TEE PITTSBURG- -DISPATCH, 'ITtlDAY, AUGUST 1, "' 1891. m mm ESTABLISHED FEBRUARY 8. 1M0. Vol. ;No. 17:. Filtered at Pittsburg Potofllcc. November 11, ls.17, a second-class, matter. Business Office Corner Smithfield and Diamond Streets. ' News Rooms and Publish'ng House 7S and So Diamond Street, in New Dispatch Building. nTr.i! AnvmnrsivR ovf ion. room si, THIBUNE BUILDING. NEW YORK, where eom 11JCW files ofTHEDI'-l'vmiranjilwavs be lound. Piirrign adertlers appreciate the convenience. Home advertisers ami friend- 01 THE DISPATCH, Millie In New York, are alo made elconie. THE DISrATCUitresnlirluart mle at Brai'ino' s, A Union bfuarc. Xeto lark, ami V At d- r Opera, Pari. France, tcltere awwntf tclio has been aliap 3vi3)il 'at a hotel nrrcs stand can o'rflf n it. TERMS or THE DISPATCH. POSTAGE FREE IX THE EXITED STATES. DAILY DiirATCii, One Year J S 00 DAIL1 Dispatch, l'er Quarter. 2 00 DaIT Y DisrATCII. One Month TO 1XU1A nisrATCn, Including Sunday, 1 rear.. 10 00 Daily Disr itch, lnclucling Sundav. 3 m'ths. 2 SO Daily DisriTm. including; Sunday. 1 ui'th.. SO 5u;oW DlPTCH. One Year 2 SO "Weekly Dir ktch. One Year 125 The V ly rirATrn Is delivered by carriers at 25 cents pe- wrfk, or. including Sunday Edition, at 20 cents per week. PITTSBURG, SATURDAY. AUGUST 1, 1S1. THE EXrKKN-IO"5 FOU KtAIXE. The one .sure thinsr in the Presidental prospect hieh is now presenting interest ing phages daily as instanced in the liake-np of the Republican National Com mittee is that Mr. Blaine will have a piactieally unanimous nomination from his party, if his health permits. Should he he in even passable health, it is doubtful if he will be ghen beforehand an opportunity to decline. That is to say, the expressions from the party upon the subject will make it so sufficiently clear to liira that he is the unequivocal choice, alike of the leaders and of the rank and file, as to leave him no excuse for declina tion short of absolute physical inability to discharge the duties of the Presidency if elected. The situation now has taken the aspect of the office seeking the man, in place of the man seeking the office. This must be wholly gratifying to the statesman who has lived to see the objections which were once urged vehemently against him gradu ally dissipated, and the masterly qualities of his mind lifting him in national estima tion head and shoulders above co-temporary politicians. The recent change in the party manage ment, while interesting, cannot cheek, and is hardly needed to promote, a drift of public preference -which is becoming stronger every day. MTFER'S WILL O' THE -WISP. The "fiat" money schemes of Senator Feller and other Farmers' Alliance apos tles are said to be in high lavor in the South. The Democratic party is threat ened there with the fate that befell Republi cans last fall. Rut surely the cheap money fever cannot last It has attacked the nation at stated intervals for half a oentury, but the common sense of the ma jority has always thrown off the disease before it has done much harm. The lesson of other countries' experience with the plague ought to be enough to us. The Argentine Republic tried the Alliance plan of financiering in all essential particulars, with what result? The ciedit of the Argentine Republic is in ruins, everything in It, bs it public or private enterprise, has come to a standstill, and the financial foundations of the world are still trembling from the shock Do the farmersof Kansasand Texas and of the South expect any better result from Senator Peffer's proposal that the Govern ment should lend them money directly at one per cent to pay off mortgages? The plan is about as substantial as the meteoric Ix-ard of the prophet who proposes it Elsewhere in this issue will be found a concise history of the Argentine Repub lic's experience with cheap money. It is a plain, unvarnished statement of fact that anybody can understand. The fate of the country that follows any such will o the wisp as "cedulas" or sub-treasuries and unlimited loans at one per cent, or any of the fantastic schemes of creating wealth for all by act of Congress, must always be that of the Argentina With the United States, of course, the crash would be worse a ihouand-fold. I'.IG CHOI'S AND I1KTTER THICKS. Not for a long while Ins the outlook been so encouraging for farmers as now. The American crops are unusually large; the European crops are abnormally small, and as a consequence the American farmer will realize better prices for his products. In -wheat alone the advantage of the American farmer is already apparent The wheat crop of the world should bo about two billions of bushels, of which the United States should furnish about one quarter. The demand for export will be sharper than for years, and it is estimated that 230,000,000 bushels will be available for export. For these breadstuffs prices are sure to be better. How much money will be realized from the wheat crop depends largely upon the more or less artificial manipulation of the market Tne wheat growers of the West and Northwest are planning to hold back crops for better prices, and the movement is receiving the support of a large specula tive element Rut a more substantial frctor in the elevation of prices here is the shortage in Europe. . It is already re ported that Russia is buying grain exten sively in order to make up for the failure of the crop in the Czar's dominions. With immense crops aud good prices it is plain that an era of unwonted prosperity is in store for the larmers. AVnEKE SILENCE IS SILVERN". Ex-President Cleveland's determination not to speak in Ohio is criticised in all sorts of ways. Some Republican journals profess to regret the ex-President's silence. So do some of the anti-Cleveland Demo cratic papers, on widely different grounds. The New York Tribune, for instance, is sorry the country has been deprived of the majestic spectacle of Mr. Cleveland upon the stump in Ohio, fearlessly assailing the false and pestilent theories of the silver fanatics, and holding aloft the standard of honest money and sound finance. It would be amusing to have Mr. Cleveland speak for the Demo cratic ticket in Ohio, and in the same breath go for the free silver plank in the Democratic platform. The cx President doubtless sees this himself. Some critics of his own party aver that Mr. Cleveland keeps in the background because stump-speaking is not his forte. The Xew York Sun, an old enemy, asserts that he will not make campaign spcecnes for Campbell because he has not the j ability. Another journal insinuates he does not care to assist a possible rival in the Presidental field. These are only a tithe of the current comments, and there are dozens of others both favorable and unfavorable. But ex-President Cleveland's conduct is consistent In the first place it is not in cumbent upon him to make speeches for the Democratic candidate for Governor in Ohio. It is not in the best of taste for a prominent candidate for the Presidental nomination to make an oratorical splurge out of season. This may have been the reason "which induced Mr. Cleveland to keep out of the Ohio fight. But it would have been bad politics if he had decided otherwise. He could not have afforded to speak against the platform of his candi date, and yet he could not have remained silent upon the silver question. His silver letter vsould have been thrown up at hini if he had tried to avoid that awkward topic. Lastly, Cleveland's ab sentation from the Ohio canvass may he due to a premonition of defeat This is the soundest argument of all, for Mc Kinley, standing with the business judg ment of the country upon the tariff and upon silver, is not easily to be defeated, and little is to be gained liy a candidate for Presidental honors in a losing fight Whether he abstains from simple inclina tion, from political sagacity or from what ever motive, Mr. Cleveland acts wisely in steering clear of Ohio this fall. A NEW TRIBUTE TO THE TARIFF. The growing prosperity of the country and its increasing commerce are driving the tariff reformers and free traders into an uncomfortable corner. They have said very little about the results of the new tariff as disclosed in the recently pub lished Treasury report, and have generally evinced of late less inclination to discuss the protective policy. If the tanffites could persuade everybody else to keep similar silence they might be happy, but they cannot Even their friends will talk indiscreetly. Here is the British Consul General at New York, Mr. W. L-. Booker, frankly admitting in his report to Iler Majesty's Government an improvement of American manufacturing interests under the new tariff. "Xew life has been imparted to the cotton, woolen, worsted, and knit underwear industries, " he says, and then goes on to describe a healthy condition of the textile manufact uring interests all over the country, but especially in the South. The production has been of larger volume than ever in cotton goods, and Consul Hooker is authority for a statement that the McKin ley tariff is responsible for this. As to worsted goods, Mr. Booker states, "this industry has been marked by fresh life since the new tariff has to a great extent cut off the importation of the lowest grades of such goods. All the old factories have started up, and are making goods on safe orders; and new mills are being erected by European and British capitalists with a view to manu facturing a finer class of dress goods than ever before. This is evidence from an unexpected quarter that the McKinley tariff is a pro tector of domestic industries and a means of fostering new enterprise in this coun try's manufactures. An English consul has no inducement to falsify in this direc tion. We believe that it will be six months, or possibly even a year yet, before an adequate estimate can be made of the full effects of the McKinley bill; but it is interesting to note that, as the returns come in, they are favorable, and just the opposite of opponent's predictions. PAST ENOUGH FOR CS. It is hard for Europeans to understand how we get along comfortably without a host of institutions, superstitions and tradi tions deemed indispensable in the Old World. A writer in the Journal des Debats, of Paris, presents one phase of this per plexity in comparing the patriotism of the citizens of the United States and that of European peoples. His argument is inge nious, and a part of it may be quoted: Country and patriotism in the United States do not resemble what we understand by the words in Europe, and especially in Prance. In this respect there is a decided contrast between the Old and the Now World. America is a mosaic. It would be useless to point out the numerous and more or less different stones of which it is composed. In nearly all the countries of Europe the nation, the country, and the State arc ancient and almost immemorial, reaching far back and seeming to grow greater and grander in the mystic fogs of the past. In the UnitedStates theoc same objects stand out whole and en tire in tho plain light of the present. Behind them the historic horizon is wanting. The imagination of Americans has remained a stranger to the charms of those old tilings, to tho religion of origins. They live in the present and still more in the future. If there is any mystery which attracts them, it is not behind them; it is before them. Therefore w e must not expect to find among them that sentiment of hereditary solidarity which is engendered by a national life rich in trials of all sorts prolonged through a succession of generations. The Frenchman may be pardoned for failing to appreciate the immense compen sation to the American who has only a hundred years or so of past to contem plate; but the compensation is full and complete nevertheless. The present in the United States contains more substan tial satisfaction for the citizen than all the retrospection of fourteen centuries of the monarchy or the brief existence of the Republic in France can bring Frenchmen. Europeans are welcome to go into raptures over the ancient grandeur of the mystic fogs of the past, but Americans will strenuously prefer to fix their eyes upon the stupendous outlines of their great Republic in the future. This is just about the time of the year that the political leaders think, that because a man or a measure suits them, it will please everybody. Theie are many exccDtions to the rule they follow. United States District Attoeney Lvox declares that there are no trusts in Pennsylvania, hence he cannot act under lecent instructions to prosecute under the anti-trust law. Perhaps there are no trusts in this State, but it requires a fine dis crimination to detect thodinerence between trusts and some Pennsylvania business asso ciations. There are some organizations very like trusts, and it behooves the District Attorney to make a close investigation before making his final decision on the a.ucstion. If he finds a trust or two, and he doubtless will if Vie looks close enough, the law should take its course. What has become of Iridescent Ingalls? He is too interesting a figure in politics to be spared; and no Alliance should be able to snuff him out. A company has been formed to operate a line of steamers from Toledo and other ports to Liverpool, which shows the im portance of the experiment tried by the steamer Whctmore. With the Erie Ship Canal Pittsburg would be added to the list of cities visited by this company's vessels. This will add scores of friends to tho proj ect. It is only another reason why we should have a shifting outlet to the lakes. ItAriD transit is a necessity in a large city, but street pedestrians sometimes pre- fer to go to the other world by a little slower route. The poorest paid Government employe is the school teacher. The census shows that the average salaries paid those w ho are sup posed to know enough to teach the younger generation is "but a trifle more than is paid tho ordinary shop girl. Domestics in fami lies receive larger salaries if their board is taken into consideration. It is time that brain work should be properly compen sated. The Pirates should not be blamed for winning yesterday's ball game they couldn't help it. The dress of women is receiving a good deal ot attention from the Chautauqua orators this season.but.althouglithe present style of feminine attire is condemned on all sides as deforming the beauty of womnn's natural figure, no one has yet clearly de fined a satisfactory substitute. Senator Peffeb's tongue is as long as his beard, and both are far more imposing than his brains. It is said that the people ol India are be coming impressed with the idea that im provement is necessary. Considering that theie are 2S0,O0O,OC0 natives, according to the latest census, there ought to be enough brains among them to rapidly bring the country to the front rank. TnE New York papers have not killed Mr. Blaino with any now disease for several days. TnE new weather prophet at Washington seems to be more successful than his prede cessor in his forocasts. He has been known to be correct in his prognostications at least three times in succession. THE UPPER TEW. Jay Gould, hi&daughter Helen, his son Howard, and his physician. Dr. Munn, left New York Monday night for Colorado Springs. Rev. James Nelson, of Staunton, Va., has been elected President of the Female College at Richmond to succeed Dr. P. B. Hobgood, resigned. Miss Emma Eajies, the operatic artist, was married yesterday at the Registrar's Office, in London, to the son of W. W. Storey, the well-known sculptor. Dr. JAMES W. BABCOCK, of the Mc Lean Asylum, Somcrville, has been ap pointed Superintendent of the South Caro lina State Asylum at Columbia. Mrs. Amelie Rives-Chanler and her friends, Miss Pleasants and Miss Page, sailed for America on tho steamship La Gas coigne, which is due in Now York on Aug usta. The general impression that ex-State Senator J. S. Fassett, just appointed Col lector of the Port of New York, is a million aire, is said to be erroneous. He has a com fortable fortune, but it does not run up into the millions. MRS. Jane Roberts, widow of Presi dent Koborts, of the Liberian Republic, sailed for England last w eek with several thousand dollars which she has raised to ward building 'a hospital at Monrovia. From England she will go to Liberia. Herman Celman, the South American millionaire, who is soon expected in New York with his $1,003,000 yacht, the Southern Cross, is only 2S years of age and has an in come of $500,000 a year. He is the only son of cx-Piesident Celman, of the Argentine Republic. Senhor Salvador Mendonca, the Brazilian Minister, is the wealthiest man in the diplomatic corps at "Washington. A portion of his lortune he made in invest- nients in Brazil and a very comfortable 1 sum canto to him as his wife's dowry. Mme. Maria Mendoca, is an American, and the Minister's four daughters have spent almost all their lives in this country. Hon. Thomas F. Morgan, Commis sioner of Indian Affairs, will leave New York on Saturday for a trip to Europe, for tho benefit or his health. Assistant Secre tary Spauldtng has left Washington for a three weeks' visit to his home in St. John, Mich. C. F. Betton, private secretary to General Bussey, Assistant Secrotaryof the Interior, has resigned to go into private business in the West. A BAB TO KISSES. A Little Hoy Who Eats Onions to Get Ahead of the Ladies. New York Commercial Advertiser. Down at Nantucket Beach they tell this story: When Governor Hill visited that place recently he was received with quite an ovation from the assombled natives and summer boarders, who gathered on tho beach to receive him as he stepped from the small boat that carried him from the yacht Fra Diavalo. Among those congregated on the beach was the Kodgers family, of this city. The senior Rodgers is a prominent lawyer. Tho next conspicuous member of the family, besides the mother, is their sou Tudor. This boy is a child of 4 years. If a vote was taken in this big city as to who was the most beautiful child it is conceded by those who know that this boy w ould get the prize. No one appreciates this lact more than the women. The child Is a con-' stant object of their admiration, and if it is possible to get him within arms reach they are bound to secure a kiss from hira, and the child has become heartily sick of it. When Governor Hill stepped 011 shore little Tudor very naturally became an object of his admiration, and the Governor naturally wanted to kiss the child; but upon his attempt to do so the boy drew back and emphatically refused to be kissed. The Governor was rather amazed at this, but to humor tho child said to him: "But, my little man, if you refute to kiss me, what do you do when the ladies want to kiss you?" Quick as a w ink the boy replied : "I cat onions !" ALLEGHENY CLUBS IN CAMP. The Banks of Conneaut Lake tho Scene of Mubic and Revelry. 'SPECIAL TELEGRAM TO THE DISPATCn. Coknkatjt Lake, July 31. Camping clnbs from Pittsburg and vicinity are holding the fort along the lake here, several of them having come in during the past week. The La France Club, of Allegheny, has pitched its tents on the very point of Lover's Leap, and will settle there for a two weeks' out ing, the time to be mainly devoted to fish ing. This club is composed of 25 young members, who have already made an im pression on account of their excellent con duct, and they are said to have the finest camping outfit along tho lake, which is say ing a great deal. The Ellsworth Camping Club, of Alle- gheny, has also gone into camp hero, on 'aklantt beach, for a two weeks' stay. This is the first visit of this club to the lake. They have a first-class Pittsburg orchestra with them, and arc nightly making it pleas ant for their less lortunate neighbors." These clubs, with other campers, were ten dered a free excursion by Captain Keller, of the steamer Nickel Plate, last night, and a lively time was had, tho orchestra furnish ing excellent dancing music. A JUDGE FINED HIMSELF. His Own Cow Ruined His Garden and He Paid the Damages. Lewiston Journal. Perhaps the most disgusted man in Somer set county is a Justice of the peace who is the owner of a fine garden, the pride of his heart. The other day he was informed that an unruly cow had wrought desolation in his Eden and at once ordered the animal sent to tho pound. Then he went up to view tho wreck and after noting the vacant places where tho beets and corn had been, the trampled down squashes and cabbages and the demoralized pea vines and sunflowers, and ascertaining, as ho sup posed, the owner of the cow, he made out a writ against that individual, containing, so the Fairfield Journal is informed, 14 different and distinct counts.including trespass,forci ble entry, malicious mischief, nuisance, riotous and disorderly conduct, and assault and battery with intent to kill. It was then that he learned that the tres passer was his own cow, and his ire cooled as ho meekly paid a field driver for getting her out of the pound. More Home Grown Tin. Columbus Dispatch. The Steubenville Herald says a tin mill 60x141, with two sheds 42x144 feet, is being attached to the iron axle mill at Wcllsvilie. This looks like business. :. , .- . .ji -iJ-v: AiirfiiB..., K-w.---Letv..aiJfc . A'LjaHflgj-. -, aJLLk'mtr t rik mMfrtitti.r1i1WhM-m SNAP SHOTS IN SEASON. The man who has too many irons in the fire w ill surely allow sorao of them to grow cold. Vacation A restful word, isn't it? When your yonng eyes blinked over tho lesson in tho little rod house on the hill, the primary wing of the big academy, or the cozy schoohoom in the old homestead, it always seemed afar off, didn't it? The big letters danced under your diowsy orbs, the figures cut queer capers, the teacher looked like a giant, andyou longed for rest. And it came with the vacation tho days spent in green fields, shady woods, or high hills, be side quiet waters. It came with tho summer uays oac anu. uuu, nuup uim wuuup, rou and line, boat and bathe. When the book was shut w ith a bang the eyes brightened, tho sinews tightened, the heart lightened. And you grew tired resting, too, didn't you? But you never tired of the sun, the scene, the change from the desk-dotted room to tho daisy-decked land. And as the days drove you onward and upward drove you out of the school into the world, chased you Irom the flowers to the forest, pushed you from play to work, the old vacation days came back again, with the longing for them over again intensified. The task has taken the plaoe of the lesson, or course; and over it the brain throbs, andtheheart beats, and the hand trembles; and you sigh for the clov er-spotted meadow, the swash of the sea, the ripple of the stream, the shade of the wood the change, the rest. Perhaps you will get your vacation, perhaps not. In childhood it was a certainty; in manhood it's too often a dream a memory. But If you don't, sigh not. Let the pleasures of the fortunates come in upon you like tho music of tho musician you cannot see but whose sweet strainsyou hear. Rest will come to you by turning over life's leaves backward and scanning the sunny page. But it will not come when you Bhut out tho sounds or the merry throngs, close your cars to tho laugh ter, blind your eyes to the procession of happy faces, begrudge others what you can not enjoy yourself. Perhaps, after all, the shadow is better than the substance. Who can tell? Don't judge a man by the house he oc cupies. He may be behind in his rent. One can always meet a chance acquaint ance in the Oil Exchange. Poyerty is not a crime merely an in convenience: Surface indications are more liable to lead the drill into a dry hole than a paying oil well. Ex-Speaker Reed learned to talk French while abroad, and next winter he will be taught to walk Spanish. Swan's down is usually up. The churches seem to be casting out more saints than devils nowadays. The Asbury Version. Man wants but little here below, Except at Asbury, Where the little must be very long To reach below tho knee. The fish liar will soon be making his listeners tired. The granger who puts a mortgage on his farm in order to enable him to enter politics will be the hired man on tho old place before many campaigns roll around. During stormy weather many steam ship captains cross the Atlantic without leaving the bridge. A pavement is not finished until the property owners lay down the stuff. People who purchase adulterated coffee don't know beans. The best household recipes contain the name of the dealer. The Coldstream Guards manage to keep the British war office in hot water, at all events. Breach of promise suits frequently follow bathing suits. Doctors are sly fellows. They never present their bill until the pitient is physic ally able to stand the shock. We all have axes to grind, but, un fortunately, all of us do not own a grind stone. July is putting on its sweetest smile to greet golden decked August, and but ifs best to stop right here, else we may run into a shower. We Meet to Part. A girl, A kiss A whirl Of bliss. In dance. A wife, A glance A strife. So sly; A row, A sigh. A bow. A walk, Divorce, A talk, Of course! Some brassy men have been perpetuated in bronze. Scrap piles would seem to be the proper places lor conducting prize fights. The never-contented farmer will soon be kicking because his granaries aro not big enough. It must be awfully dull in England now. Not even tho hint of a scandal in palace or hall. The London season will soon lift tho lid off, howevor, and then tho ghosts will walk once more. If man is 'fearfully and wonderfully made, and the Psalmist says he is, how about tho milliner-manipulated woman? The jolly dog is the one who wears.a D. P. s. tag. ' "The first shall be last" wouldbo anap propriate motto for the local ball team. U The whisky at the summer resorts must be of a Better quality tms season than here tofore. No sea serpents have been sighted yet. Girls should remember that a fresh face is quoted higher in the matrimonial market than a fresh tongue. ' The business man who settles up with JUS UlUlllbUlO AaALXj uuu D4UU.VIJ I.U.U BUl(10 down snugly and quietly. The World's Fair boomers now swing ing around the circle are finding out that the world's fair if you only know how to take it. Drowned Her Voice. He passed her on the sandy beach, She spoke, but ho ne'er bowed; He could not hear hor gentle speech. As her bathing dress was loud. It's harder to carry a pack of lies than a pack of merchandise. A close season for seals means more money for woman's winter clothes. It's no longer blue Monday in Pittsburg, but Blue-law Sunday. Boss rollers should make clever gam biers. They can call the turn every time. A ship is called a she because she not infrequently tows in. Take Desperate Chances. It's the way of the world, you know, To put love against gold a mere barter; And that'a why so many old beaux In choosing a wife catch a tartar. The height of some young men's ambi tion is to wear a silk sash. The Spiritualists take criticism kindly,, as they aro accustomed to Jiard raps. TnE billing makes the cooing rather ex pensive at the summer resorts. Keep cool while ybu can. According to some teachers the time will come when you will not bo ablo to keep cool. The girl who presents a bold front wears a vest and jacket. Doctors grow rich on their ill gotten gains. Where are you going to spend your money I mean your vacation this year? Willie Winkle. CLEANLINESS AND GODLINESS. Origin of That Saying as Found by David M. Stone. David M. Stone, editor of tho New York Journal of Commerce writing to tho Sun says: "Tho most gifted Homer may nod In hot weather. I unearthed the saying, 'Cleanli ness is next to Godliness,' after all the quo tation books had failed." He then quotes from his paper: 'W.e do not wonder that our 'Sunday School Pupil1 could not find 'Cleanliness isnextto Godliness' in tho Bible, because it is not there. The sentence first made its anpearance in Berailha as the last Mishna of Sota, chapter IX. Jlixhna (instruction) Is a word applied by the Jews to the oral law, which Is divided into six parts. The Jewish Talmud is a commentary on the Mishna. The leferenceto that are: Talmud Jerus, Skakalim, chapter III., page 6; Talmud babl. Ab. Sarah, page 20 b: Jalket, sh. Isaiah No. 2Ki; and Alfassi ab; Sarah, ibid loc. Here it reads as follows: 'Phinehasben Yairsays: The doctrines of religion nre resolved Into (or are next to) carefulness; carefulness into vigorousness; vigorousness into guiltless ness; guiltlessness into abstemiousness: ab stemiousness into cleanliness; cleanliness into godliness (equal to holiness.) etc., etc. No translation can render it exactly: it is literally 'cleanliness next to (or akin to) godliness;' and this saying is older than the gospels." AN EXPENSIVE STAMP. It Cost a Lot of Worry to Say Nothing of tho Cash. 0 Chicago Tribune. 1 "Look at that!" he exclaimed in disgust, as he exhibited a small notebook. "It is a sort of miniature book," returned the other, "but then you write a small hand." "Yes, I carry a small book and write a small hand, butif you'll measure my hunk of hard luck you'll find it's about a milelsquare. I slipped a postage stampbetween the leaves of that book the other day to save it and it got moist some way and stuclc." "Well, what of it?" "What of it! Why, that represents a dead loss of " "Two cents. What's tho use of making a fuss about it?" "Two cents!" he exclaimed excitedly. "Two cents! Da you suppose I'd holler about the loss of two cents? It represents $5 02. It couldn't find any other place in the book, of course. It couldn't slap itself over asiaeDcorasz ueot, Dut naa to pile on top ofa$5debt, and for tho life of inol can't remember the name of the man who owes it tome. I just remember that there was a $5 memorandum at the top of that page. O, I'll lick tho next stamp I get hold of." AFTEE TWENTY-EIGHT YEAKS. A Maryland Man Returns to Find His Wife a Widow. English, Md., July 31. Francis Tammany disappeared from this town 23 years ago and was supposed to have been drowned in the Ohio river by falling from a steamboat. Sev eral weeks later a body supposed to be his was recovered and buried. Three years after his wifo remarried and as the result of the union with her second husband nine children were born, .eight of whom aro still living with the mother on the old farm. Their father died in 1885. Quite unexpectedly the first husband has reappearbd. He Was not drowned as the re sult of falling from the steamer, but instead he swam to the Kentucky shore, where ho was kindly treated by persons of strong Confederate sympathies. Tammany also sympathized with tho Southern cause and he enlisted in the Con federate army, followed its fortunes until the close of the war and then went to Texas, where he became a cowboyk His wifo has decided to live with him and he ptomises to caro for the family. DEATHS HEBE AND ELSEWHEEE. Kx-Jmlge John Huston Miller. Ex-Judge John Huston Miller died at Steubenville yesterday morning aged 78 years. He was born in Northumberland county. Pa., January 30. 1313, being a son of Amos and Elizabeth Huston Miller. He had been a, continuous resident of Steubenville since 1839. He was admitted to the Ohio bar in 1S40, and for many years occupied a prominent place as an able lawyer aud distin guished Judge in the jurisprudence of the State, being also widely known, professionally, in the adjacent States of West Virginia and Pennsyl vania. He was married in 1S11 to Ann C. StoKely, of Brownsville, Ta., the jounajest daughter of CoIodcI Thomas Stokely. an officer of the Revolu tionary War. She died in ISM. Two children, a son and a married daughter, survive. Judge Miller was tall and straight as an arrow, possessing a fine physique, a brilliant facial expression, a commanding presence, a fine Intellect, aisuperlor intelligence ana that urbanity or courtesy of manner which is often said to be typical of the old-time gentleman. For years he was Judge of the Common Pleas Court for the Third sub-dl vision of the Eighth Ohio Judicial Dis trict, embracing JeiferHOn. Harrison and Tuscara was counties. Politleallv he tormerly atQlatcd with the Whig party, but since 1SV1 he had been an ardent Republican. The Judge was the senior member of the Jefferson county bar, and a prac titioner thereat shoulder to shoulder with such men as Stanton, Moody, McCooK, Stokely and others in the palmy day when this bar t as universally acknowledged to lead the State. Asa private citi zen Mr. Miller w as highly esteemed. For many 5 ears his growing inte.ests and public spiilt have been closely identified with the best welfare of Steubenville. He was connected with the Presb lenan Church. He leacs a large estate. Rev. Mllo G. Hnllock. Itev. Milo G. Bullock, who died suddenly Tuesday at Chicago, was formerly o'ie of the more conspicuous clergymen of interior New York. He served for many years as a memberof the Northern New York Conference of the Methodist Episcopal Church, during which time he had pastoral charge of churches at Little Falls, Clinton. Oswego, Watertown and other Important towns. In 1881 he accepted a call to the pastorate of the Congrega tional Church at Oswego. Later ho became paitor of the Congregational Church at Ansonli, Coun., which post he resigned last fall In order to tako charge of a church or the same denomination at Chicago. Mrs. Dr. J. II. Reynolds. The pleasure of yesterday at the Eidge viewFark Chautauqua Assembly was marred by the sad death of Mrs. Reynolds, the estimable wife of Dr. J. H. Reynolds, a prominent physician of Pittsburg. She had been suffering from lung trouble for many' years and went there for her health, but too late, and died yesterday afternoon at 1:30 o'clock. She had many friends there, and tne day was spent quietly In honor to hermemory. The Interment will take place at AVashlngton, Pa., Monday, August 3. The services, however, are to be held at Rldgevlew Park. Obituary Notes. Mks. Emeboy Vilas Beckwith. daughter of the late Samuel E, Vilas, died at her home in Plattsburg, N. Y Wednesday, aged 55 years. J. lutiieb Ringwalt, who died at Downing ton Pa.. Wednesday, for many years was the edi tor of the Kailway World. He was C3 years old. Odables W. CHASE, Deputy Collector of Cus toms for many yearj at the International Bridge, Black Rock, N. Y., died Friday afternoon. He vvosanold and well-known citizen of North Buf falo. JOHN Axfobd, the veteran printer and pub lisher, died suddenly of heart disease Wednesday, In Brooklyn, in bis 81st year. He was born In England, and was SO years old when lie came to this country aud opened his printing and publish ing office In the Bowery . He was one of the found ers of the American c ews Company. JOHN BENOEBNAGEL, notary public, died sud denly Wednesday at New Orleans. He was a na tive of Brooklyn, and 6erved in the navy during the war. At Its close he settled In New Orleans, marrying a Creole lady, daughter of Judge Dugue. and established a notary business. In whiciihe achieved a marked degree or confidence and com petency. CHABLKS ROBINSON, brother of ex-Governor George D. Robinson, of Massachusetts, died at his home in Newton.Frlday morning, of apoplexy. His age was 62. Mr. Robinson was a lawyer; was Mayor of Charlestown In 1855 and 1866. and al though at the time residing In Newton, was solic itor for the city of Somervllle In 1871 and 1875. He served in the Legislature in 1874 and 1830. OUR MAIL POUCH. A Mountain of a Molehill. TotheEdltorofTheDispatch: Inyourissuo of July 20, under tho above caption, appears an article, that in justice to the citizens and especially to the' mem bers of the J. O. U. A. M. in Conneautville, demands notice, that its flagrant errors may be pointed out. The writer of the communi cation has scorched his own fingers in firing a shot at the Junior Order, which was os tensibly aimed at me. The premature dis charge came in the fonn of slanderous let ters, under tho cloak of "good citizens." These were sont out to intimidate the re cipients into dropping their names from the charter list. Granting that some good citi zens might object to the order on the same ground that they would object to other secret orders, I deny the fact that good citi zens gave their sanction to such methods as wore employed, and I challenge the gentle man to give the names or the good citizens. Remember, please, that good citizens never object to having theirnames connected with a laudable purpose, nnd failure to comply with this request will be bona fide evidence that "good citizens" is a myth, aside from tho author who penned the letters. State Councilor Collins aptly applied the word boomerang to illustrate the effect of the letters in question. To my certain knowledge somo of the members that were lukewarm before receiving the letters are now at fever heat, with one hand on tho throttle and the other on the bell rope, and in clear, unmistakable tones the bell sends out the warning, "Hands off American in stitutions." This deprives no man of his lights, politically or otherwise, so long as he is in sympathy with American ideas. As to those who declined to join, I know of but one, and this individual, accepting his version, declined through no fear of religion, but because he belonged to several orders and did not feel j ustified in adding additional expenses. 1 am credited with claiming that the order was simply a beneficial organization. This is simply an untruth that has no foundation. When asked the aims and objects ol the or der, I havo always given the beneficiary part second place, and so look upon It. In the five objects of the order I look upon tho first and last as primary, viz: First, To maintain and promote the interests of Americans and shield them from the de pressing effects of foreign competition; fifth, To maintain the public school system of tho United States, to prevent sectarian interference therewith, and uphold tho reading of the Holy Biblo therein. Mr. Anonymous, do you object to either of the abovo principles? If so, on what ground? In saying that the order does not contain tho "foremost citizens," you again mislead. Let me enumerate tho Arms which represent the three leading groceries, tw o merchants, and the head clerk in the other store, both banks, one of our leading manufacturers, etc. Only one "Drofessionalman," as yet. Yes, this statement is true, but as soon as two others return from vacation we will claim three out of Ave professional men. Is this not a creditable percentage? In an order that averages 36 years how a man can go on record as saving it is com posed of boys is a mystery. "Yet the gentle man makes the statement that such is, largely, the case. We have probably a dozen under 2L and of this numbor only three would be disqualified by ago from carrying a musket in defense of our country. The faction in sympathy with the writer referred to know full well that threats were made and carried out against numbers who joined the order. If this is an erroneous statement, kindly explain why some have forgotten where they received tonsorial treatment prior to instituting" the Council. Two-edged swords cut both ways, and the back stroke may have equal force and cut ovon deeper. William V. Axeord. Conneautville, July 30. Tho G. A. B. Encampment for 1893. To the Editor of The Dispatch: It is now an assured fact that the National Encampment of the Grand Army of the Re public will not bo held in Philadelphia1 next year. At a meeting of .the commanders of tho various posts in this city yesterday final action was taken upon the subject, and the encampment will not come here next year. Tnonty-soven posts were represented, of which 15 voted against instructing represen tatives to tender the invitation to hold the meeting here and 11 voted in favor. The lepresentative of one post deolined to vote. Vrom Reports in Philadelphia Papers. From the above it would appear that Philadelphia is keeping up her reputation of n big country town. It is well that the mem bers of the G. A. R. throughout the United States should know that they aro not wanted in Philadelphia in 1S92. Were it not that Philadelphia has taken such great pains to lot them know, the members of the National Encampment might have voted to havethe next encampment held in Philadelphia. The votes of the 26 posts would not be a drop in the bucket at the National Encampment, but when it is known that thoy are not wanted, it is hardly likely that Philadelphia will be troubled with the National Encampment in 1892, or any other year in the near futuie. The great West has plenty of first-class cities where the boys in blue are welcome at any time the National Encampment shall honor them with a visit, and extend to them a soldier's welcome. All delegates know that a soldier's welcome means that the dele gates pay their own expenses and the city nays for the fireworks. Old PiTTSBimaEK. Pittsburg, July 31. Interested in Tin. To the Editor of The Dispatch: In an argument A claimed that tin is not composed of any other metals, but is pure tin when dug out of the ground, B claims that yon find in the ore copper and lead to somo extent. Which is right? Tabentum, Pa., July 31. Minnie Y. B is right. Tin must be refined alter it.is mined, the same as gold and silver. In making tin plates pure tin is used. Objects to Decaj'ed Vegetables. To the Editor of The Dispatch: The streot cleaning department, it seems to me, needs to be touched up somewhat, as the odors that arise from the gutters near that part of the city where commission men are found are something dreadful. The smell of decaying fruit and vegetables in the streets is not conducive to the best health. Pittsbubg, July 31. II. H. Cleveland's Plurality Was 94,483. To the Editor of The Dispatch: To decide a wager, please state what ma jority of the popular vote Cleveland had over Harrison. G.F. Pittsborg, July 31. The Corn-Cracker State. To the Editor of The Dlspateli: Will you kindly publish tho popular name of Kentucky and oblige an old Reader, Braddock, July 31. Might Exhibit Him at the Fair. Chicago Times.l Somebody claims to have discovered that Sarah Bernhardt is of American birth. If this project is not nipped in the bud Franco will be trying to shove off Zola on us next. Reason in All Ihings. Boston Herald. 1 The report about the boys snowballing in Wiscassett, Me., indicates that a few more summer boarders can be accommodated down there. REVULSION. The very bones of me rebel, I cannot be resigned; I am so all too tired to tell pf being so refined. My Instincts are to nasty nice, I'd rather be more brute. And not so easy to disgust. And difficult to suit. Mv fun is all a razor-edgo And needle-point affair That hasn't any vicera; My very woes are spare And decorous, aud qualified; A robust grief to me. With groans and tears and taklngs-oa Would be a luxury. I vow I'm going to learn to chew And navy plug, what's more! I'm going to wear a glnglram shirt. And spit right on the floor. Cravats and collars I'll abjure, A slouch shall be my hat; My diet, pork with cabbage (boiled). And beer bock-beer at that. I'll learn to drive a speedy nag. And laugh a boisterous laugh; To down men bluntly In debate, Or shut them up with chaff. I'd go to Congress If I could. And since I can't go there, I'll gladly be an Alderman, Or even run for Mayor! I cannot stand It any more, My culture's not the stuff. For though it's pretty to be hice. It's wholesome to be tough. Perhaps when I've grown coarser-grained I'll have less canse to sigh At undine that my fellows have So much more fun than I. EdwardS. Xartin, in Life's Calendar. BAT AND T0ET0ISE FIGHT. Novel and Exciting Battle Witnessed by a Tarty of Clerks. FARKEnsBCRo, W. Va., July 31. One of tho clerks in a Market street elothing store cap tured a land tortoise a few days ago and turned it loose in the yard in the rear of the store. Yesterday afternoon the clerks were attracted to the yard by an unusual noise. On repairing thither they were surprised to find that a big gray rat had attacked the tor toise and that a battle royal was going on. In a few minutes quite a crowd had gathered, but the combatants were so deeply engaged that they paid not the slightest attention to the men. f The tat, being much tho quicker, would dart at tho tortoise and bite at it, jumping back each time to avoid the vicious snap made by the tortoise. Tho rat at last ap peared to realize that the shell was an im penetrable armor, and then turned its atten tion to the feet of the tortoise. Tho forelegs weie too near the scalv mouth of its enemy, and in endcavorine- to bite them the rat cot several savage snaps. It then began to nt- ...w.i. ..... .ui.uiau 111 Hil3 1U.IL, okuiu n,a JJIIIU feet and legs and then springing away as the tortoise reared up and endeavored to throw Itself upon its enemy. The tortoise soon learned that it wasn't quick enough to catch the rat by the head or neck, but perceived that w hen the rat mado a snap at its legs the rear of the rodent would be within easy reach. It now became a qnestiou whether the rat would be able to disable one of the tortoise's legs before the latter chewed off the rat's tail, which had already been se verely bitten. They had fought for half an hour; both were bleeding from wounds and both appar ently more determined than ever to con quer. At this point, unfortunately for the sport and to the disgust of the onlookers, LIdridge Warthen's rat terrier got into the yard aud made a dart for the rat, which saw its hereditary enemy barely in time to make its escape through a hole in the fence. BTJCCI'S LATEST EIVAL. A Man Fasts for 61 Days and Recovers His Health by It. Pateeson, July 31. Paterson has a man who has voluntarily equaled tho fasts of Slgnor Succl and Dr. Tanner. Dennis Quig ley abstained from food for 61 days in order to regain his health. Quigley entered St. Joseph's Hospital, in this city, about three months ago, suffering from an injury to his spine which ho re ceived in a mine at Sterling. The injury had affected Quigley's stomach, and he could not retain a particle or solid food. Finally his taste left him, and Quigley decided to starve himself, and exactly 01 days ago last Satur day he stopped eating. Nofoodpashedhis lips and no nourish ment, except an occasional cup of strong tea or glass of water. He bhowett no particular desire lor food and had no craving for any thing. He wasted away to a mere skeleton, but declared that he felt much better. The physicians in charge of the case kept a close watch on their patient. On Saturday morning Quigley said he thought he would like to have a piece of home-made pie and insisted upon having it. A piece was brought in and set before him. Ho soon ate it, alter w hich he had a hearty meal. As he took the first piece of plo in his mouth and swallowed it he smiled, and the physicians present were surprised when ho informed them that ho could taste it. His taste not only had returned, but all of the solid food of which he partook remained on his stomach. Although very weak.Quigley is greatly im proved, and the physicians pronounce the case a most remarkable one. The Injured spine is giadnally improving and a complete euro is hoped for by the doctors. Quigley now rests well and eats heartily. He is rapidly gaining in weight and expects to be about in a few weeks. BAVAEIA'S HAD KING. Otto Has Lucid Intervals, but They Are Very Tew and Short. Glasgow Mail. J King Otto of Bavaria has of lato shown some lucid intervals, and there is actually a hope of at least a partial restoration of the unfortunate monarch's senses. Two Sundays ago, after a day passed in alternate spells of peeling potatoes and standing on his head, the demented monarch was carried in an exhausted condition to his bed. He awoke at an early hour on the fol lowing morning and began to weep silently but bitterly. An attendant approached His Majesty and asked, as usual by signs, if he were in pain, and to his surprise received a coherent reply from tho King that he was not suffering from bodily trouble, but that his tears were caused by his unhappy condi tion. He then asked for his mother and per mitted himself to be dressed and ate his breakfast without giving signs of insanity. He conversed for a moment or two intelli gently with one of his physicians and then suddenly relapsed into stupor and sleep. When he awoke again his madness was with him and ho sprang from his couch and began to walk on all fours, growling like a dog. On two subsequent days the King has given signs of rational comprehension and the phy sicians are consulting in regard to an entire alteration in their treatment of the royal madman. Hypnotism and electricity, it is stated, will be brought into prominent use. PENNSYLVANIA'S CHATJTATJQTA. The Second Day of tho Successful Gather ing at Ridgevlew Park. CSPECIAL TELEGBA5I TO THE DISPATCH. Ridoeview Park, July 3L The day here was something pleasant and agreeable after the gloom and threatening rains of yester day, and the people profited by the beautiful weather. The large choral classes, under tho leadership of the Rev. C. L. E. Cart wright, of Johnstown, met at 9 o'clock with the elocution class, with Prof. King as In structor. The famous C. L. S. C.Round Table held its initial meeting this afternoon at 2:30 o'clock. With every incoming train these groves are filling up, and though tho numbers of visitors who can be kept over night aro limited, the hotels of tho surrounding towns aro offering every inducement for theirstay. The lecture last evening of the Rev. J. A. Brandon, of Leechbnrg, on "Littlo Versus Great," made a happy impression on his large audience. PEOPLE COMING AND GOING. Councilman Matt Cavanangh returned from Erie yesterday where he had been locating a site for the Mark Twain Fishing Club, composed principally of downtown politicians, which goes into camp next Tuesday. Tho site selected is on the Tracy farm, two miles out of Erie, along tho electric railway and very conveniently situ ated in every way. Paul D. Cravath, a .New York lawyer, who did much to straighten the affairs of the Westinghouse Electric Company, was in the city yesterday. He had a conference with Mr. Bannister, but he said last evening nothing of importance was done. H. I. Llewelyn, of Seattle, and E. .T. Beatty, of Tiffin, are registered at the An derson. Mr. Llewelyn lormer!y lived in New Castlf, and he is on his waj- thero to visit old mends. He is the owner or ono of the leading hotels in Erie. Dr. Mayer and Superintendent Rowe, of the Western Union Telegraph Company, and his wito were among the passengers lor Chautauqua last evening on the Allegheny Valley road. Mrs. Bartels, of East End, left yesterday for Atlantic City. Miss Julia and her son Edward joined her. Ed is tho genial as sistant night baggage agent at the Union depot. Henry Gripp, formerly a clerk in the Controller's office, returned yesterday from Bemus Point, on Lake Chauiauqua, where he spent three weeks with a local fishing club. President H. P. Ford, of Select Councils, went to Atlantic City last night with his daughters, who will remain until September 1, Mr. Ford returning home in a few days. S. G. Penny, a brother of Captain Penny, started for Europe last evening. Ho wi'l visit London, Paris and other foreign cities. E. "W. Claypole, of Akron, and "W. J. Burton, of Brookville, are among the guests at the Seventh Avenue Hotel. John C- Deuber, the Canton watchmaker, and John L. Paul, of Indiana, aro stopping at the Monongahela House. Colonel "Willis J. Hulings, of Oil City, was in tho city yesterday. Ho left for his home last evening. A. F. Griswold, of Erie, and "W. E. Hall, an Altoona lawyer, are at the Duquesne. H.""vv Bickell, cashier of the Commercial National Bank, has gono to San Diego. Inspector Proesser, of the Postoffice, went to Atlantic City last evening, Eugene K. Thumm, of Cliff street, is so journing at Toronto, Canada. Attorney Blair and his sister went East last evening. CURIOUS CONDENSATIONS. The Terpsichorean-Eiverside-Elysian Dancing Club is the name of a popular social organization at Wichita. The French have planned works at navre for utilizing the ebb and flow of the tide to work turbine wheels to generate power for the dynamos to supply Paris with light. Darin; the term of court which closed last week at Burlington, Kan., six jury cases were tried in which the amount in actual dispute was only $44.50, while the costs ag gregated nearly $500. A wren built a nest on a machine in the shops of the Dawson. Ga., Manufacturing Company that made about 5.C0O revolutions a minute, and rained lour birds. The young birds left the nest last week. " A sycamore trcenear Newton, Conn., is said to be S3 feet high and 21 feet in diameter, while its branches shade an erea extending 80 feet from the trunk- It produces largo and abundant white blossoms. Miss Louise Benner, of "Wise, Isabella county, Mich., went into the woods with her father last winter and with nn ax and saw helped her father earn?12j. She has also a bureau mado entirely by herself. There are now over 325 electric rail roads in tho world, 90 per cent of them in this country. About 4.000 cars, 7,000 motors, 2.10J miles of track and 750,000,000 passengers carried in a year tell the rest of their story. Becent experience in cold storage shows that different articles of food require differ ent degrees of temperature for their preser vation, varying from 33 Fahrenheit for egga to 15 to 26 for poultry and various kinds of game. Butter made from cocoanuts is rapidly taking the place of the ordinary bntter in Germany and Switzerland. It is said to ba healthful, easilv digested, as palatable a butter mado irom. the milk of cows and much cheaper. Jforth Carolina is to have one of tha longest electric railway lines in the world. It is to run from Asheville to Kutherfordton, a distnnce of41 miles. Tho power to operata the road is to be derived from water. Tha line is intended for both freight and passen ger service. The oldest church in Europe is said by some who aro discussing the question to bo St. Martin's, Canterbury, which was built as a church before the end or tho fourth cent tury, St. Mary-in-the-Castle, Dover, was built about this time, but for nearly 200 years it was used as a garrison fuel depot. The cultivation of the India-rubber tree on the island of Trinidad is receiving much attention. A few trees of different varie ties were imported a few years ago and were placed in the botanical gardens. The re sults have shown that the soil and climato aro remarkably favorable to their cultiva tion. Prof. Foster predicts terrible hurri canes during September, October and No vember on the Atlantic and Gulf coasts. These hurricanes will seriously affect weather and crop3. Tno professor begs his readers not to disregard this forecast as a sensational alarm, but to heed it, as we shall have the most violent storm period thi3 fall tb.it wo have had in U0 years. A lake has a wonderfully tempering effect on the climate. Thus, according to M. Forel, the quantity of heat accumulated in Lake GeDeva during tho summer of 1S39 was equal to that given off by the combus tion of 31,000,000 tons of coal, or the amount carried b a coal train 1,120 miles In length. Tho greater part of tho heat is discharged into the air of the vallev daring the cold season, thus producing a milder tempera ture in autumn and winter. In Scotland there is a company which pays a certain amount yearly to a number of iron works for the privilege of collecting the smoke and gases from the blast furnaces. These are passed through several miles of wrought iron tubing, and as the gases cool there is deposited a considerable yield of oil; one plant Is reported to yield 25,000gal lons of furnaco oil per week. Oil thns ob tained is distilled and a considerable quant ity of cresol. phenol, and some other sub stances are procured from it. In the course of an investigation, part of which has already been communicated to the Royal Society, Prof. Roberts-Austen has discovered the most brilliantly colored al loy a yet known. It has a rich pnrplo color, and bright ruby tints aro obtained when light ia reflected from one surface of the alloy to another. It contains about 78 per cent of gold, the rest of the alloy being aluminum. The constants of thcalnminum gold series of alloys are now being exam ined and will shortly bo published. Judging from the gradual and steady increase in the number of applications for patents each year, the inventive genius of England is being maintained. According to the report of the London Patents Office tho total number of applicants for patents made during tho year lMOamonntcd to 21,307, being an Increase of 300 as" compared with the ap plications of the preceding year. Of theo 14,000 emanated from persons residing in England and Wales. The applications for designs nnd trade-marks, amounting to 22. 235 and 14.25S, woro respectively less bv 135 and 18 than the similar applications iu 1So9. An actress died in New York and her friends called an undertaker to make ar rangements for the funeral. Tho undertaker wanted toyknow how they wanted the coffin trimmed, whereupon tho friends of the dead woman said they would accept his sugges tions. "Well," said the undertaker, "if tho deceased was a single woman I should trim the coffin in white; if a married woman, in heliotrope." The friends said they would think Jhe matter over, and send him word a3 to their decision. In the afternoon the undertaker received this note: "Trim tho coffin in white, with a dash here and thcra of heliotrope." In the suburban districts of London much annoyance has been caused, and un neighborly squabbles induced, by cock crowing at untimely hours. A contrivance has been devised whereby tho nuisance com plained of may bo obviated, peace secured and harmony restored. It is a very simple one. Let a lath be loosely suspended over the roosting place of the aggressive bird and immediately he rears his bead and stretches his neck as a preliminary ton raucous blast he receives a rap on the comb which checks his performance and fills him with astonish ment. Aftec repeated attempts attended with a like disconcerting result, ho subsides into a gentle meiancnoiy, ana rumtnatcs, possiblv, over the degeneracy of tho times, till, tho day being sufficiently advanced, ha Is allowed to roam abroad. FUNNY FELLOWS' FCJNNYISMS. "If they stop fboxing Jmatches, hot then ?" "Why, then they'll be Isold by the Spound." Note The pun H on the words 'stop, tboxlng, matches and Jpound. Also Isold. Diagram furr nlshed on application.) Chicaao Tribune. The men who seek the surest way, Their appetites to heed. Should live In harmony each day Since they are all a-greed. Washington Star. "Dat's a berry fine ring Mr. Jones am wearin V remarked an old colored man to his em ployer. "That is a cats-eye.' was the answer." "Den. sah.'l kno' whar dat orful yowlln kim from dc odder night. Ob course he couldn't get de eye wldout klUlu' de cat. "Vitroit Fret Press. "There's nothing half so sweet in life As love's young dream." The old song says, but I know (Since I have felt her old man's toe) Things aren't what they seem. Brooklyn Eagle, "Don't they sing Beautifully in unison?" he whispered at the opera. 'In unison V' re-echoed the Boston girl; why I thought they were going to sing In Italian. No wonder I don't understand It." Philadelphia Times. He once was taught, "Thou shalt not steal," At school, at church and other places; Now, strange to say, his teachers feel Delight to sec him stealing bases. Sew Tork Press. Johnny Let's play war. I'll be the Duke of Wellington and you can be Napoleon Bonaparte. Willie That suits me. Bonaparte was a good deal better General than the Duke of Wellington. Johnny He got licked ajl the same. Willie That's 'cause he had bad luck. He could down any of 'em when it come to bein a General. He was a regular Anson that's what he was! ChteagdgMune. When the opera manager makes up his mind That music won't pay In warmweather. He admits that it doesn't surprisehim to find High C's and a light house together. Washington Star. '"What do yon think of these sliding roofs for.theaters?" ' "Capital. When the stars on the stage are dull yon can see bright ones overhead." JSrootlyn Eagle. u igfesSifSif'tf "
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers