THE PITTSBURG DISPATCH, MONDAY. OCTOBER 19, 189L $pafc!i. ESTABLISHED FEBRUARY 1S46. Vol. -js. No.2 4 Vnterol at nttonirg rostofDcc, Notcmbirlts;, Ji second-class matter. Business Office Corner Sniithfield and Diamond Streets. News Eoorns and Publish ng House ?S and So Diamond Street, in New Dispatch Building. PATF-HN sDVEItTISlNft OFFICE. ROOM 21. TRIBUNE BriLDIMJ. m:VYORK. wlirerom plete fil rf TH E IIsP A1V1I r-vn lwj be rounii. rirel?n a !v-rilsen. sptuvclate ilie convnieD. Home dTcnisrrs ind fliriH.- of THK DISPATCH, hllc in ilti Yolk, arc al-to made welcome. THE niSPl7CIli ncyttrlnvtt xi at Brtninia's, I Cnm Aytnre. yno 55rJt ani 7 Art rfr i'(inm, Paris, Vwnor. WVrs crtyr iffto mlj Ven disap jynniedat a nolfl una sUtnA can oblate U. TKKMS OF THE DISPATCH. rosTACE race tx toe cxiteo states. Dailt UsrATcn, One Year rco IUilt DisrsTCH, rer Quarter. 200 DaILT DiBrATCiI, One Month 70 Dailt IHsrATCU. injIucUnfiScnday. 1 vcar 10 CO Dailt Dif rATCH, Including Sunday, s m'ths. 2 50 IKilt llisrATCn. including Sunday, m'th.. SO fcC3avrIlirATCit. OaeYar 130 Veeklt DisrATf ir. One Year 1 a The Uaily DisrAT-H is delivered by carrier, at ii cents per i cek, or, including Sunday Edition, at T) cents per week. F1T1BUKG, MONDAY, OCT. 19, ISaL ALLIANCE CO-OPERVriON. The report from Kansas that the Farm el s' Alliance organization is Roinp; to push its co-operative commercial features indi cates the direction of its efforts into a field that will bo of much more value to it than the agitation cf political schemes of the Socialist class. If the Alliance can per form Its operations of trade for its mem bers at less cost than through the stereo typed commercial agencies, It is the best justification in the world for doing so. The report of the effort which is being made in this direction shows a disposition to look at it as a monopoly. But it is plain that a monopoly is not possible in such an enterprise for two reasons. First, the Al liance will have no mean's of excluding vrapetitors from business Everyone will have the privilege of handling the goods that it does, and the one who sells the hest and cheapest will get the trade. Second, the sole foundation on ivhtrh the Alliance .Exchanges can command the Mipport of the members of the order will be in furnishing the goods or performing the commercial sen-ice at less cot than the present merchants. If Kansas fanners find that the goods they are getting from the Exchanges cost them more in proportion to quality than if "bought from merchants, the Alliance Ex diangcs will be very promptly left with out support The value of these Alliance enterprises for the introduction of new competition is shown by the fact that small Alliance elevators araf scattered all over Kansas, with capacity' to store half this Year's crop. This is the sub-Treasury project in its proper form conducted by private enterprise. Of course, the weakness of this schemo is in the immense power intrusted to the managers and the difficulty of providing safeguards against incompetency or dis honesty. The damage that can be done by a manager who is either negligent or dis lionest may be so great as to prove the rock on which the project will ultimately go to wreck. COINAGE QUESTIONS. In addition to former inquiries on the monetary question a communication else where asks a numbpr of inquiries which, as they go to the foundation of the coin age question, we take pleasure in answer ing as fully as Ls practicable within the limits of our space. To the first inquiry, whether the United States has not "the sole and sovereign power and authority to make money," the reply is that it has not, on a strict con struction of the words. The power granted by the Constitution is "to coin money, regulate the value thereof and of foreign coins, and fix the standard of weights and measures," and that forbid den to the States is to "coin money and emit bills of credit " This may seem to be synonymous with the words used by our interlocutor; but in viev7 ot the claim by some people that the Government can "make money" out of anything it is wise to draw the distinction. The Government can coin money; that is, it can put its stamp on metal accepted as money by the people, certifying that it contains a speci fied amount of metal of a stated degree of fineness; so it can issue bills of credit or promises to pay. This is making money in one sense; but the value of the coin will always depend on the universal estimate of the value of the coin contained in it, and that of the promise to pay on the pub lic belief m the certainty of the Govern ment to make good its promise. It is. as our correspondent says, the duty of the Government to make full legal tender money in amount sufficient to carry on the commerce of the country, if it is able to do sa. Bat there are other duties equally vtaL The money or meas ure of values, Jike the standard of weights and measures referred to in the same sec tion of the Constitution, should be as un varying as possible, because every change in either standard works a mischief in the operation of all contracts. An increase or decrease in the value of the dollar is plac ing an unjust burden on either the debtor or the creditor. It is equally the duty of the Government to refrain from fixing two standards. Suppose that it should take the notion of enacting that the old copper and iron cents which were about the siz9 of the silver dollar should be a dollar.' It is plain that such a step would be immensrly injurious. The same thing in less tlepree would work the same injury In the reduced proportion. The parity of metals for coinage pur poses is the relative weight of the two metals estimated by the coinage laws to jive the coins of both metals an equal. Yiiue. Thus the European ratio of 15 to 1 intent that r. pilver coin should have fiitaen times a much metal 111 weiglit as Ihc geld coin, the estimate being fixed on the propter relativ value of silver when the ratio was fixed. The legal parity of 10 to 1 in the United Slates has not been changed since 1837, but the commercial value has widely altered under the in crease and decrease in the production of the respective metals. The silver dollar has been worth more than the gold dollar at various times. It was worth more in 1853, when the exporta tion of our silver coins for that reason caused a seignorage to be charged on the coinage of silver, and finally the Govern ment ceased coining for individuals. It was also worth more in 1873, when silver was demonetized, as The DisrATcn has freqw.'-u.y pointed out cf late. The reason for it was the increased production of gold after the discoveries in California and Australia, the decrease in the produc tion of 'silver, the eularged use of silver in the arts, and other co-ordinate causes, the reversal of -nblch hit3 "caused the de MkB preciation of silver and the appreciation of gold since 1873. In the payment of international bal ances the value of the coin is fixed by Its bullion or commodity value. This may be arrived at by tale or count; but it is the bullion value which fixes It. Thus if an English banker receives 1,000 gold eagles of united States coinage he knows that they contain 25S.0Q0 grains of gold, and will nceept the coin at the value of the gold. Our correspondent's criticism of our state ment as to what would be realized on the sale of our silver and gold coins respec tively in London is technical, and even the technicality is ill-founded. He thinks our statement that a sale of 1,000 gold dol lars in London would realize 51,000 is wrong because the British standard of fineness is higher than ours; but as the statement of the sum to be realized was made in dollars it is plain that it was cor rect Of course, neither his criticism nor the technical loophole which lets us jus tify the statement make any difference as to "the controlling fact that our silver dol lar has 24 per cent less value in the mar kets of the world than our gold dollar. All these points are worth considering carefully. "When taken in connection with the other factors of the coinage ques tion they will support the conviction of The Dispatch that the true policy of the United States is to try to make silver cir culate equally with gold; but that the only way to do that is to coin a silver dollar whose bullion shall be equal in value to the bullion in the gold dollar. PUSHING TEE SAXE OF CORN. Avery interesting story is told in our news columns of the efforts of Charles J. Murphy for the past three years to in crease the knowledge of the people of the Old Country in the virtues of Indian corn as a food product Mr. Murphy, having been finally appointed a special agent of the Agricultural Department to carry on the work, has the satisfaction of official recognition of his labors as well as the en couraging prospect of gaining a decided success in creating an active demand for Indian corn and corn products abroad. This effort, especially at the present time,assumes that philanthropic character which is the true benefit of commercial activity. The great need of the masses of Europe is cheap food; and especially this, year, when wheat is high-priced and the supply of rye, which forms the principal breadstuff of the people of Germany, is wholly cut off, there is the greatest service to humanity in introducing a new supply of cheap and nourishing food to the masses who are in such need. "We in America who know the uses to which In dian corn can be put, readily recognize its availability for the needs of the masses of Europe. On the other hand the sale of our sur plus corn in Europe would open up a new market for one of the chief products of the leading working class of thb country. The masses of both continents are there fore to be benefited by the increased commerce in this stapls, one by conferring a cheap staple on the consumer, the other by enlarged sale of the products of the producer. This is the sort of commerce that is beneficial to both sides. It is to be hoped that the effort will be pushed vigorously and that it will gats the success of secur ing the sale of immens3 quantities of cheap food to the European masses, made from the products of American corn fields. TARTISAN STUPIDITY. There is a congestion of partisan stu pidity in the attack of the New York World on the Eiffel tower project at Chi cago, because it is "Carnegie's tower" and "it is a pity to glorify Carnegie." The disposition of the average Democratic or gan to go Into a fit of delirium every time that Mr. Carnegie's name comes within speaking distance of its perception has had some remarkable illustrations, but none indicating quite so violent a case of distraction as this. The statement has already been made clear enough that this is not Mr. Carne gie's tower. His only connection with it is that the Keystone Bridge Company, in which he is a large owner, has contracted to furnish material for it If tills is suffi cient to condemn the project in the rabid judgment of tho World, there must be a terriblo destruction of important structures throughout the country. The same com pany has furnished the mateiial and built a large number of the greatest railroad bridges. If the existence of these bridges is a glorification of Mr. Carnegie, the feel ings of the World can hardly be appeased short of tearing them all down and sus pending transportation until some manu facturer who is less of a bugaboo in the imagination of the World can furnish the wherewithal to construct The World used to be a journal with in telligence enough to see a little way be yond party hues; butrccent events in New York journalism have reduced it to the level of a stupidly rabid organ. A NEW LAND CLAIM. The Missouri river is a very troublesome stream, but it has never exhibited that quality in a more pernicious way than in producing a law suit that bids fair in dura tion and complication to rival the famous Jones county calf case. Prior to the of fensive activity of this river a farmer named McDaniel had a farm on the Kan sas side of the stream. One of the en croaching freshets swept away a large share of McDaniel's property, and at the same time deposited considerable additions on the farms of Reese and Downey, 011 the Missouri side. McDaniel claims to be able to identify the deposited soil, and, therefore, asserts it is his property and wants judicial sanction in taking posses sion of and raising a crop on it It is evident that this case has endless details, over which lawyers can grow rich and clients wear out their patien-e. First, as to jurisdiction, it seems that if McDan iel's case is well founded tho land belongs to the State of Kansas, and the jurisdic tion lies in the courts of the Alliance State. Oil the other hand, if the ground is strayed or waif property, the jurisdiction belongs to Missouri, where the Circuit Court of Platte county has harshly decided against McDaniel. But the right of appeal and numberless suits of ejectment lie in reserve, by which the litigation can be strung out to the crack of doom, or until the lawless Missouri river moves the land somewhere else. As to the subject matter of the case that is equally novel. The only precedent by which it can be decided is to be found in Twain's reports of an early date. In that case the ruling favors the McDaniel claim, for ic was the final decision of the learned California Court that the man whose ranche had been covered up by the landslide which carried another ranche down the mountain on top of it might dig his ranche out and take it away. But that ruling is not sufficiently conclusive to prevent the Kansas and Missouri courts, when they really find out which has juris dictiou, from taking the opposite view or even holding that the disputed hind, as flotsam and jetsam, is public property. Pending the decision of the case itself, it would! be wise for the "Western courts, to preserve themselves against being swamped, by endless and costly litigation of this sort, to resort to the equitable power and get out a mandatory injunction on the Missouri river to abstain from such lawless-and vexatious proceedings. A NEW CRITERION. The Synod of Pennsylvania and "West Virginia, at Scranton, has passed a resolu tion recommending Congress to refuse tho loan of 55,009,000 asked for in aid of tho "World's Fair at Chicago, until the man agers of that enterprise give a pledge that I they will not permit the Fair to be opened on Sundays. This carries the inference'that if such a pledge is given the money is to be forth coming. There would be no inducement for the pledge to be made to Congress unless the loan was to follow as a consid eration. Besides the aspect which this assumes, of purchasing the strict observ ance of the Sabbath, which the Synod de sires, it indicates that the clerical minds ot the Syndod do not recognize any other considerations with regard to that loan than the Sabbatarian question. Now it happens that there are several other important considerations. The chief of them is the fact that Chicago was chosen as the site for the Fair under tho positive pledge of its representative that it would ask for no aid from Congress ex cept the appropriation for tho Govern ment exhibit "Whetherthat pledge shall be insisted upon or not may be an open ques tion for Congress. But it might occur to themlnd8of our friends of the Synod to inquire, if Chicago has so soon violated the first pledge, what the exact value of the second pledge will be. Finally, do our friends of the Synod really mean to take the attitude that if people will adopt their views of Sabbath observance they shall have all the money they want from tho National Treasury? The rise of Balfour and the eclipse of Randolph Churchill are emphasized by the reported choice of the former to bo leader of the House of Commons. But Balfour's zenith may be a short one, as tho next gen eral election will put all tho Tory constella tion in the shadow ofa Liberal majority. Nokthekn newspapers are noting with glee that the Alliance members of the Legis lature of Georgia voted down a resolution prohibiting free passes the other day. If this were a new development it would only prove that the Alliance representative like other servants of tbe dear people (here in Pennsylvania for instance) is not proof against the charms of deadhead railway travel. But it is now over u year since it was known thnt the majority of the Georgia Farmers' Alliance machinery was captured by that enterprising Southern railway mag nate, Mr. Patrick Calhoun. McCamant's assertion of his spotless innocence enables us to believe that the blush of shame need not appear on the face of that onyx clock. The change in the method of choosing Presidental electors made by the Democratic legislature of Michigan last winter, under which electors are to be chosen by districts and the vote of the Statu is sure to be di vided, is earning Republican denunciations all over the country, one organ declaring it to be unconstitutional. It is perfectly con stitutional, but it is too smart and will cost the Democrats votes. The Amorican people are not fond of seeing political victories won bv juggling a fact of which Republicans as well as Democratic politicians should take due notice. If Nancy Hanks did not beat the time of Maud S., sho at least succeeded in going be yond the record of the elder flyer as a trotter of fancy price. Now it is learned that notwithstanding the increased acreage of the sugar crop in Louisiana tho total yield will be less than that of last year. This will be sad news to the Democratic organs who havo been howl ing over the immense sums tbe sugar bounty is going to tako oui of tho national treasury. The obstinate forces of nnture are whipsawing tlio free traders this year. FrrzsijraoNS, like some politicians who might be mentioned, has yet to learn that writing letters may prove to be hid ruin. TnE Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of Alabama has written to the President urg ing the passage of a National bankruptcy act, A large proportion of the best interests of the country havo been urging such legis lation on Congress for years; but it does not seem that there was either" political capital or private profit in it sufficient to secure its passage. SNAP SHOTS IN SEASON. Whes a flue is choked the folks in the house are strangled. The weather sharps who predicted frost for Saturday were nearly sunstruck yester day. People who want to know where the real trouble lies should hunt up tho liar. The rich girl is admired for her figure in stead of her face. THOSE who sink Belt float with the tide nicely. Red neckties are worn, and those who wear them are easily read. There was a young man from the East, With trousers artistie'ly creased, lint he ogled the lasses Through dudlsh es-e-glasses Until lie was whipped then he ceased. The pet of the ball field is generally the clown of tho ball room. TnE sisterly girls of the present run a great risk of being the old maids of the future Dentists should make good pioneers, as they know how to remove stumps. Bad whisky and worse diplomacy are at the bottom of the Chilean trouble. If we were all leaders, there would be none to follow us. The woolly "West is full of artists who draw guns cleverly. Ir the Law and Order folk had disturbed yesterday's peace and quietness, they would have served Satan instead of his Master. Superior women can always be foun d in convents. Heb jaunty hat sat on a head of gold, Her pretty gown outlined a shapely mold Her blue-black eyes like flawless diamonds shone, Her cheeks were red as roses freshlv blown Her ruby lips moved fast, yet she seemed dumb; Alas! she could not speak and chow her gum. Brkatji is the only portion of the human being strengthened by strong drink. A Constitution that has been badly broken would not seem to be a good thin" to stand on. Yet those who broke it bellove it will hold them nicely. Exchange editors who clip an editorial paragraph from the Albany (X. y.) Sun should not forget to credit it to The Dis-r-ATcn. A literary thief or the ofUco boy is ut work mere. A MESSAGE TO POSTERITY. Tho Significance of the Documents Placed Under a Church Corner Stone A Glance Into the Future The Possible Changes or a Century. r WRITTEN FOB THE DISrATClt. It was with a good deal of Interest that I watched, one day last week, the mailing of a letter to the twentieth century. The posting of a letter is always somewhat of an act of faith. It is dropped into an iron box at a street corner, and it falls in our friend's hand at the door of his own house in nalifax or Seattle. That is one of tho modern miracles. With all our letter-writing, however, and with all our trust In the postofflce department, we do not often ven tuie to open correspondence with the twen tieth century. Wo ought to bo fairly well acquainted with that interesting era. It has been sufficiently described by reputable authors. Wo have any number of pictures of it taken by enthusiastic amateur pho tographers. Nevertheless, the twentieth century is so far removed. It will take so long to get a letter to it, that there is such a discouraging certainty that we will got no answerback, that most of us wonld as soon think of mailing a letter to tho moon. Among all the latest Improvements in tho now postofflce there ls no provision made for the delivery of letters to the peoplo whose names will-not bezin to nnnear in the directory until the year 2000. ibe dispatching of this curious epistle, ac cordingly, made a good deal of stir in the neishborhood. It was mailed at a little town up in tho coke countiy, and a gi eat number of citizens and all the children from the public school wore assembled to see It done. Tho letter was first wrapped in a stout cov ering of tin, with solder for mucilage, and was then inclosed in a good,blg,heavy envel ope, warranted to last 500 years, made out of solid limestone rock. It took half a dozen parsons to put the letter properly in the en velope and a bishop had to come all the way from Pittsburg to stamp it with three good blows ofa steel hammer. A Message to the Future. A corner-stone has various uses and meanings. It is tho mark in a ohuroh wall oftheprogress ofa new fortress in the old fight against the devil. And it is an excel lent thine to strengthen a corner in a found ation. But really the most interesting thing about a corner-stone is that it carries a message to the future. It is a letter to the people who will live here after wo are both gone and forgotten. It is a lesson in ancient history, set down while ancient history is still cotemporary, and Intended for the in formation of coming generations. Nobody can possibly predict the changes in living and thinking that will separate tho readers from the writers. If they are half so curious about us as we are about them tu -y will hail this letter with jubilations. That is what it is, a letter. And the address is "To whom it may concern in the twen tieth century." The most interesting part of this letter was composed of copies of the Pittsburg daily papers. Of course, they put a Bible in, but the Bible has lasted a good many cen turies already, and is not likely to be news even in the day when the tourist from Australasia shall hitch hu electrio balloon to a broken arch of Smithfield street bridge, while he kodaks the ruins of the Court House tower. The citizen of the twentieth century will selzj upon these last-week's papers, which are dull enough to us, but which will be fresh enough indeed to him. An End to the Cities. It is not likely that the coming man, who will think of the nineteenth century as belonging to the Middle Ages, will be greatly interested in much of our local matters, ex cept so far as they help to inform him about that obsolete institution, the city, Mr. Will iam Morris, the latest explorer or the undis covered future, says that in the twentieth century there wUl be no crowded streets, no blocks of lioasos.hd smoke, and no facto ries to make smoke. There will be a distri bution or power. Theie will bono more need of great machines and great mills to house them, and great' gangs of men to feed them. The age of cities will come to an end and people will get back again in to Paradise. Naturally the comingman will be interested to know the conditions of life under this imperfect and mediaeval order of things. The man who gets that twentieth century letter will read with curiosity, though with dim understanding, the discussions in the councils about the payment of tho street im provement bills. The lato Exposition will interest him. The prices of food in the city markets will afford him many a significant comparison. He will note with attention, possibly with surprise, the values of real estate. No doubt he will read all tho ad vertisements. A Lively Ago at Present. The coming man will get some queer notions about law andorder in this century. He will read the accounts of several mur ders and of several horrible suicides. He will notice in the proceedings of the crim inal court that men were amazingly ready with knives, razors and pistols to take each other's blood. He will learn that in two dif ferent places at tho same time men wore at work deliberately wrecking trains on the railroads for the sake of plunder, pulling out the spikes "from seven rails on the edge of a EO-foot embankment." He will make tho acquaintance of Judge Lynch. He will get tidings of riots in Montevideo and Iohang. Ho will discover that the Governor of Pennsylvania was accusing magistrates and constables in Philadelphia of conspir ing to defraud the treasury of the State. He will be informed as to tho progress of -ho printers' strike, and the pipe-mill strike, nnd the miners' strike. Ho will learn of wars between competing railroads, and con tcutlons between competing oil companies. It will be told him thas a man wns bitten to death by mosquitoes in the swamps of New Jersey. And all this is in the history of tho world and really of only a small part of tue worm tor one ciay. otr tights, mur ders, suicides, train-wreckings, strikes, stealings to-morrow. This, I hope, will amaze the twentieth century man, and give him canoe for piofound gratitude. The leader of the epistle in the stono en velope will bo interested in the debates about the tariff. This contention will be almost as far away from the living issues of tho twentieth century as that old mur muring which arose of tho Grecians against the Hebrews because their nidows were neglected in the daily ministrations. It will bo as mediaeval as the strife of the old Guel- phs and Ghibelllnes. They Will Regulate the Weather. The experiment of a man in Kansas at the rain business ill havo 11 funny sound in the days when not only the rain but the sun, shine and the wind, and all the variatious of the thermometer, will be under the thumb of the weather clerk In Washington, who will press a Dutton, and the accomodating laws or nature will do the lest. The faith cure preachings will read curi ously in the light of twentieth century medi cine. The Baltimore blue laws will bo of in terest in tho reign of twoutietn century religion. uc mauinm gms iue letter will look over the society column, and the ac counts of the plays at tho theaters, and the scores of the old ball games, much ns we read of the jousts and tournaments of the past age. The funny column will probably be as amazing to his taste as. the jokes of Plautus. He will 1 ead again and again these selected gems o( the nineteenth century jest, these quips nnd quirks which cau;o cotem porary laughter; he will parse them, and an alyze them, and try by all sorts of surgical operations to get thom into his head, and will have to give them up. Of course, theie will be no Kirnrs in , days when that tin wrapper is unfolded and that letter reau. xuo lnn-Kepublican Con gress at Philadelphia will be viewed with even greater interest than it is to-day. It will be a small progenitor of the "parlia ment ofman, the federation of the world." Of course, there will bo no partisan adject ives in that dav such as wo set now, with ex penditure, financial and spiritual, to do it, beibre the great word "church." But stu dents of ancient history will remember that there was once .1 division of Christian people known ns Methodists, and they will be glad to read what was said at one of their confer ences. They will notice what was thought about chuich unity in this ancient day, and they will comment upon it with congratula tions over their own enlightenment In the oly Universal Synod of United Christen dom. ' Prisons May Be Too Popular. As for the prisons, I see that a hard headed Massachusetts lawyer, in this month's Forum, predicts that at the present rate the prison associations will one of these days make these institutions so pleasant and inviting that the wholo population will try to get into them. Evidently there is danger in too generous a supply of roast beef and ginger broad) of bouquets and tenor solos, of Christmas enrds and checker boards, of illustrated lectures and libraries of interesting novels. But the twentieth century is to be the era of universal re generation. We have Mr. Bellamy's word for that. Everybody will wear a halo. The prisons will be dosed up, like unprosperous boarding houses, for lack of lodgers. Who, indeed, can tell what sort of gold bichloride' may be dlsoovered which will vaccinate men against the contagious malady of sin ? What more interesting and instructive let ter could be sealed up in 11 stone envelope for the reading of the future than a oopy of a daily paper, a history of our own times from one sunrise to another, an instantane ous photograph of tho busy world 1 TALK OF THE TIMEa Kansas is the hardest place on earth to work fakes on tho people. Topeka Journal. How about Simpson and FeflerT They don't seem to have had a very hard time working their fakes. Secretary Troctor is at a loss to devise means of occupation for the army since the Indians havo ceased fighting. As the Treas ury is a llttlo hard up Just now, how would it do to rent out our fighting men to some bellicose South American republic? Chicago Times. They might be sent to Chile to pro tect our sailors. The apostle Peter says of Paul that some things in his epistles are "hard to be under stood," but he doesn't accuse him of heresy. In some things Peter maybe regarded as ex tremely old-fashioned and out of style. Chicago Tribune. If some of these old styles could come into style again how pleasant a place the world might be. Campbell was elected to Congress from Ohio by a majority of three. While he hopes to be elected Governor by a large ma jority, it is understood he will be satisfied if it is no less. New York Advertiser. Generous nature never entirely disinherits any of her creations. Campbell will have to be satis fied with a minority by a large majority. Cleve'and and Hill meet effusively in pub lic, but to judge by the expressions of their respective supporters what they think in private would send the political mercury below freezing point. Baltimore American. They might be hypnotized by Fnssett and made to write their opinions of each other. They would create a new interest in the sit uation. Free trade and free silver are unpopular issues in the Empire State, and the Demo crats nre sorels' pressed for subjects to talk about. The usual cry that the Republican party is the party of the rich, and the Demo cratic party that of the poor, does not go this year. Springfield Union. The reason for this is because the Democratic leader ls a millionaire. Some say it is his only claim to distinction. The eamestaes with which reciprocity arrangements are pressed by the Adminis tration shows that the home market dodge is losing force, even officially. Every such treaty ls a confession of the futility of re stricting trade and an argument by protect ionists in favor of freer trade. St, LnuisPost Disjiatch. Every such argument is a con fession ot ignorance. Reciprocity does not conflict with protection. It simply extends our markets and admits articles we cannot produce. None are so blind as those who won't see. Reciprocity Winning. Omaha Bee, Eeciprocity goes on winning victories for America in themarkets ot the world in spite of all the efforts of Eastern Democrats to discredit the principle. In exchange for freo sugar Germany admits wheat, flour, and potted and corned meats. This is the sort, of reciprocit which the agricultural interest of the United States can appreciate and which does not interfere with American indtlstrles or American labor. It is a form of freo trado that is entirely consistent with the American system of protection. NAMES OFTEN MENTIONED. Judge KoAn Davis was bom on a farm' nnd made his first coin selling eggs. William Evarts, the New York Sena tor, has been in Boston for some time. Ho is a cousin of Senator Hoar's. Secretary Foster's portrait is being painted for tho Treasury Department by Miss Blanche F. King, of Washington. Mrs. William II. Vanderbilt and Mr. George Vanderbilt are passing the au tumn at Mr. George Vanderbilt's estate, "Biltmoro," Asheville, N. C. Lieutenant Governor Jones, of New York, is still occupying a darkened room, but tbo operation upon his eyes for glau coma is regarded as a successful one, and he hopes to be at his homo in Bmghamtonin about two weeks. Charles Francis Adams has been ap pointed by the Massachusetts Historical So ciety to write tho memoir of Edmund Quincy, and II. M. Scudder tho memoir or Henry W. Longfellow, which had previously been assigned to Mr. Lowell. Some criticism has been made of the Princo of Wales for shooting in kid gloves and calling him a butterfly sportsman. The English press are indignant nt this accusa tion and tay he is by far tho finest shot in the royal family and can hold his own in any country. Brigadier General Kautz, who closes his duties in the nctive list of the array in a fow months, feelingly alludos to the fact that he entered the army as a pri vate soldier 45 years ago, and says his nart- j ing advice is to enlist reeiuirs lor the army I from the young, ambitious and energetic sons of patriotic citizens, and not from the indolent and wandering element of the John D. Bockefeller, who has a larger annual income than any other man in America, has been hard at work in pur suit of his lost health tho last summer. He has spent four months on his farm in Ohio, and has given himself up entirely to out door pursuits. Arrayed in overalls and shirt sleeves, he has worked with his men plow ing and planting his fields and cultivating and gathering in his crops. Ho has sawed wood for days, and has shoveled the earth for roadways in his township. - DEATHS HEBE AND EISSWHEBE. Pandit Iswara Chandra. The Pandit Iswara Chandra has just died In India. For 40 ears lie was the most famous prose writer in Sanscrit and Bengali. He was also noted as having been more influential than any other person in securing the abolition of the sut tee, or burning orwidows on the funeral pyre of their husband. For years he had dropped out of public view, because he chose that the rest of his life should be derotcd to less conspicuous achiev- mente. At an early age he set himself to realize thi true Brahmin Idea of self-ncfratlnn.alnKiiririiin- inedltation and the gradual retirement from the ambitions and unrest of the world. He had able means, which he devoted to the public Rood. A small sum sufficed for his own food and raiment. On his journeys through the country he either walked or traveled in the simplest msnner. At his home he had a distribution of food on Sunday to all "ho came to his door. He evolved also a careful system of stipends to widows and orphans, to needy students, to the disabled and to many astray and waif who had broken down In life. His favorite form of charity was seeking out the unfortunate hi their own dwellings, bringing a doctor to visit the sick, feeding families during anillne93of the bread winner, and taking upon himself the humblest or menial duties. "bituary Notes. Otto II. Diktz, a well known druggist, died vesterday mornlns; at his home in BalUmore. Mr. Dlctz was only 24 years of age. James Tiebney, a variety actor; died yesterday afternoon at St. Vincent's Hospital, New York, of consumption. He had been HI about thiee weeks. He was weU known on the vaudeville stage. 1 KkV. Fibmik Cornif, S. M., Supervl.or of the Marist Community and the Hector r the French Catholic Church of Notre Dame des Vlctolres. in Boston, died Friday, aged M, He had been at the head of the French priests In charge of the French CalhoUcsof Jtostou for three yers. He was a native of Lorraine. CaptaW Geokoe Trowell, aged 77, died at Kingston. Out;, Friday mht. He had natigated tln-otean and Great Lakes forKl years, llewasa Vi'tWiiiiau. For jnuiy yean he commanded the tiitirit t.tiiiner Alzarlan. frum Toronto to M011- lieu, ana rrsigni'u m ui the cause of death. ' . . . r-. .a... .; ....... .: Bright' disease was I AMERICAN CORN FOR EUROPE. Secretary Busk's Deserved Becognlflon of a Man Who Has Been Pushing Johnny Cake at His Own Expense A New and Important Market Opening for Our Farmers. fCORBISFOJTOZXCK OT THE DISPATCH. Washikgtom, Oct. 18. The recent appoint ment by Secretary Busk of Charles J. Mur phy to be a special agent of the Agricultural Department in Great Britain, Francd and Germany recalls an Interesting story and marks tbe first step in the sustained and de termined effort which the Agricultural De partment will make to Introduce American corn Into Enrope for use as a breadstuff. Special Agent Murphy's duties will be to use means at his discretion to bring before the public of Europe the knowledge of tbe vir tues of corn bread and tho other food prod ucts of the great American staple. Murphy has been well known in Berlin, London and Paris for the last three years as "Corn-cake Murphy." He derived this sdubrlquet from his long-continued and earnest efforts to convince the skeptical for eigners that Indian Corn ls good to eat. He went abroad for tbe express purpose of in troducing corn among the European people, and for three years he has labored con stantly to this end, expendlnz his own money and time in tbe effort. The writer's acquaintance with Murphy began in London, While dining at the Ho tel Metropole with a party of Americans I was very much surprised to have the waiter place upon the table a great dish of hot "Johnny ca es." Actually, the little round, browned and fragrant John ny cake that you can find on any table to-day south of Mason and Dixon's line. There was also a big "pone" of hot "egg bread," that delicious combination of cornmeal, egg? and yeast powder that ravishes the taste at a South ern breakfast. A Surprise for Visiting Americans. Accompanying this unlooked-for donation was a card upon which was written: "With tbe compliments of Charles J. Murphy." I learned subsequently that it was Murphy's habit to surprise visiting Americans with delicious combread, especially if an Eng glishman or two or a Frenchman or German happened to bo at table. Murphy had with hiin an old Virginia darkey as cook, and she prepared all the specimens of cornbread with all the art In her power. He told me he had visited all the prominent cooking schools in the United Kingdom, had prepared before the princi pals and pupils the various products of corn, from blanc mange down to Jolinnv cake and corn-starch pudding. But the Britons were slow to relish the new lood. They seemed to be unable to get rid of the idea that they wore eating horse feed, for they were accus tomed to seeing corn in the feed trough and not in the dough tray. Poor Murphy had tried a hundred different ways to get bis corn bread before the people, had proven its virtues to the commissary department of the army and navy, but he did not report any great increase in tho importations of American corn as the result of his efforts. Some time after this I mot Murphy again, this time at the Exposition in Paris. He looked a bit seedy and as though a -C5 note would not coma amiss. "They call mo a crank," he said, bitterly. "I have tried to get an opportunity to exhibit our corn food Sroducts at the Exposition, but the Director eneral has snubbed mo and treated me withactnal rudeness. I have spent all my money in these enorts or the past two years, believing that tho time must surely come when they will recognize our corn. Then our own farmei s would he benefited nnd the half-starved poor of Europe v Id find a veritable God-send in the bread ado from our corn. I have no mercenary interest in the matter. I am working for what I be lieve to be a philantbroploal end, and it Is hard to be treated like a long-haired crank with a flying machine or tho recipe of the elixir of life." An Appointment From Busk There was something touching in the story of this man, and his apparently fruitless en deavors in a good cause. But the tide was about to turn, and in bis favor. One day he received a letter from Secretary Rusk of the Department of Agriculture. "Uncle Jerry" had beard of his efforts and his objects, and the object was directly in line with a policy which tbe Department, of Agriculture had determined upon. Would Mr. Murphy no- I cent a nositton as snecial fluent of the Aari. I cultural Department at a salary of $2,000 per year! And would he continue his effortB to And a great foreign market for the corn which the Kansas farmers were using for fuelt The first thing that Mnroby did after ac cepting the position was characteristic of him. He posted off to Edinburgh where an exposition was In progress, and pledged $1,000 of his year's salary as payment for some space at the exposition. Then he put in JCO0 additional of his salary for cooking apparatus, etc., and commenced the manu ture of johnny-cake and cornbread upon a large scale, much to the dellghtof the canny Scots who found Murphy's corner in tho building very nttraotive about lunch time. This effort had an immediate and Import ant result. The Edinbnigh Gas Company became interested in the matter, and agreed with Murphy to furnish every cooking school in Scotland with a gas stove upon which to cook the corn bread. Then Murphy visited other great cities in Britain, and has created a vigorous demand for cornmeal. A Trial in Germany. Last week the Agricultural Department received a cablegram from Berlin an nouncing the fact that Murphy had suc ceeded in interesting tho German Govern ment in cornmeal, and that a fair trial will be given the cereal with a view to recom mending cornmeal for general nse in this time of scarcity of breadstuff's on the conti nent. This welcome news U of far more im portance to tbe Amorican farmer than ap pears upon the face of the bare statement, lor it means that vast quantities of corn will be shipped from the United States this win ter, not only to Germany, but to the other countries on the continent that are also suf fering from a short crop of breadstuffs this year. Everyone, U familiar with tho desperate strait in which Germany finds herself, as the result of her own short crop of cereals, and the Kussinn ukase, forbidding tho exporta tion of rye from Russia, hitherto the chief source of supply for Germany. The middle and lower classes of Germany eat verv little pure wheat bread. Their staff of life is a coarse black bread, made from afiourground from a mixture of Tye and an inferior qual ity of wheat. The consumntion ot this ma terial is so enormous thutlnlSOO Germany imported 017,375 tons of it, 83 uer cent of which came from Russia, as well as 53 per cent of the total import of wheat. The Czar's edict, therefore, outs off nearly live-sixths of the entire toreign rve supply or liermany. The difficulty or filling this deficit by in creased importation from other sources will be readily perceived when it is remembered that. the entire export of rye of the six coun tries which rank next to Russia as producers of that cereal ls barely one-fourth of tbe rye import of Germany from Russia alone for the year 1890. Must Look to America. The deficit for Germany cannot be sup plied in Europe, therefore. It mnst come from the otber side of the Atlantic. The knowledge of this fact has "bulled" the rye market to a startling degree. One year ago rye was selling in Berlin for $39 per gross ton oP.2,240 pounds. On August 3 last the knowl edge of the short crop had raised this price to $52 21 per ton. Within 13 days utter the uhlicatlon of tho Russian ukase the price lad risen to $61 88 per ton, and is btill going up. The outcome of this situation will bo that Germany must find a cheaner broad staple. The United States offers cornmeal, and tho Department of Agriculture ls confident that as soon as the Germans become lamiilnr with Johnnycake and mush and milk tho ex ports of American corn will Increase The late Samuel J. Tildeu was the first public man to suggest acquainting Europe with the virtues ot cornme 1. He persuaded Ahrain Hewitt, then in Congress, to Intro duce a bll, appropriating $100,000 to enable the Government to illustrate to the foreign ers what n boon they could And in cornmeal. When tho bill was culled up for consideration "Sunset" Cox saw an oppor tunity to poke a little fun at the idea ofa cornmeal crusade, and he actunlly had the bill laughed out of tho Hone. If it had not been for this bit of ill-timed morriment American corn might long ago have formed the chief articlo of export. The Senate's, Splendid Opportunity. Norrlstown Herald. The Senate need not imitate what it can not help regarding as couduot intended for partisan effect. There can be no objection to probing tho matter to the very bottom, even thnagh the investigation be deemed untimely. No effort should be spared to hs certatu who is guilty and punish accord ingly. The Republican majority will not for u moment hesitate in tholr whole duty. They have u splendid opportunity to show that they have no partisan feeling that will mteriere wltn the work in band. OUfi MAIL PODOH. Too Much Superstition. To Hie Editor of Tbe Dispatch: One would think in this enlightened age, and especially In the United States, under the beneficent Influences of our free institu tions and the innumerable highways open to education and wisdom, that superstition and its accompanying ignorance would be banished from among us. Such, however, ls not the case. It nppears that the human mind, and especially the mind of the young. Is in some indeflnab'le manner ever reaching out after the supernatural, and a "well authenticated" ghost story published in n reputable nnwannnAr nr Timsruxine finds its adult votaries In every community, who have witnes ed just suoh unaocountable phenomena and are ever ready to produce them as proof positive of the probable au thenticity of tho published report under discussion. Moreover, this condition of things is not by any means confined to the lower nnd reputed ignorant classes, but ex ists in more pretentious and refined homes, and may even find nourishment in the sanc tum of some of the newspapers and educa tional journals of the day. Thousands npon thousands read tbe glow ing accounts from time to time of wonder ful and unaccountable occurrences, such as flres originating at intervals in all parts of some poor victim's residence: the scattering of dishes in the cupboard to the fourcorners of the room: the displacement of heavy fnrnlture by an invisible hand: or, as pub lished in the dallies recently, a chair with its fair occupant lifted bodily from the floor to the center of the table by Spiritualistic, means. Yet how very few ever read a truth fnl cxpoHition of these mammoth super natural frauds. , There ls a broad field open for useful and commendable work for the newspapers that will condemn on sight all such supernatural phenomena and ghost stories and later ex pose the same to the light of truth, thus con terrlngan nvaluable boon upon the youth of our land, and, through them, upon the nation and tbe world. Dr. J. O. McCbexrt. McKKZsrOBT, October 17. Some Coinage Connndrums. To the Editor of The Dlspatcn: In the issne of September 29, "N," of Wam pum, Pa., asked some plain and direct ques tions. In your editorial you answer, but in such a way and suoh language that I, as well as many others, fail to comprehend or un derstand. Perhaps the fanlt Is in mo. But as you are the educator will you please make plain by answering the following questions: Has not the Government of the United States the solo sovereign power and authority to make money? Are not all other powers or persons forbidden and prohibited from making money and a penalty attached on conviction for so doing? Is it not, then, the duty of the Govern ment to make full legal tender money and in amount sufficient to make the ex changes of products and do all tbe busi ness of the country with legal tender money? What kinds of money are fall legal tender? What is the parity between gold and silver for coining purposes? Has it ever been changed; if so, when, what and bow? Wns the silver dollar t any time In the United States worth more than a gold dol lar: If so, when and why? In your editorial of September 29 you state that if a man now should take 1,000 silver dollars to London, England, that he would realize but $760. But if he would take 1000 gold' dollars he will realize $1,000. I cannot see bow that can be, as English coin is eleven-twelfths fine while ours i but nine tenths fine, payment being made by the English standard, which is finer than ours. In payments of balances between countries does money pass by tale or count or go at its bullion or commodity price. B. Fbaskliit, Pa., October 16. What Pittsburg Needs. To the Editor of The Dispatch: The citizens of Pittsburg are too slow to do anything to help make it what it should be. Why can't we have a public building like other cities to accommodate any con vention that may bo held. To hold the Be Subllcan convention here would do Fltts urggoodin many ways, and to have the honor of nominating the Hon. James G. Blaine would bo a feather In our cap. Pittsburg should keep pace in all things with the out side world. S. J. J. PiTTSBtnia, October 17, IDYLS OP THE H0O& All He Wanted to Know. Chicago Tribnne.1 Ho was a stranger from oufl"West. Ha paused as he went inside the door of the city church and whispered to the usher: "Sermon's .begun, haint it?" "Yes," answered tbe usher. "What's he preaohln' about?" "I hardly know yet. The text ls the first verse of the second chapter of Lamenta tions " "I don't want to hear him," said the stranger, with decision, as he backed hastily out of the door. "He's a calamity howler." Traveling for Safety. Seattle Telegraph. An American who wns on his flrst trip on an English railway quite held hi breath at tho rapid running. When his nervousness rather overcame him he approached the guard: "I say, guard," ho ventured, "this is pretty fast traveling for safety, isn't it?" "Oh no, sir," replied the guard; "we never run off the line here, sir." "But," said the Yankee quickly, resenting the patronage, "it is not the line I'm afraid of running off your little island." One for Buttons. Detroit Free Press.J Tho doctor and his wife were looking for a bright boy, well-shaped, to be uniformed and wait at the door on patients. "Hore's Just the one for our 'Buttons,' " she said of a cheerful little chap. "That's so," responded tho husband, "hell make a lively buttonlere," and they took the bird of promise homo with them. Bints for Christmas. Texas Sittings. Already the little boy begins to insinuate about Christmas. "I dreamt last night that you gave me a five-dollar gold piece for Christmas, and that pa gave me a ten-dollar bill." "My little boy, don't yon know that dreams go by contraries. You will be disappointed," said the mother. "No I won't. If tbe dream goes by con traries, then you will give me the ten-dollar bill, and pa will give me the five-dollar gold piece. 1 am safe, anrhow." A Regular Maelstrom. Boston Courier. Wooden Did you hear those eight fellows playing a double quartet on four pianos? Bulflnch I should think I did. "It was a perfect cataract of music, wasn't it?" "A cataract 1 Why it was a regular male Strum !" It is Keducing Taxation Philadelphia Press. The McKinloy tariff is reducing taxation on the people at the rate of $20,000,000 a quarter. Four years of President Cleveland did not reduce the burdens of taxation a cent. THE SUMMEB CAB. A line of pictures fairly hung, WeU placed In advantageous light. Will readily be classed among The things that bring the eye delight; But here a gallery fairer far Eihibltslntliebummercar. Just glance along the comely row. What gracious attitudes we meet: What beauteous cheeks with Pleasure glow. What lovely eyes our wonder greet? It's out of sight, and more than par. The beauty show In th' summer car. Two dudes with mouths wldo open, stare. Completely rattled at the sight. Forget to pose with usual care, Forje fliemselves with quick delight: Augustus cries, with brisk hurrah. Now, twig those gaerls In th' sunnhah cab,!" And, gazing, note that frowsy maid, With dress untidy, and no shoes. Who lugs a babe, nnd seems afraid To dump It, lest her charge she lose) She says: "How sweet them ladles sire A riding In th' summer car." A colored brother on a walk Here meets a chum with friendly word. Ills speech he checks with sudden halt. And says, In tones less plainly heard, "Sam Johnslngt Hftyo' eyes updar, ' Whar gallaxles shine de summer car." ALTTUI Tabqb, , CURIOUS CONDENSATIONS. The population of the Tiji Islands is 123,000, Of the 44,000 lady teachers in France, 11,000 n. re Sisters. Only 1J per cent of the population of India can read and write. The Imperial University ot Tokio, Japan, has 3,000 scholars enrolled. There are over 12,500,000 pupils in the public schools of the United States. Hypnotic patients obey the phonograph as readily as they do the living speaker. Over f 100,000 worth of pearls was found in mussels on the Sugar river, Wisconsin, last summer. Anew colonial coin issued by Great Britain hag on Its obverse the Arabic word "Adll," meaning Justice. Eleven thousand applications for ad mission as students to the Stanford Uni versity in California have already been made. In an English coal mine plants have grown at a depth of 1,000 feet. They were perfectly erect and their foliage was blanohed. A numberof Boston workmen struok the other day because their "superintendent" was referred to la some printed statement as a "foreman." A vein of gray copper ore four feet wido and assaying $000 per ton silver has been struck nt Mnllan, Idaho. It is said to bo, the biggest strike of tbe season. In one day recently a good wife in Hur ray, County, Ga., pulled 209 bundles or fodder and tied up 110 bundles. The report doesn't state what the old man was doing. The earliest traces of algebraic knowl edge are found in Egypt. Ahmes who lived in 1400, B. C dealt with geometric and alge braic problems in a papyrus manuscript. More white children are color blind than Indians. An examination of 250 white0 children disclosed five who were colorblind, while among the same number of Indian boys none were found. A Southern exchange is the authority for the statement that in a Georgia settle ment is a' "school with 21 scholars, all earry intr the same surname Dresgora. Aunt Ta hitha Dreggors is the grandmother of the lot." An initial velocity of seven mile a sec ond would be needed to send a projectile beyond the earth's attraction. This nnv soon be made possible if the rate of progress the science o explosives is making bo kept up. The inspectors at "Whatcom, Wash., are so keen In their search for smuggled opinm that the other day when a man eame in with 100 salmon and rookcod, the customs " Inspector cut them all wide open In search of "dope," without finding any. The Carson Appeal says that Nevada has never had suoh an apple crop as this year. The trees are breaking under the loads of frott, and there nre no pests, cinoh bnes or cottony scale to interfere with the biggest crop ever raised in that State. A Leeds, England, inventor, claims that he has constructed several electrio clocks which are driven by natural electric ity from the earth itself. "I find," he savs, "by the galvanometer that the earth's cur rents vary very much, but by an automatic arrangement fixed by the pendnlnm, I can keep time to within one minute in 13 months," Even in hats there is poison. Alcoholis beverages, tobacco, tea, coffee, milk, water, air, the money we interchange, all are dan gerous, toxic; any of them enough, in fact, to give a nervous man nightmare. But the "top" hat, this is the last blow. Man has clung to it so long and o lovnllv. Lead poisoning is the danger in hats, particularly in now ones. In boring artesian wells on the Pacific; Coast great depths are reached before strik ing water. At J.iral and Monclarn the wells are 1,536 and 1,280 feet in depth. The supply is inexhaustible, but the water has to be pnmped. In Texas water has been struck at 2,031 feet at Haskell, 1.870 at Lonefelder. and 1.608 at Spofford. The water is good, but it did not flow in August. There is a woman hermit in Massachu- Boston Journal, sounds like a tale in tho nction. She ts M years old and is said to have $128,000 concealed lnher house. She be longs to a wealthv Louisiana family, but ran away from boarding school when a voung girl and married ayoungman with moderate means. A carpenter named Porsley from Bards town, Ky., while hunting with a party on the plains in 1804, was driven by hostile Sioux to the high ground in the rear of Pike's Peak. Near the headwaters of the La Platte river he found a little gold and car ried it in his shot pouch for months. Some time later, while in Santa Fe, he told the Spaniards there of his discovery, and they tried to induce him to lead them to the place, but he refused on the ground that It was on United States territory. Being afraid that the Spaniards would carry him away ho appealed ro Lieutenant Z. M. Pike, who was in Santa Fo In 1807, for protection. Tho facts were published bv tbe lieutenant after hLs return from Mexico, but no Ameri cans took the hint. At the recent International Congress of Hygiene the mortality of persons In various proressionsbetween the ages of 25 and 6J was rated as follows: Ecclesiastics, 100: gardeners, 100; farmers, 114; grocers, 139; fishermen, 143; cabinet makers, 148: lawvors, 152: workers In silk. 152; mechanics, 155: merchants, 15: clothiers, 159: mlnere, 160; shoemakers, 1C6: commercial travelers. 171; bakers. 172: mill ers, 172: upholsterers, 173; masons. 171: black smiths, 175; clerks. 179; road laborers, 185; workers in wool, 186; gunsmiths, 186; tailors, 189: hatters, 192; printers, 193; workers in cotton. 196: physicians, 202: stone quarrv men, 202: binders, 210: Dutchers,211; glasi. makers, 214; plumbers, painters, etc., 216: cutters, 229; brewers, 245: cab drivers, 267: wine morchants. 274; notters, 304; Cornwall miners, 331; weavers, 338: hotel boys, 337. BAZAB BUZZINGS. "Carton has written a story that'll make your hair carl," said Mawson, Get it for me. for goodness sake!" said Mrs. M. ' 'It'll save me from burning my Angers off with tue tongs. But yestermorn he loved this life as lovers loTe the stars. To-day he's filled with Inward strife: He-smoked his pap's cigars. Mamma Why, Johnny! why do you call grandpa grandma? Johnny 'Cor papa said he was an old woman. Customs Inspector (to Chappie, wearing a very loose-fitting sult)-You'U have to pay duty on those clothes, young man. That UtUegama won't work. They're three sizes too big. Yoa've brought 'em in for some one else. Chappie Go 'way, yon Insulting man! This Is my English suit. Inspector Ob, excuse me! I didn't know that. Trot along. The wisest of all mortals is The man who, dull and slow. Doth silent keep the tongue that's his On what he doesn't know. Mr. Howard Lillian, what shall we do with George? He ls a good servant, but ha goes oat so much. Mrs. Howard Can't yon get him s position in tbe postofflce as an outgoing domestic mall? "I don't like our new waitress," taid lit Ue Waldo. "Why not?" asked his mamma. "She spoke to me before we were Introduced," returned Waldo. "There is one man in the world that is Invariably bound to rise, " said Hicks. "What one is that?" queried Mawson. "The man who sits on a tack." "Mrs. Garrill fell down stairs and bit her tongue in two." "Poor Garrill! If that woman has two tongues. Heaven knows what will become of him!" "Before we were married' you used to opmpare me to spring," said Maud, after tbe quarrel. "You're Ilk' It yet," retorted John. "Yoa Wake me tired." "Well, Bastus, were you convicted of stealing that goose?" "No, sab. I was aequltlvated. sah, on an erraa In de indictment, sah. De fowel were uot a goose, butago'Un, sah." "Why, driver, it's only three blocks from here to Cortlandt street. Two dollars is too much to charge for that." "But, don't you see. sir, the streets ls so hob structed these days hl'H 'ave to drive down a harf-dozen blocks, thca hover seven or height, and then hup and hover again." "Did Bronson save anything from tba wreck oflils fortune?" "Yes. Fortunately for him, bis" wife had beer shopping tbe dar before he failed, and all tbe gooas oaa oeea sent name."
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers