fy 'jrvjppti&z- THE PITTSBURG- DISPATCH, TUESDAY, OCTOBER 28, 1890. 4 Uje Bigparaj. ESTABLISHED FEBRUARY 8. 10. Vol. '. No.K!. Entered at Pittsburg I'ostomce, November 11, 1SS7. as second-class matter. Euelaees Office Corner Ernithfield and Diamond Streets. News Rooms and Publishing1 House 75, 77 and 70 Diamond Street. FASTEI5N ADVERTISING OFFICII. ltOOMS, n:iI!C2kE HUII.DIMJ. NEW YORK. There complete files of THE inM'AlCH can always be iound. Foreign aavertisers appreciate the con venience. Home advertisers and frler.ds ot TH E Dtel'AICH. -irhllc lu eT York, arc also made welcome. THE DISPATCH J rcavXarly on sale a J!rentano's. S Union Square. A'cto York, and 17 Are. de r Opera. Paris. Fiance, ichere any one trho tias been disappointed at a hotel news stand can obtain it TERMS or Tin: dispatcii. (..STAGE THEE IX THE UNITED STATES. imiv msrtrcn, One Year. ? SCO Daily lMSPATcn, l'crQnsricr 200 Daily dispatch, one Month 70 Daily Dispatch, inrhulinghunday, lycsr. 3000 Daily IMsrsTrH. lnrii.JiiigSunday.SmUlis. tS3 lAfi.Y Dispatch, including Sunday. J month SO mtkday Dispatch. Oneer 150 Weuxli Dispatch. One Year 1 25 TJiE Daily DisrATCH is delivered by carriers at -.'rents cer week, or including fcnndaj edition, Jo nt iter rceL. riTTSIJUliG. TUESDAY. OCf. SS. 189a MR. l.YTTKON"S PEOMI'T ANSWER, Tlie political sensation yesterday was the institution of a criminal libel suit by ex Governor Pattison airainst the Philadelphia papers which published the remarkable t-tory intimating that he had been bribed for liis action, when Governor, upon the South Pennsylvania legislation. Ex-Governor Pattison has had a Ion and notable public career, both at his home in Philadelphia and at the State House at Harrisbnrg. His record has been such that probably no one vrho knows him, or it, would credit the slightest reflection upon his integrity. This is the first instance ia which such an intima tion in respect to any matter in which Sir. Pattison has been concerned has ever been Made Coming, as it does, within a few days of the pollin, wiien, had tnere been ground for the story, it might have been used with effect at any time for months back, and appearing now unsubstantiated by a single witness, or cvec by the name o' anyone who professes to believe it, the public, as pointed out in Yesterday's Dispatch, will have no trouble in deciding the publication to be one of those eleventh-hour roorbacks which are supposed to embellish and make picturesque the close of a campaign. But while ex-Governor Pattison, under the circumstances, might have passed over everything charged with amusement or con tempt, he has tiken a course which serious ly adds to the embarrassment of his oppo nents. Though the days are few to the elec tion, he can insist upon an immediate hear ing. If the makers of the charge fail to Jiroduce some substantial evidence for it, the recoil will be decidedly injurious to their side. 'Whatever their course, Mr. Pattison will secure for himscli a chance to give a complete and effective denial to the alterations. Doing this within a space of a few days he 'urther will have shown how easy it was for Mr. D;lamater, if innocent, to tiave silenced the damaging accusations egainst his, Delamater's, own record as a pablic -nicer and as a candidate lor office, fr whi ill 1-iuery and others persistently avowed themselves responsible. Doubtless, it is with this ia view, more than through any feeling that the South t'eon storr is serious, or that the public would be misled, that Mr. Pattison has in stituted his libel suits. LATE PHAisES Or THE GAS QUESTION". Coal smoke. PitUburs's old-time trade xoark, was '"'tu. ? of the local landscape ye! ty. u then was no cessation of the 1mm and bustl of machinery or of the tre mendous activities of the town. "With excel lent steam-producing slack, deliverable at the mills for less than one dollar per ton, there is no need for fear about keeping up the fires on such an economical basis as no other city on the continent can duplicate. This takes no account, cither, of tne econo mies which improved methods of burning the coal artificial gas-plants and mixtures of oil will toon vcrv generally introduce. Prom the best practical information, we 3rave no hesitation in believing the state ment to be correct that very soon most of oar manufactories will be getting their fuel Et no higher rate than many of them have been pajing of late to the Philadelphia Ceaapany. The question of the domestic supply is of li-.e most interest uow. It is true that to domestic consumers the cleanliness and con venience ot the gas ate important considera tions; and we should be all very sorry to have to go back to the coal scuttle and to the tedious lighting of fires, and to the rraokc and soot. If the rather sparse and set pi-rUcuhiriy explicit explanations of the Philadelphia Company areat all to be relied Upon, the withdrawal of the gas from the mills is to ensure a greatly prolonged exist ence for and extension ol the domestic sup ilv. This is very cheer.ul and encour rguig, but it is neither so cheerful nor en-ron-aging to see the intimation given in certain quarters that the company proposes to "raise" from leu to fifteen cents per thou sand on the price. There is such a thing as J-illing the goose that lays the golden eggs; 2nd it there is such an abundance of gas fmitad the city as the company's high officials have time and again avowed, a big lilt in rates will be a powerful incentive to other people to take up the problem of house supply. We are evidently on the eve of some im portant changes as to the light and iuel question. If the mills can get artificial gas at les than 10 cents per thousand feet, it will be only a question of time until the comeic consumers find the problem solved lor them also. Ii one company docs not do it another will. Fortunately under the natural gas laws the held is open to all comers who have the capital to enter it. it -would not -work. A writer in the Fortnightly Iiexicvo has developed a plan by which England, as he asserts, "can retaliate on the United States without raising the price of food to the con sumer." The idea does more credit to the ingenuity of the writer than to his good judgment; but it is interesting both as show ing the dissatisfaction of England with our tariff policy and the ease with which people can be og themselves on that subject. The plan is to levy a duty on grain, meat, dairy products and other food imported from the United States, only in cases where the im portation of such food from the English colonies can be encouraged. These duties are to form a retaliation fund, which is to be paid in bounties on the importation of food products from the colonies, or from other countries that admit English goods free of dutv. This it is claimed would prevent the price of taxed iood from rising because what ever was charged on one importation would be spent in bouuties in making other im portations cheaper. This is a decided example of the way in which people who embark into the develop ment of special economic theories befog themselves into a failure to recognize the universal law that the supply of a staple cannot be limited without raising the price above what it would be if the supply were not limited. The plan ssems a fine one on paper to serve the English purpose of re taliation; but its complete illustration of the weakness which attends all economic theories framed especially to reach a special conclusion is that it proposes to at once cut off the American imports ot food products for the purpose of retaliation ana to keep them up in order to pay duties to yield bounties on the same products from the colonies. It is plain that the duties, if in'posed, must accom plish one of two results. Either the im ports of our food products will be excluded from the English market, or they will come in paying the duty, and therefore enhanced in price to the amount of the duty. If the former is the case, there will be no imports to pay the bounty on colonial products, and the limited supply must raise prices suffi ciently to stimulate colonial production. If the second proves true the price will be en hanced on both American and colonial pro duct, whether the latter is stimulated by the bounty or not. It is entirely possible for England to levy duties and pay bounties as proposed by this writer. But the problem in England is to do it without raising the price of food, as the need of food there is so manifest that the Government which would enhance its price would expose itself to the daoger of certain destruction. And John Bull can. no more impose a burden and restricti m of this sort on his food supply, without raising the price, than he can lift himsel by the straps of his boots out of his tight little island and set himself down in some of his colonies on the other side of the world. THE CONSTITUTION AND THE COURT. The recent expressions of Senator Ed munds, at the annual meeting of the Ver mont Bar Association, upon the original packages decisions were outspoken and positive. The Senator pointed out that the question as to the powers of the States raised in these decisions would have made the union impossible, as without these functions which the States have exercised for one hundred years, "not a single State would have gone into the Union." He de clared his opinion that "the people of the States should have the charge of the preser vation of their own autonomy, whether it relates to traffic in drugs, dynamite or in toxicating liquors," each of which would be impossible under the original package decision. Either the poisonous drugs, the explosives or the spiritous liquors arc handled in the original packages in which they are brought from other States. This plain speaking makes it pertineut to refer to another point which has been mentioned in these columns, but has been otherwise passed over, namely, that the alleged con stitutional principle on which this decision is based is entirely a product of the imagi nation of the courts. The whole theory of the original package decision is based upon the assumption that the constitution forbids any State to regu late commerec between itself and another State; but the tact is that no such prohibi tion is to-be found iu the limitations of the powers of States, in the United States Con stitution. The whole theory is an inference that, because Congress is given this power, therefore no State can exercise it, in any form whatever. But this theory is shown to be baseless by an examination of other provisions connected therewith. In the same section and by the tame enacting clause, Congress is given power to provide for naturalization and bankruptcies, to establish postroads, to fix the standard of weights and measures, to provide for organizing, desciplining and calling out the militia. Under the same rule of con struction which forbids- a State to regulate such inter-State commerce as comes within its territory, it would be forbidden to touch with its legislation the subjects of bank rupcy, weights and measures, to build a postroad or to organize its own militia; which reduces the entire theory of construc tion to an absolute absurdity. Not only does this appear from the study of this clause, but when we turn to the clause of the constitution on the limitation of the powers of individual States we find there direct evidence that the Constitution expected the States to exercise a local regu lation over commerce passing beyond their borders. We Cud there that "no State shall lay any imposts or duties on imports or ex ports except tchat may be absolutely neces "! Jr exercising its inspection laws." The only possible purpose of inspection laws is to regulate; and here we have a direct recognition on the part of the Constitution, of powers of the States, which the Supreme Court now asserts to be unconstitutional. In other words the decision of the judicial body appears to have overruled the written language of the Constitution itself. It is true that there are some powers dele gated to Congres, such s the coinage of money and the declaration of war, which cannot he shared with a subordinate power; and it is to be recognized that under the Constitutional provision, if State legisla tion should conflict with the Congressional regulation of any of these subjects, the supreme authority rests with the National Legislature. But that there is anything in the nature of inter-State commerce which makes it impossible in the absence of regu lation by Congress of any branch of it, for a State to regulate that which originates or terminates in its territory, is simply an un founded theory. It was done by the States without friction for a hundred years; and the right of the States to exercise exactly that power which is now denied them, was affirmed by two leading decisions of the United States Supreme Court itself, one by Taney with regard to this very subject of the liquor traffic; and in the granger cases with regard to the regulation of railways. It was reserved for the Supreme Court within the last five years to assert in one railway case and in one liquor case, that the States cannot do what they bare done with out interruption lor a century and for con siderations which, to use the mildest term, to overrule both the precedents of their own body and the letter ot the Constitution. It may be deemed best by some people that the States shall no longer have power to regulate the traffic in drugs and liquors, the handling of explosives, to provide for the inspection of grains, meats or live stock, or the settling of bankruptcies; to build post roads or to organize their militia. But if that is best, the way to amend the Constitu tion is not by the decision of the Supreme Court. Yet these things are all prohibited to the States by the logical conclusion of the principle laid down in the original package decision. The case is an illustration of fol lowing out a lice of legal theories, rather than conbtitutional principles, which have led the Supreme Court so far away from its legitimate ground, as to produce decisions that almost raise the doubt whether that lofty body has read the Constitution that it undertakes to construe. A HAD OUTLOOK. A very remarkable example of the way in which Chicago is showing a disposition to repudiate the agreement under which she obtained the location of the World's Fair is presented by a recent editorial in the Chi cago Tribune arguing that the Government ought to pay for the expense of procuring exhibits from other countries. That journal conceds that Chicago is pecuniarily inter ested in the Fair; but it claims that the whole country is interested and that the people who come there from all parts of the United States will be benefited. Conse quently it argues that if Chicago provides the site and buildings, "the other part of the expense ought to be borne by the Gen eral Goverment." This remarkable argument can be an swered if necessary in two ways: first, that unless Chicago goes to work before iong to make the Fair a success, visitors to it will get precious little benefit; and second, that if they are benefited they will pay for it by money set afloat in the business channels of Chicago. But it is not necessary to enlarge upon the argument, for the simple reason that the claim is a repudiation of the under standing by virtue of which Chicago ob tained the Fair. It was urged upon Con gress that Chicago was so keen for the advantages ot the Fair that she would pro vide all the funds. Indeed, the funds were already raised if we could believe the rep resentatives of the Chicagoans all hut the beggarly one or two hundred thousand needed to make up the round ten millions. The United States would not be asked to do. anything except to provide the money for the Government exhibit and the expenses of the representatives of the Government. After Chicago has secured the fur on such representations it is a very remarkable proceeding to turn around and take the po sition which has been taken, if the Tribune properly represents the community. In stead of bearing all the expenses of the Fair, as the city which would derive direct pe cuniary profit from it, it now seems to be the Chicago idea to provide only the money to fill in a site not suited to the Fair, but which will add millions of dollars' worth of land to the area of the city, and to provide buildings which will permanently orna ment the city. In other word?, Chicago's money is only to be spent for the permanent benefit of Chicago, and it is proposed to try and make the Government pay for getting up the Fair out of which her people will make money. This is not only bad faith, but it ;s a course that if persisted in will wreck the enterprise. Indeed, the course ot Chicago's representatives and the act of the commis sion to which Secretary Windom has called attention, in using up the Government ap propriation to pay princely salaries to its officers, are most promising in the direction of turning that enterprise into a scandal. If there is not a very sharp change of policy the outcome will be the reverse of credit able. UNIQUE DISPUTES. One of the idiosyncransies to use a scien tific term which is only adequate to the remarkabls character of the phenomena which have recently been developed in this country, is the remarkably divergent views on questions of ordinary fact which are de veloped by the differences in politics. The old story about the two men who had a dis pute as to the colors on two different sides of the shield is perhaps credible; but when it comes down to such questions of ordinary fact as the muddtness of streets, the prices of commodities or the profits on industry, it seems as ifeven politics ongbt not to pre vent a practical agreement as to what actu ally exists. Yet these are exactly the questions of fact upon which different political opinions lead one side to assert that one thing is true and the other to say that it is false. A rather amus ing illustration is found in the municipal elections of New York. There an organiza tion of ladies has been formed to work for municipal reform, and the newspapers on their side of the contest say that the ladies perceive the need of reform from the dirti ness of the streets which soil their dress and cause a gathering of filth in their skirts whenever they go out for a walk. But the newspapers supporting the existing muni cipal administration informs the ladies that the talk about the uncleanliness of the streets is pure exaggeration, and that the streets are fine and well-kept thorough fares. "We can hardly imagine that any stress of politics could raise a dispute whether Pittsburg streets are dirty or not; but when we find the two parties in the same city unable to agree whether there is mud or nnsoilod purity on their streets, it makes almost anything possible. The same peculiarity appears in other phases of politics. The Democratic journals are raising a great outcry about a general advance of prices; aud the Republican or gans are equally positive in asserting that there is nothing of the sort. This diver gence as actual facts finds an explanation in the limited point of view illustrated that one Democratic organ bases its opinion on an advance in the price of beer; while the Boston Advertiser shows that such talk is unfounded, from the conclusive fact, in its opinion, that there is no advance in the price of beans. In this State the Standard organs are trying to convince the oil pro ducers that great wealth and prosperity has been conferred upon them by the Standard Oil Company; but obstinate producers per sist in believing that when the premium is knocked off their oil, whenever the Stand ard has wiped out competition, they are losers to the extent of the reduction. This inability to agree upon common facts is so marked that it may be useless to say much about it; hut the suggestion should be made to such disputants that until people are able to recognize facts as they are dis cussion is useless. Reasoning that is not based on real facts is worthless; and until our political system develops a method to insure an agreement as to such things as the mud on the streets, all its discussions are not likely to rise above the level of a jawing match. The Barttelot-Stanley controveisy has reached a queer and far from edifying stage in au interview from Stanley asserting that iu his rom&rks on Barttelot's failure in his book he suppressed facts out ot consideration for that ofllccr's character. While -he does not give those facts he asserts that if the man who shot Barttelot were tried before a fair-minded En glish jury he would be acquitted. Having got the dlsput to this unsavory staco it is plain that the whole of the case must come out. But It is to be remarked with regard to Stanley's previ ous course, that if be said anything In his book abont Barttelot, he should have given all the material facts. There was no middle course possible between that and leaving Barttelot en. tlrely alone. The Philadelphia Press remarks it as bavins a political significance that the name ot Mr. Eyre.one of the Philldelpbia Independents, is pronounced as If it wero spelled a-I-r. This is not half so pcitinent, however, as the fact that the production, of the Delamater papers are spelled w-l-n-d. Theke is instruction for Pittsburg in the tact that the city of Buffalo, which is carrying on the work ot -paving as extensively as our city, has now about 80 miles of asphalt pave ment which, according to the experience there, is tbo cheapest pavement to maintain. Of the 1.500,000 square yards of this paving 335.000 we're laid this year and practically all the rest in the four years preceding. If Buffalo's experience concerning the economy of asphalt pavement can bo relied on Pittaburc's block stone pave msnts are behind the tiraos. The observations of Prof. Holden, of Lick University, have discovered in the moon parallel walls with tops two hundred feot thick and not more than twelve hundred yards apart. The lunatics seem to havo determined that they will beat any Chinese wall that this planet Las produced. That is a remarkable, if accurate, straw of the coming election which the New York H'orM got by getting the figures from the Re publican Chairmen of all the counties in Penn sylvania, each of the probable vote in his coun ty, and finding on summing them up that they gave Pattison a majority of 12,000. It will be well, however, for the Pattison men to bear in mind that favorable pre-election estimates, even by Republican chairmen, are not half so decisive as the votes in the ballot box. The fact that one of the justices of the New York Supreme Court is being sued on a stock-gambling debt, and pleads his Inability to pay because ho has only $15,000 a year to sup port bis family on. Is not calculated, to Increase the public respect for the New York judiciary. Statistics of the duels in Italy for 12 years past reveal the interesting fact tlut while the average of wounds In the duels any blood-drawn scratch being counted a wound is 114 to a duel, less than one man to the hundred of the duelists was killed. This may seem to the rest of the world like a failure of natural justice; but the duelists will rocognlze that it still holds out dueling to them as a safe and pleasant amusement. Now do the cannidates and organs furiously proclaim that they are immaculate and their opponents aevilish. This delirium will continue for the rest of the week and sanity may be hoped to;resumo its sway a week from to-morrow. Op course the Eastern papers all say that the shutting off of the natural gas from the puddling furnaces indicates a shortened supply. They are unable to penetrate the depths of corporation policy that cuts of largo consumers and at the samo asserts that it has "more gas than ever." Twenty-five millions of a requisition for the work of the Pension Bureau during the next two months means 5150,000,000 a year for pensious. This is fairly liberal. Congressman Dalzell. a Washington telegram states. Is prepannR plans for a hand some new S25.000 residence at Washington. This does not look as if Brother Brennan's brass band has scared him very much, or tho amusing threat that the Committee on Contested Seats will throw him out. PERSONAL PARAGRAPHS. General Sherman is said to know how to shake hands better than any American in pub lic life. Senator Leland Stanford is understood to have spent a quarter of a million dollars on art during his recent European trip. Roswell P. Flower boasts that ho repre sents In Congress a district that is richer than any State except New York and Pennsylvania. Miss Arnold has written to her friends in England, announcing that her father. Sir Edwin Arnold, will shortly pay a visit to Australia. Asia fanner Mary Anderson is a failure Her expensive farm In Colorado has been taken possession of by coyotes and jack-rabbits. Her half-brother was her understudy in tho role of farmer, and she left him in charge: but ho was a failure, too. John Hackley. who has given a $100,000 library building to Muskegan. Micb.. worked his way to that city 20 years ago. a poor boy, on a lumber vessel. He was determine! to suc ceed, if It was fn tho wood, and it was. He made a fortune in lumber. Mrs. Augusta E. Stetson, of New York, was formally ordained on Tuesday evening; as a pastor of the Church of Christ or Christian Scientists. She is a Boston lady, who has been Dreaching in New York for the last three years. She Is the second woman who has been thus honored, the other being Mrs. Mary B. G. Eddy, the founder of the sect. Mr. M. G. MULUALi,, tho well-known sta tistician, sa8 that a good statistician should know three or four modern languages, possess an easy inconrj and good digestion, be able to study eicht hours daily without sense of fatigue, havo no political tendencies, pursue bis labors regardless of all around him, and never leave oil any subject till he has worked out the re sult. IKCEEASIHG IK MEMBEESHD?. rirst Annual Meeting and Election of Of ficers of the Presbyterian Union. The first annual meeting of the Presbyterian Union of Pittsburg and Allegheny was held yesterday afternoon in the parlors of the First Church, un Wood street. There was a good at tendance present, representative of the 1Z5 members of the union. In the absence of Pres ident Pitcairn, Rev. I. N. Hays occupied the chair. The report of the Treasurer, Mr. William A. Sbauw, was read, showing receipts for the year amounting to i'XS, and expenditures JS'Jl 75, leaving a balance of 100 25. The receipts came from dues, and the exoenditures were for three addresses delivered during the yoar by noted men aud receptions tendered them while here. lbe names of 12 applicants for membership were received and will be acted on liter. An election of oftict-rs then resulted as fol lows: President, William McCreerv; Vioe President. Rev. George T. Purves, 1). D; Secre tary. Rev. E. R. Donehoo; Treasurer, Vllsnn A. Shaw; Executive Committee, Robert A. Orr, Rev. John Fox, Harold Pierce. J. Frank Robinson and Rev. DeWitt M. Benham. A TIMELY BHYHE In 'Which Headers of The Dispatch Should be Interested. A few verses in our esteemed cotemporary, the Salwday Kevicw. are of timely importance: Falling loud on our tympanum, fearlal as the crack o' doom; ZZS Speeding westward, awful, thnnd'rlng; 'tis the Hudyard Kipling boom. Bodyard Kipling, gifted stripling, praise and glory to his name. Prosing, rhyming, bravely climbing to the pin nacle of Fame." This graceful recognition of a new develop ment in the literary world is especially inter esting owing to the fact that the biggest gun that Mr. Kipling has yet loaded will be heard in The Dispatch on November 9 through the beginning of his first serial, "The Light that Failed." Of Interest toEvangellcals. Rev. W. M. Stanford. A. M., editor of 27ie Evangelical, will deliver an address this even ing in the Fulton Street Evangelical Church, on the disruption now going on in the Evan gelical Association, its causes and what it will lead to. All Evangelicals of both cities are es pecially requested to be present. DEATHS0F A DAY. Captain John Ferguson. .TSrHCIAL TELEOllAMTO THE DISPATCW.j rniLLli'EBURG, Pa., October IT. Captain John Ferguson died at his residence here yesterday at 1 o'clock r. M. of a complication of diseases. Captain Ferguson was SO years of age. For about 50 years be had been a prominent rlverman, having lor several years owned and commanded the steamer Tom Scott. William Brace Jack. Willlam'Brncc Jack died yetterday morning at his home In Allegheny at the age of SI years. He wasasonof Dr. William Jack, of 41 Chestnut street, Allegheny. The funeral will taVe pla-e 'lucsrtiy cTenlua at7:an. Interment at Kbcnezer. Kev. L. I. Crawford. Sandy Lake. Pa., October 27. Kev. L. I. Crawford, a minister of the United Presbyterian Church and editor of the Keici, Bandy Lake, died early yesterday morning of heart disease, after a long Illness. SNAP SHOTS IN SEASON. A tart reply Is all that should be expected from a sour man. Uon ! Didn't you shiver and shake yester day morning? Beastly, wasn't it? No sun thick, muggy, misty, miserable weather. How the aamp. cold air penetrated through thick, tlght-threaded clothing, too. The thinly-clad shook like stripped Umb3 before a stiff blow; tho heavy-coated drew their garments tighter, changed tbo umbrolla band frequently and kept the free hand deep In the pocket. Gloves looked warm and weather-warding, but they weren't. Great cough-catching, chill-making, temper-testing, foot-speeding morning was that of yesterday, to be sure A dry, snappy, below zero day in deep snow would be charming, cheering, comforting in comparison. How does sjch raln-cbarged, frost-laden, marrow-eating weather strike you, anyway? Does it. depress, deaden, dismay? Does it befog, benumb, bewilder? The chances are it does. The sunniest tempers cloud, the warmest hearts chill, the firmest hands tremble, the brightest eye films, the surest foot stumbles, tho strongest shiver when sneb penetrating, perverse, pernicious, provoking air envelopes. Ughl how clammy it is colder than Ice, fiercer than frost, wetter than water. With lip sealed and head down you hurry on, passing friend without a nod, bumping anainst enemies stumbling through the damp mirk with another black mark against tho world and its weather lodged in tho mind's diary. Into office, store, shop, mill you bustle sour, smileless, severe. Then the warra air begins to thaw you out; the face flushes, the hand steadies.tbe eye brightens, the marrow melts, the shiver slowly slinks away. Then you "come to" round up, as it were. The smile broadens as the blood warms, and the hot breath soon tickles your lips and they laugh. Not such a bad world after all. Is it? Ob, no, not for yon and for me, perhaps. But tnat palsy-provoking weather of yesterday touched the flesh, the blood, the very heart of all. You of the furry cape and heavy coat felt its clammy clutch; they of the tattered, thin, thaeadDare garments shook and sighed. You of the carpeted palace could turn the gas higher, brizhter, warmer; they of the baro floors needs spare tho coals and gnaw the crusts. So when tho chill comes, ye of the fur and the carpet, think of the lowly and the honest poor. Thank God! few there be in this land of heat and plenty. The few there are should be sought for and solaced. Then when the mists fall, the fogs cloud, tho frosts fasten over and on the earth your sun will shine, your heat will warm, your loaf will reed, and the crumbs will glisten like grains of gold all along the path that leads into and through tho mist to the mystery. The stage pistol In the hands of the amateur actor is a deadly weapon. Minister Phelps managed to dodge an Ohio Sheriff. Statesmen nowadays are as slick as they make them. Surely some law can be quickly made to reach the original package purveyors. Mob law Is the only thing in sight now, however. A hollow mockery an echo. Sparrow, chirping sparrow, saucy, chatterine thing. In and out the caves forever flitting; Do you for a moment think that you can sing? Do you never, never dream of quitting? Sparrow, lively sparrow, saucy, chattering thine;, Don't you fear the chilly winter weather? Don't you ever tire when you're on the wing? Find that food is sometimes hard to gather? Sparrow, joyous sparrow, saucy, chattering sparrow. Now I know why you defy the cold; Through your fluttering heart Love has sent an arrow Lave and Hunger both have made you boldl Sparrow, cooing sparrow, saucy, chattering thing. To your happy mate forever flitting. Love awaits your coming, O, speed the feathery wing; Never, never, never think of quitting! This Is a cheerful campaign, at all events. There's not much red fire at this end of the Commonwealth, however. How the circulation of same of the political organs will drop after the election will simply astonish the paper makers. Don't grow nervous, ladles and gentlemen. The world will still revolve, and ft will bo just as goo i a world after the election as it Is now. Politics are a mere pastime, you know. TnE speculators who have been bulling silver bullion got the worst of it. Philadelphia has a crazy Count. And so has tho whole country, thanks to Porter's cate chism. Free trade In the voting line is popular in Pennsylvania now. The wind must sound husky to an ear of corn. Now look out for big sensations, Great political creations, Records raking. Every scheme will be unloaded, Every plot will bo exploded, Records shaking. Candidates to straws are clinging In this last week for mud-slinglug How time flies! Be prepared for cries of boodls And political flapdoodle Campaign IiesI The Philadelphia barbers have concluded that the Blue Law are relics of barbertsm, and want them cut out ot the Constitution. Why not 1st the candidates settle their dis putes in a 20-foot ring with two-ounce gloves? A prize fight Is about on the same moral plane as a campaign. Mr. Foraker 13 quite cheerful since Con gress adjourned without calling for the report of that ballot box investigating committee. The double-jointed man can look both ways for Sunday. The snake used by Sarah Bernhardt in Cleopatra" merely crawls through its part. Noah was the first navigator on record who ran his vessel aground. After the 4th of next November The day we vote, you know One thing we hope you will remember: Don't say, "I told you so." Mary Anderson's husband has fallen heir to $300,000. Mary made this engagement pay, didn't she? The Philadelphia Press says: "Robert E. Pattison Is beaten." If some bets are made on this tip you may wish you hadn't furnished it, gentlemen. Some of the free trade editors are trying to convict the McKinley bill of shoplifting. It's a scold day for some women at all times. A clean city government should insure clean city streets, shouldn't 11? CARL SCHUBZ syys the new tariff bill is a most monstrous imposition upon the people. How about achurz? Is Civil Service Reform played out? Husband and wife are the best judges of each other. Nobody else has a right to express an opinion. The free traders would condemn the tariff without a trial. This is not fair. The freer the schools the freer the people. John Sherman says no good ever carao of a third party. Howabout the first baby, John? They did.'t havo to call Pattison a thief and a scoundrel more than or.ee. did they? Honest, fearless men always meet direct charges promptly. The weather was in a bad way yesterday. It didn't know whether to snow or rain. As a re sult it sulkily coquetted with both, and at times it was hard to tell 'totber from tbicu. , The waiters on the railway dining cars are supposed to be well trained. The phonograph is the greatest tattler of the age. It can't even keep a secret. The TJ. P.'s will not allow a man to marry his deceased wife's sister. He can marry any other wife's sister, however. Babies aro inveterate gum cbewers. The mosquito is always out foor blood. Willie Winkle. MUCH CHABITABLE W0EK Accomplished by Mt. Washington G. A. R. Ladies the Past Year. The reception given last evening by tho Mt. Yashlngton ladles of the Grand Army was largely attended. The guests were served with refreshments by the children ot tho local veterans, neatly attired in red, white and blue costumes, and addresses were made by Past Department President Mrs. C. W. Gerwi-. of the Widows' Home Committee; Mrs. Linliart, President of Colonel W. H. Moody Circle; C. R. Shepler, Commander of Post 155, G. A. R.; Mrs. Tnomas O. Sample, of AlIegheny;Coroner McDowell, and others. The work of the Mt, Washington ladies for the current year was reviewed, and showed a vast amount of eharitable work done in visitins and carinc for the sick and assisting the Widows' Home fund, with other chantablo projects. Robert E. Naysmith vias presented with an engrossed address on vellum beauti fully Illuminated by Mrs. Linliart, ot Dnqucsno Heights, expressive or the thanks ot the circle for assistance in augmenting the Widows' Home fund as well as appreciation of Mrs. Naysmlth's excellent work during two years' membership of Colonel Moody Circle. GUESTS AHD GOOD CHEEE Assist in Making a Wedding Anniversary an Enjoyable Affair. A joyous occasion, that of the twentieth wed ding anniversary, was celebrated last evening by Air. and Mrs. J. C. Boles, of Bellevue. Their lovely home was bright with many lights, radiant and fragrant with many flowers, and filled with guests and good cheer. Mr, and Mrs. Boles were tlm recipients of elegant presents in great numbers and the evening was one of rare pleasure to all. Ger nert's orchestra furnished the music and Ken nedy the supper. Pittsburg to Kob Connellsville. Bright, witty, vivacious and of great beauty, and belonging to one of the oldest and best established families in this part of Pennsyl vania, is a young lady of Connellsville. whose frequent visits to relatives in this city havo endeared her to a large circle of admiring friends, and to one in particular so much so that he, a wealthy young glass manufacturer, has persuaded her to come to Pittsburg to re side permanently. And the young laay. who last season was so charming a brldemaid at several aristocratic weddings in this city and vicinity, will bo a more charming bride this season. First of the Season. The first soiree musicale of the season at the Pittsburg Female College will be given this evening, in tho college chapel. Mr. Theodore Salmon is the director of tho affair, and those on the programme are Miss Lucile Eldridge, violinist; Miss Mary Kier, elocutionist; Mr. Karl Rettor, pianist, and Mr. Harry Brockett, leuur.- Social Chatter. , dauzhter of a prominent "Miss - merchant, lives in East End, Mr. , engaged in glass business courtship of long duration broken." m the significant note sent In by a friend regarding two young people, whose contemplated marriage has been an ab sorbing topic of conversation among their largo circlo of friends for some weeks past. The first dance of the Allegheny Cotillion will be given In tho assembly room of tho Mo nongabela House this evening. Tho chaperons for the affair are Mrs. Simpson Horner, Mrs. Palmer, Mrs. H. W. McKee and Mrs. W. G. Stewart. The young people of the Heart and Hand Society, of the Third Presbyterian Church, met yesterday afternoon. In the church parlors, to sew for the Orphans' Home. A song service was held in the lecture room last evening. Miss Rosa Frikdsasi and Mr. Henry Fink elpearl will be married to-day at 5 o'clock p. m., by Rabbi L. Mayer at tbe brido's home in Alle gheny. A Western wedding trip will succeed tbe wedding festivities. Miss Helen W. Leech, a popular Seven teenth ward teacher, has resigned her position and will be wedded Thursday to Mr. Edwin A. Smith, a prosperous young business man of Pittsburg. Mrs. Edward O'Neil. of Sewickley, who gave such an enjoyable and brilliant recoption last Thursday, will be hostess to a small com pany on the evening of the same day this week. The marriage of Miss Bessie Murphy ana Mr. George F. Wagner, both of tho East End, will be celebrated this evening at tho home of the bride's parents, on Meadow street. An entertainment and social will be given by the Y. P. S. C. E. and Mission Band of the Southside Presbyterian Church this evening. Lawyer P. A. Knox, a big man physically and intellectually, from Greene county, was in tbe city yesterday. Mrs. H. B. Birch. 612 Penn avenue, has invited several friends to a 12 o'clock luncheon to-day. Mr. Edward Everett will to-day marry Miss Mary Golden, of Braddock. MR3. John Arthurs, of Boquet street, re ceives this afternoon. Halloween parties and frolics are the order of the week. Mrs. J. Dawson Gallery gavo a card party last evening. BLAINE'S CANTON SPEECH. New York Star: Secretary Blaine's ap pearance in tho McKinley district is an evi dence of tbe desperation of tbe Republican contest there. Wheeling Intelligencer: Blaine knocks tho socks off Scburz. Germany has turned her back on the policy which Schurz wants his adopted country to adopt after the rest of the world has discredited it. Wheeling Register: What Mr. Blaine said In bis "Twenty Years of Congress," of the pros perity of the chantry under the Walker tariff he cannot explain away now. He was not try ing to make votes for tho Republican party when he wrote the book. Now he is under pressure. His speech at Canton is simply Blame contradicting Blaine and history. Cleveland Plain Dealer: Mr. Blaine, al though urging that Mr. McKinley bo returned to the House, had not a word to say for tbe McKinley bill. He could not. without stulti fying himself, eulogize a measure that be had publicly declared over his own signature did not contain "a section or a lino that will open a market for another bushel of wheat or another barrel of pork." Toledo Commercial: Hon. James G. Blalno made a telling speech in Major McKinley's dis trict, heartily indorsing Ohio's champion of protection for re-election. Tho Democracy have been hugging the delusion that such ill felling existed between these great men as would prevent one favoring tho other. Mr. Blatne's course dissipates tbo foolish belief. Republicans aro pulling together. New i'ork Tribune: Mr. Blaine's presence in Mr. McKinley's district rallying the Re publicans of Ohio to tbe support of that great leader, effectually dispels tbe free trade illu sion tbat there has been any break In the party ranks. His reply to tbe assumption of Mr. Schurz and Mr. Wells that tho good times fol lowing 1S14 were caused by the enactment of a low tariff is most effective and powerful. PHILADELPHIA Inquirer: Mr. Blaine has takeD away a lot of Democratic thunder and has turned their guns on themselves. Stand up now, yo Democrats, and answer. Are ye for reciprocity hand-in-hand with protection? No, every one of ye, save a tew who are not yet blind, are for unrestricted, unconditional free trade. Mr. Blaine knows It, the Republican party knows it, everyone knows it who is can did. Cincinnati Enquirer: The strong point of the occasion was on the banner which the Dem ocrats displayed iu the streets, quoting from Mr. Blame's lotter to Senator Frye touching the McKinley hill: There is not a section or a lino In the c'utiro bill which will open up the market to another bushel of wheat or another barrel of flour." True, Mr. Blaine and Senator Aldrlch "coopered up" the bill after that ob servation was made, but they still left it in an experimental shape. A STRAIGHT TIP. James T. Powers in a New Farce Comedy Joseph Murphy An Irish Drama Vari ety and Novel Cariosities. When Mr. Hoyt began teaching tho public to love Brass Monkeys, Tin Soldiers and the like a farce comedy might nave been properly defined as a loosely constructed farco with in tervals of variety. Gradually the framework of farce has been dropped by Hoyt's Imitators and the farce comedy as it is pre sented generally to-day is nothing more than straight vaudeville dressed up in a little finer clothes than it usually n ears in the houses given over entirely to that class of en tertainment. At the Bijou Theater last night the latest style of farce comedy was shown in "A Straight Tip," written It any of it was over sot on paper by John J. McNally. it is called a farcical satire, but the satiro is not very easily discerned, unless the whole performance may be taken as reflecting satirically upon tho stajre, rather than tho race course. The dla lozue is principally made up of horse jockey slang and jokes that aro chiefly respectable because they are old. Tho use of slang is per missible perhaps to almost any extent In farco enmedv, bnt It should be intelligible at least to the general public. Much of the language in tbe race course scene was entirely bejond tbe comprehension of the average man, and not ono woman In a thousand conld see the point of most of tho jests turning uoon horses and racinc. For tltcso reasons, if lor no other, "A Straight Tip" cannot be c-nsldered a piece of much merit. But tho performance was very amusingin places, and, as a whoL-. entertaining not be cause or the play, but in spito of it. Of course, Mr. James T. or, as ho usually is c-lled, Jimmy, Powers could not be on the stage for nearly three hours without causincat least 180 laughs, which is allowing but three laughs to a min ute, a very moderate estimate. Mr. Powers gives us a curious composite character, half dude, half sport, and makes lots of fun with it. Two or three sketches of a humorous sort In the best manner that formed part of hi3 busi ness in "The Drum Major" last year, ho re peated with excellent pflect last night. These included his imitation of several dancers in a ballroom, and that of a fair damsel "doing up" her hair, and performing other Interesting parts of her toiler. A new caricature of tho same sort bronsht the famous Carmencita's Spanish dance into ridicule. Bnt Mr. Powers needs some new sonss, ami his wonderful energy and comic bent hnrdly avail to lift a good deal of the play ont of the slough of tediousness. Peter F. U.ily plays a racing sport to the life; in fac, so very life-like is be and so true to tbe turf and the betting ring are his clothes, his language and bis auacger that they are not al ways agi eeablc. But ho deserves credit for the verisimilitude of his impersonation. The same may be said of most of the other men In the casr, though the big actor and race tout pre sented by Mr. liar: is the best of the minor sketches of life. Of the ladies it can be trnthrnlly said that they are all yonng and pretty, and that their voices are sweet and their dresses extremely tasteful and olten costly. Miss Emma Hanley makes as much as can be made nut of a part worth nothing; and Miss Delia Stacey, and in deed, all the ladles aro graceful dancers. The butterfly skirt dance is u particularly bright feature, and the singing of the Clipper quartet was unusually good. The race courso scene Is very realistic in most of its details, ami the whole play is mounted, as it is acted, a great deal better than it deserves. An audience that even surpassed the Bijou's record for size gavo generous en couragement to Mr. Powers and his clever company. Grand Opera Hoase. The excellent Insb comedian, Joseph Mur phy, played Larry Donavan in the "Shaun Rhue" last night with hN accustomed forceand artistic skill. He was supnorted by Miss Belle Melville and a good company, and a large au dience accorded him a warm welcome. The singing of "A Handful or Earth" by Mr. Murphy was especially well received. The "Shaun Rhue" will be repeated this evening. Harris' Theatre. It doesn't take much of a vehicle to carry Joseph J. Sullivan successfuly through a couple of hours to tho gratification of an audience. As She-iff Clutch, In "Later On." at the Bijou last season, ho caused roars of laughter at his every appearance on the stage, as, indeed, he has always done in his special ties on the variety stage. This season he is starring with a company of his own In a play put together for the purpose of allowing his nnique affected awkwardness and pecnliar Irish humor lull swing, and he takes It. The house was packed uncomfortably at both per formances yesterday, and there was one con tinuous roar or laughter from the time the cur tain went an until ic dropped on the last act, Mr. Sullivan's grotesque peculiarities. Indeed, preventing a full enjoyment of the dramatic scenes of tho play by those who attend tbe theater to weep instead of to laugh. The music Incidental to the play is pretty and well reudered, and the quartets and duets of girls are pretty, young and swoet-volced. Take it altogether, "Black Thorn" may be safely set down for a highly successful week's run. Harry Williams' Academy. Lester and Williams' London Novelty and Gaiety Company held tbe boards and tbe audience in a continual roar last night at Harry Williams' Academy. Tho burlesque, "Me and Jack," was received with instant ap proval. A round dozen of handsome womea, each of whom Is an artist in her role, aided and abetted by variety men of ability, rendered a performance which was, if anything, much above tho shows for which the Academy is so deservedly popular. Miss Estrella Sylvia, as Prince Vandyline, and later in a variety of "pas sent," nrule a hit. Tbe slngine of the Washburn sisters was excellent, and they bad to answer encores until they were tired out. To say that Gallagher and West, "Me and Jack," "took" tbe audi ence is one way of expressing a degree of popularity for a first night not always attained. They were excruciatirgly tunny, and made a most decide 1 hit. Sid Euson and Miss Annie Queen had a sot-to with the gloves in a burlesque on the Slavin-McAuliffo match. Later tho pair took part in a sue ten in which somn excellent singin?. dancing and "base ness" was witnessed. The performance closed on a happy adjustment of the difficulties in the burlesque, in which the heroine comes out in triumph and the bold, bad baron is very prop erly defeated. The costuming of the piece was excellent. Ic Is bound to have crowded bouses during tbe rest of the week. Davis' Fifth Avenue Mnesnm. Tbe typewriter contest at this house is a genuine novelty, and a very pleasing one to boot. Eight youne ladies, all experts on the typewriter, have entered for the race, which promises from yesterday's record to be a close one. Tbe fair contestants occupy a raised stage in tho hall en the second flour, and they havo every facility for making fast time. Tbe names of the young ladles are not given, and they are known by numbers simply. Tho contest is superintended by Prof. Smart, of the Eclectic Shorthand and Business College of this city, which guarantees tbe geuuineness of the race. It is a very pretty sight to see the young ladies putting In their best licks on the delicate ma chines, and the large audience, in which were many who had never seen typewriters In opera tion, were deeply interested in the exhibition. The prizes, amounting in all to $300. are large enough to stimulate the contestants, and an ex citing race is in sight. There is a good and varied performance In the theater. James Irwin does wonders on the high trapeze. Ho balances himself on his head on the trapeze.and does all sorts of tbinzs, eating, drinking and smoking, in tbat position. Harry Pink's balancing of light and heavy weights, Livam's feat on an invisible slack wire, Charles Kana's musical act, and Cooper and Copperfield's character sketch are also good features. Samson, the breaker of Iron and other Yery solid things is another curiosity. The World's Museum. The greatest curiosity at this popular house is little Annie Nelson, who, although odo of thn smallest people in the world, has a voice ot unusual sweetness and power. Cbe Mab, tbe royal Chinese dwarf, remains here also, and Joljn Thompson, the blind checker player, who Is willing to play a match with anyone at tho popular game, and can whittle to beat most Yankees. Tbe baby monkey, and some re markably venomous and terrible snakes of rare species are on exhibition. In tbe theater tbe Howard Brothers Specialty Company gives an entertaining performance. The Howard brothers themselves are very clever,artists on tb9 Mexican ladder trapeze, and they are followed by Jerome, who does some wonderful contortion acts. Acker and Collins, the musical comedians, Roscland and Morton, the change artists, and Val Vino, who does some curious feats of Japanese uggllng. In spite of tho weather a great many people en joyed tbe World's big programme yesterday. Public Opinion. From the Detroit Free Press. 1 This is a very good time of the year tore member that the real public opinion is tho best attainable average of the judgment of respon sible people, and also that these people are not generally found In places of public resort, but aro apt to be of tbe quieter kind who "say noth ing, but saw wood," or. as Is often the case, cut candidates. It Is the talk and the thought of tbe quiet home circles, in thousands ot rural and city homes, tbat determines the only real and the only effective publlo opinion. CURIOUS C05DKKSATI05S. London has more Scotch than Edin burgh. American railroads would reach halt way to tho moon. In 1743 not a house in Maine had a pane of glass in it The rails in the United States would go round the earth 12 times. Missouri is not a bad State for water melons. Mississippi county sent 3.000 car loads of them to market. A bill to forbid and punish the making of caricatures has been introduced into the Legislature of Vermont. Young mules which have not been trained to kick are selling in Howard county, Missouri, at from $10 to $60. An Oil City milliner has a very unique novelty in tbe shape of a broom made from the wings of the English sparrow. Faster steamers and swifter trains will make tbe circuit of the world in CO days a pos sible feat in the present generation. About 200 letters are mislaid or miscar ried every day because of the identity of the namcof the State of Washington and of the National Capital. A prominent electrical engineer states that about 60 storage battery street railroad motors aro now in operation In various cities of the United States and Europe. Sir William Petty predicted 200 years ago that tho population of London wonld reach i.000.000 in tbe nineteenth century a forecast more than verified by the event. An English company has purchased the petroleum field near Payta, In Peru, and ex pects to furnish oil ennngh for tho whole of South America, Australia. China and Japan. A law has been promulgated at Har dincer. in Norway, to tho effect that no girl shall be eligible lor tbe marriage state until she is proficient in spinning, knitting and bak ing. The projected elevated road in Boston will almost graze tbe old South Church and the old State House and will cross very nearly above tbe ground ot tbe famous Boston massa cre. Mexico is called a republic, but, as a matteroffact.it is governed by an oligarchy of landlords. Some of these men own vast aomaiDS, oue possessing 500.000.000 acres of land. Justices of the Peace were first ap pointed in England by E iward Hi. in the year 12T7, and in 13G0-I tbey wero empowered to try felonies, while their wages were fixed by Rich ard II. in 13S3. As late as last Thursday the children of Abraham Lincoln Fritz, of Nardmont. Pi, picked two quarts of ripe strawber ries. This is a Sullivan county event of fruit ful significance. Alaska exported during the past year, whalebone, $1,159,905: whale oil, $172,500; cod fish. $555,000: salmon. $3,355,000; cold (estimated) $2,0uu,000; all other exports sufficient to make the total $9,840.7JO. The total number of barrels of beer brewed In tbe United Kingdom in the year ending March 31. 1&J9, wasf2S,tfH,793. Of these 2.S1C C32 barrels were browed in Ireland, and l.lso.TUU in Scotland. In China all the land belongs to the State, and a trifling sum per acre, never altered through long centuries, is paid as rent; this is the only tax In the country, and it amounts to but about 6J cents per head. Four tame ducks have cost the county of Cascade, Hon., about $S0O owingto cross suits among neighbors for trespass, perjury and threats of bodily ba'm. One of the men has been sent to the penitentiary. The British South Africa Company, it is reported, has Droposed to its employes tbat any servant discovering a mine in tho country covered by the company's charter will be mado a co-proprietor of it with the company. The Archbishop's throne, designed and executed by Grinling Gibbons, which was pre sented to Canterbury Cathedral by Archbishop Tenison, has, it is said, for many years past been stowed away as lumber in a damp cellar adjacent to tbe cathedral cloisters. A number of ornithologists residing in the vicinity of Philadelphia have organized the "Delaware Valley Ornithological Club." for the study of the birds ot Southeastern Pennsylvania and Southern New Jersey, with special reference to tbefr migration ia the t valley of the Delaware river. ' The elephant is almost as amphibious an animal as tbe hippopotamus. They canstay under water five minutes at a time without any Inconvenience and they swim like ducks. Fre quently they are carried Into a river or creek in the summer time to bathe, and like tbe water so well tbat it's a hard matter to get them out of it. i Take a pencil and multiply twice two are four twice fonr are eight eta, and you will find tbat in tbe twentieth generation you bad 1,013,570 ancestors, without counting tho intermediate generations, and in tbe thirtieth generation you had over 1,000.000,000 of ances tors, without counting those between yourself and tbe thirtieth. A careful survey of Westminster Abbey, taken under the direction of the Royal Com mission, which has jnst adjourned its sittings, has made known tbe fact that there still re main 90 places within the edifice where inter ments may take place. Ic is pointed out that, taking tbe average of the last century, it will be a long time before these 90 places are filled up. Hares and rabbit3 confine their ma neuvers chiefly to a succession of vigorous kicks, delivered by tho bind legs in the act of jumping over each other. A fight betweentwo hares is a droll sight, appearing much like a jumping match, tho skipping exercise being kept up with tremendous energy and nerve: but a blow from the leg of a hare is no laugh ing matter for tbe recipient, who occasionally finds itself knocked out of tbe world alto gether. Among smaller birds perhaps none wage war more desperately tban tbe English domesticated robin. A writer in Longman! Magazine says tbat an invalid friend of his was amused for six consecutive days by the antics of other robins, which came regularly at 10:30 A. 31. and fought a duel on tho lawn out side bis window. The combat Invariably lasted until one or two became too exhausted tore cover his legs, whereupon tbe victor would seize blm and tiiumphantly drag him round the inclosure. IIUMOIt AND FANCY. Primary The collection. Secondary The nomination. Tertiary The election. Chicago Globe. "It's very hard," sighed the gas meter; "I always register, but 1 can't vote. Puck. It is natural enough that a man who runs for office should take advantage of race preju dices. Chicago Timet. A. How much Miss Homely looks like her mother. B. Yes, the resemblance U positively frightful. Texas Sifting i. "I'm airaid your remark cut Mr. Chest nut lo the quick." Nonsense! Mr. Chestnut Is a Pblladelphlan.". Sew l'ork Sun. The cards of invitation to a fashionable -wedding In Washington bear the surprising words "No presents." To some persons this In novation will rob matrimony of one or Its great est charms. Hew Xork World. Tuffer How, was the boxing exhibition a good show? Slugger First rate. Tuner Any marked features In the entertain ment? Slugger You'd say so If yon saw some of the fellows that got hit. Chicago Ulube. A young woman whohad a check for 514 on a' certain Detroit bane presented It at the cashier's desk, and he politely said: Yon will please Indorse it, mis." he took It over to the desk and wrote on the back: "I want this money awful bad yours truly please pay the bearer. .Wetroft Free i'reis. Hojack A great deal of attention is being devoted to airships nowadays. l'assirer Yes. Just as has been the case lor thousands or years. llojaek I didn't know tbat aerial navigation was a matter of Investigation so long ago as that, Passlfer O, yes; there has been trouble over heirships ever sine? Esau, and Jacob traded la birthrights. Chicago Inter Ocean, The first performance of a new play wa a perfect falture, nevertheless a well-dressed gen tleman iu the audience persisted In calling for the ' author. Another party sitting alongside of the' vociferous gentleman said tolilm: 'lu the uiuo of common sense, why do you persist In calling for the author ot this wretched play?" That's Just It. I must sea the man who li capable of writing such rubbish. The author: Bring oat the author! Hurrah I Bravo!" lusat tHftingt,
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers