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THE PITTSBURG DISPATCH, SU2STDAY. ' OCTOBER '26, 1890.V
ijgpafolj.
ESTABLISHED FEBRUARY 8. IMS.
Vol. 43, N . Ml. - Entered t Pittsburg PnstoBce.
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rlTTSBURG. SUNDAY. OCf. 2G. 1S90.
COMPETITION AND WAGES.
Before the effect of cutting off the supply
of cas from the puddling furnaces can pos
sibly have made itself felt in the coal trade,
word conies from up the Monongahela river
that the demand for the labor of the miners
is gettin; ahead of the supply. This is ex
plained by the fact that a large share of the
miners have found other occupations, the
development of new industries atsnch places
as Belle Vernon and Charleroi having af
forded them employment of other kinds. The
result is that as the winter approaches the
coal mines have not enough men to keep up
the usual output, and as a consequence it is
becoming necessary for better wages to be
offered in order to secure workmen. If the
new departure in cas, in this city, should
cause a return of the mills to coal, it would
emphasize this necessity to the extent of a
a radical increase of wages.
Such an outlook is exceedingly gratifying
to the miners and all who arc glad to see an
enhancement of earnings for men whose in
dustry is always severe and generally ill
paid. But it has an additional value in
illustrating the error of the principle that
the free action of competition pulls down
"wages and grinds the laboring class down into
poverty. Such a doctrine can only arise
from a failure to perceive that where com
petition is perfectly untrammeled and even,
the competition of employers for the labor
ot workingmen will have its effect in raising
wages just as much as the competition of
laborers for employment will in bringing it
down. This especial case is a good exam
ple of the operation of this principle. New
industrial establishments in the Monon
gabela Valley created a demand for labor,
jn addition to that furnished by the coal
mines, and many of the coal miners found
employment there. Now when the coal
mines wisn to increase their output the com
petition makes it necessary for them to offer
additional inducements before they can get
their men back. The samedemand for com
mon labor in this city has raised wages; and
where, a year or two ago, men could be had
for ?1 25 or SI 50 per dav, contractors now
find good men scarce at Si "5 and ?2 00.
The reason why the operation of this in
fluence is not more frequently seen, is partly
because people refuse to see it, but more
generally because the organization of in
dustry is such as to check the freedom of its
action on one side while leaving it free on
the other. The competition ol half a dozen
corporations for the labor of 100,000 miners
in the anthracite regions cannot be as free
as the competition of the 100,000 wage work
crs for the means of earning food for their
families; and when the half dozen corpora
tions unite they are successful in throwing
the action of competition all on one side.
Tue same thing can be seen, in varying de
grees, throughout the entire gamut ot in
dustrial organization, and it is the effort to
correct this unevennessof competition which
justifies the organization of labor unions.
These organizations sometimes fail and
sometimes succeed to the extent of throwing
the unevenness of competition all to the
other side. But that in all such cases where
the one-sideduess of competition oppresses
labor, the lault is due not to competition
but to the organizations which obstruct it,
appears from two facts wbich are almost
-universal. The first is that wherever the
industry of a district or locality is under the
control of a single corporation or combina
tion so that a laborer has got to go elsewhere
to find competing employment, there the
labor of that industry is worst paid. The
second is that in the places where the com
petition ol'employers most nearly approaches
perfect freedom as in a locality of small
farmers there the share of the products of
industry assigned to labor is the greatest.
These tacts indicate very clearly that the
most thorough method of improving the
condition of laborers is to turn the effort in
the direction of increasing the competition
for their labor. This can be sought for, not
only in the way of facilitating the transfer of
labor from the points where it is abundant
to those where it is needed; but in the way
of creating an additional demand. Every
laborer who is able to work for himself in a
small way, adds to the demand for labor, by
making himself his own employer. Every
successful co-operative or profit-sharing en
terprise increases the proportionate demand
for labor by making the laborers to a greater
or less dejree their own employers. The
unions meet, or aim to meet, the a temporary
urgency by checking the competition of
laborers for wages; but the lasting way in
which to secure the fullest share of the
products of industry, is to use every means
to make the competition for labor as active
and untrammeled as the competition for
wages.
ljel
PKKTINEXT ADVICE.
!, A telegraph correspondence recently took
place between an alarmed postmaster in
Arkansas and the Postoffice Department at
Washington which contains instructive
suggestions. The Arkansas official, wrought
by an incident which, though supposed to
to be indigenous to that region, must be
conceded to be disturbing, telegraphed as
follows:
"Hon John Wanamaker, Washington. D. C:
Stranger entered office to-day and presented a
Winchester rifle at my head In a threatening
manner. Wire answer at once."
We 'are glad to be informed' that the
Fourth Assistant Postmaster General rose
to the occasion and promptly telegraphed
back ''Johnny Get Your Gun." Everyone
will recognize the pertinence and adequacy
of the advice, though perhaps it may seem
more satisfactory to the man who tenders it
at the safe distance of a thousand miles
than to him who contemplates the situation
at the wrong end of a Winchester rifle.
Still as there really is no more effective
remedy for the inconvenience of strangers
who enter your office and toy sportively
with shooting-irons, than to get your own
artillery into action, we must regard the
rostoffice Department as having met the
situation.
But the advice has a broader and more
typical application to alargc number of office
holders much nearer the Postal Department
than Washington. People who in that
function have been strangers since 1880,
have been entering the Government offices,
and presenting a figurative firearm at the
heads of the unfortunate clerks and have or
dered them to give.up a liberal percentage
of their salaries as "voluntary contribu
tions" to the Republican campaign. As
this is just as much a violation of the law
as the prank that was evidently inspired by
Arkansas whisky, the advice of the Fourth
Assistant Postmaster General should be
circulated around the departments at Wash
ington. Indeed the Fourth Assistant's epigram
should be turned in the direction of his
chief. Johnny should get his official gun
and fire the political highwaymen who are
plundering the department clerks, clear ont
of Washington.
Till: MIIXS AND THE1K GAS SUPPLY.
While the announcement from the Phila
delphia Company that it proposes to shut
off the natural gas from the puddling fur
naces in this city corns in the nature of an
unnecessarily sudden surprise, the situation
had better be apalyzed before indulging in
needless alarm. All that the company
could possibly mean, at the most, is if the
mills do not pay at the rate of 10 cents per
thousand feet, which is charged to domestic
consumers, the company will shut them off.
Practically this may be equivalent to the
non-alternative statement of purpose which
emanated from the company's office, as it is
a well-established fact that either coal, or
oil, or a mixture of both, can be used very
much more cheaply than gas at 10 cents per
thousand. Besides, the meter is a costly
appliance when constructed to register large
volumes of gas. In place of being pur
chased for a few dollars, as is the ordinary
domestic meter, it runs up into thousands.
But, setting aside the form in which the
corporation officials have chosen to spring
their demand, or declare their conclnsion,
as the reader may prefer, the situation is
not without its remedies. A number of the
large manufacturers have already found it
economical, and in every way advantageous
to have their own independent gas supply.
The Equitable Company is owned bv manu
facturers who supply their own works. The
Carnegie's likewise have their own gas. The
extensive Oliver firms have built the large
Monongahela line for themselves and other
customers; and Jones & Laughlins will
soon have a system of pipes flowing all the
gas they want from unbounded fields in
Washington county. All around the city,
at distances not too far for transportation,
there are still many thousand acres of gas
territory available; and if, like the foolish
virgins, there are any considerable number
of heavy manufacturers who have left their
lamps thus far untrimmed, the way is yet
open to them to band together and bring in
their own fuel. Artificial gas plants will be
found to work very well, not to speak of oil
and coal. So long as Pittsburg has the
latter, in inexhaustible and cheap supplies,
it will continue controlling the situation.
It would be improper, however, to pass
over the subject without commenting upon
the want of foresight which many ot onr
manufacturers exhibited in waiting so long
before providing themselves with fuel re
sources of their own. Whatever construction
may be placed upon the course of the Phila
delphia Company, and its announcement at
an inconvenient season, it has been no more
than reasonable to expect that its own in
terests would ultimately govern when the
paths divided. A broader spirit of enter
prise among our manufacturers would have
led to the. early securing for Pittsburg of a
system of service devoted wholly to their
own needs. But in contemplating any pres
ent inconvenience there is at least cause for
congratulation that a greater peril has not
materialized in the proposed syndicating of
the Monongahela coal interests, which was
so complacently discussed early in the year.
The idea then was to put these vast
coal fields into the hands of a for
eign corporation. The Dispatch, with
the city's interest at heart, discountenanced
the scheme as far as possible, and was glad
to see it fall through. The possibilities of
the local coal trade, in control by foreign
agency having no interest here excepting to
get the most money out of the place, would
have been far more serious and unpleasant
to contemplate than any temporary disrup
tion of existing arrangements as to the gas
supply.
We do not look for an interruption of the
prosperity which Pittsburg is now enjoying
in the action of the Philadelphia Company,
even though it may occasion temporary in
convenience. As we have said, there are
vast quantities of gas to be had, and inde
pendent means of getting it to the furnaces
are being adopted; and where these do not
answer it will be found that artificial gas
may be made directly or in combination
with Lima oil at a costof little, if any, more
than the charges now being made by the
Philadelphia Company to mill owners.
DISLOYALTY TO THE DRESS COAT.
Intelligence comes from New York which
is calculated to shake the foundations of
polite society and give the eminent rulers of
the aristocracy, from the clothes point of
view, the impression that the floodgates are
open and the landmarks, of the tailoring
point of view, in danger of being swept
away. The extent to which revolutionary
and proletarian ideas are encroaching upon
the very citadel of millionaire aristocracy is
shown in the disturbing news that Cnauucey
M. Depew, J. J. Astor, Jr., husband of one
of the Mrs. Astors, and the two Yanderbilts
boldly went to the theater the other night
in common cutaway coats and light trousers,
and actually advertised their neglect of the
sanctities of dress by sitting in that vulgar
garb and the seventh row from the front.
This will never dol Are our millionaires
determined to ignore the claims of society
upon them to respect its covenauces? Shall
they be permitted to cast down by one cruel
blow the work of the McAllisters and De
Lancey Kanes, who have spent la
borious years in building up the
walls of the social Zion to the
point where it resembles English society at
least in the matter of male habiliments? The
painstaking tnition ot the New York mind,
that if the male of the species docs not en
shrine himself in a swallow-tail at 7 P.M. be
fore going anywhere he is no better than a
Philistine, is all cast down. Tho spectacle
of the fluent Depew, backed by the repre
sentatives or 5400,000,000, discarding all the
traditions of the man-milliners, and un
blushingly appear at the theater in cutaway
coats and light gray trousers, brings to
naught all the work that has been done to
raise the autocracy of clothes to its lofty po
sition. These disloyal persons should be warned.
There are limits beyond which even corpora
tion Presidents and multi-millionaires must
not go. It may do for them to ignore State
Constitutions and override the regulative
statutes of the United States. But when
they trample under foot the sacred and un
alterable law of the dress co3t, they should
be aware that the outraged feelings of soci
ety will express themselves by calling these
ribald trifiers no better than vulgar common
people.
A CHARGE THAT RECOILED.
A remarkable and amusing indication of
a panic stricken state of mind was afforded
the other day by the Dclamater organ at
Philadelphia. A circular was sent to sev
eral firms asking for 100 subscriptions "for
a special political purpose" in a locality
which the signers did "not think it wise to
specify." This circular fell into the hands
of the Philadelphia Inquirer, and the
name of Joseph Wharton, which was signed
to it, being by some confusion taken for the
name of Wharton Barker the latter to
their minds like the red rag to the bull
they denounced it as a fraudulent attempt
to raise money in the interest of Pattison,
and asserted that its wording showed it to
be intended for a corruption fund. This
proves to have a terrible recoil, when it
turns out that the signers of the circular are
really supporters of Mr. Delamater, and
that the money is raised in his interest. His
own organ having undertaken to point out
the ear marks of a corruption fund, it is left
in a tolerably embarrassing position.
CONDITION Or THE CANVASS.
Though there are some meetings ap
pointed for the coming week, the Pennsyl
vania campaign is now practically closed so
far as mere argument is likely to influence
votes. Nearly everyone who intends to vote
strictly according to conviction upon the
claims of the candidates and the public
issues involved, has by this time made up
his mind. But this is by no means saying
that the work of the managers has finished.
That will not end until the polls are closed.
The task of getting out the votes and of
exerting any influences that can win over
such as may be swayed by other considera
tions than the direct issues, will of course,
as usual, be prosecuted to the last hour.
So far as the western part of the State
goes, there is every evidence that Pattison
will have a great vote probably majorities
where his party has minorities. Notwith
standing the activity of the managers of the
Delamater canvass during the past week, it
is.doubtful if they have been able to do
more than slightly stem the tide which had
already strongly set to Pattison, if they have
indeed succeeded in doing that to any ap
preciable degree. 'Of the state of feeling in
theEast we can only judge by reports; but
unless there is a tremendous lot of smoke
arising from very little fire, . Pattison will
also be able to show a vote there very far in
advance of his party.
Notwithstanding the bluffing predictions,
of large majorities made on both sides, The
Dispatch is of the opinion that it is im
possible for the prophets on either side to
foreshadow any figures that are more than
the merest guesses. Everything turns on
the extent of the independent Republican
voting. That is something no one can fully
measure in advance. That it will be of
large proportions is undoubted, but whether
it will reduce the normal Republican ma
jority of 00,000 or more to a mere minority,
or swell to the dimensions of an overwhelm
ing victory, which the more sanguine of
Pattison's supporters predict, is too fine a
piece of calculation for the experts, who
must recognize in it an unknown quantity.
About the only thing absolutely certain is
that, should Delamater.nolwithstanding the
decidedly adverse signs, pull through, it
will be by an uncommonly narrow margin
indeed, compared with what any other as
pirant to the Republican nomination would
have had if placed upon the ticket. At
present the signs on the whole are strongly
against his success at all.
BLAINE HELPING M7IUNLEY.
Mr. McKinley cannot ask for any better aid
than the Hon. James G. Blaine is giving
him. The speech made by the Secretary of
State last night, at Canton, is a splendid
plea for Mr. McKinley's election and a
masterly exposition of the Repub
lican national policy, especially as
regards protection with Mr. Blaine's
addition of reciprocity. Mr. Blaine's ap
peal to the believers in protection, Demo
crats as well as Republicans, to vote for Mc
Kinley regardless of partisan differences on
other points, is likely to have some effect
upon the contest. It is very evident that
Mr. Blaine's has lost none of his old-time
power, and we are glad to see it exercised in
so good a cause. v
Now Brooklyn is going to have its census
taken by the police. The practice is one that
is likely to become general among the cities.
This being the census year. It is obviously im
portant that cities of importance and enter
prise should take steps to find out what their
population is.
In view of the fact that Governor Hill
while Lieutenant Governor of New York once
counted a quorum in the New, York Senate
and is now attacking Speaker Reed fordoing
the same thing, tho Philadelphia 1'ress re
marks: "If the country ever produced a more
unscrupulous demagogue than Governor Hill
bis name has not been recorded." There is not
much room for doubt about Governor Hill's
demogognery, but the Press fails to follow the
matter ont to its legitimate conclusion. The
premise being asserted that to avow one prin
ciple at one time and then to throw it over
board at another for party purposes, the fact
becomes pertinent that Thomas B. Heed, as
serted on the floor of the House that the right
of the minority to withhold their votes and to
require the majority to pass their partisan
measures by having the vote of a quorum of
the whole in its favor, the reasoning ot the
.Press seems to put Mr. Reed ahead of Gover
nor Hill on its list of "unscrupulous demagogues."-
SenATOE Sheemak did not forget to
mention Mr. Delamater in his speech at Old
City Hall last night, but the Republican can
didate for Governor will probably think that
the Ohio statesman need not have expressed
his preference for General Hastings quite so
forcibly. j
Me. C. P. Huntington is quoted as at
tributing his success in life to the fact that
when he was young, whenever he saw a one
penny nail on the floor be picked It up and took
care of it, and did not wait until he came
across a ten;penny nail iu the same place be
fore exerting himself. The example Is en
couraging to the aspiring young man. Mr.
Huntington's career certainly shows that it a
man picks up enough one-penny nails and Gov
ernment subsidies, he may eventually rise to
the height of princely alliances.
Perhaps the reason why Senator Plumb
is not with Senator Ingalls on the tatter's
stumplnc tour through Kansas is to be found
in the fact that bis speeches, if of the kind that
he delivered in Conn ess, would have to be
given on the Democratic side of the Kansas
fight. ,
The Rochester Post-Express says that any
one who tries to create a panic for partisan
purposes is deserving of the severest censure.
This is intended to operate on the Republican
side in other States, but it serves as a very apt
description of the Philadelphia Inquirer in
this State, wbich is repeating the declaration:
"It Robert E. Pattison is elected Governor of
Pennsylvania, the fires In the furnaces may as
well be drawn and tho great manufacturing in
dustries, of Pennsylvania may as well close
their doors."
Dudley's "blocks of five" libel suit
against the New York World is once moro
brought to the pnblic notice by reason of the
continued indisposition of Dudley to appear on
his own side of the case.
The .Fenian Brotherhood, at its recent
convention, took the wise step of abolishing
its secret oath. It was quite right in practi
cally asserting that mystery has been a burden
to the Irish movement in America. Nothing is
to be done in this country for Ireland that may
not safely be done with full publicity; and the
same thing could be said about a good many
other secret organizations.
Senator Edmunds asserts that there
are some rights left to the States. It looks as
if the Senator had not been able to master the
reasoning of the courts on the original package
question.
"Yesterday's storm would have been
hailed as a fine vindication of the equinoctial
theory if it had only been considerate enough
to come a month ago," savs. the New York
T ibune. But the fact is that as this series of
storms has lasted about a year and a half, it
will vindlcato almost any theory except that
which is based on fine weather.
After one week more the politicians
will begin to contemplate a return to the basis
of truth and soberness.
Ann Odelia Diss Debar has reap
peared on the scone of action once more in
Brooklyn, where she advertises to produce
"spirit pictures." Ann Udelia has made a mis
take. If she had come to Pennsylvania she
could have got steady employment from the
Dclamater managers in turning out spook pic
tures for campaign material.
PERSONAL JOTTINGS.
Emin PashX's .real name is Eduard
Schnitzler.'
Antonio be Navarro, the husband of
Mary Anderson, has just come. into a legacy of
S330.000, left him by the late Francis Dykers, of
New York.
The country place of G. W. Childs, at Bryn
Mawr, is said to be one of the finest in the
United States. The pay-roll for servants alone
averages about $1,009 a month.
MBS. Johw W. Mackay opened the antumn
season in the American colony in London this"
week by a reception given in honor of her
father. Colonel Daniel Hungerford.
CHAUNCEY Depew learned while in Europe
that Bismarck did bis best to bring on a war
between Germany and the United States at the
time of the Samoan troubles, but Emperor
William overruled him.
Robert Adams, Jr., ex-United States Min
ister to Brazil, divides with ex-Select Council
man A. Haller Gross the distinction of being
the beau ideal among the bachelors of Phila
delphia's best society. Mr. Adams is a Colonel
on the Governor's stall, and a prominent figure
in the Philadelphia Club andtheUnioiiLeague.
Rudyard Kipling came by his very uncon
ventional Christian name in a rather romantic
way. The future parents of the brilliant nov
elist plighted their treth on the shores of the
well-known English Lake Kndyard, And com
memorated the occurrence later m life by the
novel method of christening their son with the
name of the place.
Dr. Kotjcharsky, a professor of medicine
in St. Petersburg, completed alecture on acids,
and then poured some drops from a vial in a
glass. Then he said to bis class: "Attention,
young menl In two, minutes you will see a man
die. Good-by toyou allt" He drank tho
liquid, took out bis watch, and counted the sec
onds until ha dropped dead.
Rev. Howard MacQueary, the Canton
Episcopal clergyman, whoso book. "Evolution
and Christianity." created such a stir in chnrcb
circles and who was accused of heresy on ac
count of his views on Christ's divinity and
resurrectiou, will be tried next week by a
church commission of which Rev. Dr. Ganter,
of Akron, will be Chairman.
John T. Ford, of Baltimore, the veteran
theatrical manager, looks 20 years younger
than he actually is. He was well advanced
along life's highway when President Lincoln
was shot in his theater at Washington City.
Mr. Ford is said to be the oldest theatrical
manager in the country in consecutlvo years of
business, and has brought out more great
dramatic stars than any other manager.
Ajiono the yountr unmarried ladies who
shine in New York social circles by reason of
their beauty is Miss Bruco Price, the daughter
of Bruce Price, the distinguished architect.
Miss Price is handsome and statuesque, and her
belleship at Tnxedo. Newport and In the city is
unquestioned. She is very tall and stately, has
soft brown eyes, lustrous brown hair, and is an
unusually clever and accomplished girl.
"I have written much and am tired." That
is M. Ludovic Halevy's excuse for putting an
end, while still living, to a long and prosperous
career of antborshlp; and it is probably as good
an excuse as any that could be offered. Yet
M. Havley is by no means an old man, being
still under (10. His plays have brought him
fame and moneyvand his voluntary retirement
from the literary field was entirely unex
pected. The mother of Mane Basbkertseff has
erected a wonderful monument to her daughter
near Paris, that looks more like a house than a
tomb. The interiorwhich can be plainly seen,
contains the young artist's rocking chair, little
table and favorite books, and the names of her
paintinzs shine In gold letters on the wall. A
perpetual light burns before her bier, which
her girl friends heap every day 'with fresh
flowers, and her portrait, life size, hangs
above it.
Rev. Dr. Joseph Parker, of London, is
making a crusade against old methods of wor
ship and exhortation. He says that preaching
is no longer an effective instrument of the
gospel. Preachers, he thinks, are - living in a
fool's paradise, driveling theology instead ot
dealing directly with the daily life of the peo
ple. Dr. Parker has invited correspondence
from all classes of persons for the purpose of
learning what the public think of the pulpit
and its methods.
Foster Coates tells a ludicrous story of
how his ideas of Ward McAllister, leader or
the Four Hundred, were destroyed by his flrit
visit to that magnate. He had imagined the
social magnate as a man who arrayed himself
in purplo and fine linen silk stockings includ
ed, of course- It was duringthe morning when
Mr. Coatos called, and tho society dictator re
ceived him In a greasy old shooting coat, wear
ing on his feet a pair of slippers that flopped
up and down on his heels as he walked, reveal
ing white cotton hose, Mr. Coates' conclusion
was that silk stocking gentry do not necessa
rily wear silk stockings.
Captain David A. Lyle, of the United
States Ordnance Denartment, Is thoroughly,
qualified to speak on the subject of World's
Fairs, having been military assistant to Com
missioner Franklin during the Paris Exposi
tion. In referring to the forthcoming Colum
bian display to be held In Chicago he says we
need not hope to rival the Paris Exposition
from an artistic standpoint, but In magnitude.
in scone, in magnificence and variety of natural
products, in machinery, in invention, and many
other ways he thinks our four hundredth anni
versary celebration will go ahead of anything
over attempted Id the line of international
fairs.
THE TOPICAL TALKEfi.
A Slippery Peddler.
Come curious confidences were exchanged by
the clergymen of the Protestant Episcopal
Church who met here last week. Here Is one
of them:
Tho subject of work among the poor of onr
great cities bad been under discussion, and one
or the clergymen said: "I think there is espe
cial need for a moro kindly and sympathetic at
titude toward ex-convicts. The man who
Comes ont of the penitentiary often finds very
little encouragement or opportunity to lead an
honest life."
"flo doubt there is a wide field for us in the
direction yon suecest," said another clergy
man, who hails from a great city in the East,
"but I must'say that a recent experience of
mine has dampened my ardor. One day last
month a member of my congregation called to
see me about some church matters. I accom
panied him to the door when he left, and had
hardlv taken myfceat again in the library when
the door bell rang, and in a minnte or so the
housemaid informed me that a man wished to
see me. 1 went out and found a disreputable
looking fellow standing in the hall. I asked
him what he wanted, and he said he bad some
soap to sell. I told him 1 did not need any soap,
and ho raid In a monrnful tone that'that wasy
what everybody said 'nobody would buy soap
nor nothin'.'
"There was something piteons about the man's
acceut and I felt I ought not to send him away
empty. I took him into the library and when
he was seated I asked him to tell me something
aoont himself.
" 'I'll make no bones about it,' he said, 'I've
just come out o' the penitentiary and I'm try
in' to make an honest livin' the only-way I can.
bnt nobody wants my. soap nor nothin'. 1
wasn't always this low down. Before I was
tempted and took my employer's money I wore
just as good clothes as you do, sir broadcloth
instead of these b ere rags. They sent me to the
pen an' none o' my old friends '11 speak to me
now."
"I was quite touched, for tho man's eyes
brimmed with tears as be talked, and, although
1 knew my wife would throw it away, I bought
half a dozen cakes of soap, much to his sur
prise and joy.
" 'May heaven bless you, sir,' he said. "I've
had nothin' since mornin' to eat. I've pawned
nearly everything, and the only thing I've got
left is this umbrella an' that'll have to go
soon,' and he held up a good sillc umbrella as
he walked toward the door. I cut his thanks
short and showed him out.
"When I had laid the soap on the table, I
Btepped into the ball to call my wife. Just then
the door bell rang, and thinking it was the ex
convict with the soap back again I opened it.
It was not the ex-convict, but the gentleman
who had preceded him.
" 'I've come back for my umbrella,' he said.
'I left it here when I called.'
"We both looked at the umbrella stand. One
very aged and clerical umbrella, which I bad
never been able to lose, met our gaze. Then we
concluded it must be in the library, and we
searched that apartment. He was sure be had
left it in the stand in the hall, quite surra- It
was a gold-handled umbrella his son had
brought him this summer from Europe, and he
valued it highly.
"Strangely enough,' he added, 'It is the only
umbrella I have left,' and theu it flashed across
me that the ex-convict with the soap had said
nearly tho same words about his silk um
brella. "The tearful gentleman with the soap had
taken the umbrella. And that's why I say that
I feet discouraged about the ex-convict ques
tion." Hani to Keep Clean.
fLEANLINESS is next to godliness," said the
lady of the house to a particularly dirty
tramp who had declined an offer of soap and a
basin of water before he ate the breadfasthe
had begged. "It may be with you, ma'am,"
said the tramp, "but to my business it's next to
impossible!"
Practicing on a Physician.
Tt was 3 o'clock in the morning when the doc
tor's night bell rang. The doctor had not
been long enough in the business to disregard
the 'summons, and he came to the window. The
rain wis falling in torrents, still the doctor
leaned out of the window and asked: "Who is
nr
"I want Dr. McC ."
The young doctor bad taken Dr. McC 'a
house, and Dr. Mc(3 himself had moved to
another city.
"I'm Dr. B ," said the young doctor "and
Dr. McC has moved away."
"Can you give me his address?" was the ex
asperating query that next ascended through
the rain, and the window was slammed down
viciously.
No Mistake Possible.
tt is the custom of the Home Missions Board
to send to the ministers requiring assist
ance in blank forms, in which the particulars
as to" each member of tho minister's family are
to be written out. This is to enable the char
itably inclined to send appropriate clothing,
etc, in each case. Before the system of send
ing out these blanks wad adopted the mission
boxes did not always meet tho precise needs ot
the families to whom they were sent. Nice
little babies' socks, went to people who had
grown-up children, and heavy boys' overcoats
and trousers to circles of which a baby girl per
haps was the hope and joy.
But the census blanks have changed all that.
Occasionally the details furnished are super
fluous. For instance one worthy man described
his family circle thus:
Mr. James B. Adams male
Mrs. Mary U. Adams female
Mr. Robert Adams male
Mr. Jonas Adams male
Miss Alice Adams female
Tho Oil Softened Them.
VX7HEN they began to strike oil near the town
the church people and they were in the
majority did not relish it. They freely said
that oil drillers were ungodly for the most part,
and their hearts were full ot guile. The in
vasion of scouts, drillers and the rest of the oil
men was looked upon as a calamity. Nearly
all the ministers alluded to the impending dis
turbance of the community's peace from the
pulpit, and one divine denounced the entire
oil industry as the Evil One's work, in asermon
an hour long ana full of striking argument.
A few weeks went by and it was strange to
note the change which came over the commu
nity's views on the oil question. Most of the
land near town had been leased by oil specula
tors, and derricks were going up and drills were
going down on all sides. There was less talk
about the wickedness of taking oil from the
earth's interior, and less dennnciation of the
men who drilled the wells even among tho
chnrch members.
A few months went by, and everybody in the
town had the oil fever. Most of the leading
citizens had money Invested in the oil bnsiness.
and there was not a church member who had
not taken some sort of a flyer in oil. Two of
the ministers had paying wells, and a third
divine, the one who preached the long sermon,
he had come around, too.
It was as to this last opponent of the oil busi
ness that 1 inquired of an old residenter:
"Oh! Mr. B 's all right," was the reply;
"he's got a well in his back yard somewhere
that's greasing bis conscience to the extent of
$25 a day I" Hepburn Johns.
KING SOLOMON'S MINES
Encouraged by Recent Discoveries Archae
ologists Think They Will be I'onnd.
From the London Spectator.l
We shall find King Solomon's mines yet.
The Times' correspondent with the expedition
to Mashonaland, South Africa, reports the
discovery, or rather the re-discovery, for they
were before visited by a German explorer
named Maucb, of Cyclopean ruins near Zln
babye, on the plateau. Tbey lie at the base of
a precipitous Granite "kopje," or knoll, within
an outer wall some 4 feet tilzh, which runs en
tirely round it. Within this is another circu
lar wall, and then a series of lnclosnres, one of
which is circular, inclosing pn area of 'Z10
feet in diameter. This is surrounded by a wall
30 feet high, 10 feet thickat tho base, tapering to
7 feet at the top. "made of granite blocks about
twice the size of an ordinary brick, beautifully
hewn ana dressed, laid in perfectly even
courses, and put together without mortar or
cement." Within the area stands a conical
tower, 18 feet in diameter at the base and 35
feet high, built in the samo way of solid ma
sonry. Similar inclosnres, bnt smaller, are scattered
round the "kopje." and on its top is a mass ot
granite intended for a citadel. The Mashoua
natives have no notion of tho origin of the
buildings which struck some ancient Portu
guese explorers as being: "Moorish." and others
as the work ot the Queen of Sheba. It is
imagined by the expedition, from their situa
tion, that they were built to protect, or, as we
have elsewhere suggested, to coerce the workers
in ancient gold mines, traces ot which have also
been discovered.
A GB0WXNG RESEMBLANCE.
A Photographic Investigation of Married
Peoples' Faces to Test the Matter.
Prom Chamber's Journal. 1
It has been asserted by physiologists that
married couples after living together for a
nnmber of. years, and having thoughts and oc
cupations in common, become not only hko one
another in mind, as might be expected, buttbat
they also begin to resemble one another in
facial appearance.
With a view to the elucidation of this point,
the Geneva Photographic Society has taken a
number of pictures of husbands and wives,
wbich are said to give the following resnlts: Of
the 78 couples photographed, 21 were found to
resemble 'one another to a greater degree than
it they bad borne the relationship of brother
and sister; while in 30 cases the resemblance
was as great as if tbey stood in that relation
ship. We aro inclined to, think that the resnlts ar
rived at cannot be considered as reliable unless
the investigation was conducted in a certain
way. If the photographs were handed to an
artist who was accustomed to the study of the
bnman face, and he, without knowing the
originals, succeeded in pairing the husbands
and wives by their likeness to one another, and
did so correctly, the experiment would bo
most significant. But if they were already
paired, the desire to find a likeness between
them would most surely give rise to a false
issue.
IN A COUNTRY CHTJKCHYARD.
'Mid waving grass the broken headstones He;
The carven cross-bones show, the blades be
tween, And half effaced, the once known names arc
seen.
'Neath bright liued mosses, clinging tenderly.
No flower decked monument here charms the
passerby:
The dead sleep lost below the exuberant ?recn;
None cares to read what once their lives had
been; f
Their words, their deeds, have passed from mem
ory. It hurts our tender vanity to know
That time may bring us to the same cold plight.
When we and all we lore hate passed from
sleht.
And o'er our beads the amended grasses grow.
Ihe dally tide or lire may ebb and flow.
But we shall rest within oblivion's night.
V. Q. in Chamber's Journal.
OHIO BUCKEYES.
Game is reported as being very plenty in the
country abont East Liverpool.
AT New Alexandria on Wednesday SO merino
sheep tipped the beam at 5.010 pounds.
There is talk of increasing the police force
of Dayton by adding mounted police
PlCKIXG green Lima beans in the garden
away at the end ot October is an experience of
Mrs. A. A Bolton, of Akron.
The wires and poles for Martin's Ferry's
electric street railway have been ordered and
will be put up as rapidly as possible.
FOUR or five horses have been stolen within
a few miles of Salem in tho last six or eight
weeks, and none of them have been recovered.
The complete abandonment of the Baltimore
and Ohio branch to St. Clalrsvillc is causing
mnch complaint among residents along the
route.
Ik the potato crop of Jefferson county Is 70
per cent of the average.why shonld potatoes re
tail in the city of Steubeuvilie at SI 25 per
bushel.
The rate of taxation for Martin's Ferry this
year is $2 75 on the hundred dollars. Just U
cents higher than any other point in Belmont
county.
Denton Graves, of Zanesville, found a
Spanish dollar, coined in 1802, while tearing
down an old dwelling near Frank's watchouse
on Tuesday.
HALE3I people are all worked up over the
prospect of a N. Y., P. fc O. and Erie Railway
extension, and want to bond the town for $50,
00 to bnild the branch.
Columbiana aud Jefferson counties are free
from debt; Mahoning has a bonded dent of
J53.000; Tuscarawas, SS5,000: Carroll, 163,000; Bel
mont, J175,; Stark, J106.000.
It is reported that water wells on the lake
shore and in and around Oregon township have,
for the most part,stopped flowing on account of
the numerous oil wells that have been sunk in
that vicinity.
The corn crop of the country is turning out
somowhat better than was expected. The
yield per acre in Ohio is estimated to bs 31
bushels.. The full crop in Onto is estimated to
be92.229.123 bushels.
There is a project on foot to run tho Wheel
ing Electric Railway line from Martin's Ferry
tot Portland, and it is said that all asked for
is a free right of way. The line would parallel
the Wheeling and Lake Erie.
There is prospect ot a" new town down the
the river just below Portland, and 21 miles
below Stenbonvllle. It is platted on the
Hodgens' farm, and is to be called Highland
City. Its level is ten feet above the '84 flood,
and it is declared to be the finest location for a
new town in the upper Ohio Valley.
AT Zanesville on Thursday the grand jury
came oefore Jndge Philips to inquire whether
or not a person stealing a dog was guilty of
larceny. The Judge charged: "If it should be
proved to you that anyone has stolen a dog in
this county, if it also appear that the dog stolen
was 'of value,' you would be authorized to
indict; in the absence of proof of any value,
you shonld not indict."
ONE HALLOWEEN.
"It Is Halloween," the maiden said:
And the clouds went scurrying overhead,
And-tbe wind rushed madly after;
And It bore on Us wlnss half-slltled sighs.
And strains of wild songs, and plaintive cries.
And a sound like a witches' laughter.
"I shall dream to-night. " the maiden said:
And the light of the embers, dull and red.
Showed the spectral shadows dimly.
And they came and went, and gathered and
grew.
And took strange shapes and terrors new,
And loomed In the chamber grimly.
The gaunt trees stood In the darkness wrapped.
On the wisdow-pancs their bare twigs tapped
With a sound most ghostly seeming;
i!nt no echo woke in the maiden's heart.
And the grnesome shadows round no part.
No place in her clear soul's dreaming.
Leigh Harold, in BetfortVs Magazine.
X
WALL STREET LECTURES
Are to be Delivered at Yale College Upon
Investment Securities.
From the Wall Street Daily N ews.
Beginning on November 3, a courso of lec
tures, such as have never before been given at
Yalo University, will be delivered by F. W.
Hopkins, Yale '80. Mr. Hopkins is a son-in-law
of "Deacon" White and a member of the
brokerage firm of S. V. White &. Co., and has
chosen for his subject a course on "Investment
Securities."
The lectures will bo varied in their treat
ment, and will deal with the various securities
of railroads, corporations, banks, cities and
counties, and private enterprises of every kind.
The different forms of securities will be de
scribed and distinguished from one another,
with illustrations, and the advantages and dls
advantages of each for investment will be ex
plained. )
With the exception of a few general remarks
on the subject in the political economy classes,
this topic has been rigidly suppressed, and
never before has tho open discussion of Wall
street methods been allowed in the classic pre
cincts of old Yale.
DEATHS OF A DAY.
Judge William B. Snell.
rsrxciAt. tsxiobam to Tux msjpATcnr.i
Wasuinotov. October 25. Judge William B.
Snell died suddenly In this city Priaay night,
aged CS. For many years he was Judge of the
Police Court of Washington. He was a native of
JUalne, a graduate of Bowdoln and a brave soldier
in the Union army. He entered the service as a
Captain In Colonel Heal Dow's regiment, the
Thirteenth Maine, and came out a Lieutenant
Colonel. After the war he settled in Washington,
practiced law and became a Jndge. He was
President of the Board or Associated Charities of
the District of Columbia, and was active in many
good works.
Mrs. E.A. Brown.
Mrs. E. A. Brown., wife of W. J. Brown, and
sister of deorge Shenpard, the well-known bank
examiner or Pittsburg, died at Colorado Springs,
Thursday. Mrs. Brown had been sick for a short
time, and went to the springs In hopes of regain
ing her health. Her remains will be brought to
Plttsbnrr to-morrow to the home ofhermothcr,
160 BlutT utreet. Funeral from the Eighth V. IV
Church, Van ilram and Locust streets, on lues
day, October IS, t2 o'clock.
MURRAY'S MUSINGS.
No Dinner Like the Country Dinner Mov
ing Gold and Silver Bricks General
Sherman at the Show Flttsburjrers at
New York Hotels.
tritOH A STAFT COnr.KSFOSDEST.1
iiAfteh all there is nothing like sitting down
Jo an old-fashioned country dinner," said
a well-fed. portly Washmgtonian who has been
spending a week or two in New York. He bad
jnst been dined at the Manhattan Club in the
magnificent Stewart mansion. "Give me some
nice country spare ribs,orfried.chlcken,country
style, with vegetables from the garden, accord
ing to the season" he continued, "and yon may
have your club dinner, with its unknowable
delicacies, prepared heaven kpows bow, its
choice wines and its interminable cordials and
cigars and cossip. Let me look out upon the
quiet fields of waving grain, upon the natural
forests, the rocks, the shimmering stream, the
meadows anything rather than upon brick and
stone, reverberating with the roar of cabs and
carriages and cars. Perhaps I'm a trifle old
fashioned in my tastes. Call it so. I am at
least sincere.
"This Mew York lire is too fast for me. New
Yorkers followpleasnre with the same spirit
they follow business. They do it with a rush.
They nover seem to "let up. Pve been meet
ing men in Wall street during the day who are
energetically pushing their business, and. the
same men I have met at the clubs at night
pushing pleasure with the same snap and vim.
Their business is the most exciting kind, too,
and one would naturally think the wear and
tear ot it could be removed or reduced only by
rest. How men can live long in such a constant
whirl is beyond me. Tbey don't? Well, 1 see
most of them are prematurely gray. And yet
tbey look sleek and keen-oyed. are good feeders
and drinkers, and are altogether men of stoady
nerve. But such a life would kill me within a
year. Too fast! Too fast!
r m
Fads or the Foot lights.
'T'he fads of actresses and actors form a curi
ous study. Nearly every person on the
stage any length of time betrays a leaning to
some particular thing outside of her or his pro
fession, a conspicuous weakness. The lovely
Sadie Martinot, whosemported dresses excite
the woman world, lias a weakness forherpretty
self. Sho uses paper with an etching of herself
in one corner. Georgie Cayvan has a collec
tion of thirty scrap books. Emma Carson and
Mario Jansen like cats. Rose Coghlan spends
a great deal of time on a couple of big dogs
given her by Lester Wallack. Herbert Kelcey,
who divides time with Bob Hilliard as a stnge
beanty, never wears an overcoat. Llllle Allls
ton has raro bric-a-brac picked up in the
Orient. Minnie Palmer goes m for etchings.
Stewart Robson Is said to love old books.
Francis Wilson is crazy on the subject ot
Napdleon. He has a big bronze bust or the
Emperor, given him by some Columbia College
students whom he coached in amateur theatric
als. AVIlton LaCkaye has a unique collection
of fencing foil?. Langtry has tuaiiy fine pho
tographs with autographs. Mollle Thompson
is proud other four banjos. Harry Edwarden
goes in for bngs. He is an authority on ento
mology. Milucs Levick is in love with pipes.
Quite a popular fad with the varieties is rum.
It also affects qui to a number of the legitimate.
Wealth In Ilricks.
ViTnEN an express wagon stops at the Safe
Deposit Company's vaults, in the Equit
able building, a little crowd gathers about It.
For iu a few minutes a small truck load of sil
ver or gold bars, or rather bricks, comes up the
grating and is trundled around the corner to
the wagon. The latter is "fitted with a heavy
steel wire cage from -end to end. and high
enough tor men to stand'upright within. The
silver bricks are ingots, weighing about 25
pounds each, and look like so mnch tin. The
little tiuck is guarded by a bank official or two
and an extra expressman, who make np with
laborers half a dozen men. Add from IU to 20
messenger and telegraph boys, and men and
women of the passing crowd, and yon will have
the necessary number of persons it takes to
transfer these precious lumps of metal from
the vaults to the wagon.
These bricks are not pretty, bnt they have a
wonderful attraction for a crowd. And such a
serious, awe-stricken crowu, too you'd think
tho expressmen were removing a dead body.
When the bricks are gold you can tell it with
out getting close enougb to see the material,
for the public mouth is a little wider open and
the public eyes bnlge a little more, and the
pnblio voice is a little more hashed, than
usual.
General Sherman's Youtlifulness.
TN a proscenium box at the Casino the other
evening sat General Sherman. That griz
zled old veteran was as chipper as a boy of 20.
He was surroanded by ladies, as is usually the
case whenever he appears in public Perhaps
he felt younger than usual on this particular
occasion, because the last scene in the poor
potpourl opera it "Poor Jonathan" is laid at
West Point, and some 40 pretty young women
in full cadet regimentals went throngh a series
of military evolutions. The scene is from the
nater cattery, looking np the romantic Hud
son, and is certainly a beautiful as well as
a faithful one.
No wonder the gallant old General sat the
play out, and no wonder be applauded the
lovely and well drilled cadets. For it must
have reminded bim of bis own youthful career
of study and drill ana lovemaking upon that
same spot, thongh his companions In arms
probably had not the same attractions as these
companions in arms. If it didn't make him
think or the long and brilliant military career,
ot the many trying scenes ot camp and field,
the bold campaigns ot strategy and blood, that
have Intervened since then, there were those in
that crowded house who thought ot it. There
isn't another old man in New York, by the way,
who enjoys lite equal to old General Sherman.
Women at the Hotels.
A New Yore paper sent a male and
female reporter around to the first,
class hotels, the latter in the guise of a lady
witbont Daggaee seeking admission as a guest,
and ascertained that none of these hostelries
would receive a woman unaccompanied by a
gentleman. That is, unless they knew who she
was. It demonstrated, first, that a woman
alone at a public resort is regarded with sus
picion; second, that an honest, respectable
woman alone in New York is likely to en
counter difficulties in securing a resnectablo
place to sleep, if not to be subjected to insult,
and. third, that the first-class hotels or New
York are conducted on the only sare and un
questionably proper plan.
To receive a woman alone without baggage
in a hotel anywhere 13 to jeopardize tho reputa
tion of the house and bar it against admittedly
decent people. It is especially so in large cities.
The respectable hotels of New Y ork aro run on
the same plan in this respect adopted by such
hotels all over the world. First-class London
an Continental hotels will not receive snch
guests, baggage or uoj baggage. On general
principles it is the correct idea. While it may
seemingly work a hardship to a lew it is the
protection of the many. In every case where
New York hotels do not stringently enforce
this rule tbey have gained a reputation to be
shunned by every respectable person, male and
female.
Catering to the NickeL
A down-town lunch room is a private mint.
The place where you can get all kinds of
sandwiches, pie, milk, coffee, etc., for 5 cents
and hot stews and other things that go to make
up a midday meal for a quarter are well patron
ized. Even the high-priced places make
money, but it is a conspicuous tact In New
York that the men who cater to the nickel do
better bnsiness proportionately than those who
look after the Almighty Dollar. Nor does it
matter much what the business may be. It is
tho age of tho Almighty Nickel. Big custom
and small profits enable tho dollar to take care
of itself.
Curiously enough, with tho experience of
the proprietors of down-town buifot lunch
rooms to stimulate such enterprises, there are
no places on upper Broadway where a man can
get anything in tho shape ot a simple lunch for
even double the money he pays for the same
thing down town. Restaurants and , cafes are
on every hand up town, but they cater to peo
ple of leisure and money. You must sit down
and be waited nnon or, rather, yon must wait.
Then yon pay 13 cents for an ordinary sand
wich that you can bnv almost anywhere down
town for 5. And to order a sandwich is to hnrt
tho feelings of the waiter. Tho customary tip
must be considered in the up-townbilL This
tin would buy the lunch in lower Broadway.
Plttsburgers in Gotham.
P x-Matoe Andy Fuxton is in the city, bar
lng ariived recently from Denver. He
says he is going back to Pittsburg to live and
he expects to gctback in time to take a hand
in the campaign. He has taken a bonse on
North Highland avenue, opposite Fred Ma
gee's, and expects to make it his permanent
residence. , .,
Mr. Chris L. Maccc'a name appeared on the
Fifth Avenue register last week, followed uy
that or another well-known Pittsbnrger,
"Charles Painter and valet." Charles Book
and family, who were at the same hotel for a
couple of weeks, have gone home.
Charles T. Murray.
New York, October 25.
CUKI0DS CONDENSATIONS.
About 17,000 houses are added every
year to London.
Sunday is now generally observed ia
Japan as a day of rest.
The English Channel was never crossed
by a swimmer until tho year 1875.
The product of an English cow in milk
and butter has an average annnal value of JUL
The receipts of the French Treasury are
larger than those or any other civilized nation.
- Dublin is better provided with open
spaces than any other town in the United
Kingdom.
For the first time in 12 years, a ship
yesterday left tho port of Montreal for England,
In ballast. 4
The noise of the artillery at Waterloo
was heard at ereil, 113 miles from the scene of
the battle, and also at Dover.
In some foreign cities there are men
hired to attract a crowd to their employers
windows by staring and gazing into them.
A law went into effect in Louisiana last
Friday requiring the railroad companies to fur
nish separate cars for white and colored per
sons.
According to the scales used in the
House ot Representatives, 40,000 Nevada peo
ple weigh politically as much as 150,000 New
York people.
The loveliest summer resort on earth is
probably the plateau of Newer Ellia, the
"King's Summit," as the natives call it, in the
highlands of Southern Ceylon.
A single hair can support a weight of
two ounces, and is so clastic that it may be
stretched to one-third of its entire length, and
theu regain its former size and condition.
It is said that in New York, there are
professional blackeye concealers, where those
employed are fullv occupied in painting black
eyes with a mixture of white and red paints.
Across the water and possibly here,
there are men who undertake to make pre
tended wormholes in various ohects of furni
ture to give them a due appearance of an
tiquity. According to Captain Wissman, of the
African exploring party, the paradise of birds
seems to have been found on the shores of a
lagoon commuaicating with the eastern extrem
ity of the Albert Nyanza.
Hedgebogs are occasionally cannibal
istic, the larger ones, when bard up for a din
ner, chasing the smaller at a wonderful rate,
and devouring them without sauce or mercy
when caught and conquered.
In Paris there are professional trunk
packers who can be hired to pack a trunk ar
tistically, lolding expensive gowns and other
garments in tissue paper, ana stowing away
uelicatu bric-a-brac in the safest uay.
The greatest distance ever recorded at
which tho sound of cannon has been beard was
on the 4lh of December, 1832, when the cannon
or Antwerp uere heard in the Erzegeblrge
mountains, at aaistance ot 370 miles.
The greatest height upward in the at
mosphere at which tho sound of cannon has
been'heard was 2U.IU0 feet, when Mr. Glaisher
at that height over Birmingham, heard the
firing of the gnns being proved there.
Southwest of Suez a party of French
surveyors have discovered the bed of an an
cient canal, rnnning for miles in the direction
ot the Red Sea, wuicu it seems to have con
nected with the basin of the Mediterranean.
A citizen of Americus, Ga., owns a dog
that "lives on English sparrows, wbich be
catches by slyly creeping upon them." In
many cities ot the Ohio Valley the progeny or
that quadruped would be north their weigutiu
gold medals.
Among the gallinacea;, the pheasant
may be considered "cock of the roost," for be
will boldly enter the farmyard, and settle the
military-looking barn-door fowl in a trice.
Even tue gamecock fares bnt little better, de
spite bis superior agility.
It is strange how fast American rifles
have rid the New World of the larger caroiv
ura. Within the last 50 years wolves and bears
bave entirely disappeared from hundred of
thousands or square miles where they once
were as numerous as rabbits.
At last they are about to introduce gas
into the boys' dormitories at the Rugby school.
Up to now, candles, stuck in a rude zinc can
dlestick, have been used. Each evening it was
the duty ot tue "rag" for the week to blow out
the caudle and put the stick outside the door.
Of the 32 all-round athletes in a New
York club of Ave years ago, three are dead of
consumption, five have to wear trusses, four or
five are lop-shouldered, and three bave catairh
and partial dealness. As far as general health
and longevity goes, the drygoods clerk outdoes
the athlete.
Veteran seamen agree that, the iceberg
crop ol the present summer exceeds that of
any previous year during the latter half of the
nineteenth century. Their theory u that the
whole mountain cnalns of Arctic ice must bare
been set adrift by the almost unprecedented
mildness of the last winter.
The Brazilian Government has repeat
edly offered a liberal reward lor a plan result
ing in the abatement ot the vampire plague,
which, in the provinces or Matto Grosso and
Enter-Rios makes stock raising almost impos
sible. AS many as 0 ol the winged bloodsuck
ers often attack-a cow in a single night.
Among curious professions are artificial
ear and nose-maker9,prayer-makers,leg-stretch-ere,
salad-mixers, knockers-np, and fourteenth
men. The latter class are much in demand in
Paris, to meet the awkwardness of having thir
teen guests to dinner, of which they are very
superstitious; the fourteenth man is always
ready to atteud at a moment's notice.
The "Seven Ages of Man" were de
picted by Japanese artists long before they be
came famous in Shakespearian recitations in
this country, and perhaps oefore Shakespeare
was born. On the walls of a great tea store In
New York City, whicli has branches in Hong
Kong and Shanghai, hang a Series of Japanese
pictures illustrating the seven picturesque pe
riods of man's existence.
An Austrian impressario, who has im
ported whole galaxies of Oriental stars, holds
that Japan excels in acrobats, and Hindostan
in Deast tamers, but tnat China stands unriv
alled for sleight-of-hand tricksters of the mys
terions and incomprehensible kind. The magi
cians ot the Flowery Kingdom seem to form a
special guild, and transmit their trade secrets
from generation to generation.
SMILES AND DEttPLES.
Old Jarrock Quare thing that gas is, fer
sure! Fust. 1 blowed it aout, and when I struck a
match to find what the smell wua dashed ef it
didn't blow me aout! Belford,s Magazine.
He Will yorf be mine?
She Ask papal
He Confound It! Idon'twant to marrypapa!
What have you got to say? Boston Traveller.
A bootblack, smoking the end of a cigar
he has just picked np. Is accosted by a comrade
with. "Jim what kind of a cigar Is that?"
Boblnson Crusoe."
'Why d'yer call It that'"
"Cause It's a cast-away." Spare Moments.
A well-known actor had a horror of street
music On one occasion the "waits " played be
fore his house at midnight, and waited on him the
next morning. Tncv were ushered into his
room.
"Well," said the actor, "what do yoa want?"
'We played before your house last night," said
the musicians. v
"Iheard yon." was the reply.
"We have come foronrllttlegratnlty,," said the
melodious Invaders.
Why, bless me." said the sufferer, 'Ithought
you came to apologize!" -Spare Moments.
Mr. Yonngmau (after long thought) Is
there any way to find out what a woman thinks of
you, without proposing?
Mr. Benedict (absently) Yes; make her mad.
Good -Veto.
"What bnsiuess are you now in, Tabs
ley?" I'm in the stationery, fancy and notion
trade."
? ? ?
Yes. Wheneverl geta notion to go toworkl
fancy It won;t pay: so I remain stationary. Com-prcnez-vous?"
American Stationer.
Kemeraber, boys, that even a harbor light
can' t be going out nights without making a signal
failure in the end. Elmira Uazttte.
Jack A friend in need is a friend in
deed. Tom Um ye-es If he doesn't need too much.
Sew York Herald.
Best man (to Chicago groom) Is every
thing ready?
Groom I think so.
'Got the ring?"
Yes."
All right. I have the llccu.c and the applica
tion for dlVorce. Let the ceremony proceed." ,
Sew York Sun.
The world owes every man a living, bat it
Is a debt that be has to hustle to collect. Boston, ',
Traveller. -.,!.