travagance by cheese-paring in a case of necessity where its parsimony endangers national credit Its members already bhow a disinclination to regard its latest and most radical expressions of opinion, and the country is confronted by a party with audacity enough to ask for the sui Irages of the people on a declaration of opinions that it has shown its ability to disregard. Nothing could be much worse for the country thin the tree trade piank of the Chicago Convention. But there is one thing worse, and that is the utter unrelia bility that comes from an absolute disre gard of past pledges in the history of the party. DEMOCRATIC PROGRESS IN ENGLAND. Lord Chief Justice Coleridge, of Eng land, delivered a judgment yesterday that will live long for the straightforward em phasis of its language. A workman had brought suit against the Duke of Rutland because his gamekeepers blocked a high way while driving grouse. During the evidence it transpired that the plaintiff was knocked down by the gamekeepers on the public road and that on appealing to the Duke's son, Lord Edward Manners, he was told to get off the earth and warned that if he were shot his life would be on his own head. "Manners maketh man" is an ancient English motto that this sprig of nobility would do well to study that he may make his conduct tally better with the laws of the land. There is such evident injustice on the defendant's side, so far as can be judged from the briefly cabled report, that it is difficult to understand how the action came under the notice of the Chief Justice at alL But the scattering remarks with which Lord Coleridge accompanied his deliverance warrant the assumption that lordly sportsmen will henceforward show a greater regard for public rights than characterized the performance of Lord Edward Manners in this instance. As the Chief Justice remarked: "The days of high-handed interference with the rights of the people have passed, and, if the Duke .cannot conduct his shootings without med dling with the right of the public to use the. highway, he must elect other places to hold his battues." There are still too many laws on the English statute books that favor the titled at the expense of the commoner. And until these are repealed it is at least satis factory to know that nobility, so-called, will not be allowed to transgress sucli laws as do exist to put a limit on their arrogant assumption. A FRANK AVOWAL, A remarkable statement concerning the relations of the wholesale and retail liquor dealers with New York politics has just been made public. The assertion does not come from any impracticable from the liquor point of view tem perance advocate; nor is it made by the hated mugwumps. It is in the organ of the liquor trade, the Wine and Spirit Ga zette, that the following striking view of political morals in connection with the liquor trade is presented. In former times, under the old ballot law which made traud at the polls easier, the at tempt has been repeatedly made to use the condition or bondage in which many saloon keepers are lielij by the brewers and whole salers for political purposes.aud the brewers especially have largely traded on the polit ical Influence which they were thus gap posed to possess. But matters have changed. The new ballot law has made it very dlfflult to con ttol the votes of others. The saloon keepers, though they may be the vassals of theirmortgageorsintbemanagementof their business, have learned to know that their votes are their own nnder the new ballot law, and have begun to feel their political independence. This frank statement of the functions of the liquor trade in politics, made by the organ of that business, has a double in terest In the first place, it displays a commercial interest avowedly run on the lines of selling its political influence. The brewers and wholesalers are alleged to have kept the saloonkeepers in bondage for purposes of political trading. The ex act consideration of the trade does not matter so long as the portrayal of this in terest offering itself in the political mar ket is vouched for by its own organ. There is some mitigation -in the other branch of the assertion that the new bal lot law in New York has weakened the solidity of this commercial element in New York politics. This is an unexpected testimony to the efficiency of that by no means perfect enactment But the force of the testimony is considerably weakened by the further assertion of the organ of the liquor trade that political managers have now got to deal with the retailers. If wholesalers sannot make sure that re tailers deliver the goods how can political managers obtain the desired guarantee? We should bo glad to believe both classes of trading are shut out; hut we fear there is little assurance of the sort The polit ical influence of the saloons will be valued by the general results, not by Individual votes; and the saloonkeepers who do not satisfy their mortgage proprietors of the wholesale trade by carrying their pre cincts will be liable -to disciplinary meas ures. The salient feature of the avowal by the organ of the liquor interest of its presence In politics, organized for the pur pose of bargain and sale, suggests volumes of reflection for thoughtful people. ' A CONCLUSIVE COMPARISON. While free trade advocates are struggling with the showing made by the Senate in vestigation into wages and the price of living, another and even tougher nut is pre sented for them to crack. A claim is possible that a comparison for a period of two or three years is not conclusive as to the general average; but comparisons of the course of prices and wages for thirty years leaves no room for dispute. This comparison has been recently made. The decline in prices in all articles enter ing into the cost of living, since the last year of a revenue tariff has been 21 per cent If wages remained stationary this would be equal to giving every workman earning 5600 per year an advance of 5144 in the purchasing power of his wages. But wages have not remained stationary. On the contrary they are now 30 to CO per cent higher than they were in 1860. Combining the advance of wages with the decline in cost of living, it means that the purchas ing power of the wages of the American workman is now nearly double what they were at the close of the revenue tariff svstem. It is to be noted that, as the New York Tribune says: The workers of this country expend a large proportion of their gains through the cheapening of products in obtaining greater comforts, better homes, betterliving, more wholesome food, more desirable clothing and better educa tion. They live better in every respect than they lived thirty years ago, in part because protection has enabled them to command larger wages in money, but in pare because the cheapening of products has given to every dollar the buyingpower that about 51 30 formerly possessed. This is a gigantic fact, whatever ex planations may be offered for it Doubt less the increase in machinery, the bugbear of the shallower Socialists, has had much to do with It But the fact that in this improvement the United States has led the world, proves that protection has not pre vented the cheapening of the cost of life by machinery, but has rather stimulated it at the same time that it has advanced the wages of the working class. PARLIAMENTS OPENTNG. The formal opening of the British Par liament took place yesterday. But noth ing of moment will transpire in its pro ceedings until the amendment to the Queen's speech is offered on Monday. Then will begin the struggle between the opposing forces. Gladstone's majority is so slim and of such heterogeneous nature that the greatest tact and skill will pe necessary to keep it in line. The least slip would make defeat imminent, and cause a fri'sh appeal to the ballot boxes. The chief danger of such an appeal lies in Gladstone's advanced age. For, albeit he is a wonderful old man, with an un rivaled intellect and a physical energy cal culated to put many a younger man to shame, nature's laws cannot be overrid den, and his preservation can hardly be hoped for much longer. The defeat of a home rule measure at this time, therefore, would mean more than a brief postpone ment, since there is no man fitted to suc ceed the Grand Old Man and rally the Liberal forces as he does. Latest esti mates point to the possibility of passing a home rule bill. But it will be a tight squeeze at best, and an early dissolution would cause surprise nowhere. THE CHURCH BLAMED AGAIN. Yesterday the Rev. Lewis A. Banks, of Boston, delivered a lecture on the tene ment house evil at Bound Lake, New York. He went even further than Dr. Bainesford did at Chautauqua the other day in condemning the Church for its neg lect and mistakes in dealing with this mat ter. Overcrowding is one of the conditions of the times most urgently calling for amelioration, and the increased attention it is attracting is the only offset to its growing importance as a social, moral and political menace. The key to the lecturer's remarks is found in his statement of the advisability and even necessity of setting about saving wretched bodies in seeking to reclaim mis erable souls. This is to all practical pur poses the modern doctrine of the Salva tion Army, and the slum settlements in London, Boston, New York and all large cities where earnest men are seeking to elevate their fellows by methods outside the cut and dried lines of antiquated or thodoxy. New conditions demand new systems, and city life at the close of the nineteenth century cannot have too many men like Banks, of Boston, and Baines ford, of New York. STRANGE SUICIDES. Suicides are admittedly a peculiar sec tion of humanity, and they generally ap pear in larger force than usual when the thermometer gets over-excited. But all former reasons for suicide are surpassed by those alleged for two cases within the last week. A day or two ago a St Louis girl of eighteen summers took her own life because she was "the soul of honor," and could not consent to live with a father who refused to pay his grocery bills. It is presumable that if there were any method in this madness it lay in the ex pectation that the parent would not only be conscience stricken by his daughter's desperate deed, but would also be in a better position to meet his liabilities when relieved from the responsibility of pro viding food, clothing and lodging for this filial sensitive soul of honor. This is a somewhat far-fetched system of reasoning, but it is surpassed by the case reported from Dayton, Ohio, of the aged, miser who hanged himself on Tues day. It seems that the defunct gentleman had made about a quarter of a million dollars by neglecting his personal appear ance and collecting garbage and slops to feed his stock withal But he had a daughter who had secured cultured feel ingssupposedly by means of an educa tion paid for by the proceeds of the slop gathering industry and this culture led her to consider cleanliness and retirement from this mendicant profession of more importance for her father than the further accumulation of wealth. An expression of her wishes, however, bo incensed the paternal relative that he straightway put his neck within a noose and passed out of hearing of further complaints. Surely he died rather of a broken heart than of hanging, for there is no mention of any disinheritance of his daughter, and she must now be free to enjoy his hoarded wealth m all the surroundings of cultured respectability. From these two cases it is evident that reasons for self-destruction are not far to seek if sought at all, and that this is the age when parents wishing to prolong their lives and .those of their offspring will do well to obey their children and particu larly their daughters. The Chinese exclusion bill was no doubt passed to exclude the Chinese, but it does the race of photographers a good tarn by the way, as all Celestial residents are obliged to supply three photographs of themselves when signing the certificates al lowing them to remain on the American earth. World's Fate officials appear to have made np their minds that starvation on half a loaf will be less painful than starva tion on no bread at all. Hallioan, of the Baltimore team, seems better fitted to play the rowdy bully than to play ball. He broke this Captain's Jaw on Tuesday night, ana It remains to be seen whether public opinion and the powers that be will consent to bis appearance in the field again as a League player. There is some talk of an absorption of Newfoundland by Canaaa.but the Dominion already has more territory than It can make a business success of. Op course the "World's Fair has become a matter of national importance and de mands national aid, but incidentally the Democratic party in Illinois will have a good deal of trouble in explaining why the Democratic House refused proper assist ance. It is a wise son that knows his own father, and the most scientiflo of astron omers has much to learn about Mars. So few States are now destitute of a Chautauqua of their own for at least a week or two of the summer that a constitutional amendment making such a possession a sine qua non for the enjoyment of rights of State hood is almost to be expected in the future. The usefulness of a woman's pocket handkerchief diminishes as it approaches the fashionable style. That Cooler gang knows its business well enough to stop short of laying claim to any of the public offices of Fayette ounty. And no doubt that discretion is a part of the reason for the respect and freedom from molestation which the marauders enjoy. A seashobe baby parade is as prolific of jealousy and contention as any political convention. FROM the number of letters Mayor Ken nedy has received favoring the issue of bonds to improve Allegheny, it is evident that the city paving would already be in ex cellent condition if good resolutions were the only material necessary. Whether the deadlock in the House is mora unseemly than ridiculous is an open question. It is entirely in keeping with the wonted perversity of inanimate nature that there should be somewhat of a boom in natural gas wells at a season when the public is making itself warm in efforts to keep cool. Train robberies will soon have to be listed among the staple products of Call fornia. Cleveland has mistaken his vocation in becoming onco again a candidate lor the Presidency, when he is so much better fitted for the office of public letter writer even if it should have to be created for his benefit. This is the season at which the pedestrian realizes the beneficence of the private hose pipe. The new British Parliament has been opened amid much Liberal enthusiasm, but It will have to make lots of hay while the sun shines, as its life is likely to be very short. Tennis players cannot consistently com plain that it is too hot to work. Gas wells are like legal witnesses in that a cood deal can frequently be got out of them, after they have shown signs of ex haustion, by a process of judicious pumping. When the householder is away the bur glar is at play. It is hardly surprisitg to hear that Sena tor Colquitt's right side is paralyzed, when it is generally understood that that is what is the matter with Congress as a whole. Filibusteeees ought to be marooned. INTERNATIONAL INNINGS. The Duke of Manchester had a relapse yesterday morning and is now in a critical condition. Walter Besant, the English novelist, was intended by his parents for the Church, but he turned naturally to literary work. Prof. John Fiske has returned from his Alaska trip to settle down, at his Cam bridge home, to the compilation of a new textbook of American history. The condition of Senator Colquitt does not improve. Mrs, Colquitt is now with her hnsband, and she Intends to move him to some health lesort as soon as possible. Premier Abbott, of Canada, was at tacked with faintness and became insensible at his desk yesterday afternoon. The doc tors say he will soon rally, but he must re frain from work. General OLIVER L. Spatjldino, As sistant Secretary of the Tieasury, who has been making a tour of Europe, sailed from Southampton for New Toik on the steamer Spree yesterday. William T. Adams (Oliver Optic) has written altogether more than 100 books for boys, and is now busy at work with another. Mr. Adams is 70, but well enough preserved to last lor 30 years to come. Andrew D. White, Minister to Russia, was in Syracuse yesterday afternoon, and said: "I have just accepted the position, and my present intention is to leave for St. Petersburg on August 17." General Hastings will leave Liver pool next Saturday on his way home. He will shortly after his arrival take the stump for Harrison and Beid, speaking in New York, New Jersey, Maine and Pennsylvania. Dr. Thomas Arnold, one of the Fel Iowb of the Royal University of Ireland, en joys the double distinction of being the son of Dr. Arnold, of Rugby, and the, father of Mrs. Humphrey Ward. He is an earnest Roman Catholic Count AlexanderKutousow, nephew of Count Leo Tolstoi, but by no means a be liever in bis famous uncle's socialistic theories, is staying at Washington in the course of a Journey through this conntry. Count Kutousow Is a man of SO years, with swarthy skin and dark eyes. He was partly educated in England and sjjeaks English, French and German fluently. No Need lor Extra Help. ChlesroMalU It is not expected that additional time keepers will be necessary to keep the time Senator Hill works for Cleveland. . It Looks .That Way. New York Commercial Advertiser. A Republican Congress, will support the next President, and that President will be Benjamin Harrison. A LOOK AROUND. A game of billiards 'was in progress yesterday, and the man who lead was left handed. It struck me, as it has often be fore, that left-handed men are usually more expert at such games, or at things which re quire accuracy and deftness, than their right-handed brethren. I wonder if It is be cause they require their weakness early In life an d take a greater degreejof trouble to do things went Chicago seems to have aroused an ugly spirit by the manner in which she treated people who attended the Democratic Con vention, and it is sure to hurt her concerning tfie World's Fair. There was too much rob bery to suit the public When it comes to hotels charging $100 a day for a room con taining five beds, it is time to call a halt. It is understood that there is a strong probability that Mrs. Schenley will agree to donate a considerable addition to the park, provided the City will buy about the same acreage at a fair charge This will add a great deal of attractive scenery to the park and permit some delightful additions to be made to the drives. I'm sick of all the noises of the people on the street, The dy s are full of weariness, the air is full or heat; The street car bells are jangling and the wagons rumble by, And the fever of the city seems burning my brain dry. I wi3li I was afishing below old Struther's dam, And waiting for the lunch to come with Struther's boy, young Sam; I don't suppose there is a fish within a half a mile, And fishing in that long, dark pool is noth ing if not guile But oh! to feel the wind float by from further up the pines, And see it stir the water and rumple up the vinesl And oh! to catch tho perfume of the new leaves of those trees! I wonder if that sweetness is beyond tho reach of bees? And to teol the soft, deep oushion of the dead leaves and the moss, And to listen to the sighing of the forest for some loss; To hear that saddening sighing that has fallen in soft waves Upon the ears in long-gone years of dusky maids and braves. To see pure, deep laurel cups and smelly honeysuckle; To puff the smoke fromabrlerpipe and take a quiet chuckle. To think of those who stew and swear and call for iced champagne, And try to find a breath of air and try it all in vain; To hear the swashing ripples against the mossy stones, And wonder if you'll see to-night that dark eyed girl of Jones', Who came along at twilight and said she looked for cows In a scanty skirt of homespun and dark blue flannel blouse. To feel you might write verses if you only had a pen. And are glad you have not got one for the sake of fellow men; To lie beneath that greenery and catch a glimpse of blue, x To thank God you are living and have not a thing to do. Phewlaflshing and a wishing are sometimes close akin, But there's work to-night and copy's short and I must now Degln. I found some figures in the City En gineer's office yesterday in regard to streets and sewers which give some faint idea of what has been accomplished within a com paratively few years. It seems thatwe have in Pittsburg at this time about 165 miles of paved streets, of which nearly 50 miles are new, that is. were finished within a short time compared with the age of the city. There are about 50 miles of proposed streets. The citv contains 27.C5 square miles and the parks 703 acres. There are 2-25 miles of streets opened, 100 miles of sewers laid, of which 21 miles" are brick and 79 pipe sewers. There are 38 miles of steam railway tracks, 18 miles of electric railway tracks and 15 miles of cable tracks witnin the city. The frontage on the Allegheny river is 42,500 feet, on the Monongahela, north side, 43.500, and on the south side 26,000. These figures, so far as they go, are official. It is proposed next year to prepare a table for the En gineer's report showing exactly how much street making has been done and what it has cost. The Coroner's jury has decided that the Homestead act is illegal. Still this will not prevent settlement. Where are the inhabitants at least many of them? Go ask the railway and steamship passenger agents, the excursion managers, tho smiling proprietors of the seaside and hill resorts, and you'll get a quick answer. Truly the town is stripped of a goodly number of familiar faces. The summer hogira is at Its top notch, and tho movement will not cease until tho nights grow long and chilly. But the bronzed faces are more numerous than usual at this season, too. The outing at Homestead put the tan on many manly cheeks, and the recall of a portion of the soldier boys has left with us a goodly num ber who wear the badge of seaside service. Still judging from the deserted ap pearance of the public places it is safe to conclude that Pittsburg has added more than its usual quota to the rest and pleasure seeking throngs this sea son. 'Walteb. No Chance for Filibustering. Cleveland Leaner. Had Reed's rules, about which the Demo crats made such a howl two years ago, been in force during the last ten days in this chaotic Democratic Honse they would have saved the country $150,000. Voters will do well to make a note of this fact. DEATHS HEKB AND ELSEWHERE. Robert B. Patterson. Bobert H. Patterson, one of the oldest and best known citizens in Allegheny county, is dead. Mr. Patterson was a brother of the late Body Patterson, and an uncle of the Hon. Thomas M. Marshall His first place of business was on First avenue, below Smithfield. where he remained until 1860, when lie erected a large llverv stable at comer of Cherry and Diamond streets. At tne out break of the war he organized a cavalry company of PIttsburgers which served during the war as Company G of the Maryland Union Cavalry. In the early seventies Mr. Patterson represented the Second ward in Common Council, and In 1872 and 1875 was a candidate on the Democratic ticket for Sheriff of Allegheny county, but was defeated by Messrs. Hare and Fife, respectively. His next Bolltlcal contest was in 188A when he tan for oronerand was defeated by Dressier, but when the latter died Governor Paulson appointed Mr. Patterson to serve out the unexpired coronial term. William Reese, Centenarian. William Reese, aged 104, died at his home at Bolivar Wednesday night. He was born In Wales and came to tills conntry in 1832. He was tbe founder of the fire brick works at Bolivar. Obituary Notes. Leopold Mueller, the celebrated painter, riled In Vienna to-day. Many of his pictures had been purchased by Americans of culture. JOHN Hammond, the theatrical manager who was wounded In a Detroit saloon affray a short time ago, died In Cincinnati yesterday. Ex-Senatok Mahcos A. Fulton died yester day at Hudson, Wis., or apoplexy, aged S3. He was widely known'as an advocate of free surer coinage. Ex-Jddoz John H. Pbice died at his home, near Darlington. Md.. Wednesday. He was elected Judge or the Sixth Judicial Circuit of Mary land In 1805, serving ten years. Theodobk Stubois, treasurer of the New Jersey Zinc and Iron Company, and a prominent figure for a quarter of a century In the Iron trade of the country, died In Brooklyn, Tuesday night. He was 63 years old. John P. Bigelow fell dead of heart disease In London. Monday night, as he was enterlne his residence. He was formerly the American Gov rrnment's.llscal agent in London. The body will be cremated Saturday. John Kbottschnitt. German Consul at New Orleans, died Wednesday, aged 80 years. Mr. Kruttschnltt was a native or Wurtemberg, Ger many, but moved to New Orleans in 1837 and en gaged In commercial business, FEMININE FIELDS. Pastures Green That Await Pittsburg's Pair Creatures Drugs Made Delicious When Doled Out by Their Dainty Bands Choice Nuggets of Current News. "I intend to put women iu as many de partments, as I can." said a druggist yester terday. "Many women wonld buy more if there was a lady attendant to wait upon them. I don't know," and his eye twinkled, "if a woman would select powder from a woman; for, you see, every woman seems to regard herself as a general detec tive of tho whole sex, and too often the tongue begins where the eye leaves off. and a pretty kettle of gossip starts abolling. On general principles, female clerks, however, are a desideratum, and to prove to you that I am not merely talking, let me tell yon, I shall fill every position of care with a woman, who either is experienced or shows herself willing to learn. If she comes in here with kid gloves on though, off they'll go in a hustle, and if she's timorous at the sight of work, I'm afraid we'll part company." This is the composition of a drug clerk for the year 1892: Painstaking, good natured, quick and retentive memory, tactful, able to rise to an emergency, understand bad as well as good English, know how todlstin- Sulsh in tbe dark between the dialect or a ominlcan negro of the Northwest crtrner and that'of his brother of the Southwest, capable or talking or taking babies through their second summer or octogenarians through their ninety-second winter, if need be know the stylos in opera bonnets, and likewise be' authority on the latest ap proved method for saving the soul, also the complexion. Over ail this is to be worn a coating of humility. Great BIches In a Good Memory. If ypu have ever' thought before that a good memory is great riches to a drug clerk, recall how many colloquialisms there are and how dearly the people dote upon them. There is, the familiar boneset herb of our grandmothers, and the drug clerk 'may De asked tor it by 13 diffeient names, including the Latin, French and German terms. If boneset is not the familiar word, it may be thoroughwort, ague weed, sweating plant, foverwort, vegetable antimony, crosswort, durchwachseuer wasserhaut, eupatolre per centile and eupatorium perfoliatum. The drugirist believes in a feminine ver sion of "All men are liars." He thinks a woman would falsify a pound's worth to gain a penny, and unfortunately his asser tion nas a stouter pair of legs to stand upon than such statements have in general. The most modest trick ot the fair sex, when she enters as a tyro upon this course of whole sale lying, is tonsk for 5 cents worth and then demand tho price. She is quite sure her eyes will ttansflx thedrugman, and sear his common sense into permitting him to make a declaration that he never charges more than 3 cents for a nickel's worth. Then here is a field for a woman with her nineteenth century appetite for re form! She knows the belladonna falsity of those andaluslan eyes, and stoutly takes a dime.giving back a nickel in change, and a light one it sho can; for a woman believes in retaliation as fervently as she does not be lieve In her own sex. When a woman comes into a drug shop, it is noticeable that she invariably brings all herdearllttleaffectatlouH with her. Probably she thinks they will be accepted as part payment of the bill, which will be reduced accordingly. Woman's Wars While Snopplnc. "AM good morning Mr. Smith. Tonr medicine is so good, you see I have finished it and I want the bottle filled again with exactly the same dear sour stuff. This is a delicious jutube of flattery 1 While the order is being executed, every perfnme bottle within reach is uncorked, to the accompani ment of the following conversation: "Is this a new perlumeT"' "Don't you give samples?" "The lilac isn't as pretty as what Mr. Jones has; he gave me a whole bottle the other evening." "Do you present your good customers with new perluine it tliey promise to advertise itt" By this time the prescription is filled and the druggist says, "50 cents ma'am, if you please." "Why Mr. Smith, you only charged me 40 cents for the last bottle you filled." "Then, my dear madam, you owe me 10 cents; for this always costs halT a dollar." Hastily, Madam, since she sees that her fib is apt to hurt more thau help her pocket, re members that it did originally cost 50 cents. Sho never blushes. Kather.sne assumes a hurt-the-feelings-of-your-best-customersand I-don't-tbink-ril-deal-bere-a:ain expression, while she reluctantly gives over that half dollar bit, especially the part where she thinks her ten cents is situated, and then Stokably goes home and tries to teach her ttle children the Decalogne. Pit & woman clerk against this woman herd, and my word for it they'll both come out on top, as the two most injured nieces of creation in existence. A Genius In Paper and String. To poets alone does not belong trio proud distinction of being born instead of made: To put up a neat package is an inherited in stinct. Paper and string are deceiving and look manageable at a distance, but lc takes a tyro months of practice before any real rapidity combined with neatness Is attained. Not satisfied with tbe assurance of an un sichtly result I insisted on a prentice at tempt. It deserves its own paragraph. No sooner was the lycopodlum a tricky sort of a powder that insists upon playing eye-spy laid on the paper than there came a tit or trembling. First Bymptonof the disease of Inability. Then as the paper was being lolded, more correctly ciumpled, the, powder began to ooze out at either end. These ends were seized, while the middle flew open, and the saucy contents liberated, rose in a yellow dust and settled every whete, notably on my nose. This was the end of package mnking. As he threw the ruins away the veracious drusgist laid upon me a firm eye and I could hear my vanity simmering into vapor and disappearing. To understand people when they are unin telligible; to translate the untranslatable; to solve the unsolvable problem; to rise up in wisdom to your customers stupidity, are all commonplace merits of a drug clerk. "A friend recommends the use ofcocossip Jjity for ringworm." Trials of tbe Shopkeeper. "Fill this bottle with corrosive sublimate, John, I have just sold the last ounce." "What did mother tell me to bring hert" and a small boy stands ruefully rubbing the side of his head. "Kid, did you forget what you came fort" says the unelegant hut practical salesman. "That's itl that's it!" delightedly shouts the boy. "Camphor, I came for." And here is what was sent to a drugstore last week. HERB. Ten cents worth of an herb name tanzey for mak ing tea off. These are a few of the trials and the peo ple to whioh a woman would be subjected in a drugstore. And yet, or the people it could be said, "of such are the kingdom of heaven." A new business that has sprung up in the East End since the arrival of a particularly heated variety of weather is the vending of lemonade by the young scions of some of Pittsburg's most aristocratic houses. In several instances the plebeian occupation was carried on under the very patri cian eaves, that is to say, at the entrances to several of the swell private avenues, where a flourishing trade is carried on all day with the relreshlng beverage going at lcent per glass. The passersDy could no mote pass by than they could fly, and oftener left a nickel than a penny. A trade was also struck up with ice men: the barter being ten pounds of ico for an ovoi flowing class of lemonade. There Is but little difference between this class of business and lying on a bed of roses. ' Marion Ceawvord Gallaueo. Society's Gossip. Mas. John K. Murkat, known in the the atrical world as Clara Lane, is spending a short vacation in Pittsburg witn ber people. MissGince Golden Is enacting Miss Lane's role during her absence in the opera company in which Mr. and Mrs. Murray are making a very successful summer tonr. Miss Lane will return to her professional duties in a few days and be actively engaged until September, when the company dls-. bands before the regular winter season. Her iviends say that Aiiss Lane's health is most satisfactory, and that she looks for ward In the greatest possible spirits to the winter's work. Dr.' Tindle's family left yesterday for Lakewood, N. Y. Mr. J. E. Tindle accom panied them, and Miss Huwortli, of Stock ton avenue, who will be the guest of Miss Alice Tindle during the sojourn of the Tin dies at the Lake. Clarence Schmertz, Albert Schmertz and Will Phelan arrived home yesterday from the Cheat Mountain Boserve where they have been fishing for several weeks.' Miss Nannie L. Holmes, of Linden ave nue, Allegheny, is summering at Mackinao Island. Santa Clans to Visit Chlcngo. Boston Herald. 3 There are Indications that Chicago may find that $5,000,000 appropriation In her stocking somewhere about Christmas. ACROSS THE CONTINENT. "You'll see the snow In the morninfr," said the lawyer-miner as we retired on tbe edge of Montana. The day bad been dry and dusty, the coach temperature was moistening tbe cuticle, and the suggestion of winter's chief product at the beginning of July was comforting. So the thought of the snow was the alarm clock that aroused me with the dawn. I shot up the blind from the broad pane and gazed over space to where some white blotches lay be tween the defiles and upon the slopes of black-brown pinnacles that, wedge shaped, penetrated tbe horizon. Soon the sun crept over the crests and their silvery heads grew more and more distinct closer, bnt miles upon miles away. And down at tbe deep-green, grassy feet of the bleak giants red, deep-dyed red, and yellow and blue wild flowers, fed by untainted waters, held up their dewy heads. And over the valley the snow-washed breeze dry, invigorating, life-sustaining swept on to another range and pushed aside tbe mists that hung over its white-capped peaks. And the morning picture was prettier than the work of any painter. And in the absent-mindedness of the scene spring, summer and winter were rolled into one. And in the majesty of tbe hills came the thought of the littleness of human existence. The snow was a constant companion thereafter to the Pacific Tho sight or it was grandest when, after spending a night and nearly the whole of a day over a cheer less sandy waste, a huge mountain white, so white as to be like unto a part and parcel of the fleecy clouds that swathed its summit loomed up far ahead. Tbe late afternoon was clear, and the eye conld take in long stretches that brought the buttes and the foot-hills close to the range of vision. There, 260 miles away so knowing ones averred snow-draped, rugged, grand old Mt. Hauler, the pride of two Washington cities and the peak of peaks of the new Coast State, poked its pure head into the very blue. Only the eye alone can see and the mind alone can contemplate the sublime grandeur of such a long dlstancn view of this magnificent mountain of unde filed snow. When you go to Washineton, tbe home of several snowy peaks and living glaciers, and should you be In Tacoma, call this white monster Mt. Tacoma. When you reach Seattle call it Mt. Hauler. Both cities claim it as their own. "How far is it to the foot-hills yonder?" I asked the irrigation engineer, -whose practiced eye assured me that his guess wonld be about right. "How fart Why. about 20 miles, sir. Deceiving distances here, aren't theyt Tour query reminds me of an anecdote they like to toll to tenderfeet in Colorado. It runs like this: A couple or tourists struck Denver in time to retire early one fine August evening. One was an En glishman, an early riser, and, like mo3t of hU touring countrymen, liked a spin on" Shanks' mare before breakfast a constitutional, you know. Well, he looked out of his hotel window and his vision easily took in the mountains surrounding the city. He decided to walk over to the hills for an appetizer. His companion, who arose later, and who, like myself, was a 'ditcher' and well acquainted with Colorado's deceptive distances, made inquiries, and tbe clerk told him that his friend had set oat in the direction of Long's Peak for a morning stroll. Well, the minutes grew into hours and the anxious one de cided that something must have befallen his walking friend. So he hired a bronco and set out in the direction indicated by tbe hotel clerk. After riding a couple of hours he overtook his English chnm sitting hatless, coatless and vestless beside a ditch, and in the act of taking oft" his shoes. 'What on earth are you doing here?' he exclaimed. 'Doing! Why, blarst my hyes, I'm going to undress and swim this river.' 'River! Why this isn't a river, old boy; it's a ditch an irrigating ditch. Why you can almost jump over it. It's only IS feet wide, sir.' 'Well, I've been walking here for the past four houis, and the blurs ted hills yonder seem no nearor than when I started out. You can Jump the stream if you like, but I propose to swim it, and not take any chances.'" Out in Colorado and other dry-aired dis tricts westward it is not hard to make a tendonoot believe that there's more truth than fiction in this story. Truly the enchantments of distance are brought out fully, forcol nlly and fantastically while spinning through the Western lands where the level, bushy, sandy plain stretches away to the foot-hills. So nearand yet so far their oddly formed crests meet the horizon, and in the setting sun the effects produced on their wind-spun and water woven slopes are past picturing or pencil ing. When tbe sun gees down on a summer day behind those buttes of white and red and brown and yellow stone and sand the mind's eye can fashion what it will from the curious contours outlined beneath the golden halo. Up into the blue, beyond the white, fleecy, odd-shaped clouds, shoot fiery rays. Beyond, a purple background like unto a sea of fire, with ship-shaped mists sailing in and out of enchanted virion's range. In foregiound, level plain that leads to high-walled cities. There, with distance and weird effect feed ing the imagination, domes, spires, pillars, turrets, terraces, all the grandeur of some pictured place of palaces is within tbe eye sweep. Tbe more you gaze the greater and grander the fancy, the clearer the concep tion, the more real the unreal. Geo. A. Madden. MOT A NEW DISCOVEBY. The Moons of Mars Referred to by Voltaire in 1753. To the Editor or The Dispatch: The remarkable paragraph concerning the moons of Mars in Swift's "Gulliver's Trav els" has been often quoted, bnt the follow ing words, written by Voltaire in 1752, in his tale, "Micromegas," are equally curious, al though not so nearly approaching scientiflo exactitude as the great English satirist. Translated the passage Is as follows: "But to return to our travelers. After leaving Jupiter they traversed a space or about 100, 000,000 or leagues, passing near to the planet liars, which, as is well known, is five times smaller than our own small globe; they re marked two moons which accompany this planet, and which have escaped the scru tiny or our astronomers.".I know that Father Castel will write against the existence or these two moons, but I refer to those who reason by analogy. These good philosophers understand how difficult it wonld be for Mars, so lar from the sun, to do with less than two moons." J. B, Williams. PlTTSBDBO, Aug. 4. M'XINLEY IN NEBRASKA. MoKinlet's splendid speech at Beatrice will rouse tbe Nebraska Bepubllcans like a trnmpet-blast. Toledo Blade. McKinlet's speeches in the Northwest are adding thousands to the Bepublican vote in that region every day. St. LouisGlobc-Demo-crat. ' Governor McKinlet has a hearty wel come wherever he speaks. He talks to the point and tells the truth. Sea York Re corder. GovernorMoEinlet's speech in Nebraska, analyzing'the action or the Chicago Conven tion on tbe tariff, was like cold steel sinking into flabby flesh. Cincinnati Tima-Star. Fifteen thousand people greeted Gov ernor McKinley at Beatrice, Neb., and still the Democrats would have us believe that protection and protection's champion are not popular in that part of the country. Cleveland Leader. A SHorrrso tonr, in any American city is an excellent protection argument. Gov ernor McKinley might invite Colonel Mc Clure to that kind of debate if he cares to explode a few hundred free trade flbs. Rochester Democrat. That Governor McKinley's speech was the most effective yet delivered on the tariff in tbe present canvass is beyond question. His claims of vast benefits to the country from the effect of the McKinley law were Dold and sweeping. Chicago Stmt. ' As the battle is to be fought on the line of tariff this fall it is weir that Governor Mc Kinley, who stands as tbe embodiment of the Republican protective policy, shdnld have been selected to throw down trie gange of battlo to the Democraoy. Ohio State Jour- not. CURIOUS CONDENSATIONS. The diameter of Mars is 4,400 miles. Coldwater, Mich., has an "old bacheloi girl club." The clarionet was invented by t German In 1690. The alphabet was brought into Greece from Phoenicia 1493 years B. C. Oregon has adopted the blossom of the wild grape for its State flower. Belgium is declared to be the most in temperate country in Europe. A man in Kentucky has been struck bj lightning four times and is still alive. A pet rattlesnake in Florida com mitted suicide by biting itself in the neck. There are still over 8,000 widows o veterans of the war of 1312 on the peusioi rolls. A Russian physician uses soothin; musical tones as a remedy in nerrout diseases. A sign on a street in Philadelphii reads: "Coal oil, wood, milk and othe notions." Four salmon, weighing from 8 to l: Sounds, were caught in the Hudson rive: ist week. x The combined weight of three peachei seen in a New York market recently wai seven pounds. A straw hat and a linen duster havi been worn for 40 winters by a citizen o Columbia, Mo. The Government of Mexico will ex hibit at tbe World's Fair a rare collectioi of Aztec relics. It costs $2 for a three-minute attemp to carry on a conversation over tbe London Paris telephone line. The old rifle was invented by Whit worth in. 1800, while the new repeating rifli is the work ol Sharp in 184A Captain Davidson, of Detroit, is prob ably the king of the fresh waters. His flee numbers 40 ships and schooners. On the icy peaks of the Himalayas, it India, there is a "snow maggot," weighing nearly a pound, and excellent to eat. Truckee, Uev.t had a shaving contest recently. The successful artist scraped hit man in 45 seconds, and no blood was shed. A Detroit lady over 70 years of age hac a head or hair which turned from white to a jet black the color it was in her girl hood, t TJndergronnd London has 3,000 miles o sewers. 34,000 miles of telegraph wires. 3,20 miles of gas pipes and 4,500 miles of wate. mains. A photographer says that next to babiei youngmarried couples are the most trouble some, the bride especially being hard t please. Iu many of the Italian universities, once the most celebrated in Europe, thi students are so few that there are only foui pupils to every professor. One of the natural curiosities of Asia ii the Great Salt Desert of Persia. It is man 3 miles in extent, and is a solid incrustatjioi of salt several feec thick. Gibbon began the "Decline and Fall 0 the Boman Empire" at 39, and finished it it 12 years. The work of preparation vta really the labor of a lifetime. I A street car in Fitchburg. fitted wit! steel ball bearings as an experiment,ha been run for several months without b ;in oiled since it was first pat in service. There is a frame house iu Lawrei ice Kan., that is 6 feet long, 6 feet wide a id feet high. It has 6 windows with 6 pant :sc glass, and shelters a family of 6 people. Inian newspapers tell of a scloo teacher in Lackharabad who wosattacKe' by a lion and kept the animal at bay witlh . common broom until assistance arrived. 1 The little town ot Cumberland i. Bhode Island boasts of a meeting hou s which was built In 1740. The late Presldei i Garfield's mother worshiped In It in ht ' youth. If this globe were cooled down to V degrees below the zero of centigrade would be covered with a sea of liquefied ga thirty-tive feet deep, or which ahout sever feet would De liquid oxygen. A Canadian customs officer distin guished himself a rew days ago by assessim a Buffalo Sunday school picnic party $9 on ice cream which they took overbite Canada as part of their lunch. The Chinese language is spoken bj 403,000,000, the nindoo bv more than 100,000, C00. the English by about 90,000,000, the Kusslan by 85 000 000. the German by 57,000, 000, and the Spanish by 43.000,000. A Chicago man has recently taken out a patent lor an electric pickpocket and coat thief detector, which apparatus is intended, automatically, to sound an alarm bell when ever the wearer's personal property is inter, fered with. The aborigines of the Andaman Island are reputed to be fast dbappearing. All ol them on two of the islands are dead, and only a few remain on the third. Only a small number of children are born, and they die in infancy. Juvenal first recited his satires in pnblic at 80. He was supposed to have at tacked the actor Paris, the lavorite of Dom itan; was sent to Egvpt to command a cohort or infantry, and died of vexation at this honorable exile. In Malta harbor is a large dock, in closed with gates, in which can be seen sev eral hundred turtles, all marked with the name of the owner. They are thus marked wheu young and placed there, and can be taken out at will by tbe owner. A enrio in vegetation has been found near Port Biakely, Wash. It is a fir sapling, about 8years old, grafted on another sapling of the same kind about 5 vears of age. Ap- Earently, tho larger of the two trees had een broken ofl and falling had Impaled itself on the smaller one. A small island in Passamaquoddy Bay is inhabited by only one man and his family. It is said that the man has several wives, and he certainly has a surprising number of children. They live Dy fishing and farming, and although the husband and father doesn't own tho Island he is king there. The Chinese have an elaborate system for the Interpretation or dreams. To bo whipped by a god or devil they regard as extremely unlucky, while to enter a temple and see the gods moving about.ls considered lucky. To dream of fighting with wander ing ghosts means that one will live to an old age. ASTEROIDS IN AUGUST. Brekkus I love to hear a silver-tongued orator. Barlow I prefer a golden-tongued. "What kind Is that?" "Silence Is golden." Detroit Free Prett. He had wealth that was unlimited, But there never was a strife Among the girls to capture him, For he ate pie with his knife. Chicago Inter Ocean. Miss Pert I've never seen Mr. Bjenka, Is he a handsome man ? Miss Flyrte-Hanasome? Well, that's a matter of opinion. My own Idea Is tht if beauty were subject to taxation. Sir. BJents would be entitled to a pension. Hoston Courier. A SAD FLIGHT. A tear stood in her bright, bine eya, Her quivering lip told sorrow's tale. Hers mingled with the zephyr's sigh. Her boiom heaved, her cheek grew pale. Barsh fate had done for her Its worst, Agd at her anguish seemed to scofl; 1 fonnd the geatle maid had burst Her left suspender button off. Seio T(,rk Prett. "Well," said Mrs. Brugglns alter a solo by a fashionable church choir tenor, "If that ain't the rudest thing I ever saw! "WhJtf" Inquired her niece. "Why. didn't jou notice it? Just as soon as that young man beian to ilng every other member of the choir stopped. But he went right through with It, and I must say I admire his spunk." Washington Star. As real beaux are scarce this year, The summer girl places A feather boa 'round ber neck. And wears a pan of braces. BrooUynEasU. Mrs. "Wickwire I see that chair-collecting Is about to become a craze. I do hope It will not reach the proportions of tbe apoon fad. Mr. Wlckwlre-I don't suppose It will. As near as I can recollect, the proportion was about two spoons to one chair. At least, that Is the way It was la our courting dais.-Indianapolis Journal,
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers